LETTER PERFECT 

                            by 

                         Joe Doe


IN THIS VERY BRIEF SEQUEL TO "BREWBOTTOM," NATALIE SENDS A LETTER 
TO THE GOVERNOR COMPLAINING ABOUT HER NEW ROLE AS WARDEN.

THIS STORY WAS INSPIRED BY BLAIRBRECK'S COMMENTS ON "BREWBOTTOM."  
THANKS FOR THE GREAT IDEA!

		******************************            

To: Governor Willie Clanton

From: Warden Natalie Brewbottom

Subject: Honey Pot Prison

Although I have been warden of Honey Pot prison for almost 60 
days, I regret to inform you that I feel my effectiveness in the 
position is extremely limited.

Under civil service laws, I am unable to fire or even discipline 
any of the staff members.  As a result, my attempts to reform the 
prison have been futile.

The strip searches, chain gangs, and strip club "work details" 
continue.  Minor infractions are still "corrected" by strapping 
the adult women on their bare bottoms as if they were rebellious 
teenagers.

My orders are ignored, and I am treated in the most patronizing 
and disrespectful manner imaginable.

Miss Peggy Pigton, my secretary, frequently filled out disciplinary 
requests and reports on me when I was a lowly prisoner under her 
authority.  Now she teasingly leaves pillows on my chair or winks 
at me and rubs her bottom.  When I do something she doesn’t like, 
she posts a "Disciplinary Request" on the bulletin board, as if I 
were still a prisoner!

Naked pictures of me taken during my incarceration have been 
distributed to guards and inmates.  I cannot walk through the 
cellblock without the prisoners waving my pictures and shouting 
obscene appraisals of my anatomy.

The disgusting pictures are also routinely posted at the water 
cooler, on my office door, on the office bulletin board, and even 
on the prison web site.  Sometimes they staple a rubber glove to 
the picture or leave a jar of lubricant nearby.

Almost every day, I am treated to a new limerick through the 
prison e-mail system.  Here are just a couple of samples:

Natalie was very bright, 
And she resisted with all her might. 
But when the order came over, for her to bend over, 
She still made a marvelous sight!

Or:

Natalie was very fair, 
And her intelligence was truly rare. 
But she was a bit haughty, so when she was naughty,
We stripped her down totally bare!


Under the guise of "Documenting Our Warden’s Courageous Undercover 
Work," my subordinates have installed a glass display case in the 
Visitor’s Center containing the humiliating details of my 
incarceration.

My scanty prison uniform, chain gang shackles, and even my panties 
are on display in the case...next to a life-sized picture of me 
dressed in that degrading outfit.

The prison strap used to discipline me is there, too, as well as 
all my "Disciplinary Reports," which detail every spanking I 
received.  The phrase "BARE BOTTOM" is written on each of these 
reports.  

And all that is bad enough.  But there is also a TV that plays a 
continuous videotape of my first prison strapping.  My secretary, 
Peggy, is clearly audible on the tape, teasing and taunting me as 
I plead for mercy.  It is mortifying to see the razor strap and 
listen to my punishment every time I enter or leave the prison!

A security camera tape of my initial prison strip search and a 
video of my debut at the strip club also play continuously on 
other monitors. 

Copies of these tapes are available for $9.95 in the gift shop!

They also display the French Maid, School Uniform, and Cheerleader 
outfits I was forced to wear at the strip club, along with smiling 
pictures of me in each costume.

"Testimonials" about my excellent "oral technique" are on display 
in a section that describes how I was forced to perform oral sex 
on vendors to get reduced prices for the prison.

Since everyone passes through the Visitor’s Center, the display 
totally undermines my authority.  For example, I recently spoke 
to a group of male college students who visited the prison as 
part of a career program.  Here are some of the written questions 
I received for the Q&A session:

YOU CRIED LIKE A BABY THE FIRST TIME THEY SPANKED YOU, AND YOU 
PROMISED TO "DO ANYTHING."  DID THE GUARDS TAKE YOU UP ON YOUR 
GENEROUS OFFER?

WHAT IS THE LARGEST NUMBER OF MEN YOU HAD SEX WITH IN ONE DAY HERE 
AT THE PRISON?

DID YOU GET MORE TIPS AT THE CLUB AFTER YOU SHAVED OFF YOUR PUBIC 
HAIR?

WOULD YOU LIKE TO DANCE AT A PARTY AT OUR FRATERNITY THIS SATURDAY 
NIGHT?  COULD YOU WEAR YOUR CUTE CHEERLEADER UNIFORM?

Needless to say, it is quite difficult to maintain a professional 
demeanor when answering questions like these.

The prison vendors have refused to sign the contracts for next year 
unless I demean myself with them again.  Naturally, I have refused.  

During my incarceration I often performed various sex acts with 
guards in order to escape work details or shameful punishments.  
The same guards still treat me like a prisoner, pinching my bottom 
or 
groping me in the elevator.

I cannot continue working here as the warden if I am treated this 
way.

In short, I insist that you do something to change my status in 
the prison and restore me to my proper position.

(Signed) Natalie Brewbottom


		******************************                    

From: Holly Smith

To: Peggy Pigton, Secretary, Honey Pot Prison

I was disappointed to see that Natalie has totally lost control 
at the prison.  I agree that she can no longer continue as warden 
under these conditions.  We must restore her to her proper 
position.

When I reviewed her file, I realized that Natalie’s release papers 
have been misplaced. 

Since her release is no longer official, I request that you take 
her into custody immediately and once again hold her as an inmate 
at the prison.

We will hold a hearing to re-issue her release papers in 60 days.  
Unfortunately, the letter she sent me (attached) contains a written 
confession that she bribed prison guards with sexual favors when 
she was an inmate. If this is true, we may need to extend Natalie’s 
stay for 6-12 months. 

I am dispatching our best prosecutors to speak with the guards and 
build a case against Natalie.  Naturally, we would be willing to 
grant anyone who testifies against her full immunity.

Prisoner Brewbottom will be allowed to prepare a defense as soon 
as her public defender is sober enough to sit up.

The Governor is very busy, so please send all future correspondence 
regarding this prisoner directly to me.  Inmate Brewbottom must 
have NO phone or mail privileges.

I suggest that you take her into custody right outside her office 
and perform her cavity search in full view of the prison staff.  
I will look forward to watching the videotape.

Please process the accumulated "Disciplinary Request" forms that 
Prisoner Brewbottom has accrued during her tenure as warden as 
soon as possible.

Please contact the college students and tell them that she and 
her delightful cheerleading costume are available for any and 
all future parties. 

Please inform me when she will appear again at the strip club.  
There are a number of her former professional colleagues who 
are very eager to see her perform.

I certainly hope that the vendors will sign their contracts for 
next year now that Inmate Brewbottom has been restored to her 
proper position. 

I am concerned that she may have gotten chubby in the last 60 days 
and may have difficulty squeezing into the tight black cocktail 
dress she will wear during her vendor "meetings."  Please arrange 
for a vigorous chain gang work assignment to whip her cute little 
fanny back into shape! 

She has often told me just how much she enjoyed working for you, 
Peggy.  I certainly hope that Prisoner Brewbottom will once again 
have many opportunities to file, type, sew, dust, shine shoes, and 
scour floors under your close personal supervision.

A number of inmates at the male prison a few miles away have 
recently helped the Governor’s re-election campaign by appearing 
on a television special, singing the praises of our new reform 
policies.  Would it be possible to reward these reformed inmates 
by giving them copies of Natalie’s photos?  Perhaps we could secure 
additional cooperation by arranging for the lonely inmates to have 
some "quiet time" with our winsome little jailbird?

If you have any questions, please call me directly.  Natalie and I 
are cousins, and I am always delighted to help.

(Signed) Holly Smith



Edited by C. Lakewood