Celestial Reviews 10 - August 9, 1995 - by Celeste
Note: It's amazing how time flies. I have now written ten sets of
these reviews and have received numerous requests for back issues. I
cannot meet all those requests separately, and so I am reposting all
ten of these on alt.sex.stories.d. I have also update the FAQ. If
anyone has creative suggestions on how to improve these reviews, please
let me know. - Celeste
"Home Improvement: Hot Tub Hijinks" by Jay-P. (Teen
celebrity sex) 8
"Home Improvement: Molly's Muff" by Jay-P. (Adolescent's
dream comes true) 8
"Mayberry" by Richard Dale. (Celebrity Sex) 9
"Once You're Rubbed" by Amy (Romance) 8
"Once You're Rubbed by Amy" by Backrub (Romance) 10
"Double Trouble" by Randu (Sex with 9-year olds) 10
"The Orphanage" by Bruce Bramson (Male-male
adolescents) 9
"Clubhouse" by Magic Wand (Adolescent boys sex) 8
"Tammy in the Rain" by Tammy Ng (Hot sex letters) 10
"Tales of the Seeding" by Woolstonecraft(Primitive sex
rituals) 10
"The Divine Gift" by Woolstonecraft (sex in church!) 10
"Home Improvement: Hot Tub Hijinks" by Jay-P. As I've said before, I
enjoy sex stories about fictional celebrities, because they make it
possible to actually picture the persons involved, without doing any
real harm to anyone. In this story we can picture Randy and Brad
Taylor (sons of Tim the Tool Man and his wife Jill) fooling around with
their little girlfriends in the hot tub while their parents are away.
By knowing something more about the personalities of Randy and Brad
from the television series, I was easily able to apply this additional
information to the story and enjoy it more. A nice story. (Rating: 8)
"Home Improvement: Molly's Muff" by Jay-P. I normally get turned off
at the very idea of an older woman seducing a little child; but this
one really does sound like a 12-year-old kid's dream. And besides,
they wear seat belts when they drive to the hotel.
One piece of irony: The woman in the story says that she knew Randy
was not really 32 years old (as he claimed on the BBS), because he made
spelling mistakes that would get past a spellcheck - like "their" for
"there" - but which an older person would notice A few paragraphs
later, Randy notes that "her cunt was harrier" - instead of "hairier."
You can look that one up in your unabridged Funk & Wagnalls.
Now that I've convinced you I have a college education, I'll return to
the story. It was well written and enjoyable. They had four orgasms
apiece in about 45 minutes. (Rating: 8)
"Mayberry" by Richard Dale. Four chapters were posted recently. In
the first chapter, Sheriff Andy Taylor makes it in the squad car with
his insatiable girlfriend Helen, who is "just about the finest piece of
ass this side of Pumpkin Center! It shorely brings a smahl to my face,
yes it duz." In later chapters, we can read about other characters
from the series engaging in sexual acrobatics. We even discover that
Aunt Bea's friend Clara is the town exhibitionist. The sex isn't as
hot in these stories as in the Home Improvement series, but I think the
author does a more clever job of relating the stories to the original
television series. The metaphors even sound like the ones Andy and the
gang would have used themselves: "It felt like he shot enough {cum} to
fill up a box of night crawlers -- the double-size box of the big juicy
kind that Goober sold down to the gas station." However, we never do
find out why a nice guy like Andy would name his son Opie. (Rating: 9)
"Once You're Rubbed" by Amy. I vaguely remember seeing this story
posted in a.s.s. As I recall, I glanced at it, noticed it was
unfinished, and decided not to bother to download it. Big mistake!
About an hour ago I received via e-mail a copy of this story from
Backrub, along with his official notification that he intended to
repost "Once You're Rubbed by Amy," which is a follow-up to this story.
Big break! So I read this story, and it's excellent. It's basically a
slow build-up for a big climax. It does a beautiful job of expressing
the magic and insecurity of first meetings, of the beginnings of
relationships. I found myself laughing and recalling experiences from
my own life. The build-up itself is not devoid of sex; but its sexy in
the sense that you just know something is going to happen, because the
chemistry is right to begin with and it gets better as the story goes
along. The only flaw with this story (and it's a big one) is that it's
unfinished. It just plain stops before the climax. But Backrub solved
that problem with the next story. (Rating: 8)
"Once You're Rubbed by Amy" by Backrub. This story finishes the
previous story. In doing so, it retells the entire story from the
man's point of view. Since a massage plays a pivotal role in this
story, it is a story by Backrub about a backrub! I myself think the
present story can stand alone, even if readers have not seen the
previous story; but Backrub himself thinks that the two stories should
be read together. Backrub also wrote "Across the Catty Corner," a
follow-up to Sue's "Catty Corner." I reviewed those two stories in
Celestial Reviews 9. I truly believe that the Catty Corner Combination
was better than this set, but this is still an excellent, romantic, and
sexy story. (Rating: 10).
"Double Trouble" by Randu. To understand and enjoy this story, it is
important to realize that it is science fiction. If readers don't
understand the rules of this imaginary world, the story comes across as
sheer nonsense or as advice to do things that are threatening to
children. As part of the author's literary style, the rules of this
imaginary world are not stated up front; rather they become obvious as
the story unfolds.. However, I don't think I am ruining the story by
telling you these rules. Here they are. The main characters in this
story live in a world where the following changes are made in the laws
governing human nature: (1) One twin is able to communicate through
mental telepathy, even across great distances. He can tune into other
people's brain waves pretty much at will; and they can communicate
reciprocally with him, if he wants this to happen. (2) The other twin
has extraordinary powers of empathy. He can understand the emotions of
other people better than those persons can themselves - but only if he
is in their immediate presence. (3) At least one adult authority
figure (the narrator of the story) can engage in sexual intimacies with
9-year-old children without any negative side effects whatsoever. In
all other respects, their world closely resembles that of Western
civilization around the end of the 20th century. Reputable scientists
would deny the validity of all three of these premises; but once we
assume that they are true in this imaginary world, we have a pretty
interesting story.
The story is well written. The author writes with an obvious
admiration for and understanding of many of the joys of childhood - not
just sex with children. The narrator comes across as a mixture of an
adult who is still a child and a dysfunctional man who cannot relate to
little boys without focusing on the beauty of their tight little asses
and longing to have sex with them. In normal society this person would
perhaps be dangerous, but in this imaginary world he provides the basis
for interesting complications that go well beyond ordinary pedophile
stories. These complexities build around the question of how an adult
who is attracted to them would interact with a pair of children whose
psychic powers have enabled them to achieve an unusual combination of
sexual maturity and innocence.
I'm sure there are flaws in the logic of this story, just like there
are flaws in most good science fiction involving children, including
Peter Pan, E.T, and the various time travel movies.; but these flaws
occur largely because of the complexity imposed by the three rule
changes. It's just plain hard to imagine a world like this - largely
because most reasonable people have see legitimate dangers in ordinary
pedophile behavior. The third rule requires that we temporarily cancel
in our minds one of the main taboos of our society - a taboo that
nearly all social scientists would say has a great deal of validity
behind it. In other words, to enjoy this story, it is necessary to
suspend reality enough to believe this all could really happen and to
read the story without automatically asserting that this is the way
that children "should" or "should not" grow up in the real world. If
you do this, you'll find a good story. If you read it as a "really
great tale about how this old guy screwed a couple of children," it's a
pretty weak story. (Rating: 10)
"The Orphanage" by Bruce Bramson. This story is about sex between
adults and children in an orphanage where all the children and adults
are males. However, that does not mean that only gay men or pedophiles
will enjoy this story. I am neither of the above, but I liked this
story. Let me explain.
As you may know by now, I believe that sexual works best when it is a
way to express love and related romantic feelings. I realize that this
isn't always the way sex is used in real life; and I can enjoy stories
and movies in which even rape, degradation, or exploitation become part
of a plot (just as murder can be part of a good story, although I abhor
murder). The type of stories that I find to be unrealistic and
annoying are those that defy reality; for example, stories that suggest
that women generally like to be raped or degraded sexually or that
imply that there is something admirable about men who brutally degrade
women (or vice versa). Usually this means that I most thoroughly enjoy
(1) descriptions of sexual activity between consenting adults or
emerging adolescents and (2) stories in which otherwise unpleasant
sexual activity contributes to a worthwhile plot (much the way a murder
contributes to the plot of a story in which someone discovers "who done
it" or the way ripping a guy's head off contributes to the plot in
"Speed," which I saw and enjoyed last night).
In addition, in the time that I have been writing these reviews I have
discovered that not only can I sometimes tolerate exploitation and
degradation - under the right circumstances I can actually enjoy
stories with these as their main focus. Specifically, I have found
that I can enjoy sexual content that would otherwise be a turn-off if
(1) the story is science fiction (where the rules of the author's world
define actions and emotions differently than in the real world), (2)
the victim in the story is really repulsive and deserves to be
mistreated, or (3) the story is well-designed satire. In other words,
if degradation or exploitation serves a purpose other than merely
promoting itself, then it may contribute to a good story.
The present story is extremely well written. I definitely do not get
the impression that the author believes that society would function
better if more children were put in orphanages that were run the way
this one is run. The action flows nicely, and the narrator relates the
tale from an interesting viewpoint. From my perspective it shifts from
being utterly repulsive to being a good story through the third
criterion in the preceding paragraph - it is excellent satire. I don't
want to tell you what it satirizes: that would ruin the the story for
you. Suffice it to say that the person who sent me this story claimed
that it offered a wry social commentary; and I think the author did a
good job of it. (Rating: 9)
"Clubhouse" by Magic Wand. A bunch of young adolescent boys get
together in a clubhouse and look at dirty pictures. They also jerk
off, mutually masturbate, and one of the boys gives another a blow job.
I honestly cannot tell you how realistic this is, but it sounded
plausible. Magic Wand has recently posted eight of these short
stories, all with the acronym MWACS (Magic Wand's Anthology of
Childhood Sexuality) in the title line. They sound promising.
(Rating: 8)
"Tammy in the Rain" by Tammy Ng. This is a long letter from Tammy to
her sister Deidre, complaining about what an awful time she had cat-
sitting for a creature that is variously called psycho-demoncat, Hell
Spawn of Azathoth, and chastity cat (because it made any kind of sex
life impossible). Sounds boring, doesn't it? Well, I guess I left out
the part where Tammy reminisces about the time she and her boyfriend
loaned their apartment to a horny couple and then made passionate love
themselves as soon as their friends got out the front door. Maybe I
also left out the part about them making love against a wall on the
roof while the rain poured down on them during a late night
thunderstorm, with her screams of sexual ecstasy drowned out by the
roaring thunder. Perhaps you had better read the story yourself to see
what else I left out while I was fascinated with that damned cat.
I'll repeat what I said in CR 9: a lot of readers don't even know of
the existence of the Ng Sisters. Please, you Ngs, put your name in the
title line somewhere so that your fans can find your writing. This
stuff is excellent! (Rating: 10)
"Tales of the Seeding" by Woolstonecraft. This is a set of narratives
from different perspectives of people who are extremely unsophisticated
in their sexual knowledge. We could be dealing with cave dwellers,
with people on a remote island not yet conquered by "civilized people,"
or with aliens whose sexual accoutrements resemble those of humans.
What is fascinating is that the descriptions all refer to sex
(sometimes in very graphic terms) without ever using either the formal
(intercourse, vagina, etc.) or informal (fuck, cunt, etc.) terminology
that we normally encounter in such stories. The author does an amazing
job - I caught only one mistake, where the author used the word "come"
to describe an orgasm. In addition to playing with words, the author
does an excellent job of building anticipation and creating a mood of
mystery. I loved it. This is a really creative, ingenious story.
(Rating: 10)
"The Divine Gift" by Woolstonecraft. In this story a sad, neglected
bride tells the priest in the confessional that her husband has had
oral and anal sex with her, but will not do it properly, so that she
can bring forth the children that God desires her to have. The priest
locks up the church and solves the problem for her, right there on the
alter. This may sound a bit irreverent, but the author does throw in a
few good prayers. But, what the hell, we're already dealing with
pornography; so what's a little sacrilege?
Actually, of course, it is sacrilegious to do what the priest did; but
I don't find this kind of story to be religiously offensive. I don't
think it's a good idea for a priest to take a woman from the
confessional and screw her on the altar, nor do I think it happens very
often. On the other hand, I think this makes for a good story. I
don't think most priests, ministers, or rabbis act this way; but I
think it makes for a good story. (Rating: 8)