HALLOWEEN SUCKS

                          by

                        Joe Doe



"Halloween sucks!" Deputy Finster thought as he drove down the 
foggy road.  

Two deputies were staking out the Interstate, where they'll 
probably pick up half a dozen sexy drunken babes in sexy, skimpy 
Halloween costumes going home from parties.  The deputies out 
at the strip club by the prison farm were undoubtedly enjoying 
tonight's "costume contest."  Hell, even sitting back at the 
jail waiting to get what the others scooped up would be better 
than driving around the bog.

THE BOG!  The swamp, the hellhole, the snot pit, Quicksand Road.... 
The damn thing should have been closed years ago.  No one knew how 
many cars had vanished in there.  Heck, they had even lost a squad 
car in there a few years back.  Still, the Sheriff kept it open.  
After all, if someone showed up looking for some cute coed who was 
working in chains on the prison farm, the Sheriff could always 
shrug and claim she was "probably lost in the bog."

That's what they should have done with Muffy, in Finster's opinion. 
It wasn't his fault!  How was he supposed to know she was the 
Governor's niece?  I mean, she said she was, but when you tell 
them to hop up onto the exam table, they all start squawking about 
how important they are, and how you'll regret this, and how you 
won't get away with it.  Then you give them a sharp slap on the 
ass, and they put their feet up in the stirrups -- just like Muffy 
did.

They should have told the Governor that his precious Muffy was lost 
in the bog.  Yeah, that would have been rich.  Tell him she was 
dead, then leave her on the chain gang or out sucking ding-dongs 
out at the truck stop, earning the Sheriff a pretty penny.  
Instead, they let the princess go and even made Finster apologize.

APOLOGIZE to a GIRL?  Can you imagine?

And now Finster was in the doghouse, driving through a pea soup 
fog on Halloween night, when he'd rather be anywhere else.

The fog was so thick he didn't even see her until he'd almost 
passed her.  It wasn't until he hit the brakes and backed up 
that he could verify that the girl flagging him down was real.

Oh, she was real all right.  Cowboy boots.  Tight blue jean 
short-shorts.  And a white t-shirt that showed her flat little 
tummy and barely covered her nicely-shaped 36Cs.

The deputy flipped on the flashing lights and eased the car 
backwards to get a better look.  Oh yeah, she was sweet.

"Oh, officer!" the girl gushed.  "Thank goodness.  I've been 
walking on this road for an hour, and I didn't think I'd ever 
get off it.  My car got stuck in the muck a few miles back.  
And, with this fog, it's freezing tonight."

"It's Halloween, not the 4th of July," Finster thought, not that 
he minded the young woman's distress.  He was wearing a warm 
leather jacket, and he very much enjoyed the sight of the young 
woman's pokies clearly molded against her tight white t-shirt.

"If you could drive me to the gas station...," the young lady 
pleaded.

"I'm not running a taxi service," he replied.  "And the filling 
station's closed.  Besides, I came that way, and I didn't see no 
car.  If it was in the bog even a little bit, the swamp probably 
sucked it down by now."

"Geez, my dad's going to kill me!" the woman said.

"What sort of car was it?" 

"A 1999 Corolla."

Finster smiled.  A car that old meant she wasn't rich.  Poor 
little thing.  All alone, with no rich daddy to protect her.

"So, your mom or dad famous or rich or something?" he asked, 
determined not to muff (or Muffy) this one up.  "You look 
like a model."

The girl laughed and looked away shyly.  "No, not rich, not 
famous," she conceded.  "Just good genes I guess."

Finster, eyeing her long legs in the tight denim cutoffs, agreed.  
"So where the hell's that accent of yours from?"

"Pennsylvania.  I was going to a friend's party in Florida and...." 

"This is Alabama."

"Uh, I think the new mapping feature on my iPhone is a little 
screwed up," she replied, twirling her long, curly locks.  

"Duh, you think?" Finster thought.  A real rocket scientist, this 
one was.

"You got any ID, Miss Pennsylvania?" he asked, noticing she had no 
purse.

"Uh, I sort of accidentally locked my keys and stuff in my car." 

"The car at the bottom of the bog?" Finster snickered.  "My, you 
ARE in a pickle.  Lucky I came along."  

The girl nodded stupidly.  

"Lucky for me, not you," he thought, eyeballing her headlights. 
Satisfied that the girl was lost, stupid, poor, and unconnected 
enough to be entirely at his mercy, Finster decided to begin the 
show. 

"You got any weapons?" he asked.

"You mean, like a gun?  Of course not!  Where would I be hiding a 
gun?"

"Well, I can see two 45s pointed at me right now," he thought, 
still playing it cool.  "You might have a knife."   

"A knife?" the girl asked.  

"Yeah, a knife," he replied.  "You have knives in Pennsylvania, 
don'cha?  Or do you just rip everything apart with your teeth?"

"Don't be silly!" the girl giggled.  

"I ain't silly!" Finster replied flatly.  "You might have a knife.  
So I'm going to have to search you."

"Search me?" the girl replied, furrowing her brow.  "I don't 
understand.  You're a police officer.  You're here to help me."

"I'll help you real good.  Turn around and place your hands flat 
on the car.  Then spread 'em!"

The girl, biting her lip, complied as Finster pushed her against 
the car.  

He started at her ankles, enjoying the sensation of his big hands 
caressing her shapely calves and thighs.  It was cold and damp out, 
and the girl was cold, not that Finster minded.  He'd warm her up 
soon enough.

"Please, officer!  I'm not carrying any weapons." 

"Oh yeah?" Finster said.  "What about these?"

The girl gasped as he grabbed her breasts from behind, roughly 
caressing her through her shirt.  

"Stop it!" the girl squealed.  "Why are you doing this to me?"

"Because I can," Finster replied, fondling her breasts.  "Because 
I got a badge, and all you got is a nice pair of tits."

He laughed as the girl tried to escape his grasp, slamming her 
down against the hood.  "Don't struggle," he snickered.  "Just 
relax and enjoy it."

The girl didn't enjoy it though, particularly when he pulled her 
wrists behind her back and cinched his handcuffs tight.  "Feel 
the steel, girl?"  he taunted.  "Get used to it.  You're going to 
be wearing them bracelets down to the jail, in court, and then 
down to the prison farm.  You're going to be wearing cuffs and 
shackles like these till we rivet 'em on, real nice and permanent."

Finster smiled as he pulled the girl, her hands cuffed behind her 
back, up to face him.  "And there ain't nothing you can do about 
it, neither.  I hope you enjoy sucking."

"I do," the girl replied.

Finster looked perplexed as the girl brought her wrists from 
behind her back.  She was no longer cuffed.  

The girl smiled slowly, her grin growing wider and wider until she 
revealed an ominous pair of white fangs.  Finster screamed and 
reached for the squad car door as the girl grabbed him by the 
throat and lifted him off his feet.  

He grasped for the door handle, but the girl used her left foot to 
kick the car off the road and into the swamp.  The flashing lights 
disappeared into the ooze.

Finster screamed as the girl sank her teeth into his neck.  
"Ohhhh....  I do love to suck," she murmured.

Finster grew dizzy as the girl slowly drained the life out of him.  
"Don't struggle, honey," she cooed, pausing to swallow the deputy's 
life-blood.  "Just relax and enjoy it."



HAPPY HALLOWEEN from Joe & Lakewood.



Edited by C. Lakewood