Representative Sidney Smith walked to his office pleased that he had an entire afternoon without a single appointment. Between public speeches, committee meetings, time spent on the floor of the House of Representatives, and smooching with businessmen for funding, he felt that he never had time to think through the issues. It was his standing order that no appointments were to be scheduled Friday afternoons. That was his time to catch up on the issues of the day.
Entering his office, Sidney froze and looked at the two men seated in front of his desk. He swallowed and asked, "What can I do for you?"
"Ah, Representative Sidney Smith, allow me to introduce myself. I am William Redman Carter and the gentleman to my side is my father, Ed Biggers."
Sidney stared at the black robes and gold medallions around their necks. Stating the obvious, he said, "You're Druids."
"That is correct," Ed said giving Sidney a curt nod of his head. He figured that was the last fully honest sentence he would hear for the day.
Gesturing to the chair behind the desk, William said, "Have a seat. We have come here to talk with you."
"About what?" Sidney asked. He wasn't sure what it meant when two Druids showed up, but he was pretty sure that it wasn't good. He had heard that the Druids weren't going to wear their robes anymore unless it was part of their service. His mouth seemed to dry up as he edged towards his chair.
"About your past and then about your future," William answered glancing down at the small notebook that was on his lap.
"Okay," Sidney said wondering what they thought he might have done in the past. The bit about his future sounded a lot like a threat.
"I'd like to start off by asking you some questions. Although you might not want to answer them, it is important that you answer them and do so truthfully. Hearing lies gives my father headaches and we wouldn't want that to happen," William said while opening up a small notebook.
Uncertain if he was making a wise decision, Sidney said, "Okay. Ask away."
William looked down the list of questions for a few seconds and then said, "Let's get the big ones out of the way. Have you ever committed a felony?"
"No," Sidney answered suddenly concerned that they were going to frame him for something he hadn't done. Being a moderate politician he knew that his position often put him at odds with religious fanatics.
"Good. Have you ever committed any criminal act?" William asked glancing up from his notebook on the final two words of his question.
"No," Sidney answered.
Ed cleared his throat and said, "That's not quite true."
Looking around as if he had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar, Sidney said, "Well, there was the normal kind of stupid stuff you do when you're a teenager."
Smiling at the admission, William said, "I need to know everything. Don't forget traffic violations."
Sidney wondered if he needed to get a lawyer. He frowned and asked, "What's going on? Why should I tell you anything?"
"Well, I'm asking some questions to discover what kinds of skeletons you have in your closet. If I like the answers that I believe we'll get from you, then I'll ask you about your political positions on a number of issues of national importance," William answered. He smiled at Sidney before he said, "If I like those answers, then I'm going to get you elected to the House of Representatives."
"I'm already in the House of Representatives," Sidney said with a snort.
"I'm not talking about the Ohio House of Representatives. I'm talking about the one in Washington," William said.
"Bah. The guy who holds the office in my district has been there forever. There's no way that I can win against him," Sidney said.
William leaned forward and said, "That's where you're wrong. If you answer my questions, I'll show you how to beat him in a clean straight up campaign."
Sidney stared at William trying to see if the man was lying to him. After a long thirty seconds, he said, "You're serious."
Ed said, "William is the most serious person I know."
Back at the hotel, William and Ed went out to a patio bar and ordered iced teas. While a very helpful waitress ran off to fetch their teas, they went over to a table well away from everyone else so that they could talk without being overheard. Upon taking a seat, Ed said, "I don't understand what you are doing."
"I'm trying to fix the Crisis of Followership and save the world," William said.
"How?" Ed asked.
"Last election I predicted the winner of every national and state race based on a very simple formula. Would you like to know something very odd about that election?" William asked.
"Sure," Ed answered.
"The winners at the state levels had positions that were supported by the majority of their constituents. The winners at the federal levels had positions that were supported by only ten percent of their constituents," William said.
"What?" Ed asked unable to believe what he heard. He knew that William was telling the truth, but that didn't mean he understood why it was the truth.
"The people elected individuals to the national offices who didn't represent their interests," William said smiling at his father.
"I'm sorry, but you are going to have to convince me. I just don't see how that is possible," Ed said.
"There are a dozen major issues that are important at any given time. Of course a candidate has a position on each of those issues. Now, a candidate could have a position on one of those issues that is supported by a majority of people within his district. If he runs on that issue, he's likely to be elected. Right?"
"Sure," Ed said.
"What if his position on the rest of the issues is not supported by the majority of people within his district? Does he lose?"
"Not if those issues are never raised," Ed said sitting back in his chair. He could see exactly where William was going in his explanation.
The waitress came by with their iced teas. The two didn't talk while she placed the glasses on the table. William signed the bill adding it to his tab at the hotel without noticing the telephone number on the slip of paper with the bill. The waitress glanced down at the tip and said, "Thank you."
"You're welcome," William answered.
"Can I do anything for you?" the waitress asked bending over to William. Her blouse billowed open.
"No," William said.
The waitress handed him the slip of paper that had been with the bill and said, "Here's my number. Give me a call if anything comes to mind."
Looking down at the slip of paper, William said, "Wow, that's a brilliant service idea. I never would have thought of giving the customers a cell phone number so that they can call for service."
Ed rolled his eyes while the waitress stared at William. She knew that he was rich and good looking. She couldn't imagine someone that rich being that dense. Finally, she said, "That's my personal number. If I can do anything for you, just give me a call."
Handing the number back to the waitress, William gestured to a table across the patio and said, "The woman seated over there is my secretary. Usually she runs all of my errands, but she might appreciate your help. Give her this and she'll call you if we need you."
"Okay," the waitress said backing away from the table wondering why he would want her to give the number to his secretary. Thinking that rich people did things their own way, she decided that the woman was in charge of his entourage or something.
William waited for her to leave before he continued his discussion with his father, "As I was about to say, a candidate runs on the one issue that he thinks will get him elected and ignores all of the other issues. Of course, the other candidate runs on the one issue that he thinks will get him elected. The voters choose between the two candidates never realizing that neither candidate actually represents their positions on the majority of the issues."
"I can see how that happens. Why are you interested in Sidney Smith?" Ed asked.
William smiled and answered, "Like I said. The situation is a little different at the local level. His position across all of the issues actually captures the position of more than sixty per cent of the people within his district."
Ed had found the man's positions to be fairly moderate. He didn't discuss any of the issues with an extreme dogmatic position. He said, "I'll accept your word on that."
"I've studied the demographics of this area very thoroughly. He's the best representative of the electorate in his district."
"How does that relate to the Crisis of Followership?"
"If he wins, the people will be able to follow him because they agree with him on the issues. It isn't a matter of the leadership qualities that he displays, but that he is the right man for the followers," William answered.
"What about the forty percent that don't agree with him?" Ed asked.
"They will agree with him on enough of the issues that the others won't matter that much. Less than ten percent will be opposed to him across all of the issues," William answered.
"What about his opponent?" Ed asked.
"Ah, that man campaigns on one issue and it is a very polarizing issue. The majority of voters doesn't know his position on the rest of the issues and would be disturbed to learn what he really represents. There is a hardcore ten percent who agree with him and a hardcore ten percent who disagree entirely with him. They know where he stands on the rest of the issues," William said.
Ed took a long sip of his iced tea while thinking about what William was saying. There were a lot of questions that remained unanswered. He asked, "How does this support what Oscar did?"
William answered, "That's a good question. The problem amongst the majority of individuals who are in office at the federal level is that they represent one of two extremes in terms of international policy. There's the world government crowd and the America first crowd. Because our politics have become so divisive, the leadership oscillates between the two extremes almost every election. The tension between those two groups leads to a very inconsistent foreign policy that will again drive the world to a state of global war."
Ed nodded his head. He said, "You know that Druids have been advising members of the government for a long time to prevent that from happening."
"Yes, but we've never been able to solve the underlying problem. The voters are electing people who don't really represent them. The situation has changed. The Bards have returned, the Druids are strong, and the graduates of the Druid College are moving into positions of influence around the world. Now we are in a position to get a more moderate class of politician in office," William said.
Ed shook his head and said, "I really don't like the idea of getting that involved in politics. Religion and politics don't mix."
"I agree. I'm not pushing a political agenda. All I'm doing is trying to block the more extreme positions from keeping control. It isn't the positions themselves that is the problem; it is the dogmatic extremism that exists. That's what is fracturing the populace and creating the Crisis of Followership. I'm trying to remove that problem," William said. A very minor change in the representatives to Congress would reduce the power at the extremes and strengthen the moderates.
"You're going to be walking a fine line," Ed cautioned.
William sighed and said, "If you could see the possible futures that I see, you wouldn't be able to sleep at night."
William walked into the hotel suite to find Barbara on the telephone talking to someone. At least she was attempting to talk. She was laughing so hard that tears were coming out of her eyes. He wondered what was so funny. On seeing him, Barbara said, "I've got to hang up now. William's back."
Once Barbara hung up the phone, William said, "That must have been a funny story to make you laugh that hard."
Wiping the tears out of her eyes, Barbara said, "I have to thank you for having Frieda give me her telephone number."
"Frieda? Oh, you mean the waitress. She really wanted to be helpful and I thought that you might appreciate some assistance," William said going over to the desk in search of a telephone book. He wanted to find out if there was a Squid Shack or a Burrito Bungalow in the area.
Barbara burst out laughing. She barely managed to croak out, "You're killing me."
"What?" William asked looking over at her.
"She didn't want to be helpful in that way," Barbara said wiping her eyes.
"Okay," William said deciding that was an argument that he was going to lose. He asked, "Do you know where the telephone book is?"
"Why?" Barbara asked wiping the tears from her eyes.
"Dad said that I could pick out where to eat tonight. I'd like to see if there's a Squid Shack or a Burrito Bungalow nearby," William answered.
"There's a Fish and Chips place two blocks from here and a Taco place four blocks past that," Barbara answered with a smile. It was one of the first things she had looked up when they had arrived there. It wasn't a matter of if he would ask about them, but when he would ask about them.
"Oh, that's good. I wonder which one we should go to," William said thinking about it.
"It's up to you," Barbara said. Looking at the serious expression on his face, she was having a hard time keeping from bursting out in laughter. She was going to suggest getting Frieda to help him with the decision, but was afraid that he'd think she was serious.
"I really feel like a Squid Shack. Is it the one with the good malt vinegar?" William asked.
"Yes," Barbara said.
"We'll go after I call Lucy," William said.
Shaking her head, Barbara said, "I'd give her a few minutes before calling her. I imagine that she's still laughing."
"Oh, did something funny happen to her?" William asked. Barbara fell out of her chair she was laughing so hard.
Ed and William walked down the street with Barbara sandwiched between them. They were headed towards the fish place and William had insisted that they walk rather than ride. The two men were wearing blue jeans and western style shirts that contrasted sharply with the typical shirts worn by the local men. With their cowboy boots and hats, it was very obvious that they weren't from around the area. Neither of them looked like a Druid. Barbara was wearing a business casual suit and a pair of walking shoes.
As a car approached them, William said, "It's really a shame that people aren't more mature."
"Why do you say that?" Ed asked looking over at William.
As the car drove past, a young man leaned out and shouted, "Hey, goat ropers, what are you doing with that fine piece of ass? You should be out chasing sheep or something."
Shaking his head, as the car sped off, Ed said, "Never mind."
"They'll be back," William said. He knew they had been drinking earlier and were looking for a fight.
They had gone about a quarter of the block up the street when the car drove towards them again. It had circled the block. Seeing it, Barbara said, "There they are."
William sighed and asked, "Dad, would you mind turning your back for a minute?"
"I've got a feeling that I'm not going to like what you are going to do," Ed said looking over at William.
"I just need to kill some time until the cavalry shows up," William said earning a puzzled look from Ed and Barbara. He added, "Look at what's across the street."
The car came to a stop and two young men in their early twenties got out. They swaggered over to where William was standing. It was obvious that they had been drinking quite heavily. One of them looked at Ed and then at William. He said, "Looks like we got a Cowboy and an Indian. Let's play a little Cowboys and Indians."
"Hey, Cowboy! We're talking to you," the other young man said tapping Ed on the arm. He asked, "Do you want to play Cowboys and Indians?"
"Turn around old man!"
Looking at the pair in disgust, William said, "He doesn't want to waste his time dealing with you."
"Indian boy, shut up. We're not talking to you," the first young man said. He went to push William with one arm, but William didn't move. The young man was too drunk to care that his effort wasn't successful.
"Maybe we'll just have to scalp you," the other one said.
In a falsetto voice, William said, "I'm so scared."
"You better be scared, Injun boy," the first young man said.
The second guy looked over at Barbara. He grabbed his crotch in an obscene gesture and said, "You need a real man in your life, baby, and I'm just the man for you."
William wanted to laugh, but the two guys were just too stupid. A couple of homeless men wandered over and stood behind the two young men. When one of the homeless men went to step forward, William shook his head. Things had to play out to end for the best. He said, "This is like some sort of scene out of a B movie. Even the dialog is bad."
Barbara watched the growing crowd of homeless men and wondered how long it would take the two young men to notice. Looking over at William, she said, "I'd definitely give it two thumbs down."
Ed watched a couple of homeless men shuffle over to where he was standing. Looking over his shoulder at William, he said, "Just get it over with."
"I'm waiting for more people to show up," William said.
Barbara looked over at William and asked, "Why?"
"I like an audience," William answered as he winked at Barbara.
One of young men said, "Oh, look at the big man talking. He thinks he can take both of us all by himself."
William looked at the pair glad that Ling wasn't there. They'd have been dead by then. He said, "You have no idea what you are doing. You're both drunk and acting stupid. If you don't take control of your lives, you'll end up in prison."
The taller of the two young men stepped forward and sneered, "Shut up, Indian boy."
"Half Feather, are these two bothering you?" one of the homeless men asked.
Another one asked, "Do you want us to make them disappear?"
"We can make it permanent," a third man said. There was a low growl to his voice that scared the hell out of the two young men.
"Or we can just... ," one of the men started to say before he noticed Barbara. He finished his sentence with, "... mess them up real good."
Startled by the voices behind them, the two young men looked around. They were surrounded by more than a dozen homeless men. The men didn't look very happy. In fact, they looked very angry.
Shaking his head, William answered, "Just take their keys away from them and keep them at the Homeless Hotel until they sober up."
The homeless men moved in and grabbed the two young men. Restrained by strong hands, the pair had their pockets emptied through the expedient act of ripping the pockets. One of the young men protested, "You can't do that!"
"They can and they just did," William replied with a smile. His comment provoked a round of laughter from the homeless men. The next twelve hours were going to be remembered by the two young men for the rest of their lives.
Angry about having his pants torn, the taller man said, "I'll sue!"
William looked at one of the homeless men and asked, "Chaser, would you like to spend an evening teaching these young men the law about the use of alcohol?"
"Sure thing, Half Feather. I can wax poetic about matters of a legal nature for the whole night. They don't call me Ambulance Chaser for nothing."
William looked over at a man with a jagged scar across his forehead and tattoos that covered both of his arms. He asked, "Hard Time, would you like to spend an evening teaching these young men the consequences of breaking the law?"
"Sure, I'll be happy to tell them all about what happens to fresh meat in the big house," Hard Time answered while putting an arm around each of two men. For some reason they paled at the prospect of spending time talking to him. Grinning down at their ashen faces, he winked at William and added, "Maybe I'll even show them."
"Great. I really appreciate it. I'm sure that one day they'll appreciate it as well," William said winking at Hard Time. Seeing that the homeless men had things well in hand, he said, "We're going down to the Squid Shack for a bite to eat. I'll swing by the Homeless Hotel later with some gift certificates."
Rubbing his hands together, Chaser said, "Boys, we're having fish for lunch tomorrow!"
William watched the homeless pick up the two young men like sacks of flour and carry them off. Giving his two companions a wry grin, he said, "I think those two are going to grow up very quickly."
Watching the homeless men carrying the two young men across the street to the Homeless Hotel, Barbara said, "I was nervous until I noticed the Homeless Hotel across the street."
"You knew this was going to happen when you suggested that we walk here," Ed said.
"They would have seriously hurt someone later tonight," William said with a sigh and shrug of his shoulders. He stared into the distance for a second. Although most of his life would be filled with labor, one day the taller man would save someone's life. The smaller man would live an unremarkable life, but he'd be happy with it. Looking over at his father, he said, "They are going to change the direction of their lives as a result of this."
Barbara shook her head in amazement and said, "What now?"
"Let's go eat. I think I'll spend the night over at the Homeless Hotel. I haven't visited with the guys in a long time," William said.
Lazlo Zalezac