Titus sat back in his chair staring at the wall on which was projected his notes concerning his next appointment. There was absolutely nothing in those notes that gave him a clue regarding the problem being brought to him. If there was a person who defined moderation, then Charlie Black was it. He couldn't imagine a more boring life. He pushed the button on his desk to lower the desktop and turn off the projector.
"Titus!" Irene shouted.
"What?" Titus shouted.
"You're appointment is here!" Irene shouted.
"Send him in," Titus shouted.
A middle aged man entered his office while rubbing his ear. He asked, "Can't you afford an intercom?"
"We have one," Titus answered.
"Why don't you use it?" Charlie asked.
"We prefer to shout," Titus replied.
"It is not very professional," Charlie said.
"I think you'll find that we are very professional in what we do," Titus said. He pointed to a chair and said, "Have a seat."
"Thanks," Charlie said.
Titus said, "Before we get to your problem, there is the matter of payment. Ten dollars and a favor for the first solution and add a zero for each solution after that."
Charlie pulled out a ten dollar bill and handed it over to Titus. Titus handed him a receipt for the ten dollars and then asked, "What is your problem?"
"I'm bored," Charlie answered.
Titus asked, "What do you do for a living?"
"I'm an accountant," Charlie answered.
"Do you like your job?" Titus asked.
"It's okay," Charlie answered with a shrug of his shoulders.
"Do you make good money?" Titus asked.
"Good enough. I don't have any debts," Charlie answered. "Well, we have a mortgage on our house, but the payment isn't too high."
Titus asked, "Do you have any hobbies?"
"No."
Titus asked, "I understand that you have a wife and two kids."
"Yes. I've been married for twenty years," Charlie said.
"Do the kids get into any trouble?" Titus asked.
"No," Charlie answered. "They're good kids. They make As and Bs in school."
"Things are good with your wife?"
"Yes," Charlie answered.
"How about in the bedroom," Titus asked.
Looking around a little nervously, Charlie answered, "We have sex twice a week."
"Anything kinky?" Titus asked.
"No," Charlie answered. "We're strictly vanilla."
Titus asked, "Where did you go for your last vacation?"
"We went to Rat World. When you have kids, your choices of vacation spots are kind of limited. You have to go places they enjoy," Charlie answered.
Titus said, "Let me make sure that I have a good understanding of your life. You have an okay job. You have no debts. You have a reasonable mortgage on your house. You have a wife with whom you are still having satisfactory sexual relations. You have two kids who don't cause you any trouble. You take sedate vacations. Is that about it?"
"Yes," Charlie answered. "That sounds pretty boring, doesn't it?"
"There are a lot of people who would envy you," Titus said.
"I guess," Charlie said. "I just want a little excitement in my life."
Titus asked, "Do you want a girlfriend on the side?"
"No," Charlie answered shocked by the suggestion. He declared, "I love my wife."
"I wouldn't discount the suggestion right off the bat. A psychopathic girlfriend can add a lot of excitement to your life. There aren't too many things more exciting than waking up in the middle of the night only to discover a crazed woman standing over you with a knife in her hand."
"I'd rather not," Charlie said with a frown.
"How about a trip to a war zone?" Titus asked.
"No," Charlie answered.
Titus said, "There are a couple of really good wars going on at the moment. You could have your choice of where to go. Getting shot at can really get the old adrenaline pumping."
"That's not for me," Charlie said. "I don't want to get killed."
"I didn't think so," Titus said. "What you really want is a little adventure without danger."
"I definitely don't want to die," Charlie said.
Titus asked, "What was the most exciting thing that has happened to you in the past year?"
"I almost got a speeding ticket. I drove right by a policeman. Luckily he must have looking the other way," Charlie answered.
Titus asked, "How fast were you going?"
"I was doing sixty eight in a sixty five mile per hour zone," Charlie answered.
"That's really pushing it," Titus said.
Charlie said, "What can I say? I'm a law abiding citizen."
Titus pulled out a large envelope and rummaged through his desk drawer. He pulled out a couple of brochures, papers, and business cards. He stuffed them into the envelope before handing it to Charlie. With a smile on his face, he said, "There you go."
"What's this?" Charlie asked.
"That's the solution to your problem," Titus said.
Charlie asked, "What is it?"
"Inside that envelope you will find brochures for summer camps for your two kids. You'll want to ship them off while you are having the adventure of a lifetime. You will also find a sheet of websites to adventure filled vacations for you and your wife. You know, vacations including activities like white water rafting, archeological digs, or a stay at a dude ranch. I would suggest you consider the race car driving school," Titus answered.
"Race car driving school?" Charlie asked looking very surprised.
Titus said, "I thought that might be of interest to you."
"I never thought about that," Charlie said. "No speed limits. I kinda like the idea of that."
Titus said, "You could end the course with a little race between you and your wife. A little side bet could add a little adventure to your bedroom, too."
"Hmm," Charlie said.
Titus said, "The nice thing about this solution is that you can use it every year. This summer you could try race car driving. Next summer, you could try white water rafting."
"Aren't vacations supposed to be relaxing?" Charlie asked.
"You're bored. Do you really need a sedate vacation?" Titus asked.
"You're right," Charlie said jumping out of his chair. "I'm going home to talk to the wife. We've got a vacation to plan."
Titus watched the man leave the office. He rubbed his hands together and said, "Another satisfied customer."
"Titus!"
"What?"
"Your next appointment is here!"
"Send her in!"
A relatively attractive woman entered the office. Without waiting to be invited to take a seat, she sat down on the chair. Having done a thorough background investigation on her, Titus knew this was going to be a very tough problem.
She announced, "My name is Ellen Metgers and I want to get married."
Titus said, "Before we get to your problem, there is the matter of payment. Ten dollars and a favor for the first solution and add a zero for each solution after that."
"What kind of favor?" she asked.
"I won't know until I need something that you can do for me," Titus answered. It was another of those frequently asked questions for which the answer was basically automatic.
"Is it sex? I don't do sex," Ellen answered.
"No, it won't be sex," Titus answered.
"Okay, just so long as it isn't sex. I don't do sex," Ellen said rather forcefully.
"So let's take care of the payment," Titus said.
"Ten dollars is a lot of money," Ellen said.
"Some people find that having a solution to their problem is priceless. Ten dollars is cheap," Titus said.
Ellen said, "I guess so."
She rummaged through her oversized purse for a minute before retrieving a five and five ones. She handed them over to Titus and said, "I want to get married."
Titus handed her a receipt.
He studied her for a moment before he said, "You're an attractive woman. I imagine there are a lot of men who would be interested in marrying you."
"Yes, there are," she said.
"So what's the problem?" Titus asked.
"They all want sex. I don't do sex," she replied.
"Ah," Titus said. "Why do you want to get married?"
"I want children," she answered.
"You can adopt children," Titus said.
"No. I want children the natural way," she said.
"How are you going to have children if you don't have sex with your husband?" Titus asked.
"I don't know. I don't do sex," she said.
Titus said, "I suppose that you want a husband who is incapable of having sex."
"No. How can I have children if he can't have sex?" she asked.
"So you will have sex with him," Titus said.
"No. I don't do sex."
"Okay," Titus said. "Is there any reason you don't do sex?"
"No. I just don't like the idea of doing sex. It is disgusting," she said.
"Have you ever had sex?" Titus asked.
"No," she answered.
"Have you ever been raped or inappropriately groped?" he asked.
"No," she answered. "I'm not that kind of girl."
"There's not a kind of girl who gets raped or inappropriately groped. The woman has no choice in matters like that," Titus said.
"I know that," she said. "I've never been raped, groped, or fondled."
Titus said, "So you just don't like the idea of sex."
"Right. The whole idea of it is disgusting."
Titus said, "Let me make sure that I understand your problem. You want to get married to a virile man so that you can have his children, but you don't want to have sex with him."
"I'm not going to have sex with him," she said.
"Doesn't that sound a little contradictory to you?" Titus asked.
"That's my problem," she replied.
Titus said, "I can see that."
"You are going to say that I need to see a psychiatrist. I'm not going to a psychiatrist," she said.
"You don't think that addressing your issues about sex will solve your problem?" Titus asked.
"I've already tried that. I've been to social workers, sex therapists, and psychiatrists. After seeing all those experts, I still don't do sex."
Titus rubbed his chin while thinking about her problem. He had known this was going to be a tough problem. Finally, he said, "If recall correctly, you own your own company - a real estate management firm."
"Yes, I'm a business woman," she said. "I'm very successful at it. I manage six business properties."
"So I take it you really understand business principles," Titus said.
"Yes," she said.
"Excellent. I think that is the key to solving your problem," Titus said.
He pulled out a small envelope and a business card. He smiled while looking over the business card. He stuffed it into the envelope and handed it over to Ellen. She looked at the envelope skeptically.
"What's this?" she asked.
"That is the solution to your problem. Inside that envelop is the business card for a very capable business woman. If anyone can solve your problem, then it would be her," Titus said.
"Is she a matchmaker?" Ellen asked.
"No," Titus said with a smile. "She's a business woman. She's very successful at her business. You need to talk to her about her business, business woman to business woman."
"Who is it?" Ellen asked.
"Lily Dillbane," Titus said.
"I've never heard of her," Ellen said. "Is she a member of the Chamber of Commerce?"
"Not locally. She owns thirty stores across the state. I understand that she does close to fifty million dollars in sales every year," Titus said.
"That's impressive. I'd like to meet to her," Ellen said.
"I'll let her know to expect your call," Titus said. "She'll set aside a day to meet with you."
"I'm kind of surprised that you can arrange for me to meet her."
"She owes us a favor," Titus said.
"Is she a past client?" Ellen asked.
Titus said, "I can't comment on that, but I think you'll find her product line very interesting."
"What's she sell?"
"Adult novelties," Titus answered.