Sean was grounded as were a dozen of his classmates. Principal Charmers had informed the parents of a number of students that they had left school without permission. Although a few parents were overjoyed that their children were taking a sudden interest in poetry they weren't quite so pleased with the direction that interest had taken. It appeared that the seductive powers of poetry had been missed by an entire generation. Thanks to the dedicated efforts of Ms. Woodhill, the current generation would enjoy poetry and all of the consequent benefits.
Sean's mother and Mrs. Emery had taken the news about Sean and Suzie skipping school without batting an eye. It appeared that neither Sean nor Suzie was the first members of their respective families to skip school. Rather than yell or scream, the two mothers first looked through the book of poetry. There was a bit of an argument as to who would remain in possession of the book.
Sending chills down his spine, his mother said, "My husband will read this to me."
"You can't do that," Sean said turning green.
Suzie nearly passed out when her mother said, "I want a photocopy so that my husband can read it to me."
"I know. We'll have our husbands take turns reading it to us," Sean's mother said with a wicked grin.
"Not that! You don't know what will happen," Suzie said.
Mrs. Emery said, "We could force the kids to watch."
"That would kill us," Suzie said horrified at the idea.
"You can't do that!" Sean shouted.
"Why not?"
"There are laws against it," Sean said.
"What laws?" his mother asked.
"It is a cruel and unusual punishment," Sean said.
Feeling woozy, Suzie said, "That's right."
It was about that point that the real discussion concerning their punishment began. It ended with a simple grounding, but it could have been worse. Sean's mother was arguing that they should use the young couple as Leprechaun bait. Sean wasn't sure what that entailed, but he didn't like the sound of it. The horrible cackle that had accompanied her announcement had really worried him. Suzie had quivered in fear on hearing it.
Terrifying Sean, Mrs. Emery had just voted for a trip to the vet. Suzie didn't seem so worried about that prospect until it was mentioned that Sean wouldn't be the only one getting a treatment. Sean had found himself in the strange position of arguing to be grounded. It was only through negotiations that would have made a Leprechaun proud that he had managed to get them to settle on a simple grounding.
Depressed, Sean had gone to his room to read while Suzie returned to her home under the watchful eyes of her mother. With nothing to do, Sean decided that it was time to read a little of his history book. Opening the book to a page at random, he found a chapter about the discovery of America. He said, "Imagine discovering a whole country. I bet someone got a Nobel Prize for that."
Reading about the voyage of Columbus, the image of Columbus steering his way across the ocean using a compass came to Sean's mind. In terms of mundane things, a compass was actually a pretty magical item in the way that it always pointed north. It got him to wondering if he could do the same kind of thing using magic. Of course, rather than having the compass point north it would be nice to have it point to something that he wanted.
He reached into his pocket and pulled out a paper clip. Unfolding it so that it became a nice pointer, he set it down on his open book. He ordered it to point at the nearest letter 'e' and was quite surprised when it spun around so that the pointer was right over the proper letter. Thinking that he may have influenced it, he closed his eyes and commanded it to point to the letter 'f'. Opening his eyes, he saw that the pointer was right over the correct letter. Smiling, he said, "This is perfect."
Sean stared at the bent piece of paper clip thinking that it wasn't really all that good for his purposes. He thought about the statues and realized that he could make a proper device that would allow him to find things. He pulled out a ball bearing and a small piece of clear plastic from his pocket. Grinning, he went to work ordering them to form themselves into proper shapes and joining together.
After half an hour, he sat back and looked at what he had built. It was a lot like a compass, but with a triangular pointer instead of a long thin needle. It was actually quite nice looking. He had ordered the base to have artistic etchings a lot like an old-fashioned compass. There were even elaborate letters corresponding to the cardinal directions despite the fact that they were useless unless he ordered it to find north. The transparent plastic formed a nice cover.
Deciding to give it a try, he looked around the room trying to think of something to find. His eyes settled on his nightstand. He said, "Find a condom."
The needle swung to point towards the bedside nightstand. He walked towards the nightstand watching the needle with each step. He opened the drawer and the needle was pointed directly at the package of condoms. He stepped to a side and it continued to point to the condoms. He smiled and said, "It works."
Thinking about his problem getting gold, he knew that he held the solution in his hand. He decided it was time to put that problem to rest. He looked at the pointer and said, "Find the closest gold."
The needle turned around and pointed off to the side. He looked at the wall and said, "That's problem. I guess I'll have to go around it."
He walked out of his room and slowly followed the needle. He kept his eyes on the needle getting excited by the idea that it was actually working. Grinning, he said, "I'm going to find some gold and then I'll get the next gift of magic."
A few minutes later, he stopped in the middle of the kitchen. Looking up from his detector, he spotted the gold ring. He reached out to grab it and then realized that it was around a finger. Tracing the finger to the arm and then to the face, he found his mother glaring at him. He realized what had happened and said, "This isn't good."
"What are you doing?" Sean's mother asked.
"I'm looking for gold," Sean answered pointing at her ring. He realized that there was a major flaw in his plan. Although he hadn't thought about it, he was surrounded by gold. Married people wore gold rings. There was a ton of gold jewelry everywhere. People even had gold teeth.
"You're not getting my ring," his mother said covering her hand. She figured that it was time for her to give him his allowance. She knew that he hadn't been desperate for it since he still had a stack of bills in his desk drawer.
"I know," Sean said feeling depressed. He realized that his detector was about as useless as a compass in a magnet store. Even his truck was covered in gold.
"Aren't you supposed to be grounded?" his mother asked.
"Now that you mention it, yes," Sean answered.
"Well."
"Well what?" Sean asked.
"What are you doing out of your room?" his mother asked.
"I'm not grounded to my room. I'm not allowed to see Suzie," Sean said.
"Oh. That's right," his mother said. She muttered, "I still say we should have used them for Leprechaun bait."
"What does that involve?" Sean asked. He couldn't imagine how he and Suzie could be used to attract Leprechauns.
"You don't want to know," his mother said with an evil grin.
"You're probably right," Sean said.
"Well, get out of the kitchen. I've got to finish cooking dinner," his mother said.
"What are we having?"
Sean's mother answered, "Meatloaf."
"Awk," Sean said before he turned green. Holding his hand over his mouth, he headed towards the bathroom hoping to make it in time. Just the idea of eating meatloaf made him sick to his stomach.
Watching him run from the room, his mother said, "I wonder what is wrong with him."
She followed him down the hallway to the bathroom. The sounds coming out of the room were not natural. She frowned and knocked on the door. Sean shouted, "Go away! I'm dying in here."
Sean's mother knocked on the door again and asked, "Are you okay?"
"No," Sean answered swearing that he could smell garlic. He wiped his mouth hoping that was the end of it.
"What's the matter?" she asked wondering if he was suffering from food poisoning or something.
"The idea of eating meatloaf makes me sick," Sean said. It was amazing that just mentioning meatloaf was like an instantaneous return to how he felt that night.
"What's wrong with meatloaf?" Sean's mother asked. Outside of that one little failure, she felt that she made a pretty good meatloaf.
"Blahh!"
"I thought you liked my meatloaf," Sean's mother said.
"Blahh!"
Sean's mother said, "You make one little mistake in the recipe for meatloaf and they won't let you live it down."
"Blahh!"
"The meatloaf wasn't that bad," his mother shouted.
"Blahh!"
"The Dwarves loved the meatloaf," his mother said protesting his reaction to her cooking.
"Blahh!"
"Come on," his mother said. This was beginning to hurt her feelings.
Finding that the bathroom was spinning around on him, Sean moaned, "Stop it. You're killing me."
"I'm a good cook," his mother said crossing her arms.
"Blahh!"
"That doesn't sound good," Sean's mother said. He really sounded sick. She wondered if he had a fever.
Breathing heavily, Sean said, "I've got to recover."
"Can I get you something to help settle your upset stomach?" his mother asked.
"I'll be okay in a minute," Sean said. He took a couple of deep breaths and said, "Just don't mention that poison around me ever again."
"What poison? Do you mean my meatloaf?" his mother asked puzzled by his comment.
"Blahh!"
His mother crossed her arms and stared at the closed door. She tried the handle, but the door was locked. Shaking her head, she said, "Even the mention of my meatloaf makes him sick."
"Blahh!"
"This is ridiculous," Sean's mother said. She asked, "What can I do to help you?"
"Stay away from me," Sean said unable to get much energy behind his words. He was halfway convinced that another offering to the porcelain God would kill him.
"I'll come back and check on you," his mother said deciding that he probably knew best how to take care of himself.
She returned to the kitchen and pulled various medicines for easing upset stomachs from the medicine shelf. She laid them out in a neat row to give him his choice when he returned. She said, "Well, I now have a new way to punish him. Meatloaf!"
She stood there in the kitchen for a moment and said, "Those stupid kids. Why would they skip school to have sex? They know they come home and do that anytime. The principal blamed it on the poetry. I wonder why?"
In the bathroom, Sean flushed the toilet and washed his mouth. Looking in the mirror, he said, "That was a most unexpected turn of events."
On wobbly legs, Sean returned to his bedroom and took a nap. He had dreams of chasing a rainbow with his compass seeking out the pot of gold at the end of it. The Leprechauns and his mother entered the dream and it turned into a nightmare. The Leprechauns were teasing him about not ever finding the gold and his mother was threatening him with finding a pot of meatloaf buried at the wrong end of the rainbow.
Sean woke and made his way out of his bedroom. He met Lily in the hallway. She looked at him with an expression of worry and said, "Mom and Dad are acting weird."
"Weird? How could you tell?" Sean asked with a smile.
"Okay, they are acting weirder than usual," Lily said. She looked down the hallway and said, "It scares me."
This was starting to sound serious, Sean asked, "In what way?"
"I think Mom swallowed a snake or something," Lily said looking worried.
Sean wasn't quite sure how someone would react to swallowing a snake, but he was pretty sure that it would be on the verge of weird. He leaned over and asked, "What did she serve for dinner?"
"Stuffed Cabbages," Lily answered.
"How were they?" Sean asked.
"They were pretty good," Lily answered. She liked her mother's stuffed cabbages.
"No harmful side-effects?" Sean asked.
"No. I feel fine," Lily said shrugging her shoulders.
Sean looked down the hallway and said, "I guess I had better check it out."
"Be careful," Lily said afraid that her parent's condition might be contagious.
"I will," Sean replied.
Sean stepped carefully down the hallway worried about what he would find. He had just about reached the living room when he heard his mother say, "Read that one to me again."
His father said, "I'm going to read the next one."
"This stuff is better than those letters in your magazine," Sean's mother moaned.
Sean stood there wondering what they were talking about. He wondered what magazines his mother was talking about. He stepped into the room just as his father was about to open his mouth. Sean's eyes flew around the room. His mother was sprawled out on the couch. His father was seated in the chair across the room from her. His father said, "She Pleasured Herself to Please Me."
Sean recognized the poem. It was the same one that had Suzie stripping out of her dress when he had read it to her. He shouted, "Stop!"
"What do you mean, stop?" his father asked.
"That stuff is dangerous," Sean said frantically. His mother had started undulating on the couch after hearing just the title. He was going to spend the rest of the evening in the bathroom if his father said one more word.
"What's wrong with reading a little poetry aloud?" his father asked holding up the little book of poetry. He looked across the room at his wife and said, "She's enjoying it. I'm enjoying it."
"Your children aren't," Sean said fully convinced that potential for long-term psychological damage had never been higher.
Sean's father looked down at the book and read aloud, "Mine eyes have seen the glory of her..."
Horrified, Sean looked over at his mother. It looked to him like she was starting to remove clothes. He screamed and ran from the room. He passed a terrified Lily and made it to the bathroom in time.
Lily stood outside the door and asked, "What is the matter Sean?"
"Blahh!"
"Is mom alright?" Lily asked concerned.
"Blahh!"
Looking down the hallway, Lily was very worried about her mother. She asked, "Did some sort of space creature come popping out of Mom's stomach or something?"
"Blahh!"
"You're scaring me," Lily said.
Breathing heavily, Sean said, "Just give me a minute to recover."
"You're making the same sounds you made after eating that meatloaf," Lily said worried about her brother.
"Blaah!"
"Just like after that meatloaf," Lily said.
"Blahh!"
Very worried, Lily said, "Some terrible must have happened to mom if he gets sick like after eating meatloaf."
"Blahh!"
"This really sounds bad," Lily said stepping back from the door a little.
"Just give me a minute to recover," Sean said convinced that he would never be able to read poetry again.
"Maybe I should go check on Mom," Lily said.
"No! Blahh!"
Lily could hear strange sounds coming from the living room. They were the same kinds of sounds that sometimes came from her parent's bedroom when they locked the door in the middle of the day. She frowned upon thinking about what that meant. Even at her young age she knew that there were things children were not meant to see. Listening to Sean, she had an idea what he had seen. She said, "I'm scared."
"Be scared," Sean said weakly from the bathroom. He looked around the small room thinking he had spent way too much time in it that day.
"What should I do?" Lily asked.
"Go to your room and lock the door," Sean answered. He was going to follow his own advice as soon as he was able to get to his feet.
"Bye Sean. I'll see you if we survive this nightmare," Lily said looking down the hallway. The noises her mother was making were getting louder. Afraid to wait for Sean to answer, she fled to her room and closed the door. She crawled into bed and pulled her pillow over her head.
"Goodbye, Lily. Take care of yourself," Sean said with a groan. He used the counter to help stand and stared at the mirror. He was pale. With a little effort he washed his mouth. "I hope she makes it through this."
Taking a deep breath, he said, "I hope I can make it to my room."
He opened the door and headed for his bedroom door. He had just about made it when he heard his mother shout, "More! More! I've gotta have that poetry!"
"This is sick," Sean mumbled as he collapsed in his room. Even with the door closed, he could hear his mother. Feeling like his head was about to explode, he crawled towards the bed. Just as he lost consciousness, he said, "I hope Lily makes it because it looks like I'm a goner."