Sean stopped the car at the entrance to the driveway. There was a small sign made of yellow poster board stapled to a small stick that was stuck in the ground. The slight breeze made reading the sign a little difficult. Puzzled, he read the sign aloud, "Grand Opening. Private party. Fred Wilkins is not invited."
"What does that mean?" Suzie asked turning to look at Sean.
"I have no idea," Sean said reading the sign a second and a third time.
Suzie said, "Grand Opening? What could your mother possibly be opening?"
Sean said, "I've got no clue."
"Party?" Lily said. She hadn't been to a party in a long time. The last one had been her birthday party. They had played all kinds of games including pin the tail on the donkey. Rather than a picture of a donkey there had been a picture of man. She didn't know who the man was, but her mother assured her that he was a jackass and that was nearly the same as a donkey.
Still staring at the sign, Sean realized that the name on the sign was familiar. He asked, "Isn't Mr. Wilkins the owner of the movie theater?"
"I think so," Suzie answered uncertainly.
"Why would he want to crash one of mom's parties?" Sean asked. He eased the car down the long driveway to the house.
"I have no idea," Suzie answered.
Sean stopped the car and hit the steering wheel in irritation. Any chance of spending some quiet time with Suzie had just evaporated. He said, "I knew it. Their cars are gone."
"We better get inside in case they try to call us. You know that we're going to have to bail them out," Suzie said.
"Are we going to the police station?" Lily asked brightly.
"Probably," Sean answered. He parked his mother's car in the usual spot. Getting out, he went around the car to open the door for Suzie. Lily bailed out of the back and headed towards the door of the house at a run.
Suzie said, "Let's go face the music."
Surprised by the fact that she couldn't get into the house, Lily came back to the car and said, "The door is locked."
"That's okay. We'll go around to the back of the house. They never lock the backdoor," Sean said.
Coming around the side of the house, all three of them stopped and stared at the sight in front of them. There were two cars parked in the middle of the yard so that they were facing the white billboard standing at the far edge of the yard. By the house there was a long table with an old fashioned movie theater style popcorn maker and a soda fountain.
Sean was still trying to figure out why there were two cars parked in the backyard when his mother came up and said, "You're right on time. Suzie, you run the concession stand. Sean, you run the projector and help Suzie when there's nothing else to do. Lily, you're the kid on the swing."
"Huh?" Sean said still trying to take in the full scene in front of him.
"You're going to run the projector," his mother said.
"What projector?" Sean asked looking around.
Turning to point at the VCR that was hooked up to a projector, his mother said, "That one."
Suzie asked, "What is going on?"
"We opened our own private drive-in movie theater and we're having a Sean Connery film festival," Sean's mother answered as if it should be obvious.
"Why am I on the swing?" Lily asked.
Her mother rolled her eyes and said, "There's always a kid or two on the swing at the drive-in. They swing until they get tired and then go back to their parent's car to sleep."
"Oh," Lily said wondering why she shouldn't go to her own bed when she was tired. She shrugged her shoulders and said, "I guess that's okay. I like swinging on the swing."
Sean's mother said, "Sean, why don't you go over to the concession stand with Suzie. Your father will be done taking pictures for the newspaper article. We'll start the showing at 8:30 sharp."
Suzie stared across the yard at her mother. She was draped over a life sized cutout of Sean Connery while Sean's father was taking her picture. She said, "So that is what mom was doing on the computer all day."
"What newspaper article?" Sean asked.
Ignoring the question, his mother said, "Suzie's father is waiting patiently over at the concession stand for someone to fix him some popcorn and drinks. Go over there and concess or whatever it is they do at concession stands."
"Yes, mother. We'll go over there and concess," Sean said. He was pretty sure that 'concess' wasn't even a word.
"Don't forget, the coming attractions are scheduled to start at 8:30," his mother said.
He and Suzie headed over to the table. There was a stack of paper cups, popcorn boxes, and two boxes of assorted packages of candies. There were all of the classic movie theater candies including juju fruits, snowcaps, hot tamales, and junior mints. His mother had gone all out to make this as much like a theater concession stand as was possible.
When they arrived, Mr. Emery said, "I thought you two would never get here. I'll have two popcorns and two cokes; one diet and one regular."
Sean looked at the soda fountain and asked, "Where did she get all of this stuff?"
"I rented it," Mr. Emery answered.
"You rented it for one night?" Sean asked while fixing a coke. He noticed the lids and straws for the cups. There were even carry trays for the items. He couldn't believe it.
"No. This is a weeklong film festival with a double feature every night," Mr. Emery answered.
"Oh," Sean said realizing that his nights for the next week were going to be spent in the backyard of his house. He glanced over at Suzie and realized that she'd be there with him. He considered the idea of that and then muttered, "That's not so bad."
While Sean started a second coke, Suzie fixed two popcorns. She asked, "What's showing tonight?"
"Dr. No and From Russia With Love," her father answered.
Not entirely surprised by the choice of films, Sean said, "Mom loves those two films. She says that Dr. No is the film that got her interested in Sean Connery."
"Mom loves From Russia With Love. She says that it makes her weak in the knees," Suzie said.
Her father looked over at his wife getting her picture taken with the Sean Connery cutout. He said, "I know. I've got a feeling that I'm going to lucky tonight. You can see that her nipples are stiff all the way from here."
"Too much information," Suzie said making a face. She set the boxes of popcorn on the little tray Sean had used for the cokes.
Suzie's father walked off laughing. A few minutes later Sean's father stepped up to the table and said, "Two cokes and two popcorns. The movie is going to start soon and I don't want to miss the coming attractions."
"Don't worry about that," Sean said, "According to mother I'm running the projector."
"Shouldn't you be over there?" his father asked pointing in the direction of the VCR.
"If I'm over there, then you'll miss the beginning of the film," Sean said. It was just getting dark enough to show the movie.
"I know, but that's all part of going to the drive-in," his father replied.
"I didn't know that," Sean said while putting the lid on the first drink.
"That's right. You've never been to a drive-in movie," his father said. He wondered what kinds of things kids did on dates now that drive-ins had closed down.
"What else is part of going to the drive-in?" Sean asked.
His father answered, "Fogged up windows. That's the best part of going to the drive-in."
"I didn't want to know that," Sean said. His mother honked the horn. He looked over and saw that she was in the car waiting for the movie to begin. She held down the horn for a full five seconds.
"The coming attractions should be starting now. It is eight-thirty," his father said looking at his watch. He added, "She's going to honk her horn until you start the show."
Shaking his head, Sean went over to the VCR. There was a stack of video cassettes beside it. The one on the top was labeled, 'Coming Attractions.' He looked at the VCR and noticed that there were wires leading off towards the cars. He shook his head when he realized that there were speakers hanging off the windows of the cars.
His mother continued honking the horn while he turned on the projector. He slid the topmost cassette into the VCR and hit play. When nothing happened, he looked around to find out what was the matter. It took him a minute to realize that the lens cover was still on the projector. He took the cover off and watched the image projecting on the screen. His mother stopped honking the horn as soon as the show started.
Once he was satisfied that the projector was working correctly, he went back over to Suzie. He noticed there was a speaker there so that they could hear the movie. Shaking his head, he said, "If you're going to do something weird, then do it well."
"Is that the family motto?" Suzie asked with a smile.
Sean laughed and said, "Yes it is."
Suzie glanced over at the screen in time to see a list of the movies that were going to be shown. Impressed, she said, "She's picked out all of his best movies."
"She put a bit of work into it," Sean said knowing that his mother had a tape of every movie that Sean Connery had ever made. She must have spent hours making the coming attractions tape. Maybe staying around the whole week wouldn't be that bad. He laughed and then said, "It is a lot better than putting up a billboard across from the theater."
Sean watched Suzie wipe up some spilled popcorn. She was so pretty that it was hard to keep from touching her. The sound of a pair of horns being blown interrupted his thoughts. He looked up and realized that the tape was over. He rushed over and ejected the tape. Grabbing the top tape, he put it into the VCR. The whole time he was working, his mother was blowing the horn. He shouted, "Alright, already!"
Once the video was playing, he returned to the concession stand. Suzie said, "They are both a little quick on the horn. They could just roll down the window and yell."
Sean sighed and said, "I guess that is just what you do at the drive-in."
"I'm bored. You've got the neat job. I'm just the swing kid," Lily said coming over to them.
"Would you like some popcorn and a soda?" Sean asked.
"Is that allowed?" Lily asked suddenly interested.
Suzie laughed and said, "I think having popcorn and soda is part of the job description for the swing kid."
"Someone should have told me more about my job," Lily said putting her hands on her hips and looking in the direction of the two cars.
"I know what you mean. They only tell you about the work you have to do. They never cover the job benefits," Sean said.
Lily eyed the two boxes of candy and asked, "How about candy?"
"I think that is essential to being a swing kid," Sean said giving her a package of gummy bears.
Tearing open the bag, Lily said, "This is more fun than going to jail."
"Are you planning on growing up to be a career criminal or something?" Suzie asked while preparing a box of popcorn for Lily.
"I'm planning on being something, I just don't know what yet," Lily answered. She popped a gummy bear in her mouth.
"Good answer," Sean said finishing pouring a soda for Lily.
"You better get back to your job," Suzie said.
Still holding the bag of gummy bears, Lily picked up the popcorn and soda. Juggling the three items in her hands, she made her way back to the swing set. Once there, she was confronted with the problem of what to do with everything in her hands.
Sean looked around and realized that they had nothing on which to sit. He went over to the garage and got out three lawn chairs figuring that Lily wouldn't last the night on the swing. Returning to the concession stand, he set out the chairs next to the table.
Suzie already had a box of popcorn and a soda. She started to hand it to him when he said, "You take a seat and watch the movie. I'll get my own."
"Thanks," Suzie said taking a seat. It was nice having a considerate boyfriend. She looked over at the screen and settled into her chair.
Sean was fixing a box of popcorn when a voice asked, "Do you have any beer?"
Sean looked up and then looked down before spotting the speaker. Nervous, he asked, "Liam, what are you doing here?"
"We're watching the play," Liam answered. He gestured over to the far end of the yard where another Leprechaun and four dwarves were seated. Sean didn't recognize the other Leprechaun or Dwarf.
"Are you crazy? My parents are going to see you," Sean said terrified of what would happen when his parents found out about the folks out of a fairy tale that had taken up residence behind the house.
"So?" Liam asked.
"Aren't you worried about how they'll react?" Sean asked.
"No. We were invited to this party by inclusion under the principles of exclusion," Liam said.
"Invited by inclusion under the principles of exclusion? What does that mean?" Sean asked wondering if his mother had actually invited them.
"You post who you don't want at the party. Everyone else is welcome. None of us are named Fred Wilkins," Liam answered.
"I don't know if my mother will see it that way," Sean said looking over at his parent's car.
"She posted the invitation so she has to live with the consequences," Liam said with a shrug of his shoulders. "So do you have any beer?"
Sean laughed at the idea of his mother living with the consequences and answered, "No."
"Pity. I'll take seven of the drinks and six of that stuff in the boxes," Liam said.
"Seven sodas? There are only six of you," Sean said after making a quick count of who was at the far end of the yard.
Liam shook his head and said, "You forgot about the fairies. They're going to share a drink."
Sean looked over at Suzie as if seeking guidance. She shrugged her shoulders and said, "They're going to share a drink."
Liam watched Sean fix eight sodas and seven boxes of popcorn. When Sean was finished, he asked, "Don't you know how to count?"
"One, two, four, two, nine, five," Sean answered using his fingers as a visual aid. Having run out of fingers, he counted his thumb twice. He smiled at Liam as if proud of his accomplishment and said, "See. I learned all my numbers and can count real good. My teachers learned me. Why did you ask?"
"I asked for seven drinks and six boxes of food. You fixed eight drinks and seven boxes of food," Liam answered unimpressed with Sean's counting ability.
"I wanted a drink and a box of popcorn, too," Sean said while placing the drinks in the carry tray. It took two trays to hold the seven drinks.
"Oh. Times must really be bad when you have to hire help who eats up all of the food before the guests have a chance to partake of it," Liam said.
"You don't know the worst of it," Sean said.
"The play, though, is very well done. Usually art is the first to suffer when civilization collapses," Liam said.
"You like the movie," Sean said surprised. He didn't think that the magical folks would be able to make sense of the cultural references.
"Well, the actors in your play are all rather flat, but the stage effects are quite good," Liam said pointing over at the screen. He leaned over and said, "That woman would be quite busty if she wasn't so ... flat."
"Ursula Undress?" Sean asked using his mother's name for the actress.
"That's a good name for a nymph," Liam said with approval evident in his voice.
"She's not flat. That's just a picture of her," Suzie said once she realized what Liam was saying.
"Ah, that's a different matter all together. Where might this nymph be found?" Liam asked.
"I don't know," Suzie answered.
Liam raised his hands and the two trays of drinks and the six boxes of popcorn rose up in the air. He said, "I'll be back for more when we've finished this."
"Okay," Sean said watching Liam walk back to where the others were watching the film. He looked inside the popcorn machine and said, "We're almost out of popcorn."
Suzie said, "I'll make some more before the end of the movie. I'm sure that the parents will want some during the intermission."
Sean took a seat in the chair next to Suzie. He took a sip of his soda and then placed it on the ground beside his chair. Opening up his box of popcorn, he said, "This is going to be interesting."
Wide eyed, Lily appeared beside Sean and said, "I saw you talking to a little man. He was dressed just like the Leprechaun on the cereal box."
"That was Liam and he is a Leprechaun," Sean said. He didn't think that Liam and the others were working too hard to keep the news of their existence quiet.
Lily was silent for a moment looking at the group of little people at the far end of the lawn. She asked, "Does Mom know that he's a Leprechaun?"
"No," Sean answered.
"You know what is going to happen when she learns that, don't you?" Lily said.
Nodding his head, he answered, "She's going to spend all of her time trying to capture him for his pot of gold."
"No more home cooked meals," Lily said shaking her head.
"I forgot all about the stories about catching a Leprechaun," Suzie said realizing that she could have gotten his pot of gold from him that afternoon she had tripped over him.
"Not you, too," Sean said.
Dismissing his concern, she waved a hand at him and said, "You don't hold a friend hostage for gold. I'm worried about Mom. She is going to be chasing him all over."
"We're going to be orphans," Lily said sadly.
"Orphans?" Sean asked.
Lily said, "Mom will spend all of her time chasing the Leprechaun. Dad will spend his free time chasing mom. You and I will be left alone to eat your spaghetti. We'll be orphans."
"You made spaghetti?" Suzie asked looking at Sean in surprise.
"Yes, I did. I followed the recipe and everything," Sean answered.
Lily said, "He did. I was there and saw him do it."
"Wow, I'm impressed," Suzie said imaging Sean in the kitchen wearing a chef hat and cooking up a storm. The idea of a man who knew his way around the kitchen excited her.
"Thank you," Sean said grinning at the praise.
"What recipe did you use for the sauce?" Suzie asked.
"Rago," Sean answered.
"From the jar?" Suzie asked.
"That's right," Sean said.
Nodding her head, Lily said, "It was a real struggle to get the lid off, but he managed."
"Let me get this right. You boiled some noodles and heated a jar of sauce," Suzie said.
"That's right," Sean said proudly.
"It was pretty good even though the noodles were a little hard in the center," Lily said.
"Didn't you check to see if the noodles were done?" Suzie asked.
"They looked done," Sean answered.
Lily said, "Mom always throws a noodle at the wall. If it sticks, she says it is done."
"You didn't tell me that," Sean said looking at Lily.
"You didn't ask," Lily replied.
"You could have tasted it," Suzie said.
"Taste it?"
"Sure, it is food," Suzie said.
"That's true. You could have tasted it," Lily said.
Trying to remember what had been written on the package, Sean said, "I read the instructions that came with the noodles. There was something about some guy named Al Dante on the box. I guess I should have known that Al Dante was cook talk for taste a noodle."
"Al Dante?" Suzie asked staring at Sean. It dawned on her what he was saying. She said, "It is al dente and means that the noodle is firm, but not hard."
"Oh, I was really curious about that Inferno connection," Sean said.
Curious, Suzie asked, "Where does the Inferno enter into it?"
"You know, gluttony is one of the dastardly sins that will get you a ringside seat in hell," Sean answered.
Suzie shook her head and said, "Lily, you can come over to my house and eat any time you want."
"Thank you. You have no idea how much that offer means to a poor little orphan girl like me," Lily said.
"You're welcome," Suzie said.
"Can I go talk to the Leprechaun?" Lily asked.
Sean looked over at the group seated at the far end of the yard. He didn't see any reason that she couldn't talk to them. He said, "Sure."
"This is going to be fun," Lily said running over to the swing to get her soda and popcorn.
Worried, Suzie asked, "Are you sure that it will be okay?"
"I'm sure that Lily will be fine. The Dwarves and Liam have all been perfect gentlemen," Sean said.
"I am more worried about them than Lily," Suzie said.
"Why?"
Suzie said, "She's going to talk them into conjuring up some oyster ice cream and getting them to try it."
"Maybe I ought to warn them," Sean said with a frown.