The next week was a flurry of activity. Nicole and Simone spent most of their days at their old house packing their things. Some things they moved in now, some things were staying there and some would move to the new house. Nicole had taken Sally over to her house and asked her what would be OK to take where. As far as I could tell the new relationship was working out. I kept everything crossed that I could cross in the faint hope that it would continue and thrive.
Sally met with Marion and got carte blanche to do whatever she wanted to the family house. I had this nagging feeling once again that I should be worried about the apparent nonchalance with which my normally stuffy sister was treating this unusual family structure I was building. More than that, I was going to be moving it into the same house she was living in. I asked Sally what she had told Marion about us and our living arrangements, and Sally said 'pretty much everything.' Including Nicole and Simone living there, too. I checked.
Sally had already called in contractors and actually had construction work being done by the end of the week. Marion invited her to come down and stay with her while I was gone for the week to Washington so she could be close to the action and they could talk. Again, I kept having that pesky nagging feeling that I should be worried about something.
Later that week I managed to slip out for one of the lunches Mac and I liked to grab whenever we could. These lunches, which used to be weekly occurrences, had now gone to catch as catch can because of his game and travel schedule during the baseball season. He was getting ready to go south for Spring Training soon, so we would meet whenever we could.
We had a good lunch. I could tell he was dying to ask about everything that was going on but I held him off. I explained I would tell him everything I could later but that he would have to be patient. There were some things I needed to work out and so on. I did give him a little gift from Simone, kind of a 'Thank You' from her for all the time he had spent with her at the hospital. It was a gold chain necklace.
It was funny to watch his reactions to the gift. It was obvious he dearly loved the chain. Not only was it a gift from Simone, it was tasteful and of high quality. Mac, however, had this aversion to what he referred to as the 'Mr. T' syndrome. He didn't wear jewelry, other than our championship ring and, now, his wedding band. He looked up at me.
"How do I explain this to CeCe?"
I don't think he knew he'd already decided to wear it.
I just sat there, shaking from laughter. I couldn't answer him. I almost wished we'd gone to a bar for lunch instead of the trendy restaurant we were in. That way I could have let it out. As it was, I nearly hurt myself keeping relatively quiet so the management would let us back in next time we wanted to eat there. I did get several glares from the head waiter and one offer for the Heimlich Maneuver from a neighboring patron.
As we were leaving, Mac pulled a briefcase from the trunk of his car and handed it to me.
"Here," he said.
"Why, thanks, Mac. You didn't have to get me a gift," I half joked.
"I didn't," he said puzzled. "I think you left this in my entryway that night you brought Simone. CeCe tripped over it when she came back from her trip and asked me to put it away. I had thought it was hers, when I saw it there, so I hadn't touched it. It's not hers, and not mine. You were the only other people there. So, here."
He held it out to me again.
I took it from him but I was puzzled as to what it was. Not wanting to make a major point of it, I put it in my trunk. We shook hands and went our separate ways. He would be at training camp for three to four weeks before he got a break. I had told him to keep a particular weekend free, if he could. We were planning a small get together at the house. He grinned like a high school kid when he realized he was going to get to see Simone again. He paled when I said the invitation was for CeCe, too. I was still laughing at him as I drove back to the house.
Janey's Spring Break came the following week and she went to Bala's for a visit. She wasn't dreading it, but I could tell she wasn't thrilled, either. I asked her about it.
"I dunno, Dad. I like her and all and I want to go. Her country and culture are so neat. Not neat, like cool, but like, tidy, you know. It's so old, too. Everything and everyone has a place and reason but at the same time it's an exciting time of change there. I, I really want to learn more about it and, if I can, help them. I guess I'd maybe even want to be a part of it somehow. But, it scares me that I want to be a part of it so much. I hope she's not mad at me for the way I talked to her, and all, too. I was pretty strict."
I reassured her that Bala wasn't angry with her, that she just wanted to spend some time with her. She was probably lonely, all by herself in that house when Amud was at work. I knew she didn't go out without him. Yet. Maybe that was why she had asked Janey to visit. I hoped Janey wouldn't teach her to drive.
Simone asked if it would be OK if she stayed at Aunt Marion's with Sally. Gertie had said she would pick her up there for her first visit and they would spend the day together. Sally agreed and so did I before I realized with a sudden sinking feeling that there was a good chance that Gertie, Sally and Marion would all be together at once. I had expended entirely too much effort keeping all the compartments of my life neatly separated and, in one fucking coincidental fell swoop, the three women who knew more of my life history than I did would be in the same place at the same time. If I had been so inclined, I would have had a panic attack. I kept a firm grip on my emotions, though, and just shit myself instead.
Nicole and I left for Washington after everyone else had gone off on their own separate ways. I wasn't looking forward to being in Gertie's lab anymore than usual, but getting to spend some time alone with Nicole certainly was a definite plus. She was kind of quiet on the drive down. At one point I looked over and saw her wiping away a tear. I pulled into to the next rest area.
"We don't have to go, you know," I told her.
"Oh, no! I wish to go."
I kept silent. She would tell me when she was ready. That much I had already sensed.
"I am terrified, Lawrence. I have never been so terrified in my life."
"I will be there with you, Nicole. You don't need to be terrified."
"It is that which terrifies me, Lawrence."
Again I stay silent. It seemed to be what she needed.
"I wish so much to please you, to be perfect for you. This is so important to me. I need you to want me. I know it cannot be like with her, with Sally. You and Sally are so comfortable with each other. I can see you love her, as she does you. It is hard to enter this, this family and not be envious of that love."
I knew there was more. I was right.
"And you haven't touched me. Not once. Not when Sally made me stay naked all the time in front of you, not when I lay at the foot of your bed like a dog. I saw you look at me and become aroused but you would take Sally. Not me. Am I not good enough for you, Lawrence?"
"Are you fishing for a compliment, Nicole, or are you questioning why I have not had sex with you?"
She blushed, then gathered herself.
"I know myself, I know what I am and I know that I arouse you. It is difficult, though, to be sure of my attractiveness when I put myself at your disposal and not wonder when you refuse to use me. I have asked Sally about that, too. She said you were very particular about the timing, especially the first time. That you would make it special, as special as possible for me, for us. She told me of your trip to the beach, your first time with her. She let me borrow her swimsuit, if I needed it. Forgive me for questioning you, for doubting you."
Oh, God! Was nothing sacred between these conspirators? I was a dead man, but there was still one more thing to come out.
"Put all together, Lawrence, I am terrified about what you expect from me on this trip. Please help me to please you this week. What is it you require of me? Tell me, please. I will be your slave, your mistress, your slut, whatever. Just, please tell me."
OK, so that one I hadn't expected. I took a moment to look at it from her perspective and realized she had every reason to be petrified. As we sat there at the rest stop, I told her what I wanted from her, not just this week, but always. I told her to be herself. I had seen glimpses of her personality sparkle through the few times when she had been relaxed. Simone had not learned her delightfully coquettish behavior on her own. I told Nicole I wanted her to feel free to dance if asked, but only if I had fallen over dead from exhaustion and couldn't dance with her, that is. I was an aging man, remember.
She laughed at my weak joke and we got back on the road, talking and laughing as we neared the Capital. I sensed her lack of confidence in certain things and tried to give her direction whenever I could. She learned quickly to read the subtle signs of my body language and my expressions. She ended the trip her head on my shoulder, resting easily, enjoying the initial closeness between us. Suddenly, Gertie's lab didn't seem so terrible.
When Gertie found out I had selected Nicole to accompany me, she insisted that I bring her with me for the first day of labs. She wanted to meet Simone's mother. Gertie wouldn't be conducting the tests. She just did the analysis of the results, so she had time to spend with Nicole. Mostly the exams they put me through was a strenuous physical and endurance testing, reflex response times, some skill testing, and taking lots of samples of every possible bodily fluid and tissue. I hated those the most. They took tissues and fluids from every major organ system, including a bone scraping. I would rather they would have yanked off a fingernail. I was afraid to mention it, though, as that seemed to be the one thing they were not interested in.
I completed the whole battery of tests late that night and dragged myself back to Gertie's office to pick up Nicole. The peals of laughter, light sounds from Nicole, a heartier tone from Gertie, met me far down the hallway and danced around me as I crawled to the open door. They saw me enter and were suddenly silent, conspirators in some manner. I was not too tired to notice. I was just too tired to mention it or even lift a questioning eyebrow.
As I handed Nicole out the door, I turned to say goodbye to Gertie and thank her for keeping Nicole. To my surprise, she was sitting there watching us leave, tears in her eyes. Then, to totally blow me away, she gave me a two thumbs up sign and shooed me away, like a blustering aunt.
I checked the schedule at the front desk for the time of my next appointment the following day. Another surprise. I was done with the physical tests and didn't have to come back, unless they found something in the analysis. I thought there had been an awful lot more tests and needles than usual. I didn't complain about it too loudly.
The round of cocktail parties and ball started the next evening. Nicole and I had spent the morning doing one of the Smithsonian exhibits and then the National Gallery. It relaxed her to see things of such beauty. It made me happy to see her so happy. She was so attractive and vivacious as she warmed up to the paintings that several other couples tailed along after us, eager to hear her opinions of the masterpieces or an anecdote about the artists. She spoke as if she had known all of the artists personally. Nicole was beautiful, smart and confident. I was the envy of all the men there. Some of the women, too, as I saw a couple of them eyeing her hungrily.
We called it an early day after a leisurely lunch. Nicole had brought several gowns with her, waiting to decide which she was going to wear until the last minute. The bellhop at the luxury hotel I had booked for our stay had been astounded to find we were only going to be there a night or two. From the mountain of luggage he had hauled into our suite, he had figured a month at the least. I shut his mouth with a sizable tip before he could insert his other foot as well.
Nicole looked up at me. "How should I dress for this evening, Lawrence?'
I had just seen this woman enthrall total strangers with her intelligence, her exotic accent and her charm. She had a much better sense of these things than I did. Having been burned recently by not playing to the strength of my lover, albeit Sally, I took Nicole's hand, kissed it lightly, and told her I trusted her judgment.
I don't know if it was the kiss on the hand, our first, or the fact that I said I trusted her but it was as if a fire had been lit inside of her. She glowed, radiated, shone. I heard her singing a light tune in the next room as she went about getting ready.
I prepared myself for the worst. A baggy burlap rag slung over one shoulder. A horribly fashionable garish lime-green tutu with striped purple and yellow leggings. I was prepared to accept whatever she chose to wear, to tell her she was beautiful and set her on my arm with pride. In other words, I was prepared to lie though my teeth and back it up with a smile.
I was not prepared for the vision that wafted though the bedroom door an hour later. I knew Nicole was a beautiful woman. I hadn't known she had the kind of beauty that could take your breath away. She disguised it well, behind the humdrum of life but now, released into the open, Holy Shit!
Apparently, my reaction to her was typical of other men's as she patiently waited for me to put my eyes back in their sockets, catch my breath and shut my gaping mouth after I had pulled my panting tongue back in.
"Is this suitable, do you think, Lawrence?" she lilted in a melodious voice.
Where had she hidden all this before now?
My mouth working like a fish gasping for air, I nodded dazedly. I was speechless. I think it pleased her, the effect she was having on me. In a daze, we went to the ball.
I felt like a sheep headed to the slaughtering house. I didn't realize how close that was to reality.