Trying to look like a professional, Mr. Kindle stepped into the classroom and made his way to his desk. Once there, he sat down and opened his roll book. He had dreams of teaching these young kids the thrill of history. He read out the first name, "Max Baxter."
"Here," Max said.
One of the kids in the class snickered and said, "His name is Mad Max. He's so crazy they had to lock him away this summer."
Sean sent a piece of chalk to hit the kid in the back of the head. The kid jumped and asked, "Who threw that?"
Mr. Kindle said, "Be quiet everyone."
"Susan Culbertson," Mr. Kindle said continuing to call the roll.
"Here," Susan answered in a bored tone of voice. She didn't want to be in school and wasn't afraid of letting anyone know that.
Sean was seated right in front of Mr. Kindle. He shifted excitedly waiting for his teacher to reach his name. He really enjoyed the first day of school. Mr. Kindle looked up and shook his head. He called out the next name, "Susan Emery."
"Here," Suzie said.
Reaching over to her, Sean patted her hand and said, "That was masterfully stated."
"Thank you, Sean," Suzie said with a grin.
"Be quiet everyone," Mr. Kindle said. He called out the next name, "Sid Eddings."
"Here," Sid said.
"His name is Sad Endings," one of the kids said with a snicker. Sean turned around and sent another piece of chalk towards the back of the kid's head. The boy jumped and asked, "Who keeps throwing things at me?"
"Sean," Debbie said looking over at him with an expression of fear on her face.
"Don't be ridiculous. Weird Sean is sitting in front of me," the kid said.
"Be quiet class," Mr. Kindle said. He continued reading the roll until he reached one name on the list. All of the teachers had warned him about this student. They said that he was way too smart and a lot of trouble. He considered skipping the name, but had a feeling that wouldn't help. He looked up and saw Sean wiggling in his seat. He said, "Sean Michaels."
Sean stood up and said, "Sean Connery Michaels, also known as Agent Double-o Zero, present and accounted for, sir."
While the class laughed, Mr. Kindle said, "A simple 'here' would suffice."
The kid in the back of the class was about to make a comment when a ball of paper flew in his mouth. He looked around wildly looking for the culprit responsible, but everyone was laughing at Sean. He reached up and pulled the wad of paper from his mouth.
"Forsooth! It would be a shame to give such a dull answer on such an exciting occasion. I have been looking forward all summer to the chance of listening to you tell about your conversations with great writers such as Shakespeare, Milton, and Mark Twain," Sean said gesturing in the air with a pointed finger.
"This is a history class, not literature," Mr. Kindle said rubbing his forehead. He wondered where a kid his age would even hear the word 'forsooth' much less use it.
"Ah! That is even better. I want to hear all about your childhood in ancient Greece. Was Socrates really so smart? I'm sure that your first hand experiences at the Battle of Troy will make those times come alive for us," Sean said. He flashed a smile at Mr. Kindle.
The other teachers had warned him, but he hadn't really believed it. He stared at Sean and said, "That was more than two thousand years ago."
"Wow and to think you knew those folks. I bet you have a lot of stories to tell us," Sean said.
"I wasn't even born then," Mr. Kindle said. He really should have brought along a bottle of aspirin.
"Oh," Sean said. He looked around the room and said, "Despite our disappointment to learn that, I'm sure that all of us are looking forward to learning lots of history from you, Mr. Candle."
"The name is Mr. Kindle."
"Oh, sorry about that," Sean said. He sat down and looked directly at the teacher. He flashed him a friendly smile. When Mr. Kindle looked down to read the next name off the role, Sean leaned over to Suzie and asked, "Did I impress him?"
"You definitely made an impression on him," Suzie answered with a giggle.
"Good," Sean said.
The kid who kept making cracks about everyone in the room said, "I bet he offers to pose naked in art class."
Sean sent a piece of chalk to the back of the kid's head. The kid looked around and said, "Stop that!"
"Be quiet everyone," Mr. Kindle shouted. He was beginning to regret his decision to become a teacher and it was only the first class of the first day of school.
"Thomas Westerland," Mr. Kindle said.
The kid who had been making all of the comments looked around suspiciously before he said, "Here."
Closing the class roll, Mr. Kindle said, "Welcome to history. I'm Mr. Kindle."
"You told us that," Sean said.
Looking at Sean, Mr. Kindle said, "You will raise your hand and wait to be called upon before saying anything. Do you understand?"
Sean raised his hand. Mr. Kindle said, "What?"
"Yes," Sean said lowering his hand.
Mr. Kindle stared at Sean for fifteen seconds and then shook his head. He said, "You can answer without raising a hand when I ask you a direct question. Do you understand?"
"Yes, I understand," Sean said shaking his head in the negative.
"Do you have something else you wish to say?" Mr. Kindle asked.
"You should have been a little more explicit in your original instructions. Some of us do know how to follow instructions better than others," Sean said.
Resuming his introduction to his lecture, Mr. Kindle asked, "Does anyone know what the Golden Age was?"
Sean raised his hand and grunted, "Oh, oh!"
When no one else raised their hand, Mr. Kindle said, "Sean."
"1849! They discovered gold in California. Everyone on the East Coast ran over there and dug up the whole state. All of that added weight from the people and the fact that they had dug all of those holes caused California to break. Since then, the state has been plagued with earthquakes," Sean answered.
"That's not what I meant," Mr. Kindle said.
Sean shook his head and said, "You must mean the Golden Age referred to by the ancient poets as a time in their history when it was all peaceful and everything."
"That's right," Mr. Kindle said surprised that Sean had known that.
Sean said, "That isn't history, that's mythology. You must admit that it is a stretch of the imagination to consider mankind as ever existing in a state of purity with men being immortal. Of course, the Greeks were pretty good at mythology. So were the Romans, come to think of it. Even Hollywood is pretty good at it."
"Uh, yes," Mr. Kindle said surprised that Sean had actually known the right answer.
"You know that the Golden Age was the highest age of the Iron, Heroic, Bronze, Silver, and Golden ages written about by Hesiod. Of course, the Romans had their own version that was written by Ovid, but it only had four ages. He left out the Heroic age. Go figure. I'd be remiss if I failed to mention that the names of the Gods in Ovid's version were all different from those in Hesiod's version," Sean said.
"I was going to explain that," Mr. Kindle said shocked that anyone in this town even knew the name of Ovid, much less Hesiod.
"Pity they didn't know about platinum. Can you imagine what that age would have been like," Sean said.
"We're going to talk about the Golden Age," Mr. Kindle said. He looked down at his carefully prepared lecture realizing that Sean had already torn it to shreds. It was going to start with an introduction of Hesiod and introduce the five ages of mankind. He even had a little digression about Ovid's version. He was going to use that as a platform from which to introduce the modern ages of history.
"I'd rather talk about the Gold Rush," Sean said. He smiled and added, "I have a bit of interest in finding some gold."
"Same here. I heard that one of my ancestors went to California during the gold rush," Sid Eddings said.
Tom Westerland said, "Shut up, Sad Endings. If you are so interested in your ancestors, why don't you search through all of the massage parlors in town? I'm sure that you'll find your father, Happy Endings, in one of them."
Sean sent another piece of chalk at Tom. Rubbing the back of his head, Tom shouted, "Who keeps throwing things at me?"
"It is Sean," Debbie said pointing at him from across the room. She was seated as far from him as was possible. Fortunately, that also put her close to the door in case she had to make a run for it. She twitched when Sean looked in her direction.
Tom snorted and said, "Don't be such a dumb blond, Barbie. Weird Sean is all the way over there. I can see him and he's not doing anything."
"I'm not blond and my name isn't Barbie," Debbie said. Her eyes got big when she saw a piece of chalk sneak up on Tom and then launch itself at the back of his head.
"Who's doing that?" Tom shouted.
"Be quiet class," Mr. Kindle said. He wondered if he had any of the pink stuff. His breakfast was sitting pretty heavily in his stomach. He went over to the blackboard and wrote the name 'Hesiod' on it. He said, "The Greek poet, Hesiod, wrote about the five ages of mankind."
Sean leaned over to Suzie and said, "They say that repetition is a good pedagogical methodology."
"You don't say," Suzie said.
Nodding his head, Sean said, "I say that repetition is kind of boring. It is no wonder that most people don't like history."
Mr. Kindle rubbed his forehead. He looked up to find Sean with his hand raised. Knowing that he was going to hate himself, he asked, "Do you have something to say, Sean?"
"Are you feeling okay?" Sean asked.
"Why do you ask?" Mr. Kindle asked thinking he had only five more classes to go.
"Well, I'm concerned about you. You keep rubbing your forehead like you have a headache," Sean said.
"I do feel one coming on," Mr. Kindle said.
Sean reached into one of his pockets and pulled out a bottle of aspirin. He asked, "Would you like one?"
"Yes," Mr. Kindle said holding out his hand.
"Teaching must be a very stressful profession. All of our teachers get headaches with great regularity," Sean said dumping two of the pills into Mr. Kindle's hand. He added, "It makes you wonder why anyone would want to be a teacher."
"That thought has passed through my mind several times today," Mr. Kindle said. He popped the two pills in his mouth and chewed.
"Didn't you want some water with that?" Sean asked.
"That's okay," Mr. Kindle said. He looked up at the clock and shook his head. With this being the first day of class, they only had half classes. He'd already used up all of his time. Even as the bell rang, he announced, "Tomorrow we'll revisit the ancient ages of mankind and look at the modern ages of mankind."
Sean stood up and said, "That was pretty close to a good lecture, Mr. Kinders."
"The name is Mr. Kindle."
"Oh, sorry," Sean said. He put an arm around Suzie and said, "We've got history next."
"English," Suzie said shaking her head.
"That's right. We've got Ms. Woodhill," Sean said brightening. "I like her."
"She likes you," Suzie said. Shaking her head, she said, "She really likes you."
"I don't think Mr. Kindling likes me," Sean said.
"That's Mr. Kindle," Suzie said.
Sean shook his head and said, "I'm going to have to get better at remembering people's names."
Suzie said, "That would be a good idea."
Walking towards the door, Sean said, "You know. They just don't pay teachers enough for what they have to put up with. Could you imagine teaching a whole class full of people like us?"
"Oh God," Mr. Kindle said feeling dizzy at the idea. He looked over at the stack of books and realized that he had forgotten to hand them out to the students.
"You're right," Suzie said with a laugh. She looked over her shoulder and saw Mr. Kindle shaking his head.
Stepping out of the room, Sean noticed the principal standing around the door. He said, "Hello, Principal Charmers. How are you doing today?"
"I'm doing fine, Sean," Mr. Charmers said with a smile.
"Enjoying the first day of school?" Sean asked.
"Yes, I am. You seem to be much more excited than usual," Mr. Charmers said.
Sean said, "My girlfriend convinced me that I didn't have to put up with abuse from anyone."
Looking at Suzie, Mr. Charmers said, "So you finally got him."
"Yes, I did," Suzie said.
"You knew?" Sean asked looking over at the principal.
"You bet," Mr. Charmers said. He grinned and said, "No Public Displays of Affection. I'd hate for our best student to end up in trouble."
"Don't worry Principal Charmers. I'll keep Suzie out of trouble," Sean said hugging her protectively.
"I'm not the one he's worried about," Suzie said rolling her eyes.
"You're the best student," Sean said.
Suzie rolled her eyes and said, "You have a perfect GPA."
"You've got the second highest GPA and you're pretty," Sean said.
"You are our two best students," Mr. Charmers said shaking his head.
Sean said, "We have Ms. Woodhill for our next class."
"She really likes you," Mr. Charmers said. A lot of people thought she was a flighty woman, but she really knew literature and enjoyed students with lots of imagination. Sean was her perfect student.
"She's a good teacher," Sean said.
After watching Sean walk off down the hallway, Mr. Charmers stuck his head in the classroom door and asked, "How did it go?"
"Is he for real?" Mr. Kindle asked.
"Yes and he's yours for the rest of the year," Mr. Charmers said with a grin.
"I don't know if I can take it," Mr. Kindle said with a groan.
"Just talk to Ms. Woodhill," Principal Charmers said. Of all of the teachers who had ever had Sean in their classroom, the only one who asked to have him in their class a second time was Ms. Woodhill. This was her third year teaching at the school and she'd had him every year.
Sean and Suzie walked into Ms. Woodhill's class. Seeing Sean, Ms. Woodhill screamed, "Oh, there you are my dear boy."
"Suck up," Tom Westerland said glaring at Sean.
"How was your summer, Ms. Woodhill?" Sean asked ignoring Tom.
"It was wonderful. I went to the mountains and just sat there enjoying the view while reading my favorite books for days at a time," Ms. Woodhill gushed. She turned to Suzie and said, "I see that you finally got him. It is so romantic. You'll just have to tell me all about it."
"Will we get to write stories this year?" Sean asked. Ms. Woodhill was the only teacher who actually made him work.
"Of course you will," Ms. Woodhill said.
"I hate writing stories," Tom said. He looked around the room and decided that he'd sit in the back row where no one would be able to throw chalk at him during class without him seeing who did it.
Susan moved woodenly into the classroom and took a seat. She sighed and said, "Oh boy. This is just what I need, another year of school with Ms. Woodhill."
Debbie grabbed the seat nearest the door. If another troll appeared, she wanted to be able to get out of there as quick as possible. She looked over at Tom and said, "Watch out for Sean. He's scary."
"I'll dump him in the trashcan just like I did last year," Tom said with a snort.
"You'll be sorry," Debbie said.
Noticing Sid enter the room, Ms. Woodhill said, "Ah, Mr. Eddings. It is a pleasure to see you again this year."
"Thank you, Ms. Woodhill."
She asked, "Did you find out if you are related to the author who bears your last name?"
"We are not related," Sid said.
"Pity. It would be such a thrill to have a famous author come visit us in class," Ms. Woodhill said. She noticed Max enter the room. Turning to him, she asked, "Will you be taking us to the championship this year, Mr. Baxter?"
"Uh, we came in last place last year," Max said with a frown.
"Through no fault of your own," Ms. Woodhill said. She smiled and said, "You just keep rushing that pitcher and we'll win a game sometime."
"Quarterback, ma'am," Max said.
"Quarterback or pitcher, they both throw the ball," Ms. Woodhill said. She smiled at him and asked, "Who do they have playing goalie this year?"
"I don't know, ma'am," Max said staring at her.
The bell rang and Ms. Woodhill went to the front of the class. She said, "There's no need to take roll since I see that all of the usual suspects are here."
"And we're all acting suspicious as usual," Sean said with a grin.
Ms. Woodhill laughed and said, "Yes, indeed. Now I like to encourage my students to make insightful comments about the material we will cover in class. So if you find something interesting to say about the material, just pipe up."
"Oh boy, I get to talk in class," Sean said rubbing his hands excitedly.
"That's right," Ms. Woodhill said cheerfully. She looked around the room and spotted Tom seated in the back. She said, "And Thomas Westerland, I'll remind you that a nasty comment about your classmates does not constitute a witty remark. It is nasty and I don't tolerate nasty."
She flitted around the front of the room for a few seconds handing out the textbooks. Once that was done, she said, "I saw a most wonderful example of young love just a few minutes ago. Our young Mr. Michaels and the ever lovely Miss Emery have found love. It reminds me of a poem by Elizabeth Barrett Browning."
"That one about counting the ways?" Sean asked.
"Exactly," Ms. Woodhill said.
"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach, when feeling out of sight for the ends of being and ideal grace. I love thee..." Sean recited while looking at Suzie.
"Isn't that lovely?" Ms. Woodhill said with her hands clasped in front of her.
"Oh God. She's got the weirdo spouting poetry," Tom said. He sat back in surprise when a piece of paper flew in his mouth. He grabbed the piece of paper wondering how it managed to fly off his desk like that.
Ms. Woodhill said, "Tom, I warned you. You make one more derogatory comment about one of your classmates and I'll send you to Principal Charmers' office. Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes," Tom groused. He looked over at Debbie and said, "He's going in the trashcan."
"You'll be sorry," Debbie said eyeing the door. She'd seen the piece of paper fly off Tom's desk and in his mouth.
"That was lovely, Sean," Ms. Woodhill said when he had finished reciting the poem. She asked, "Do you know any others by her?"
"The one about loving me for love's sake," Sean answered.
"If thou must love me, let it be for nought," Ms. Woodhill said. She smiled at Sean when he nodded his head and said, "You must have read a little over the summer."
"I spent a little time on the internet this summer," Sean said shrugging his shoulders.
"While it will never replace the allure of bound paper encased within a leather cover, the internet is such a treasure trove of little things to know. I could spend years traversing from link to link taking joy in never knowing what little snippet of wisdom I'll find next," Ms. Woodhill said.
Snorting, Tom said, "I bet she's looking for pictures of naked men."
Another sheet of paper lifted from his desk and headed towards his mouth crumpling into a little ball as it flew through the air. He covered his mouth with a hand and watched it bounce away. He pointed at the piece of paper and said, "Ha!"
The piece of paper flew in his mouth. Debbie was already out the door. Ms. Woodhill said, "I wonder what the matter with her is? Oh well, she'll be back."
Tom grabbed the piece of paper out of his mouth and said, "There's something weird going on here."
Ms. Woodhill looked at Tom and said, "Quit playing around, Tom."
"I'm not playing," Tom said glaring at the piece of paper in his hand.
Ms. Woodhill looked at Suzie and asked, "Does he recite little love poems to you, my dear?"
"Uh, no," Suzie said. She hadn't really thought about asking him to do that.
"Pity. You must train him better than that. There's nothing quite so romantic as having a young suitor on bended knee declaring his love to you through poetry," Ms. Woodhill said holding her hands clasped over her heart. She winked at Suzie and said, "He's still a little malleable at his age."
"I will treasure your advice and put it into practice at the earliest possible moment," Suzie said. She smiled over at Sean and winked.
Tom started to say something and noticed a sheet of paper start to move. He shut his mouth and the paper settled back down. He studied his notepad trying to figure out what was causing it to act that way.
Sean turned to Suzie and said, "Suzie and Sean sitting in a tree, K I S S I N G..."
"Oh that is funny," Ms. Woodhill said laughing.
Suzie rolled her eyes and said, "That is not what she meant, Sean."
"Hey, it was the best I could do on a moment's notice," Sean said.
Ms. Woodhill looked up at the clock and said, "Alas, our time is almost over. I think that we shall have a fun time this year."
"You can say that again," Sean said. He leaned over to Suzie and said, "Now that is teaching."