Irene asked, "What are you looking at?"
Stephen answered, "You are wearing makeup."
"Yes, I am," Irene replied.
"Did you change your hair?" Stephen asked.
"Yes, I did," Irene answered.
Stephen said, "I've never seen that dress before."
"It is new," Irene said. "Claudia and I went shopping last weekend."
"Irene is in love," Stephen said pronouncing love more like 'luv.'
Magus stepped out of his office and said, "Wonderful powers of deduction, Titus. Do you care to guess the identity of her love interest?"
"It wouldn't happen to be Leland Bowne, would it?"
"Nailed it in one," Magus said.
"Considering that it is stamped on her forehead, how could I miss?" Stephen said.
Irene wrinkled her face at Stephen and said, "It isn't stamped on my forehead."
"So how is Leland Bowne?" Stephen asked.
"He's the nicest man I've ever met," Irene answered.
Stephen and Magus looked at each other. Finally, Magus asked, "What are we? Chopped liver?"
"You are two of the most egotistical, self-centered, loud, obnoxious, infuriating, and strange men that I've ever met," Irene said pleasantly.
"You left out nice," Stephen said raising his right hand with the forefinger extended to make a point.
Magus leaned over to Stephen and, in a stage whisper, said, "She sugar coated it. Wait until you hear what she really thinks of us."
"I can't wait," Stephen said.
"Do you remember when she was shy?"
"I do. Do you remember when she was meek?"
"I do. She used to be mousy."
"I remember when she was timid."
Wistfully, Magus said, "Those were the days."
"Yes," Stephen said. "Something intrinsically evil must have possessed her."
Together the two men pointed at each other and said, "It must have been your influence."
Irene shivered and then said, "This is scary."
Further discussion was interrupted when a man entered the office. He looked at the group gathered in front of Irene's desk and asked, "Is one of you Titus?"
Stephen was not aware that he had an appointment and immediately checked the schedule on Irene's desk. There wasn't one. He answered, "I'm Titus."
The man stepped over to Stephen and handed him an envelope. In an officious voice, he said, "You've been served."
"What did you say?" Stephen asked wondering if he had misheard something.
"You've been served," the man said and then left the office.
Stephen stood there staring at the envelope like it was a snake. Slowly, he opened the envelope and extracted the paperwork inside. He read the first page and then shouted, "I'm getting sued for a million dollars!"
"Interesting," Magus said with a smile.
Irene said, "Oh my. That is a lot of money."
Stephen turned around as if seeking an answer from somewhere in the room. He took a few steps towards his office and then turned to take a few steps back to where he had been standing. He repeated the short voyage several times. Frantic, he shouted, "Ahhhh! Uhhh! Magus, what am I going to do?"
"You can run around in circles, scream, and shout," Magus said.
Stephen paused in performing his nervous movements and asked, "What good would that do?"
"I don't know, but that's what you're doing right now," Magus answered with amusement written all over his face.
Stephen said, "I guess I should calm down."
"That would a start," Magus said.
"Why am I getting sued?" Stephen asked staring at the papers in his hand.
Magus said, "That is a good question."
Deciding that the answer probably was in the papers that had been handed him, Stephen read them with a little more care. After reaching the last page, he said, "I don't even know who this is. Some woman says that I maliciously and intentionally destroyed her livelihood."
"That would be the complaint, but not the reason," Magus said.
Stephen asked, "What is the reason?"
Magus said, "You've done the unforgiveable."
"What is that?" Stephen asked wondering what unforgiveable thing he had done. He was unaware that he had done anything wrong.
"You are helping people. Don't you know that no good deed goes unpunished?" Magus answered.
Stephen said, "I've heard that expression before."
"There's a lot of truth to it," Magus said with a sigh. "That is one of the occupational hazards of this career. You solve someone's problem, they discover they are unhappy about having gotten rid of their problem, and then they sue you for helping them. It happens all of the time."
"That's stupid," Stephen said.
Magus shook his head and said, "No. It is human nature. Some people define themselves by the problems in their life. If they actually get rid of all of their problems, then they are nothing."
"I've heard of people defining themselves by their job, but not their problems," Stephen said thinking about it.
Magus said, "That's not the only reason you'll get sued. Sometimes your solution for someone creates problems for someone else."
"I thought we were in the business of providing solutions and not creating problems," Stephen said.
"We are. Of course, that only holds for our clients," Magus said. "Sometimes our solutions negatively impact others."
"How?" Stephen asked.
Magus said, "Take for example the cheating spouse of a client. We point the client in the direction of getting a divorce. All of a sudden the cheating spouse is in a world of hurt. The security that was at home is destroyed, money gets tight, and their friends turn against them. I would say that person has suddenly got a lot of problems."
"That's true," Stephen said.
"People can rationalize things to the point of being absolutely convinced that they are doing nothing wrong. When they suddenly suffer from the consequences of their actions, they are angry at whoever brought about the consequences," Magus said.
"I never thought about that," Stephen said.
Magus said, "That is why we have Igor and Hagar. Sometimes people react violently in their anger."
Hearing about people reacting violently, Irene began to get worried. She asked, "Am I in any danger?"
"I guess I understood that. That's why you had security put on us after that little incident with the organized crime family and the crooked vice cop," Stephen said.
She asked, "Am I in any danger?"
"You're not in any real danger, Irene. Titus and I are the ones who bear the brunt of the danger. If it could get out of hand, we'll hire bodyguards for you," Magus said.
"I don't know what to think of that," Irene said. The idea of needing a bodyguard was a little scary. She didn't respond well to violence and tended to cower.
Magus said, "Igor was your bodyguard after we got you away from your ex-husband. You were quite happy about that."
"I was," Irene said.
Magus said, "We have an instant intimidation on demand firm on retention. You can always call them if there's a problem with an overly aggressive person in your life. It is one of the employee benefits."
"An instant intimidation on demand firm?" Irene asked.
"A security firm with lots of big ugly looking security gorillas working for it," Magus clarified.
"That's nice to know," Irene said.
Stephen said, "I didn't know that it was an employee benefit."
"Now you do," Magus said. He sighed and said, "I guess it is time to cover the dark side of our business."
"Dark side?" Stephen asked.
"That sounds nasty," Irene said.
Magus said, "Sometimes people try to shutdown our business, take our assets in revenge, or use our services for their ill-gotten gain. They would like to prevent us from continuing our business of solving problems for others."
"Like the organized crime family," Stephen said.
"Yes. Also like the person suing you," Magus said tapping the sheaf of papers in Stephen's hand.
"Okay," Stephen said.
Magus said, "They are creating problems for us and for all of our future clients. We have to solve the problem. There is a principle involved."
"I can see that," Stephen said.
"People who maliciously create problems for us need to be punished," Magus said.
Stephen said, "I understand."
Magus said, "So what will you do about that lawsuit?"
Stephen was quiet for a moment while thinking about it. Finally, he said, "I guess I need to learn everything that I can about the person who is suing me."
"That's a start," Magus said nodding his head in agreement.
"Then I need to figure out what is motivating them to sue me," Stephen said with a frown. He still found it hard to believe that he was being sued.
"Excellent," Magus said nodding his head. "Then what?"
"I guess I would expose their motives to the world?" Stephen asked reaching for an answer to Magus' question.
"Exactly," Magus said. "What would that accomplish?"
Stephen said, "Since they are motivated by something bad, exposing their motives will turn attention to them and away from us. Society will punish them somehow or I could countersue."
"Yes," Magus said.
Stephen was quiet for a moment and then asked, "What if it is all just a misunderstanding?"
"Excellent question," Magus said looking inordinately pleased. "Why don't you try answering it?"
"I guess we could try to resolve the misunderstanding," Stephen answered.
"Exactly," Magus said with a smile. He was quiet for a moment to allow Stephen to think a little more about his answer. He then asked, "What if it is grief?"
"Grief?" Stephen asked.
"Yes. Like a doctor who is unable to save a patient. The family might demand restitution because of their grief despite the fact that it wasn't an instance of incompetence or negligence on the part of the doctor," Magus said.
"That's a little tougher," Stephen said.
Nodding his head, Magus said, "That's right."
"If you go after them, then it looks like you're adding humiliation on top of pain," Stephen said with a frown. He didn't like that idea.
Irene said, "Everyone will feel sorry for them."
"That's true," Magus said.
Stephen said, "I guess the only thing that we could do is defend ourselves from the charges."
"Or settle out of court," Irene said.
"Either of those solutions can be appropriate," Magus said. "Would you like to summarize what your options are with regard to that lawsuit?"
"Depending on the circumstances of the lawsuit, I can punish them, I can try to resolve any misunderstandings, defend myself, or settle out of court," Stephen said.
Magus said, "What is the one thing that you can't do?"
"Uh," Stephen said at a loss for an answer. He looked at Irene, but she looked just as puzzled as he felt. Finally, he answered, "I don't know."
Magus said, "Think about it. What is the one thing you can't do?"
"Kill them?" Stephen asked.
"No. Sometimes that might be necessary," Magus said.
"Really?" Stephen asked surprised by that revelation. He didn't like that idea at all.
"You're kidding," Irene said.
Magus said, "There are two players in the game, you and them. They can escalate things to a point of no return. You don't get to dictate everything that happens. Sometimes you have to respond in an appropriate manner."
"I didn't think about that," Stephen said.
"Well think about it," Magus said. He chuckled and said, "Although we may be on a first name basis with God, neither of us is God. It is important to remember that."
"You're closer to the devil," Irene muttered.
"What was that?" Magus asked.
"Nothing," Irene answered not realizing that she had spoken aloud.
Turning back to Stephen, Magus asked, "So what is the one thing that you can't do?"
"I don't know," Stephen said. His mind was a complete blank.
Magus took the packet from Stephen and glanced over it. He started tearing it up into small little pieces. Stephen shouted, "You can't do that!"
Magus looked over at Stephen while he dumped the litter into the trashcan. He said, "This wasn't real."
"Thank God," Stephen said feeling like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders.
"No, you can thank me," Magus said with a grin.
"Thanking you might have been one of the options that I had in mind, but it wasn't my favorite one," Stephen said crossly. "It was well behind scheduling you for a proctology exam."
Amused, Magus asked, "So what is the one thing you can't do?"
Stephen said, "I have no clue."
Shaking his head, Magus answered, "The one thing that you can't do is ignore it."
"I should have known that," Stephen said slapping his forehead.
"Yes, you should have. Sometimes it is easy to miss the obvious. That should be a lesson for another day," Magus said. He turned to Irene and asked, "Is Leland taking you out to lunch?"
"Yes," Irene answered.
"Bring something back for me. I have more work to do," Magus said while returning to his office.