"Listen up girls!"
Sean raised his hand. When the coach ignored him, he asked, "What girls?"
"Michaels!"
"I'm not a girl," Sean said looking around at the other guys in the gym. There wasn't a single athlete among them. By and large, they were a pretty scrawny lot, except for the overweight guys. However, they were all male. He said, "I don't see any girls around here."
"Don't be a smart ass, Michaels," the coach yelled getting in Sean's face. He hated lazy kids like Sean who didn't appreciate the character building value of team sports. If he had his way, he would use them all as tackling dummies for the football team.
Sean scratched the back of his head and studied the coach for a good ten seconds. Finally, he asked, "Do you have gender identity issues?"
"What!"
"Well, you can't tell boys from girls," Sean said pointing to the other guys in the gym.
"Sean's dead now," Sid said shaking his head.
"Coach will make sure that he never walks again," Jerry said.
"Michaels, I'm warning you," Coach Slaughter said finding it nearly impossible to keep from striking him. His face turned red and the vein in his forehead started throbbing.
"What did I do?" Sean asked looking at the coach. The man looked like he was about to explode. He covered his mouth and said, "Sorry. I didn't realize you were still in the closet."
"What!"
Sid asked, "Did he just say that coach was gay?"
"It sure sounded like that to me," Jerry said shaking his head.
"I didn't realize you were still in the closet. Don't worry, I'll keep your secret," Sean said.
The whole class laughed until the coach looked in their direction. It got very quiet in the gym. Just about everyone expected Sean would leave class by ambulance except for Sid and Sean. Sid was pretty sure the Sean would leave by hearse. Sean was waiting for the coach to say something.
Coach Slaughter growled. It was a real growl that originated deep in his chest and came out with a low rumble. His fists turned white and his arms trembled while he kept himself from killing Sean. Normally, he would work a kid like this until he couldn't move. Unfortunately, there was no real work out scheduled that day. However, tomorrow would be a different story and he'd be able to drive Sean into the ground. Coach Slaughter said, "Tomorrow, you are going to give me fifty."
"Fifty what?" Sean asked not liking the sound of this.
"Push-ups," Coach Slaughter said.
Sean thought about it for a few seconds with a worried frown. A smile crossed his face and then he said, "I bet I can do more push-ups than you."
"What?" Coach Slaughter said thinking he had misheard Sean.
Pointing a finger at the coach, Sean said, "I bet I can do more push-ups than you."
Coach Slaughter broke out into laughter. The entire class burst out in laughter. The coach was in excellent shape and did a hundred push-ups every morning. He doubted Sean could do ten. He said, "You're on."
"If I can do more push-ups than you, I get to spend the rest of the year in the library and you'll give me an A for the class," Sean said.
"When you lose, you'll do exercises for an hour every day after school," Coach Slaughter said.
"Okay," Sean said.
Sid said, "You're crazy Sean."
"I'll do more push-ups than him," Sean said. The last half of his sentence was drowned out by laughter.
Coach Slaughter shouted, "Listen up girls."
"Uh, coach."
"Shut up, Michaels," Coach Slaughter yelled. He held up the little green gym pants and said, "You are required to show up to gym tomorrow with gym shorts that look like this. They are to be green, just like this one that I'm holding up. You will bring a plain white tee shirt. You will have white gym socks and sneakers. Are there any questions?"
Sean raised a hand. When the coach ignored him, Sean said, "I have a question."
"What is it?" Coach Slaughter asked.
"Those are pretty short. Do they come in a style that comes down to the knee?" Sean asked.
Coach Slaughter shouted, "This is not a fashion show. It is a gym class and you'll wear proper gym attire."
"Why do they have to be so short?" Sean asked.
"Because that is how gym shorts are!" Coach Slaughter looked around the room at the boys watching him. He said, "Every Friday you will take your gym clothes home and wash them."
"What if you're sick Friday?" Sean asked.
"Then you'll take them home Monday night," Coach Slaughter yelled.
"Okay," Sean said.
Sid said, "I think Sean has a death wish."
"He's going to die tomorrow once coach gets him in gym clothes," Jerry said shaking his head.
"Suzie is kind of young to be a widow," Sid said.
"Yeah," Jerry said.
Coach glared at the pair of boys. They did their best to hide. Coach said, "If you fail to wear the correct gym clothes or fail to wash them over the weekend, then you'll have to give me five laps for each infringement."
"What if you're sick Friday? Will you have to do laps on Monday?" Sean asked.
Furious, Coach Slaughter looked at the clock and said, "Everyone get out of here!"
"You didn't answer my question, Coach," Sean said.
"I'll tell you tomorrow," Coach Slaughter said stomping off to his office.
Sid said, "He's going to kill you tomorrow."
"No. I plan on spending the rest of the year in the library," Sean said with a smile.
"It has been nice knowing you," Sid said.
"You can say that again," Jerry said.
"I better head over to chemistry," Sid said.
Sean stood up straighter and asked, "Do you need a lab partner?"
Sid paled and said, "Jerry is my lab partner."
Jerry nodded his head and said, "That's right."
"Oh," Sean said. He headed off to chemistry. Smiling, he said, "Maybe I'll get to work alone."
"Sean!"
Hearing his voice being called out, Sean stopped before entering the chemistry room. He turned around and spotted the principal running towards him. Smiling, he said, "I just keep running into you everywhere I go, Principal Charmers."
"Uh, there's been a slight change in your schedule," Mr. Charmers said. He looked in the chemistry room and saw Mr. Donaldson staring at Sean with a terrified expression on his face.
"What?" Sean asked wondering if he was going to get out of social studies with Ms. Hawkins.
Turning Sean around and stepping away from the door, Mr. Charmers said, "We put you in biology rather than chemistry."
"Oh," Sean said. He looked in the chemistry room wistfully and said, "They got a whole bunch of neat stuff in chemistry. I would really like to tinker around with the chemicals and stuff."
"Well, you tend to be a little enthusiastic at times," Mr. Charmers said with a worried frown.
"At times? I'm enthusiastic all of the time," Sean said.
"A chemistry lab isn't the best place to be enthusiastic," Mr. Charmers said.
"It isn't?" Sean asked looking puzzled.
Mr. Charmers said, "Biology is a little better for that."
"Really?" Sean asked dubiously. He looked across the hallway and through the door of the biology room. He frowned and said, "All they've got are skeletons in there. In the chemistry lab they've got Bunsen burners, pipettes, and chemicals. They've got a lot of chemicals. Some of them make smoke when you mix them together."
"They've got more than just skeletons over in Biology," Mr. Charmers said turning Sean to face the biology class.
"I really had my heart set on chemistry. I really wanted to make water by burning hydrogen," Sean said trying to face the chemistry lab.
A chill went down Mr. Charmers' spine. He glanced over in the chemistry room and saw that Mr. Donaldson was holding up two pipettes in the configuration of the cross in Sean's direction. Mr. Charmers said, "Sean, I know you can keep a secret."
"You bet," Sean said preening a bit. He smiled and said, "The last time someone told me a secret, I kept it for almost three days."
Mr. Charmers grimaced. He was pretty sure that Mr. Donaldson would forgive him. He said, "Mr. Donaldson is of a rather nervous temperament."
"Really?" Sean asked.
"I'm not sure that he could take someone with your level of enthusiasm in his class," Mr. Charmers said.
"You don't say," Sean said. He looked back at the chemistry room. Mr. Donaldson was on his knees praying. Sean frowned and asked, "Do you think he remembers me from ninth grade?"
"He'll never forget you," Mr. Charmers said. He had almost slipped and used the word 'forgive.'
Scratching his stomach, Sean said, "I guess you just don't forget some things like that."
"Not many people would think of seeing what happens when you flush sodium down the toilet," Mr. Charmers said.
"It was a legitimate experiment," Sean said. "I even wrote it up in my lab book before I did it."
"I know," Mr. Charmers replied.
"I didn't think it would cause every toilet to spray water," Sean said.
"I know," Mr. Charmers said. Sean had been lucky that the toilet hadn't exploded.
"I didn't realize he was using one of them at the time," Sean said.
"I know," Mr. Charmers said.
"He shouldn't have been smoking," Sean said.
Mr. Charmers said, "He discovered that in a very painful manner."
Sean said, "It was a tragic accident."
"You convinced me of that. I saw how you had arranged all of those meter sticks to measure any splash made as a result of the sodium," Mr. Charmers said.
Sean was quiet for a moment and then said, "Mr. Donaldson doesn't want me in his class."
"Right," Mr. Charmers said softly.
"I guess I can understand that," Sean said. He looked in the chemistry room and sighed. He said, "So close and yet so far away."
"I know. I'm sure that you'll enjoy Biology. Mrs. Bird is a good teacher," Mr. Charmers said.
"Really?" Sean asked somewhat interested. He looked over at the biology class and said, "Skeletons. I'm not really wild about skeletons."
"I know," Mr. Charmers said. "You'd be doing me a favor."
"Oh, okay," Sean said. He looked over at the Principal and said, "You owe me a pass on one public display of affection with Suzie."
Mr. Charmers chuckled and said, "Okay, Sean. It's a deal."
With one last look of longing in the direction of the chemistry room, Sean shuffled across the hallway to the biology class. He stepped inside and stared at all of the skeletons scattered around the room. Disappointed by the change in plans, he said, "Skeletons. At least they are plastic."
Just after Sean sat down in the one remaining seat, Mrs. Bird waddled into the room. She was a large woman with a broad friendly face. She smiled at the class and said, "Welcome to Biology."
The class looked at her and waited for her to say something else. She sighed and said, "I guess I'll take the roll, hand out the books, and talk about what we'll be doing this semester. Are there any questions before I begin?"
She looked around the room. When no one answered, she went over to the desk and opened her class roll book. She read out the roll one name at a time. Each student answered with a dull here. When she came to the end, she said, "We have a late addition to the class. Sean Michaels."
Sean stood up and said, "Sean Connery Michaels, Agent Double-o Zero, present and accounted for."
"Wonderful," Mrs. Bird said. She smiled at him and said, "I hope that you enjoy this class."
"I don't like skeletons," Sean said looking at the skeletons arranged along the walls.
"Neither do I, except around Halloween time," Mrs. Bird said with a laugh. She looked around at the class and said, "Biology is about living things. I know that most of you are concerned about having to dissect a frog. You'll have a choice of writing a report, dissecting a frog, or raising an animal."
"Really?" Sean asked.
"Yes," Mrs. Bird said. She said, "Since you're standing, why don't you help me hand out the textbooks?"
"Sure," Sean said. While handing out books, he said, "This isn't so bad."
"Hey, Weird... ," Tom started to say. He reached up and pulled the ball of paper from his mouth. He unfolded the ball of paper finding that it was his notes from the last class. Mumbling, he said, "I'm going to have to find out why that keeps happening to me."
One of the boys in the class said, "Sean challenged Coach Slaughter to a push-up contest."
"He did what?" one of the girls asked.
"He called the coach a homosexual and challenged him to a push-up contest," another boy said.
"I heard that he has something on the coach that proves the coach is gay," another boy said.
"The coach is going to kill him," another kid said.
Mrs. Bird looked around the room hearing bits of the discussion and asked, "What are you talking about?"
"Sean called Coach Slaughter a homosexual and challenged him to a push-up contest," one of the students answered.
"Did you do that, Sean?" Mrs. Bird asked with a worried expression on her face.
"Well, I did ask him if he had a gender identity issue since he can't tell boys from girls. I didn't realize he was in the closet. I did bet that I could do more push-ups than him," Sean answered.
"You're dead meat," one of the girls said.
Holding a hand against her cheek, Mrs. Bird said, "Oh, dear. Didn't you know that Coach Slaughter was a gymnast in college?"
"No," Sean said shrugging his shoulders.
"He can still do that cross thing on the ring thing," Mrs. Bird said.
"I can still do more push-ups than he can," Sean said unconcerned. He thought about it for a second and then said, "It will probably take more than an hour to wear him down, though."
"What did you bet him?" Mrs. Bird asked thinking that she was going to have to tell Mr. Charmers about this bet right after class.
"If I win, I get to spend the rest of the year in the library," Sean answered with a grin. He gave two thumbs up.
"What if you lose?"
"I have to do an hour of exercise every day after school," Sean said unconcerned with the possibility.
"Sit-ups."
"Push-ups."
"He'll make you duck-walk for an hour," one of the guys said. With the exception of Sean, every male in the class groaned at the thought of that.
"He's going to kill you," one of the girls said.
"At least we'll be rid of one weir... ," Tom said. He pulled a wad of paper from his mouth and muttered, "This is ridiculous."
Debbie pointed at Sean and said, "He's doing it to you."
"I'm going to stuff him in a trashcan," Tom said with a snarl.
"Stay away from him," Debbie said.
Sean returned to his seat and faced the front of the class. Mrs. Bird said, "Like I said before, you don't have to worry about being forced to dissect a frog. You have your choice of a writing a report on the anatomy of some multi-celled organism, dissecting the frog, or taking care of some lower order form of life.
"Last year, one of the students did a wonderful two hundred page report on the anatomy of a spider. It was one of the most fascinating things I've ever read. Of course, you don't have to do a spider, but I would like a rather complete report on whatever you do.
"We had a student who raised earthworms last year. He started with two and ended up with about a hundred. It was really a very fascinating process to watch. Now, I don't want anyone to raise an animal with an endoskeleton. That means no puppies, no kittens, no fish, no frogs, no mice, and no snakes. Anything else is fair game."
"Anything?" Sean asked.
Mrs. Bird said, "Use your imagination."
"Squids?" Sean asked.
"That was an interesting project. We had a kid raise some six years ago," Mrs. Bird said.
Surprised that someone had already done that project, he asked, "Slime mold."
"You could do that, but it would be kind of boring. At lease Cindy found it rather boring three years ago," Mrs. Bird said cheerfully.
"Ameba?" Sean asked.
"That's a fascinating subject. I have a colony of Ameba at home from last year," Mrs. Bird said.
"Bees?" Sean asked.
"I have a hive from last year," Mrs. Bird said.
"Snails?" Sean asked.
"That's been done a dozen times," Mrs. Bird said.
Desperate, Sean said, "Leeches!"
"Five years ago a kid raised a batch of medical leeches."
"Wow, this is going to be tough," Sean said. He found it hard to believe that she wasn't fazed by a single suggestion.
"Are you up to the challenge?" Mrs. Bird asked with a grin.
Sean said, "You bet."
"Excellent," Mrs. Bird said. She looked over at the clock and said, "Well, your half day of school has come to an end. I'll see all of you tomorrow."
Sean sat there thinking. He looked up and asked, "How about flies?"
"That's almost too easy. Every year we've had flies," Mrs. Bird said.
"Cockroaches?" Sean asked.
"I had two kids raise them three years ago. You might remember when they escaped," Mrs. Bird said.
"Oh, yeah," Sean said. He frowned and asked, "How many of these projects have you had?"
"Five classes a year, twenty students per class, and ten years," Mrs. Bird answered.
"A thousand projects?" Sean asked.
"Oh, only a third of the students chose a project and about half of them were unique. Maybe twenty of them were outstanding," Mrs. Bird answered.
"Twenty," Sean said. He rose from his chair and said, "You'll say twenty one next year."
"I think this is going to be a fun class," Mrs. Bird said with a grin.
"Yes. It might not be so bad," Sean said.
Mrs. Bird put a hand on his arm and said, "I'm sorry that you didn't get Chemistry."
"That's okay," Sean said. He looked around to make sure there was no one else around before he added, "I think a lot of people were scared about me being in the lab."
"You might be right," Mrs. Bird said.
A very upset Suzie charged into the room and asked, "Are you crazy?"
"Not the last time I checked, but that was a while ago," Sean answered. He smiled waiting for her to laugh. She didn't.
"Did you ask Coach Slaughter to give you a blowjob?" Suzie asked.
"No," Sean answered disgusted by the suggestion.
"Did you say he was gay?" Suzie asked.
"Kind of," Sean answered.
Shaking her head, Suzie said, "I had such hopes of getting married to you."
"We can still get married," Sean said. He frowned and then asked, "How did that slip out?"
"Not if you're dead," Suzie said near tears.