The afternoon at the Dairy King had been hot. Sean felt like he had sweated ten gallons of water by the time it was over. He trudged home looking forward to a cool shower and a lazy evening. He stopped at the fork in the path leading to Suzie's house and muttered, "I don't think I'm up for a visit tonight."
He thought about the skimpy bathing suit and then said, "Who am I kidding? I'm always up for a visit with Suzie."
He continued on his way home thinking about how nice it was that he didn't have anything planned for the evening. All he wanted to do was take a cold shower and a nap. He reached his backyard and spotted the billboard standing at the far end of the yard. There was a large sheet thrown over it. He muttered, "I'd look to see what she wrote, but that is just too much effort."
He entered the house. His mother was at the kitchen table looking over a list. She looked up and asked, "How was your miserable day?"
"Hot and miserable," Sean said.
She smiled and said, "That's nice. Now go take a shower. Suzie will be over here any minute now for your date."
"What date?" Sean asked. He didn't remember setting up a date with Suzie.
"It is Friday night," his mother answered as if that explained everything.
"So?"
"Everyone knows that Friday night is date night," she said.
"I didn't ask her out," Sean said.
His mother snorted and said, "Of course you didn't, I did."
"Oh. Where am I taking her on this date?" Sean asked.
"To dinner at the Surf and Turf," his mother answered.
"That's nice of me. I must have put a lot of thought into it," Sean said.
"You did," his mother said, "Now go take a shower before she gets here."
"Okay," Sean said looking forward to a shower. He headed towards the hallway.
"Lily is going with you," his mother said.
Sean stopped and turned back to look at his mother. He said, "I'm not taking a shower with Lily."
"She's not going to the shower with you. She's going on your date with you," his mother said.
He figured that she was getting him and Lily out of the house so that she could put up the billboard in front of the movie theater. He asked, "What kind of date is it when you take your little sister along with you?"
"The kind of date that your mother arranges for you," his mother answered.
"That makes sense," Sean said. He and Suzie hadn't had a chance to really be alone with each other since the day that their mothers had been arrested. He suspected that it was intentional on their part.
"Now go take your shower," his mother said.
The shower did wonders for Sean. The cold water cooled him down and woke him up. Returning to his bedroom, he found that his mother had laid out some clothes for him. They were rather dressy for around town. Frowning, he asked, "What is she up to?"
Leaving his bedroom, Sean found that Suzie was waiting for him at the kitchen table. Her mother and father were there talking to his parents. Sean frowned at seeing her parents there.
His mother was up to something and the fact that Suzie's parents were involved worried him.
Putting on his best smile, he said, "Hello, everyone."
"How was your miserable day?" his father asked.
"Hot and miserable," Sean answered.
"That's nice," his father said.
"I drove past the Dairy King this afternoon while I was running some errands for your mother. I was really impressed by the job you did in painting it. The place looks new," Mr. Emery said.
"Suzie picked out the colors and painted the trim," Sean said wondering what kind of errands his mother would give to Mr. Emery.
"It really looks sharp," his father said.
"Thanks," Sean said.
Lily entered the kitchen wearing a nice outfit. She said, "I'm ready to spoil your date."
"That's nice," Sean said.
Suzie looked over at Lily in surprise and asked, "She's going with us?"
"Of course dear," her mother answered. Seeing the look of dismay on her daughter's face, she added, "How else can we ruin your date?"
"There's nothing like having a chaperone along on a date to cool the passions," Mr. Emery said.
Hugging Lily, her mother said, "Remember what I told you. When they start kissing you are supposed to make all kinds of loud comments."
"Yes, mother," Lily said with a giggle. She pointed a finger towards her mouth and said, "Gag me with a spoon. Get a room you two."
"Perfect," his mother said with more than a little pride in her voice.
"I couldn't have done that any better myself," Mrs. Emery said with a twinkle in her eye.
"Thank you. I've been practicing," Lily said.
Suzie's initial expectations for the date had taken a beating since learning that Lily was going along with them. She shook her head and muttered, "I'm going to die a virgin."
"That's the plan," Mr. Emery said pleased to hear that his daughter was still a virgin. He gave Sean a rather unfriendly look that suggested he wasn't going to be happy when he learned otherwise.
"Nonsense. That's not the plan at all," her mother said. Seeing the surprised look on Suzie's face, she added, "We're just building up the suspense so that when it finally happens you'll be disappointed."
"So disappointed that you join a nunnery and live the rest of your life practicing vows of silence," Sean's mother said.
"And I'll have an excuse to kill him," Mr. Emery said cracking his knuckles.
Looking sad, Mrs. Emery said, "It is a shame that he'll have to die. We just couldn't come up with any other way to avoid having to pay for a huge wedding."
"I keep forgetting that part of the plan," Mr. Emery said looking over at Sean with a smile. Sean swore that Mr. Emery had filed his teeth down into wicked looking fangs.
"The great part of this plan is that I won't have to pay his way through college," his father said.
"It is a rather economical solution to all of our problems," his mother said.
"There is a method to our madness," Mrs. Emery said patting Suzie on the arm.
"More like a madness to your method," Sean said.
After glancing at the clock, his mother said, "There are still a lot of things to do. You kids run along on your date so that we can get to the serious business of getting things ready for tonight."
Suzie rose from her chair and asked, "Where are we going?"
"We're going to the Surf and Turf. I'm going to eat fried shrimp until I barf," Lily said.
"Please don't barf," Suzie said thinking this was going to turn into the date from hell.
"Remember, you have to be back at eight," his mother said.
This was the first that Sean had heard of that. Shocked, he said, "Eight?"
"Isn't that a little early to end a date?" Suzie asked. Even with Lily along they should have been able to stay out until nine.
"We have our plans and they require you to be home at eight. Now run along and have a perfectly horrible date," Mrs. Emery said giving a little shooing gesture towards the door.
Sean and Suzie left the house holding hands. Lily skipped along beside them and said, "Now the mushy stuff starts."
Thinking about the effort the mothers had made in setting up the date, Sean said, "We're going to have to bail all four of them out of jail tonight."
"Why?" Suzie asked.
Sean said, "Mom had Dad build a billboard. They're going to put it up tonight across the street from the movie theater."
"Will the policeman give me candy if I haven't been arrested?" Lily asked.
"I'm sure that they will," Sean said.
"Good," Lily said.
Puzzled, Suzie said, "I have a hard time believing that they talked my dad into doing something like that. He was pretty upset about mom getting arrested."
"Why? I kind of enjoyed it," Lily said.
Sean shook his head and said, "We'll worry about it later."
After a short drive, the three young people entered the Surf and Turf. The hostess looked up from the little seating chart that was marked up with a grease pencil. She had been busy drawing little hearts all over it. She asked, "Do you have a reservation?"
"I have many reservations. Which one do you want?" Sean asked. The hostess looked to be about three years older than him.
The young woman frowned and asked, "What's the name?"
"Sean Connery Michaels."
The young woman looked over the list and said, "We don't have a reservation in that name."
"Of course you don't. You didn't know I was coming here. If you did, you'd have a lot of reservations too," Sean said. Suzie rolled her eyes. Lily grinned.
"Are you famous or something?" the hostess asked.
"That was a joke," Suzie said.
"Apparently it wasn't a good one," Sean said.
Lily said, "You can say that again."
"You're going to have to wait," the hostess said.
Sean looked around and saw that there were a lot of empty tables. He asked, "Why?"
"We need to keep a table clear in case someone with a reservation shows up," the hostess said.
Her boss told her to send walk-ins to the bar for ten minutes. She said, "If you had a reservation, then I could seat you right away."
"Can I make a reservation?" Sean asked.
The woman frowned and then said, "I guess so."
"Good. I'd like a reservation," Sean said.
"The name?"
Lily slapped a hand to her forehead and muttered, "She's falling for it."
"Sean Connery Michaels."
"What time?" the woman asked.
"Six thirty," Sean answered after glancing at his watch.
"Okay," the woman said writing down the time. "How many are in your party?"
"Three," Sean answered.
"Okay."
"Excellent," Sean said. He took a step back and then a step forward. He said, "I have a reservation for six thirty. The name is Sean Connery Michaels."
The young woman looked over the list and said, "Oh, I see it right here."
"Good," Sean said with a smile.
"I'll take you to your table," the hostess said while gathering together three menus from the little rack.
Curious, Suzie asked, "Did you go to school here?"
"Yes. I graduated three years ago," the woman answered heading over towards an area filled with empty tables. She didn't bother to look back to see if they were following her.
Suzie said, "Somehow, I don't find the idea of that very comforting at all."
"Huh?" the woman said looking at Suzie with a puzzled expression on her face.
"Are you a natural blond?" Lily asked following behind the hostess.
"I'm not a blond. I'm a brunette," the hostess answered.
Lily said, "Oh. I thought you had dyed your hair brown."
Seeing that Lily's comment went right past the woman, Sean said, "I'm in the food industry service myself. How do you like your job?"
"It is okay. Sometimes it gets a little confusing when it gets busy," the hostess said.
"I'm not surprised," Lily said.
"I'm the number two man in our chain," Sean said.
Suzie laughed at that characterization of his job and said, "It is one store. That makes it a link, not a chain."
Lily put a finger to her lips and said, "Shh. He's bragging about nothing. Mom would be so proud of him."
"Thank you, Lily," Sean said.
Suzie said, "He's good at that."
"Yes, he is. He has a lot of nothing to brag about," Lily said.
"Thank you, Lily," Sean said. He stopped beside the hostess who was standing amidst a couple of empty tables. Suzie and Lily joined him. They stood around looking at the hostess wondering where they were supposed to sit.
After a moment, she asked, "Why aren't you sitting?"
"Which one is our table?" Sean asked.
The hostess stamped her foot and said, "I always forget to tell people that."
Suzie said, "Don't worry. I'm sure that in a few years you'll be the best hostess in town."
"Thank you," the hostess said. She looked around at the four empty tables and said, "Oh, take anyone you want."
"Thank you," Sean said.
The hostess managed to pass out the menus without incident. She left the table without a word.
Suzie said, "I think they have her picture next to the phrase dumb as a rock."
"Don't insult rocks. They might be hard on the exterior, but ... Well, they're hard in the interior too. Despite that all that hardness, they are sensitive about negative comments concerning their intelligence," Sean said.
Their waitress bounced over to the table and said, "Hello, Suzie. Hello, Sean."
"Hello, Debbie," Sean said feeling sick to his stomach. She was in their class at school and never let a chance to insult him pass.
"Hello, Debbie," Suzie said.
"Sean, I heard you were working over at the Dairy King," Debbie said.
"Yes. I'm the number two man there," Sean said.
"I heard that you were the fry boy over there. If you work real hard maybe you could become a hostess here," Debbie said brightly.
"I fear that I would never be able to be the hostess here," Sean said.
Debbie said, "That's right. It is too challenging for you."
"No. The operation is too expensive," Sean said.
Getting a little irritated, Lily muttered, "They should rename this place the Dumb and Nasty."
Debbie looked over at Suzie and asked, "What are you doing going out with Sean? You can do a whole lot better than him. He's the weird kid in school. You don't want to be seen with him."
"I find myself utterly unable to resist weird," Suzie answered with a forced smile.
Debbie snorted and said, "If you want weird, you've got Mad Max living next to you. He spent some time in a padded cell."
"Don't talk that way about Max," Sean said with a frown. It was hard to believe how fast people could turn against someone. He didn't like it at all.
"It is just one loon looking out for another. One of these days they are going to get their hands on you and you'll never get out of the psyche ward," Debbie said.
Sean looked over at the table behind Debbie and ordered three sugar packets to hit her in the rear. Debbie whirled around and shouted, "Who did that?"
"Did what?" Suzie asked. She had seen the packets fly from the other table and patted Sean on the thigh.
"Someone pinched me on the butt," Debbie said rubbing her ass.
"You must be imagining things. There's no one there," Sean said.
"I'm not crazy like you. Someone pinched me on the butt and it hurt," Debbie said.
Sean said, "Well, turn around, lift your skirt, and we'll check out your ass to make sure that there aren't any marks."
Debbie said, "Pervert!"
Lily said, "All boys his age are perverts."
Although she wasn't too thrilled with the idea of Sean checking out Debbie's butt, Suzie had to laugh at her. She deserved everything that Sean was doing to her. She said, "You're so bad."
"I'm just trying to be helpful," Sean said. He sent two more packets of sugar on a collision path with her butt.
Debbie jumped and spun around ready to kill. She said, "I'm going to kill whoever is doing that!"
"Doing what?" Sean asked innocently.
Debbie glared at Sean. If he wasn't across the table from her, she'd have accused him of doing that. She said, "Someone is pinching me on the butt."
"There's no one there," Lily said. She leaned over to Sean and said, "I think she's imagining things."
"I agree. She must be crazy," Sean said with a smile at Debbie.
Snarling at him, Debbie said, "You're driving me crazy!"
Suzie said, "Sean has that effect on a lot of people."
"True," Lily said.
"I'm not crazy," Debbie said. She looked down and noticed the sugar packets on the floor. She looked around and spotted the bartender at the other end of the room. He noticed her looking at him and smiled at her before turning back to his work. She stormed over to him and started yelling at him.
Watching the action taking place across the room, Suzie said, "That Debbie is such a bitch."
Lily said, "The service is a whole lot better when Mom and Dad are here."
"I wonder if she's ever going to take our order," Sean said. Things were really heating up at the far end of the room. It appeared that the bartender wasn't exactly happy about the things that Debbie was saying to him.
"We might have to stop by the Dairy King for a burger at this rate," Suzie said.
Lily said, "I'd rather not. Ever since he got that stupid job, we've been eating hamburger every night. Mom says that he craves hamburger."
"I'm sure he does," Suzie said.
Sean watched the action at the far end of the room. Feeling sorry for the bartender, he said,
"I'm so looking forward to returning to school."
"It won't be so bad this year," Suzie said. She didn't have to force any hopefulness in her voice.
She had a feeling that with the use of a little magic that life at school this year would be a lot different for Sean.
"I'm a geek," Sean said. He gestured in Debbie's direction and said, "The kids like her will make my life miserable just like they've always done."
Lily shook her head and said, "You aren't a geek. You don't play computer games all day. You're a nerd."
"Are you sure? I'm pretty positive that I'm a geek," Sean said.
"She's right. You are a nerd," Suzie said.
Accepting their decision as final, Sean said, "It doesn't change anything. Geeks and nerds get treated the same way."
"That's true," Lily said.
Sean looked at Lily and said, "You're going into second grade. What do you know about geeks and nerds?"
Looking at Sean as if he were an idiot, Lily answered, "I know a lot. The geeks in first grade already have laptops. The cool people have designer clothes and cell phones. The nerds lack the same social skills as the geeks, but they don't have any of the neat toys."
"What are you?" Sean asked.
"I'm a nerd," Lily answered shrugging her shoulders. She shook her head and said, "You can't believe how dumb everyone in my class is. They are all such linear thinkers. Mom would eat them up and spit them out in one minute."
Still angry about the episode with the sugar packets, Debbie came back to the table and said, "I need your orders."
Lily said, "I'll have a shrimp cocktail, the fried shrimp dinner, and shrimp ice cream for dessert."
Debbie frowned and said, "We don't have shrimp ice cream."
"Why not?" Lily asked sweetly.
Sean nudged Suzie and whispered, "This ought to be good."
"Because it would taste horrible," Debbie said answering Lily's question.
"How do you know?" Lily asked.
"I know because I know."
"Have you ever tried it?" Lily asked.
"I'm too smart to try it," Debbie said. She muttered, "The nuts don't fall far from the tree in that family."
Lily heard the comment and her smile got even bigger. She asked, "How many people order ice cream after eating shrimp?"
"Lots," Debbie said.
"Let's see if I've got this straight. After eating a whole shrimp dinner, people order ice cream."
"That's right," Debbie said.
"Would you agree that after eating a whole shrimp dinner that people have the taste of shrimp still in their mouths?" Lily asked.
"Yes," Debbie said.
"People then eat ice cream," Lily said.
"Yes," Debbie said.
"Aha! We are making progress," Lily said triumphantly.
"She's only eight," Sean said proudly to Suzie.
Lily said, "The flavor of the ice cream and the flavor of the shrimp must mix in their mouth. If the two flavors were terrible together, people wouldn't want to eat ice cream after their dinner."
"I guess," Debbie said with a frown.
"People love having ice cream after eating a shrimp dinner." Lily said, "We have to conclude that shrimp ice cream would taste good."
Debbie shook her head and said, "I guess so."
Going in for the kill, Lily asked, "Are you a natural blond?"
"No, I'm a brunette," Debbie said.
"You could have fooled me," Lily said. "I'll have vanilla ice cream for dessert."
Patting Lily on the back, Sean said, "That was magnificently done."
"What is your order?" Debbie asked turning to Suzie.
Suzie answered, "I'll have the Caesar Salad with shrimp."
Looking at Sean, Debbie asked, "Well, weirdo, what are you having?"
"I'll order for him," Suzie said.
Surprised, Sean said, "Okay."
"Sean will have the oysters on the half shell, the fried oyster dinner, and oyster ice cream,"
Suzie said winking at Sean. Patting his hand, she said, "You know what they say about oysters."
"We don't have oyster ice cream," Debbie said rolling her eyes.
Suzie smiled and asked, "Why not?"