"I don't like this," the aide said.
He stuck his head through the door, and peered down the empty hallway suspiciously. The door of their prison had opened five full thrums earlier, and then nothing. No one had entered the prison room.
"It is our chance to escape," Admiral 2c1b2t said.
"They are going to eat us," the aide said.
"We can at least fight back," Admiral 2c1b2t replied.
"They are ugly pink fleshy things. You can't trust ugly pink fleshy things. This is a trap," the aide said.
"We're already trapped," Admiral 2c1b2t said.
"I don't trust them," the aide said.
He was waiting for one of the ugly creatures to show up. His fertile imagination provided images of his head being removed and then his body eaten in a most gruesome manner. He looked around wildly with the expectation of an immediate attack. Pink fleshy things were not to be trusted.
"Who said anything about trusting them? I want to go fight them," Admiral 2c1b2t said.
He flexed his claws in anticipation of a good fight. He felt this would be his best chance to hurt the enemy.
"I'm a bureaucrat, not a fighter," his aide said.
"You're a Chitiniodian. You should be willing to die eliminating another ugly species from space," Admiral 2c1b2t said.
The aide said, "I don't like this."
"I don't care. Let's get out of here," Admiral 2c1b2t said.
The two Chitiniodians stepped into the hallway. The admiral stepped out confidently looking forward to a good fight. The aide followed behind thinking that he was starting to get hungry. They both jumped when the door closed behind them.
The aide said, "I knew it! It is a trap."
"We were in a holding cell. That's already a trap. Now we can fight," Admiral 2c1b2t said disgusted by his aide's attitude towards the situation.
A door at the end of the hallway opened.
Admiral 2c1b2t said, "There's an open door down there. Check it out."
"No," the aide said.
"Go look through the door," the admiral said.
"No."
Admiral 2c1b2t said, "I'm not going to tell you a third time."
"If you want to know what is over there, you check it out," the aide said.
All of this talk about fighting translated into talk about dying as far as the aide was concerned. He was more than willing to hang back.
Admiral 2c1b2t scuttled to the end of the hallway. He filled his air sacks and then jumped through the door. He landed in an aggressive posture that would allow him to immediately respond to any attack. There wasn't one.
Searching for an enemy to attack, he looked around at his surroundings. A Chitiniodian shuttle was parked just a few steps away. The door of the shuttle was open. He stared at the shuttle wondering how it had come to be there. He wasn't curious enough to spend too much time trying to solve that puzzle.
He called out, "Come on. There's a shuttle here."
"I don't trust them," the aide said entering the large room.
He had decided that he would rather be with the admiral than alone in the hallway. The door closed behind him. He jumped around to face the door with his claws brought up in the natural defensive posture of his species. It was one of the first times in his life that he had adopted that posture.
"Let's get in the shuttle," Admiral 2c1b2t said.
"You go first," the aide said.
Admiral 2c1b2t entered the shuttle. His aide followed him in.
The admiral said, "Close the hatch."
"Shouldn't we make sure there aren't any traps first?" the aide asked.
"Just close the hatch," Admiral 2c1b2t said.
The aide punched the control for the door and watched while it closed. He crouched down expecting the shuttle to explode. After several clicks passed, he relaxed a little.
"The hatch is closed," he announced stating the obvious.
When he didn't get an answer, he turned to look at the admiral. Much to his surprise, he was alone. His first thought was that one of the ugly pink things had grabbed the admiral while his back was turned.
"Where are you?" the aide asked frantically.
"I'm in the cockpit," the Admiral answered.
The aide reached the cockpit just in time to hear the radio announce, "Hello, Admiral Ugly."
Glaring at the screen that showed the ugly pink thing, Admiral 2c1b2t poked the button for the radio, and then asked, "Who are you calling ugly?"
"You," James said smiling into the camera. He waved.
"You are the ugliest species in the universe," Admiral 2c1b2t said.
"Great. Have we traded enough insults to get down to business?" James asked.
The aide looked over the admirals arm joint at the communications device. There was a visual feed so he could see the creature at the other end. He said, "That sure is an ugly looking creature."
James looked off camera and said, "I'll get to it. We're still trading insults. In case you didn't know it, this is called diplomacy. You can't get down to business until all of the proper greetings have been exchanged."
Admiral 2c1b2t turned to his aide and asked, "Who is he talking to?"
"I don't know," the aide answered.
"He sure is stupid," the admiral said.
James looked back at the camera and said, "Look who's talking. You're a couple cards short of a full deck."
The translation device rendered that as, "You are a few slips of paper, marked with rankings, smaller than the top of a battle ship filled with something."
The admiral and his aide looked at each other blankly.
Admiral 2c1b2t asked, "What does that mean?"
"Who knows what that idiot is babbling?" his aide answered.
"Was that an insult?" Admiral 2c1b2t asked.
James answered, "Yes."
"I thought so," Admiral 2c1b2t said.
"I can come up with some others, it you'd like," James said. "I've got a ton of insults."
"Never mind," Admiral 2c1b2t said.
"I'll save them for later," James said.
"Thank you," Admiral 2c1b2t said.
"You're welcome."
The two admirals stared at each other over the audio-video feed. Finally, James asked, "Are we done insulting each other?"
"I guess," Admiral 2c1b2t answered.
"Good. I've uploaded the details of the cooperative to your computer. I'd appreciate it if you would deliver it to your superior," James said.
Admiral 2c1b2t turned to his aide and said, "He's still talking about a cooperative with us."
"Just tell him you'll do it so that we can get out of here. I'm getting hungry," the aide said.
Admiral 2c1b2t said, "Be quiet. You think with your stomach."
"It is my best feature," the aide said rubbing his claw across his abdominal plate.
Turning to the communication device, Admiral 2c1b2t said, "I'll deliver your proposal, but I can tell you that we'll never enter into a cooperative with an ugly species like yours."
"You would enter into a cooperative with a pretty species?" James asked.
"No," Admiral 2c1b2t answered. He hadn't expected that question.
"I could paint my face blue so that it matches your shell," James said.
"Why?"
"So you might think I was prettier," James answered.
"The only thing uglier than an ugly pink fleshy thing is an ugly blue fleshy thing," Admiral 2c1b2t said.
"I'll keep that thought in mind," James said.
The aide said, "Like he has a mind to keep that thought in."
"Probably has to forget his name to make room for it," Admiral 2c1b2t said.
"Run along now. We'll see you in ten years," James said.
James watched the monitor showing the shuttle moving off into the deep dark reaches of space. He was petting Starman who was nestled in his arms. The Quatyl was purring contentedly.
Sounding like his feelings were hurt, James said, "I don't think that Admiral liked me."
"Why do you say that?" Starman asked.
Ken stared at James. There was a little matter of having destroyed the Chitiniodian battle fleet. That might explain some of the Admiral's attitude.
"I don't think that exchanging insults is something you'd do with a friend," James answered.
Ken said, "I thought I told you that trading insults isn't in the diplomatic manual."
"I was being polite. He started the conversation with an insult. I have to assume that is how they greet each other," James said.
Ken said, "I don't think there is ever a situation in which an insult is acceptable."
"James does that all of the time with me," Starman asked.
Ken asked, "Does what?"
"He insults me. He calls me crazy," Starman said.
"Well, that's because you are crazy," James said.
"Why do you say that?" Starman asked.
"I know for a fact that you have a shaky grasp of reality," James said.
"You can't be serious. If there is anyone here who has a shaky grasp of reality, it is you! The whole galaxy agrees that you don't have any kind of grasp of reality," Starman said.
Ken said, "Starman is right about that."
"You think I'm your pet. That's proof enough to me that you aren't all there," James said.
"You are my pet," Starman said.
James said, "I had the chef set aside some apple sauce."
"Apple sauce?" Starman said getting a little excited at the chance to have a little treat.
"Will you roll over for some apple sauce?" James asked.
"Hold on a minute! You're just trying to get me to do some stupid pet tricks," Starman said.
"No," James said looking around innocently.
"Yes you are," Starman said.
Changing the subject, James said, "I hope they like the surprise I left them."
"What did you do?" Ken asked suspiciously.
Feeling hungry, the aide opened the food locker to check the supplies. Everything looked normal except for a small can with strange writing on it. Curious, he picked it up to examine it better. He shook it, but heard nothing inside. A huge spring-loaded snake leapt out when he opened it.
Five thrums later, the Admiral found his aide on the floor unconscious.