Sean returned home having left the majority of the odor of garlic behind in the sauna. He would have stopped by Suzie's house on the way home, but his clothes still smelled of garlic. He figured that he would change clothes and then head over to her house. He parked his truck in the driveway and walked around the house. There in the center of the lawn was a construct made of acrylic. He walked over to it and examined it. It was completely different than the thing he had been trying to build.
He looked around, but the dwarves were nowhere to be seen. He sniffed the air and said, "I don't smell garlic. They either didn't eat the sandwich or they aren't around here."
He went over to the door to enter the house and ran into it when it didn't open. Stepping back, he said, "That's odd. We never lock the backdoor."
He knocked on the door. He could hear his mother shout, "I told you a hundred times — there's no more meatloaf! You ate it all."
"It's me," Sean shouted.
"Who?"
"Sean, your son."
"Prove it!"
"You owe me two months allowance!" Sean shouted back.
"I just had to make sure it was you."
Sean frowned and asked, "Who else would it be?"
There was a little rattle at the door. The knob slowly turned. The door opened about an inch which was just enough to make out his mother's eye. She asked, "Are you alone?"
"Yes," Sean answered little around to see if there was anyone else around. The only one in the yard was the gnome and he was still lying on his side.
"Quick, get in the house," his mother said opening the door a little.
Sean found himself flying through the door and landing on the floor. Little feet scampered across his back. He looked up to find his mother shouting at the Dwarves. They were crowded around the refrigerator and wrestling with each other.
Sean shook his head to clear it and asked, "What hit me?"
Chom managed to grab the door of the refrigerator and swung it open. He said, "We've got to have some more of that stuff."
"Get out!" Sean's mother screamed.
"Where are you hiding it?" Pip asked pulling things out of the refrigerator.
"She's hiding it?" Chom asked turning to give Sean's mother a look of distrust.
Pip answered, "She must be hiding it. Wouldn't you hide it if you had some?"
"Yes, I would," Chom answered.
"Hide what?" Sean asked picking himself up off the floor.
Chom said, "If we take him hostage maybe she'll give us some more."
"You know better than that," Clea said.
"She'd never make any of that meatloaf ever again if it meant getting him back," Pip said. He held up a jar of pickles and looked at it.
Chom said, "I forgot. She hates him."
"Hey!" Sean's mother said. "I don't hate him."
"You could have fooled me," Pip said. He opened the jar of pickles and smelled the contents.
"He's my baby boy. I love him," Sean's mother said.
"She does care for him," Pip said drinking the juice in the pickle jar. He belched.
"That makes him a good hostage," Clea said.
"Grab him," Chom shouted.
"Grab who?" Sean asked looking around wildly.
Ten minutes later, Chom was standing in the backyard with his arms crossed. They had fled the house without getting anymore meatloaf. Disgusted, he said, "We should have used a Leprechaun negotiate for us,"
"And share that Ambrosia with a Leprechaun?" Pip asked as if the suggestion was beyond ridiculous.
"We didn't get any of that Ambrosia so what would it matter if we had to share it with the Leprechauns or not?" Chom asked.
Considering the degree of failure their attempt to get more meatloaf had achieved, Pip said, "That's a good point."
"That's the whole point," Chom said shaking his head. "At least we escaped that vile woman who lives inside that chamber of horrors that masquerades as a house."
Thinking about the kinds of things that came out of that woman's mouth, Clea said, "It is hard to believe that she's a mother."
Sean shrugged his shoulders and said, "I was quite proud of her."
"She begged us to let her be the one who tortured you," Clea said looking at him with a puzzled expression. It was impossible to understand how Sean could defend his mother after what they had heard come out of her mouth.
Putting his hands over his stomach, Chom said, "I was never so sickened by anything in my entire life."
"It just goes to show how much she cares for me," Sean said.
"What do you mean?" Clea asked wide-eyed.
"She would have avoided permanent scars. When you are as attractive as I am, you worry about things like that," Sean answered. He took a moment to run his fingers through his hair.
Pip said, "The tortures she described were diabolical."
"She was going to make you to go to an ACME seminar on door to door sales techniques!" Clea said horrified by the idea. Even Genghis Khan had never come up with a torture that nasty.
Chom shivered and said, "That's a fate worse than death."
Looking proud, Sean answered, "You just have to admire her imagination."
"I thought I was going to die when she insisted on forcing you to watch an entire Kevin Coster film festival," Pip said. Just the idea of it gave him a headache.
"We'd have had to watch Dances with Wolverines," Clea said shuddering in horror. No one knew just how long that movie was because no one had survived to see the end of it.
"There's nothing worse than a bad story told poorly," Chom said shaking his head sadly.
"I tell you, she's an evil woman," Clea said.
Chom said, "It wouldn't have been so bad except she kept insisting that we go along to make sure the torture was being performed correctly."
"We were lucky to get out of that house with our lives," Pip said looking back at the house with an expression of terror on his face. He felt a little bad about having climbed over Chom during the great escape.
Rubbing the spot on his back where someone had run over him, Chom said, "Very lucky."
"Kevin Coster," Clea said in revulsion.
Pip said, "I'll have nightmares for a week after listening to her description of the pain that would produce. I'd look horrible with my eyes popped out of their sockets."
Sean said, "She was just warming up. I figure that she would have suggested an H&R Black tax preparation class next. I would have."
"Pure evil. What kind of mind could come up with those kinds of things?" Clea asked.
"Blood would have been running out of our ears after a half an hour of listening to American tax codes," Pip said.
"She would have followed that up by a concert of the worst singers from American Idiot. She would have insisted that they all sing 'I Likes Virgins' by Madame," Sean said.
"Brain damage. That's the effect she was trying to achieve," Chom said holding his hands over his ears at the thought of listening to that song.
Pip said, "It makes spending a year in the digestive system of a dragon sound like a vacation."
"You and dragons," Chom said.
"I hate dragons," Pip said. He spit on the ground.
Sean said, "I would have ended it with a visit to Congress."
"Senate or House of Representatives?" Clea asked wondering to what extreme Sean's mother would take her cruelty.
"House of Representatives," Sean answered.
"Just when I thought it could get no worse," Chom said collapsing on the ground.
"Death would have been the result," Pip said.
"You can say that again," Chom said finding that the world was spinning.
"Death would have been the result," Pip said.
"A most horrible and gruesome death," Clea said.
Pip said, "To think that she insisted that we go with her on that tour of horrors."
Sean said, "Well, she wanted you to know how much pain I would have suffered."
"Evil. We have met evil and it defeated us," Clea said sounding depressed.
"We should have brought in a Leprechaun to negotiate for us," Chom said.
Pip said, "We'll never get any of that meatloaf again."
Sean went over to the acrylic device. He asked, "What is this?"
"That's your project," Clea answered.
"It doesn't look like my project," Sean said.
"That's because your project was poorly designed. The only good thing about your design was the material," Clea said. She ran her hands over the acrylic and said, "This is wonderful stuff. It is like glass but not as fragile."
Chom stood by the device for a second and then said, "I wonder if we can make a car out of that stuff."
"That would be interesting," Pip said.
"A most interesting project," Chom said getting excited by the idea.
They would have discussed the subject more, but Suzie came charging up the path. She ran past the Dwarves and tackled Sean. Showering him with kisses, she said, "The garlic smell is gone."
"Ung," Sean said finding that he really enjoyed the feel of an excited woman squirming around atop him.
Looking down at the young couple making out on the ground, Chom said, "That was a short chase."
"No chase at all if you ask me," Pip said staring at the couple on the ground.
"More like an ambush," Clea said.
"It is supposed to be the man doing the ambushing," Chom said.
"Not the girl," Pip said.
Chom tapped his foot on the ground watching the couple roll around. He asked, "When are the clothes coming off?"
"That's a good question," Pip said.
"I'll ask it again," Chom said, "When are the clothes coming off?"
"I don't think the clothes are going to come off," Clea said. She noticed that the gnome had stood up to watch. Gnomes didn't get to watch nymphs getting caught very often.
Noticing the look of disappointment on the Gnome's face, Pip asked, "Why not?"
"She's a prude," Rose, one of the fairies, said while hovering beside Pip.
"Hello, Rose," Pip said. He hadn't noticed her arrive.
"Hello, Pip," Rose said while being joined by a half dozen other fairies.
Daisy said, "They are such a tease. They are always getting us excited and then leaving us frustrated."
"I wonder what she sees in him," Buttercup said.
"The nymphs said that he is well endowed."
"He caught one of the nymphs?" Pip asked wondering how he had missed that.
"They came back while the pair of them were at it."
"That must have been something to see," Pip said.
Chom said, "I wish I had been there to see that."
Brook, one of the nymphs in question, arrived on the scene with Willow and Mist. She watched the couple on the ground for a second and then said, "She's ruined him for us."
"I find that hard to believe," Pip said looking Brook over from top to bottom. Well, it was close to the top and nearly the bottom. Actually, it was from her chest down to the top of her legs.
"He doesn't even look at us," Willow said shaking her head.
"He just keeps looking at her."
"Rather insulting if you ask me."
"She wasn't too happy to see us."
"They never are."
"That's true."
"They can't compete with us."
"She can."
"I know."
"I wonder what she has that you don't have," Chom said eyeing Suzie with outright curiosity. She did look a lot like a nymph.
"We'll never discover that until she gets her clothes off," Pip said.
Shaking her head in disgust, Rose said, "I find it amazing that they can do the after catch thing with their clothes on."
"She's about to come."
"Any second now."
"There she goes."
"There he goes."
"That's not natural."
Pip said, "You can say that again."
"That's not natural."
Rose said, "There shouldn't be any clothes in the way."
"Sick, I tell you it is sick."
Sean opened his eyes and saw the crowd of magical creatures standing around him. He nudged Suzie and said, "We have company."
Suzie looked around for a second taking in all of the magical folks watching them. She figured the Brownies were probably around somewhere as well. She said, "Let's go to your room."
"Can we come?" Rose asked.
"No," Suzie said.
"They are no fun," Chom said shaking his head.
"After all that work on their project and they leave us out here knowing what they'll be doing in there," Pip said.
"It is rude," Chom said.
Sean said, "My mother is in the house still."
"We'll stay out here for the moment," Chom said.
Suzie stood up and headed towards the backdoor. She said, "Let's go in the house now."
Sean stood up and followed her into the house. His mother was in the kitchen still cleaning up the mess created when the dwarves had rummaged through the refrigerator. She looked up at them and said, "Hello Suzie."
"Hello, Mrs. Michaels," Suzie said.
"What are you up to?" his mother asked.
Suzie said, "Sean is going to take me to his room for a few minutes to show me his coin collection."
Sean's mother laughed at that and said, "The only coin collection that he wants to show you is the roll of pennies that he keeps in his pants."
"Hey!"
"It is more like three rolls of half dollars," Suzie said giving Sean a wink.
"That's nice. I am sure that after all of that time, you have some needs that require his attention. There's no need to rush. We'll be having dinner in two hours," his mother said smiling over at Suzie.
Sean stared at his mother unable to believe what she was saying. He said, "You just told the dwarves that you'd help them torture me."
"I didn't mean it," she replied. She paused and then added, "Of course, it would have been interesting to watch you watch Dances with Wolverines."
"You threatened him with that?" Suzie asked horrified.
"It was to get rid of the dwarves," his mother said.
"How would that get rid of the dwarves?" Suzie asked.
Sean's mother answered, "I told them they would have to watch it too. You should have seen them rushing to get out of the house."
Relaxing, Suzie said, "I can understand that. I would have threatened him with the same thing."
"Hey!"
Looking down at the mess still on the floor, Sean's mother said, "Now run along and do whatever it is that teenagers do when they are alone in a room without any curious parents around."
"Thank you, Mrs. Michaels," Suzie said grabbing Sean by the hand. She dragged him behind her as she headed to his bedroom.
"Lily, turn up the volume on the television," Sean's mother shouted. She had to shout so that Lily could hear her in the other room.
"Is Sean going to be doing perverted things with Suzie?" Lily called back.
"Yes," Suzie shouted from halfway up the hallway.
"No," Sean shouted turning his head in the direction from which they had just come. He was nearly jerked off his feet when Suzie tugged on his arm to get him to hurry.
"It is none of your business what they do with each other," Sean's mother shouted out.
"She sure loves it when he does perverted things with her," Lily shouted.
Sean shouted, "I don't do perverted things with Suzie."
"Just turn up the volume on the television," Sean's mother shouted while holding up the pickle jar. She wondered what happened to all of the juice that had been in it.
"I can't wait to have tons of boys doing perverted things to me," Lily shouted.
"Not until you are thirty," Sean shouted back.
"I'm going to be a cheerleader when I grow up," Lily shouted.
Sean shouted, "No you are not."
Suzie pulled Sean into his bedroom and said, "Enough of that. Now do perverted things to me before I explode."
Sean asked, "Like what?"
"I like that thing you do with the silk scarves," Suzie answered with a smile.