My elder sister, Alison, was most amused when I told her the strictest teacher in the school, Miss Richards was going to be my form teacher this term. She was brushing her long golden hair in front of the bedroom mirror and admiring her reflection. Her vanity was a legend in our family. "Oh you have drawn the short straw David" she laughed gaily," Well I do hope she gives you the slipper every day! Hard on your bare bottom preferably!!" "Did you get it on your bare bottom then?", I casually asked, this was a good reply. My sister had experienced the delights of Miss Richards slipper at first hand. Possibly she had retained her underwear when being punished for persistent talking but the blow to her dignity still rankled. Only a really sneaky little brother would stoop so low as to mention it. "Get out of my bedroom now!", she exploded. "Just you wait till she's slippering your bum and you'll deserve it!! You won't last a week, you wont. Now go away!" "A week! Well i bet you i can last a week. If i try an' be good" "Excuse me! Who had a whole year of being taught by her. I know what she's like, she's real mean, really mean, and I know you! You won't last a week! Listen to someone who's had a bit more experience than you have for once. And why are you still here when i told you to get out of my bedroom?" "I bet you i can last a week without getting the slipper from her", I said stubbornly. She stopped brushing her hair, and turned her large blue eyes towards me. "How much do you want to bet then big spender?", she asked with a smirk "A pound", I replied rashly. "A pound! Where will you get a pound from? You're still paying for that kitchen window you broke and you won't get any pocket money for ages! In fact you'll probably be drawing your old age pension before Dad gives you any more pocket money!" She dismissed me by turning her back. As far as she was concerned the subject was closed. A younger brother who couldn't pay his debts was of no use to anyone. "Next weekend Granma is paying us a visit" I said. "So?"she asked , impatiently. "Well she always gives us a pound each!" I said excitedly. "So the winner gets two pounds" "I don't know what your getting excited about as you won't be winning anything." she replied smugly. "Is it a bet or not?" "Well as you will only waste the money on those silly comics you read. I might as well spend it on something sensible" "Is it a bet?" "Yes it's a bet, now clear off out of my room and give me some peace!" There are few things harder to take in life than a big sister who is always right. I was determined that I was going to win that pound. However even I could see I would have to readjust my usual behaviour at school if was going to survive a whole week under the watchful eye of the dreadfully severe Miss Richards. The next day was the first day of the new term. I shone from head to toe. Tie done up straight, shoes gleaming. I was truly a shiny faced schoolboy. Briefcase in hand I walked up the drive and was surprised to meet my sister coming the other way with a smuggy little grin on her face. "Good luck little brother" she giggled. I made no comment and contented myself by making several rather ungentlemanly gestures. Then after looking round guiltily I remembered my new improved character and strode purposefully down the road to school. Won't last a week eh , I would make her eat her words. At school I was the first to arrive and I was first in line waiting eagerly to go in the classroom. Sometime later Miss Richards arrived, as immaculate as ever. How could such a truly beautiful woman be as strict as every one says? Her hands were full with a large pile of exercise books.She had the usual fixed scowl on her face. "Well for goodness sake you gormless boy open the door and don't just stand there like a dummy. Where are your manners?" she fumed. Who could she be talking to I wondered. Then with absolute horror I realised she was talking to me. I shot forward and opened the door with a flourish. "Allow me Miss Richards " I said. I thrust open the door, a large bag of flour fell with a plop on my head. I had flour in my ears, my eyes, my mouth, everywhwere. "Who did this?", she demanded, wiping a few specs of flour from the hem of her skirt. The rest of her was unscathed but she was ready to explode. "It must have been someone here. I shall get to the bottom of this if i have to slipper everyone in this class. You boy get yourself cleaned up at once" she snarled angrily "And be sharp about it or you will soon find yourself bending over my desk". I hurried off to the cloakroom with the sure knowledge that earning my pound was not going to be easy. What fool had left that booby trap I wondered. When i returned five minutes later, a little less floury. The janitor was was still cleaning up the flour and grumbling. "You want to slipper the lot of 'em I reckons Miss Richards. That'll learn 'em. That's what they needs, a good 'idin. Hard on the backside, that's what they needs. They'll be all the better for it afterwards" "Yes thankyou Jarvis. When I need advice on disciplinary matters I shall know who to consult. Please get on with your work quickly and efficiently Jarvis so I can begin teaching. We are already some fifteen minutes behind schedule!". All my mates were sitting in the seats at the rear of the classroom. My friend Sammy Rivers lounging idly at the back with an amused expression on his face had saved a seat for me. I passed him by, feeling like a traitor, and sat discretely at the front, next to the best behaved boy in the school, Alistair Smiley. When Jarvis had gone, Miss Richards took the register. The day had started badly and she was not in a good mood. Her dark, all seeing eyes were just waiting for someone to misbehave. "Right Class 3C, someone has booby trapped my form room and when I find out who it is they will regret the day they were born until then your all under a cloud and in one of my special detentions tomorrow evening. Answer to your names and anyone who tries my patience today would be very foolish indeed. Adams, Askew, Brown, Evans, Galsworth,".. And when she got to my name, "Raine", "Adsum", "Are you any relation to Alison Raine?" she asked, a strong note of suspicion in her voice. "Yes Miss, she's my sister" "Well I hope for your sake you don't share the same character defects", another one to add to Alison's fan club! After the register the pace was unrelenting. "Get out your text books we shall have an English Grammar test and woe betide anyone who is not properly organised. You at the back there stop talking or suffer the consequences" I reached down to open my briefcase. It was beside Smileys briefcase which he had just opened in order to extract a text book. As I opened my briefcase, what should meet my eye? Not the text books I had filled it with yesterday evening, but two large bags of flour and what was this? Horror of horrors a catapult. Possession of a catapult was a capital offence in this school, goodness knows how such a thing could find its way into my bag! Suddenly i felt a shadow loom over me. "What are you doing down there Raine?" It was a moments work to slip the catapult into Smiley's briefcase. "Why haven't you opened your text book you foolish boy" asked Miss Richards. "Ahem, i seem to have brought the wrong bag Miss Richards" i said with a sinking feeling. "Please i'm awfully sorry Miss!" "What then have you got in your bag Raine?", She asked suspiciously. I couldn't let her see the flour she might suspect me of laying the booby trap. Alistair Smiley, smirking smugly to himself, reached into his bag for a ruler so he could neatly underline todays date. He touched an unfamiliar object and unthinkingly pulled it out of his briefcase. Blankly he stared at the catapult. "Raine you are severely trying my.... Smiley what is it you have in your hand? A catapult!! Do my eyes deceive me, you have brought a catapult to school!!" It was a painful few minutes for the school swot, Alistar Smiley. A small cloud of dust was raised from his trousers as Miss Richards put in some sterling fierce work with that slipper. His plump bottom bent over her desk at the appropriate angle, he added his own vocal accompaniment to the proceedings. WHACK owww!! WHACK yoww!! WHACK noow!! WHACK Pleeease Miss!! WHACK ooooh!! WHACKKK boohoohoo!! "There you are, that's six of the very best Smiley a salutary lesson for you and a warning to anyone else who might feel tempted to bring a catapult to school" "Boohoohoo, it's not fair. It wasn't my catapult" he howled. "Indeed Smiley. I'm afraid the evidence was against you". The rest of the morning passed peacefully enough and I was able to borrow a text book. Miss Richards seemed to cheer up after her little spot of exercise. I was quick to open the door for her and even earned a nod of appreciation for cleaning the blackboard without being asked. At break time Sammy took me to one side. Sammy is a streetwise kid and we sort of look after each other. "Whats wrong with you? If you prefer sitting next to Alistair Smiley that's fine but why? And what's all this creeping round Miss Richards? Where's the kid I used to know?". Of course i told him the whole story about the pound bet with my sister and how I was mystified about the booby trap and how the contents of my briefcase had mysteriously been replaced with two bags of flour and a catapult. After I had finished he looked at me almost sadly, sighed and shook his head. "You really are serious? You can't actually work out for yourself who is setting you up?" "No I mean who would do such a thing Sammy?" "It hasn't yet occurred to your magnificent brain that your sweet sisters responsible?" "No Alison!! No way!!!" Well i wouldn't believe that of Alison and in the end he said. "Right you just sit next to me where I can keep an eye on you. OK and just maybe I can get you through this week". Poor Sammy. It was a painful week for him. On Tuesday, Jane Summers, a girl who is very friendly with my sister complained to Miss Richards that as she bent down to tie her shoelace I had smacked her bum. I was amazed that Jane should say that. In the first place I hadn't gone near her and secondly she had sent me a Valentine only a few months earlier and I would have thought she would welcome a smack on the bum from me. Sammy amazed me by confessing that it was in fact he who had delivered the smack, when I know he never went near her either!! "Miss i am sure it was David" "You must be mistaken Jane another boy has confessed" "I am positive it was David" "You tiresome girl another word and you will receive a proper chastisement yourself. Now come here Master Rivers and I will seek to persuade you that only I am allowed to smack bottoms in this classroom". Thus it went on all week. On Wednesday Miss Richards desk was nailed shut. A subsequent search found, and this is really a mystery to me, a hammer and nails in my desk!! Can you fathom it!!! He must be crazy to do a thing like that. Sammy straightaway owned up and received yet another slippering. Miss Richards was so angry I thought she would never stop. He was really suffering poor old Sammy. On Thursday a dead frog was discovered in Miss Richards lunchbox three very reliable young female witnesses confessed to having seen me place the Frog there!! I just couldn't believe it!! Fortunately not only did poor old Sammy confess to the crime (wearing the most pained expression mind you! As if life was getting him down!!) but four equally reliable young male witnesses swore that they had in fact seen him place the frog there too! So luckily Sammy was believed. Poor Sammy, he did suffer terribly, he was in so much pain. On Friday afternoon during break, I said to Sammy. "Looks like I'm going to win my bet, just an hour of school to go . I just can't wait to see her face when she hands that pound note over". Sammy gave me one of his looks and shook his head wisely. "Don't count your Chickens before they are hatched and be extra careful, here comes the Princess herself, ready to grace us lesser mortals with her royal presence" "Oh well done David. I think you did terribly well, really I do! I just came over to offer my congratulations" she said smiling. That was good of her. Sammy doesn't give her credit but she can be quite sweet natured at times. "Thanks Alison, I'm glad you see it like that. You see you are not always right. Sometimes I am right and you.. Well you are just wrong", as I said this, a large boy in her class, Sean Meadows bumped into her. "Watch where your going Sean" she said. The boy turned round angrily and said threateningly "Shut your face you silly ...." He got no further, my fist made hard contact with his mouth. I just heard Sammy howl angrily, then we were at it hammer and tongs. He is a big lad is Sean Meadows and how long I would have survived I don't know but we were quickly pulled apart and Miss Richards had me firmly by the collar. "Right you two sparring partners will go to my room immediately and wait for me". A funny thing happened on the way to her room. Sean turned to me and said, "I'm sorry this had to happen but I would do anything for her you know. Just anything. I just love her" "Well you've got a funny way of showing it", I said, "Bumping into her and calling her names!" I answered with feeling. Miss Richards, had had a busy week with her slipper but she showed no sign of tiring. Eight whacks each, poor old Sean, he howled like a banshee, I almost felt sorry for him. Then it was my turn. "Right bottom well out please and remember any wriggling and I shall take those trousers down." WHACK mm WHACK mmm WHACK ooh WHACK oh WHACK ooh WHACK noooo WHACKKK ohhhhh no WHAACCKKKKK noooooooooo It was an exemplary punishment. I left the room clutching my bottom like a miser grips his purse. Oh it was agony but Sammy was not in a sympathetic frame of mind. "What a set up and you fell for it hook line and sinker. You poor sap you!! Pathetic", he fumed. "Ohh my poor bum. Oww it doesn't half hurt!!" "Good I'm glad it hurt. You deserve it for falling for such a shallow trick. Even a complete moron surely knows that Sean Meadows would do anything for your sister", he raged, nothing however could change the fact that I had messed it up. When I got home I decided to be philosophical about it. Alison may have outsmarted me this time but their was always next time!! Who was I trying to kid? Just then Mum popped her head round the door. "Granmas not coming this weekend. She gone to stay with her sister in Ireland for a few months but she'll try and come over next year if she can", she said. Well you have to laugh don't you?