"Morning, Sam," Sean said putting a cup of coffee on the counter.
"You look horrible," Sam said.
"I'm sure that I look better than I feel," Sean said. He had never had coffee, but hoped that it would help jump start his brain.
"Bad night?" Sam asked. Sean had dark bags under his eyes. It looked like he was having a hard time focusing. The only time Sam looked like that was after pulling an all-nighter studying for a test at college.
"Great night," Sean answered.
"Oh, I get it. You've got a hangover," Sam said nodding his head knowingly. He'd had a few mornings like that.
"Nope," Sean said. He shook his head and tried to focus his eyes. He said, "Late night and early morning. I only had about three hours of sleep."
"It wouldn't happen to have anything to do with your mother?" Sam asked.
"My mother? What do you mean?" Sean asked. His face was scrunched in confusion while he tried to figure out what Sam meant. The date had driven all thoughts about his mother's time spent in jail. Little details started returning to him.
"Did you happen to see the paper?" Sam asked gesturing to the stack of the local papers next to the counter. The paper came out twice a week. He didn't know it, but they had literally stopped the press to incorporate the article about Sean's mother. In middle of a slow news time for a slow news city, charges of disturbing the peace and trespassing almost constituted a crime spree.
"No," Sean answered. He wondered why his mother hadn't mentioned anything about her little trip to jail over breakfast. Now that he thought of it, his mother had been rather quiet that morning.
"Your mother is on the front page," Sam said.
Sean yawned and rubbed his eyes. He asked, "Does it have her picture?"
"Uh, yes," Sam answered wondering what Sean's reaction would be to the picture they had used in the paper.
Sean reached over and grabbed a copy of the newspaper. He looked at the front page and focused his eyes on the picture. He said, "Oh, they used that one. She'll be glad to see that."
"She's got her eyes crossed and is sticking out her tongue at the camera," Sam said looking down at the picture. The only reason he had even read the paper that morning was because of the picture.
"I know. It is the picture of her that they have over at the movie theater," Sean said. He said,
"She gets that picture in the paper about once a year; sometimes twice a year. She doesn't normally get on the front page like this."
"Is she going to sue?" Sam asked. If such an unflattering picture of him was ever published in a newspaper, he would definitely sue.
"No, she provided them with the picture years ago. This is just another article about her that is going to go in her scrapbook," Sean answered.
"Were you the one that bailed her out?" Sam asked.
"Yes," Sean said.
Shaking his head, Sam said, "They said that you were very mature in dealing with the situation."
"I'm in the article?" Sean asked putting the paper back on the stack from which he had gotten it.
"Yes. Aren't you going to buy it?" Sam asked.
"No. My mother will buy a couple dozen copies," Sean answered shrugging his shoulders.
"It must be weird growing up with a mother like that," Sam said.
Sean yawned and said, "Not really. It is just that about once a year, she and Mrs. Emery decide that it is time to raise a little hell."
"Strange," Sam said. He decided that normal was whatever you grew up with.
"Hey, are you going to stand there gabbing all day or are you going pay for that stuff?" the guy standing in line behind Sean asked.
"Decisions, decisions. Let me think about it," Sean answered.
"I don't have all day," the man groused. He was holding a gallon of milk. He added, "I've got to get this home for the kid's breakfast and then head off to work."
Sam rolled his eyes. It never failed that Sean was the source of complaints whenever he came in the store first thing in the morning. He rang up the coffee and said, "The coffee is a dollar ten."
Sean said, "That's outrageous. A can of soda costs half that. You should be ashamed of yourself."
"Why should I be ashamed?" Sam asked.
"Soda has a lot more ingredients and comes in an expensive metal can. This has one ingredient and comes in a cheap paper cup," Sean said pointing at the cup on the counter.
"Over at Buckstars, the coffee is four dollars a cup," Sam said not feeling any shame at all.
"It better taste better than a soda," Sean said eying the cup of coffee with suspicion.
"Come on, kid. Reach in your pocket and get out your money," the guy said. He muttered, "She should have known that we were out of milk last night. Now I'm going to be late for work."
Sean paid for his coffee and stepped out of line. He examined the cup and said, "I bet this stuff is more expensive than gasoline."
"It is," Sam said taking the gallon of milk from the man to scan it.
"I hope it tastes good," Sean said.
"That will be four seventy-nine," Sam said after ringing up the gallon of milk.
"I never realized that milk is more expensive than gasoline," the customer said handing over a five dollar bill.
"So is bottled water," Sam said.
The man looked at Sam and asked, "Are you sure?"
"Yes. At a dollar forty nine for a twenty ounce bottle, a gallon of bottled water costs twice as much as gasoline," Sam said.
"That doesn't make sense," the man said shaking his head. He said, "Water is basically free coming out of the tap."
"It makes perfect sense," Sean said.
"In what way does it make sense?" the man asked.
"Bottled water is worth a dollar forty-nine for a twenty ounce bottle because people pay that much for it," Sean said. Seeing the expression on the guy's face, Sean added, "Tap water is worthless. When did you ever see a commercial urging you to buy tap water?"
"Never," the man admitted.
"There you go," Sean said. He took a sip of his coffee and grimaced while he swallowed it. He said, "Gads, that is horrible. Why would anyone in their right mind drink this stuff?"
"Commercials," the man said picking up his change and the gallon of milk. He headed out the store without a backwards glance.
"He's right," Sam said.
"Darn. I was afraid of that," Sean said. He sighed and said, "I guess I'll just have to learn to like coffee."
"Why?" Sam asked.
"If word gets around that some people don't like coffee, then everyone will know that the commercials have got the facts wrong. Next thing you know, people will stop buying coffee and then they will stop buying bottled water. All those people who fill the little bottles with water will be laid-off. Then the clerks who sell bottled water at convenience stores will lose their jobs.
After that, the entire economy of the country will go down the tubes," Sean said.
"That's real thoughtful of you to protect the economy like that," Sam said.
"I'd hate for you to lose your job," Sean said.
"Well, enjoy your coffee," Sam said shaking his head.
Sean said, "I guess I better get to work."
"I thought you were working at the Dairy King," Sam said. He knew that it didn't open until eleven. That was hours away.
"I am," Sean said.
"Why are you going in there now?" Sam asked.
"I thought I'd practice climbing the corporate ladder," Sean answered.
"Have at it," Sam said shaking his head.
Sean stepped out the convenience store still carrying his cup of coffee. He got about ten yards from the store and tried another sip of the coffee. It didn't taste any better than the first sip. He poured it out on the ground and said, "Sorry Sam, you're going to get laid-off. You could get a job at the Dairy King. Of course, I'd be your supervisor."
Sean paused for a moment while thinking about it. He said, "That would be fun. I could even have him wear a costume and parade around in front of the store. Nah, I couldn't do that even if a penguin outfit would be perfect on a hot day."
Sean arrived at the Dairy King a few minutes later. He got out the packages of sandpaper and a pair of scissors. He carried it all to a picnic table. He yawned and said, "He said the 80 grit paper first and then the 120."
He pulled out two sheets of the 80 grit sandpaper. The guy at the hardware store had told him to cut the sheets to size for the sanding block. Sean didn't plan on using the sanding block, but the idea of cutting it into smaller parts made some sense to him. He cut the large sheets into quarters and ordered each quarter to start sanding. He sat back and watched them work. He grabbed two sheets of the 120 grit sandpaper and cut them into quarters. He ordered them to start sanding the places where the 80 grit sandpaper had already sanded.
Sitting back, he watched the little squares scrub the wall of the building with an energy that no human being could match. The dust created by sanding filled the air. He said, "That's amazing."
The sheets of sandpaper inched across the building working their way left to right and top to bottom. The 80 grit sandpaper worked an area about two feet ahead of the 120 grit sandpaper.
He watched them get through about two passes before his lack of sleep finally caught up to him. He crossed his arms on the table and laid his head down. A few minutes later he was sound asleep.
Sean woke to the sensation of someone poking a finger in his side. Startled, he sat up and looked around. Expecting to find that it was Lily waking him, he was surprised to find a short man dressed in an odd looking green suit staring at him. The little man definitely wasn't human. Sean asked, "Who and what are you?"
"Who and what are you?" asked the short man.
"I'm Sean and I'm a human."
"I'm Liam and I'm a Leprechaun."
"Please to meet you, Liam," Sean said thinking that he should have known that. The man was dressed like a Leprechaun.
"What are you doing?" Liam asked pointing to the building.
Sean looked over at the wall and noticed that the nice square pieces of sandpaper had turned into tattered little scraps. Progress in terms of sanding the wall had slowed to a crawl. It was definitely past time to replace the sandpaper. He answered, "I'm feathering the paint."
Liam looked at Sean for a second and then asked, "Shouldn't you be using a bird for that?"
"You know, I thought that at first too," Sean replied. He picked up a pack of sandpaper and pulled out a sheet. While he cut the sheet into quarters, he said, "It turns out that feathering paint has nothing to do with real feathers. It is all about making things smooth."
"That paper makes things smooth?" Liam asked skeptically.
"It does," Sean answered.
Liam reached out and touched the paper. He said, "It is rough. You'd think it would make things rough."
"It does," Sean said.
"You just told me it makes things smooth," Liam said thinking that he'd show this human that it wasn't good to play games with a Leprechaun.
"That's the strange thing about sandpaper. If the surface is already smooth, it can make it rough. If the surface is rough, it can make it smooth," Sean said looking at the sandpaper. He ordered the first eight pieces to go to the trashcan and sent the pieces he had just cut to replace them.
"That is strange," Liam said.
"I agree with you," Sean said nodding his head.
Liam asked, "How does it know which to do?"
"That's a good question. I have no idea why it works," Sean asked.
Liam ran a hand over the surface of the table and said, "This is rough. Will that paper make it smooth?"
Sean cut another sheet into quarters and ordered one of the quarters to sand the tabletop. He said, "You can see for yourself."
Liam watched the sandpaper go to work on the table. He shook his head after a minute and said, "That is amazing. The only magic involved is in moving the paper."
"Yes," Sean said.
"Have you seen any other Leprechauns around?" Liam asked.
Sean shook his head and said, "You're the first I've seen."
"Oh," Liam said, "I'm sure another one or two will show up eventually."
Sean looked at Liam and said, "I always thought that Leprechauns lived in Ireland."
"We live where we are brought back," Liam said. Leprechauns didn't have a reputation for traveling around much. In fact, they tended to be rather lazy. He looked around and said, "I'll miss the old country. It seems to me that it is a little hotter here than there."
"You can always go back there for a visit," Sean said shrugging his shoulders.
"That's a long way to swim," Liam said. He wasn't going to mention that Leprechauns were lousy swimmers -- they had a tendency to sink. It had something to do with being denser than water.
"You could fly there," Sean said.
Liam laughed at the idea of flying over the ocean and said, "I'm a Leprechaun, not a fairy or a dragon."
"I was thinking more along the lines of you taking an airplane," Sean said.
"What is that?" Liam asked. He climbed up on the table where it had already been sanded and sat down so that he was sitting tailor fashion. He pulled out a long-stemmed pipe and started puffing on it. Without lighting it smoke appeared.
"It is thing that flies through the air. You get on the plane at an airport, it flies to your destination, and then you get off," Sean answered. No one had ever asked him what an airplane was and he didn't think his answer was all that good.
"I don't want to ride on a thing. I'll fall off. That won't kill me, but I won't be very happy when I hit the ground," Liam said. He blew a smoke ring and watched it float off on the breeze.
"You don't ride on top of it. You ride in it," Sean said.
"If I wanted to get eaten, I'd let a dragon eat me. At least it would be large enough to hold me without having to chomp me into little chunks," Liam said. He leaned over and said, "There was a dwarf who got eaten by a dragon once. He has never liked dragons since then. I can't blame him. Of course, the dragon complained of having gas for a year."
"You don't get eaten by an airplane. You enter and exit through a door. There are chairs that you sit in while it flies," Sean said.
"It sounds like a house," Liam said. He blew a smoke heart.
"It is like a house with wings," Sean said. He'd never been on an airplane, but he figured that was a good enough description.
Liam said, "Now I know you're joking. Who ever heard of a house with wings?"
"It isn't really a house, it is an airplane. That's quite a different thing altogether," Sean said.
"That tells me a lot. How do I get in this airplane that is like a house but is not a house?"
"You buy a ticket," Sean answered, "but a ticket to Ireland might cost you a bit of money."
"Ah, they're always after my pot of gold," Liam said shaking his head.
"You don't have to pay them in gold. Just a little money," Sean said.
"Money? And where might I get some money?" Liam asked.
"I guess you'd just get a job," Sean answered shrugging his shoulders.
Liam was shocked at the suggestion that he get a job. He said, "A Leprechaun work for wages?
Are you crazy?"
"Don't call me crazy. I prefer the term eccentric, although I have been known to accept batty,"
Sean answered. He wondered if the magical creatures that were returning were really ready for the twenty-first century. He said, "You're going to have to do something to buy a house and food."
"Leprechauns don't live in houses and we don't need to eat food. We've been known to quaff a pint or two or three or so," Liam said.
Sean said, "I guess that makes sense."
Liam asked, "Did you know that I was the one who picked Merlin to save magic the last time it failed?"
"No, I didn't," Sean answered.
"He was a horny little fellow. We found him chasing a nymph. The amazing thing is he actually caught her. He was always chasing nymphs, but he did an okay job in bringing back the magic.
Too bad that he never got the centaurs back," Liam said. He, along with the nymph and a pixie, had given gifts of magic to Merlin.
"Why not?" Sean asked. He kind of liked the idea of a centaur.
"It requires using lots of the second gift of magic I gave him and Merlin never really figured out how to effectively use it," Liam answered.
"What was the second gift of magic?" Sean asked.
"I'd tell you, but that would ruin the surprise," Liam said. He puffed on his pipe until he was surrounded by a large cloud of smoke.
"That's okay. You can ruin the surprise," Sean said finding his eyes watering from the smoke.
Liam pointed at him with the stem of his pipe and said, "Merlin was impatient too. I think it comes from always chasing nymphs. You remind me of him."
"Thanks, I guess," Sean said.
Still puffing on his pipe, Liam said, "I hope you travel around a bit more than he did. It has been two thousand years since there were dragons in China."
"I'll try to travel," Sean said. He'd never thought of traveling to China.
"You won't be able to bring back dragons until you get your third gift of magic," Liam said. He ran a hand over the table top and said, "That paper is remarkable."
"I agree," Sean said. It had already sanded the entire top and was going to work on the underside of the table. He looked at it for a second and then said, "I hope that I won't get in trouble for this. I don't know if Mr. Catchums will be happy to find out that we'll need to paint this table too."
Sean looked over at the cloud of smoke and realized that he couldn't see Liam. When the smoke dissipated he was surprised to find that Liam was gone. He said, "That was a nifty little trick."
Sean was left pondering the subject of the second and third gifts of magic. He wondered if he should be working a little harder to acquire more gold than the little he had found while cleaning out the garage. After his date with Suzie, he wanted a car of his own more than ever.
The sandpaper's progress across the wall of the building had slowed significantly. He cut more sheets of sandpaper into quarters and sent them to the wall. The previous sheets were sent to the trashcan. He hadn't realized just how much time he had lost because of his little nap. It was well after eight and he hadn't even finished a single side of the building.
He went to work cutting the sandpaper into quarters. When he looked up, he noticed that the sandpaper was just finishing the side of the building. Picking up his stuff, he moved to a picnic table at the front of the building mentally kicking himself for not starting on that side of the building first. He hoped no one noticed the sandpaper when they drove past.
Getting bored, Sean decided that it was time to really speed things up. He sent the whole stack of sandpaper quarters to work on the building. The dust literally flew off the building in a huge cloud. It only took fifteen minutes for the front of the building to be done. Pleased, he said,
"That's more like it."
After he sent the sandpaper to the other side of the building, Sean stood around wondering what he should do. He spotted the ladder where he had set it the day before. Thinking about it being a little suspicious if he never climbed the ladder, he went over and set it up. He climbed to the top of the ladder and took a seat. He adopted an exaggerated frown and shouted,
"Listen up everyone, I'm the boss. You over there! Tot that barge! Lift that bale!"
"That's not mean enough," Sean said. He shouted, "Work! Work! Work! That's all you peons are good for. I demand that you come in early and leave late! You think you deserve the weekends off. Ha! I tell you again, ha! You should be glad you have jobs you ungrateful dogs!"
"Now that sounds like a real boss," Sean said. He rubbed his hands together, laughed maniacally, and then said, "I'll suck up all of the profits from your labor and feed you dirt for your dinner! I'm the boss!"
"Who are you talking to?"
Sean nearly fell off the ladder when he heard Suzie's voice. Turning around and looking down, he saw her standing beside the ladder with her hands on her hips. She looked more than a little amused. Embarrassed, he said, "I'm practicing my employee motivation speeches for when I get to a management position."
"You're trying to motivate them to quit, right?" Suzie said shaking her head.
"Maybe," Sean said looking a little sheepish.
She looked over at the building and said, "You've gotten a lot done."
"Yes, I know," Sean said.
"You might have done a little too much," Suzie said.
Surprised by the unexpected criticism, Sean asked, "What do you mean?"
"I asked Dad how long it would take you to sand the entire building. He said that it would take at least three days and that is only if you are using an electric sander," Suzie answered.
"Uh oh," Sean said realizing that he may have blown it. He bit his lower lip and asked, "How long if a person was doing it by hand?"
"A week or more," Suzie answered.
"That's not good. Mr. Catchums is liable to wonder how I got so much done in such a short period of time," Sean said. He couldn't even think of a believable lie.
"You don't even look like you've been working," Suzie said.
"I didn't think about that," Sean said. He had just a trace of sawdust on him from when the sandpaper had sanded the table. He remembered that he had never ordered it to stop sanding.
He looked over at the table and ordered the sandpaper to stop.
"You should be covered in sawdust," Suzie said looking him over.
Sean climbed down from the ladder and went over to where the paper was sanding the wall. He stood under the cloud of sawdust for a minute and then asked, "How's that?"
"Better," Suzie said. She went over to him. It didn't take long for her to get covered in sawdust as well.
"Hey, you've gotten all dirty. You didn't need to do that," Sean said.
She said, "Now you can tell him that I stopped by and helped you."
"Thank you," Sean said.
"What's a girlfriend for?" Suzie asked with a smile.
Sean stood there trying to figure out how to answer that question. There were just too many answers and he didn't think she'd like most of them. He brushed his hair with his hand dumping a small pile of sawdust from the top of his head and answered, "To love."
Suzie looked at him and said, "Good answer."
"Thanks," Sean said.
"We should move. We probably don't want to overdo it with the sawdust," Suzie said.
Wanting to thank her properly for helping him, Sean leaned over to kiss her. A second later they were both spitting sawdust out of their mouths. Sean said, "Remind me never to kiss you when we're covered in sawdust."
"Good idea," Suzie said trying to wipe her mouth off.