Sean reached into one of the dozen pockets of his pants and pulled out a box of bandages. Opening the box, he proceeded to put bandages all over his chest and stomach. Looking down at the patchwork of flesh colored bandages, he said, "I should have gotten the ones with ducks on them."
He put on his bright white tee shirt covering all of the bandages. Thinking about what he was going to have to do a little later, he said, "It is going to hurt taking all of them off."
No one had gone anywhere near Sean in the dressing room while he had been preparing for the challenge. Now that everyone was in their gym clothes, they would sidle past and say something to him. Most of the comments were to the effect that it had been nice knowing him.
Sid walked over and said, "How many push-ups do you think Coach Slaughter can do?"
"I don't know. I guess he can do a couple hundred of them," Sean answered pulling on his gym shorts.
Shaking his head, Sid said, "Last year you managed to do five."
"That was last year," Sean said with a shrug.
Jerry came running over and said, "Half of the school is out there waiting for you."
"I guess I better put on my sneakers," Sean said sitting down on the bench.
"There's still time for you to back out," Sid said looking towards the door. He could hear the noise of the gathered crowd.
"I can't do that," Sean said. He put on his sneakers. They were brand new and he expected that this would be the only time he would be putting them on in the gym. Although he was confident, there was still a small worm of fear in his stomach. He said, "I'll be fine."
He tied the shoelaces saying the little ditty about the Indian, "Build a tee pee, come inside, close it tight so we can hide. Over the mountain and around we go, here's my arrow and here's my bow."
"Do you always say that?" Sid asked staring at Sean.
"No," Sean answered.
Shaking his head, Sid said, "You better tie the bows. You wouldn't want to trip on your laces when you're walking out there."
"That's a good idea. There's not much chance of winning if I happen to break an arm or a leg," Sean said. He tied the laces into a knot.
Sid said, "There's no chance of you winning no matter what you do."
Sean stood up and did a muscle man pose with both arms bent out to the sides and leaning over a bit. He said, "I am ready."
"You're dead," Sid said thinking that Sean looked a lot like a plucked chicken strutting around like that.
Sean walked out to the gym where a huge crowd was gathered. All of the seniors and half of the juniors were there to watch the contest. He looked around at the people amazed that he recognized so many of them. He knew that Suzie would be there, but didn't realize that Mr. Charmers and Ms. Woodhill would be there although he should have guessed that about Mr. Charmers. The real surprise was Ms. Hawkins. She was busy berating Coach Slaughter with some lecture about testosterone driven feats of male domination propagated by older bulls over the younger bulls. Sean tried to follow her logic, but got lost about the time it turned to comments about dominating women. Coach Slaughter was just staring at her blankly.
"Lots of people are here to watch me win," Sean said. Deciding that they deserved a show, he went from one body builder pose to another showing off his great physique. His rather skinny build, thin arms, and scrawny legs did not present the heroic image that he so desired. The effect was almost like a hairless Chihuahua trying to look like a Mastiff. Most of the people laughed and shook their head.
Mr. Charmers stepped over to him and said, "It isn't too late to call this off. Just give me the word and I'll stop it."
"Which word might that be?" Sean asked looking at Mr. Charmers.
"Uh, stop it," Mr. Charmers suggested.
"That's two words," Sean said.
"You're quite right. Just give me the two words and I'll stop it," Mr. Charmers said rolling his eyes.
"I'm ready," Sean said. He looked over at Coach Slaughter and saw that he was doing some warm up exercises.
"Are you sure?" Mr. Charmers said.
"Quite sure. It is time to show the world what Agent Double-o Zero can do," Sean said with a smile. He struck a heroic pose.
"Michaels! Quit playing around," Coach Slaughter bellowed.
"Hold your horses," Sean yelled back. He looked over at Mr. Charmers and said, "I must go."
"Are you ready?" Coach Slaughter said when Sean finally arrived.
"Yes, but first let me apologize. I fear that my little discovery of your gender identity problem has more or less forced you out of the closet. Let me assure you that I didn't say anything to anyone, but the whole school knows it now. I did not intend that to happen and I'm truly sorry," Sean said extending a hand to shake.
Suzie put a hand to her forehead and said, "I told him not to say that."
Coach Slaughter turned red and then purple. He pointed to the floor and said, "Let's begin."
"I take it that you are not accepting my apology," Sean said.
"I am not gay," Coach Slaughter said through clenched teeth and pronouncing each word quite clearly. He looked around and realized that there were too many witnesses to get away with hitting him. He was going to have so much fun with Sean after the kid lost.
Frowning, Sean asked, "So what is it with that whole gender confusion thing?"
"Sean, drop it," Mr. Charmers said.
"Okay," Sean said.
"Let's get this charade over with," Coach Slaughter said.
"Charades? I thought we were doing push-ups," Sean said.
"Michaels!" Coach Slaughter shouted.
"Sorry," Sean said. "I wouldn't have gotten all dressed up in my proper gym attire if I had known we were going to be playing Charades."
"Down on the floor," Coach Slaughter yelled.
Sean got down on the floor to start doing push-ups. Coach Slaughter got down on the floor beside him. Mr. Charmers walked over to stand in front of them. He said, "I'll count out the pushups."
"Okay," Sean said.
"Are you ready?" Mr. Charmers asked thinking this was going to be over in less than a minute.
Sean wiggled around on the floor for a second and then answered, "Yes."
"What was that, an impersonation of a spastic worm?" Coach Slaughter asked staring at Sean.
"Just loosening up a little," Sean answered.
"Let's start. One," Mr. Charmers said.
Sean ordered the bandages to lift him slowly and then to lower him. The effect was that of a perfect push-up. He looked over at the coach and said, "Only a couple hundred more to go."
Mr. Charmers started counting out the pushups. He had figured that they would reach about ten and have to stop when Sean collapsed. At ten, Sean was still doing pushups. He kept on counting until he reached a hundred. Sean was still doing pushups and didn't even look the least bit tired.
The crowd was beginning to make noises. There was the beginning of a chant developing, "Go Sean Go."
Coach Slaughter kept glancing over at Sean. He could not believe his eyes. There was no way that this scrawny kid should be able to keep up with him. Sean would occasionally smile over at him as if this was just a stroll through a park.
"We're going to be here all day at this rate," Sean said, "We can go a little faster."
"Okay," Coach Slaughter said.
Having gotten into a rhythm, Sean was enjoying doing the exercises. After all, the bandages were doing all of the lifting. The hard part was keeping his hands on the floor. Sean started giving his commands verbally, "Up down. Up down."
At five hundred pushups, Coach Slaughter started to feel it. He kept glancing over at Sean noticing that the guy wasn't even sweating yet. A rather sick feeling started developing in his stomach when he realized for the first time that it was possible that Sean would beat him.
Mr. Charmers kept counting out the pushups rather stunned by what he was watching. Everyone else in the room was counting along as well. Ms. Hawkins stood off to the side and said, "Ladies, do you see what happens when men have too much testosterone?"
"Lots of horny women?" Suzie asked.
Mrs. West said, "When I was younger a demonstration like this would have had me hot and bothered."
"Oh, please," Ms. Hawkins said. She said, "Someone should just cut off their balls and we wouldn't have any more of this kind of nonsense."
Suzie looked over at Mrs. West and said, "Isn't Sean cute in those little gym shorts?"
Sid looked at Sean and said, "No."
Looking over at Coach Slaughter, Sean asked, "By the way. How many pushups can you do?"
"I've done over a thousand," Coach Slaughter answered rather surprised that Sean could still talk.
"How long have we been doing this?" Sean asked.
Suzie answered, "Thirty-five minutes."
"We're at six hundred and something. I don't think we'll finish in time for me to make Biology," Sean said.
Mrs. Bird said, "That's okay, Sean."
Sean looked over at her and said, "Oh, hello Mrs. Bird. I didn't realize you were here."
"I was a little late. I stopped to get a donut on the way here," Mrs. Bird said with a smile. She held up a small piece of a donut.
"That sounds good. I might want a donut when we're done here," Sean said looking up at her.
The bell ending class rang shortly after they hit nine hundred pushups. Mr. Charmers asked, "Do you want a break?"
"No," Sean said.
"No," Coach Slaughter said. He was watching Sean trying to figure how that kid could be cheating. He asked, "Did you spend all night breathing helium or something?"
"That's so much fun to do. Your voice gets real weird when you breathe helium," Sean replied with a smile.
"There's something wrong here," Coach Slaughter mumbled. His arms were starting to burn. He knew that the next two or three hundred pushups were just going to get harder to do.
In a loud voice, Mr. Charmers announced, "One Thousand."
"Up down. Up down. Up down," Sean started singing.
"You don't have to be so cheerful," Coach Slaughter said. He was beginning to have problems keeping up with Sean.
"Why shouldn't I be cheerful? I'm going to get to spend the rest of the year in the library," Sean said happily.
Coach Slaughter said, "Don't count your chickens before they hatch."
"I don't have any chickens," Sean replied.
The most miserable person in the room was Mr. Charmers. His voice was starting to give out on him. He had expected this to end after two minutes and now it had gone on for fifty minutes. He interrupted the count and said, "Would someone get me some water?"
"This is so boring!" Sean said. He hadn't realized that just moving up and down like that would be so mentally tiring.
"Boring?" Coach Slaughter asked incredulously. He almost missed a pushup.
"Who in their right mind would want to do so many pushups?" Sean asked shaking his head.
"It is about pushing your limits," Coach Slaughter said.
"All of that work and nothing gets done. It is a complete waste of time," Sean said.
"It is about being physically fit," Coach Slaughter said.
"That's nonsense," Sean said.
"No it isn't," Coach Slaughter said.
Sean said, "Now moving blocks of stone that weigh thousands of pounds to build a pyramid would make better sense. Not only would you get physically fit, but you would end up with a pyramid at the end."
"It is about being physically active," Coach Slaughter said.
"So is building a pyramid," Sean said.
Realizing that Sean would soon be recommending that they build a pyramid, Suzie asked, "Do you see any blocks of stone around here with which to build a pyramid?"
"No," Sean answered. He did a couple more pushups and then said, "We could order some."
"We don't need a pyramid," Suzie said. She had visions of a pyramid appearing in Sean's backyard.
"You're probably right," Sean said.
"I am right," Suzie said.
"It just seems to me that all of this stuff about running around in circles until you drop to the ground exhausted is just stupid," Sean said.
When they hit 1300 pushups, Coach Slaughter was really feeling it. He looked over at Sean and watched him chatting with Suzie. He knew that the kid's arms should have been feeling like spaghetti noodles by this time. He nearly lost it when Sean said, "I hope that I won't be late to work."
"We'll make it on time," Suzie said rolling her eyes.
"You know, I thought this would only take an hour or so," Sean said. He looked over at Coach Slaughter and asked, "How are you doing?"
"Fine," Coach Slaughter answered between clenched teeth. He wasn't sure how many more pushups he was going to be able to do.
"You're slowing down," Sean said.
"I'm doing fine," Coach Slaughter said glaring over at Sean.
"Another six hundred pushups and school will be over," Sean said.
"You're right," Suzie said glancing over at the clock.
"This is really boring," Sean said.
Suzie looked around the gym and noticed that most of the people had broken into little groups. They were all engaged in little conversations. She said, "You're right. Even the cheering section has gotten bored."
Sean said, "This is really stupid. You can't do anything else while doing a pushup. I don't think it would even be possible to read a book while doing a pushup."
"I bet you could," Suzie said.
"We could try it," Sean said. He heard a groan from beside him and looked over at Coach Slaughter. He asked, "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," Coach Slaughter said.
"You know that men your age shouldn't overdo it. You could have a heart attack and die," Sean said.
"Shut up," Coach Slaughter said.
"He's getting a little testy there," Sean said.
"Eighteen hundred," Mr. Charmers announced loudly.
"This is so boring," Sean said stretching out the last word.
"Would you shut up?" Coach Slaughter said.
"Why?" Sean asked.
"I'm concentrating here," Coach Slaughter said glaring over at Sean.
"On what?" Sean asked.
"On doing pushups," Coach Slaughter answered.
"What's there to concentrate on? All you're doing is going up and down," Sean said. He shook his head and said, "If you want my opinion, this is the stupidest exercise ever invented."
"I don't want your opinion," Coach Slaughter said.
Ms. Hawkins said, "I really hate to say this, but I have to agree with Sean."
"See. That didn't hurt," Sean said looking up at Ms. Hawkins.
"What?" Ms. Hawkins asked.
"Agreeing with me," Sean answered. He smiled up at her.
Ms. Hawkins said, "I hated every second of it."
Sean looked around for something to say and noticed his math teacher. He said, "Mrs. West, there's a math problem that has been bothering me for a while."
"Oh? What is it?" Mrs. West asked.
Sean said, "There are more football players than cheerleaders. How is it that all of the football players are dating cheerleaders?"
Suzie giggled on hearing the question. Smiling at the question, Mrs. West said, "That's an easy one."
"Does it involve fractions?" Sean asked with a wink.
"Each cheerleader dates several football players," Mrs. West answered with a grin. She glanced over at Coach Slaughter and swore he just changed colors.
"That's what I thought," Sean said.
Ms. Hawkins growled and said, "Someone needs to talk to those cheerleaders."
"Maybe you should talk to them," Sean said.
"I will," Ms. Hawkins said.
"I think you should also talk to Coach Slaughter," Sean said.
"Why?" Ms. Hawkins asked surprised by the suggestion.
Sean said, "He has a problem telling boys and girls apart. Yesterday, he kept calling us girls. I'm sure that you know all about that kind of gender confusion stuff."
Coach Slaughter suddenly found it was getting a whole lot easier to do pushups. He growled and said, "I know the difference between boys and girls."
"You sure were confused yesterday," Sean said.
Ms. Hawkins said, "He was using verbal abuse to establish a dominant position among the pack."
Sean frowned and said, "Do you mean he was insulting us?"
"Exactly," Ms. Hawkins said.
"Do you mean that he got dragged out of the closet because he was trying to insult us?" Sean asked.
"I was never in the closet," Coach Slaughter shouted. He felt like his arms were about to drop off.
"Oh, so you were openly gay?" Sean asked looking over at the coach.
"I'm not gay, you idiot," Coach Slaughter.
"You're not?" Sean said, "Sorry. I thought you said you were gay."
Coach Slaughter didn't say a word. He focused on doing more pushups. His whole body was about to give out. He looked over at Sean unable to believe that he looked so fresh. His arms started to tremble. He almost failed to get to a full extension. He looked over at Sean realizing that the contest was nearly over. He had three or four more pushups in him.
Sean looked over at Suzie and said, "This is so boring."
Coach Slaughter just couldn't do another pushup. He collapsed on the floor with a groan. Sean looked over at him and asked, "Are you okay, coach?"
"You won," Coach Slaughter said.
"Two thousand one hundred and twenty three pushups," Mr. Charmers managed to squeak out.
"Oh," Sean said still doing pushups. He said, "I guess that means I can stop now."
"Yes," Mr. Charmers said shaking his head. He would have bet his house against Sean ever standing a chance of winning this contest.
Sean sat up and said, "That was fun."
Staring at Sean, Sid asked, "Fun? Do you realize that you would have had to do more than a hundred pushups in every class to do that many pushups this year?"
"Really?" Sean asked. He frowned while thinking about it and then smiled. He said, "I got out of having to run a single lap."
"I hate running laps," Sid said.
Sean stood up, yawned, and stretched. He looked over at Suzie and said, "Well, I better take a shower. We've got to head off to work soon."
"I'll be waiting," Suzie said with a smile.
Coach Slaughter was sprawled out on the floor. He asked, "Could someone help me up?"
Ms. Hawkins bent down and pulled him off the floor. Supporting him, she said, "I can't believe that scrawny little kid beat you."
"Neither can I," Coach Slaughter said.
"I'll get you into the shower," Ms. Hawkins said shaking her head.