James strutted through the port like a peacock. Of course, he was wearing his cape. Ann followed James into the space station. As a result of losing a minor bet with James, she was wearing her cape as well. She knew better than to make any bets involving Irving.
Spotting his uncle, James struck his heroic pose. He only held it for a second before opening one of the tiny umbrellas created by the Dromat. He curtsied and said, "I, Super-spaceman, and my wife, Super-spacewoman, have just returned from fighting the invading galactic horde with our wonder umbrellas."
Arthur had been prepared for the cape and the heroic pose thinking that it was a joke that had been overdone. He had not expected the umbrella and curtsy. Unable to prevent it, he burst out laughing. Arthur said, "I think you need to get a swelled head. At least that way some blood might make its way there."
"That's funny," James said with a grin. He said, "There's some hope that you'll get a sense of humor one of these days."
Ann shook her head knowing that this little episode was going to be broadcast everywhere. Looking down at Stardust, she said, "He's going down in history as a clown."
Arthur said, "Let's get over to the bar and you can tell me all about what happened out there."
"Okay," James said.
"Can I take off this stupid cape?" Ann asked.
"I guess," James said thinking that she wasn't really getting into the mood of the moment. She had been quiet ever since the Quatyl captain had suggested that he be put in charge of leading the defense force. He took off his cape with a quiet sigh.
After dropping their Quatyl off at the Quatyl playroom, the trio made their way to the bar. Arthur and Ann were quiet. Much to his surprise, James attracted a lot of attention. People stopped him and congratulated him on the victory over the alien invaders. James leaned over to Ann and said, "You'd think I did this single- handedly. Don't they realize that everyone was involved?"
"It was your idea," Ann said realizing that James had no idea how others had viewed his actions on board the Space Ship Explorer.
"So?" James asked looking at her blankly.
Arthur looked over at James and said, "Almost everyone has seen the data from the Chitiniodian computer."
"They are pretty nasty buggers," James said.
Arthur rolled his eyes at the unintended pun. Seeing his reaction, Ann said, "It comes naturally to him."
"My grandfather was the same way," Arthur said.
"He's my hero," James said.
Arthur pointed to a table and said, "Let's sit down over there."
The group settled around the table. James started the discussion when he said, "I saw that battle star that you're building out there."
"I stole the design from an old movie," Arthur said shrugging his shoulders. He couldn't wait to work with the Andicors to learn about their shielding technology. Given their style of encroaching on territory, they had developed very powerful shields that could take a beating.
"The one in the old movie was bigger," James commented.
Arthur laughed and said, "Bigger isn't necessarily better, particularly when it comes to shielding."
In a very serious tone of voice, James said, "You know that you have to get the weapons systems outside of the shield. You can't shoot through a shield."
"I know," Arthur said surprised at the sudden seriousness that James demonstrated.
James said, "Their tactics emphasize getting as many missiles headed towards the enemy as possible. Shields will have to be up all of the time. That means that you can't fire back."
"I know," Arthur said.
Ann looked over at James and said, "The missiles seem to be able to burrow through the shields."
There were ships still looking for unexploded missiles from the destroyed ship. They needed to understand how the missiles operated. James nodded and said, "That's right. Someone is going to have to invent something that is able to destroy the missiles while they are attempting to penetrate the shields."
Arthur said, "Despite your clowning around, it seems to me that you're serious about leading our forces. I'm glad to see that you are accepting the responsibility."
James stared at Arthur in shock. After ten seconds, he burst out laughing and said, "You almost got me. No one in their right mind would put me in charge."
Ann said, "The Quatyl were quite insistent, James."
"So what? I'm an idiot when it comes to leading people," James said dismissing the comment. He added, "Besides, I'm looking forward to reverse engineering the Chitiniodian missiles."
"James, I don't think you understand. They are putting you in charge," Ann said.
"There's only one thing I can do," James said with a frown.
Worried, Ann asked, "What?"
"I've got to do something really stupid to convince them that I'm the wrong guy for the job," James said wondering what he could do. He looked over at Ann wondering why she was laughing so hard.
A small handful of Omagrons wandered around the space station feeling a little lost amidst the huge number of Humans. The number of humans only reminded them of the fact that their species was nearly on the verge of extinction. There were less than ten thousand Omagrons left and that number was still going down.
The humans were physically intimidating. At three and a half feet in height, the Omagrons felt dwarfed by the humans. There seemed to be so many differences among the humans. The range of colors, heights, and weights among humans was almost overwhelming.
As had become normal for members of that space faring race, all four Omagrons were feeling depressed. Adding to their general air of melancholy was the fact that the humans were making the noises that they had learned constituted laughter. The Omagron hadn't laughed in years.
The four Omagrons were searching for a little bit of space where they could rest without intruding on the spaces of others. It was a problem on the crowded space station. It was always a problem when traveling in space. Thus it was that they found themselves in one of the three landing docks. Looking around, they could see no sign of humans.
Depressed by the harsh metallic environment, Sweetie said, "This will have to do."
"It isn't very nice," Comer said looking around at the metal floor. She preferred a rocky dry environment having experienced it once in her life.
Chirrup sat down on the cold floor and shivered. The room was too cold to be comfortable. He said, "At least we are alone."
"Yes. It feels like years since we've been alone," Salmon said.
Their discussion was interrupted by the sounds of giggling from behind one of the storage cases. Sweetie said, "There are humans here."
"Ignore them," Chirrup said.
When the giggles changed to moans, Comer said, "I don't feel right all of a sudden."
Feeling herself getting warm, Sweetie shifted around and said, "Same here."
"You're looking nice to me," Chirrup said looking over at Comer. He wondered why he hadn't noticed that before.
In the background, the moans had changed to grunts. Comer realized that she was feeling sexual desire. She uttered the little trill that announced interest. Chirrup didn't need a second invitation. While climbing atop Comer, he looked over at Sweetie and Salmon finding they were already in the mating position. As the sounds from behind the storage containers transitioned to a woman announcing her orgasms, the four Omagrons were lost in their own mating activities.
Fifteen minutes later, the couples broke apart. For Omagrons, mating required a huge ritual to get the female of the species into the mood. First the male had to stake out some territory. Then he was supposed to put on a show of wealth to entice the female into his territory. That was followed by days of foreplay in the form of ritualistic dances. They never just started mating. Embarrassed by their actions, they didn't know what to make of what they had done.
It was the next day when Comer and Sweetie realized that they had actually ovulated during the brief mating session. Over the generations that had followed coming under the control of the Quatyl, Omagron females had only managed to lay one egg with each mating session. Sometimes, they didn't even manage that one. Biologically, they were capable of laying several dozen.
It only took ten minutes for the news to reverberate around the Quatyl ship that Comer had laid nineteen eggs and that Sweetie had laid an amazing twenty two eggs. The Earth Quatyl understood immediately what had happened. The other servant races aboard the ship were walking around in a daze. It seemed to them that it was a sign of great change.
Chirrup stood by the Comer's bed staring at the clutch of eggs. Comer was wrapped around the eggs keeping them warm with her body heat. It was Chirrup who broke the silence when he asked, "How did that happen?"
Somewhat stunned by the event, Comer said, "I don't know. I just kept laying one egg after another."
"Nineteen eggs," Chirrup said staring at the impossible number of eggs.
"I know," Comer said. She had tried many times to have a viable egg without any success.
"Are they all good?" Chirrup asked. Too often the sperm were not strong enough to fertilize the egg.
"All of them are good," Comer said. Her mouth was in the tight expression that was their equivalent of a smile.
"I don't know what to say," Chirrup said unable to take his eyes off the eggs. He wanted to run to the radio and announce the event to the universe.
"Sweetie laid twenty-two eggs," Comer said.
"Wow," Chirrup said. Although it was a common saying that one shouldn't count their children before they hatched, he wondered what it would be like to have that many little Omagron children running around the Quatyl space ship. They'd know in thirty chronons.
Arthur and James were in the back of shuttle traveling out to the death star to check out the progress of the ship's construction. James made a humming noise while waving his hands around in front of his body. When his uncle gave him one of those disapproving looks, James announced, "May the farce be with you."
"You remind me of your mother," Arthur said shaking his head.
"Thank you," James said with a grin.
"It wasn't a compliment," Arthur said rolling his eyes. His sister's humor had driven him crazy when he was younger. Now his nephew was driving him crazy.
"Sure, you say that now," James said.
Arthur looked over at James. There was now a bright shiny star on the lapel of his uniform. He said, "It is official."
"Yeah. You'd have thought that finding a plastic spider in her lingerie drawer would have convinced Fleet Admiral Murphy to reconsider assigning me as leader of the defense forces," James said with a sad shake of his head. He had even arranged for it to jump out at her.
"She rather appreciated the effort," Arthur said with a chuckle. He still wondered how James managed to get the plastic spider inside the private quarters of Fleet Admiral Murphy.
Shaking his head, James said, "I'm halfway convinced that Anke Klein warned her that I'd do something like that."
"She's the woman who entered the airlock with the balloons?" Arthur asked.
"Yeah," James said shaking his head.
"I don't think she warned Fleet Admiral Murphy," Arthur said with a grin.
"Why not?"
Arthur said, "I remember when I first met Chuckles. She put exploding ice cubes in my drink."
"Who is Chuckles?" James asked thinking that he didn't want to hear the answer.
"That's Charlene Murphy's nickname. She was quite the practical joker back in Officer Training School," Arthur said.
"I'm doomed," James said wondering how she was going to retaliate. He was going to have to start checking his underwear before putting it on in the morning. There were too many things that could be put in underwear that would turn irritating after about five minutes. A shiver went down his spine as he said, "I never should have put Irving in her lingerie drawer. She's going to get me with itching powder in the underwear."
"I'll mention that to her," Arthur said with a laugh. It was kind of fun watching his nephew sweat a little.
James was quiet for a minute and then asked, "How did she make the exploding ice cubes?"
"That's for her to know and you to discover," Arthur answered laughing at his nephew. At the thoughtful expression on James' face, Arthur's laughter died.
Aboard the battle star, James walked into the dorm that would serve as his and Ann's quarters. It was huge compared to anything else he had seen on a space craft. There were actually six rooms present. There was a living room and a dinning room that was served by a real functional kitchen. There was a bedroom and a bathroom. The bathroom was private. The best room of the whole place was the study. It contained a desk and a meeting table along with the best electronics for briefings. Looking around, James said, "You could swing a cat in here without hitting the walls."
Arthur said, "It would be best if you don't try that little experiment in here."
"Why?" James asked moving into the bedroom. He looked down at the bed. It was a real bed; not something that served two purposes. He knelt down and noticed the lead lined hole under the bed for the Quatyl.
"The cats are threatening to go on strike," Arthur answered.
Shaking his head, James said, "That's such a pity. How are we ever to know how small our rooms are without measuring them with a cat?"
"You'll just have to guess, I suppose," Arthur answered.
"That takes all the fun out of it," James said.
"You're an admiral now. You don't have fun," Arthur said.
James asked, "So where's the briefing room?"
Arthur opened a door to another room and said, "This is the briefing room. It is connected to your suite."
"Nice," James said sitting down at the operators chair and checked out all of the little toys in the room. There was a lot of electronics.
"That's not your seat," Arthur said. He gestured to the one at the head of the table and said, "That is your seat."
James looked at the seat pulled up to an empty space of table. After trying to lift the surface for second and searching for a drawer, he shook his head. He said, "There's nothing fun here."
"I know. This room also serves as the Captain's dining room. The officer staff will meet you here for dinner. The Captain's quarters are through the door on the other side of the room from yours."
"Let's go to the bridge," James said.
"It is across the hall from here and your room," Arthur said gesturing the way out of the room.
James looked at the chair he was supposed to occupy. He frowned and said, "There are no buttons for me to push."
"You're the Admiral. There is no need for you to push buttons," Arthur said.
"This is not right," James said staring at the chair. It was off to the side and behind the captain's chair. He looked at Arthur and said, "I want buttons on this chair."
"What kind of buttons?" Arthur asked rolling his eyes.
"How about buttons to adjust the chair?"
Arthur shook his head and said, "I can manage that."
"Thank you," James said. He sat down in the chair and shook his head. He sighed and then said, "I really don't want to do this."
"The Quatyl insisted. In fact, your colleagues of rank were pretty impressed by how you took care of the invaders," Arthur said.
"You don't ruin someone's life like that because you have one little idea," James said.
Thousands of light years away from Earth, Admiral 2c1b2t (twelve clicks — one bellow — two thrums) was worried about the fact that Captain 9c1t2c had not reported in. The report was overdue by a tenth of a cycle. It was unusual for a Fleet captain, particularly one with the reputation of Captain 9c1t2c, to fail to report in on time. In fact, the last time that had happened was sixty-three cycles ago and the entire fleet had been lost.
Admiral 2c1b2t went over to his map of the galaxy and examined the location from which Captain 9c1t2c had last reported. The nearest fleet to that location was three quarters of a cycle (almost eleven Earth months) away when traveling at maximum speed. It was not that unusual for fleets to get that separated from each other. Space was big and the planets infested with intelligent life forms were few and far between.
He studied the region of space trying to estimate the area in which Captain 9c1t2c could be located. It was a huge volume filled with hundreds of stars. Turning to his aide, Admiral 2c1b2t said, "Send a fleet to investigate the disappearance of Captain 9c1t2c."
"Yes, sir," the aide said.
"Tell them I want reports every twentieth of a cycle," Admiral 2c1b2t said. If this fleet was lost, they'd have a much better idea where to send the rest of his forces. It had been too many cycles since he had a chance to bomb a planet. All he needed was one more to get promoted to Lord. He was one of four Admirals at that rank.
"Yes, sir," the aide said.
Admiral 2c1b2t thought about the experience of Captain 9c1t2c. The idea that a fleet captain of his caliber could run into something that he couldn't handle was intriguing. If he had lost one or two ships, he would have reported it. The only explanation was that the entire fleet had been destroyed.
Admiral 2c1b2t stood there clicking his mandibles together thinking about the situation. He turned to his aide and said, "Gather my fleet. We are going to start heading in that direction."
"Yes, sir," the aide said.
"Well, get to it," Admiral 2c1b2t said.
"Yes, sir," the aide said before scurrying out of the room. He knew that the news that Admiral 2c1b2t was going to move his fleet would echo across the empire within hours. Other admirals would wait and watch to see if they had a chance to join in on the action. Other hunter fleets in the area would start to drift in that general direction in the hopes of getting some action before the Admiral's planet buster fleet appeared.
At a hundred times light speed, it would take them nearly fifteen cycles to reach that part of space. To a human, that might seem like a long time, but among the Chitiniodians it was a mere drop in the bucket. A Chitiniodian might see a thousand cycles before considering retirement.
With those few orders, the huge Chitiniodian war machine was beginning to move in the direction of Earth. It would show up a few fleets at a time and swell to the point where any sane civilization would be overwhelmed. Admiral 2c1b2t would get to destroy his third planet. He rubbed his mandibles producing a sound that was the Chitiniodian version of excited laughter.
It was a formal dinner party being hosted by Fleet Admiral Murphy to welcome James to the rank of Admiral. Fleet Admiral Murphy presided over the affair with a seat at the head of the table. Of course, James and Ann were in attendance and were seated to the Admiral's right and left respectively. The guest list included a number of notables from the space station including James' uncle, Arthur, and Arthur's wife, Emily, with Arthur seated next to Ann and Emily seated beside James. Captain Klein, Anke Klein, Ken, and Kim had been invited as well, but were seated at the far end of the table.
Holding a pair of silver tongs with an ice cube that had been removed from a silver ice bucket, Fleet Admiral Murphy asked, "Would you like some ice in your water?"
James shook his head and answered, "No thank you."
"Are you sure?" she asked smiling at James.
"I'm quite sure," James answered eyeing the ice cube with suspicion. He wasn't going to fall for an exploding ice cube trick.
"This is my favorite wine," Fleet Admiral Murphy said as she took a sip from her wine glass.
"It looks good," James said not having tasted it yet. He wondered if there wasn't some sort of one-two punch thing going on here. She'd give him some salted wine and when he went to drink some water, the ice cubes would explode.
"You seem a little tense," Fleet Admiral Murphy said.
"I'm just not used to wearing an Admiral's uniform," James said. He was dressed in formal dress uniform for the first time. Fleet Admiral Murphy had it delivered to his quarters earlier that day along with the invitation to attend a formal meal. He had of course checked the uniform for any sign of hidden chemicals that might cause embarrassment.
She smiled at him and said, "Understandable. If I recall correctly, you weren't in the military until your commission."
"Right," James said squirming a little at the subject of the conversation.
"It seems to me that you worked pretty hard to discourage getting commissioned," she said watching him with an amused expression on her face.
Shrugging his shoulders, James said, "Apparently, I didn't work hard enough."
Turning to Ann, Fleet Admiral Murphy asked, "What do you think about his new position? You must be thrilled."
Ann fidgeted and answered, "I wouldn't word it that way."
James said, "She feels a bit like I do. This is a major mistake."
Fleet Admiral Murphy held up Irving and said, "As you may well know, I was arguing against giving you a commission. You see, I thought it was a horrible mistake until this little fellow appeared in my lingerie drawer complete with a card letting me know who put it there. After that, I became you biggest proponent."
"Huh?" Captain Klein said. It was echoed by just about everyone who knew James. The startled outbursts echoed down the table bringing a small titter of laughter from those who only knew James by reputation.
"Yes. To tell the truth, the resourcefulness and ingenuity required to pull off a stunt like that really impressed me," she answered.
"I sacrificed poor Irving for nothing," James said slumping in his chair.
"You're kidding," Ann said staring at the Admiral.
"Who is Irving?" the Admiral asked wondering if someone had gotten in trouble as a result of James' trick.
Ann answered, "The plastic spider."
"He named it?" Arthur asked.
Ann rolled her eyes and said, "He's had it forever. You should have heard him carry on about sacrificing Irving for the sake of all of humanity. It was all quite melodramatic."
Depressed, James reached over and grabbed the glass of wine. He took a big drink and then noticed the expression on his uncle's face. Arthur nudged Ann in the side with his elbow. She looked at James and a big grin crossed her face. Arthur said, "Poor James, he can't even drink out of a glass yet."
James looked down at his chest. A huge red stain was spreading across his nice new white uniform. Looking at the glass he noticed the little hole in the side. Shaking his head, he said, "I can't believe I fell for the oldest trick in the book."
"I thought you'd appreciate it," Fleet Admiral Murphy said with a laugh.
"I do," James said with a weak smile.
She handed James the spider and said, "You can have Irving back."
"There's no need to do that," Ann said sorry to see Irving returned.
Lazlo Zalezac