Tom stood in Sean's way from the cafeteria line to the table where Suzie was waiting for him. With a snarl on his face, Tom said, "You're going in the trashcan."
"Really?" Sean asked looking at Tom surprised. He figured that Tom hadn't realized what was being served in the cafeteria that day.
"Yes," Tom said enjoying the moment.
Sean looked over at the trashcans for a second. Turning back to Tom, he asked, "Which one?"
"Huh?" Tom asked rather surprised by the question. Sean wasn't playing the harassed victim as dictated by the victim of a bully script.
"Which trashcan am I going in?" Sean asked gesturing over to the row of trashcans.
Picking one at random, Tom answered, "That one on the end."
"That one on the end? Are you sure?" Sean asked looking back over at the row of trashcans.
"Yes. I'm going to stuff you in it when lunch is over and it is full of trash," Tom said pointing a finger at Sean's chest. He moved forward trying to look intimidating.
"Interesting," Sean said. He held his tray with one hand and fished out a piece of wire out of one of his pockets with the other hand. He dropped the piece of wire on the floor.
"You're going to smell like trash all day," Tom said thinking Sean should have been looking terrified by this time. The problem was that Sean looked like he was having trouble keeping from laughing.
"Oh. That will be a novel experience," Sean said with a smile.
Tom blinked and said, "Don't you get it? I'm going to throw you in a trashcan."
"Yes, I got that. You've mentioned in several times," Sean said nodding his head. He glanced down at the piece of wire and ordered it to affix itself to the handle of the trashcan. It flew across the room.
"Aren't you afraid?" Tom asked very confused by Sean's reaction.
Sean, in an exaggerated manner, looked off to the distance with an expression of concentration on his face. After a few seconds, he looked at Tom and answered, "No."
"I'm going to throw you in a trashcan," Tom said growling. By this time, Sean was supposed to be looking around like a frightened puppy and seeking some direction in which to escape. This standing around discussing the matter wasn't right.
"Okay. I'm going to eat lunch and I'll come back a little later so that we can talk about it," Sean said cheerfully. He stepped around Tom and headed over to the table where Suzie was waiting for him.
Tom stared at Sean's back confused by his behavior. Last year he had been terrified by the threat of getting stuffed in a trashcan. It had been even better after he had put him in it. Shaking his head, he said, "Something fishy is going on."
Less than satisfied with the outcome of his little confrontation with Sean, Tom started to walk to the end of the line to get his lunch. He had only taken a couple of steps when he noticed a strange noise behind him. Curious, he turned around to find that there was a trashcan three feet behind him. He stared at the trashcan wondering how it got there. He took a step away from it and the trashcan slid forward a bit to maintain the three foot distance. He checked to see if there were any wires connecting him to the trashcan, but there weren't any that he could find.
He looked around nervously hoping that no one noticed the rather large trashcan beside him. He stepped over to the trashcan and tipped it over to look underneath for some kind of mechanism that would make it move. There wasn't one. He scratched his head and said, "That's really odd."
Tom went through the line getting his tray and silverware. With each step, the trashcan followed right behind him. The trashcan was beginning to freak him out. It wasn't until he had his lunch plate in his hand that he saw what was being served for lunch. Hanging his head, he said, "The menu said pizza."
"Hey, Tom. What's with the trashcan?" Jerry asked pointing to the trashcan following Tom.
"I don't want to talk about it," Tom answered.
Jerry laughed and said, "I've heard of puppies and cats following people home, but never a trashcan."
"Stuff it, you... ," Tom had to pull a wad of paper from his mouth. Disgusted, he threw it in the trashcan.
"That's a pretty lame trick," Jerry said. He pointed to the woman at the register and said, "You're holding up the line."
Tom moved forward and the trashcan followed him. He paid for his lunch looking over his shoulder at the trashcan. The woman at the register cackled and said, "Enjoy your lunch."
Tom quickly walked to his table and turned around. The trashcan was three feet away from him. With a sinking feeling in his stomach, he said, "This isn't right."
Debbie slid into a chair across from Tom. Leaning forward, she said, "Don't make Sean mad. He's really scary when he's mad."
"What's with you and Sean? You act like you're afraid of the little twerp. He's nothing but a..." Tom's rant was interrupted by a wad of paper flying into his mouth. Growling, he pulled it out and said, "That does it. I'm going to destroy whoever is doing this to me."
"It is Sean," Debbie said inching back from the table. She looked around nervously and said, "He can move things with his mind."
"Come on, Barbie," Tom said pausing to pull a piece of paper from his mouth.
"Don't call me Barbie," Debbie said angrily. She stood up and said, "When Sean does a number on you, don't say that I didn't warn you."
Tom watched Debbie walk off. Shaking his head, he said, "I wonder what's wrong with her?"
Sean and Suzie were eating their lunch. It was school spaghetti which consisted of limp wet noodles drowned in a generic pale red tomato sauce. Sean had covered his with lots of parmesan cheese. Rubbing his hands together excitedly, he said, "This looks positively horrible."
"It is," Suzie said looking at her spaghetti lunch. The noodles weren't even full length, but cut into pieces that were too short to twist on the fork and too long to carry on a fork.
"Still, it is the best thing they make here," Sean said shoveling half of a forkful of noodles into his mouth. The other half of the noodles fell off his fork and onto his lap. He said, "It is better than the pizza that was on the menu. I guess they realized they didn't have enough cardboard to use as crusts."
Deciding that she'd have a better chance of getting the spaghetti to her mouth if she cut the noodles in half, Suzie started cutting the noodles. Looking at them, she decided that they were still too long and cut them into even smaller chunks. Suzie said, "They shouldn't call it spaghetti."
"Even I make better spaghetti than they do," Sean said. He attempted to get another forkful of noodles to his mouth, but they all fell off before the fork left the vicinity of the plate.
"You open a jar," Suzie said. She used a spoon to scrape up the little chunks of spaghetti noodles. She had missed cutting up one long strand and it slid off to land on her lap.
"They open a can," Sean said attempting to get another forkful of noodles.
"You're right," Suzie said. The bad thing was that they left the can out for them to see. The label on it was white with black letters that spelled out, 'Generic Spaghetti Sauce.' Someone had written a little message under the letters saying, 'Your lunch money at work.' She had wondered who had written the graffiti on it until she noticed a pen returning to Sean.
One of the cheerleaders walked past wearing a nice dress. There was a large red stain down the front of it. Sean commented, "That spaghetti sauce really clobbered her little outfit."
"Sid did a pretty good job on his shirt," Suzie commented when Sid walked past. The entire front of his shirt was red and he was scrubbing it with a piece of the garlic bread that had come with the spaghetti. The net effect of his efforts was that he now smelled of garlic.
"Looks like everyone took the spaghetti today," Sean said. A lot of the young women were staring at their plates on the verge of tears.
Suzie snorted and said, "It was the only thing they served today."
"You'd think this bread would soak up all of the sauce considering how dry it is," Sean said tapping it on the table. It made a nice knocking sound very similar to that which would be made by hitting the table with a brick.
Suzie said, "I never thought of serving Melba Toast the size of Texas Toast. This bread was dried out when cavemen walked the earth."
"Stone-aged garlic bread," Sean said with a smile. "Maybe we should donate it to a museum."
Suzie looked over at Tom and noticed the trashcan standing behind him. She smiled at the sight and asked, "Did he threaten to throw you in the trashcan?"
"Yes," Sean answered with a grin.
She looked at the trashcan and said, "I can't believe you actually decided to do it."
"Well, I figured that getting chased around by a trashcan all day might make him think twice about dumping somebody in one," Sean said.
"You weren't angry?" Suzie asked.
Grinning, Sean answered, "I was having a hard time keeping from laughing."
"Good, we don't want any more trolls," Suzie said wondering what had happened to the troll since they had left the mall.
Sean said, "Considering that today was surprise spaghetti day, no one would have noticed if he had put me in the trash can."
"Ironic, isn't it?" Suzie said as another student passed by with a patch of red down the front of their shirt and pants.
"Yes," Sean said. He noticed Tom get up to return his tray. The front of his shirt was red from the tomato sauce. The trashcan followed Tom across the cafeteria. One of the kids stopped him and dumped the rest of his spaghetti into the trashcan. Tom stood over by the trashcans trying not to draw any attention to himself or the trashcan. Sean commented, "You'd think that after getting served school surprise spaghetti for twelve years someone would have figured out how to eat it."
Suzie scooped up another spoonful of chopped up noodles and took a bite of her lunch. Much to her surprise she hadn't spilled a single noodle. After swallowing, she looked over at Sean and said, "I swear that they cut the noodles that way on purpose."
"Did you see how happy the serving people were today?" Sean asked. He took a forkful of noodles and got it most of the way to his mouth before a quarter of the noodles slipped off. He decided to try something a little different. He piled some spaghetti on his piece of garlic toast thinking that he would put the toast to his mouth and then slide the noodles into his mouth. The piece of toast broke in half before it got halfway to his mouth.
"You'd think they would warn us when they are going to serve spaghetti," Suzie groused when another noodle fell into her lap. It was impossible to cut all of the noodles into a manageable size.
"No one would buy lunch here if we were warned," Sean said. He managed to get a third of a forkful of noodles to his mouth.
A gray skinned man that was six inches tall walked across the top of the table and came to a stop in front of Sean. He had a little pot belly and a tail. Sean looked down at him and said, "Hello."
"Hello."
"Who and what are you?" Sean asked.
"Who and what are you?"
"I'm Sean and I'm a human."
"I'm Irving and I'm an imp," the little man said wiggling his eyebrows.
"Ah," Sean said.
"You've been up to a little mischief today," Irving said smiling at Sean.
"Do you mean the bit with the trashcan?" Sean asked gesturing over to where Tom was standing. Kids were walking by him dumping their left-over spaghetti in the can. Tom finally ran out of the cafeteria with the trashcan chasing him. It stopped as soon as it reached the end of Sean's range.
"Yes. I appreciate mischief that has been done well," Irving said with his little tail waving around. Mischief was in the air and he could smell it. Now all he had to do was find it.
"There's been a bit of it today," Sean said.
Irving looked around the room for a few seconds. It was hard not to notice that everyone had spaghetti sauce stains on the front of their clothes. He looked at the plate of spaghetti and rubbed his hands together. Pointing at the plate, he said, "Now that is brilliant."
"The kitchen staff deserves all of the credit for this one," Suzie said.
Sean said, "It is a little hard to eat without making a mess considering the spaghetti sauce and the slippery plastic eating utensils. There's just no friction to hold the noodles on."
Looking in the direction of the school kitchen, Irving said, "I think I have found a home."
"That's nice," Sean said with a smile.
"Yeah," Suzie said with a frown. She wondered what kinds of things would be served from now on.
Irving left in a flash. Sean said, "He's a nice enough fellow."
There was a loud crash from the kitchen. Suzie said, "It sounds like someone slipped on a noodle."
"That happens," Sean said.
Suzie frowned and said, "I think it is going to happen around here a lot more often."
"Why?" Sean asked looking over at Suzie. He managed to get a forkful of spaghetti to his mouth.
"Irving," Suzie answered.
"Ah," Sean said nodding his head sagely. He had no idea how that explained anything. "Why?"
"You know that imps are mischievous, don't you?" Suzie asked.
"They are?" Sean asked. He looked at her and said, "I thought he was a pretty nice guy."
"You thought Stomp was a nice guy," Suzie said.
"He is," Sean said shrugging his shoulders.
"Let's go visit him after school," Suzie said when a really nice idea came to mind.
"Why would you want to go all of the way there to see Stomp?" Sean asked a little puzzled by her apparent change of mind.
"Where is Stomp?" Suzie asked.
"Near the mall," Sean answered.
"What else is there?" Suzie asked.
Sean frowned and thought about it for a few seconds. The expression of concentration on his face was almost comical. He answered, "I don't know."
"Shirley's Surprise is there," Suzie said.
"Come to think of it, I'm sure that Stomp would love to see us," Sean said. The suggestion of going to Shirley's Surprise without either of their mothers there had the logical consequent effect on his anatomy.
"Let's head to class," Suzie said rising from her chair. She put the little piece of plastic wrap that had protected her from the noodles on her tray.
"I can't," Sean said turning red.
"Why?" Suzie asked looking at him with a puzzled expression.
"I could explain, but you'd probably get bored," Sean said.
"Explain anyway," Suzie said returning to her seat.
Sean squirmed for a second and then said, "I was thinking about Shirley's Surprise, you being there, me being there and the kind of clothes they have there. Well ... uh ... stuff happened."
"Huh?" Suzie asked.
Waving a hand in a circular motion, Sean said, "Stuff happened."
"What happened?" Suzie asked.
"You know, down there," Sean said through clenched teeth while jerking his head around and kind of pointing towards his lap. He didn't want to advertise his condition anymore than necessary. In fact, he didn't want to advertise it at all.
"Oh," Suzie said. She leaned against the table and, in a sultry sexy voice, said, "It is a shame that it has to go to waste."
"It will never go down if you keep taking like that," Sean said fidgeting in his chair.
"Really?" Suzie asked with a grin. She wiggled her eyebrows and asked, "Did you ever think that I might not want it to go down."
"Think baseball stats, Sean. That won't work, I don't know any baseball stats," Sean said.
Suzie leaned over to him and whispered in his ear, "I'm going to be thinking about your little problem all during class. I'm going to get so hot that I'll want to explode."
"Uh," Sean said. With a real look of concentration, he said, "Must think ugly thoughts."
"Think of me in lingerie," Suzie whispered running a hand across his thigh.
"Uhh," Sean said wondering why there was suddenly two of everything. Concentrating with all of his will he said, "Blinja goona."
Satisfied with what she had accomplished, Suzie sat back and said, "Your eyes look lovely when they're crossed."
"Ningoda rah," Sean said.
"Like windows to your soul," she said giggling when he just nodded his head in agreement.
It took a good ten minutes for the swelling to go down. Sean ordered the little piece of plastic wrap onto his tray. It was covered with spaghetti noodles. His shirt and pants were stain-free. There weren't nearly as many noodles on her piece of plastic wrap. He said, "I told you it would work."
"Yes, you did," Suzie said looking down at the front of her dress. There wasn't a single stain on it.
"Let's go find Tom and see what he thinks of the idea of throwing me in a trashcan," Sean said with a grin.
"Let's just go to class," Suzie said taking his arm and putting it around her shoulders.
Frowning, Sean thought about his next class. After the first few days of class he was convinced that it was going to spoil his perfect record. He said, "I don't like social studies."
"I know," Suzie said with a sigh. She didn't like it either, but they had to attend the class.
Dressed in a tight-fitting outfit, Ms. Hawkins watched Sean and Suzie enter the classroom. Sean had his arm around Suzie. She smiled at them and said, "Don't you make a lovely couple?"
"Uh, yeah," Sean said eyeing her suspiciously.
"Okay," Suzie said waiting for Ms. Hawkins to tear off into another one of her tirades.
"Have a seat, class will start in a few minutes," Ms. Hawkins said going over to her desk. There was a rather large bouquet of roses on the desk. She leaned over and smelled the roses.
"What's with the flowers?" Sean asked.
"Oh, an admirer sent them to me," she answered with a smile on her face.
"Chief Fastman came by my house and said that you and Coach Slaughter were missing," Sean said.
Ms. Hawkins turned red at the memory of the police breaking into their hotel room thinking she had killed the coach. She said, "We just kind of got caught up in the moment and three days went by without us realizing it."
"What moment?" Sean asked looking over at Suzie as if she might know the answer.
"You and Coach Slaughter?" Suzie asked incredulously.
Waving a hand to fan her face, Ms. Hawkins said, "Did you see the muscles on that man?"
"Uh, yes," Suzie answered.
"I like muscles," Ms. Hawkins said. She giggled and then said, "I really like muscles."
"Okay," Sean said. He leaned over to Suzie and whispered, "Something took Ms. Hawkins and replaced her body with some kind of alien intelligence inside."
"You might be right," Suzie whispered back.
"Should we sit in the back of the classroom?" Sean asked unable to take his eyes off of Ms. Hawkins.
"I think we'll be safe enough in our usual seats," Suzie said.
"A horrible monster is likely to burst through her stomach or something," Sean said watching Ms. Hawkins smell the roses again. She ran a finger across her lips with a dreamy expression on her face.
Suzie laughed and said, "I don't think so."
Coach Slaughter stuck his head in the classroom and said, "Hello, Baby-doll."
"Hello, Snookems," Ms. Hawkins replied. She actually tittered.
"Ugh," Sean said.
Coach Slaughter said, "I'm going to end practice early today."
Frowning, Max asked, "Did he just say he was going to end practice early today?"
"Yes," Sean answered.
"Great," Ms. Hawkins said.
"I'll meet you at your house," Coach Slaughter said.
"We've got a game Friday," Max said.
"I'll be dressed in that little outfit that you like so much," Ms. Hawkins said.
Worried, Max asked, "What about that game Friday?"
"The little lacey thing?"
Raising a hand to get Coach Slaughter's attention, Max asked, "Coach? What about the game Friday?"
"Yes," Ms. Hawkins answered.
While the couple blew kisses to each other, Max laid his head on the desk and moaned, "We're going to lose."
"This is scary," Sean said.
"Let's move to the back of the class," Suzie said deciding that Sean had been right the first time he had suggested it.
"Good idea," Sean said picking up his books.
Tom entered the room. Looking around, he saw that the only seat available was right in front of Ms. Hawkins. He walked to the desk trying to look nonchalant, but the class broke into laughter.