Dan realized that he was getting used to working construction when he started coming home ready to do other things. Rather than sitting at his desk or sleeping over the entire weekend, he had started going out and doing his normal weekend kinds of activities. It took away from the time he had free to read. He started reading in the evenings when Tom was at work.
It took him almost three weeks to read the article on the pursuit of happiness. It was a very difficult paper to read and he was going over it a second time to make sure that he understood the ideas in it. He hadn't ever thought about how complex happiness was.
He had expected the article to immediately launch into a discussion about what kind of entertainments and adventures that a person wanted to achieve in their life. He was shocked that entertainment and adventures didn't play a leading role in happiness. Instead, the article began by discussing the kinds of environments in which the person lived.
The first part of the article discussed the importance of the physical environment. He'd never thought about how much the place where a person lived and worked affected them. It dawned on him that there was a reason why people decorated their houses differently from their neighbors. Everyone was trying to create a comfortable environment.
The physical environment of a person included the neighborhood, the house, the furnishings in the house, the climate, and the landscape. Some people were happier in the mountains, while others were happy living around the ocean, on the plains, near a swamp, or hilly regions. Some people were more comfortable living in ranch style houses while others preferred condominiums, cabins, or apartments. Some people were comfortable surrounded by antiques while others wanted modern furnishings.
The physical environment also included the workplace. At first that didn't mean much to Dan, but then he thought about it a little more. His current workplace was outdoors on construction sites. He had to put up with the weather, the dirt, and the noise. That was a far different environment than an office. Spending eight to ten hours of a work day in a place that one disliked could very easily lead one to be unhappy regardless of how much they enjoyed the actual work.
After reading that section of the document, Dan understood why Tom had reacted so negatively to Boston. Tom didn't like urban areas, crowds, or cold weather. He had returned from Boston complaining that he had felt cramped by the environment. The town of Austin was a much better choice for Tom.
While the first section had discussed physical surroundings, the next section discussed the importance of the social environment in happiness. It made the point that the human being was a social animal. Social relationships with life partners, acquaintances, neighbors, co-workers, and strangers were covered in this area.
The idea of a life partner being a social relationship struck him as odd. He had never thought of a wife and children as part of his social life. Somehow, the thought of being married to someone had a different feel to him. As he read the section about life partners he realized that life partners and family were the most intimate kind of social relationship into which a person entered, but it wasn't the only one. A very close friendship was another very intimate relationship.
The key point of this section was that happiness required all forms of social interactions; from the superficial to the most intimate. Failure to take the time and effort to develop all of those forms of social interactions was to deny a fundamental characteristic of the human species. That statement struck a raw nerve in Dan. His history in terms of forming relationships with other people was pretty bad and a lot of that had been the result of being in the wrong social environment.
The next section discussed the emotional environment. After having read the section on the social environment, Dan had thought that the emotional environment had been covered. The example from the article clarified his thinking on the matter significantly. Physically a bus station is just a building and socially it is filled with strangers, but it is an emotional environment. It is filled with tired people who are often on edge after hours of discomfort. Physically a stadium is just a building and socially it is filled with strangers, but it is a very different emotional environment than a bus station.
There was a subtle distinction between the social environment and the emotional environment. Most social bonds were devoid of emotional content, but that wasn't true when it came to friends, family, and significant others. The manner in which the bonds were expressed contributed to the emotional environment. Some folks felt more comfortable with calm subtle assurances of affection while others demanded dramatic demonstrations. What one group might consider as a cold unfeeling household could be viewed by those within it as comfortable. What some considered a warm atmosphere could be viewed as discordant and chaotic by others.
The emotional environment also dealt with pressure, competition, and tension. Some people performed well under pressure while others fell apart. Living in the proper emotional environment was often the deciding factor in happiness. There were serious, light- hearted, highly charged, quiet, and stressful emotional environments. People who thrived in one would wilt and die in another.
From the emotional environment, the article moved to the biological environment. When he had first read that section, Dan had burst out laughing. He thought it was ridiculous to consider biology in terms of an environment. He laughed until the article launched into a discussion about physical fitness, food, and sex. The laughter died on his lips when he considered a life without good food and sex.
After reading about sexual preference, sexual practices, and sexual lifestyles, Dan realized that sex was far more important than just the old in and out. He read how some people created dungeons in their basements to support their role play. There were couples who practiced swinging. Women turned bedrooms into romantic settings that made them feel particularly feminine. People wore clothes to feel sexy.
The article took care to distinguish sex from intimacy. Intimacy was sharing one's feelings and desires. It was about vulnerability. Sex was about the exchange of body fluids, propagation of species, and recreation. Sexual intimacy combined sex and intimacy. Dan read the section wondering why it bothered to make all of those kinds of distinctions until he realized that sex was a biological drive while intimacy was part of the emotional environment.
The article turned to a discussion about intellectual environments. The article presented differences in intellectual environments using the reasons why people bought computers to clarify the concepts. Some people bought computers to keep track of their budgets. They were interested in intellectual activities associated with satisfying their immediate information needs. Information was to provide assistance in the now. Other people bought computers to play games. Their use of it was designed to escape the real world. Still others bought computer to have access to a wealth of information. Their intellectual environment was developed to extend their awareness to a larger context.
The intellectual environment included the subjects of interest to the person. An hour of reading history could be ecstasy or torture depending upon the person doing the reading. Dan realized the truth of that. He was reading this article with an interest far greater than he had ever applied to his homework.
The discussions of environments of importance ended with the spiritual environment. This environment spanned the range from a total dedication to the development of a greater spirit to a complete absence of spirituality. Some people wanted and needed a strong spiritual element in their lives. Others felt that it was a waste of time. The presence or absence of an appropriate place for spiritual development was an important factor in happiness.
The article moved on to discuss how one utilized time. Again, it wasn't so much about what one wanted to do; it was more about filling the time with activities than about the activities themselves. Dan realized that there were significant implications of how one spent their time on how happy a person was.
Activities weren't classified into dancing, working, and other kinds of actions. The article focused on the characteristics of those activities. Some people felt comfortable with tightly controlled schedules while others were more at home with chaotic lifestyles. Were the activities physical or mental? Were they constant, periodic, or chaotic? People needed a little of all different kinds of activities, but the specific blends that were most rewarding differed from person to person.
The article made the point that finding an activity with the right blend of characteristics would lead one to a passionate pursuit of it. The article told how various people called it finding one's bliss, finding one's passion, or getting in the groove. In terms of a career, pursuing one's passion would never feel like work.
Dan had never thought about the pace of life contributing to his happiness. Until that time, his life had been dictated by school and his learning disability. It was a stunning revelation that his happiness could depend how he chose to spent his time by selecting which activities filled his day.
By this point in the article, Dan had figured that all of the main topics had been covered. He was shocked to discover that he hadn't even gotten through half of the article. The next section was about how various life choices mapped across the various environments.
It touched upon what the article called one's life work. The article was careful not to call it a career. The author put being a stay at home caretaker in the same category as an engineer. It has surprised Dan initially, but after a moment of thought he came to agree with that premise. This was about how one spent one's time for the majority of their day. This was about the environments in which one spent the majority of their time. It was about the activities performed. It wasn't about the money earned.
The article didn't talk about the typical categories of jobs. Instead, it talked about the characteristics of jobs. Jobs ranged across the physical, emotional, and cerebral. There were repetitive tasks that didn't tax the mind. There were jobs that involved problem solving, attention to detail, and intense concentration for extended periods of time. Some jobs required the person to shoulder great responsibilities. Other jobs didn't require much more than showing up. Some jobs involved dealing with lots of people while others were solitary pursuits. Some required working in an office while others were outdoors.
No one had ever described jobs to Dan in those terms. Always it had been by subject area. It suddenly made sense as to why Tom was having a hard time choosing a major. Tom didn't know enough about the kinds of things that physicists, chemists, and mathematicians did in their day to day jobs. The fact was that Tom didn't really know what kinds of occupations required those kinds of degrees.
Dan thought about how little he knew of the workplace. He tried to come up with the names of twenty different jobs and their characteristics. He could name jobs, but he couldn't identify their characteristics. It seemed to him that he was going to have to do a bit of research before he could make a real decision about what he wanted to do for a living.
The article moved to leisure time activities. This was the first category that had come to mind for Dan when he had thought about the pursuit of happiness. The discussion on this point was almost disappointing. Then he realized that his leisure time was actually a small fraction of his daily life. The one point that was stressed was that a person should make sure to schedule sufficient leisure time in their life.
There was one fact that couldn't be denied after reading the article. Happiness encompassed very different things for different people. If he was going to be responsible for his own happiness then he definitely needed to understand what happiness meant for him. There were no pat answers to life. There were no universal definitions of success.
It was Friday night and Dan was alone at home after a long day at work. Diana was visiting with some of her friends. Even his parents had gone to a play for the evening. Tom was off on a date with Susan Anderson. Thinking it was stupid to spend an evening alone; Dan rose from his chair and headed out of the house in search of something to do.
Twenty minutes later he arrived at the movie theater in the mall. It was a mob scene as teenagers and adults alike stood in line to purchase tickets. Looking over the screen of available movies, he saw that all of the movies that appealed to him had been sold out. Those that hadn't been sold out weren't really of much interest to him. Given the choice between a children's cartoon movie, a romantic movie, and a horror film, he decided that his best bet was the romance film. He debated if it would be better to return home alone. Not wanting to sit in the house alone, he bought a ticket.
As he stood in line to purchase his popcorn and soft drink, more than one young woman his age checked out his broad shoulders, narrow waist, and tight butt. His job had been a better exercise program than could be purchased in the gym at the mall. Lifting and carrying heavy loads eight hours a day and five days a week had produced muscles. He hadn't realized that he had been carrying heavy bags of concrete mix as easily as he had once carried a five pound sack of flour. The t-shirts that had once hung loose were now stretched tight across his shoulders. He had a dark tan from being outside all day.
Seated in the middle of a nearly empty theatre, Dan watched the movie. He didn't think much of the dialog or the script. Men didn't act like the movie portrayed them. They didn't wear their hearts on their sleeves like the leading man in the movie. At least, he couldn't imagine himself acting in that manner. Then he thought about the emotional environment section of the article. Perhaps some men did act like that.
The movie wasn't a complete disappointment. He kept finding little vignettes that highlighted various kinds of relationships among people. There was a little scene as the leading woman walked down a busy street filled with merchants. She greeted everyone who ran the little stores that lined the street and was greeted back. Little smiles were exchanged that lasted longer than the time over which they were exchanged. At several points in the movie, the leading woman met with her best friend for a heart to heart chat. Of course, there was the whole drama with the leading man.
Dan was leaving the theatre at the end of the movie when he heard, "Dan Parker? Is that you?"
He looked around and spotted Alison Boyd waving to him. He paused and after stepping out of the way of others wanting to leave the theater, said, "Oh, hello Alison."
Alison couldn't believe her eyes. Pasty white rail thin Dan Parker had turned into a tanned muscular hunk. She had always thought that Dan Parker was a nice enough guy, but she hadn't been willing to risk the social problems of hanging around with the school dummy. She asked, "Are you here alone?"
"Yes," Dan answered feeling a little awkward at the admission. Who else except a loser went to the movies alone on a Friday night?
"I almost didn't recognize you," Alison said. She looked over at her friend and they exchanged a nonverbal conversation. Obviously getting the all clear from her friend, she smiled at Dan and asked, "Would you like to join us for an after movie drink at the diner?"
"That would be nice," Dan said. He glanced over at the woman with Alison and asked, "Who is your friend?"
"This is my cousin, Mary Boyd," Alison answered.
"It is a pleasure to meet you Mary Boyd. I'm Dan Parker," Dan said giving her a little bow of the head.
"It is nice to meet you," she answered. She wondered if he might be interested in being her summer vacation fling.
Dan drove over to the diner in his car and waited for the pair of young women. After a short wait to be led to a booth, Dan sat across from Alison and Mary. Once everyone was settled, Alison asked, "So what were you doing at a chick flick?"
"It was the only movie available when I arrived at the theater," Dan answered with a shrug of his shoulders.
"Oh," Alison said thinking that it was a rather lame reason to sit through the kind of movie men normally hated. She asked, "What did you think of it?"
Dan frowned as he thought about the question. He almost started off trashing the movie, but realized that it had been intended for a certain kind of audience. While it wasn't the kind of movie that he normally liked, he had enjoyed his observations about the leading woman. After a moment, he answered, "Well, I found elements of it very interesting. The main character seemed to instinctively understand the keys to happiness. She had an amazing network of support with her friends, acquaintances, and family. I think that her unhappiness over the leading man was a little exaggerated, but that was important for the film."
Expecting to hear that it could have used a chase scene or something equally testosterone driven, Mary sat up a little straighter and studied Dan with a lot more interest. Curious, she asked, "Are you thinking of becoming a psychologist or something?"
"No. I was just reading an article that discussed social and emotional environments. I recognized some of the things that were described in the article in the movie," Dan answered.
Hearing Dan talk about having read an article, Alison said, "I thought you couldn't read."
"I can read. It just takes me a bit more time than most people," Dan said with more than a little defensiveness in his voice. He waited for her to tell him something nasty about him being stupid.
"Oh, I didn't know that," Alison said. Like a lot of people at school, she had believed that Dan was mentally slow. She had always liked him, but hadn't given him much more thought than that.
"Yes. I have Dyslexia and I have a hard time recognizing words when I read them. I have to take my time to make sense out of the word," Dan said.
Mary said, "I am majoring in education. I've heard about Dyslexia. I understood that Dyslexics have a difficult time attaching sounds to letters so that trying to sound out a word isn't very easy. They said that Dyslexics have to learn how to read in a different way."
"That's true. The earlier it is caught the easier it is to learn better ways to approach reading. Mine was caught rather late so I still tend to fall back on phonetic reading when I encounter words that I haven't memorized. That really slows me down," Dan said. Years of being drilled in sounding out words had created habits that were nearly impossible to break.
"I didn't know that," Alison said looking at Dan and then back over to Mary. She was impressed that Mary knew that much about the subject.
Mary said, "It sounds to me like you've got it under control."
"I've learned to accommodate it," Dan said relaxing a little into his chair. He didn't feel all that comfortable discussing his learning disability, but at least he wasn't being called a dummy.
As was typically the case with recent graduates, the conversation turned to their future activities. Dan listened as Alison talked about going to college to major in education like her cousin. Mary talked about the advantages of a career in teaching, particularly for women. The working hours coincided with the hours that kids were in school. That lessened the guilt associated with being a working mom.
Dan listened as each woman described how she was striving to optimize her happiness for the future. Before reading the article, he wouldn't have framed the discussion in that manner. He also recognized that their approach to the problem was undirected. They were thinking about their career, but not about their lifestyle. They weren't considering the social elements of their lives beyond immediate family. They weren't talking about where they wanted to live. They weren't addressing things like spiritual growth.
He thought about the article and realized that it was giving him a very good tool for directing his thoughts. He asked questions that led the conversation along lines that explored other areas of life. Although they weren't risqué, these were the kinds of questions that he normally wouldn't have ever considered asking a woman. He asked about where they wanted to live. He questioned them concerning the kinds of things they liked to do for entertainment. The conversation flowed easily.
Alison had never had such an interesting conversation with a man. It seemed to her that Dan had really listened to her. He had taken an interest in the things that were important to her. He didn't laugh when she admitted that her grandmother had taught her how to knit and that she actually enjoyed knitting. Nobody her age ever admitted that they knitted.
When it was time for Alison and Mary to leave, Alison slipped Dan her telephone number and said, "Give me a call, okay?"
Surprised, Dan accepted the number and said, "Sure."
"Great. It's been nice talking to you," Alison said with a smile. Mary tugged on her arm to drag her away. The whole purpose of talking to Dan had been so that Mary could decide if he was going to be her summer fling. Mary was a bit perturbed that Alison had made the first move.
"It has been very nice talking to you," Dan said. He realized as soon as the words were out of his mouth that he had been talking with her. He hadn't sat there with his lips flapping and random sounds issuing forth. Smiling he said, "I've enjoyed our conversation very much."
Dressed in his bathrobe, Dan walked into the kitchen to prepare his breakfast. Saturday mornings were when his parents spent a little time for themselves leaving him and his sister to fend for themselves. His father usually went golfing early Saturday morning while it was still cool. His mother usually went to a spa for a weekly pampering session.
Diana was rummaging through the pantry while muttering to herself. He could tell that she was searching for a breakfast cereal to eat that morning. The way that she was grumbling suggested that they were out of her favorite brand. He said, "Diana, I was thinking about making some French Toast. Would you like some?"
Considering that she wasn't particularly looking forward to eating any of the cereals that were in the cupboard, Diana answered, "That would be nice."
"Great," Dan said going to the refrigerator to get out a couple of eggs and the milk.
Diana went to the cupboard to get out the flat bowl that they always used to make French Toast. It was just the right size for the bread to lay flat. After years of preparing Saturday morning breakfast together they had worked out a regular routine. He got the food and she got the implements. When Dan cracked the egg in the bowl, Diana asked, "So where were you last night?"
"I went to the movies," Dan answered. He threw the eggshells away and then poured a little milk in with the egg.
"You were out pretty late," Diana said when he didn't offer any more details about his evening. She had come home from her friend's house to find that he wasn't home. He hadn't returned home by the time she went to bed at eleven. That was very unusual for him. Diana rummaged through the drawer and found the whisk. She held it out for him.
"Well, I ran into Alison Boyd and her cousin, Mary. We went over to the diner after the movie. We talked for a while and had some cokes," Dan answered absently. He took the whisk from Diana and started to beat the egg.
Diana stared at her brother as if he had been replaced by a pod person. She couldn't believe that he had been with a couple of girls or that he would be so casual in mentioning it. Raising an eyebrow, she asked, "You were out with a couple of girls?"
"Yes, I was," Dan answered. Satisfied that the eggs were sufficiently beaten, he put down the bowl. He went to the refrigerator and grabbed a stick of margarine.
"I'm impressed," Diana said staring at her brother.
"Where's the frying pan?" Dan asked looking over at Diana for it. Normally she would have gotten it out by now and put it on the stove.
"Where mom always keeps it," Diana answered not realizing that it was a subtle hint to get it.
Dan handed the stick of margarine to Diana and went over to the cabinet where his mother kept the pots and pans. He found the frying pan and pulled it out. He set it on the stove and turned on the heat to medium. His mother always started it at high and then turned it down. Dan always waited the extra time for the surface to heat up to the proper temperature.
Hoping to catch her reaction, he turned to look at Diana. Dan said, "Alison gave me her telephone number and asked me to give her a call."
"What?" Diana asked shocked by that little piece of news. It wasn't just that he talked to a couple of girls, but one of them actually gave him her phone number. Her big brother must have made a real impression on her.
Nodding his head, Dan asked, "So where should I take her?"
"Uh... the movies?" she asked handing the stick of margarine to him.
Dan used a knife to cut off a chunk of the margarine. He unwrapped the chunk and let it fall into the frying pan. The little paper wrapper stuck to his thumb. He said, "No. We were at the movies last night."
"Dinner?" Diana asked groping for ideas.
"That's not a bad idea," Dan said. He watched the margarine start to melt. He asked, "The Golden Duck?"
"No, that's too fancy. Take her to a seafood place. It is fancy enough to impress and not so expensive as to overwhelm," Diana answered.
"Why not fancy?" Dan asked.
Looking over at her brother as if he was stupid, Diana answered, "She'll think that you expect her to put out. She won't enjoy the date nearly as much as a less expensive place."
"Oh, I didn't think of that," Dan said making a mental note of that little piece of information. He grabbed the bread and set the loaf on the counter next to the egg and milk mixture. It had already started to separate. He picked up the whisk and beat the eggs for a second.
"Do you like her?" Diana asked wondering why he was so blasé about the whole thing.
"I don't know. We had a rather nice conversation last night," Dan answered. The easier question to answer was if he had been happy with how the evening had been spent. He also knew that his reaction and her reaction could be very different. He wasn't even sure if she'd accept an invitation to go out that night.
"Did you kiss her?" Diana asked.
"No."
Diana stared at her brother unable to believe that he was the same guy who had nearly hyperventilated before his last date. She watched him soak the bread in the egg and milk mixture before putting the slice of bread in the frying pan. She asked, "Is this going to be a real date?"
"I think so," Dan answered. He turned and looked at his sister. In a very serious voice, he said, "Wishing doesn't make it so."
Nodding her head, she recognized the line from the article on the facts of life. If you wanted something, you had to work for it. If the opportunity arose, you had to act on it. Hoping that you wanted would miraculously appear didn't work. She said, "I understand. It takes doing something to make things happen."
"That's right," Dan said. He shook the frying pan and said, "I'll call her after we're done with breakfast."
"Call her before lunch," Diana said. Realizing that she hadn't gotten out the spatula she went over to the drawer and got it. She handed it to Dan just in time for him to turn over the toast.
"Why then?"
"You know that she'll be awake. It is late enough to be polite, but not so late as to have kept her sitting by the phone all day," Diana answered. Diana went to the cabinet and got out two plates. She carried them over to the counter so that Dan could put the French Toast on them. Having read the article, she didn't understand how it had changed him so much without affecting her the same way. Curious, she asked, "Does knowing the facts of life give you a confidence that you never had before?"
"It is a part of it. Recognizing what will make you happy lets you know when you should act. Knowing that wishing doesn't make something happen tells you that you have to do something to get it to happen. Accepting that you are responsible for your own happiness will motivate you," Dan replied.
"How do you know that dating her will make you happy?"
"You'll have to dig through my desk to find the article about the pursuit of happiness," Dan said looking over at his sister with a grin. He knew that she occasionally went through his desk. He always figured that it was out of curiosity and didn't mind. In fact, he occasionally left her little notes.
"I will," Diana said looking back at him without embarrassment. She said, "I still don't get it. How did you suddenly become so confident?"
He flipped the toast over and said, "I'll give you a little hint. It is a no lose situation. Even if Alison doesn't become my girlfriend, there is a chance that she'll become a friend or a close acquaintance. What is the downside of that?"
"I don't see one," Diana said.
"Neither do I," Dan said with a smile. There were all kinds of positive social relationships. There was no reason to push a fledgling relationship into more than what it should be.
As lunchtime approached, Dan was in the living room watching the television. His mother was busy balancing the checkbook. Diana was reading a book. His father was still our golfing and wouldn't return until after lunch. After glancing at the clock, he picked up the phone.
Noticing Dan's action, Diana leaned towards her mother and, in a stage whisper, said, "He's calling a girl."
The two women turned to watched Dan dial the number on the slip of paper. They couldn't believe how calm he was as he punched the numbers on the keypad. After a few seconds, Dan said, "Hello. This is Dan Parker. Is Alison there?"
They watched as he waited. Diana leaned over to her mother and said, "Are you sure that is Dan?"
"No," his mother answered. She'd never seen him so confident.
"Hello, Alison. This is Dan."
There was a long pause and then Dan said, "I really enjoyed talking to you last night."
"No stuttering," Diana commented impressed. She had boys calling her and they were always nervous. She could tell the moment a boy said his first word if he was calling her for a date. Unfortunately, the wrong boys tended to call her.
"Well, I wanted to know if you were interested in going out to dinner tonight," Dan said.
"That's great. I'll pick you up around seven," Dan said. He looked over at his family and noticed that everyone was watching him. Shaking his head, he added, "In case you're wondering what to wear, I was thinking that we would go to the Crabby Steak."
There was a short pause and then he said, "Great, I'm looking forward to it, too."
Dan's mother waited until he had hung up the phone to say, "We'll have to go to the mall after lunch."
"Why?" Dan asked.
"None of your shirts are going to fit you," his mother said with a smile.
Diana nodded her head and said, "You'll probably need some dress pants too."
Dan frowned and looked down at his clothes. He wondered if his mother had been washing them in hot water or something. It seemed to him that all of his t-shirts had shrunk. He said, "Don't worry. My t-shirts may have shrunk, but my dress shirts should be fine."
Diana laughed and said, "Silly. That shirt hasn't gotten smaller. You've gotten bigger."
Lazlo Zalezac