Lieutenant Powell asked, "Do you know what gift James has for the Omagron leader?"
"No," Starchild answered.
Worried, Lieutenant Powell asked, "Did you ask Starman?"
"Yes and he doesn't know," Starchild answered.
"That's not good," Lieutenant Powell said. Hiding what he was doing from Starman was a sure sign that James was about to do something really off the wall.
"I agree," Starchild said.
Ken strolled into the room and said, "Hello, Lieutenant Powell."
"Hello, Commander," Lieutenant Power said.
Taking a seat, Ken looked around the room. Lieutenant Powell was playing with a pencil in a rather distracted manner. Ken asked, "What's the matter?"
Lieutenant Powell said, "I was wondering what James has brought for the Omgaron leader."
"Whatever it is, they'll love it," Ken said dismissively. He wasn't worried about the impression James would make on the aliens. It seemed to him that James just understood the aliens better than any other human. For some reason, they liked him.
"You sound confident," Lieutenant Powell said.
"I am," Ken said.
"I'm not," Lieutenant Powell said.
"Neither am I," Starchild said.
Ken shook his head and said, "You think James is stupid, don't you?"
"Not really," Lieutenant Powell said. He tended to view James like a loose cannon that rolled across the deck of ship according to the dictates of waves while leaving a swath of destruction behind it. He felt that it was his job to clean up after him.
"James is probably the most brilliant man I've ever met," Ken said.
"He's undisciplined," Lieutenant Powell said.
Ken laughed at the characterization of James and said, "I'll grant you that. He's definitely not a military man. How he ended up an admiral, I'll never understand and I was there when it happened."
Lieutenant Powell said, "I spend all of my time cleaning up the messes he leaves behind."
"Like what?" Ken asked leaning forward to look directly in Lieutenant Powell's eyes.
Lieutenant Powell said, "Well, like..."
"You can't think of anything can you?" Ken asked watching the young man struggle to identify an instance where James had actually blown it.
The question gave Lieutenant Powell a moment of pause. Shrugging his shoulders, he said, "I can't come up with an example off the top of my head."
"We've got four new fighter pilots who have just been assigned escort duty for our ship. Would you like to know something interesting?" Ken asked leaning back comfortably in his chair.
"What?"
Ken answered, "They were at that Air Force graduation ceremony where James read his shopping list. Would you like to know something else very interesting?"
"Sure."
"They remember his speech word for word," Ken said. He adjusted his position in his chair and added, "I read your speech. I can't even remember what it was about. Every one of those kids remembers every word of the speech that James gave. I find that remarkable."
"Oh," Lieutenant Powell said sitting back in his chair.
Ken leaned forward and said, "James understood what was important to the hundreds of young men and women standing out there in the hot sun. He reminded them that they were one class in a long line of classes to graduate. He suggested that it was quite possible that they could be the last class to graduate if they failed their mission.
"He didn't try to argue logically that they should strive to win, he hit them with their emotions. Those young men and women were thinking of marriage and raising families. A third of them got married between graduating and leaving for their first assignment. He let them know the cost of failure would be the end of marriage and family. He promised that it would be the end of the things they hoped to have.
"He reminded them of what it meant to be human. It is a uniquely human thing to laugh and share good times with friends. His speech wasn't given for the benefit of historians. His speech was targeted at the graduating class. If he failed in his speech, there wouldn't be any historians left after the war to discuss the matter."
"Oh," Lieutenant Powell said stunned by what Ken was telling him.
Ken said, "Let me be blunt, Lieutenant Powell. While you were having a panic attack that James had not read your lousy little speech, he was hitting a homerun."
Lieutenant Powell did not know what to say. His memories of that day were completely different. He remembered it as a total disaster. Embarrassed, he said, "I didn't realize."
Ken stared at Lieutenant Powell with a hard look in his eye and asked, "Do you know what your job is?"
"I think so," Lieutenant Powell answered feeling more than a little uncomfortable.
"I don't think you do. You are his executive assistant. You schedule his meetings, make sure that he has everything he requires for his meetings, and you run interference when others want to impose on his time. You are not his nursemaid," Ken said.
"Yes, sir," Lieutenant Powell said realizing that he was definitely on the wrong side of a superior officer.
"James has been extremely tolerant of you. You would have never gotten promoted under me," Ken said rising from his chair. He looked over at Starchild and said, "Starchild, you told Ann that you were going to train your pet to better handle James. You are failing miserably."
"Yes, Ken," Starchild said trying to disappear in his pet's lap.
James and Starman were seated in the office doing little except waiting for the next disaster to occur. Normally disasters were regular enough that there wasn't much time left over to just sit around and do nothing. Bored, James fiddled with his plastic spider and said, "Something must be wrong with Lieutenant Powell. He has been acting strange. He actually laughed when the snakes jumped out of his desk drawer."
"Ice said that his pet had a long talk with Lieutenant Powell and Starchild," Starman said.
James sat there for a second and then said, "If I remember correctly, Ice has a pet mouse. I can't imagine a mouse having a long talk with Lieutenant Powell."
"No, Ken is Ice's pet," Starman replied.
"Are you sure?" James asked.
"Quite sure," Starman answered.
James frowned while nodding his head. He asked, "Does Ken know that?"
"Ken is much more accepting of his status as a pet than you are," Starman answered.
James sighed and said, "I know. Ann is a little jealous of Kim and how well she trained Ken. Ann is having a very difficult time training me. She says that it is almost as difficult as convincing you that you are my pet."
"I am not your pet. You are my pet," Starman said.
"Such self delusions can not be healthy," James said with concern evident in his voice.
"Pet me," Starman said giving up.
As James stroked Starman's back, he said, "That's the problem with having pets. They are so demanding of affection."
Lieutenant Powell held the little box that represented the gift to the King of the Omagron. He didn't know what was in the box and it concerned him a little. It felt like it was empty. Unlike the ceremony with the Dactites who waited for the visitor to gift the host, the Omagron presented a gift to invited visitors before accepting a gift from the visitor.
James received the box from the King of the Omagron. He smiled when he saw it and held up another little stone. He said, "This is a wonderful gift."
The King, unable to hold back his curiosity, asked, "Why did you ask for a rock?"
Pointing to the rock, James answered, "I have traveled a long distance to visit your wonderful planet. This little rock is a small piece of your home world that I can take with me when I leave here. I can invest my memories of my visit in it. When I hold it in my hand, I can once again feel that I am touching your world. It is a very valuable gift."
The King looked at the little rock and said, "I underestimated the value of this gift. I looked at it and saw a rock. You look at it with eyes that see a whole planet."
James put the rock back in the box and handed it to Lieutenant Powell. He said, "Take good care of this."
"Yes, sir," Lieutenant Powell said thinking over the answer that James had given the King. He handed the other box to James.
James held out the box to the King and said, "King Sandy, this is my gift to you and your people. I hope that you like it."
The King opened the box and looked inside. Puzzled, he asked, "What is it?"
"That is a Fedora," James answered with a smile.
"What do I do with it?" the King asked holding the box up to inspect item inside it. He'd never seen anything like it.
"If one of your advisors will step forward, I shall demonstrate the proper use of a Fedora," James answered.
The King gestured to one of the Omagron standing behind him. The poor little thing stepped up wondering what was going to happen. James reached over to the box and lifted out the small green hat. He placed it on the head of the Omagron and adjusted it so that it was appropriately positioned. He stepped back and asked, "What do you think?"
The advisor was a perfect example of an Omagron. He was a small delicate lizard-like creature that stood about three and a half feet tall. His back was a bright red in color and his belly was bright yellow. The green fedora, perched atop its head, gave the Omagron a rather jaunty look. The advisor stood up straighter and said, "It keeps the sun out of my eyes."
"Ah," the King said. He rather liked the look of the hat. He gestured for the advisor to come over to him. He took the hat and put it on his head. His eyes were much more comfortable with the hat on his head. One of the great causes of discomfort was the unrelenting bright light that nearly blinded them at noon.
James said, "In the bottom of the box are the manufacturing instructions for making more of them."
"This is a wonderful gift. It looks quite attractive and it keeps the sun out of the eyes," the King said. He handed the box over to his advisor and said, "Have them make these by the millions."
"Yes, Sire. That is most gracious of you," the advisor said wishing he had the hat back.
"A Fedora?" Lieutenant Powell said staring at the Omagron. Never in a thousand years would he have thought to give the leader of an entire race a hat. Looking at it objectively, he realized that it was sheer genius to come up with that present. He wondered how James knew.
The lecture hall of the King Sandy University was packed with professors, students, and members of the press. They had all come to meet the much studied Admiral James Kamp. It was felt that James had saved the university from having to shut its doors. The painful possibility of becoming extinct appeared to have been eliminated.
Although the Omagrons had been on the verge of extinction, the population of the Omagrons had made a major upturn as a result of the Human Mating Effect. From around ten thousand individuals at the time the human ship had met the Quatyl ship, the population had soared to fifteen thousand. When the Omagron young would reach breeding age, it looked like the population growth would continue at an even faster rate.
James had been shocked to find out that the university had a course in which he was the only subject of study. It seemed that the Omagrons found his past actions fascinating. There were scholars debating the significance of the plastic spider that he had thrown in the direction of Einke Klein. It took every bit of control that he had not to laugh when Omagron scholars had lined up to take a look at Irving. Ann didn't even try to control her laughter.
Considering the diminutive size of the Omagrons, it was a little tight getting into the lecture hall. James and Ann had to get down on their hands and knees to crawl through the doorway. Junior walked through the door without having to bend over. Despite the awkward entrance, the stage was tall enough for James and Ann to stand and was broad enough for them to move around comfortably.
It was finally time for the panel discussion to start. One of the most eminent James Kamp scholars walked over to the podium and cleared his throat. The Omagron talked in a very high voice using sounds that reminded James of birdsong. In a weak voice, the scholar said, "I would like to show you the earliest film of Admiral James Kamp that we have been able to locate. I think it is a fitting introduction to our visitor."
Listening to Starman translating the speech, Ann groaned when she turned and saw the film that was playing at the front of the room. It was a recording of when James had first arrived on the space station, St. Louis. He was wearing his cape and giving his speech to his uncle. She said, "Oh, God."
"It kind of takes your breath away, doesn't it?" James asked grinning from ear to ear. The joke with his uncle had turned into one on the entire universe.
"Yes," Ann agreed thinking that the historical legacy James was leaving behind was just too horrible for words.
"I'm just too handsome for words," James said adjusting his jacket.
Ann stared at James realizing that he was serious. She looked over at Junior. Her child was standing in that same heroic pose complete with his cape. The diaper ruined the effect somewhat. Shaking her head, she said, "You're too something for words. When I figure out what it is, I'll tell you."
When the film ended, the scholar rose and said, "His first statement to the crowd was, 'Greetings Uncle Arthur. Have no fear, I am here. Yes, I, Super-spaceman, and my wife, Super- spacewoman, have come to protect you from the evil intergalactic hordes on their way to ravage our solar system!'"
"Prophetic words if I've ever heard them. Our life has changed since that fateful day when James met us. He has lived up to his promise of protecting all of us from the evil intergalactic hordes," the scholar said bowing low to James. Half the audience followed his example.
Once Starman had finished translating the scholar's comments, James rose and bowed back. He said, "You give me too much credit. Is there not an Omagron at the table when we discuss what it is we are about to do? Are not Dactites, Engels, Quatyl, Dromat, Andicor, and Gnord seated around the table as well?"
"He is modest too," the elderly scholar said.
Starman nearly choked on translating that. There for a moment the Slathern was making all kinds of unrecognizable noises. As James took his seat again, Stardust commented, "I hadn't noticed that."
"It is very true. I am modest," James said.
"Really?" Ann asked with a raised eyebrow.
Smiling, James whispered, "Don't you recall that I was saying this morning that I was almost perfect in every way? If that isn't an example of modesty, then I don't know what is."
"How is that modest?" Starman asked incredulous.
"I should have said that I was perfect in every way," James said with a grin.
Wondering if his ego was getting away from him, Ann said, "Oh God, give me a break."
The old scholar had continued talking and Starman had not been translating the speech through the Slathern. James said, "Starman, keep translating what they are saying. I'm finding this absolutely fascinating."
Starman asked, "What is so fascinating about this?"
"I'm amazed that they can be so wrong about me," James said while Junior climbed up into his lap. He shook his head and said, "They think I'm some sort of Super-spaceman."
In much the same way that the racing stilts had taken hold of the Dactite imagination, the fedoras had become extremely popular among the Omagrons. Ann thought the lizard-like beings looked rather ridiculous wearing them. It was even worse after James had delivered the designs for sunglasses to one of the leading manufacturers of plastic goods. Everywhere they went the Omagrons were wearing fedoras and sunglasses. The Omagrons looked like characters out of a rather bad movie about blues musicians.
Ann looked over at Junior and the outfit in which James had dressed him. She had nearly died when she had seen it the first time. The little baby was wearing a black suit, sunglasses, and fedora. She couldn't help the words coming out of her mouth, "He looks so cute."
"I'm glad that you approve," James said with a grin.
Junior strutted around the shuttle enjoying the attention. Just about every woman on the ship had declared him the cutest little thing they had ever seen. He looked at his mother and said, "I'm so handsome that it hurts."
James nodded his head in approval and said, "You'll get used to the pain, Junior. I did."
"Oh, God," Ann said shaking her head.
Ignoring the expression on Ann's face, James turned to Lt. Powell and asked, "When is the King supposed to arrive?"
"It will be any minute," Lt. Powell answered looking out the hatch.
"Good, I can't wait to inspect the Omagron fleet," James said. His uncle had assured him that the Omagron battleship was the ugliest and most threatening vessel he could possibly imagine.
The wait for the King wasn't that long — merely three hours or so. The King, acting rather flustered, hustled aboard the shuttle saying, "Sorry I'm late. My advisors couldn't agree on what color fedora I should wear for such an important occasion."
Junior said, "Get a Fedora that includes every color, then they can't argue."
"That's a good idea," the King said looking over at Junior.
James smiled and said, "Do one with squares and one with dots. You don't want them to have nothing to argue about."
The King looked at James trying to decide if he was serious. He asked, "How will that keep them from making me late?"
"It won't," Ann answered giving James one of those looks that suggested it was time for him to be quiet.
"How many advisors do you have?" James asked.
"Six," the King answered.
"Get another advisor," James said. When he saw the King's confused expression, he added, "It will be easy. With an odd number, you'll always have one side being a majority."
"Ah," the Kind said looking at James with even greater respect.
Junior said, "I'm bored."
James said, "From the mouth of babes."
"I don't understand," the King said looking over at Junior trying to see if anything was coming from his mouth.
"It is half a quote," James said shrugging his shoulders.
Even more confused, the King asked, "What happened to the other half?"
"You're supposed to know it," James answered. He would have explained more, but he couldn't remember the other half of the quote.