It is not uncommon for an adult male having a sexual encounter with a young teenage girl to confine the act to anal intercourse for many reasons. Most of the time the girls object but their pleas go unheeded. With anal intercourse there is no possibility of pregnancy and very often it is easier for the male to feel that he has not taken her virginity. The following are excerpts from the cases in this book.
SHERRI M. (15) "Well, now, little Miss, you don't know what a treat you're missing," he said pulling my pants down. "You just lay back and open your legs and I show you what feeling good really is."
CINDY S: (17) "I heard a package being opened and then, there was something cold and greasy on my bottom, I felt the man's fingers as he spread it on my asshole and then the unbearable pain. I tried to scream, but he stopped me as he pushed into my body."
VICKI W: (16) "He was so much older than I was and I was sitting there on his lap, kissing him. He put his hands up under my dress and I felt that burning between my legs. I didn't know what to do I needed something in between my legs, I needed a man.
ALI M: (15) "I lathered my body with the suds from the soap and pretended that it was the coach's hands rubbing me between my legs, then, I almost fainted as I turned and saw the coach, stark naked and hard, coming into, the shower after me."
CASE HISTORY ONE
Subject: Sherry M. Age: Fifteen
INTERVIEW ONE
When I first met Sherry, it was easy to see why she would be attractive to male pedophiles. She was pretty and nicely shaped, but held none of the maturity of her years. Even as she sat in the waiting room, she seemed composed, as though, she were not upset about the terrible experience she had gone through.
Sherry's parents had asked me to take on her case when the police had recommended me. There is little chance that the man will be found, but the authorities always try to find such a criminal. Though there is almost no probability that he will bother her again, Sherry must be able to deal with this one incident. She must not be afraid to walk down the street or ever speak to someone she does not know well.
I found that Sherry was willing to talk about the crime in detail. She was very talkative, indeed. I was suspicious of a symptomatic hyperactivity in connection with the trauma, but decided to study her more closely before making any recommendations or charting a course for her therapy.
We launched into the facts of the case with her first words on tape.
My parents are very upset, doctor. They worry all the time, now. My mother cried a lot when I told her what happened, and my father got angry, too. Sometimes, when they don't know I'm noticing it, they give me the most terribly sad looks ever. And Daddy, well, he hasn't been very nice to me lately. He says that he's angry with the man who did this to me and that's why he looks mad at me.
But, I don't know. I don't think that he likes me anymore. He doesn't come close to me anymore at all. Mommy has noticed it, too. I heard her say that to him last week, and he got awful angry and walked out of the room. Then he wouldn't even talk to me. They stayed up late that night and had a talk. I listened in as much as I could. Daddy and Mommy agreed that as soon as I was over this terrible tragedy, that's what they called it. That as soon as I was adjusted to it, they would feel better about the whole thing, too.
I don't really know what "adjusted" means. I don't know how I am supposed to feel about the man and myself. About Mommy and Daddy. I still love them. Why did they stop loving me. I get very confused when I have to think about those things, so I don't think very often. I make believe I am somewhere else, and then I feel good again.
You said that I could say anything at all when I am with you and that no one else will ever know about it. Well, then, I want to tell you something. I don't understand why everybody thinks that man was so very bad, and why everyone is so sorry for me. It hurt when it happened, and I was scared. Sure, I was scared, but that wasn't the whole thing. There were other things about it, too.
I had been watching some of the guys play baseball at the schoolyard, that day. We had gotten out of school early because of the teachers' meeting and since it was so nice outside, the kids were playing. I had nothing else to do, so I stayed around and watched. My friend, Anita, was with me for most of the time, but she had to go home. While she was still with me, this man, the one who did it later, showed up.
Nita saw him first and she said that we ought to go to the other side of the ball field. She said that he was acting funny. Well, I didn't see nothing, and when he smiled at me, I smiled back at him. He really looked very nice to me. Nita pulled me over to the other side of the field and I got sore at her for being such a know-it-all. She said that she had to go and she left. I was glad she went.
This man came around to where I was sitting, and he said something about liking baseball, too. I don't think I said anything, cause what Nita had said was still in my head. But he just sat there. He didn't do anything to me. He didn't try to touch me. Finally, I turned to him when one of the kids made a home run and we just cheered and yelled for him. After that, we were talking to each other for some time.
He said his name was Phil and that he liked baseball a lot. He asked me how old I was and said that I must be popular with the boys since I was so pretty. I thought that was very nice to say, and I just laughed, I guess. He said that he wished he were one of my boyfriends so that he could take me to games and buy me sodas. And, when he mentioned a soda, I picked up. I really love sodas, especially chocolate ice cream ones. He seemed to be reading my mind when he asked me would I like one. Naturally, I said yes. It was the truth.
Phill said that if I would show him where we could get one, he would be happy to buy me one. He said that he was new in town and didn't know too much about this neighborhood. I said that I knew a great place and it was right close by. He said that we could drive there in his car, if I wanted to. He said that he didn't want me to be frightened or anything.
"Why should I be frightened?"
"Oh, your girlfriend didn't look very friendly, and when you smiled back at me, she pulled you away."
I was so surprised that he knew that. He was very smart and I wasn't afraid of him. I said that I would like to ride in his car and told him that I hoped that he liked our town. He said that he thought he was going to like it a lot.
"The shop that I want to go to is just a few blocks away. It's a beautiful day, but I want to ride in that car."
I was hoping that Nita would see me, and that would show her how wrong she was. He wouldn't do anything wrong if he wanted to take me in his car in public. He didn't suggest going to someplace far away or ask me to show him the school when it was empty.
We had a nice time at the shop. We sat in one of those booths and I ordered a triple sundae. I decided to have a vanilla soda on the side. Phil was nice to me. He told me to have anything that I liked. He said that I was nice to him and that he wanted to show me that he appreciated it. There was only one thing that happened that I didn't understand. I was wearing my jeans and when we went to sit down, he ushered me into the seat, you know, like they do when you're in a movie, and he touched the back of my pants. I mean my behind.
I tried not to let him know that I noticed it, but he looked at me and said that he was sorry, he just meant to show me into the seat like a lady, he didn't mean to touch my, my ass. I never used that word before. It was always a hinney or a behind to me. Anyway, there's nothing very wonderful about a behind. He didn't try to touch my private parts, and he apologized.
While we were having the soda and the sundae, he started asking me questions about my school and what I liked to do.
"Well, I think my favorite sport is swimming. I love the summer for that reason. We have a pool in the school, but we only get to swim once a week. Right now, it's still a bit cool to go swimming in the lake outside town."
"That sounds very nice. Do you ever go out there this time of year, at all?"
"Sometimes, just to see the flowers and all. But there's nobody there at all now. Nobody starts going there a lot until the summer comes along."
We finished our sodas and Phil said that he ought to be getting along, but that since he might be bringing his family here to stay, he would like to see the place.
"My girl is younger than you are, but she's real pretty like you. I would like her to swim in that lake. Would you show me where it is. It's still kind of early, and the light will last for a while. Would you want to tell your mother about it?"
"Oh, no, my mother isn't home right now, anyway. She went shopping this afternoon. I think she wouldn't mind. She always tells me to be nice to other people. We are all children of the Lord."
Phil and I drove over to the lake and when we got there, it was just like I had said. There wasn't anyone else around. It was really pretty that afternoon. There were some birds on the water and that was all. It was real quiet.
Phil and I walked around the shore of the lake and I showed him all the nice places there were for his daughter to play and hide. There are some very nice places that I saw some other girls sun bathing. These were older girls, and one of them used to take off everything. I told Phil about that and he asked me if I thought that was naughty.
"Well, my mother would think it's bad, but nobody could see her and she wasn't doing anything at all. She wasn't with a boyfriend, the way some other girls were at that same time."
"You mean that you saw some boys and girls doing things to each other? What were they doing?"
"Oh, I don't know. I guess they were kissing and stuff like that. A lot of other stuff, though. My mother told me that I wasn't to look ever again."
"Did you like what you saw?"
"What do you mean, like it?"
"Would you like to try that someday? I mean what the kids were doing?"
I walked away then, because I didn't want to tell anybody that I was interested in what they were doing that last summer. I felt that it was bad and dirty and I shouldn't. But Phil walked up to me and what he said made me feel different.
"Sherry, I won't tell your mother. She'll never know. I may not ever see you again. Why should I want to tell something you told me, and maybe get you in trouble. You've been very nice to me, haven't you? Why should I hurt you?"
That made everything different. I figured that it made a lot of sense. Phil had been real nice to me. He had bought me a sundae and a soda, and had taken me in his nice car. I only talked about these things with my girl friends. I never even mentioned it to a boy. So I started to talk to Phil about the kids I had seen, and he asked me what they did.
"Some of them go all the way."
"What does that mean? Do they pet and neck and then what?"
"Oh, you know! They kiss and stuff like that, then he touches her and she touches him. You know, there. And once, I really saw what they did. He pulled his pants down and she took her things off, and they got on top of each other."
"Is that all?"
"Well, it looked like that was all. Oh, wait, she had her legs open, and he was in between them. He was rocking on top of her. But that was all I could see. I wasn't that close to them.
I didn't want them to hear me. I would have been awfully embarrassed."
By this time, Phil and I were on the other side of the lake, the side that doesn't have any road in or out. There's only a drive around part of the lake, and you have to walk the rest of the way. Phil asked me if I wanted to sit down for a while, since he was a little tired. I didn't mind at all. It was still a pretty day, the sun was bright and it felt so good to be at the lake.
I don't usually get the chance to go to the lake before the real summer. I don't drive and anyway, Mommy wouldn't let me have the car for my own to drive anywhere. Not even school. So I liked going there with Phil. And then, I liked being here with him, because I was going to tell Nita about all this the next day. Maybe even that night. She could have come along, but she was too silly.
Phil and I sat on the ground, and there was a couple of rocks near where we were. He leaned up against one of them, and I sat next to him. He leaned his head back in the sun and closed his eyes, and I decided that I would do the same. There was still time to get home. I lay back and the sun on my eyes made the colors swim in front of me, even though my eyes were closed.
Then, while I was lying back on the ground, I felt something touch me. I felt it high up on my leg and then I felt it on my thing. I had my jeans on, you see, and the pants are thick. I felt this tickling over my pussy. That's what Phil told me it was called. Anyway, I felt this tickle and I liked it. I knew it must be Phil, but I wasn't scared. The talking about the kids had made me feel funny. The way I feel before I touch myself.
I opened my eyes, and Phil was leaning on his side. When I looked at him, he was smiling and then, he looked down at my pants. I followed his eyes, and I almost choked from what I saw. He had his thing out. I never saw such a big one in my life. Sure I saw one of the boys, but his wasn't anything like Phil's. I got scared, I guess, but I didn't get up or anything.
"Now, don't be scared. I won't hurt you. He won't hurt you."
"I'm not scared. Why should I be scared?"
All this time, Phil had his fingers on my-my pussy. He kept rubbing back and forth and it felt good. He pressed hard against the cloth and it felt really good. I didn't want that feeling to stop. I wanted to have him rub me until I got the feeling I get when I do it to myself.
"You like what I'm doing to you, don't you?"
I was ashamed to say that I did, so I just didn't say anything. But I didn't try to stop him.
"It's alright. You don't have to be afraid to say that. There's nothing wrong with liking that feeling. It's very good for you. Why don't you unzip those jeans and let me make you feel even better. I want to show you how good it can feel."
I just looked at him. I was tempted to do it. I never had anybody do it to me before and it felt better than doing it myself.
"Didn't any of your boyfriends ever do this to you?"
I shook my head. Phil smiled and started to laugh.
"Well, now, little miss, you don't know what a treat you're missing. You just open those pants and let me show you what feeling good really is."
I still didn't do anything or move, but when Phil started to unzip my pants himself, I didn't stop him. I wanted to feel what he promised, but I didn't have the nerve to do it myself. He stopped rubbing me while he unzipped my pants and then, he unsnapped them, too. He started to pull them down, when I got scared. I didn't want to take my pants off! I put my hands on his to stop him.
"Listen, I can make you feel a lot better if I take your pants down. It will really feel great. I can open your legs a little bit and do a good job."
Since he stopped rubbing at me, I started to feel a tingly feeling. I wanted to feel him at my pussy again, so I didn't stop him anymore. I thought that it would feel great, too. I was just a little scared. So he pulled at my pants, and I lifted up my behind and he pulled them all the way down to my ankles. Then he rubbed at my pussy over my panties. It felt so good!
"Doesn't that feel nice? Much nicer than with your jeans on? Just relax and let me rub you a bit more."
Then Phil made circles around my pussy and sometimes slid his fingers up and down along the slit. He wasn't really touching anything inside the slit and that made me feel funny. I never felt that way before. He would only rub on top of my panties and then not very hard, either. I began to feel like I couldn't stay still any longer. I wanted to jump up or something. I guess Phil could see this.
Then, when I started to move around, I felt his thing on my leg. It felt so hot! He put it next to my pussy, but not real close, and just let it stay there. I open my eyes and looked at it. He had it out all this while, but he never even asked me to touch it or anything. I wasn't as afraid of it now. It looked kind of ugly, though. It was all red and there were these veins popping out along the sides of it. And the hole in the middle of the tip, it had some wet stuff on it. I didn't really want to touch it.
While I was looking at his thing, Phil slipped his hand under my panties and put his finger on the bump. I jumped, and he started rubbing it right there! It felt so different. I once rubbed it that way, but this was different. I knew that I shouldn't let him touch me underneath my panties, but it felt so good, that I didn't want to stop him. I figured that I would let him rub me until I got that thrill and then I would ask him to stop.
"That feels real good to you, doesn't it, Sherry? I want it to. I'm going to make you feel so great that you'll never forget it. Just let me take your panties off and I'll start making you feel even better."
I wanted to feel everything he could do to me and I lifted up my hips and Phil pulled my panties down. Only this time, he pulled my jeans and my panties off my legs. I was naked from the waist down! It felt really good to be naked that way on the grass. The air felt good on my pussy. Phil spread my legs apart a little and this time, he used both hands on my thing.
He pulled the slit apart and then he bent down. He blew air onto my pussy and that made me jump. I giggled and he laughed, too. Then he did it again. I liked it. And then, what he did next made me scream. He put his tongue on that little bump! I tried to get away, but this time, he held my hips down and licked me all over. He licked the bump, he licked the slit and then, he went all the way down. He pushed my legs apart all the way and licked almost all the way to my behind! It felt good, but I never even thought of anybody, doing that to me.
"Hey don't you know? This is what those boys do to those girls. They do lots of other things, too. Doesn't it feel good to you?"
I couldn't lie. I really liked his tongue on all those private parts of my body. I was ashamed that I liked the feeling, but he was still holding me down, and there wasn't anything that I could do to stop him. Then, in a few minutes, I didn't want to. Phil bent down and licked me again. This time, he got down a bit and twisted his body so that his legs were near me. I started to smell his thing. It was a smell so different, that I got nervous.
But then, he started licking again, and I wasn't thinking about anything else. I didn't want him to stop that licking. He had my legs spread wide open and he pushed his head way down. He started to lick all the way through the slit. He would lick the bump first, then the hole down there and then he went back to my asshole! I jumped when his tongue touched me there.
"Oh, stop, don't do that! That's terrible!"
"No it's not! It feels good and I want to do it. That makes it just fine!"
I couldn't stop him from doing it, anyway, so I just lay there and let him lick me again. After a few minutes of that licking, I started to like it. He was doing some crazy things to me. He was licking all around the hole back there and once he stuck his tongue right in it! I couldn't help but scream. It felt good, but I wasn't used to that feeling.
"Hey, Sherry. I'm going to do this for a while. I love it, and you might as well get used to it. I want to stick my tongue in this nice little hole. And you like it alright! I can tell that."
I did really like it, but I still thought it was terribly bad. But there was nothing that I could do, so I just let him do it. He would stick his tongue in and out. Then he would lick all around the hole and then he used his finger. It felt so big that I screamed again. But he took it out right away and I figured that he wouldn't do it again. But I was wrong. He stuck his finger in again and then he pushed it in and out. It didn't hurt. It felt really nice. I was moving all around. I just couldn't stay still.
I had my eyes closed all this time, or else I would look at the sky. I loved the feeling in my pussy and now, what he was doing in my behind. I never knew that it could feel good to play with that part. But he kept licking and sticking his finger in and I thought that I would get that good feeling pretty soon. My whole body started to tingle.
The only thing that I didn't like was having that big cock sticking close to my face. It scared me a little. I didn't know what men did with those things, but I was scared all the same. I really didn't know what to do. I didn't want him to stop the good feeling in my pussy, and my ass, but I was scared of that big thing near me. All of a sudden, though, he moved his cock away from me. He swung his body around and he stopped licking me. He was breathing kind of hard, but I was just glad that he took that big thing out of my face.
Phil pushed me on my side and pushed my legs way up so that my pussy was open to him again. I could feel how wet I was there, cause the breeze made me feel chilly. He felt me up with his fingers and put his fingers into my slit. He rubbed that bump again, and I felt real good. I was moving my bottom up and down
'cause it felt so good and then Phil pushed his thing up against my crack. I stiffened up 'cause I didn't know what he was going to do, but he just rubbed it in and out of my slit. I was wet and it felt slippery, too. It felt good to have that big thing rubbing me. It was hot, and it felt good since I felt chilly from the air. It was a nice feeling.
Well Phil rubbed me over and over again, and finally he moved back a bit to my ass. He rubbed that cock against the crack, and then he pushed it up against the hole back there. That felt okay, but I liked it better up front.
"I just want to rub you with this cock of mine for a while. I made you feel good, and I haven't even asked you to touch me. You don't mind me feeling good too, do you, Sherry?"
"No, why should I?"
"That's the girl. I'll just rub it for a while. Okay?"
I nodded. I was feeling very funny now. I wanted him to stick his fingers back in my hole again. I wanted him to rub my little bump in the front. Well, he put his fingers on my slit and pushed everything around for a while. He rubbed in a big circle and pulled the lips apart. I was squirming around. I was moving my bottom a lot, I think. Phil was breathing real hard now and I didn't think about much else.
All of a sudden, Phil started to rub his cock against my hole in the back. He was pushing it against the hole a long time and then I felt a bad pain.
"OW! That hurts! Stop! Phil, that hurts!"
But he wouldn't stop. He held my legs up and pushed it up even further. My legs started to hurt from being so far apart. But the worst thing was that he kept pushing that thing into my asshole. I felt like he was tearing me apart. I was scared then, real scared. I started to scream. As soon as I did that, Phil started to rub my bump and the rest of my slit again. At first, I didn't feel very much, but soon, I began to have good feelings again, and the pain back there wasn't that terrible. I started to relax again, and even though he wouldn't stop, the pain wasn't that bad.
"That's it, Sherry. Just relax. I'll keep rubbing you to make you feel good. This is what I need to feel good. You said that you didn't mind my feeling good, too. Now, you just concentrate on that good feeling in your pussy, and I'll worry about your asshole! That sweet little virgin asshole!"
Phil kept pushing into me and then there was a horrible pain. I couldn't help screaming and he pushed harder and harder. The pain was really bad now. I didn't know what he was doing to me.
"It's okay, now. I had to get the head inside. That was the terrible pain. It will be much better now. Just lay still."
I was crying now, and he rubbed me even harder in my pussy, but the pain made me feel really bad. I cried for about ten minutes, and all the while, Phil was pushing his cock into me. The pain was bad, but nothing like that bad pain in the beginning. As Phil kept rubbing, I started to feel better, and I was more aware of the feeling in my pussy. I knew that my ass felt bad, but if I didn't think about it, it wasn't that bad.
Phil finally stopped pushing at me and we both just lay there for a minute.
"It's all the way in, now, Sherry. Don't worry. It shouldn't hurt anymore. I have to rub it in and out of you to get a wonderful feeling. Then I will come inside you. Just wait till you feel that hot cream shoot up your ass! It's great!"
The way that Phil was talking, I was getting that funny feeling again. I wanted to have the thrill in my pussy, and I didn't mind what he did to me, while he was working on my pussy. I never saw a boy come. I knew that there was a liquid inside every man's thing, but the way he talked about it, that made me excited.
"What does it do? This "come" you talk about?"
"When I rub you enough, the stuff, the fluid in my cock, will shoot out and into you. Maybe afterwards, I'll let you jerk me off and you can watch it shoot out. Think you would like that?"
The idea of watching something shoot out of that big thing was terribly exciting to me and I wanted to see it. I nodded "yes" and Phil started to pull his thing out of my ass. It was a strange feeling. It felt like I was shitting, but then, he got to a certain point and then shoved the whole thing back up there again. I screamed. The feeling was so strange. It wasn't as painful as the first time, but it felt uncomfortable. Before I had a chance to say anything, he pulled it out again and shoved it back in. He did this a lot, and he got faster and faster.
Phil was still rubbing my pussy while he shoved his thing into me, and in a little while I felt that nice feeling starting. It was completely different from what I have ever felt before. He rubbed me, and that big cock up inside me rubbing, too, made me feel just great. There wasn't much pain anymore, and then I felt that thrill start and I yelled and I jerked my body around. Phil started breathing even harder and pounded his thing into me.
It was then that I felt a hot squish and Phil was grunting and moaning.
"Oh, you sweet little ass! Jerk me all around. Take all that nice sweet cream I have for you. Hold still honey, I'm giving it to you!"
I felt his thing jumping around in me and the hot stuff kept pouring out into me. He was banging into me real hard now, and he stopped rubbing me. I put my own hand down there and rubbed myself. I liked the feeling and jerked myself all around to get the most of it. Every time that I moved, the thing in my ass would move and it would hurt a bit. But there was nothing that I could do. I was getting my thrill and he was shooting this stuff into me.
Then it was over. Phil was still breathing very hard, but he pulled his cock out of me in one jerk. I yelled from the feeling that it made inside me. His cock was so big, and then he took it out all of a sudden, just like that.
"Just take it easy, Sherry, It's all over. I won't touch you again. Just relax for a minute."
He pulled that thing out and rolled over onto the ground so that he wasn't touching me anymore. My ass was beginning to throb and twitch. It hurt some, but I was still feeling good from the thrill I had. He had rubbed me so nice. I just lay there, thinking about nothing. But then, his words started running around in my head.
"It's all over. I won't touch you again."
He had said that I could work him over and see the stuff come out of his cock. For some reason, that's all I could think of. I wanted to see the stuff shoot out of his thing. I turned around to Phil, but he was already getting dressed. He wouldn't look at me, and I was getting angry that he wouldn't keep his word. So, I got mad instead of saying anything to him about the other thing.
I pulled on my panties, but I realized that I was all wet. This stuff, the come was all over my legs and my asshole. Phil bent over me and wiped my ass, just like a little baby. He wiped me all up and then put his handkerchief away. I pulled my jeans on and just sat there. I was sore, and I tried not to sit right on my bottom. I sat on a cheek.
"Look, I'll drive you part of the way into town. I have to go somewhere and I can't take you all the way back to the school."
Then I got real mad. He wasn't being nice at all. He didn't keep his word, I was sore from what he did to me, and now he wouldn't drive me home. But I couldn't say anything. I just started to cry. I cried and cried, and finally, I couldn't breathe anymore. I was gasping and when I finally looked up, Phil wasn't anywhere around. I guess he figured that something was terribly wrong with me. I don't know. He just went away. I walked around to the other side of the lake where he had parked the car, but there wasn't anybody there.
I just started to cry again, and kept walking. That was when the car stopped and this lady took me to the police station. I was feeling really bad then. I couldn't walk too well from what he had done to me, and I couldn't sit too well, either. I just wanted to be in my room all alone.
The police called my mother and father, and when they came to take me home I just started to cry again. The police said that I would have to be examined and I didn't want that. I was sore, and I was scared, but my parents told me that I had to do it. I didn't want to talk to anybody about it. I guess I was in a daze or something. People kept asking me questions and I answered them.
Now, though, I can't understand why everybody treats me so different. I felt better in a few days, and the doctor said that I would be okay. I can't help thinking about what happened, and sometimes I feel ashamed. You see, I didn't tell the police everything. Like about how I let him take my pants off and how I liked being rubbed like that. And most of all, I never told anybody why I started crying in the first place.
I'm still mad at Phil. He didn't keep his promise.
CONCLUSION
I found it unnecessary to have any further sessions with Sherry. What came across to me in the interview was that she was really disturbed by her own growing sexuality. She had participated in the sexual act to some extent, and she was not as traumatized as her parents would like to believe. As a matter of fact, her parents were more affected than she.
As the parents translated their feelings of horror and anger to Sherry, they only emerged as rejection of her as a person. They could not face the fact that their little girl had been violated. They wanted her to feel terrible. They expected it of her, and when she did not, they refused to see it. They did not want to think of her as dirty, and so they refused to see her own sexuality.
In this case, I saw the only way out through therapy for the parents. I suggested that we have a conference, but once they heard my feelings that Sherry would be fine if they could only manage to forget the incident, they balked. It is not unusual for parents to refuse the sexuality of children and to accept the truth that children do not have to be permanently damaged by an unpleasant sexual experience. I tried to get across the idea that children pick up the attitudes of the parents. If they continued to think of Sherry as damaged, she would only have to agree and act that way.
I cannot say at this writing that the outcome was entirely successful. Sherry's parents were not that amenable to my suggestions that they consider joint therapy for a little while to help them over this trauma. In such cases, it is always to deal with the children. One cannot force an adult to accept an idea.
CASE HISTORY TWO
Subject: Cindy S. Age: Seventeen
INTERVIEW ONE
Cindy is a lovely and intelligent girl. She came to me on recommendation of her guidance counselor at school. A high school senior, Cindy had a terrible experience with someone from another school. The man had tricked her into coming with him to a deserted part of the school that Cindy was visiting. There he performed the act that shocked this bright girl.
Though Cindy did not tell her parents at first, she did see her guidance counselor and he suggested that she see me. She could not decide what to do. She was afraid to go to the police for fear that her parents would find out. For some reason that was not immediately apparent, she was afraid to let them know. She would not indicate whether it was their rejection or their condemnation she feared most. I did not probe this in the first interview, since I did not want to hurry her.
When she loosened up somewhat, Cindy was able to tell me somewhat of the incident that ocurred in the deserted debating arena. She tells the story in her own words.
I understand that I should have gone to someone before this time. I suppose that no one will believe me now. My body has healed and this person would never be a suspect of anything like that. I don't know what to do. My counselor suggested that I speak with you. He seems to think very highly of you, and I respect his judgment. I certainly hope that you can help me. I haven't been able to sleep or even to think straight since this happened.
I suppose that I should tell you what happened from the very beginning, but I have to admit, that, at this point, some of the details are getting fuzzy. I guess that I want to forget, and I won't deny that. But all of a sudden, something that was clear, or I think was clear yesterday, is fuzzy today.
What I really mean is that the details of why I actually went with this man to the room. I don't remember, really what excuse he used to get me there. I think that he told me that was where everyone would be giving the speeches and that I could practice before everyone found out about it. I remember that I wanted to win this speech contest very much. I enjoy public speaking, and hope to go into the theater after college. I spend most of my time writing and then polishing the speech that is to be given the next contest. I am always ready long before the deadline. I know other kids who wait for the last minute, and then they drive themselves and everyone else crazy with their frantic practicing.
This contest had been announced only a short time ago, since they had to make up one contest after a snow storm cancelled one entirely. No one could schedule the kind of hall that was needed for such a contest, and finally, the school just called it off. They said that some other arrangements would be made, and everyone would be informed.
Well, finally, this contest was announced, and to give everyone a fair chance, they said, the topics were changed and everyone would start fresh. You see, there had been some semi-finals done on this contest, and they had to rule out those performances. So, I worked night and day on this contest theme, and I felt as though I wasn't ready just yet. I wrote the speech and wasn't happy with it. I tried it out on my family and they weren't as enthusiastic as they usually are.
But there wasn't much time at all, and the day for the first competition arrived. The school wasn't able to get a hall again, but this time, they had to settle for a large school auditorium. I got there really early, and figured that I could practice the speech in the hall. That's always the best way, you see. In that way, you can get an idea of where to look and how loudly to speak. It isn't considered the nicest way to handle a contest, but I was truly afraid that I wouldn't win this one. And I wanted to.
So, when I got there that Saturday morning, it was very early and no one else had arrived yet. I was pleased, since I would be alone to practice. It's not the greatest idea to have too many witnesses to something like that. If someone saw it, they could make things unpleasant for you. Anyway, I started to speak, when all of a sudden I noticed someone way in the back of the auditorium. I thought it was one of the other contestants, but he came up to the stage, to see what I was doing. As he approached me, I got scared ,thinking that he was one of the judges, and he would disqualify me for cheating. I was scared beyond belief. I can't say why. I suppose it might be the fact that I felt that what I was doing was wrong.
When this man got to the front of the auditorium, he came up to the stage, and just stood there, watching me. I almost stopped speaking, but he didn't say anything. I did part of my speech, but, finally, I didn't have the nerve to go on. I was convinced that he was one of the officials and was just letting me hang myself. I hadn't gotten a good look at him, since I was nervous and was concentrating on some notes in front of me. But, when I did stop, and walked to the steps of the stage, he clapped and smiled at me.
"That was very nice, miss. I guess you'll be one of the finalists of today's contest. You're pretty enough to take this just with your looks."
I must have blushed, because he apologized for being so forward. I just stammered something I guess. It was only then that I took a look at him. He was about fifty years old, and he was dressed nicely. He just had to be one of the judges. Suddenly, a terrible thought hit me. Suppose he was one of the judges. Why shouldn't he vote for me if he liked me. Why shouldn't I be nice to him? Being nice to a person can't hurt.
Somehow, I found the voice to talk to him. I mentioned the contest that had been cancelled, and he made some comment about that being too bad, for he would have liked to have met me sooner. I was very flattered, and got bolder in my questioning and conversation.
"Are you one of the judges of this contest?"
"Well, yes and no. I am an honorary judge. I am principal of this school. I usually have to sit in on these sessions. But it seems as though I may be pleasantly surprised today. I must admit that most of these things are pretty boring, but sometimes, very infrequently, if I might add, someone comes along. She's pretty, and she is talented. You have such presence. I can see it right away. You'll do well in this contest."
I thanked him, but he was about to continue.
"Well, if I had the final say, I would want you to win. You're an exceptional girl. I was enjoying that speech when I came in. I'm sorry you stopped." "Well, I really shouldn't be practicing here. It's not quite right. I could be disqualified for this, if someone pressed the issue."
I must admit that I thought I might get on his good side. I thought that honesty would be the only way to get to him. He seemed agreeable enough, anyway. This time, I looked more closely and he wasn't all that bad looking. He still looked old, but he was dressed very nicely, and I was more flattered by his words than I cared to admit. I must have actually thought that he could make me win the contest if he wanted it that way.
I usually wear a conservative dress to these contests, since I feel that it's the best approach. I remember seeing a girl dressed in a mini skirt. She was really cute and all the judges were looking at her. Her voice wasn't that good, though, and her speech was more serious than her dress. She looked foolish. I was glad when she didn't win. So I made sure that I always keyed my dress to the speech. This contest today involved the saving of wild animals, and since I considered that a serious topic, I felt that a conservative dress would be the best, anyway.
I had chosen a pale blue shirt dress that buttoned down the front. I have a nice figure, I think, and it just looked nice. I wasn't aware that it was too anything. It was just the right length, knee-length, and my shoes had just the right heel on them. Shoes that are too casual just kill a dress, so I wore pumps that looked very sophisticated.
Well, the reason for telling you this about my dress, was that, suddenly, I was very conscious of my body. I started fingering my collar and wondering what I looked like. On stage, my skirt must have looked shorter than it was and I suddenly felt as though I had no clothes on. I wanted to look pretty and attractive, but wasn't able to feel confident about it.
When I caught this man looking at my breasts, I blushed so much, I could feel the heat in my cheeks. I have always thought of my talent as the most important thing. I try not to let my looks interfere with that talent, but I never used them to enhance that talent and my chances at winning. Suddenly, that thought too, came racing through my mind. I felt excited that it might be an easy contest.
I have always noticed that there are pretty girls in this area of competition, but more often than not, they aren't very good at speaking or writing the speeches. I never even bothered to consider that aspect of the competition. The girls that I usually lost to were very intelligent, but not attractive. In that respect, there was little competition. I was good. I usually came in as a runner-up or second place.
Today, I figured that I might use that advantage to win. If this man liked me, that might make the difference. I knew that I was good. There might be better here, today, but at least I would have a much better chance if he liked me. For the first time in my life, I decided to be friendly with a calculated reason behind the friendship.
"I don't mean to sound silly, but I don't think I have ever spoken with a school principal before. Is this entire responsibility really yours? How do you manage to handle it?"
"Well, I do have help, but I am flattered to be someone you enjoy meeting. That's very flattering to me young lady. What is your name?"
"Cindy. I'm from the other end of the town. Our school isn't half this big. It's almost overwhelming. Just how many classrooms are there in this building?"
"So very many. Cindy, my name is Mr. Wendler, Terrance Wendler. I am very happy to make your acquaintance. It isn't that often that a fair maid such as you passes though the halls of this school. Most of the girls are cute, but few are as mature and lovely as you."
There was at least two hours before the contest would begin, and I really knew my speech, so I decided to spend some more time with this man. We sat and chatted for a while, then he asked me if I drank coffee. I said that I did, and he invited me to have a cup in his office. I was very flattered to have coffee in the principal's private office, and of course, I said yes.
When we got there, it wasn't as large as I had thought it might be. It was okay, and the school was so quiet yet, that everything looked strange and foreign. I wasn't looking for anything except to get him to like me and help me win the contest. I was willing, you understand, to do my part. I knew that I was good, but I had never won a contest. I wanted to win first prize.
He asked me about my plans for college, and we talked of the school that I wanted to go to. I have been accepted by two schools, so far, and I haven't made up my mind yet as to which I want to go to. It's still up in the air. But, anyway, we talked about this one school, and he said that he knew some of the professors there. He said that it was a fine school, and then we started to talk about other things. General talk. About kids today, and-what they expected from life. I felt terribly flattered again, to be talking about such things with the principal of the school.
The coffee was okay. I don't actually like that much coffee, but I drank it just the same. He was calling me by my first name and just before it was time to go, he asked me to call him Terrance. Fie explained that he never allowed students to call him by that name, nor many colleague, but that he felt as though I were a friend. It was a wonderful feeling to hear those words, and I was embarrassed and happy at the same time when I left the office.
"Cindy, I will watch your speech from the upper balcony. Then, after you have finished, come on up here. We can talk some more until the rest of this is over. It can be pretty dreadful, sitting through the whole thing. We can watch it from up there, if you like, or perhaps, have some lunch."
I felt wonderful during the time before my speech. I was about the fifth person to speak. There were some fifty-five contestants. It would he hours before they were all finished. There would be a break for lunch and then the balance of the contestants would speak. It was the most boring part of the whole affair. I loved being a senior, finally, and speaking first. The poor kids who speak in the afternoon have to listen to all those before them, and they almost forget their own speeches. It can knock the confidence of a freshman to hear all the seniors speaking.
When it was my turn, I got up on the stage and looked for Mr. Wendler. He was in the balcony, just as he said that he would be, and I felt very confident. I spoke and I was sure that I would win. I finished, and was about to sneak out of the room when I heard the next girl. Her voice was one of those wonderful ones that you have to admire. I knew in my heart that she was better than me. I felt an awful sinking feeling.
I stayed for most of the speech, but towards the end, I couldn't help the jealousy that was welling up inside me, and I just walked out. I went directly to Mr. Wendler's office and he was very enthusiastic about my speech.
"You were wonderful, Cindy. I can't see any reason why you wouldn't win this contest."
"Didn't you see the girl behind me? She's fantastic!"
The moment I said it, I regretted it. Maybe he hadn't seen her. He wouldn't even want her to win. But I had to open my big mouth, and point her out.
"Oh, Cindy, That girl is very good, but she hasn't got a chance against you if I want you to win."
"I wanted to ask him right then, "Do you want me to win?"
But the words weren't necessary. Terrance came over to me and planted a kiss on my cheek. I was dumbfounded. He kissed my cheek, and congratulated me on winning the contest.
"You're the girl I want to see with the trophy. And, isn't there a chance to win a scholarship if you win this contest. You get to enter a nationwide contest. That's pretty important, I would think."
I hadn't thought about that scholarship. My parents would pay for my education, but they could only afford a middle school. They could not afford a very expensive, status college. Then, I realized that maybe, with the scholarship, I would be able to afford those colleges that I wanted, but wouldn't admit to wanting even to myself. All of a sudden, the contest took on so much importance. I had to win.
"Why don't we have some lunch? Would you like to go out and have some? I know a very nice restaurant near here."
I thought that I must not be seen with Mr. Wendler. That might make someone suspicious.
"No, can you have someone bring it in? I just love your office. Maybe you could show me some more of the school."
"That is a wonderful idea, Cindy. There's so much to show you. Really, there's so much to show you. And I would love to be the one."
He was looking at me in a funny way, but I shook it off and talked about some other things in the school. There was a dark room in the school, and one of my hobbies was photography.
"Could you show me the dark room and the exhibit of all the pictures. I appreciate that since I'm very much into that."
"Anything you want, will be my pleasure."
After that, Terrance came over and sat by me on the couch. He put his hand in back of me, on the couch, but never touched me...I didn't mind that. We talked and I crossed my legs. My dress went up and I went to pull it down, but he stopped me.
"Just let me look at those legs for a minute. They really are quite beautiful. I would love to see all of them someday."
I didn't say anything, but pulled my dress down, and looked away. Mr. Wendler started a conversation about something else, entirely, just then, and never mentioned my legs again. He sent for lunch and we went to look at the dark room that I wanted to see. The halls were so big and quiet. Not all the lights were on, since it was a weekend, and there were some very bad shadows. If I had been alone, I would have been a bit scared.
"It really is very dim around here. I guess the conservation of lights is the reason."
"But, surely, my girl. There is no reason to have the lights burn when no one is using them. If you are uneasy, I will see if I can turn some of them on."
I protested that it wasn't necessary.
"Are you anxious or frightened about something?"
"No, not at all."
"Really, Cindy, I'm here with you. Nothing is going to happen to you while I am with you."
I did feel very foolish, then, making silly noises. I changed the subject, and he told me about all the awards that his students had won for the past year. He said that one of his male students had a way with a camera that would make him famous someday. A real talent.
We turned in and a room lettered "Dark Room" came up in front of us. Terrence opened the door for me, and then put the light on. It was a huge place! There was so much equipment that I wanted to see and touch. I spent some time in there just touching some of the sophisticated machinery, when Terrence asked me if I would want to try out some of it.
"Well of course, but I don't happen to have any exposed film with me."
"We run our own developing service here for the students. They bring in their film, in the same way that they would bring it to a store. We process it here. Right over here. Here's some film that has to be processed. Do you know how to use the equipment?"
"Well of course. But I'm not dressed for this."
"Here's an apron. The place is yours. Go ahead."
I hurried to put the apron on, and then I took the film that had to be processed. I prepared the solution, that was in the bath, and finally, all I needed was the dark to develop the negative.
"Would you shut the lights off, Terrence?"
"With pleasure, Cindy."
I took off my jewelry and started to plunge the negatives in the solution. The lights were off and all I could hear was the rustling of Terrance doing something and the picture swishing through the liquid. Suddenly, I felt Terrance very close to me. There was something hard pressing into my leg. and then into my buttocks. I didn't know what it was, so I didn't say anything, but when Terrence started rubbing himself against me, I realized what that hard thing was. He had his penis out and was rubbing it against me. I wanted to run, but that would mean the contest. I had to be nice to him.
"Mr. Wendler, please don't do that. I really do want to develop these pictures and I don't want to get into anything else. Please."
"Just a little bit of contact, Cindy. I promise you that it won't be any more than that."
Then he rubbed his cock against my thighs and up towards my crack in behind. I had underclothes on, but I didn't know what to do. He wasn't actually molesting me. He wasn't raping me. And I did want to win that contest. I didn't try to stop him when he did that and as I developed the picture, I was aware of every move that he made. The thought of being here in the school's dark room with the principal making advances towards me was flattering, if misguided joy. I didn't want to prolong it, though, and I went, myself, to switch on the lights.
I made no mention of the incident. I talked about the picture and the room, itself. I wanted to use some of the other machinery, but I was sure that lunch was ready and I didn't know how to handle the situation. We went back to his office, and the lunch was already there. I talked about other things, but the only thing I could think of was the contest. I wanted to say that I had won a contest. It might mean a scholarship, if I was good enough. And I wanted to beat that other girl who spoke after I did.
"Cindy, I hope you won't be angry with me for what happened back in the dark room. Are you?"
"I don't know what you're talking about. Nothing happened, did it?"
This was the only way that I knew how to handle the situation. Terrance seemed to accept the fact that I didn't mind, or at least wouldn't tell anyone, and we had lunch. They had brought up sandwiches, and soda, and I ate with an amazing appetite. I couldn't remember being so hungry. We finished lunch and I was anxious to be back in the hall, listening to the contestants.
Terrance, however, wanted to show me something else. After lunch, I like to relax a bit. But, he wanted to go to the lounge. I was impressed. I had never been in a teacher's lounge. Terrance led the way and we went around several corners in the huge building before we got to the right door. It was very quiet. There were two sets of doors within the lounge. One said Female and the other said Male.
"I'm used to the Male lounge, if you don't mind. It's perfectly alright to bring guests into the lounge."
I went in and was happily surprised that the place was nicely furnished. It was bright in there, for there were windows in the room. The outer room had none. We sat down on the couch, and then Terrance got up and got some liquor out of a cabinet. He had two glasses in his hand.
"This is one of the privileges of being principal. I like to have some to relax me. Especially before making such important decisions like this contest. Will you join me?"
"I don't drink much at all, Terrance. Why don't you have some? I won't mind."
"No, you have just a drop, to be sociable. You don't have to drink the entire glass."
I figured the best way to handle this would be to take the glass and then not drink any of it. I could hold the glass. That way, he wouldn't be angry with me, and I wouldn't have to drink it. He drank a lot right away, and then, he came over to the chair where I was sitting...He put his hand on my lap. Right there.
INTERVIEW TWO
That first interview ended because Cindy began to cry. She refused to say anymore that day, and I decided not to push her into something that was extremely uncomfortable for her. When she came for her second appointment, she did not seem as upset as the first time. We had little problem getting into the details of the actual scene that traumatized her.
Once we were in the teacher's lounge, and he had some whiskey to drink, there was little
I could do to stop him. He forced me to drink some of the liquor in my glass. Well, when I say forced, I mean that he told me it would be very unfriendly if I didn't have a sip and he would think that I didn't like him. So, I drank a little bit of the stuff. I tasted like something awful, but I managed to get it down.
As I was sitting with the drink in my hand, Terrance came over to me and while he was sitting next to me, he put his hand in my lap. He put it right between my legs. I didn't know what to do, and I tried to brush his hand away. As I did that, the whiskey in my glass spilled and got all over my dress. The smell was terrible. I thought that I would get sick.
"Oh, isn't that terrible! You poor thing. You can't go back to the contest looking like that. Why don't you take your dress off and wash out the spot. There's still a good hour before the contestants finish. Go on. I'll help you with it."
Terrance started to undress me, and though I started to resist him, he undid the buttons without pausing. I was startled from the drink and from the things that were happening. I didn't want to get undressed in front of Mr. Wendler. He was nice, but not that nice. I just didn't want this to happen. All of a sudden, the contest didn't seem that important. I started to pull my dress back on and then
Terrance just stopped me;
"Cindy, this isn't very nice. Where are you going?"
"Mr. Wendler, I don't care about the contest. I just want to go home. I really only want to go home."
"Cindy, you don't understand the situation. Even if you don't win the contest, there's still school to think of. Why don't you be nice to me? There's nothing to gain from being mean and unfriendly, is there?"
I sank back on the chair and Terrance pulled my dress off entirely. I was wearing a bra and a half slip. He pulled the rest off and I was sitting there in my bra and my panties. I felt so stupid sitting there. He was still fully dressed. I just didn't know what to do. I thought about screaming, but what would happen. I was in the men's teacher's lounge, with whiskey spilled on my dress and some on my breath .Why had I spent the day with him? Why wasn't I with the rest of the contestants. And now, he said something about school.
"You have such a nice body, Cindy. I just want to look at it. You come over here and stretch out on this couch. I want to look at that young body."
I went over to the couch and lay full length on it. Terrance stood back and looked at me as I did this. Then he came over and pulled at my panties. I held onto them, but he just looked at me and I let go. I can't say why. Next, he was at my bra, and in a moment, I was completely naked. I felt so stupid lying there, naked on the leather couch.
Terrance walked over to look at me again. He walked back and forth along the couch and looked, and I was embarrassed. I wasn't a virgin, but I had only been with one boy. I had never let him see me naked, either. We had done it in the dark and I hadn't seen him for weeks after that because I was so embarrassed. Now, I was naked in front of a man I didn't really know.
Then he started to do things that really felt strange. He was still dressed, but he was excited. I could see the bulge in his pants. He came over and put his finger into my pussy and rubbed it up and down. He rubbed hard, and the sensation was strange. I was jerking my body from the intensity of the pressure of his hand. As I jumped, he laughed and then asked me to turn over. I had no idea what he was about to do.
I heard a package being opened, and then, I felt something very cold on my bottom. I felt something greasy on my ass and then there was something in my asshole! I shrieked as his finger went far up into my anal passage. He just rubbed that finger in and out of me, very surely. He did it slowly at first, and then he increased the speed of his motions.
"This is the part of you that I want. I love to feel a nice, sweet, innocent asshole. You are a virgin here, aren't you?"
I didn't answer at first, and then Terrance asked me something else.
"What I mean, is that has anyone shoved a huge cock up inside there?"
I got scared then.
"No, no! Please don't do that to me! I'm afraid! Don't please!"
Terrence just laughed and kept pushing his finger into my asshole.
"Okay, let's get this started. I can feel my cock bursting with desire for your sweet asshole. Drape yourself over the arm of the couch. Here, I'll put some cushions underneath your little ass for height, and also your hips you so you can support yourself when I push into you."
He arranged the couch so that the cushions were piled up at one end, and I was over the arm of the couch. My ass was sticking up in the air and I was scared. But there was something else happening inside me. I was getting excited by the feelings he produced in my ass. No one had ever done that to me before. The feeling was completely new to me. And I liked it.
Just then, while I was thinking about this, Terrance opened his pants and took out his cock. He put some of the cream on it, and then he came at me. I felt a sharp pain, and screamed.
"Please, Don't do this to me! Oh!"
I found the strength to struggle and I pulled away from the couch and from his cock. The whole episode seemed unreal! This just couldn't be happening here in a school that I had come to.
"Come here, you little bitch!"
Mr. Wendler was drunk and he was getting rough. He caught me before I got very far and threw me to the floor. I fell and stayed there, crying. He threw himself on top of me, and pulled his trousers down, Then he pushed me onto my stomach and forced my body flat under his.
"Listen, my little pretty miss. If you say anything to anyone about this, I'll have you thrown out of school! No one will believe you. What are you doing up here with me. I'll tell them that you started this whole thing, and I threw you out before you could get anywhere. Who do you think they will believe?"
The picture had suddenly changed. He was threatening to have me expelled. That would mean that I couldn't go to college. That would mean that my whole life would be ruined!
What could I do? I lay still underneath him, biting my lips. He pushed at me with his cock, and this time, he didn't stop, no matter how much I squirmed and shrieked. I closed my eyes when I felt the huge cock hit at my ass and push its way through.
Terrance picked me up under the middle and forced my ass up into the air. As he did this, his cock slipped into the hole and went all the way up my ass. There was cream on me and on his cock, but that couldn't stop the pain from racing across my brain. The stretching was bad, very bad.
There was no use in struggling, but I couldn't help squirming around. That hot pole up my ass was driving me crazy and I couldn't stay still. But every time that I moved, the cock only went further up. Terrance was grunting now, thrusting his cock in and out of my hole. Then did something that changed everything. With the hand underneath me, he grabbed at my pussy. He made a stab at my clitoris and then began to rub it. I started to feel the pleasant sensation and then my whole body started to relax.
The pain in my ass wasn't that bad, and I began to move against his hand. I felt trapped in the situation and I wanted to enjoy the feelings running through my body. I rubbed my pussy into his hand as much as I could. I could feel the thick cock throbbing in my ass and even that started to excite me. I almost enjoyed the sensation of the cock in there.
Terrance sensed the change in me and started to stroke more slowly.
"Hah! You're beginning to enjoy this little tryst! Doesn't that feel good in your ass? I know that I have a good cock for ass-fucking. I love to shove it up there. Especially in virgin asses."
"I just feel you hand on my pussy, and that makes it so much better. Yes, I almost feel good about all of this."
Then Terrance got very good about the whole thing. He managed to get one finger into my vagina and frigged me that way while rubbing my. clit, too. I began to feel as though I could come. I felt wild. I didn't want this, and yet I wanted it terribly. I needed it. I began to enjoy the cock in my ass. Really. But then, I started to come, and I couldn't think about anything else. I felt the world explode inside me and my pussy squeezed together making me move wildly.
As I started to move, I must have done something to Terrance, cause he started to grunt and jerk his cock in and out of me very fast and then, I felt a hot gush of something up my ass. I was surprised at how hot it was. I had never felt a guy come inside me, ever.
Both times I had been with that boy, he had used something and I didn't get any of it on me. This was so different.
"Oh, you hot little bitch? What an asshole! Rock it over me! Make that cock pour it out for you!"
I felt completely degraded and I writhed on the floor while he shot his come up my ass. I finished my own orgasm and then we lay together. He pulled out of my ass and then he lay there, close to me for a moment. When he opened his eyes, he was less drunk. He zipped his pants and almost seemed embarrassed to see me this way. There was that white stuff all over my ass and my legs. And when I got up, it ran down my legs.
I got to the women's bathroom, and I fixed myself up. I was pretty numb from the whole thing. When I got back to the lounge, there was a note from Terrence saying that he was sorry for the accident that I had with my dress and that he would make sure that I was compensated for it. I went right home after that, but found out when I got to school on Monday, that I had won the contest.
I was so happy, and my whole school was so thrilled that I didn't know what to do about the whole thing. I just didn't do anything. I suppose that was wrong. But I didn't know what to do. My parents were so proud of me and everything. Now, I even have a chance to get a scholarship. How could something so terrible bring such good things?
Then, there is the fact that I wanted to impress him and use his friendship in a way that was wrong. And, viewing the act, I did enjoy part of it. At the very last, when he was coming, I came, too. I guess that I can't blame him completely for this. He never held me down with his body, but I was afraid for my future. Doctor, I just don't know what to do.
CONCLUSION
It was useless, in the beginning, to convince Cindy that she actually had nothing to do with the rape. She was so laden with guilt, that no matter what tactic I took, she refused to see the principal's entire culpability. Cindy, however, is a bright girl, and after several more sessions, I was able to at least have her consider the possibility of bringing this incident to the attention of the correct parties.
This man has a problem, and should be helped. Cindy no longer blamed him for the incident, however, and throughout the remainder of our therapy sessions, I was unable to convince her that this was the only and the right way for her to proceed. She remained constant in her belief that everything should be forgotten. She is off to a fine career in a wonderful college, and she refuses to consider jeopardizing this.
As to Cindy's emotional health concerning this incident, I see no real lasting problem. Even a few weeks after the experience, she was back to her usual fine temper and did not express any wish to stay away from boys. Again, this was possible insofar as her parents never knew about this and she was allowed to forget the entire experience. Young minds are stronger than some would believe.
CASE HISTORY THREE
Subject: Vicki W. Age: Sixteen
INTERVIEW ONE
This very quiet young lady was referred to me by the local child welfare department. She has been in several foster homes since the unfortunate break-up of her home when she was only six. The reason behind this referral was a terribly unfortunate incident in this young lady's life. She was placed with a couple who had never been foster parents before and had been molested by the man in the house.
Her attitude was one of resignation and withdrawal. It was several weeks before we could come to the tape that has been reproduced below.
I didn't really mind being at this house. I had learned before that I wouldn't stay in any one forever, but I have nice memories about most of the places. This one was pretty, prettier than most of the others. In the beginning, I figured that it was going to be the best place I had ever been. I had a fine room all for my own. It had a television and a record player, and they went out and bought me lots of records.
Jean and Marty seemed very nice. I guess I have to say that they were both very nice to me. Jean was more of a friend to me than a foster mother. She never pulled a high and mighty act with me and Marty was just nice to me. I didn't have too much to do with him at first. Sure, he was with us most of the time, but he kept to himself.
The first time that Marty and I ever spent any time alone, it was when Jean's mother got sick and she went to stay with her for a day or 50. I was worried about Jean's mother, too, and for a couple of reasons. First, if she was really sick, and Jean had to take care of her, maybe I would have to leave. She might have to spend all her time with her mother and there wouldn't be any room for me.
Then, I was really sorry that this lady had to get sick. I liked Jean, and I was sorry that her mother was sick. Jean was a nice person, and I guess her mother must have been just as nice. I didn't like to see Jean upset the way she was before she left for her mother's. I don't like to see good people unhappy. I have met some terrible people and they deserve to be unhappy.
Well, after Jean left, I decided that I should take care of the house. Jean was only supposed to be away for a couple of days at the most, or maybe just overnight. I wanted her to know that I cared and so I started cleaning up the house. I was working in the kitchen when Marty came in.
"What are you doing, Vicki?"
"Just straightening up, Marty. I don't want Jean to come home to a dirty house."
"Now, look here. You know that we have someone come in and clean for Jean. You don't have to run around like a little maid. This is where you live, not where you work. Go watch some television. That's an order."
I was happy to hear Marty talk this way, and I didn't mind when he smacked my backside as I went past him. He made me feel very much at home and I liked him for that. Well, I watched television for a while, and then I got hungry. I wasn't used to the house yet, and I was afraid to get a snack for myself. But, then, I figured that someone would have to get some food since Jean wasn't here.
On my way to the kitchen, I passed through the living room. I wanted to see if Marty was there. I guess that I was still shy about getting something for myself. He was there reading some book, but when I came in, he put the book down. I saw the title on the book and it had something to do with sex. He put it down with the cover against the chair so that I couldn't see the title, and I didn't say anything. I figured that he didn't want me to know what he was reading.
"Anything wrong, sugar?"
"No, I just thought that I might make a snack. Is that alright?"
"Oh, of course it is. But while you're in there, would you mind getting me something, too?"
I felt great when he said that. I never had a home where I could get things and I wanted to show Marty how much I appreciated his letting me do this. I was going to make him something.
"Sure, Marty. What do you want?"
Marty sat there for a moment, and just looked at me. Then he started to say something, but stopped right away.
"I don't know. Just a little hungry for a little nibble."
"Why don't I surprise you?"
"Hey, that's a nice idea. You surprise me with a snack."
I was very happy that night. I went into the kitchen and made a huge sandwich for Marty. It must have had seven different things on it, and we laughed when I served it to him. We laughed a lot that night, and when it was time to go to bed, I was sorry to leave him. I liked having this kind of fun with him. But the next day was a school day and I had to get up early. So did he.
The next day, Jean came home. Her mother was getting better and she wanted to come home to us. She was in a great mood and we had a wonderful dinner that night. I didn't mention the night before to Jean. Somehow, it was very special to me. I never had a father or any man spend that kind of time with me and I held it very close to my heart. Jean wanted to know how we managed without her and I just said that it was okay, but that we missed her.
That was true about missing Jean. I really liked her. But this thing with Marty was so special. We spent some nice weeks after that, and then Jean's sister was having a baby. Her sister asked her if she could come out and stay with her for a few days. Jean was happy to help her sister, but she didn't seem to happy to spend that much time away from the house.
She thought about taking me, but her sister wanted to spend the time alone with her.
I know that she had some cross words with her sister about that, but Jean's mother said that the sister was only nervous about having the baby and Jean should understand. Finally, Jean did go, but she said that she would be back the minute her sister had the baby. I told her not to worry, that I would take care of things. Before she left, Jean hugged me and told me that she would miss me. That made me feel very good.
But, I was happy, in a way, that Jean was going for a while. I really enjoyed that night alone with Marty. Now I would have a couple of days like that. I was very excited about this. The first night that Marty and I spent together was a Wednesday. He wanted to go out, put I had come straight home, from school and cooked a nice meal. He was so surprised and happy, that he went and got a bottle of wine from the cabinet and I had my first glass of wine, ever.
After dinner, we spent some time, watching television together and then he read a book. Finally, It was time for bed, and I went upstairs. Nothing had happened like the last time. I mean that we didn't talk much or do anything after dinner. When I was about to go to bed, Marty knocked on the door. I was in my pajamas and Marty looked at me for a while before he said anything.
"Just want to see if you're alright. Need anything?"
"No, I'm just fine. See you in the morning."
When I went to bed that night, I imagined myself playing with Marty in the living room. I fell asleep thinking about him and I dreamed some terrible things. I dreamed that he was running after me and when he caught me, he did something to me. I don't remember anything else, except that I woke up nervous.
When I got home from school the next day, Marty had left a note for me. He said that we would go out to dinner and that I was only to pretty up. He didn't want to hear of me in the kitchen. I was thrilled and I spent the rest of the afternoon trying on some makeup and all of the clothes that I had. Jean had just bought me a nice dress, and I decided to wear that. It looked more grown-up than any of the other clothes that I had.
When Marty came home, I was waiting in the living room for him. I was wearing the pretty blue dress that hugged my top a little and fell in soft pleats. I wore my only pair of high heel shoes and borrowed some of Jean's perfume. I didn't really wear much makeup, because I didn't want to make it seem that this was so important. Then, I guess, I just don't like the way I look with a lot of makeup on.
"Well, well, my little princess. Stand up and let me get an eyeful of you."
I felt a little embarrassed when Marty said that, but I was happy that he noticed what I was wearing. Then I realized why he was so impressed. The more I thought about it, I realized that Marty had never seen me in anything but jeans or slacks and a sweater or sweatshirt since that was all that I wore to school. That was all that most of the kids wore.
"You look like a young lady. You look so different in that from what you look like in your jeans. I like you this way. I really do."
There was only one problem. I didn't have a coat nice enough to go with the dress and the shoes, and I hesitated before we were about to go. Marty solved that by throwing one of Jean's coats at me. It was a beautiful one that I had only seen once. It had a wonderful fox collar on it. It was wide and when I pulled it up, it looked like a hood, almost.
We went to a great restaurant that had candles on the table and the lights were so low. I felt so grown up! I had a wonderful time. I couldn't drink there, but Marty let me sip some of his wine. Marty had some whiskey before dinner and then some during and a night cap when we got home. I was floating on air. Being out with Marty that way was so very different.
I felt bad a bit about the thoughts that were running through my head and at one point, Marty asked me what was wrong. I told him nothing, but he kept after me.
"Oh, Marty. It's just that I never have ever gone to anyplace like the restaurant tonight, and I never have been with a man all alone. I feel so good, and I don't think that I should."
I couldn't look at Marty. We were in the living room, and I still had the coat near me. I rubbed the collar against my face while I waited for his answer. He didn't come over to me, but just looked at me from where he was sitting.
"Vicki, you are a lovely young lady. In just a few years, you will have many men taking you out. You will have a life of your own. Any man would be proud to be with you. I know that I was, tonight.'
He took a sip of the drink that he held in his hand.
"And, as for feeling bad about tonight, well, that's just plain foolish. Why many girls have those very feelings about their natural fathers. You are a young woman, you know, and I am a very normal man, Vicki. I was very happy to be with you tonight. You still look so different in that dress. You're going to be a beautiful young woman very soon."
My head was spinning from the entire evening, and I got up to put the coat away. I knew that the next day was school, and I didn't really want to go to bed at all. But, I knew that this had to end, too. I walked by Marty, and I stopped when I got to him.
"Oh, Marty... I don't know.."
Marty reached out to me and pulled me to him. I didn't fight him at all. He just held me for a while. But we were very close to each other. I sort of fell into his lap and just cuddled there. His face was against my neck and he kissed me again and again, there. I felt like something was burning up inside me and I couldn't sit still. I was sort of squirming around in his lap.
For some reason, I don't remember, or understand, I threw my arms around his neck and held on very tightly to him. My breasts were pressing into him and I started to feel his chest heave faster. He was breathing very hard. He started to put his hands under my dress and ran his fingers along my thigh. I felt the burning in my body get worse, and then I didn't know what to do. I wanted to put something in between my legs. I wanted to rub my slit and bring myself off, I wanted to feel myself there, but all at once I was ashamed and frantic.
"Marty, something's happening to me. I don't know what it is! It's kind of scarey!"
Marty was rubbing across my bottom, now, and the feeling was getting worse.
"What do you mean, sugar? Tell me about it. Come on, tell me about it."
"Well, I feel so hot inside me. I can't stay still. And I want to do something that sometimes I do. But only in private."
"You're a virgin, aren't you, honey?"
"Yes. I've never been with anyone before. I never got to meet anyone who I got to know real well, Marty."
"What you're feeling is just a normal feeling, sugar. You're probably getting excited and don't know what you're feeling. Do you feel that burning in your pussy?"
I felt my face burn with embarrassment when Marty said that.
"Now, you don't have to be ashamed in front of me. I care about, you. Is it in your pussy?"
I nodded instead of answering. I was feeling something besides shame. I liked talking about these parts of my body with Marty.
"And, I bet, your breasts are tingling, aren't they? Especially the nipples?"
"How did you know that?"
Marty laughed. He hugged me a bit more, but he kept one hand on my fanny.
"Because, ray little virgin, that's the way all women feel when they get excited. But, now, we're going to have a problem."
Marty put his hand to his crotch and rubbed it there. For the first time, I saw a bulge there, in his pants. I had never before seen anything like that on Marty. In the evenings or in the mornings, I usually saw him dressed, or with a robe and pajamas on. I never really even thought about him in that way. But here he was, with that big bulge in his pants, and it was so close to my thigh. i:I can't talk to you about these things tonight, sugar. I've got a hard-on that is driving me crazy. I think that I'll go upstairs and try to sleep. If I can't, I'll have to jack myself off so that I can sleep. You sure are a little devil."
All of a sudden, I didn't want Marty to leave me. I thought of anything to keep him there.
"Uh, Marty, what does a hard-on mean? I mean, I don't know anything about a man's body at all."
I could see a look in his eyes that I had never seen before, 'cause he was getting excited, too. He closed his eyes a minute, and then sighed.
"You want to find out about a man's body, tonight? Vicki, if I start talking about it tonight, well, I can't promise what will happen.
Or what won't. I'm hot, sugar. I don't think I can handle it."
"You mean that you don't want to teach me about a man's body?"
Marty put his head back on the cushions of the chair. He closed his eyes tightly for a minute. When he started speaking, his eyes were still closed.
"Right now, Vicki, there's nothing I want to do more, but to show you what a man's body looks like and feels like. But not just a man's body, my body. I want to teach you everything."
"I'd like to have you teach me, Marty."
I couldn't believe the words were mine. Even then, I knew that what I was saying was wrong, that I was doing something terrible. I couldn't help myself. I just didn't want to be without him that night. I didn't want to go up to bed.
Marty opened his eyes and looked at me, then he brought my face next to his and he kissed me. Right on the lips! I loved the feeling. He didn't do anything like I heard that some kids did. You know, shoving his tongue into my mouth or anything. He just kissed me on the lips for a long time. I could feel my body getting hot again. I put my hand on his chest and when I felt his muscles under his shirt move, I started to get even worse. I didn't know what else to do.
"Oh, Marty, it's getting bad again. What do I do?"
"Take your panties off, honey, and I'll make you feel better."
I turned around on Marty's lap and I shucked my stockings and shoes and finally my panties. I felt terribly wicked sitting there on his lap with no panties on at all! My pussy was very wet and I was afraid of wetting his pants.
"Maybe I shouldn't sit on your lap, Marty. I don't want to, well, I might get you messy."
"You mean that your pussy is all wet and ready?"
When he said this, Marty seemed to go wild.
"Well, let me see for myself."
Then Marty put his hand under my dress and pressed his fingers right into my crotch. I gasped when his fingers touched my hot pussy, and I could feel his fingers getting very wet. I couldn't look at him, but as his fingers rubbed against my body, I felt the wonderful thrill of his touch. I must have started to work myself up and down on his fingers, cause Marty started to rub them into me faster.
"Dammit, you are hot! Rub yourself wild on my hand, little princess!' While he said that, he started unzipping his pants. When he did that, I sort of forgot about being that hot, and wanted to see his body. I watched as he pulled his cock from his pants. It was so big! The head was almost purple.
"Go ahead, you want to feel it, sugar?"
I put my hand out to touch it, and when I did, I was surprised at how hot it was. Really, it was like a hot water pipe. But it was so big, that when I tried to get my hand around it, I almost couldn't. I just made it, with my hand. But, when I did that, Marty moaned so loudly, that I figured that I had hurt him. I pulled my hand away.
"No, no, honey, don't stop touching him. It felt so good. You didn't do anything wrong, really."
Marty still had his fingers in my pussy, but he didn't shove them all the way up inside. He rubbed me on the outside up and down, and then, in a circle. I know that his hand was so very wet.
"How are you feeling now, honey?"
"Oh, Marty, I feel like I want something in me. I never felt that way before. I like what your fingers are doing to me, but I want something inside me, too. Don't men put that in a woman?"
"Oh, honey, don't tempt me! Please! I'd love to take your cherry. I would love to cream in that virgin pussy."
I was losing control of myself. I wanted to feel good all over and I didn't really care how it happened. I suddenly could only think of getting something inside me.
"Then do it, Marty. I won't tell anyone, I swear!"
Marty tried to push me off him for a minute, but I held on.
"Vicki, you don't know what you're talking about! There are so many things that could happen. Suppose you got pregnant? Suppose you didn't really like it. No, it's not that simple."
That shocked me a little bit, and I turned around in his lap. When I did that, his cock hit up against my ass cheeks. The heat of his cock still shocked me, but it felt nice against my skin. I guess I must have rubbed myself a little against him, while I was thinking about what he said. Then, all of a sudden, Marty went almost wild.
"But, honey, there is one way that I can get inside you, and no one will ever know. I can shove it up that pretty little virgin ass. You can have your cherry, and I can get off in you."
I didn't really know what his words meant. I was happy that he wanted to be near me. I was feeling as though he didn't want to have anything to do with me. but now, it was different. Marty grabbed me and pulled my bottom closer to him.
"Rub yourself over that cock for me, honey. Oh, that's it! Move those hips!"
I rocked myself over him and I felt some wetness on my ass. I thought that he had come.
"Did you come, Marty? Is it all over?"
"Sweetheart, that's only a drop of what I have for you. You are going to find out what a real man is all about, and find out tonight! Lift up your bottom a bit."
What he did next was so wonderful, that I can still remember what it felt like. I got up on my knees on the chair and he slid his cock up against my pussy. The tip of it almost went into the hole, but he just kept rubbing it all along my slit, and he touched the clit, that bump I like to rub. I was so wet that it felt wonderful! Honestly, I thought that I would do it right then.
But as he rubbed, he started to rub all the way back to my ass. He would bring all that juice over to my ass, until I was really very wet from the front of my hair to the back of my ass, high up. I felt so slippery there.
"Okay, honey, it's time for that major lesson, right now. Right now."
Marty started to push me down off the chair and onto the floor. I felt funny half dressed.
"Okay, now slide onto the floor, honey. I'm right with you. I'll just get the rest of myself out, and then you'll have your fill of a cock. Here, put his pillow under your hips, and pull your dress up."
I wanted to feel that wonderful feeling again, so I did what he told me, and then I was on the floor on this pillow and my dress up away from my bottom. I was a little scared, but I didn't want to stop. Marty opened his pants all the way and let them drop. He pulled out his balls, too, and as I turned back for a minute, he cradled them in his hand and rubbed them.
"These are what you call a man's balls, or his scrotum. That's where all the hot juice is manufactured. The hot stuff that I am going to give to you right now."
Then Marty got on top of me and did that nice thing again. He rubbed his cock into my pussy from the back and I kept getting wetter and wetter. Then he stuck a finger into my ass and I shrieked. It felt strange.
But then, Marty pushed it in and pulled it out. He rubbed his finger in and out of my ass and it started to feel good. I was hot, too. I never did anything like this before, anyway, and I didn't know what to expect. Then Marty pulled his finger out of my asshole and put his cock back there, instead.
"Here goes, angel."
Marty pushed the hard cock against my ass and I screamed from the pain.
"No, stop, Marty, please! That hurts! That hurts a lot!"
But he wouldn't stop. The pain was terrible and he wouldn't stop. I got really scared and tried to get up, but he was strong and he held me down.
"Don't fight it, sugar! I have to do it this way. It's best for both of us! I have to do it!"
But the more I struggled, the more his cock hurt my anus. I must have been really yelling, cause he tried to keep me quiet.
"Come on, shut up, Vicki. You wanted this as much as I did! You asked me to do it, now just shut up until I get it in all the way. It will feel better in a minute!"
I was crying and crying, now, because the pain was so bad. I felt him pull out a little bit, and then, he shoved it all the way up. I really screamed that time.
"Okay, okay, it's all the way in, sugar! Now just relax. You're tight back here. It hurts me a little, too. Take it easy, and I won't move for a while."
After he said that, he rubbed his hands over my ass cheeks and that made me feel tingly again. That big cock in me hurt a little, but since he wasn't moving, it didn't feel that bad at all. He moved a little then, and the pain started to come back again. I realized that I was guilty of some of this, but I was still scared that he would rip me apart or something.
Then, Marty pulled his cock out of me almost all the way. I gasped from the quickness and the strange sensation it produced. But when he shoved it back in, it hurt again.
"Ow! You said it wouldn't hurt again! Marty, stop, stop!" "I can't stop now, sugar, I'm going to come in just a minute or two. I can't stop now."
Marty kept shoving that big cock into my asshole and though I struggled, he didn't seem to care anymore about me. He wasn't listening to what I was saying. He pulled it almost all the way out, and then he would slam it back in with a powerful thrust. I was almost sliding across the floor from the pushing he was doing, and he had to hold me to keep me close to him.
Marty kept shoving his cock into me and when he put his hands on me to keep me close, I felt the friction of my pussy against the pillow. His weight was almost fully upon me. But, just then, Marty started pumping into me wildly, and I thought for sure that my asshole would be ripped apart.
"Oh, no! Here it comes, Vicki, get ready. You just lost one part of your virginity!"
Then a hot gush of something shot inside me. Marty grunted a lot and kept pushing at me. Each time that he shoved into me, another shot of this hot stuff shot into me. I had a funny feeling in my pussy, and the last time he shot this come into me, I felt myself coming, too. I felt crazy. I started to come and I didn't want to show it, but Marty felt my ass tighten around his cock as I came, and he kept shoving into me.
"Oh, that's it, honey! Get yourself off, too. You liked having my cock in your ass. Come on, come on, let it happen."
Finally I stopped coming and I just lay there. When Marty felt me stop, he stopped, too. We lay there, him on top of me and me underneath. I was full of his come, all over. As he was shooting into me, the stuff had come out of my ass and gotten all over my legs. It was over him, too. Marty pulled out of me slowly, and then, it didn't really hurt at all. He helped me get up, and wiped some of the stuff off me, so that I wouldn't get my dress full of it.
When I looked at Marty, I could see that he was feeling terrible. I didn't feel that bad, but I had yelled some mean things while he was inside me, and we both remembered them. I just said goodnight and went, upstairs.
The next day, Marty left for work before I was up and Jean's sister had the baby that afternoon. She was home by dinner time and when Marty came in, he said hello to her and they spent most of the evening together. I felt terrible. I was out in the living room and they were together. I was so left out. I was afraid that he might tell her what happened, and that she would send me away.
But nothing happened, and Jean was just the same to me as ever. I never saw Marty alone again for a long time, but by then, I felt strange. I started to act funny, I guess, and pretty soon, the agency said that they thought that it would be better if I went someplace else. I didn't want to go, but then, I did. I didn't know what I felt. After I left Jean and Marty, I just stopped going to school for a while.
The psychologist saw me a couple of times, but I didn't like her. I wouldn't tell her anything. Finally, I talked to one of the counselors who I knew for a while and somehow, the story started to come out. But when I saw the look on her face, I just stopped. I made up a different ending. I never, never told them the real story. They think that he tried something because he was drunk, but I wouldn't let him and went to sleep.
I heard someone say that Marty could be prosecuted for what he did. I don't want anything to happen to him. Ill never tell anyone else about this, and if you do, I will say that it's a lie.
Sometimes, late at night, I lie awake and think about Marty. I get hot and I imagine that he's in my ass and then in my pussy. I stick my own fingers in there, but they don't feel like him. Sometimes, I wish he had taken my cherry.
CONCLUSION
Vicki will probably hold onto the memory of Marty for as long as she needs to. Until some loving man comes into her life, she will think of him as someone who really wanted her. He awakened in her the budding sexuality of a woman, and she considers him as her lover. But "lover" in this case is not only physical. She has never had a solid, long-term relationship with any male. The feelings were good between Vicki and Marty. He was not a bad person, and he never sought to hurt her the way she had been hurt psychologically.
While I cannot condone such a physical relationship in a foster home, I am concerned that the sudden break after this sexual contact will harm Vicki's ability to associate sex with love in years to come. She wanted him to touch her and hold her, and when he did, he hurt her at first, but in the long run, it took her away from the affection and security of the home.
With therapy, however, I feel that Vicki will learn that this was not the only sexual experience she will ever have and that her sexuality is good, even though, in this case, it served her unjustly. Not surprisingly, she admits to wanting to see Marty again. I honestly believe that she will attempt this when she is a bit older.
CASE HISTORY FOUR
Subject: Ali M. Age: Fifteen
INTERVIEW ONE
Ali is a bright-eyed, freckled redhead that shows a vivacity for life even though she was temporarily upset by the unfortunate experience she suffered. The school guidance counselor referred her to me for some immediate crisis counselling. The school counselor had found out about Ali's trouble from a girl friend, and not from the victim, herself.
This happy sophomore was involved in sports and cheerleading. She spent much time in extracurricular activities and her parents were used to her being home late. A friend saw her being dragged away, but when Ali showed up hours later, and didn't say anything, the friend was confused and went to the counselor for advice.
When the counselor could get nothing from Ali, she decided to have the child see me in an attempt to get to the bottom of the probable assault. It took several sessions before Ali would admit anything of the nature.
I usually practice every afternoon for the cheerleading squad when I'm not at basketball practice. Our high school is very big, being the central one in the area, and you can pretty much do as you like as long as you fulfill requirements. My parents don't mind my extra stuff. In fact, Daddy is proud of my being on the basketball junior varsity. I'm an only child, and sometimes, I swear that he would have preferred a son. Oh, he never says anything like that, but I just know.
Most afternoons, I get home about five o'clock, so my parents don't worry even if I don't make it till six. Well, we don't mix the boys and girl's teams at the school, but there was a rumor going around that they would put together the first mixed team in the area. I was really excited about that idea, cause I thought that Dad would get a big kick out of my being on the real high school basketball team. Not just the girls' team. I didn't know the coach on the varsity very well,'cause he was pretty new to the school, but I wanted to find out if this rumor was true.
None of the kids on my team really knew anything about it, so one afternoon, I was practicing my cheerleading routine alone and I saw the coach walk into the gym. It was pretty late and I guess I must have been the only one there. I was jumping and cheering, and I saw him pop his head into the gym. When he saw me, he looked for a minute and I stopped.
"Just wanted to see who could be here so late. Don't you think your parents will worry about you being so late?"
I looked at the big gym clock. It was four-thirty.
"Oh, that's alright. They're used to me coming home close to six or later sometimes."
I know that I exaggerated a bit, but I wanted to make him think that I was more adult than most of the other sophs. When I said that, he walked into the gym and just looked at me. I was wearing my practice skirt for the cheers. It is just as short as the real outfit, and I usually wear dancing briefs underneath it. Today, though, I just had my panties on. I didn't figure on having anyone come in.
When I bent over to get my sweatshirt on the floor, I was very conscious of not having the dance briefs on, and I tried to bend without showing any of my bottom. But, then, I realized that I might have a chance to find out about the new basketball team. I wanted to ask the coach about it right out, but I didn't know just how.
"Hey, I didn't mean to interrupt your practice. I can't help but admire your form. You're on the junior varsity girls' basketball team, too, aren't you?"
I was thrilled that the coach knew that. I figured that he had been scouting for this new team, and maybe he liked me for it.
"Oh, yes, yes, I am. I really like basketball! I just do the cheering to keep my mother happy. It's her idea that a girl should be in that kind of activity instead of the sports."
I couldn't figure out why I was lying this was. I liked cheering myself. My mother was never in cheering, .and she didn't seem to care one way or another which activity I was interested in, as long as I liked it. Suddenly, I felt it was necessary for the coach to realize that I would spend all my time with basketball if I was on the team.
"Oh, is that so? Do you think she minds you being in basketball that much?"
I realized that I was leading in the wrong direction.
"No, no, she's really proud of me in that, too."
Then there was just silence. I figured that the coach would just leave. I wanted to ask him about the new team. I felt as though I just had to know. But there wasn't anything I could do, just then. I looked up, and I saw the coach looking at my tits. Sometimes, I would take off my bra when I practiced, and today, I had. I don't have big ones, but they still bounce when I jump.
I was terribly conscious of my breasts jumping up and down as I walked over to get my stuff. I had to change and I picked up my clothes to go to the locker room. I swear that my face must have been redder than my hair. And then, I said something very stupid.
"I, uh, I usually wear a bra during games. You know, so they don't bounce this way."
Immediately, my face got redder, I guess, and the coach's did, too. He sort of turned away and I practically ran into the hallway towards the locker room. But he was coming after me, and I panicked and started to run out the side door. It was cold outside without any real clothes on. I got to the door, without my coat or anything, and I thought that I saw somebody in the dark yard. But, then, the coach reached me and pulled me back inside the door. I don't know why, but I was fighting him.
Coach Kelly was stronger than I was, though, and it wasn't hard for him to stop me and pull me back inside the school.
"Hey, hold on. What's the matter with you! You bolted and ran. Is something wrong?"
I was very close to him and our bodies were touching. Without a bra on, I could feel my tits up against his chest. I tried to pull back.
"Uh, no, no, nothing's wrong. I don't know why I ran. Gee, I really don't know why."
That was the truth. I was so embarrassed at having said what I did and embarrassing the coach as well, that all I wanted to do was disappear! But I was breathing hard, and I suddenly felt the cold from outside. I started to shiver.
"Hey, go on and change. You're starting to catch cold. That's not too bright for an athlete. Come on, I'll walk you over to make sure you're alright."
Coach Kelly and I walked towards the girls' locker room and I looked at him beside me. He was a good-looking man. He has this grey running through his hair and it makes him look so groovy! I couldn't believe that Coach Kelly was actually paying real attention to me. I was getting over the embarrassment from before, and my head was beginning to clear. When we got to the door of the locker room, I stopped for a minute.
"Thank you for , well, walking me here. I'm sorry that I acted so silly before."
But he didn't stop at the door, he opened it and held it for me. I was shocked that the coach would go inside the girls' locker room.
"I want to make sure that you get home safely. I don't like the idea of a girl here all by herself. Something could happen. This is a big school and there are so many pscple around here. I'll wait here while you take a shower, and get dressed. You better take a good hot shower, though. You look as though you might be coming down with a cold."
I didn't know what to say. Well, he looked real serious and I had acted like an idiot. I was a little shook up at what he said, but I didn't know what else to do. I had never thought about someone coming along and hurting me. He spooked me a little, so I just went inside, and headed for the shower stalls.
I got undressed, and turned on the shower. The hot water felt good. A shiver ran down my spine knowing that the coach was only on the other side of the room while I was naked in the shower! For a minute, I made believe that he was with me, and he was holding me and trying to kiss me. I lathered my body with the suds from the soap and imagined that they were his hands.
Since I was in the shower, I couldn't hear anything going on outside, and suddenly, I felt that someone was near me. I turned around and practically fainted when I saw the coach standing there, stark naked! His cock was standing out in front of him and he was holding another bar of soap.
"I wanted to make sure that you were alright, so I decided to come in with you. I don't want you to catch cold, so I'll rub you with the soap and make sure that you get a good shower. A good rub and then a good toweling. After that, maybe a rub down."
I was too shocked to scream. Anyway, what good would it do? I knew that there wasn't anyone else in this part of the building to hear me. The gym is in the basement of the building, and takes up the whole area, including the shower and locker rooms. So I didn't do anything when he put the soap under the water and started to rub the wet bar against my stomach. He rubbed me with the soap all over until I was soapy. He only touched my arms and legs and stomach and back, though really.
I stood there, not moving until he started to rub his soapy hands over my tits. The nipples were standing up almost straight and he rubbed the soap on them, too. It felt good, to tell the truth. He rubbed each tit separately and I started to get goose bumps!
"You like it, don't you?"
I was afraid to say that I did, so I didn't say anything at all. But I think that he knew it anyway. He stopped rubbing my tits and then he traced an "eight" across my stomach. Each time, he would go lower until he was into the hair on my pussy. When he got there, he rubbed a lot of soap into it and was shampooing it. He rubbed against my pussy, though, and it felt good. He made circles over it.
Up 'til now, he never asked me to touch him or even touched his cock to me. But, when he started dipping his finger into my pussy, between the lips, I could see that he was getting hot. I had necked with a couple of guys before, and when they wanted to have their peckers rubbed, they got kind of hot and breathed funny. Coach Kelly was doing this now. He rubbed his soapy fingers into my pussy, and it felt just wonderful. Even though I was scared, it still felt great.
"Why don't you put a little soap on my. With his other hand, he put the soap into mine and then pulled it up to his cock.
I could see the thing almost jumping, and when I didn't do it right away, he put some pressure on my hand. So, I started rubbing my hands on the soap to get some lather, and then I held my breath. I had never seen such a big one before. I put the soap up against the long part, and started to rub. The coach moaned and rocked his hips into my hands.
"That's it, honey, rub the soap all over him!"
I kept rubbing the soap over the hard cock and then I used both hands to rub over his balls. He was still doing me, too, and it was nice.
"No, no, rub the shaft and the head, go on!"
I went back to doing what he wanted, and I couldn't take my eyes off the giant thing. I knew that boys shot this come out of their cocks, and I wondered when he would do it. But, just then, I dropped the soap. I turned around in the shower, and bent over to pick it up. It slipped out of my hand, and I went fishing for it, as the water splashed over my body.
Before I could get the soap back again, I felt the coach pull my hips to him. He fitted the head of his cock up against my asshole and started to push. It hurt and I tried to get up. But he held me there with his hands.
"I hadn't thought about this, but it's too good to pass up. Just stay there, girl, and I'll give you something to remember. My cock is so slippery from the nice soaping that you gave it, he's all ready for this."
I didn't actually know what he was going to do. I had heard some of the kids talk about this one girl who liked to be with boys, but she wanted her cherry, so they would fuck her up the ass. I never thought about it much, except that she must be crazy. Some of the girls, though, they said that she liked it a lot. And I was a little curious about it.
Coach Kelly pushed against my ass and the soap made it easy to force the tight hole open. But that didn't make it hurt any less.
"Ow! That hurts bad. Hey, stop hurting me!"
Instead of answering me, the coach reached under me and started diddling my pussy. I was still soapy, too, and it felt good. He rubbed his finger agaisnt the bump, that clit and all the while, he was pushing in at my ass. Like I said, the soap made it easy for him and in no time, the thing was all the way up my ass. But my back was starting to hurt from the bent over position and my legs hurt too.
"My legs hurt and my back, too. Please let me up a little."
"Okay straighten up a bit."
When I did that, the cock felt ten times larger. I felt like there was a huge telephone pole up my ass, but my back felt better, and he was still working his finger on my clit and I didn't mind it as much. I was moving against his finger cause I wanted to come, and that would make me feel really good.
Suddenly, the coach started pumping into me really hard, and his balls were banging up against my thighs. Again and again, he shoved the cock into me and that started to hurt. The soap was drying on his cock, and it was beginning to hurt. I rubbed myself against his finger harder cause I figured that he was going to come, and I wanted to get off, too.
All this time, I kept thinking about that girl everyone talked about. I wasn't happy about the discomfort in my ass, but the feelings in my pussy weren't bad at all. Maybe she knew what she was doing. Well, anyway, the coach knew what he was doing, and he shot his load up my ass! Just like that, he shot it into me. When he shot off, his hands went wild at my pussy, and I started to come, too.
I finished coming after he did, and I was still jerking around when he had emptied all the juice he had for me. He was breathing hard, and for a moment, neither of us did anything. Then, he pulled his cock out of my ass, and got under the shower. He washed all the come off his cock, and now, it didn't look that big. I straightened up, finally, and washed the soap off my body.
I figured that the coach might run away after he finished with me, but instead, he took the soap and rubbed some over my sore ass. He pushed his finger up inside and I jumped.
"Take it easy, and bend over a bit. I want to wash out any soap in there. It might burn you if we don't get it out."
And, nice as anything, he gently slipped his finger in and out of my ass until there was no soap left there and I was squeaking from his fingering. Then he rubbed the soap over me and rinsed me off. I felt great when he shut the shower off. "Now, I nice toweling off, and you'll feel just great. No chance of getting a cold."
The coach used a big thick towel to rub me dry and I felt pretty good. I was a bit confused, but I didn't know what else to do except let him do it.
INTERVIEW TWO
Ali was calm in the next interview and she went on to tell me what ensued in her dealing with the coach. For an immature youngster, she showed remarkable control of her actions, and some very outstanding common sense. She continues below.
The coach acted as though nothing had happened, and he even drove me home. I was sore from what he did to me, but I couldn't dream of telling anyone. My friend, Angie, asked me if I was alright when I saw her later on, and I didn't know what to say. Anyway, how would she have known?
I decided not to say anything to anyone, especially my parents. I liked sports and if they suspected that any danger existed, they wouldn't let me play. Anyway, I suspected them. And, then, something else. Who would believe me?
Another thought popped into my mind as I went to school the next day. Would the coach even speak to me? How would he act towards me? Well, I didn't get a chance to find out until the next week. I saw a note in my locker and opened it up. It was from the coach.
"Meet me for special conference, my office, four-forty-five."
When I got there, the coach was writing something down in the files. He was very friendly.
"How are you doing, Ali? You look well. Very well, in fact."
The place was very quiet and I didn't know what he would do. I figured that I would play it very cool. I sat down on the chair beside his desk. The coach came over and then I knew what he was going to do. I could see the bulge in his pants.
"Ali, I really liked what we did the other day, last week. It was really great. How did you like it?"
"I, well, I didn't mind it too much. I just never did anything like that before."
"I want to do it again. What do you say?"
"In the shower, too?"
"No, we can do it right here, if you prefer."
"I would rather do it here. You see, I do think I'm coming down with a cold and I don't want to go home with damp hair."
The coach opened his drawer and picked up a little jar.
"This should make everything nice and smooth, better than the soap."
I went over to him and he touched my ass with his hands. Just the feeling of his hands on me, there, made me tingle. I have to admit, I expected something like this, and I was wearing only a pair of panties under my gym outfit. Coach Kelly put his hand under the elastic of the panties and fingered the smooth flesh of my ass. Then he rubbed his finger into the crack and finally went around to the front where he rubbed my clit. I was getting hot already, and put my hand on his pants. He seemed to like the fact that I did it myself, without being asked.
I could tell that he wasn't that big just yet. His cock was almost small enough to fit in my hand. As he worked his fingers over my ass, though, the cock started to grow in my hand. I decided to take it out, too. That should make a good impression on him. I unzipped his pants and pulled the hot thing out. It was already sticking up in the air. I rubbed it back and forth with both hands, and he rubbed me harder, too.
Then Coach Kelly pulled my panties off, altogether, and told me to bend over his desk. I was more comfortable in this position and I spread my legs as he opened the jar and started putting this jelly on my asshole. He spread it all around the outside, and that felt really good, but when he started shoving it all the way up with his finger, it hurt only a little. He used a lot of the stuff and I felt so slippery I relaxed. I figured that it couldn't hurt at all. I have to say that I almost wanted to feel his cock in my ass. I wiggled my fanny around on his finger and I knew that I was making him hot.
He couldn't take it anymore, and I poked my ass way up in the air, and he pulled his finger out. I knew that he would put his cock there, instead. I felt the tip of his cock up against my hole, and I just tried to relax completely. He put his hands on my hips and started to push. This time, the cock went into my ass without much trouble. It hurt a little when he first stretched me again, but once he was past the tight ring, it felt nice.
"You feel great, Ali. When your ass is relaxed this way, you're smooth as velvet."
I was happy that he liked me that way. I relaxed as much as I could, and when he was all the way in, he really felt good there. He was pushing in and out of me, and it didn't hurt at all. I guess that girl knew what she was doing. It felt nice. Of course, I was getting banged against the desk when the coach got going, but that didn't feel bad, either.
Now that I was comfortable with his cock in my ass, I wanted some action for myself. I wanted him to play with my pussy. I had been thinking of what it might feel like with a couple of fingers inside my pussy while he fucked my ass, and I decided to ask him about it.
"Could you put your fingers into my pussy while you're doing that? I've been thinking that it might be nice."
"Well, I'll put one finger in. You're a virgin, aren't you?"
"Yeah. But what has that got to do with it?"
"Well, I don't want to take your cherry with my fingers. I might get carried away at the last minute, and break your cherry if I use two fingers."
"Oh, I see. Well, then, let's try one finger. I just want to feel something in there, too."
Coach Kelly put his finger way up there, and rubbed it in and out fast. It felt nice. Just one finger felt big to me, what with his cock way up my ass. He moved it in and out of my pussy while he shoved his cock into my ass. The jelly made it feel very nice. This time, I moved back against the coach and made his cock go higher in me. The finger in my pussy made me feel different.
There was some playing around for a while, but then, neither of us wanted to wait any longer. I wanted to come, and so did the coach. He started shoving into me harder, and I knew that he was through fooling around.
"You want to shoot that up my ass again, don't you?"
"You little wench! I love being inside your ass! It's so small and tight around my cock!"
He humped it into me over and over again, and I could feel his balls banging into me while he did it. He used another finger in my pussy towards the end, and for a moment, I was scared that he would pop my cherry, just like he said he might. But I was hot for my come just then, and I have to say that I wasn't thinking too clearly. I wanted to feel that great feeling.
"Shove it into me, oh, do it! In both places!"
"Reach under and get your own clit, honey. I can't hold out much longer."
I did as he told me to and I started rubbing myself. Everything together felt so great that I started to feel myself come right away. I rubbed my finger hard against my clit and moved my hips to get both his fingers and all that cock up me. Then it happened. I started to cream over his fingers and he shoved them in far and I felt a sharp, but quick pain. But I was too busy to pay attention to it, and kept frigging myself.
The coach was wild now, and he shoved his cock up into my ass again and again, and as he felt me coming, my asshole squeezed him tight and he exploded into my asshole. I felt all the cream shooting into me and my mind went blank. He pushed at me and I came all over him. It was just great. He finished coming and then pulled out of my ass. He were both pretty exhausted, but we laughed and talked anyhow. He drove me home again, and I made arrangements to meet him again the day after that.
The next time that we met, we did it sitting on his lap. I wanted to have him fuck my pussy, too, but he wouldn't have any of it. He said that this was good, and that he liked being inside my ass, anyhow. That time, he made me bend over and he kissed every part of my ass, and he even stuck his tongue up there! I loved it, and so I settled for the cock up my ass.
I thought that he might have popped my cherry that second time, but when I got home, there wasn't any blood or anything, and so I figured that I still had it. This action was great. I was still a virgin, and yet I was getting some fun out of this. I love having him do it to me in the shower. I like to feel his soapy cock up my soapy asshole. I like the way he rubs his hands over my tits and my pussy. We do it in the shower a lot, now. But in a few weeks, the night games will start and we won't be able to do it anymore.
Coach Kelly and I are trying to figure out a schedule so that we could meet more often The team? Oh, no, that was just a rumor. But it was a nice one.
CONCLUSION
When I first became involved with this child, I thought that the trauma was deep and that was the reason she seemed to be hiding the truth, but, as you can see from the tapes, she was not at all traumatized.
In a subsequent session, and, incidentally, the last we had, Ali told me that she had no intention of telling anyone about the coach. They had a good time together and she liked it. The only thing she was a bit disturbed about was that she wanted to have her pussy taken as well.
The range of adaptation and the language this child learned in so short a time was astounding. She liked the sex she shared with the coach, and she did not want to spoil her relationship. This, I feel, is, instead of being an exception to adult intervention with the sex of a child, more normal.
Ali's parents have no idea what is going on. She likes her sexual relationship with the coach, and she does not see anything terrible about it. In her world, she is very content and there seems very unlikely that any damage has been done to this girl's emotional or sexual mechanism. I terminated the sessions when I decided that she was perfectly alright. Ali has promised to come back anytime she wants to talk about this. However, I do not expect her at all.
CASE HISTORY FIVE
Subject: Cathy C. Age: Seventeen
INTERVIEW ONE
I was very shocked to have this girl as one of my subjects. She came to me because she knew of me through one of my colleagues, for whom she worked. A very conscientious person, she continued working in the doctor's office until he could get a replacement for her. She felt that she owed that to the patients.
Her experience was one that I have heard many times, but, never in this situation. This type of seduction is usually done by someone that the victim does not know. When she came to me, it was for advice about her next step. She realized that such a scandal would ruin this man's career, and wished to know how to go about getting him help without doing this.
I say that I have never seen such control and maturity exhibited on an adult level, much less on the part of a teenager. The situation was complicated, further, when I learned that this man was a friend of her family.
I have carried this secret around with me for several weeks, now. I don't know if it will happen again, but I don't know just what to do. I hope that you can help me, doctor. I need some advice. I suppose that my mind is made up as far as the outcome of this experience, and I just need to sort things out.
I have worked for this man for about six months. He is a pediatrician, and I take over on Saturdays and late in the afternoons, two days a week. I liked the job very much. I like being around small children, and the money helps me get the things that I would like, but aren't really necessary for me to have. My parents are very generous with me and I don't need any basics.
I suppose this whole thing gets even worse when I tell you that this man has been a friend of my father for over twenty years. He knows all of us, and he took care of us as we grew up. I always thought that he was one of the greatest people that I ever knew. I think that I want to be a nurse because he is my idea of what the medical profession is all about. All that stands to be shattered, now. That is, unless I can handle the situation properly.
When I started working for Tim, I used to work overtime, and he and I just got to expect that I would work late and help him with papers and charts that his regular nurse didn't have time for or didn't want to do. Since I'm not a nurse, I only wear a uniform to look right for the office. I usually can get one that is very pretty. You can see the one that I have on at the moment.
Well, I tried to get the most attractive uniform that I could. That's the only part of being a nurse that I don't like. I hate the terrible uniforms and the silly hats. I wear pretty white shoes and plain colored stockings, and the cutest uniforms I can buy. I have another like this one, with the buttons down the front. It is a bit short, as my mother would say, but I feel good in it.
Well, until this thing happened, I wasn't aware that when I bent over, my backside would show. I wear bikini panties and try to wear pastel shades when I'm working, but I don't always remember or succeed in matching my underwear to the day. I noticed that once or twice, Tim would be looking when I bent over, but it never crossed my mind that it was that bad.
About four weeks ago, I stayed late one Thursday evening, after office hours, and we were going over some insurance papers. His regular nurse, Miss Kimmins, hates to do that and she tries to bury these papers whenever she can. Usually, she is successful until a patient calls and asks for the forms, and then the doctor gets angry with Miss Kimmins. I felt sorry for her and volunteered to do it. I think I can learn from doing this. After all, I'm not a nurse yet, and I'm willing to do a little extra.
We were going over the papers and I was filling in wherever the forms required the doctor to do it. We worked as a team. He would work with the patient's file and I would take down the information he dictated. In the middle of this, the phone rang, and since I was next to the desk, I had to reach across Tim to get the phone. I realized that I was up against him, and he pushed his chair back to allow me access to the phone. Actually, I was across him, and when the person wanted me to take a message about something, I had to reach for a pad and pencil. I would say that I was stretched over the doctor and his desk for about five minutes.
I hung up the phone and couldn't understand the strained look on his face. He seemed all red and disturbed. We went through two more forms and then he said that we would quit for the evening. He said that he couldn't take any more forms just then. I went over to him to collect the patient's files from him and, standing very close to him, I bent over to look at something in the file that I thought was incorrect.
"Doctor, this is wrong, isn't it?"
I pointed out the incorrect date of an office visit, and as I erased it and corrected it, I swore that something was touching me. It was light, but I thought that something was on my backside. I got a funny feeling in my fanny and chills up and down my back. But then, I straightened up and the feeling disappeared. I walked out of the office into the filing area and forgot about it. Just then, Doctor Tim came out.
"Cathy, do you have some time tonight? I mean, do you have a date or anything?"
"No, not on a school night. Why?"
"Well, you always seem so interested in learning so many new things that I thought we might have time to learn something tonight."
I was just thrilled. I wanted to learn more and more. Being in a doctor's office excited me, but actually knowing what to do with the instruments and everything else, really thrilled me.
"Oh, of course! I can stay as late as you want."
"Well, why don't you call in for a bite to eat, and then we'll go inside and start with some simple things. There are some things that you only learn by doing, so I hope you won't mind learning on me."
"Why should I, Doctor Tim?"
"Please, Cathy, just call me Tim. Only the kids that come in here call me "Doctor Tim"
Well, that just set me up higher. I was being considered a friend, or more than that, a colleagues. I dialed the nearby delicatessen for some sandwiches and called my folks to tell them that I would be later than usual and not to wait dinner. No one even asked why, really. While we waited for the sandwiches, Tim showed me how to take a blood pressure. He did it to me first, and then, he told me to do it to him.
Tim went on at length as to how to check the pulse, and we spent about twenty minutes taking each other's pulses. The blood pressure wasn't as easy as I figured and we went back to that after the sandwiches arrived.
During the light dinner, we talked about medicine and the possibility of becoming a doctor, instead of being just a nurse. I hadn't actually given that much thought, I suppose. My family is very traditional, and in that structure, a woman's place in medicine is as a nurse. I was delighted that Tim thought enough of me to want me to try being a doctor, instead.
"My girl, I think you have a natural talent for this kind of thing. I watch the way you watch me and the way your eyes light up when you see something that's new to you. You sort of remind me of myself in that respect. I was so eager to learn anything about medicine. Just because my father was a doctor didn't mean that I got a chance to learn everything from him."
"I didn't realize that your father was a doctor, too."
"Oh, yes. But, as a matter of fact, I had to learn from one of his friends. He was a nice person. Too bad, that shortly after I graduated from medical school, he died. I considered myself closer to him than to my father, really."
I was spellbound. I didn't interrupt once after that.
"Well, the point of all this nonsense, is that I think you have a talent, as well as an interest. I had to be fostered in my interest before I actually considered medicine seriously. I think that once you are exposed to medicine or see it in a different light, you will think seriously about it. How old are you, Cathy?"
"Seventeen. I'm a senior in high school. I haven't accepted any of the colleges that I applied for, but two of them are general and they have pre-med majors."
I was getting very excited about this even before I heard his story. I started imagining myself in medical school with Tim as my sponsor. I listened to everything he said with complete attention.
"Now, then, you caught on to that pulse thing with no problem at all. Let's try something else."
"But, Tim, what about the blood pressure readings. I don't think that I understand that very well."
"Well, then, just one or two more tries on that. That can be tricky."
Tim explained the theory behind it again, and then he made me try it again on him. I did a little better, but, somehow, I just couldn't get the knack of it. I don't mind telling you that I was a bit upset by that. Even nurses have to do that.
"Maybe I don't have the talent to become a doctor. I can't seem to get this down."
Tim was very nice to me. He tried to assure me that I would manage very well with more practice.
"Now, let's get on to some other things. I want you to try listening with the stethoscope.
Here, just try putting it into your ears and placing it on your own chest."
Tim helped me get the instrument into my ears and then he held it on my uniform front. I couldn't hear anything except some rustling a little bit like the sound of whisks on a drum that was almost deafening. He held the sensor to me steadily, but I couldn't get any heart beat.
"Do you hear that?"
"No. No, I don't hear anything."
"Oh, really? Well, don't be disappointed, my child. It has nothing to do with your ability. It is difficult for any doctor to hear through layers of fabric."
"Oh, is that why the doctor asks a patient to get undressed?"
"That's one of the reasons. You know, in order to get anything done, I'm afraid that you'll have to take your dress down in the front."
I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to just unbutton the uniform, but I figured that Tim had been my doctor since I was a little baby, and it wouldn't matter to him anyway. I hesitated for a moment, though, and he noticed that.
"Does all this embarrass you? We can stop right now, dear, if it does. This is what happens in medical school, and, I imagine, in nursing school."
Then I felt so silly, that I just undid the first five or so buttons. I wear a bra, but my breasts are firm, even if they are larger than most girls my age have. Sitting in that position, they bulged out of the top of my bra.
"Here now, let's try again. Place the ear pieces in your ears. That's fine. Now."
Tim guided the sensor plate to my left breast and immediately, I heard the thumping of my own heart. I was very excited about hearing that sound. I guess I felt like a doctor, already. I listened for a moment more, and then Tim took the sensor plate and moved it. The sound got weaker and I looked up to him to motion with my eyes that the signal was getting weaker. The look in his eyes was so very different than I had ever seen before. He was staring at my breasts, and wasn't even aware that I was looking at him.
I finally put my hand on his arm, and he broke his gaze. He motioned for me to take the ear pieces out of my ears.
"What is it?"
"When you moved that plate, the sound got weaker."
"Well, of course. I put the sensor plate on the thicker part of your breast. The sound has to vibrate through more tissue. Now, if you will allow me, I will show you how a doctor takes a woman's heart beat professionally."
Tim asked me to lie down on the examining table and I did that. The front of my dress was open and my breasts were pouring out of the top of the bra.
"Uh, Cathy, would you mind loosening the bra for a moment. You can hook it right back up when we're finished."
I did as I was asked. To do that, however, I had to unbutton the dress a bit more to get to the hooks. That bra had two hooks and I couldn't look at Tim when my bra loosened and my breasts went limp on top of my rib cage. I guess there was no reason to be embarrassed, but I did feel it, anyway.
I wasn't looking up at Tim when he started fooling with the stethoscope, but then he said it was time to put them back in my ears.
"You must pay attention to what I am doing and where I am placing the plate. That is the way any student of medicine learns."
I was all attention from that point on. I managed to forget that I wasn't wearing any top and tried to hold my head up to watch what he was doing.
"You must place the plate under the breast. Against the rib cage. In a woman, the breast acts as a barrier over the heart, and it is difficult to hear the sound accurately. I will do it this time, and the next time, you do it yourself."
Tim put his hand on my breast and lifted it. He was holding it in his hand for a longer time than I thought necessary, but then when I was getting uncomfortable, he placed the sensor underneath my breast and the sound of my heart beating resounded in my ears. Again, I got caught up in the activity, and the excitement of learning something new, and I didn't really notice what Tim was doing. Only after a few minutes did I feel him squeezing my breast. Each time my heart would beat, he would squeeze it in his hand. I guess that I only noticed it because once, he did it hard, and it pinched.
I looked up at him and there was that look in his eye. He was moving his finger towards my nipple when I moved. He suddenly stopped and smiled at me.
"How's that? Impressive, isn't it? You know, Cathy, I just thought of something. Have you ever had your breasts examined?"
Tim's face got very serious when he said this, and he really scared me for a minute.
"No, never, why?"
"It's just that a woman is a woman from the time she starts her menstrual cycle. Being seventeen is not like being ten anymore. Why don't you let me take a look?"
"But aren't you a pediatrician? Do you do this kind of thing?"
Then he got very righteous, and I was terribly embarrassed by what I had said.
"Are you asking me if I am competent in this area? I do happen to be a physician, young lady.?"
"Of course, you are, Tim. I'm terribly sorry that I said that. Really I am."
Suddenly, I was afraid that he wouldn't teach me any more and I didn't want that to happen. I was frantic to get on his good side again. After all, I had made that awful remark without any real provocation. I thought quickly, and the one thought that popped into my head was to take my dress off and my bra and let him examine my breasts. I felt that I would even insist.
"Tim, would you please examine my breasts. I don't want anything to be wrong and I am quite sincere about wanting you to do it."
"You don't have to say that to make me feel good, Cathy. I don't need ego-building from a seventeen year-old."
Tim's tone had gone cold and his face had changed, too. I figured there was only one way to show him I meant it. I took off my uniform completely and then my bra and lay back on the table.
"Please do it, Tim. I want you to." Somehow, though, when I did that, I found that his mood improved right away. He came over to the table and looked down at me.
"Well, alright. I don't want to be childish about this. I'm sure that you didn't mean to say what it sounded like."
I felt better, then, too, and lay, waiting for him to examine my breasts. Tim bent over me on the table and put his hand on my left breast, first. He dug his fingers into the soft flesh and rotated his finger tips, working clockwise around the outside of my breast. But, then he began to put pressure on my nipple. He picked it up, almost, between his two fingers and rubbed it in between them. I started to get chills from what he was doing.
I looked up at Tim's face, and then saw that he was looking at the nipple in his hand, and that funny look was back on his face. I didn't know if he knew what he was doing to me, but I was embarrassed to let him know. I mean, what was I supposed to say?
Tim, you're getting me excited, I feel funny ?
It's just not that simple. I had no reason to suspect that he even knew that he was doing this to me. So, instead, I just lay there trying to overcome my feelings. Then, thank heaven, Tim stopped rubbing my nipple and went to the other breast. He spent the same amount of time rotating his fingertips into the outer area of the breast and then, he headed straight for the nipple again. I didn't think that I could stand the sensations he was causing.
I started to wiggle a bit, I suppose, and immediately, Tim looked up and into my eyes.
"What's the matter, Cathy? Does that hurt you?"
I flushed right up to my hair. I could feel my cheeks burning.
"No, no, Tim. It doesn't hurt."
"Well, then, what's the matter? You're squirming around so."
I didn't know what to say. I really didn't.
"It's just that, well, when you do that to me, I.."
"When I do what to you?"
"Oh, when you take the...the...nip...nipple like that."
My face was burning and I didn't think I could finish what I was saying.
"What am I doing to your nipple, Cathy?"
"Oh, nothing, I guess. It's nothing at all, really, it isn't."
"Now, stop that. There has to be something wrong if you can't stay still when I rub you nipple. Is that it? When I rub the nipple?"
"Yes."
I didn't believe that voice was mine. I almost squeaked the answer out. I was relieved to admit that I couldn't handle what he was doing and that he was rubbing my nipple.
Is that a sign of something, Tim?"
"It certainly is. It's a sign that you're a perfectly healthy and normal woman."
"What do you mean? Does every woman feel this way when her breasts are examined?"
"It's right that a woman should get titillated and excited when a man touches her breasts, especially her nipples. A very erotic area, Cathy. It is definitely one of the erogenous zones for every woman. But, apparently, especially for you."
I felt a bit relieved, knowing that this reaction was normal, and for another few moments, I just let him continue kneading and rubbing my nipples. By now, he had both going at the same time. Finally, I couldn't stand the suspense any longer.
"Is everything alright? Can you find anything wrong, Tim?"
Tim looked straight at me.
"No, I can't find anything immediately and apparently wrong, but there is one thing that I would like to do. Before I spend any more time on this teaching that I want to do, I would like to examine you thoroughly. I have to make sure of something."
I picked myself up on the examining table and peered after him as he went to the other side of the office. He came back with a robe, the kind the older children wore when he gave them complete physicals.
"Why don't you put this on, and then I can have a look at you."
I didn't argue with him this time. I imagined that there was some specific disorder that he had to know about before he could teach me anything else. I undressed completely in the dressing room, and came back, a little chilly in my bare feet. I hopped back up on the examining table.
"I am pleased to see that you understand these things, Cathy. You are very intelligent. Now, lie back once more. Okay, open the gown near your waist. That's it. Now, just relax."
Tim went on to dig his fingers into my groin area, and then slipped back up to the higher part of my stomach. He was nodding to himself as he did this, and finally, I closed my eyes and let him examine whatever he needed to.
I couldn't help but open my eyes when he reached down to my pubic area, and matter-of-factly spread the lips of my pussy open.
"Now, relax. That's very important. You must relax."
Then, he actually started masturbating me. He rubbed his fingers over my clitoris over and over again. I could feel my back arch as the sensations got stronger and more pleasant. I didn't know what to do, so I just lay there, and every so often, my leg would twitch with the intensity of the pressure on my clit. Then, he started pushing one finger into my vagina.
"Now, again, just relax."
His tone was so professional, that I was ashamed of the thoughts and the feelings running throughout my body. He pushed his finger into my pussy deeper and deeper and I could feel his finger getting wetter and wetter. Between the rubbing of my clitoris and the frigging of my pussy, I was about to come. Thank heaven, though, he stopped just in time.
When I looked up, he was staring into my face, and he was smiling.
"That looks pretty good. Now, turn on your side, please."
I turned over and then he started with my pussy again, only this time, he put the finger right up there. It started to get me hot again, but then, he stuck a finger up into my anus. I jumped at the coolness of the lubricant, and when he moved it in and out very gently, I almost started to move myself on his fingers. I was getting so hot that I couldn't think. I just wanted to come.
Then I did start to squirm.
"Do you like this feeling? Cathy, do you like what I'm doing to you."
"Oh, yes, yes, I do! It feels so good!"
"Well, that's perfectly normal."
Then I felt him getting closer to me. I could feel his coat against my ass.
"Now, pull down on the table and pull your legs up, up to your chin. That's it. Get one leg higher than the other, though. That's just fine."
As I moved on the table, Tim kept his fingers in me and when I reached the bottom of the table, he pulled his fingers downward, directing me to hang my ass off the table just a bit. Then he pulled one finger out of me, it was my pussy, I think, and just kept his finger in my ass without moving it. Then he went back to pushing his finger in and out of my pussy. I have to say that I was very hot.
"Now, Cathy, I'll have to spread your anus a bit. Relax and it won't hurt at all. It will if you tense your muscles."
He pulled his finger out of my ass and then, I felt something pushing at me that seemed like a thick pole. I tried to relax, and then the pain started.
"Ow! Tim, that does hurt. I'll try to relax, but that hurts!"
"That's a good girl. Now. I'll just help with this hand."
He pulled his finger out of my pussy and braced my body by holding onto my hips. The pain only got worse, and I thought that I would die from it.
"Now, I know it might hurt a little, but you're only making it worse for yourself. As soon as it's in, it won't hurt anymore."
I forced myself to relax. I had never had a rectal exam, and I didn't know what to expect. I had only heard in hushed whispers that it was bad. I figured that this was what everyone meant.
Finally, the instrument in my anus got less painful and I felt it go all the way up. I swore it was knocking against my stomach, that's how big and long it felt! Now, I could feel Tim so close to me that his body was pressing against my ass cheeks. He put his finger back in my pussy and began to thrust it in and out. I started to forget about the big thing in my ass and enjoy the feelings further front.
Then I felt the instrument being pulled out, and I was grateful that it was over. But as it got to the end of the canal, just before my sphincter, it stopped and then, then I felt it rammed back into me. I screamed.
"Now, that doesn't hurt that much! Just take it easy. This will be over in just a few minutes."
Tim's voice sounded funny and I didn't like the pain in my anus. I was about to tell him that I wanted to postpone the examination, but when I tried to turn, I couldn't. He was holding me close to him, and only then did I realize how close. Before he could stop me, I reached back and down and put my hand on his cock, half out of my ass. Then I screamed again.
"Tim, what are you doing? What are you doing to me?"
"Now, Cathy, there's nothing to be upset about. This will be our little secret, okay? I have a condom on, and there's no danger of anything happening. You wouldn't even have known it if you didn't feel back here."
I started to pull myself away from him, but he was strong and he pulled me back to him. As I jerked my body, the pain in. my anus flared up. I shrieked.
"Ow! My ass. It hurts!"
"That's only because you're trying to get away. You're not moving properly. Now, I am going to come in that nice tight little ass. Just relax and we'll get it over with faster." Tim's voice had gotten colder and meaner. I realized that what he said, he meant. I didn't know what to do But Tim forced me down again, and began to shove his prick up into my ass again. This time, he worked harder on my clit and then my vagina. I lay there, not knowing what to do. My body had begun to send wonderful signals to me again.
As Tim felt me relax, he worked more smoothly in and out of my ass and the feelings in my body got better. I started to relax and the cock shoved up my ass wasn't that bad after all. I started to move on Tim's cock and his finger in my pussy. He had worked me up quite a bit before with his fingering and I still wanted to come.
"You see, Cathy? It can feel good, if you let it. In just a few minutes, I am going to explode in your ass, and you won't be a virgin there, anymore."
Tim's words were getting uneven and the tone of his voice was strained. I realized that he was going to come soon. I never had much to do with men, but some boys that I had been with, always got that way when they were ready to come. His breathing got faster and he started pumping into my ass faster, too. I felt the buildup of excitement in my body and I worked my ass over his cock, in spite of myself.
"That's it, Cathy. You see, you're beginning to like it. Just a little treatment and you'll love it. Go ahead, rub yourself over my cock."
I couldn't help myself after that. I was upset and all I wanted to do was to come. I could feel it building and then, Tim did it. He started to frig me faster and I was jumping all over the table. Tim drove his cock home into my ass and then, we both came at the same time. I jumped and jerked over the table and I thought that I might fall off.
"Oh, oh, I can't help it! I'm coming!"
"Do it, do it, Cathy. I'm shooting into your sweet little ass!"
Tim held me onto the table, partly, I guess because he would have lost contact with me if I actually did fall off. He held me to him and shoved that cock into my ass until he had emptied his come into me. I could only feel the heat at the tip of his cock. The condom prevented me from feeling the hot stuff shoot all over inside me.
I wet Tim's hand with my own juices and then, finally, I slowed down and both of us stopped. We were both exhausted and I just slumped on the table. Tim pulled his cock out of my ass slowly, and there was very little discomfort at all. He left the room for a few minutes and when he came back, he had his suit jacket on.
I didn't know what to say or how to react to him. I was angry with him for tricking me and using me. I wanted to hit him or hurt him. but I just didn't know the words. He finally came over to me and when he put his hand on my shoulder, I shook it off.
"Now, look, Cathy, I may have tricked you into this, but you enjoyed it. As a matter of fact, I didn't plan this, you know. It's just that, with your clothes off, I couldn't help myself. I got aroused and wanted you."
I knew that he was lying, but he was effective in putting the blame, at least partly, on me, too. I got dressed and took the bus home. I didn't want him to drive me. I had to think. Actually, the bus was a poor choice. During the bumping, I was sore from the fucking he had given me. I haven't said anything to anybody about this.
I told him, the next time I was in the office that I didn't think that I could work there anymore, and that I would wait until he got a replacement. I still like children, and I feel some obligation to them, not to leave them in the lurch.
But, there is another matter. I don't know if this terrible thing that he did to me affects his ability to perform as a doctor. I don't think he will do it to the younger children, because there is always a nurse with them, or their mothers. I could destroy his career, and then, too, his friendship with my family. I don't know what to do.
I can't deny that I felt pleasure from this act, but I don't want anyone to know about it. I don't want my parents to find out about it. If this became public knowledge, they would know. I'm afraid that they would think that I was partly responsible. Maybe I was.
CONCLUSION
I could see easily that Cathy had been hurt by this event more in relation to what her parents would think than what had happened to her. It was clear that she did not consider herself to be permanently maimed or stamped in some way. She accepted the experience and handled it in a very mature way. She realized the dire consequences for this doctor if she made this charge against him.
The other factor in stopping her from doing this, however, cannot be overlooked. She was, in essence, afraid of being rejected by her parents. She was afraid to lose their love and respect. It was much easier to her to deal with the situation since only she knew of it. Had her parents been involved in this from the very beginning, she would have reacted very differently, and even though she is a strong and intelligent girl, I believe it would have been detrimental to her adjustment.
It was finally decided to go through other channels concerning the doctor and I agreed to try to help in whatever way I could. I do not feel capable of handling this, since I know the man personally. My own actions would not be objective to the point that would be required.
Cathy came to see me only once again, and by that time, she had gotten another job as a part time nurse for an ear, nose and throat specialist. She feels there will be less worry in this field. I have every confidence that she will succeed in her lifetime.
CASE HISTORY SIX
Subject: Lila S. Age: Fifteen
INTERVIEW ONE
This young lady came to me on recommendation of the vice squad. This child is now in custody of her aunt, but no one has any idea if this woman is actually related to the girl. There is no other word for this girl except bewitching. At fifteen, she holds a lifetime in her eyes. It is easy to see that she knows more now than some women will ever know.
Lila did not want to speak to me. I must admit that I had to level with her and tell her that if I could not make any progress with her case, she would be remanded to a juvenile home. This seemed to frighten Lila and she agreed to talk. Some of the earlier tapes, however, I have discarded. I became aware that Lila was making up stories to keep me happy. It was not until the sixth session with her that we started to get through. The transcription below records that session.
You keep insisting that many things have happened to me, doctor. Well, you are very right. You see, with my background and my looks, it is not easy to keep out of the way of a man. I was first taken by my father's uncle. Oh, not rape. I consented to it, because it was necessary for the initiation.
You seem a little confused. Let me explain. I am a member of a cult that worships the demon spirit of the world. To become a witch, you must go through some initiation rites. During that rite, I had to have relations with a male member of the family. Or one of those who was initiating me. My father's uncle was there that night, and he brought me into the circle of witches.
Since you are so interested in ages, I will tell you the truth about my age. I'll estimate to you that I must have been twelve. I was always lovely to look at, but I have looked like a woman for that long. My breasts were filling out and my hips curved. I was no longer a child. I enjoy my religion and I live by it. I learned all the rites and I can officiate at a coven now. But I seldom do.
Anyway, to continue. There were some changes in the family plans and they decided to move across the country. There was to be some great meeting in a year's time and they wanted to prepare. I was left here to finish school, and to learn from Saba. She is my aunt with whom I live. She is very good and wise. But Saba has some strange ways.
I did not engage in sex other than the rituals at the covens, and they are not as often as one might think. When I was thirteen, Saba told me that she was going away for a few days and that I would spend the time with a friend of hers. I could take care of myself and I did not understand why she insisted that I stay with someone. I was to find out.
The friend turned out to be a man. He was somewhere in his fifties, I would guess. He was not very attractive, and I did not like him when I met him. But he did nothing to me that I could object to and I stayed there. Then one evening, after I had been there two days, he came into the room that I was staying in.
He was wearing a bathrobe and came directly over to the bed where I was. I could see that he had no clothes underneath. But his body was more attractive than his face. The flesh was still firm and his hands were soft. I was in the bed, and of course, I sleep with no clothes on. I was taught that one wears clothes only when one must.
His name was Tenny. He sat on the bed and opened the bathrobe. I could see that his cock was half hard. He pulled my hand over to it and told me to stroke it. I had been with men his age before, so I was not alarmed. I put my hand on the cock and it started to grow. I could not believe the hardness and the size that it grew to. I rubbed it faster and harder of my own will. I wanted to see it grow even bigger.
Then Tenny put his hand under the covers and fingered my pussy. He drove his finger right into the hole. I shivered because it felt good. I kept rubbing him and finally he could not stand what I was doing to him.
"I am going to initiate you into a new rite. One of my own. You must be put through this. Turn over."
I turned over, and Tenny pulled the covers completely off the bed. He sat close to me on the bed and I saw his bathrobe fall on the floor. Then he began to finger my asshole. I had never been touched there before, and I considered it uncomfortable. But I lay there. He put something on me that was cold and greasy and then he pushed his finger all the way up in there. I squirmed because it hurt a little.
"You are very tight. That will have to be taken care of first."
Tenny left the room for a moment, and returned with a box. He set the box on the table next to the bed and opened it. When I turned to look, I could see several different objects. They looked like cocks and were different sizes. But they all looked very big to me. Tenny pulled a small drawer open in the bottom of the box and there were slimmer objects there.
He made me turn over flat on my stomach and then he put a pillow under my hips. Then he took one of the slimmer objects and inserted it in my ass. It didn't hurt that much, but it felt strange.
"How does that feel, Lila?"
"It does not hurt, if that is what you mean, Tenny."
I could not get myself to like this man. I imagine that he sensed the dislike. He pulled the object from my anus and then inserted a larger one. That hurt a bit when it first went in, but not that badly. Without asking me about it, Tenny pulled it out roughly and began to look through the larger ones in the top of the box.
I turned to look and saw that he was greasing a very large dildo. It seemed almost as large as his own cock. I got scared.
"What will you do with that?"
"What must he done. Now, lie still."
This time, Tenny spread my ass cheeks apart and put some more jelly on the outside of my anus. With short strokes with his finger, he frigged my ass a bit, and I began to feel a glow in front. But that was not to last. He removed his finger and began to insert the dildo. I felt the head of it up against me and as it started to go into me, I felt the pain. I tried to move away, but Tenny held me down.
"Now, just lie still and it will hurt less. This must be done!"
I jerked my body anyway, and tried to get away from the pain, but there was no escape. Tenny was strong and he firmly pushed the dildo against my ass and the head slipped past the tight outer ring. I guess that I screamed then. I jerked my body and felt the pain get sharper. Now, Tenny came over to the side of me where he could get a better grasp on me.
He held my hips and drove the thing into me with one hand. As it went in further, I felt more pain. I tried to claw at Tenny, but it was no use. He held me firmly.
"There really is no use in your trying to get away. This is a rite that must be performed before you can go into the deeper secrets of our religion. Now, hold still before you make me angry."
When he said that, I felt trapped. I did not want this pain, but if it was a step into my beliefs, I had to stand the pain. I stopped struggling, and just bit my hand when the pain was bad. The surprising thing, however, was that, as I began to accept this as necessary, the pain became less and less.
Tenny was moving the dildo in and out of my ass and each time my body tightened up at all, he moved it in quicker and deeper. He was forcing my body to accept the object. I lay there, completely taken with this monster stuck up inside my anus.
"Okay. This is alright for a start. I will try the one I need to use before the rite can be accomplished and see how you can take that."
He took his hands off me for a moment, and I thought that I should get up. The crazy thought that this was wrong flashed through my mind, but he was back and his weight was upon me again. He had left the dildo in place, shoved all the way in when he left the bed. Now he pulled at it slowly until it was out of me.
My anus felt so stretched that my body felt empty when he took it from me. I was not to be that way for long, though. As soon as the one dildo was out of me, he began to put another in its place. But this one was much larger than the one before it. He pushed the greased dildo against the tightening muscle and this time, it went in more easily.
But that was only in the beginning. The width of the monster was such that it spread me wider than before and the pain was there again. Almost as if to torture me, Tenny pulled out a bit and then pushed it in again. This time, though, he had taken his position of strength on my side and thrust it in. I screamed.
"No, no, stop!"
"I cannot stop! This must be. Silence!"
Then he pushed it all the way in and I thought that I would be split apart. The huge thing tore at my insides and as he pulled it out for another thrust, I thought that I might faint. But as before, once he had it in there for a while, I began to take it better and better. The pain was not that bad, and then, some other sensations returned to the area besides pain.
"I can feel your body learning to accept this. That is good. Now, just a few more times before the ritual can begin."
Tenny shoved the dildo into me again and again and then, finally with a sudden thrust, he pushed it all the way in and yanked it out of me. Again, my body felt empty and almost incomplete without the huge thing impaling me. Tenny went away from the bed for another moment, and then, when he came back, he had his ceremonial robes on. They were flowing and black and they were split up the middle.
Even as he approached me, Tenny was chanting something. I could not understand what he said, though. He was speaking very low and then would burst into a high pitched group of words that I only half recognized. I contented myself with the belief that this was a ritual I did not know, and for this very reason, that I had not been initiated.
As he came near me, I could see that Tenny's cock was sticking out through the robe. I expected another, symbolic dildo up in me, but no. Tenny approached me and told me to look ahead of me while he performed the rites. Again, I felt the grease being smeared over the outer area of my anus and then, nothing. There was only the chanting. Tenny kept up the incantations and then I felt his weight on the bed, as he climbed behind me.
Before I could realize what he was doing, Tenny pulled me up onto my knees and pushed his cock against my ass. He spread my knees wide and at the same time leaned into me. The head felt bigger than those that had been in me before, and I still felt some pain.
"And, now, O Great One, I give this new one to you!"
With that, Tenny forced his cock into my ass and kept pushing until he was all the way in. I wasn't ready for the huge prick that he was stuffing up into me. It still hurt. His cock was longer than any of the dildos he had used on me. But, thinking that it was a sacred rite, I tried not to say anything.
When Tenny shoved the entire length of his cock into me, he stopped for a moment and said some more words. I still wasn't sure what he was saying. With a great moan, he pulled all the way out of my ass and then, without pause, he pushed it into the anus again. He did this three times, and by now, my ass was getting rather sore. His cock was as hard as a rock and he thrust it in with such power that I had trouble keeping my balance.
This last time, though, Tenny did not pull all the way out, and he just started to fuck my ass. He pushed in and pulled out with even strokes and I was able to get hold of myself. I put my hands firmly on the bed in front of me and held my ground while he shoved that monster cock into my ass. He had stopped chanting and I hoped that it would be over soon.
Well, I was right about one thing. It was almost over for a while. He was getting very close to coming. He began to stroke my ass more vigorously and then he broke his rhythm and pounded his huge cock into me. The hole was irritated and this beating wasn't making it any better.
Then, though, it was all over. Tenny yelled and shot his come up into my ass. He pumped his body against mine, impaling me on that monster again and again, until all his sac was empty. The scum was dripping out of my ass even before he pulled his cock from me. My legs were wet and his body was full Of it, too.
Tenny roughly pulled his cock from me, and the discomfort ceased. I felt terribly empty and the scum was drying on me. It was cold. All I wanted to do was to sleep and let my body heal itself. I fell onto the bed and managed to pull the covers over myself. I don't know what happened to Tenny that night.
The next day, I overheard Tenny on the phone. Something in the air told me to listen, and I was glad that I did. He was telling someone how he had "initiated" another one. Then he laughed and said that it always worked with the young ones in the religion. They were eager to learn any rite and thought of any sexual act in the name of a ritual was sacred. He went on to say that it was a shame there was no such rite. He would like to be the official initiator.
I managed to get out of the house before the next evening, and getting to my home, I began to plan my first incantation for revenge.
INTERVIEW TWO
I found it hard to believe what Lila told me, I must admit. If, however, such was true, she seemed to have been forced into many acts that are strange. She continued with the following tape in the next session. It was hard for me to believe that this was a fifteen -year-old girl in front of me.
I do not know where my family is, anymore. I heard that my father had to leave the country and my mother is dedicated to forming the coven she always wanted for herself. They have left me with Saba for good, I suppose. I do not choose to stay with her forever. But, she is better than the juvenile home. Saba lets me take care of myself.
I got involved with the vice squad in a strange way. I found that I could bewitch men. I never had to actually fuck for them. I would pick up men, and take them to a hotel room.
They would immediately try to grab me. But, instead, I would talk to them and hypnotize them. I would talk to them and then tell them that they would fall asleep and think that they had had intercourse with me.
You see, the fun of this, is that, I can make a man believe that he has had any kind of pleasure with me that he wants. I talk to them before and find out what they like. Then I put them to sleep, take the money from them and awaken them with some signal after I am outside and safely away.
The only way the police got involved was that two men got hold of me at one point. I tried to do it with them both at the same time, and it didn't work. They began to force me and I screamed loud enough to attract the police. The two guys told the police that I was a pro and that's how I got to you.
Ever since I had that incident with Tenny, though, I have learned to appreciate the use of all my charms. One day, before I thought up this scheme for "fucking" men, I wanted something I saw in a shop. But I didn't have the money to pay for it. I decided to steal for it. I was clumsy and the man in the shop caught me easily. I did not know what to do. He threatened to call the police and I started to moan. Sometimes, I do that before an incantation.
Well, this old guy, well he looked old, anyway, told me to stop and he would think about what to do. He said that he couldn't let me get away with it. He said that if I came in the back of the shop, he would make me do some chores for him, and maybe, he. would give me the object that I had stolen. Like a lamb, I went with him.
When we got there, he closed the door and said that he had decided on a spanking, instead. He put me over his knee and began to paddle me lightly, but he was feeling me more than anything. I don't know if he believed my age, for I did appear to be older, as I have said. He told me told me to take my pants down and that when he was finished paddling me, he would give me the statue that I had wanted.
When I bent over, bare-bottomed, though, he didn't paddle me. He pulled out his cock rubbed it a bit against my ass crack and then plunged it into my ass. I knew from my experience with Tenny that if I relaxed, and didn't fight it, it wouldn't be that bad. I tried, but it still hurt somewhat.
The beast buried his cock in me and thumped his fat body against mine. He held my hips so that I could not move and then put his finger into my pussy and rubbed it wildly. I began to get some good feelings from that, and while he shot his come into my ass, I made it, too. He was panting as he pumped that scum into me and my bowels burned with the searing liquid.
In my heart, I cursed him and let him finish with me. When he pulled out of my asshole, I was wet with his juice and my own. But he did let' me have the statue. I spent every night after that writing a curse for him. But I needed more power for that, and when I actually got to a coven, the hate in me had died and other things were more important.
I have been violated and I have not forgotten that. I think that sex is good, though, and I try to seek a lover often to keep my mind and my powers renewed. Did you know that sex invigorates one's spirit?
CONCLUSION
Never in my life had I come across a situation such as this. This is one person I truly believe has been lost to a normal life. It is difficult to lay the blame only on the sexual abuse this child has experienced. Her family-background and early experiences are far from the norm.
It may well be, though, that the tenacity this girl has for life will hold her together and see her through a more than difficult adolescent period into maturity. She may be wise in the terrible ways, but that is no substitute for maturity and happiness. It will take years of therapy to help this one girl. Perhaps love may come along to help her get a jump on the stability she needs.
CASE HISTORY SEVEN
Subject: Ella Age: Sixteen
Bobbi is a bright and happy young girl. She is one of the more immature girls that I have worked with and her attitudes and sometimes her conversation belies her sixteen years. At this point in her life, she is very taken with the theater and manages to be around the different stage companies as much as possible. Her parents are not in favor of this for her and this has caused many battles between them.
It was Bobbi's parents that brought her to my office after they discovered the nasty experience she had undergone. In her distress, she had confessed the incident to them. They were very upset about it.
Bobbi is a pretty girl. Her long dark hair and brown, eyes are attractive and she does take every precaution to bring out every good point. Even though she is immature in her personality development, her care for her appearance and her body, too, are a bit beyond her years.
Bobbi was happy to tell me of her problem and her experiences. None of the tapes have been edited and they represent her actual experiences.
Ever since I saw that great film about the South, I've wanted to be an actress. But, in all the books that I've read, they say that the best experiences are in the theater first. Anyway, since I live here, getting into films would be difficult. When I'm old enough, I'll be able to go there on my own.
To tell you the truth, I don't know what my parents have told you about me, but I'm positive that they told you how terrible they think the theater is. They think it's bad and everyone in the field is bad. No matter who I throw before them, they insist that it's just no good. They just won't listen. I don't really know why I ever told them about what happened that night. I should have known that they wouldn't understand.
Anyway, I got involved with this local group, and they do all kinds of weird stuff. Not the stupid musicals, and all that. I mean, anyone can sing and dance. But acting is something else. Doing a monologue and playing a spirit is real acting. That's where it's at! Well, right from the beginning, my parents didn't like the group, but since it was very close by, they couldn't find any objection to my being involved with it.
I started with them about six months ago, and I spend all my free time there. I go there after school and hang around, just listening to the director and the others. There's nothing for me at school. Just some dumb girls in the glee club and those frigging musicals I can learn just from being there. Roger says that I can get experience from just letting the atmosphere come through the pores of my skin and into my mind! He's so smart. Roger is the director.
A couple of times, after the shows, there would be cast parties. Well, there was going to go to it after the first show that I was in. I mean, I wasn't on the stage, but I helped with the costumes, and the props, and that's a real part of the theater. I didn't tell my parents about the party. I knew that they wouldn't want me to go. So I didn't tell them.
The play was an absolute success. There is a select group of people who appreciate our kind of theater, and they were there. But, then, just before the curtain came down, we got the word that there was a talent scout in the audience. Well, everyone just went wild!
A lot of the cast was cursing, saying that if they had known that before the show, they could have -done better. Others said that they were glad they didn't know about it because they would have been too nervous to go on. Once I heard this, you can imagine how much I wanted to go to the cast party. Even though I wasn't on the stage, I was part of the cast.
By the time the play had ended, word came back that the talent scout had been invited to the party and wanted to meet some people there. No one could wait for the party. Some of the people kept their makeup on, just to look better when they met the scout.
Fortunately, the party was being held right there in the theater, only in the basement of the small building. No one but the cast, the crew and invited guests could get in. It was really a very select group of people. The basement of this building is funny, though. It has a couple of rooms that are cut off from the main space by a wall. It's a sturdy old building and it's almost soundproof. I figured that we could have the party and no one would hear the records and stuff that they would be playing.
When I got downstairs to the party area, only a few people were there. Roger is very picky about his players and the props. I help wherever I can, though, since I want to be on Roger's good side. You see, I don't have any experience and I have to rely on some break to get me on the stage. Some of the pros from the group told me this about a week after I joined them.
One of the chicks was there and she was wearing a wild outfit that I could almost see through. I didn't realize that the party was going to be that dressy. But, then, I guess I would have had to sneak some clothes out of the house. My parents aren't that bright, but they would catch on that I don't wear dressy clothes backstage. I felt so plain in my minidress. I was wearing boots to match the dress and until that time, I felt dressed up.
There wasn't anything set up, though, and I started to wonder where the records and the food would be. I was getting hungry, and I could have gone for some food just then. As I waited there, though, more and more of the cast showed up and they weren't all that dressed up. I started to feel more comfortable, and it was only when some strangers came through the upstairs door that I got nervous.
They had to be the talent scouts.
I was kind of surprised that they were so young. I figured that they had to be old, for sure. But, there were these guys, about twenty-five, I guess, with the long hair and all. But, they had nice clothes on. Expensive clothes. They went over to Roger who was by the door to the other rooms. They talked for a minute or two and then went back there together. By now, the conversation was getting kind of loud, though, and no one really noticed when they came back in. They had these skinny cigarettes in their mouths and I could smell the stuff from where I was sitting.
When some of the others went into the other rooms, I could see the smoke coming out through the door. They were smoking pot. Then I heard laughing and everything. I never smoked it before, but I couldn't let anyone know that. Terry, one of the cast, asked me if I wanted to smoke some.
"Sure. Why not?"
"It's real good stuff. Might be stronger than you're used to, Bobbi. Want to take a chance?"
Well, how could I say no? Anyway, the talent scout and his group of people were going back into the other rooms and I wanted to get a chance to talk to him. I had to figure out a way that he would see me and notice that I was better and had talent.
When we got there, though, I was kind of scared by what I saw. There was one couple on the floor and they were doing it. I mean, just them doing it wasn't bad, but they were at it in front of everybody. A group had formed around them and one of the guys was about to take his pecker out and jack himself off.
"Some party, doll! Have a joint and get going!"
It was Roger and he winked at me. I could only think that I had to get that man with him to notice me. I went with Terry, and he gave me a joint. I don't smoke very much with regular cigarettes, and I had some trouble getting the first smoke down. I started to cough and couldn't stop. I was very embarrassed. Just when I coughed, the party got silent and just everybody was staring at me.
Well, I kept coughing and then, even the talent scout was looking at me. He said something to Roger and Roger came over to me.
"There's someone over there, very interested to talk to you."
I was having trouble getting my breath, and just nodded. Roger whispered to me.
"He's the talent scout. If he likes you, it makes all the difference. Don't do anything to turn him off!"
I wasn't quite sure what Roger meant, but I figured that I better do what he wanted me to. I walked over with Roger and he introduced me.
"Bobbi, this is Chet Golden. He's with a film company."
"Hello. You seem to be having a bit of trouble with that good grass that I brought to the party. You're new at it, aren't you?"
I wanted to lie. I wanted to say that I smoke it everyday. He had brought it! I had to please him. But, somehow, I just couldn't get the words out. I guess my silence condemned me.
"Well, that's nothing to be upset about. We'll have to take special care to see that you learn the right way. Knowing how to smoke can make a difference."
I didn't know what he meant by that, but I just nodded again. I wanted to hit myself for being so tensed. So, then, he took me to one corner of the room, away from the couple that was fucking, and we sat down. My dress seemed shorter than ever as it rode up on my thighs. Being this close to the man, I could see that he was older than twenty-five. He was probably about forty.
"Now, Bobbi, hold the cigarette to your lips, drag on it, and hold the smoke down in your lungs."
I tried it and as soon as the smoke hit my lungs, I started to choke. I just couldn't do it. I wanted to cry. I was sure that he wouldn't like me for that. But, instead of laughing or anything like that, Chet smiled and rubbed my shoulders.
"Hey, kitten, take it easy. Don't rush things. If it's too much for you now, let's rest a bit. Just being here will get you used to this."
I was glad not to have to puff on that cigarette anymore just then. I was beginning to think that I would get sick. I was still wishing for some food, but there wasn't anything around. There was only whiskey. I didn't want that, either, but if someone, especially, Chet, offered me some, I knew that I would have to take it.
Before long, someone came over with some glasses and Chet took two. He handed one to me.
"Now, this is excellent whiskey. Sip it slowly, very slowly."
I was glad that I could do it slowly. Even the first trickle burned my throat, but I managed to get it down without coughing or anything. Chet started talking about the company he represented. He said that they were always looking for a new face, new talent.
"How long have you been with this group?"
"This is my first show."
"Wow! A real newcomer! That's great. I hope you decide to stay."
I was so surprised to hear that, that I just stared at Chet. The little whiskey that I was getting down, with the pot-saturated air in the room was making my head swim.
"Have you ever done a reading?"
"Sure."
It was true. I had to do one to get into the group. It wasn't very long, though, and I was scared that Chet might ask me to do it then.
"There's a new picture being set up. I think there's a good part in it for you. Well, of course, that depends on whether you can act and take direction."
I couldn't believe my ears.
"Of course I can take direction and act."
"You know, I think that we'll just try that out. I want you to do a scene for me. The girl is a slave on a plantation, she lives there."
"Right now, here?"
"Sure. Don't you know that an actress has to do her thing in front of an audience. She has to be ready at anytime. I guess that you haven't had much experience in improvisation."
I could have kicked myself. I had never taken a lesson in my life! And now he knew it!
"Oh, of course. I guess that I just forgot about that."
"Well, if you don't want to do it, forget. There are plenty of girls who could act the part."
"Oh, no, Chet! Please let me audition! Please!"
"Well, you have to do it here and now. I can't do this at your convenience."
I listened as Chet explained the scene. I was to be captured and on a farm. I wouldn't be able to get away, and the only hope I had, was of pleasing the man who captured me.
"There should be a rape scene. This is probably the most difficult scene in the picture, but I have to have someone who can do it. It should tell me whether or not you can act and take direction."
I sat there trying to listen to all the directives he was giving me. There would be some men holding me down for my captor and he would rape me. He said that we would need some extras and someone to play the bad captain. He called Roger over and explained that he wanted to test me in a part and did he think it better to go to one of the other rooms?
"Oh, for the big scene in the film? Yes, maybe you better use the smaller room. Better acoustics."
Then he winked at Roger and they went off together to get the rest of the cast we would need. They told me to go into the smaller room at the end of the hall and wait for them. I felt a little fuzzy yet, but I managed to get there. All I could think of was getting that part. I promised myself that I wouldn't do anything to make him angry again, and that I would do everything he said.
Roger and Chet came into the room with two other men. Chet sat down and started directing the scene.
"Now, you two over there. Bobbi, you're on your knees, and they have both your arms. There is no escape. They are stronger than you. You're scared. You're terrified. You want to get out, but the only escape is to win this man's better nature. He wants to rape you. You don't know that yet, though. You don't know that he wants to shove his cock way up into you, and he plans to do it in a different way."
The two other guys held my hands, and I got on my knees.
"Now, kids, let's have some reality in this scene. I want to see real fear and real lust. Remember, Bobbi, this is real for you. Don't get worried if these men seem to be too much into the part. I think it's the only way. I want real acting. Now, warning, Action!"
The man playing one of the guards twisted my arm so that I was way down on the floor and my bottom was sticking up in the air.
"She's a pretty wench! I bet the captain will take her! What do you say, mate?"
"No doubt about it. That's the one thing I like about this duty. We get to watch the fun. And, then, maybe, he'll let us have some fun with her!"
They laughed in sailor fashion and wrenched me further onto the floor. I was gasping and the noises I was making were real. I wanted to play the part.
"Oh, please let me go. Before the master comes! I'll do anything that you ask of me!" "Anything?"
"Anything!"
I was very much into it now, and I felt good about the part. I knew that it was right for me. I went right with them. One of the men stepped in front of me and started to open his pants.
"Why don't you get a little sucking in before the captain comes along. Then I won't hold you so tightly. Maybe you'll be able to escape."
I was scared. He brought out his cock, and there it was staring me in the face. He pushed it right up against my lips and I didn't know what to do. then I heard Chet coaching from the side.
"No, no, let me show you how to do it. Here, watch me."
Chet took the man's place in front of me and whipped out his cock. It was hard and stuck right against my lips. He pushed it into my mouth and opened my jaws with his fingers.
"Now, you wench! Suck! Suck to save your life!"
I couldn't do anything else with that big thing stuck in my throat. I flet as though I was going to choke. In trying to get some air, I licked and sucked around the giant cock in my mouth. Chet started to shove it further into my mouth and then, he pulled it out.
"That's the kind of acting I want! Now, let's get to the part about the captain coming in. Roger, you....oh, never mind, I'll do this myself. I'm the captain."
The men held me down again, and my ass was sticking up in the air. I was kind of dazed from what had just happened, but he had stopped and he said that the acting was going to be real. And I did want to get that part.
"Is this the little bitch that we've captured? Hah, no more than a mere child! What good is she?"
"Captain, she's good for your pleasure, sir.
You know how you like the young ones. Shall we hold her down?"
It was then that one of the men holding me started to pull my dress up and pull my pantyhose down. Before I knew it, he had my panties down, too. I started to protest, but they wouldn't let me up. Then I felt a cock against my buttocks. It was then that I got scared.
"Hey, this is only a scene. What are you going to do?"
But no one would answer me. They kept talking with those funny accents and then Roger came over and helped them get my panties all the way down. They pulled my legs apart at the knees and ripped the stockings. Then, I felt a finger go into my anus.
"Ow! Hey, stop this! It's no joke. I don't want this! Take the part! I want to go home!"
But it was no use. They wouldn't stop and soon, I could feel two pairs of hands on my ass. One was spreading it apart and then the finger would go deep into it. It hurt when they did that. Then, before I knew it, someone had his finger in my pussy. He rubbed it in and out real fast and I started to get juicy there. It felt nice when they rubbed me like that. I liked it. I started to hope that they would masturbate me and let me go.
"I will not kneel to my captive! Stand her up and bend her over!"
I was grabbed up and made to bend all the way over, my legs still far apart. Then the fingers got bolder and someone started to frigg my asshole, and hard, too. I recognized Roger's voice.
"She is ready to take your sword, captain." Then a cock went right up behind me and stabbed into my pussy. I felt the stab of pain. "Oh, my cherry!"
The big cock spread my virgin pussy wide open and he pumped in and out of the hole he had just taken. The juice was pouring over him and over me, too. But, very soon, he stopped that. He pulled his cock out of my pussy, and still dripping, he began to poke it at my asshole. He wouldn't stop, no matter what I said.
Then, just as I started to cry, I felt someone open my ass cheeks as wide as they would go. The cock poking at me, rammed against the tight hole and I screamed as the cock penetrated my second virginity. I had just lost two cherries. I couldn't believe the pain that was shooting through my ass, but there was no way to get them to stop. The huge cock pushed into my asshole and Chet didn't stop until he banged his balls up against me. I couldn't stay still. It hurt that much!
After that, Chet just fucked me with his hard cock. He pushed it as far in as it would go and then pulled it out almost all the way. He kept pumping at my hole, and there was nothing that I could do. My poor ass!
"Sir, I think that I know how to put some life in this lass!"
Then, I felt a sharp slap on my rear. I jumped and tightened my anus as I did. I felt the shock of pain of my stretched hole tightened over the huge cock poked into it. I heard Chet moan.
"Oh, that's just great. Hit her again!"
Someone hit me again, and I started to squirm all around. Chet couldn't take that and he started shoving that pecker into me with such power that he popped in a minute.
The come shot into my stretched ass with great force and I felt burned by the hot stuff. As he pumped back into me, some of it came out of my ass and dripped down my legs. Each time he fired into me, I got wetter and wetter.
"What a sweet little asshole! Roger, you have to try it!"
I started to cry as I heard those words, and one of the men started to rub my pussy with his fingers. That made me feel good, and I didn't fight it as I felt another stiff prick push at my ass. I was very slippery from the come all over me and the cock wasn't as big as the one before it. This fuck wasn't that bad at all.
"Chet, you're so right! Her asshole is just divine!"
The man on the side of me kept rubbing my pussy, and then he shoved two fingers up into the wet vagina. The second man took over rubbing my clitoris and I was feeling just great. I was twisting around and humping my pussy on the fingers. I liked the feeling they were giving me.
"Oh, rub me, frig me! It feels good. You can take my ass if you make me come!"
"She's a real wildcat! We have to have her more often!"
Roger sawed into me and in another minute he started to pump faster and faster. He was breathing hard and fast and then I started to feel my own come beginning. I jerked my body all around and then poured the juice on their hands as I came. I felt my pussy tighten up and then my ass did, too.
Roger yelled and yelled.
"I can't hold out any longer. She's squeezing the spunk out of me!"
Then he exploded into my asshole. I was wet from before, but he drenched me. His come was all over me, and I was so wet that as he went to pull out for a last thrust, he pulled his cock all the way out. He finished shooting over my ass. The stuff was dripping all over me.
Then, one of the guys holding me got down and licked the come off me and Roger. He licked way into my pussy and it felt wonderful. My head was still fuzzy from the smoke in the room and I don't think I really believed what had just happened. My dress was wet with the stuff, too, but there wasn't anything that I could do about it. My stockings were ruined and my boots were wet with the juice, too.
After a while, one of the guys that had held me, lay me down on the floor and pushed his cock into me from the front. He was deep into my pussy when Chet saw him doing it. He had been smoking on the other side of the room and taking a rest. He came over and directed another scene. This time, two of the guys held my legs up and the guy with his cock in my pussy pulled it out and shoved it back into my ass. I was almost off the floor when he came in that hole. But, I didn't mind it because someone else was fingering my pussy while he came.
I got home kind of late that night and my parents were on my back. I couldn't clean up the way I wanted to. I didn't want to tell them anything, but then all of a sudden, the room got dark and my mother was yelling at me. I started to tell them that I was raped. Then I told them that I had enjoyed it. I don't know what I really said. Maybe it was the pot or something.
I had all I could do to stop them from calling the police. I begged them to believe me that I asked them to do it to me. I was wild and hysterical. I knew that they would never speak to me if my parents called the police. And I would never get any part if Chet was accused of raping me! I wanted to die, right there. I just wanted to die.
I told my parents that if they called the police, I would kill myself, and when I ran to the kitchen to get a knife, they stopped shouting and just said that they would talk about it tomorrow. That's why I'm here, I guess. I have to stop them from trying to ruin my life.
CONCLUSION
Bobbi is definitely very immature in not being able to see through the ruse that her "friends" used on her. She wants to believe that this will help her in her career as an actress. She wants to continue seeing these people. Undoubtedly, they will perform similarly when the mood is right. She is giving herself to a terrible way of life.
There is no doubt in my mind, however, that with therapy, Bobbi can be made to understand that this kind of friendship is not good and honest. No one can actually tell her that. She will have to learn that, and it seems, painfully. The actual sexual experience she went through, though, seems of little importance. She does not seem harmed by it in her own terms.
Her fear of her parents stems from her adolescent need for freedom, but she really fears her parents' rejection. She is forced to make light of the experience in front of them so that they do not condemn her, too. I have counseled her parents to give her room. Bobbi needs room to grow.
I did see Bobbi for several sessions after this, and I think, made some honest progress into her immature personality. Only the near future will tell if the guidance was strong enough and our relationship honest enough for her to appreciate and act upon.
CASE HISTORY EIGHT
Subject: Ella Age: Eighteen
INTERVIEW ONE
This lovely young lady came to me on her own. She called my office one day and asked if she could make an appointment. She was in great need of my confidential harbor and of some sound, objective advice.
At eighteen, Ella is a very self-possessed person. She is working as a maid now to get money for school. She worked there full time during the summer, living in. Her unfortunate experience occurred with her employer and she was at a loss as to what to do. Her wages were superior to anything she could make at another job and she needed the money badly if she was to be successful in college.
The tall, blonde teenager was calm as she spoke her words.
When I first got this job, I thanked someone up there. I would have done anything to make money. Well, you know what I mean. I would have, waited on tables or washed clothes, just anything. When you have a goal in mind, the means sometimes seems unimportant. The salary that Mr. Tully offered me was something I never expected. I couldn't turn it down.
The first week on the job was nice. I was excited about living in such a beautiful house, in spite of the fact that I was a maid there. I was to help out all over the house. For the moment, I was working in the kitchen, helping with the kitchen chores that were too annoying for the cook to do herself. I was low on the status ladder and I didn't really mind at all.
I got along with everyone rather well. I was always happy to take on an extra chore if someone asked me to, and the other domestics in the house appreciated that. I don't know if they were really laughing at me behind my back, but I didn't really care. This was only for the summer and I didn't care.
I didn't see the master of the house very often. Someone else helped with the serving, and I think the first time that I actually saw him was at a big dinner party. They needed some extra help in serving, and I was so nervous that I dropped some canapés near the kitchen door. Mr. Tully came over to see what the commotion was all about, and the head maid, Margie, told him.
"Are you the new girl? Well, we can't be too hard on you. Why don't you go on and rest for a while. Or have a drink of champagne. That ought to calm you down."
I couldn't believe how nice he was, and some of the other help started to look at me a little differently. And, when, two weeks later, I was switched to helping out upstairs, a few snickered behind my back. I didn't know what they meant, nor did I care. I was only here for the summer, after all.
I was working in the master bedroom one day, changing the linen. Mr. Tully came in.
"Well, hello again. How are you Ella?"
"I'm fine, Mr. Tully, thank you."
We talked for a while about the weather, and then he asked me why I had chosen domestic service.
"Oh, Mr. Tully, I would do anything for money during the summer. I don't consider this so very terrible. It pays fantastic money for me and I can save by having all my room and board paid for, too. I can't imagine how I got so lucky."
"Well, that's a very flattering thing for me to hear, young lady. What do you plan to study in school?"
"Art history, Mr. Tully. I love art, but I know that I'm no genius at it. I would like to work at a museum someday."
"I never really thought about that. Yes, I suppose you would have to have a specialized degree for that."
I kept working around the room, but I was intimidated by his presence.
"Look, if I bother you, just tell me and I'll work in the other room. I only need a thing or two, though'.'
"Oh, of course not, sir. Would you like me to leave while you work?"
"I wouldn't hear of it! I am the one who is bothering you., but one favor that I must ask you."
"Yes, sir?"
"Please don't call me 'sir'. Drives me crazy! Especially from a lovely lady like you."
I didn't know what to say, but I just nodded instead. I tried to go back to what I was doing, but I only managed when he left the room. I was flattered and very distracted the rest of the day. I couldn't think straight. I imagined it was because I was going to college and that he respected me for it.
The next couple of days, I didn't see Mr. Tully at all. But, then, we got word that he was coming home unexpectedly from a trip he had been on, and his room was to be aired and set up. I was assigned to do it, and I went there happily. I liked being in his room. Oh, sure I didn't think of any connection to Mr. Tully. He was older than my father, but his way was nice. And in a moment of fantasy, I fancied him falling in love and marrying me.
For some reason, I didn't consider the fact that he was married. Well, that was what the housekeeper said. I never saw a lady in the house. I dusted briefly, but very carefully. Then I went to the bed and turned it back. It was about eight o'clock and he would be tired, I imagined.
Since he was usually terribly punctual, he had ordered food to be brought up to the room at precisely eight-thirty. As the clock struck that, the tray was wheelled into the room and stored in the corner. In just another moment, Mr. Tully, himself, strolled though the door. I was stretched over the bed, pulling the covers down and arranging the sheets.
"Well, well, what a fetching sight. Ella, you make a very lovely companion piece for my bedroom."
He laughed heartily at his own joke and went about setting his things down.
"It is so nice to be home! You've no idea what a madhouse that world can be sometimes. I don't know why I put up with it, sometimes."
"I was about to leave and turned to ask him if he would want anything else.
"Oh, yes, there is, Ella. Would you stay for a while and do me the honor of some company. I just don't want to be alone right now. Would you?"
"Well, of course, Mr. Tully, if you wish. Though I don't know what I could say that could be of interest to you."
"Just your presence is refreshing to me, Ella."
I felt a bit uneasy, but he managed to make that disappear.
"Now, I am a bit hungry. I know you must have had dinner, but they tell me that young people have enormous appetites. Is that true?"
"Oh, I don't know, Mr. Tully. Why don't you go ahead and have your dinner."
"To be entirely truthful, I got hungry on the way over and stopped for a piece of pizza. Did you know that I love pizza? I would say that I'm addicted to it."
I laughed at his sense of humor and after that, things went very nicely. The dinner was actually a tray of snacks and I did find that I could manage to get some of it down. I had the salami sandwiches and some of the pizza bits. Then he opened some of the soda and I drained more than one glass. I knew it was only soda, but I felt lightheaded afterwards.
We talked about my career in the museum. He asked me why I wanted to get into something as complex as that, and I told him that I felt so alive in a museum. We were sitting in the little conversation area of his bedroom and without realizing it, he was suddenly sitting next to me.
"Ella, are you feeling alright? You look a bit strange."
My head was fuzzy, but I tried to open my eyes and look alert.
"Oh, no. I think I know what the matter is. I sometimes have them pack some light wine in soda bottles. It was a joke some years ago, and I still keep it up for some of my friends. Maybe you ought to lie down for a while."
I was too dizzy to resist and I started to the door, but Mr. Tully stopped me, and steered me to his bed.
"Now, you lie right down here for a bit. You'll feel better in a jiffy, I know. That's the girl."
I just didn't want to resist him after that. His touch was so gentle and I felt so nice on the crisp sheets. My head touched the pillow and I fell into a light sleep. I dreamed some wonderful things, and during the short nap, I felt as though I was being touched by someone. The pleasure filled my body and I writhed to get more of it. I wanted what was happening to me. When I awoke, I found Mr. Tully next to me in the bed. He was resting his head on my bare chest.
"Mr. Tully! What happened?"
"Nothing, my dear. Now, just relax. It was wonderful lying here with you."
I didn't know what to do. I realized that my clothes were off and that his were, too. We were in bed naked. I had no idea if he had done anything to me and then I remembered the dream that I had had.
"Mr. Tully, wht did you do to me? You can go to jail for that!"
"Oh, Ella, what are you talking about? No man has ever gone to jail for taking a woman's clothes off and helping her into bed. And me? I just got tired and got in with you. After all, this is my bed."
He was right. What was I doing in his bed? But, then, he was making it sound as though he hadn't done anything to me. How could I know? Well, I know that a man wets a woman when he comes. I wanted to reach down and touch myself, but all of a sudden, I was overcome with shame.
"I'm sorry. But you cam't blame me for suspecting something when I wake up and find you in bed with me, and naked!"
"You're so right my dear. I can't blame you at all."
Then he pushed himself on top of me and stuck his tongue into my mouth. I tried to fight, but my head was still fuzzy from the wine.
"No, no, you mustn't! Please!" "Why mustn't I? Ella, you want to as much as I do!"
"I need this job! I can't afford to quit! All my dreams of school depend on making money this summer!"
I wanted to cry. I had to make him understand that this job was important to me.
"Oh, please, Mr. Tully! You have to understand. You have money and I don't. I don't mind working for it, but that's just it. I have to have a job. They're not that easy to get!"
The look in Mr. Tully's eyes changed.
"Would you like to be my girl for the summer?"
"What do you mean, "your girl"?
"Just that. We can be friendly and go places and you can have your salary all the same. Maybe a bonus or two."
I was angry with him, then. He was offering me a job as a whore! I fought to get up.
"Ella, Ella, take it easy! Think of the opportunity you're throwing away!"
"What opportunity? To be a whore?"
"Oh, Ella, that's such an ugly word. And what does that mean? Aren't housewives being whores? They accept money for living with a man. Is that any different? Really?"
He stopped me short with that. I never thought of that. I stopped struggling and he kissed me again. I didn't return the kiss, but I let him kiss me. He moved his hands over my breasts and then I felt his penis against my leg. It was hard and it was wet at the tip.
"Now, Ella, this doesn't have to be so bad. You just let me make love to you for a while and see if you like it. If you do, fine, we'll continue, but if you don't, then I'll stop."
Well, I couldn't argue with that. He was already on top of me and kissing me. I let his hands twist my nipples and press my tits together. Then me moved his cock in between my legs and rubbed it against my pussy. I could feel my own juices being stirred and my pussy became wet.
Mr. Tully felt that on his cock and smiled.
"See? You like it. Isn't that nice?"
I liked the feeling of his cock pushing into my wet pussy. He wasn't penetrating my vagina, but he was pushing through the lips so that he rubbed against my clitoris on the end of the thrust. It felt pretty great. I remembered the feelings in the dream and started to get hot. He pushed my legs open and my pussy was open to him. This time, he did thrust into my vagina and I gasped as his fat cock penetrated me.
"Ah, you like that, don't you? Oh, Ella, you're so nice and tight!"
He kept pushing at my pussy and finally embedded his cock all the way. I was getting hotter and hotter, and I wanted him to ream me out. I opened my legs wider, myself, and humped up against his cock. I was about to come, but then, he pulled his cock out of me.
I must have groaned in disappointment, because he smiled at me.
"Now, now, be patient. I know you like that, and so do I. But there's a special treat that I have in mind for you. Turn on your side."
I was hot enough to do anything he said. I kept thinking about holding my job and getting laid, too. I rolled over , away from him and he started to stroke against my pussy again. I rolled my hips to capture his cock, but he was deliberately avoiding it. He rubbed his cock against my pussy and then, all the way back to my asshole.
I was getting anxious to have him put it in me again, and then I got the jab at my anus.
"Hey, not there. You missed by a mile."
I was joking, but I wanted him to get the message that I wanted him in the front.
"I hit the target right on the mark."
Without saying anything further, Mr. Tully pushed his cock at my asshole. I tried to get away from his assault, but he held me to him and pushed at the tight entrance.
"Hey, stop that! No, don't do it!"
"Just hold still and once it is in, it will feel better. I like this, Ella! Come one! Isn't it worth all that nice money?"
I gpt mad when he said that. I struggled to get free and as I kicked away from him, he caught me by the hips and had a good aim at my asshole. He held onto me and pushed. My sphincter gave way, and he buried the head of his cock in my ass.
"Ah! Oh, that hurts! Stop it! Pull it out, please!"
"I will have you my girl. This only adds to the sport!"
He was not fooling around any more and he shoved at my tight anus until he had embedded his cock all the way. His balls were banging against my thighs and I was crying with the pain. He pistoned in and out of my ass and finally, I started to feel faint.
Just as I slumped on the bed, I felt a hot gush up my ass and felt the pain in there get worse. It was wild. He suddenly shoved his fingers into my pussy and frigged me faster and faster. I was close to coming before, and I suddenly started coming. I moaned, and my pussy tightened as well as my asshole. The pain was worse, but the pleasure was too much. That thick cock spreading my ass apart was a terrible instrument of joy.
Mr. Tully shot up my ass with a force I had not experienced before, and I jerked over the bed. He pumped his cock into me until he had emptied it all and then we both lay there. I did fall into a light sleep and I was aware that he was pulling his cock out of me, but I refused to come into full consciousness. The bed rocked and then it was quiet. The light went out and I slept for a long time.
Mr. Tully awakened me himself, the next morning. He was smiling and gave me breakfast in bed. I was so confused. My body was still sore from the outrage of last night, but there was a sense of satisfaction that I had never experienced from sex before. I didn't say anything about it while I had breakfast with him. It was like a fairy tale.
The summer was nice. I stayed on as a maid, but I really didn't do any chores. In a few weeks, I became Mr. Tully's secretary and went with him when he wanted my company. He was very generous and gave me bonuses that I could never have made any other way. I had a fine bank account when the fall rolled around. But, then, something happened to me.
I couldn't get started in school, and just lost the desire to go. I was comfortable in my position at the house. I enjoyed the freedom and the lack of work. I knew that college meant a lot of work, hard work. I got lazy.
Things changed, though. When Vernon, Mr. Tully, that is, realized that I didn't want to go to college, he started to lose interest in me. I still work for him, but I have gone back to being a maid. It is a step down, but he has not stopped my fine salary. I'm almost afraid to leave. Something has happened to me.
CONCLUSION
Ella was profoundly disturbed by her experience. She had changed into another person. She felt different. I would almost venture to say that she felt degraded. She was no longer good enough to go to school and work at the career she desired initially. Her opinion of herself had suffered terribly in the transition period.
CASE HISTORY NINE
Subject: Wanda M. Age: Fifteen
INTERVIEW ONE
This slender young girl looks much younger than her age. The local authorities recommended that she see me. She brought herself when she first came to see me. Her family is very loosely knit and her parents never really ask where she is. She has taken care of herself in body and spirit for several years already.
Wanda knew that she could not handle this problem by herself. She was beginning to have nightmares and her school work was suffering. She was afraid to go out even in the afternoon if she was unaccompanied. She is intelligent in a sense that most prematurely mature people are. She has been forced to take care of herself, and that sense of self-preservation forced her to seek help.
There was no need to prompt Wanda to talk. She came specifically for that purpose and lost no time in getting to the actual crime. This tape reveals her story.
As I explained, doctor, I realized that I had to do something to help myself. My parents aren't really bad people, but they can't handle much of their own lives, and it would be foolish to ask them for help with mine. Oh, my mother is home during the day, that's true enough, but most of the time, she is drunk. I don't think that many strangers would be able to tell it, but having lived with her all my life, I can see the small signs.
My father has a good job, but he prefers to be there more than at home. He never asks where I am or anything about me. I must admit that I don't believe he loves me. But, then, I can't blame him for that. I understand that he didn't want me in the first place, and that I was the reason that he quit school to marry my mother. I imagine that he will never forgive me or my mother. Sometimes I think I can understand why she drinks.
As far as my personality or whatever you want to know about, I have handled myself for several years now. By that, I mean, taken care of myself. Oh, not financially. My father has always made sure that there was money in the house. But as far as cooking and washing clothes, well, my mother just stopped doing it, and when she started again, she just wouldn't take care of my things.
I usually lie about my parents when the teachers want to know something. I sign my own report cards and notes and permission slips. Well, who would if I didn't? They don't even know that I'm in the house many times, and so, I started to stay out later sometimes. It's nicer to come home when they're asleep and I don't even have to say hello.
Well, one afternoon, I was finished with school, and I thought that I would spend the rest of the day in the library, and then walk home by way of this lovely row of homes. I love to walk by there, and I do, often. There are children playing in the yards, sometimes and it makes me kind of happy to see kids that have good homes and parents that love them. It makes me a little sad, though, too.
It was getting close to six o'clock, and I figured that I would head home and make myself some dinner. I was hungry and just wanted to get to bed after that. I was feeling kind of lonely. I mean, really lonely. Some days, it's like that. So, I left the library. There was still some light left in the sky, and I walked by those very nice houses. I was almost through the block, when I stopped to look at a beautiful garden. It really is beautiful, even now.
I don't know how long I was standing there, but the sun was almost gone from the sky and just then I noticed a man close to the fence.
"Hello, there. Do you like the garden? Why don't you come on in and see it better?"
He looked nice enough, and I suddenly wanted to have a friend, to talk to someone. I went in the gate and we talked for a while about the flowers. He was nice to me, and I liked his face. He showed me some lovely things towards the front of the house, and then told me that he had a special part of the garden in the back of the house. I still didn't want to leave, so I went with him. Well, there was a special part of the garden. It was a small house and the flowers and the shrubs inside were gorgeous. He let me look at them one by one, and I felt as though it was a fairyland.
Then, all at once, it happened. He just grabbed me, and started to pull my clothes off. He pulled at my panties. I was wearing a skirt and a blouse. I was kind of shocked, and started to fight him off, but he was so strong. I guess I should have screamed, but I was afraid to. It was only a minute before he had his hands in my private parts. I was scared and stiff, but he bent me over and took his cock out. It was fat and long, and not very hard, though.
"Now, don't worry. I won't hurt you. I promise that. Just let me do what I want to."
I suppose that I could have run or hit him, but I just didn't think of that. Anyway, he started rubbing the tip of his cock against me and pushing it up against my anus. He wasn't too interested in the front of my body. But, then, I do look like a little girl.
He pushed the head right up to the tight hole and started pushing against it. That started to hurt, but he didn't do any more. Then he stuck his fingers way into my ass and rubbed them around, He was stretching me a lot and that hurt, but he didn't try to force his cock in me. When he had his fingers in me, he brought his cock up against my ass again, and rubbed it there.
I heard him breathing hard and faster and them, all of a sudden, he stuck his fingers in and out of my ass, frantically. That really hurt me. But then, all of a sudden, he pulled them out and shoved his cock up against the hole. He was rubbing himself hard against me and then the gush of something hot hit my ass. I was all wet, and he tried to get some of it right up into my asshole. He pumped himself against me, then, and only stopped when there was no more hot wet stuff coming all over me.
I was awfully wet. My legs were full of it, and my panties and even my socks. I felt so strange. You know, like someone in shock. I don't really remember the rest, except that when I got home, I had a very pretty flower in my hand. I guess he had given it to me to keep me quiet.
I couldn't tell my folks, and I just washed myself off and went to bed without supper. I figured that it would be okay, but then about two nights later, I started having these horrible nightmares and I really haven't slept in two weeks. I get afraid to walk down that street in broad daylight, even. That's strange. I won't in daylight. I have to take care of myself, doctor. No one else will. Please help me.
CONCLUSION
I saw a great deal of previous personality damage. She handles herself very well, but there is only a short distance between her stolid self control and care and losing total control. I believe she is living in a suspended seige of depression. Years ago, doctors called it a phase of "melancholy". It was a nice way to hide the acute psychological trouble.
I worked with Wanda for some time, but, in the end, sent her to a friend who is much more knowledgeable in this area. This experience only blew the top off her carefully controlled life-style. It brutally reinforced her feelings of lack of self worth. She was only good enough to be used and abused. The physical harm she suffered was almost negligible, but the psychological damage was deep.
I do believe that this is the kind of case that shows that the act of molestation, in itself, is not the harmful part of the experience, but the significance it is given in the person's life. To this unfortunate girl, that one relatively harmless sexual experience proved to tip the balance against her.
GENERAL CONCLUSION
As I indicated in the foreword of this case book, it is my belief that the actual sexual experiences of young children with adults are not permanently damaging and ultimately detrimental. I feel these case histories have demonstrated that in the relatively normal child, the act of sex perpetrated on them is not entirely disagreeable in every phase. More than one of these subjects willingly participated in some part of the action.
In every case where there was a harmful reaction to the act, it came to the fore that society, in some way, was involved. For some, society took the form of their parents. The parents were punishing the girls and reminding them of the terribleness of the deed. They were, in fact, blamed for the act. The subtle clues that the parents gave, indicated to the victims that they were responsible in some way. Some parents were not that guarded in blame. There was a distinct indication that they felt the girl was in some part responsible.
I advocate, in light of these findings, that society become more aware of the actual sexuality of children. They can appreciate pleasure in their genitals and do actively seek it through masturbation before the child is much past one or two years of age. It is the onus that society places on sex, the taboos of our sexual culture that forces these girls into doubt and hiding. I say let them alone. In fact, as far as this area is concerned, I am in favor of keeping the information from the parents unless there is reasonable safety that the parents will understand.
Ideally, the parents should help a child to overcome such an experience, but until our society begins to show more respect for child-rearing and provides some training for being a parent, these biologically related persons are no better equipped to handle a problem such as this than is just any stranger off the street. I do not wish to appear to dislike parents in general. It is just that my experience with inept parents has changed my attitudes about this supposedly inherent talent in all who bare children.
