James examined the sensor display for a minute and then announced, "At the speed they have, they'll be here in ten days."
"Thank you," Captain Klein said.
"They might speed up their arrival," James said. After watching the enemy make a minor detour, he said, "I had better write a program to plot the most likely trajectory the mystery aliens will take."
"That would be a good idea," Captain Klein said thinking that would keep James busy for the next day or two.
Running his fingers across the keyboard, James said, "Sing your sweet songs to me my little silicon birdie."
"Silicon birdie?" Kim asked. She wondered where he came up with those kinds of statements.
"Oh, yes! You're a good little germanium girl," James said with a million watt smile. He looked up and said, "I've plotted their course. You'll have a running countdown to their arrival."
Captain Klein shook his head before he looked at the results projected on the front screen by James. That program should have taken him a couple of days to write. He asked, "What if they change course and speed?"
"It will automatically recalculate the result," James answered patting the console.
No matter how goofy James was, he couldn't deny that the guy was the most brilliant programmer with whom he had ever worked. Captain Klein said, "Good job."
James smiled when he saw that a new program had been added while he was visiting the Quatyl ship. James tapped a couple of keys and smiled. Looking over at Captain Klein, he said, "I just found a program called self-destruct. Do you think I should run it to see what it does?"
"No," Captain Klein shouted. He turned pale when he saw James start typing. Worried, he looked over at Ken who winked at him.
James started the program. Reading out the messages as they were printed to the console, he said, "Five Four Three Two One Boom."
"He did it," Captain Klein said sinking into his chair.
"Very funny, Ken," James said.
"I thought you'd enjoy it," Ken said.
"I would have added sound effects and flashing lights," James said as he started typing.
Wondering what it would take to get transferred off the ship, Captain Klein turned to Ann and said, "Check how much longer it will be before the additional fighters are delivered."
"We'll get two more in five days and then five more in fifteen days," Ann answered after checking with the space station.
Turning to Ken, Captain Klein asked, "There are seven enemy ships. Are four fighters and this ship sufficient to take care of all seven of them?"
"I have no idea," Ken answered. He had studied the recordings of the attack on the Quatyl ship for hours trying to learn as much from the recordings as he could. The Quatyl had provided him with the feed that had originated with the attacked ship.
"Make a guess," Captain Klein said.
Ken said, "It is hard to say for sure, but their weapons don't seem that advanced. They basically fired on the Quatyl without warning. It still took three torpedoes to destroy the Quatyl ship. As far as I can tell, one of our nukes could take out a Quatyl ship."
"What does that tell you?" Captain Klein asked.
Kim answered, "They might be gung ho to kill, but they are amateurs."
"Why do you say that?" Captain Klein asked looking over at her.
She answered, "They had the Quatyl out numbered, but they destroyed them rather than take the ship. If they destroy every ship they encounter, then they can't be incorporating alien technology into their ships. Anyone that doesn't take advantage of an opportunity to study their opponent is an amateur when it comes to war."
"That's true," James said nodding his head in agreement.
"What do you know about that?" Captain Klein asked rolling his eyes. James was the last person he would turn to for advice on how to wage a war.
Ann answered, "He didn't get to be a master of practical jokes without studying his victims."
"How about saying stupid things? Did he study that too?" Captain Klein asked.
Ann shook her head and answered, "No. He comes by that naturally."
"Hey!"
"I'd believe that," Captain Klein said. He looked at everyone on the bridge and asked, "Does anyone have a suggestion about how we handle the aliens?"
Everyone looked from one person to the next. Finally, James said, "We need to surprise them with overwhelming force."
"How do you suggest we do that?" Captain Klein asked. The Quatyl had two unarmed ships and they were the only Earth ship. No matter how many times he did the calculation, it still came out seven to one in favor of the bad guys.
James shrugged his shoulders and said, "We put out lots remote controlled torpedoes. When they start something, we finish it. Some of the torpedoes should be ballistic so that we can recover one or two of their ships after we've disabled them."
"And where would we hide these torpedoes?" Captain Klein asked.
"Why hide them?" James asked rather surprised by the suggestion.
"So they don't know they are there," Ken answered talking to James like he was a simpleton.
"Well, if they don't know they are there then what will they shoot at first?" James asked shaking his head. Answering his own question, he said, "They'll shoot at us? I don't think I like that idea."
"He's got a point," Kim said hating the idea that she agreed with him.
"It is even a good one," Ann said.
Ken said, "It does make sense to give them something else to shoot at first. We could build torpedoes a whole lot quicker than spaceships."
"Why am I worried?" Captain Klein asked rhetorically.
Getting excited, James said, "The Quatyl ship is full of alien races. I bet that we could use what they know to create some really nasty surprises for the bastards."
Captain Klein groaned and held his stomach. Worried, Anke asked, "Does your stomach hurt?"
"The idea that I'm about to take advice from James is giving me an ulcer," he answered. He wondered if he needed to have his head examined.
"Don't worry. I've got it all under control," James said rubbing his hands together.
"Captain Klein, I'd be worried if I were the enemy," Ken said looking over at James. The last time James had looked like that he had nearly gotten thrown out of high school. He added, "That's the look he gets when he's planning something really big."
"That's bad?" Captain Klein asked.
"It depends on whose side you're on. If you think the balloon trick was bad, you should hear about the one he pulled in high school," Ken said.
James said, "You're not going to tell him that old story, are you?"
"Yes, I am," Ken said.
Knowing that Ken was a lousy story teller, James said, "You know how all high schools have indoor fountains that are intended to provide a nice calming influence on students?"
"No," Captain Klein said. His school didn't have a single fountain anywhere on campus. There was a little hope that his answer would prevent James from continuing the story.
"A hundred years ago a bunch of students started killing other students in public schools. The wonderful minds in government decided that schools needed to be softer gentler places. They started putting plants and fountains inside the schools. It didn't help at all, but the tradition remains," Ken explained.
"What did they do about that problem?" Captain Klein asked.
Kim said, "The problem of students killing other students was temporarily solved by periodic psychological testing to identify problem students and then drugging them to the gills. That worked, but a longer term solution was required. Amazingly, after years and years of study, they found that preventing students from bringing weapons to school had a drastic effect on the number of students who were killed."
James said, "My high school had six fountains. They were really beautiful. They sprayed water high into the air and it cascaded down the sides of the centerpiece remarkably nicely."
"I'm sure they were lovely fountains," Captain Klein remarked.
"Well, one day they started calling to me. As I listened to them burble like fountains do, I realized that they wanted to be a more integral part of the high school experience. Of course, the only one who could make that happen was me and I had to answer the call," James said.
Captain Klein turned to Ann and asked, "Are you sure that he passed the psychological tests necessary to get into space?"
"He aced it," Ann answered with a shrug of her shoulders. She didn't understand how he had managed to pull that one off. The testers had remarked that he was one of the calmest people under pressure that they had ever encountered.
Captain Klein said, "He must have cheated somehow."
James shook his head at the accusation and then continued his story. He said, "Well, I found some liquid soap and added it to the water one day after school."
Everyone on the bridge stared at James wondering what the big deal about that was. Ken chuckled at the memory and said, "All night long those fountains sprayed water in the air. They just created more and more bubbles. For fourteen hours those six fountains created bubbles."
James shrugged his shoulders and said, "I might have added a little too much soap."
Ken laughed and said, "When they opened the doors in the morning, a solid wall of foam spilled out of the school. It took them all day to get rid of all of those bubbles."
"You've got to admit that everyone laughed," James said.
"Does anyone have a better idea on how we can deal with the aliens?" Captain Klein asked while he stared at the floor. When no one answered, he added, "Please."
None of the Quatyl could believe that the beasts were working so actively to meet the new aliens. When they couldn't make as many of the torpedoes as was desired, they had been asked to create huge structures covered with thin metallic foil. The Quatyl couldn't believe that the beasts wanted craft with such huge radar signatures built. Their first instinct was to hide, not to advertise that they were there.
All of the servant species were a little worried about what the beasts were asking them to do. There didn't seem to be any logic in their approach. The interesting thing was that each species differed in what they considered to be the logical approach in dealing with the enemies.
The Dactites didn't care about the logic of the response. They tended to flee when the odds of winning were low, but would fight when there was a good chance of winning. They weren't quite sure what the chances of winning were, but they were happy building all kinds of new devices. The Humans had some rather novel engineering practices in which they combined things in ways that were completely different from anything the Dactites had ever considered.
The Dromats weren't quite sure about the logic of the Human approach to dealing with the threat. They would have preferred to use logic to convince the enemy to leave. Of course, having witnessed the sudden destruction of the first Quatyl ship they recognized that if they were dead that they wouldn't have much chance to talk.
There was one thing that the Humans did that the Dromats really appreciated — the devices being constructed for the humans incorporated a lot of levers. They grew very excited when they saw the plans for the façade that was going to be used to draw the attention of the enemy. They didn't know that it was based on the old-fashioned umbrella. When they finally found the plans for the umbrella it became an overnight fashion requirement.
The passive aggressive Andicors thought that the perfect way to deal with the enemy was to build ships that could withstand repeated hits from the enemy and just frustrate them into leaving. The ultra aggressive approach of the Humans was in direct conflict with their notion of how to handle the situation. In discussing the matter, Humans and Andicor came to the conclusion that the other species was completely insane.
The Margots thought that the appropriate response was to charge forward and test the enemy with a quick attack. If the enemy was too strong, then they would flee. The idea of waiting for the enemy to approach was just too timid for them. The idea of not planning on how to flee was viewed as irresponsible.
The Gnord were still trying to frame the problem for solution and hadn't yet decided what they thought of the Human approach to dealing with the enemy. The one thing that they did know was that the idea of staying there scared them.
Ken looked over at Captain Klein with a smile. He said, "We've got four fighters, a hundred giant umbrellas and twenty five nukes out there. Now those are odds you have to love."
"We're fighting them with umbrellas and nukes," Captain Klein repeated. This was the first that he'd heard of the umbrellas. He'd known about the nukes. They had managed to get nine nuclear torpedoes delivered in addition to those on the four fighters. He had thought that was the whole extent of James' plan. Of course, he knew that had been wishful thinking on his part.
"The umbrellas are critical to our plans," James said.
Captain Klein stared at James. He wasn't too pleased to hear that their whole defense relied upon umbrellas. He said, "The umbrellas are critical to our plans."
"That's right. We're going to open a bunch of them now and move so that the bad guys won't know which umbrella we're hiding behind," James said tapping on his keyboard. The screen at the front of the control room showed a picture of the arrangement of umbrellas that he had created.
"So we're surrounding them with umbrellas so that we can hide behind one of them," Captain Klein said staring at the graphic. The umbrellas were arranged such that the handle was facing where they expected the alien ships to stop. Shaking his head, he asked, "Why umbrellas?"
"To confuse them," James said.
"So what do these umbrellas do?" Captain Klein asked thinking that the aliens weren't the only ones confused by the umbrellas. He wondered how he was ever going to explain to Earth that they were was using umbrellas to defend the solar system.
Grinning, Ken answered, "The open parts of the umbrella don't do much of anything except give us something to hide behind and gives them a great big target to shoot at. Because we couldn't build a whole bunch of ships, we needed to give them nice juicy targets."
"We're hiding behind aluminum foil that won't stop a BB," Captain Klein said.
"The handles shoot ballistic loads," James said.
He asked, "What kind of ballistic load are you talking about?"
"Fifty millimeter cannons. They fire one shot each," Ken answered. He wasn't going to comment on the fact that they were using alien technology in the cannons.
"That will just bounce off their ships," Captain Klein said looking at Ken as if he was crazy. He had asked them to coordinate a defense with the Quatyl and they had spent all of that time making umbrellas. He was getting a head ache.
"I know. It's great isn't it?" James replied with a grin.
Seeing that Captain Klein was about to have a stroke, Ann said, "Tell him the whole story, guys."
James shook his head in disgust. He really just wanted to see his plan in operation. Explaining it all up front kind of ruined the surprise. He said, "You're taking all of the fun out of this. I'm really enjoying the way that vein in his forehead is throbbing."
"Tell him," Ann said.
Finally, Ken relented and said, "Okay. Look at it this way. You meet an alien race in the middle of space. You've got no idea what kind of weapons they have. There are a couple of space ships in the middle of nowhere surrounded by long thin cylinders. Suddenly those cylinders open into huge parabolic lens aimed at you. Where do you think the weapons are?"
"Those are the weapons," Captain Klein answered seeing James' logic at last.
"That's right. It is like going to battle and finding the enemy has a hundred tanks. Now while you are banging away on the tanks, the real weapons are being fired at you from completely different locations," Ken said.
"It's like a magic trick. While you're getting the poor slob to look at your right hand, your left hand is removing their underwear," James said.
"That's a visual I could have done without," Captain Klein said rubbing his forehead.
"Think of it as an ambush," Ken said.
Looking up at the display at the front of the room, Captain Klein said, "We've got two days."
The Chitiniodians were an insect-like space faring species. They looked a lot like a preying mantis except their exterior was not made of chitin, but of a slightly softer material. They were a lot like a preying mantis in terms of behavior with the exception that females did not bite the heads off of the males during mating.
The Chitiniodians shared one characteristic with the Quatyl — they were extremely xenophobic. The presence of an alien species set their mandibles on edge. Unlike the Quatyl who favored locating hostile space faring races and hiding from them, the Chitiniodians were on a crusade to eliminate all other alien species. As a species it was hard to decide which their motto was — shoot first and ask later or the only good alien is a dead alien. Their monstrous space fleet had already destroyed eleven space faring races and beaten back another three to a mere shadow of their former glory.
Promotion within the Chitiniodian fleet was basically by the numbers. An officer entered the service as an ensign and served as a weapons specialist. Pushing the button that killed an alien ship counted as one point. After acquiring twenty-five points, an ensign would be promoted to Lieutenant. This was not easy. A ship usually had fifteen ensigns who competed eagerly for each kill.
A lieutenant oversaw five ensigns and a section of the enlisted crew. Whenever one of his ensigns destroyed a ship, the lieutenant acquired another point. Often a lieutenant's success depended upon getting the enlisted crew to position the ship so that it could target the enemy. This required him to cooperate with two other lieutenants since positioning the ship required cooperation among navigation, engineering, and life support.
When the lieutenant reached a hundred points, he was promoted to ship commander. That gave him command of an entire ship. The ship commander was in charge of all lieutenants under his command and communications. He was one ship among seven in a battle fleet. In an engagement in which the aliens were significantly outnumbered, the honor of first shot went to the captain of the fleet. It was only in an outnumbered engagement that a lieutenant could rack up the points towards promotion.
A ship commander had to destroy a hundred alien ships to get promoted to captain of the fleet. The captain of the fleet led seven ships and got credit for any kill by a ship in his command. It was up to the captain of the fleet to search out any alien territories. Years could go by before he found a fertile region of space, but often promotions came fast and furious once that happened.
With another two hundred kills, a captain of the fleet would get promoted to Admiral. That put him in command of a planet killer fleet that was comprised of a hundred ships. Admirals also led a hundred and fifty hunter fleets of seven ships each that would explore an area of space searching for an alien home world.
An admiral had to destroy three planets before he could get promoted into the ranks of government service as a Lord. More often than not, that gave him control of the three planets that had been conquered. With the destruction of the local intelligent species, the planets would be populated by other Chitiniodians and he would begin building a fleet of his own.
The captain of the Chitiniodian 109th hunter fleet of the 11th Admiralty, whose approximate name in English was Nine Clicks — One Thrum — Two Clicks (or 9c1t2c), felt good about having eliminated another alien space ship. He only had to destroy another eight alien ships before he would be eligible for an automatic promotion to admiral. As an admiral, he would be in a position to lead a hundred ships in a planetary bombardment. That had been a dream of his ever since his first molting.
Captain 9c1t2c was the highest ranking captains of the 11th Admiralty. In fact, there wasn't a higher ranking captain in the entire Chitiniodian Space Fleet. He was experienced and had been through some very impressive engagements without suffering even a single loss of a ship in his command.
Captain 9c1t2c had earned the reputation of being invincible. It was a well earned reputation. In the last great battle between the Chitiniodian Space Fleet and the Boggums, nearly three quarters of the Chitiniodian Space Fleet had been destroyed. His fleet of seven ships had survived the entire battle without damage and had taken out the last remaining ships of the alien space fleet.
After eliminating the Quatyl scout ship, the captain had been overjoyed to spot three more ships at a minor distance from his current position. He headed directly towards them. As they approached, there were suddenly the additional signatures of six space craft. Shortly after that, the original three ships disappeared. He assumed that the three ships had fled and a battle fleet had taken their place. Confident that his fleet of seven war ships could handle ten times that number, he didn't give much thought to it other than the fact that he would be that much closer to promotion to admiral.
Upon coming out of high speed drive, Captain 9c1t2c performed the normal pre-battle scan. The initial scan results were rather puzzling. There were six huge craft with signatures so large that they were visible with the naked eye. There were more than a hundred smaller craft with signatures so small that they couldn't be targeted with his missiles.
Captain 9c1t2c turned to the ship commander and, clicking his mandibles, asked, "What do you make of this?"
"It looks like a planetary defense," Commander 4c3t4c (four clicks — three thrums — four clicks) answered.
"There's no planet here," Captain 9c1t2c replied. The clicks had just finished when the sensors showed that ninety-four of the small signatures suddenly mushroomed into huge signatures. Seeing the change, Captain 9c1t2c ordered, "All ships open fire."
It should be said that from the Chitiniodian perspective, the first volley was extremely disappointing. The missiles passed through the electromagnetic signatures without exploding. Captain 9c1t2c, using the Chitiniodian equivalent, said, "What the hell?"
Lazlo Zalezac