Mrs. West looked across the classroom with a frown. It was a small class; only five students had signed up for calculus. This was the smallest class of her entire teaching career. She had been teaching math for thirty-four years and this was her last year to teach before retiring. The chances of finding a jewel in the rough this year was just as bad as they had been the previous thirty-four years. She looked down at the roll and said, "Susan Culbertson."
"Here," Susan said in a bored voice.
"Sid Eddings."
"Here," Sid said staring at the floor.
"Susan Emery."
In a bright clear voice, Suzie said, "Here."
Leaning over to Suzie, Sean said, "That was well said."
"Thank you," Suzie said with a smile.
"Sean Michaels."
Sean stood up and said, "Sean Connery Michaels, also known as Agent Double-o Zero, present and accounted for."
"Do you have a problem?" Mrs. West asked looking at Sean.
"Not really, ma'am. I am relatively problem free," Sean said with a smile.
"Then what was with the excessive response to my calling your name when I'm going through the roll?" Mrs. West asked in a cold voice.
Sean smiled and said, "This is the first day of class and I want to make a great first impression. I'm excited about the chance to learn some math."
"Some math?" Mrs. West asked.
"Yes, ma'am. I think math is really neat," Sean said.
Mrs. West shook her head. She'd heard that kind of statement from mediocre students every year. She said, "We'll see if you feel the same way by the end of the year."
"Are you saying that it is going to be pretty hard?" Sean asked.
"Yes," Mrs. West answered.
"Alright." Sean sat down and leaned over to Suzie. He smiled and said, "This class is going to be so good."
Mrs. West raised her eyebrows and looked at Sean. Parents had wilted under her intense scrutiny. Even other teachers had wilted when she looked at them like that. This kid just smiled back at her. She looked down at her roll and said, "Jerry Walker."
"Here," Jerry said.
Mrs. West stood up to hand out the five text books. She handed the first one to Sean since he was seated directly in front of her. She then handed out the rest of the books to the rest of the students. She had just made it back to her desk when Sean said, "Hey, Suzie. Look at this stuff on page 95. This is so cool."
"That is a limit," Mrs. West said after glancing at the page.
Sean said, "Yeah, I know. You've got to admit that is a pretty neat concept. I mean, finding the value of a function at some point by evaluating it at nearby points is pretty neat. You get ever closer to the answer as the distance between the point you are evaluating it at and the actual point diminishes down to zero. It works even when the function isn't defined at the point of interest. That is so cool. Are you going to teach us about that?"
"Yes," Mrs. West answered staring at Sean.
"Suzie, we are going to have so much fun in this class," Sean said. He hunched over and looked in the book. He flipped a few pages while looking at the equations. He looked up and said, "Hey, it even works when the function is discontinuous. That's so cool."
"Uh, yeah," Mrs. West said staring at Sean for a moment. Frowning, she said, "If you'll turn back to page ten, we're going to review some material."
"Aw," Sean said. He flipped to the correct page and said, "Look at this. Algebra! We had this junk last year."
Jerry sat back and said, "I might as well take a nap for the next two months."
Susan yawned and said, "This is so boring. If I didn't need this class to get into college, I'd be taking art or something else just as stupid."
Mrs. West asked, "Are you saying that you'd rather skip the review?"
"Yes, yes, yes," Sean shouted.
"Sure," Jerry said.
"You bet," Susan said.
Sid said, "Let's get to the neat stuff."
"Okay," Suzie said looking at the book with a small sense of dread. She hoped that she remembered enough of her algebra to get through the class.
Mrs. West flipped forward through the book. She stopped on the third chapter and said, "Let's start on page ninety-three."
"Alright!" Sean said raising his arms in the air.
Thinking this class might be a little different; Susan sat up and looked at the book. She looked over the page and said, "Sean is right. This is interesting."
Sid said, "Wow. There's an elegance to this that is rather surprising."
"You can say that again," Jerry said.
Mrs. West said, "Now if..."
Sean leaned over and pointed to a figure in the book. He said, "Suzie, look at this. See how when you get closer to the target point from above and from below, the function approaches the desired value."
"Yes," Suzie said seeing exactly what he meant.
"Check out the formal definition on the bottom of page ninety seven," Susan said.
"That's the..." Mrs West started to say.
"It says here that this is the delta-epsilon form," Suzie said pleased to discover that all of that algebra was coming back.
Looking up from his sheet of paper, Sean said, "I got the first five problems without much difficulty, but this sixth one is a problem."
Suzie looked over and said, "The answer is eight."
"Oh, right. Stupid me," Sean said erasing his work on his sheet of paper.
Mrs. West said, "Ah..."
"Hey, look at this stuff with infinity on page 105," Susan said.
"You've got to draw some of this stuff to see what's going on," Sid said. He could see that the function was oscillating around some value as the function was evaluated at larger and larger numbers.
Picking up his book, Sean said, "That's easy to solve. Let's go to the board."
"Good idea," Jerry said grabbing his book.
While her five students gathered around the blackboard to work some limit problems, Mrs. West took a seat and watched them correcting each other's work. She muttered, "I spent thirty- four years trying to drag students kicking and screaming into this subject. I must have been doing something wrong."
The bell rang, but the students didn't move from the board. Mrs. West stood up and said, "I hate to say this, but you better get to your next class."
Walking over to her desk, Susan said, "I've got social studies next. I want to die."
"I bet they don't even have any statistics in that class," Jerry said with a groan.
Sean said, "What good is social studies without going into demographic data?"
"Useless," Suzie said packing her book into her book bag.
Sean put an arm around Suzie and said, "This is going to be a fun class."
"I think so," Suzie said.
Walking towards the door, Sean said, "I don't know why everyone says that Mrs. West is a witch."
"Got me," Sid said shrugging his shoulders.
Suzie said, "I think she's a pretty good teacher."
Jerry said, "It's because of that book, The Wizard of Ooze."
Sean asked, "Did you ever read any of his other books?"
"Yes, I read the whole set," Jerry said.
"Compared to all of the others in that series, The Wizard of Ooze wasn't all that great," Sean said.
"You're right," Jerry said.
"See you tomorrow, Mrs. West," Susan said stepping out of the class.
Sean stepped out of class and ran into Mr. Charmers. He said, "Hello, Principal Charmers. I keep running into you after every class. Isn't that a co-incidence?"
"It sure is, Sean," Mr. Charmers said with a smile.
"You don't have to worry about me, I promise not to kiss Suzie in the hallways," Sean said.
"You might not have a choice about that," Suzie said with a grin.
"Oh," Sean said. Looking at Mr. Charmers, Sean said, "Never mind."
"Stay out of trouble, you two," Mr. Chalmers said. He watched the young couple walk down the hall towards their social studies class. He noticed Susan and Jerry arguing while walking down the hallway. It was the first time he had ever seen either of them looking animated. He looked in the classroom and saw Mrs. West seated in her chair. Her hands covered her face and her shoulders were jerking uncontrollably. It looked like she was crying. Concerned, he rushed into the room and asked, "Are you okay, Mrs. West?"
She sat up and uncovered her face. Tears were streaming down her cheeks. She grinned and said, "I can't stop laughing."
"What?"
"This has been the best class I've ever taught in my entire career," Mrs. West said. She shook her head and said, "They pushed me out of the way and started working through the book. I never had a chance to say a word and they got through a week's worth of material in a half an hour."
"Oh," Mr. Chambers said.
Mrs. West grinned and said, "The rest of that group's teachers had better know their stuff. Those five will roll right over them. I can't wait to hear the talk in the teacher's lounge."
"Oh," Mr. Chambers said turning pale.
Mrs. West said, "You don't look well. Is something wrong?"
"They are all headed towards social studies," Mr. Chambers said.
"Man-hater Molly?"
"Yes," Mr. Chambers said.
Ms. Hawkins paced across the front of the class scanning the class role. She frowned while looking at the composition of the students. There were more males than females. She was convinced that it was a plot to prevent the women of this class from learning the truth of the woman's movement. If she had her way, Mr. Charmers would be returned to the classroom and she'd have his position. She smiled thinking about the changes she'd make in the school.
Sean entered the room with his arm held around Suzie's shoulders. She was snuggled under his arm with her head on his chest. Seeing the pair, Ms. Hawkins said, "Get your hands off of her!"
"This isn't a public display of affection," Sean protested.
"That's a perfect example of a man subjugating a woman."
Suzie looked over at Ms. Hawkins and said, "I like it when he puts his arm around me."
"We'll see how you feel about having your individuality stripped from you by the end of the year. I assure you that you'll see the situation completely differently," Ms. Hawkins said.
"What?" Suzie asked looking at Ms. Hawkins.
"It is a classic example of an individual's identity being suppressed by a boorish jerk through mismatches in the power dynamics of an interpersonal relationship," Ms. Hawkins said.
It took Sean a second to parse that sentence. He said, "You don't have to stand up for me, Ms. Hankins. I know that she's in total control of this relationship. I don't mind, really. In fact, I rather like it. However, I do take exception to you calling Suzie a boorish jerk."
"She was calling you the boorish jerk," Suzie said rolling her eyes.
"My name is Ms. Hawkins."
"Me?" Sean asked surprised.
"Yes, you," Ms. Hawkins said.
"Wow. No one has ever called me a boorish brute before. My feelings are kind of hurt. In fact, I feel like I should be offended," Sean said looking at Ms. Hawkins.
"You should be ashamed. Strutting through the school claiming ownership of a young woman like that," Hawkins said.
"Gosh, here I thought that I was enjoying the feeling of being close to my girlfriend and that she was enjoying being close to me," Sean said.
"Then you clearly don't understand the social implications associated with male domination of females through ownership gestures," Ms. Hawkins said.
"Obviously," Sean said removing his arm from around Suzie.
Suzie grabbed his arm and put it back over her shoulder. She said, "There's nothing obvious about it."
Jerry's and Susan's argument had slowly gotten louder. Turning to the two students, she said, "Young man, be quiet so that she can explain why you're wrong."
"I'm not wrong," Jerry said.
"Well, I'm not wrong," Susan replied.
Ms. Hawkins asked, "What are you arguing about?"
Jerry said, "I asserted that Heff Hughner contributed more to the women's movement than Gloria Steinfield."
"I said that Gloria Steinfield had a greater impact," Susan said.
Glaring at Jerry, Ms. Hawkins said, "I can set that argument to bed right now."
Irritated, Susan said, "I can prove to him that I'm right without you."
"Do you want to bet?" Jerry asked.
"Yes," Susan said.
"What do you want to bet?" Jerry asked.
"If you're right, I'll buy you a meal at any place you want," Susan said putting her hands on her hips.
"Agreed. Loser buys the winner a dinner at a place of the winner's choice," Jerry said crossing his arms.
Sid asked, "How will you settle that bet?"
Susan said, "We each write a paper supporting our case. The best paper wins."
"Who will judge your papers?" Sid asked.
"We'll let Mr. Charmers decide," Susan said. She looked at Ms. Hawkins and added, "He's fair."
"Agreed," Jerry said with a short nod of his head.
"Let's go to the library," Susan said standing up to leave the room.
"Fine with me," Jerry said picking up his books.
Ms. Hawkins said, "She can go, but you can't."
"Why not?" Jerry asked.
Ms. Hawkins said, "Her research has real merit. You just want to look at pictures that are degrading to women."
"There are articles in Playgent magazines," Jerry said.
"Like a man would actually read the articles," Ms. Hawkins said with a snort of disgust.
"That's enough," Jerry said, "I'm out of here."
Sean watched the two leave the room and said, "Wow. I'd love to have a project like that. I wonder if Ms. Dankins will assign us something like that."
"That would be nice, but I don't think we're going to be that lucky," Sid said looking over at the teacher. She didn't look very friendly. In fact, she was glowering at Sean.
"My name is Ms. Hawkins."
"Odd, I thought you said it was Ms. Duckins earlier," Sean said scratching the side of his face. He looked over at Suzie and asked, "Did I misremember that?"
"Yes," Suzie answered nodding her head.
Sean said, "I'm really going to have to work on remembering names."
Suzie said, "That would be a good idea."
"I do have good ideas on occasion," Sean said standing up a little straighter.
Glancing over at the clock, Ms. Hawkins realized that more than half of the class time had passed without getting the roll taken or the books distributed. She shouted, "Everyone take a seat."
"Where?" Sean asked picking up the nearest chair.
"Huh?" Ms. Hawkins asked looking blankly at Sean.
"Where do you want us to take them?" Sean asked.
"Sit down," Ms. Hawkins said.
Moving over to the desk in front of the teacher's desk, Sean mumbled, "Some of these teachers really need to learn how to give instructions."
Ms. Hawkins started to read the roll. When she reached Sean's name, he stood and said, "Sean Connery Mich..."
"Shut up and sit down," Ms. Hawkins said.
"I haven't finished introducing myself," Sean said looking at her.
"I told you to sit down," Ms. Hawkins said.
"Okay," Sean said returning to his seat. He leaned over to Suzie and said, "This Ms. Cluckins isn't very friendly."
"The name is Ms. Hawkins!"
"You're not helping the situation," Suzie said looking at him.
"I don't think I'm going to enjoy this class at all," Sean said.
"Be quiet or I'll send you to the Principal's office. Do you understand me?" Ms. Hawkins said glaring at Sean. Sean turned and looked at Ms. Hawkins. After a minute passed, she said, "You're supposed to answer me when I ask you a question."
"Make up your mind," Sean said. He leaned over to Suzie and said, "First she tells me to be quiet and then she tells me to talk. I think she wants me to get in trouble."
"That does it. You're going to the Principal's office," Ms. Hawkins said.
Snickering from the back of the room, Tom Westerland said, "Way to go, Weirdo."
Ms. Hawkins looked at Tom. He was pulling a ball of paper from his mouth. She said, "You can go too."
Before Sean had a chance to leave the classroom, Mr. Charmers entered the room. He had run into Jerry Walker and Susan Culbertson heading for the library. He wanted to know why two of the smartest students in the school had already walked out of a class.
"Hello, Mr. Charmers," Sean said, "If this isn't a coincidence, I don't know what is. I was just on my way to see you."
"You were?" Mr. Charmers asked with a frown. He glanced over at Ms. Hawkins wondering what had been happening in the class.
"Yes. Apparently, I've been a very bad boy and have been sent to the Principal's office," Sean said.
From across the room, Ms. Hawkins said, "He's been disruptive in class. So has that other cretin."
"What other cretin?" Mr. Charmers asked in a voice that could have frozen water.
"She must mean Tom," Sean said. He frowned and then said, "Hey, wait a minute. Did she just call us cretins?"
Sid nodded his head and said, "I think so."
"Definitely," Tom said glaring at the teacher.
"First she calls me a boorish brute and now she's calling me a cretin. That kind of irritates me," Sean said looking over at Ms. Hawkins with a frown.
"Return to your seat, Tom. From now on, don't make rude comments about your classmates," Mr. Charmers said.
Sean smiled and said, "I wouldn't worry about that Mr. Charmers. Tom isn't going to bother anyone this year."
"I don't need..." Tom jumped when a piece of chalk hit him in the back of the head. He looked around and asked, "Who threw that?"
Pointing at Sean, Debbie said, "It was him."
Mr. Charmers turned to Suzie and asked, "What did Sean do?"
"Sean was just being Sean," Suzie answered shrugging her shoulders.
"Ms. Munchkins didn't even let me finish introducing myself," Sean said. "I even practiced my introduction in front of a mirror so that I could make a good impression."
"My name is Ms. Hawkins!"
Sean threw up his hands and said, "Every time she says her name, it is something else."
Mr. Charmers looked at Sean and said, "How many times have I told you that you actually need to listen when people tell you their name?"
"Hundreds," Sean answered.
"Did you listen when she told you her name?"
"Um, not really," Sean admitted.
"Now listen to me carefully. Her name is Ms. Hawkins," Mr. Charmers said.
"Like the theoretical physicist except without the 'g'?" Sean asked.
"Yes," Mr. Charmers said.
"Oh, okay," Sean said.
Mr. Charmers said, "Return to your seat, Sean."
"Do I have to?" Sean asked looking over at Ms. Hawkins.
"Yes," Mr. Charmers said.
"Ms. Hawkins doesn't like me," Sean said gesturing to the teacher with his thumb.
Mr. Charmers said, "You have that effect on a lot of people."
"I don't understand why," Sean said shaking his head. "I have dimples when I smile."
"Sometimes dimples aren't enough," Mr. Charmers said with a laugh. While Sean returned to his seat, Mr. Charmers said, "Ms. Hawkins, I'd like to see you in my office after classes are over."
"She's going to get it now," Sean said sliding into his chair.
Mr. Charmers said, "And Sean ... don't talk for the rest of the class."
Sean ran a hand across his mouth like he was zipping it shut. Holding out her hand, Suzie said, "Lock it and give me the key."
Sean locked the zipper and handed her the key.