"Cousin Lily!"
"Cousin Mike!"
"Cousin Lily!"
"Cousin Tripp!"
"Cousin Lily?" Melinda said feeling faint. She had a feeling that she knew what the next subject of conversation was going to be.
"Did I mention that it is a very large family," Jim said feeling sick to his stomach.
Smiling at Mike, Lily said, "When your girlfriend was trying to make a reservation here, I had to cancel a reservation to fit you in."
"Who did you cancel?" Mike asked out of general curiosity.
"The Governor," Lily answered.
"The Governor?" Melinda asked thinking that she hadn't heard correctly.
"Yes."
"You didn't have to cancel his reservations for me," Melinda said earning a smile from Tripp, Mike, and Lily.
"It isn't everyday that Mike's girlfriend takes him out on their first date," Lily said.
"I'm not Mike's girlfriend," Melinda said wanting to set the record straight.
"Why not?" Lily asked.
"He's an asshole," Melinda answered.
Lily looked over at Mike and said, "She talks just like an O'Connor woman. I bet she's an engineer, too."
"Argh!"
"She is."
Desperate to change the subject, Melinda asked, "Was the Governor upset that you canceled his reservations?"
"He was a little irritated, but I reminded him that the O'Toole clan donated a bunch of money to his campaign," Lily said.
"Cousin George is alright. He won't hold a grudge for long," Tripp said.
"Governor Anders is your cousin?" Melinda asked wondering how many cousins Mike had.
"The Anders clan is full lawyers and politicians," Mike said.
"Cousin George is a real piece of work. He said that he might stop by to meet you," Lily said.
Tripp grabbed Jim's arm and asked, "Would you like Cousin George to perform our wedding ceremony?"
"I don't think Governors can perform marriage ceremonies," Jim said. As far as he could remember it was a Justice of the Peace who did that.
"You might be right," Tripp said. She winked at Melinda and said, "Did you notice that he didn't object? I'm wearing him down."
"This is Jimbo?" Lily asked looking at Jim in surprise.
"That's right. I'm going to marry this sweet talking fighting man," Tripp said hugging Jim's arm.
"I'm not getting married to you," Jim said. He sniffed the air. The odor reminded him of something, but he couldn't place it. It took him a minute to realize that it was Tripp's perfume. He still couldn't place the smell, but he liked it.
Ignoring the denial, Lily took a moment to examine Jim. Finally, she said, "Looks like he's packing a monster in those pants."
"I plan on finding out tonight," Tripp said.
Melinda said, "I'm in hell."
"No," Jim said trying to back away. He was pretty sure that if Tripp got her way that his days as a bachelor would be numbered.
"I'm sure you'll have fun, Cousin Tripp," Lily said.
"I will," Tripp said.
Lily turned to Melinda and said, "You've got such lovely freckles. I'm sure that Mike is going to enjoy playing connect the dots with them."
"Over my dead body," Melinda said.
Lily sighed and said, "She sounds so much like your mother, Mike."
Nodding his head in agreement, Mike said, "Dad was lucky when he found Mom."
Giving a hint at her age, Lily said, "I remember their first date. Your Dad tried a hostile takeover of your mother's company. He figured that his company and Lee Engineering would be an unbeatable combination. Cousin Liz had a very different idea. They met here to strike a deal. The negotiations have lasted for forty years."
"It would be an unbeatable combination," Mike said.
Melinda felt like the world was spinning around her. Lee Engineering was run by Elizabeth Lee; a woman judged by many to be the finest female engineer in the country. Melinda had gone into engineering after hearing a talk by her. Hoping that she was wrong, she asked, "Your mother is Elizabeth Lee?"
"That's mom," Mike answered with a grin. "Of course, that's her professional name. She's actually Elizabeth O'Connor."
"Why are you working for us rather than her?" Melinda asked. She had been crushed when her application to work at Lee Engineering had been turned down. She had taken a position at the aerospace company when the job offer appeared out of nowhere.
"Dad," Mike answered.
"Your father?" Melinda asked.
"I couldn't go work for one or the other without hurting someone's feelings," Mike answered.
Melinda thought about it for a second as the pieces came together. She asked, "Your father runs O'Connor Engineering?"
"That's dad," Mike answered proudly. It was one of the largest engineering firms in the country.
"O'Connor Engineering is a major subcontractor on a dozen of our projects," Melinda said realizing that Mike was probably richer than any of the executives at her company.
Lily said, "I wouldn't be surprised. All of the O'Connors are mechanically minded. Of course, Cousin Mike is the best of the lot of them."
"I wouldn't say that," Mike said modestly.
Lily asked, "Who built a fully functional flying saucer in their backyard when they were in sixth grade?"
"I did, but it was just to replace my helicopter," Mike answered.
Tripp said, "I loved that helicopter."
"You built a fully functional flying saucer?" Melinda asked. She remembered the conversation about the helicopter and hadn't believed that story the first time around.
"Well, it is more like a hover craft. Unlike most hover craft, it can achieve altitudes of five thousand feet," Mike said.
"You're kidding me," Melinda said.
"I was just a kid at the time. I would do it differently now," Mike said.
Lily asked, "Whatever happened to that flying saucer?"
Mike grinned and said, "I take it out to New Mexico sometimes and fly it around Roswell."
"You don't?" Lily asked wide-eyed.
"I just love to read the newspapers afterwards," Mike said with a very large grin.
"You are a very naughty boy," Lily said. She gave him a love tap on the arm.
Melinda said, "I don't believe you."
"Maybe we can fly down there later tonight," Mike said.
"You don't have a flying saucer."
"Do you want to bet? If it flies then you go to New Mexico with me," Mike said.
"If it doesn't, you drop this insane idea that you and I are getting married," Melinda said.
"Deal."
"You're on," Melinda said wanting to prove him wrong.
"Is that a promise?" Mike asked.
"If it is a flying saucer and it flies, then I'll go with you."
"I'm looking forward to it. I'll bring a blanket so that we can land in the desert and watch the stars," Mike said.
"Like that is going to happen," Melinda said dismissively. "Once you've shown me what you are calling a flying saucer, I'll be too busy laughing to go anywhere with you."
"I've always wanted to make love under a star filled sky," Mike said.
Tripp said, "Cousin Mike is going to get lucky tonight."
"No he is not!"
"I think he's not the only one who is going to get lucky tonight," Lily said looking over at Jim.
"I'm going to take Jimbo to the gun range with a couple of the old black powder rifles. I've never met a fighting man who could resist the smell of gunpowder," Tripp said.
Jim sniffed the air catching that familiar scent again. Unable to keep his curiosity in check any longer, he asked, "What is that perfume you are wearing?"
"Do you like it?" Tripp asked with a grin.
"I'm not saying," Jim answered.
Tripp said, "It is Hoppe's No. 9."
"I love the smell of that stuff," Jim said thinking that she was using unfair tactics against him. It was cheating; no man could resist that smell.
Lily said, "You and every other Ables male."
Melinda had heard stories about this room, but had never expected to see the inside of it. It was the private Donaldson room and was used only by invitation. Presidents, royalty, and other distinguished people had been allowed or denied entrance according to criteria that made no sense. She had been dining there once when the Governor and the President of the United States had gone through the polished wood doors.
The entire room was filled with photographs. She went over to the wall and started to look at some of the pictures. Those near the top were almost a century old. Mike stepped up behind her and pointed to the oldest picture on the wall. He said, "That is the only known picture of great-grandfather Donaldson. He had six daughters and no sons."
Pointing to a picture with a young woman and a man in a suit, he said, "The oldest daughter, Anna, married an O'Toole. Peter was a young man just starting out in the restaurant business. This is the original room of O'Toole's. It has been kept in the family for three generations and the fourth generation will be running it before too much longer.
"The second oldest daughter, Donna, married an Ables. Charlie was a lowly captain in the U.S. Calvary at the time, but retired a Colonel. All of the Ables serve in the military before entering law enforcement or becoming adventurers of some kind."
"She was a little lady," Melinda commented. She couldn't keep from observing that Tripp bore a strong resemblance to Donna Ables.
"The third oldest daughter, Susan, married a Connor. Chuck Connor was a chemist back in the day when dye research was big money. They quickly moved over to the plastics industry and made a killing in the early days of plastics. The Connor clan has always kept to the sciences. Steve is one of the first to move into the computer sciences, but he's a wizard at it.
"The fourth oldest daughter, Alice, married my grandfather, Michael O'Connor. I'm named after him. He repaired tractors for a living at the time they married, but he was an inventor in his spare time. He soon had a couple of inventions that allowed him to work fulltime in his basement machine shop. There are still a dozen devices around every household that are based on patents he filed."
"Like what?" Melinda asked.
"That little latch with a spring in it," Mike said. It wasn't a significant invention in the grand scheme of things, but it was the invention that made his grandfather independently wealthy.
"Oh," Melinda said. She was going to have to look it up one of these days.
"The second youngest daughter, Claire, married Walter Anders. He was the mayor of the town at that time. He later went on to hold office in the state legislature," Mike said.
"What about the youngest daughter?" Melinda asked.
"Ah, that was Cybil. She married Doc Sanders," Mike answered.
"Sanders? As in the Sanders' Hospital?" Melinda asked.
"That's the Sanders clan. Doc Sanders opened it and his oldest son grew it to its current size. His other sons and daughters spread across the country. Half of them work in teaching hospitals," Mike answered.
Staring at the pictures on the wall, Melinda quickly figured out that each daughter had five or more children. Their children appeared to have had five or more children each. Based on the number of photographs, there had to be five hundred descendants of Donaldson running around. She asked, "Every one of these is a relative of yours?"
"Every one of them," Mike said.
"Is this a picture of you?" Melinda asked pointing to a picture under that of Alice O'Connor. It was a picture of a young kid standing in front of a flying saucer.
"Yes."
"That is your flying saucer?"
"Yes."
"It actually flies?" Melinda asked.
"Yes it does," Mike answered.
"That's impossible," Melinda said.
"You'll say otherwise when we are watching the stars in New Mexico later tonight," Mike said.
"We'll see," Melinda said although she was beginning to have her doubts.
"Let's get to the table. Our private chef should be here to take our order," Mike said while leading her over to the table.
"Our private chef?"
Mike said, "Only the kids of the O'Toole clan cook for this room."
"I noticed that all of your young cousins that I've met have jobs," Melinda said making reference to Wally and Billy.
"Great-grandfather believed that kids should hold jobs at the earliest age possible. He felt that it was the only way to instill in the young a sense of responsibility and a respect for money," Mike said.
Tripp said, "I started by parking cars here when I was fourteen. I became a guard at the local mall when I was sixteen. I spent four years in the Army and left to start my own protection service."
Nodding his head, Mike said, "I started working in a machine shop when I was fourteen. At seventeen, I started working as a draftsman. Mom and Dad insisted that I pay my own way through college."
"They are filthy rich," Melinda said.
"They earned it," Mike said. He looked over at the door to the kitchen and announced, "We're in luck. Our chef tonight is Jenny."
"She's better than Cousin Dan," Tripp said looking excited.
A woman who looked like a very young version of Lily stepped over to the table. She smiled at Mike and said, "I'm your Chef tonight."
"Excellent," Mike said earning a big smile from Jenny.
Looking at Melinda, Jenny said, "The last time you were here, you ordered the swordfish. I have a nice swordfish steak with your name on it. I would like to suggest the Parchment Baked Swordfish. This recipe is out of this world."
"That does sound good," Melinda said unable to believe that they had remembered what she had ordered the last time she had been here.
"Remember the plan," Jim said squirming in his seat.
"I'll have the Parchment Baked Swordfish," Melinda said.
"She forgot the plan," Jim said slumping down in his chair. He moved Tripp's hand off his crotch and said, "Don't do that. There are children present."
"Where?" Tripp asked.
"Your cousin can't be more than sixteen years old."
"She's an O'Toole," Tripp said dismissively.
Jenny turned to Tripp and said, "Cousin Tripp, you'll take your usual?"
"Of course," Tripp said.
"One Cajun Bayoubaisse coming up," Jenny said.
Mike said, "That sounds good."
Still looking at Tripp, Jenny said, "I assume that you'll want your date to have something stimulating."
"You bet," Tripp said. She flashed a grin at Jim.
Giving Melinda a sharp look, Jim said, "We'll all have raw steaks. Bring the bill when you bring the food."
Jenny laughed. Looking at Tripp, she said, "You haven't got him under control yet, Tripp."
"He's putting up a good fight, but he can't win," Tripp said.
Jenny asked, "Are you wearing some Hoppe's No. 9?"
"Yes."
"He'll be yours in no time," Jenny said ignoring the groan from Jim.
"I know," Tripp said.
Jenny looked at Jim and asked, "How about a simple chowder, steak dinner, and a souffle for desert?"
"That sounds good," Jim said. He figured that if he was going to be stuck here that he might as well enjoy the meal.
Jenny said, "I bet you like your steak medium rare."
"Good guess," Jim said.
"Great, I'll put together the seduction special," Jenny said.
Sitting up a little straighter, Tripp asked, "What's that?"
"I'll start him off with a serving of oyster chowder made from Olympia oysters. They are small, but very flavorful. They are the perfect size for use in a chowder. We all know what they say about oysters."
"I was going to suggest oysters," Tripp said.
"I was thinking of something more along the lines of corn chowder," Jim said wondering if he was going to regret his order.
"I've got a very intriguing topping for steaks that includes figs and truffles. Both of them have long been considered aphrodisiacs."
"That does sound effective," Tripp said.
"That doesn't sound so good," Jim said getting worried about the direction this meal was headed.
"Asparagus is a very sexy food, so I'll serve that as a side to his steak. Back in the nineteenth century, asparagus was served to bridegrooms in order to increase their interest," Jenny said.
"I didn't know that," Tripp said. "I always heard that it made a man's semen taste bad."
"A little pineapple juice will fix that problem," Jenny said.
Jim said, "Aren't you a little young to be talking about aphrodisiacs and semen?"
"Food and sex go together like motherhood and apple pie," Jenny said dismissively.
"Right," Tripp said in agreement.
"We'll finish his meal with a Chocolate Souffle. Did you know that Chocolate is considered an aphrodisiac? It contains a sedative that lowers inhibitions and a stimulant that increases the desire for physical contact. It was such a strong one that hot cocoa was banned from monasteries centuries ago," Jenny said.
Frowning, Jim answered, "I didn't know that."
"Sounds like a perfect dessert," Tripp said.
"This isn't going well," Jim muttered.
Jenny turned to Mike and said, "Cousin Mike, I've got some great venison. Are you up for it?"
"You know it," Mike said with a grin.
Jenny said, "My little sister, Cathy, will bring out some bread for you to enjoy while I prepare your meal."
"When did she start working here?" Mike asked.
"She's been here for three weeks. She started right after her fourteenth birthday," Jenny said.
Mike asked, "Is she working in the kitchen?"
"Yes," Jenny answered with a smile.
"Does she like it?" Mike asked.
"She's a natural," Jenny answered.
"I'm glad to hear that," Tripp said.
Jenny smiled at Mike and said, "She doesn't know you're here. I'll send her out in a minute."
When Jenny went into the kitchen, Mike leaned over to Melinda and said, "When Cathy comes out, don't mention the scars. She's a little sensitive about them."
"What scars?" Melinda asked.
"She burned herself when she was a little girl," Tripp answered.
Mike said, "When she was seven, she tried to surprise her parents by making dinner for them. She had an accident with some grease and ended up with a third degree burn on her arm. It was a nice thought that didn't turn out too well."
"Oh," Melinda said.
"She is Mike's favorite cousin," Tripp said.
"I don't have favorites."
"Yes you do."
"No I don't."
"You're always dragging home wounded strays."
"No I don't."
"What about Sammy?" Tripp asked.
"I like Sammy. He's got a heart of gold," Mike said.
Tripp looked over at Melinda and said, "When he went to college he rented a room near the campus. After graduating, he comes back with his landlord and her son in the back of his car. She's paralyzed below the waist and her son is mentally challenged. They live in the mother-in-law house behind his house that he built for them. Sammy does a little gardening around the yard, but Mike spends more money taking care of them than Sammy could possibly earn as a gardener."
Mike said, "I don't spend that much. Besides, I couldn't leave her there; she was losing her house."
A young woman entered the room and placed a basket of hot bread on the table. She stood by the table waiting for Mike to notice her. It was obvious that she was excited. Mike looked over at her and warmly said, "Cousin Cathy."
"Cousin Mike!"
"Come here and give me a hug," Mike said holding out his arms. The young woman ran to him and flew into his arms.
"I wanted to thank you for the wonderful knife set that you gave me for my birthday," Cathy said.
"How's my favorite cousin?" Mike asked. The pair rubbed noses.
"I'm working in the kitchen!" Cathy said excitedly.
Tripp leaned over to Melinda and said, "If you can't tell, she's his favorite cousin."