PARTY LINE 

                             by 

                           Joe Doe


A PARTY AT THE LOCAL JAIL GETS OUT OF HAND WHEN THE FEMALE GUESTS 
ARE ACCIDENTALLY TRANSFERRED TO THE COUNTY PRISON FARM.  IN AN 
EARNEST BUT LAME EFFORT TO EXPLORE THE LIMITS OF OUR GENRE, THIS 
STORY IS WRITTEN AS A TWO-PERSON RADIO PLAY.


 
BUBBA: Hello, Rufus?  This is Bubba down at the city jail.  I ate 
a ton of doughnuts, and I fell asleep at my desk, and...anyway, 
there's been a bit of an accident.  Did someone just transfer 10 
women down to the prison farm?
 
RUFUS: Sure did, Bubba.  Me and Coon processed 'em about two 
hours ago.
 
BUBBA: What do you mean, you "processed" them? 
 
RUFUS: You know, we processed 'em regular.  We lined 'em up 
outside the prison van and told 'em to take off all their 
clothes.
 
Boy, did they ever put up a fuss!  They said that they didn't 
belong at the prison farm, and they was there because of some 
snafu.  They claimed they was 10 of the town's leading women 
holding a two-day party in the abandoned cellblock down at your 
jail, Bubba.  They said that the idea was that they'd hold a 
kegger and sleepover at your jail.  They said it was isolated, 
and no one would know they was there, and they could just cut 
loose and have a good time.  Have you ever heard such a tall tale?
 
BUBBA: Actually, I have heard that tale.  What did you do with 
them?
 
RUFUS: I stripped 'em down butt-naked, of course.  Boy, for a 
bunch of jailbirds they sure did have a lot of fancy undies.  
Yup, I stripped 'em down naked as you please, and we marched 'em 
right through the yard, in front of all the guards, into the 
reception area. 
 
They sure did blush a lot, for a bunch of hardened criminals, I 
mean!  You would think that they'd never been bare naked in front 
of a bunch of hooting guys before!
 
BUBBA: Didn't you notice that one of them looked like that big 
movie star who's in town filming that movie?  Her picture's been 
on TV and in the papers all week.
 
RUFUS: Of course I noticed; I'm not stupid.  She actually claimed 
she WAS the star, but of course I knew she was just a stunt double 
or a stand-in or something.  After all, what would a beautiful, 
millionaire movie star be doing parading around bare naked in 
front of a dozen male guards out at a county prison farm?
 
But she was pretty hot.  I did the cavity search on her myself.
 
BUBBA: You cavity searched them?
 
RUFUS: Sure did, all 10 of 'em!  Matron does the work most times, 
but this drop-off was unscheduled, and there was no women guards 
around, so me and Coon gave 'em each a good going over.
 
First I checked out their hair, ears, noses, and mouths.  Then I 
made 'em put their palms flat on the floor and hoist their cute 
little fannies in the air.  I spread their legs nice and wide, put 
on a little lube, and went to work.  It took a while, since these 
were some hot looking women.  I don't like to rush it, when the 
women are "oh-so-fine," if you know what I mean.  "Take your 
time," I kept telling Coon.  "Make sure you get your finger up 
into every inch of their tight little cracks."
 
One of 'em looked a little like the Chief!  Fact, she said she 
WAS the Chief's daughter, home from college, if you can believe 
that.  Gosh, she sure was snug...and a virgin too.  Funny part 
was, the girl's mom was every bit as hot as her daughter.
 
BUBBA: That woman who said she was the wife of the police chief, 
was her name Sara?
 
RUFUS: I think so.  How did you guess that?  Anyway, there was so 
many of 'em that we pretty much dispensed with the name thing and 
just wrote a nickname on their asses and their tummies with a big 
red marker pen.  We like to nickname the new fish down at the 
prison, so that they don't get uppity.  We nicknamed the one who 
said that she was the Chief's wife, "FOXY," since she had bright 
red hair, and we named her daughter "CHERRY."  Of course, later 
on I cuffed the little coed's hands to the bars in the cell house 
and popped her, so she wasn't really "CHERRY" anymore, but I'd 
already given her the name, so I didn't erase it or nothing.
 
BUBBA: (BARELY AUDIBLE GROANING SOUND.)
 
RUFUS: You okay, Bubba?  It sounds like you're having a heart 
attack.
 
BUBBA: What did you DO with the women, Rufus?  Where are they now?  
 
RUFUS: I'm getting to that part.  Anyway, when I get done probing 
each one, I send 'em over to Coon, and he puts 'em up on the exam 
table for a little double check.  They was already pretty greasy, 
since I had been up there once, but we still needed a new pair of 
gloves for each of 'em.  Thank goodness we didn't run out of 
gloves.
 
BUBBA: Uh, yeah.  That was a lucky break.
 
RUFUS: Anyway, he checks 'em all again.  Most of the women are 
pretty docile at this point, and they just stare at the ceiling 
when Coon runs his finger up there.  But the one who looks like 
the movie star is crying and carrying on about how they can't put 
her in prison, and how the other inmates will diddle her, and all 
that stuff.  So Coon says he'll let her off, if she agrees to 
cooperate.
 
BUBBA: Oh, no.  What did he make her do?
 
RUFUS: He made Miss Hoity-toity get down on her knees and polish 
his knob, that's what he did.  He made sure she did it nice and 
slow and kept his fingers in her hair the whole time so he could 
yank on her head and give her directions.  She swirled her tongue 
around real good, and it took Coon quite a while to wash her mouth 
out.  She sputtered a bit, but I'll be dammed if that little 
celebrity lookalike didn't swallow ever' drop! 
 
You shoulda seen the look on her face when ol' Coon he slapped her 
on the ass and sent her into the next room with the others.  Like 
he was really going to let her out of prison, just 'cause she 
swallowed!  That's the kind of girl you want to keep IN prison.  
(LAUGHS.)
 
BUBBA: I know you think this is hysterical, but I need to know 
what you did with the women....
 
RUFUS: Well, the woman's shower room was locked up, and the matron 
wasn't around.  So I cuffed their hands behind their backs and 
shackled 'em together with the long chain we use on the road gang.  
Then I ran 'em down to the men's shower room, naked as you please, 
right through the men's cellblock.
 
BUBBA: Oh, no!  Tell me you didn't parade them butt-naked past the 
MALE INMATES....
 
RUFUS: The male cons was all in their cells, but you shoulda seen 
the hooting and the hollering!  When we got to the end, one of the 
inmates was shouting how the first two women in the line were the 
judge and prosecutor at his trial, and it was good to see 'em 
again.  I guess when a guy has been in prison so long, he can 
imagine some pretty strange things.
 
BUBBA: I guess.  So you showered them?

RUFUS: Well, the two guys in the shower room wasn't too happy 
about turning it over to us, but, when I offered 'em "FOXY" and 
the movie star to play with, they agreed to let us shower and 
delouse the girls.  I forgot the keys to the cuffs, so Coon and 
me stripped down and gave each of the little honeys a sponge bath.  
Of course, I got all excited again, and I ended up humping a 
little blonde hooker who claimed that she was some sort of network 
news anchor, down to do a story on the movie.  As if a network 
news anchor could actually end up getting butt-fucked in the 
shower room of the county jail!
 
BUBBA: The whole thing is just unbelievable, I know.  What did you 
do after you cleaned them up?
 
RUFUS: I'm getting to the best part.  One of those women actually 
managed to grab a stun gun off of Coon's belt and stunned one of 
the guards.  Of course she was wet and slippery, and she's 
standing in a pool of water, so she fried herself too.  When she 
woke up, she said that she was the Chief of Detectives so we 
should just forget about it.
 
BUBBA: Was her name Cindy?
 
RUFUS: Well, we had the word "JUGGS" written on her ass, but she 
kept saying she was Cindy K. Ralston the Third, and we should call 
the office of her father, Senator Ralston, to confirm who she was.  
Like I'm really going to call up a U.S. Senator and say, "Excuse 
me, sir, I have someone who claims to be your daughter bent over 
the punishment block at the prison farm, and I'm about to tan her 
bare ass with a razor strap.  Do you want to talk to her before I 
make her sing?" 
 
BUBBA: Oh, no!  You didn't actually whip her bare ass, did you?
 
RUFUS: Not just her.  The guard who got shocked was pretty pissed, 
so we tanned all ten of 'em.  Most of 'em hollered pretty good, 
and a few of 'em actually claimed that it was the first time they 
had ever gotten a spanking.  It took a while for us to strap each 
of 'em down for their ten licks, but it was worth it.  They was 
all pretty docile after that; they just rubbed their little red 
fannies and cried.
 
BUBBA: Where are they now, Bubba?
 
RUFUS: Well, they didn't smell too good after we deloused 'em, 
so we hurried it up after that.  We ran 'em back through the 
cellblock, with all the guys still hooting and heckling at 'em.  
Their bottoms was all pretty red, and most of the guys thought 
that was pretty funny.  There was a lot of jokes about "being 
naughty" and "come up to my cell, and Daddy'll rub on some cream, 
honey."  That sort of thing.  It was a riot, even though the 
girls didn't laugh much.
 
That one who was supposed to be a judge got a lot of attention 
from the inmates, and I heard a few of the cons making deals with 
the guards to bring her back to the cell block.
 
Anyway, we got 'em back and put 'em into their chain gang 
uniforms: orange shorts, half t-shirts, sneakers, and socks.  
I uncuffed 'em, but I put the ankle chain back on as soon as 
they got their athletic socks on their dainty little feet.
 
They was still dressing when one of the guards came in and 
offered me 100 bucks if I'd let him bring the so-called "judge" 
and "prosecutor" back for a little meeting with some of the 
inmates.  It seems some of those cons just wouldn't let go of 
the idea that the two women who put 'em behind bars were now 
jailhouse tail!
 
They was both at the front of the chain, so they was pretty easy 
to hand over.  The little honey that looked like the movie star 
was in the middle of the pack, so I had to rechain another girl 
to take her place.  Those three women didn't look too happy when 
the guards led 'em back into the men's section of the prison, let 
me tell you that!  But they was all still rubbing their fannies, 
so they knew that it was a bad idea to put up a fuss.  But you 
could tell by the looks on their faces that they knew they was 
totally fucked...in every sense of the word.
 
BUBBA: For the last time, Rufus, where are the women now?
 
RUFUS: A big septic tank exploded by one of the mansions down by 
the lake.  So we sent our little honeys out to dig out the mess.  
One of the women claimed she was the engineer who'd designed the 
septic tank, and that it would be impossible to dig through all 
that crap by hand, and that we should use a bulldozer.  I warned 
her the guards liked to strap lazy inmates, so she should just use 
some elbow grease instead of her head and start shoveling. 
 
Another woman actually claimed that it was her house, and she had 
put the call in to the warden because she was too cheap to hire a 
bulldozer!  Like someone who owns a big plantation would actually 
end up shoveling her own shit in a chain gang, right in her own 
backyard.  Boy, can you imagine how the butlers and maids in the 
house would laugh up a storm, seeing the lady of the mansion 
dressed like a "Hooter's Girl," shoveling shit in the broiling 
sun, while a bunch of prison guards with beer cans and shotguns 
cracked razor straps across her ass?
 
BUBBA: Like I said, it's hysterical.  Is that where they are right 
now? 
 
RUFUS: Yeah, it's a huge job, and we'll bring out some lights so 
that they can dig all night.  What do you want me to do with 'em, 
anyway?

(LONG, LONG PAUSE.)
 
BUBBA: Well, I don't think anyone is going to be looking for 
these women for at least a couple of days.  But if anyone does 
call or asks anything, just forget about this phone call.  You 
work them hard, Rufus, and make sure you enjoy the cute ones 
in the next couple of days.  Don't go saving some honey pot for 
Christmas, hear?
 
RUFUS: Uh...sure thing.  Is everything okay, Bubba?
 
BUBBA: Everything is fine.  Just make sure that no one hears about 
those women for a couple of days, okay?  Bye now!
 
RUFUS: So long! 

(CLICK, THEN A DIAL TONE, SOME TOUCH-TONES, AND A RINGING SOUND.)
 
BUBBA: Hello, Cousin Duffy?  Is that offer to work up in your 
department in Vermont still good?  If I drove up tonight, could 
I start tomorrow?

(CLOSING THEME.)
 


Edited by C. Lakewood