Sean and Suzie were seated at the table behind her house. Suzie was reading the nicely printed out poem while Sean was watching pensively, awaiting her verdict of his poetic masterpiece. Suzie was doing her best not to laugh.
Finally, Sean could not hold back a moment more and asked, "Is that not the greatest poem you've ever read?"
"It almost rhymes," Suzie said finding it hard to talk. Every time that she opened her mouth, a laugh threatened to burst forth.
This had been the worst poem she had ever read. She bit down on a knuckle to keep from cracking up. She was lucky that Lily and Sean's mother had called to warn her that he was coming over with a poetry masterpiece. It was hard to believe that it was so bad.
"I was going to footnote the inaccurate descriptions of the flowers, but... ," Sean said. He shrugged his shoulders as if he was unsure about the rightness of his decision.
Suzie said, "There was no need for footnotes. The poem was completely understandable without them."
"Are you sure? I can always go back and add them," Sean said.
In his opinion, she didn't seem all that enthused about this poem. She sure didn't react in such a lukewarm manner to Elizabeth Barrett Browning. She had gone wild listening to that poetry. Of course, so did his parents and observing that hadn't been much fun. He shivered at the memory of hearing their moans.
"I'm quite sure," Suzie said.
Sean said, "Maybe it comes across better if I read it to you."
"Please don't," Suzie said quickly, holding up her hands to stop him. Seeing the hurt look on his face, she said, "I doubt I would be able to control my passions."
"What's the problem with that?" Sean asked. To tell the truth, that was his goal in writing it.
"Daddy is home and he's cleaning his guns," Suzie said thinking quickly.
"We don't want to excite your father. Still..."
Thinking that a little reinforcement might be in order, Suzie said, "Mom was talking to the vet this morning. I think your name came up in the conversation."
"Perhaps it would be best if I didn't read it to you," Sean said while cupping his hands over his private parts in an attempt to protect them.
"Thank you for the lovely flowers," Suzie said deciding that it would be a good time to change the subject.
"I'm glad that you like them," Sean said. "I bought them from the flower lady."
She picked up the bouquet and smelled the flowers. She said, "I like daisies."
"I tried to get them in blue," Sean said.
Surprised, Suzie asked, "Why would you try to get blue daisies?"
"I have recently discovered that flowers have suddenly started changing colors. Roses used to be red, but now they are white, yellow, blue, and orange. I thought violets were blue, but discovered there are violets that are pink, purple, white, blue, and a bunch of colors in between," Sean said.
"So?" Suzie asked.
Sean sat there thinking about how difficult it had been to write his poem. He wondered if other poets had encountered the phenomenon in which the colors attributed to various flowers weren't quite the correct colors. In fact, he was beginning to think it was kind of suspicious.
Suzie noticed that Sean was suddenly distracted. She asked, "What are you thinking?"
Sean said, "Something strange is going on."
"What?"
Sean leaned over and whispered, "Someone is messing with plants."
"What are they doing with plants?" Suzie asked.
"Someone is messing with the colors of the flowers. Before you know it, the bees won't know how to pollinate the plants. Bees will become extinct. Flowers will become extinct. Life on this planet will disappear," Sean said. "It is up to me to discover who is behind this evil plot."
"They are breeding them," Suzie said.
"They?" Sean frowned. Suspicious, he asked, "Who are 'they'?"
"I guess the flower growers," Suzie answered.
"Those fiends," Sean said. He hit the palm of his left hand with his right hand that was clenched in a fist.
"Fiends?" Suzie asked.
Sean said, "I didn't recognize that we had a diabolical plot here in our nice little town."
"What diabolical plot?" Suzie asked.
"The diabolical plot to confuse the bees and thereby end life on this planet as we know it," Sean answered.
"To do what?" Suzie asked with a frown.
Sean said, "They are going to confuse the bees so that they can't pollinate the flowers anymore. Then the bees are going to die off. Once that happens, the plants won't be able to have anymore baby plants. All of the plants will die off. Without plants, every animal will die of starvation. Once that happens, people will become extinct."
"I don't think that is the plan. People just like flowers in different colors," Suzie said.
Sean said, "The flower lady must be a part of this plot."
"I don't think so," Suzie said.
"She's subtle. She's always showing us her spectacular ass knowing that it will distract us from what she is really doing," Sean said.
Suzie crossed her arms and said, "You might want to tone down the talk about other women's asses being spectacular."
One look at Suzie and Sean knew that he was busy digging another hole for himself. Holding up his hands, he said, "She might have a spectacular ass that is known throughout the county, but it doesn't compare to yours. You've got the best ass in the state, if not the country."
"You say the nicest things," Suzie said.
"I'd kiss it all day long if I could," Sean said.
"That doesn't mean what you think it does," Suzie said.
She was about to explain how his comment sounded when there was a loud scream from the area near the path behind Suzie's house. It didn't sound like someone getting attacked. It was more like the sound of a woman getting her bottom pinched. Suzie and Sean turned to look in the direction of the woods.
Wondering what caused the scream, Suzie asked, "What was that?"
"It sounded like a scream," Sean said sitting up straighter in his chair.
A flesh colored blur ran past them and disappeared into the house. It looked a lot like his mother. She didn't appear to be wearing much.
Sean asked, "Was that my mother?"
"I think so," Suzie answered.
"What was she wearing?"
"It looked like a half bra, panties, garter belt, and stockings," Suzie answered.
"She must have lost her dress and shoes somewhere," Sean said. There was more than a little hope in his voice that she wasn't running around dressed like that on purpose.
Another scream sounded. Another blur ran past the table and disappeared into the house. Sean asked, "Was that your mother?"
"I think so," Suzie answered. "What was she wearing?"
"It looked like the same outfit my mother was wearing," Sean said.
"Why are they dressed like that?" Suzie asked.
"I don't know and I don't even want to speculate," Sean said.
Walking along with his hands behind his back, trying to look nonchalant while whistling a nondescript tune, Pip made his way over to where Sean and Suzie were seated. All of a sudden he looked surprised to see the young couple seated at the table. Holding his hands over his chest as if trying to calm his beating heart, he said, "You startled me. I didn't see you there."
"You don't say?" Sean asked skeptically.
"I do say," Pip said.
"It sure looked like you were trying to act like you didn't see us," Sean said.
"Did I say that I didn't see you?" Pip asked.
"Yes," Suzie answered.
"I meant that I didn't observe you. There's a difference," Pip said.
"What?" Sean asked.
"What what?"
"What's the difference?" Sean asked.
"I don't know," Pip said. "There is one, though."
Having watched Sean and Pip get into similar discussions, Suzie decided that it was time to put an end to it. She asked, "How are you today?"
"I'm fine. Isn't the weather loverly?" Pip asked.
"Loverly?" Sean repeated. He wasn't quite sure that he had heard him correctly.
"Yes, loverly," Pip said.
"I'm not sure that is a real word," Sean said.
Pip replied, "Sure it is. It is the perfect word for a beautiful day like today. The sky is blue, the clouds are white and puffy, and the weather is warm. It is loverly."
"We'll take your word for it," Suzie said knowing this was another discussion to cut short.
"We will?" Sean asked.
"Yes, we will," Suzie said.
Pip said, "Listen to her, Sean. She's got more sense than you."
"I still don't think that loverly is a real word," Sean said. There were times when he could be quite stubborn about things.
Suzie said, "That is an unusual coat you're wearing. It is a weird shade of green. In fact, I don't think I've ever seen that color green before."
"Do you like it?" Pip asked. He struck a pose like a male model showing off a Brooks Brother's suit.
"It is definitely a green coat," Sean said.
Suzie asked, "What motivated you to get a green coat? You almost look like a leprechaun."
"It has come to our attention that some women really go for diminutive men who wear green clothes. We're irresistible to them," Pip said. He adjusted the collar of his coat.
"I find that hard to believe," Sean said.
"Believe it," Pip said trying to look very knowledgeable about such matters.
Sean said, "I would have worn a green suit a long time ago if I had known that."
"Tis true. Women can't resist a sharp dressed man," Pip said preening a bit while he was saying it.
"I think I've heard that before. In fact, I think it is a line in a song," Sean said.
"There's a lot of truth in songs," Pip said nodding his head sagely.
"You wouldn't happen to know any good work songs, would you?" Sean asked.
"Not a one," Pip said.
"Hi ho."
Pip looked around for a second and then asked, "You wouldn't happen to know where your mother is, would you?"
"Why do you want to know?" Sean asked.
Pip looked around nervously for a moment. Finally, he said, "I heard that she was hoping to meet a couple of short men wearing green coats."
"Who told you that?" Suzie asked.
"Liam may have mentioned it to us," Pip said.
"My mother did mention something about wanting to attract a couple of leprechauns," Sean said.
Pip said, "Liam said that your mothers were looking to have a little fun with a couple of men wearing green. Well, it was obvious to me what she meant."
Sean said, "So you assumed that it meant you."
"Without a doubt. Of course, poor Chom is convinced that Liam was talking about him," Pip said.
"Where is Chom?" Sean asked.
"I'm up here," Chom said from the roof of Suzie's house.
Chom was wearing a coat that was a sickening pea green. It looked like he had taken a blue coat and dyed it yellow. That was, in fact, how it had come to be that color.
"What are you doing up there?" Sean asked. An even better question might have been to ask how he got up there.
"I'm sure that I saw them run in the house," Chom said.
"That doesn't tell me why you're up on the roof," Sean said.
"I'm just hanging around until your mothers come out," Chom said.
"Why are you waiting on the roof?" Sean asked.
Suzie answered, "He's up there because he knows they won't come out if they spot him."
"That's not true," Pip said. "Nymphs who dress like that want to be chased. That's why they dress like that."
Chom said, "I'm up here so that I can catch your mother when she comes out."
"Maybe she doesn't want to be caught," Suzie said.
"Nonsense. She ran in the house to catch her breath. She'll be out any minute now to let the chase continue," Pip said.
"I can't wait to catch her," Chom said rubbing his hands together. "She's a saucy wench."
"You're talking about my mother!" Sean said.
"Did you see the outfit she was wearing?" Chom asked.
Sean said, "No and I don't want to."
There was the sound of a gunshot from inside the house. Suzie and Sean looked at each other. Sean said, "You did say that your father was cleaning his guns, didn't you?"
"Yes," Suzie said.
"I wonder what's happening inside your house," Sean said looking at the door.
There was a long moment of silence.
Suzie asked, "Should we go in there?"
"I don't think so," Sean answered while looking over at the door. There was no way that he was heading into the house if their mothers were in a near state of undress. "I don't really want to know what is going on."