The first thing that Nestor did upon accepting the job at Solutions Incorporated was to quit his job at the Department of Motor Vehicles. After minutes of agonizing debate about how to best give notice, he chose to go with the short and sweet version, "I quit." He did try to sound regretful, but the ear to ear grin and little victory dance probably undermined any appearance of sorrow at leaving. It didn't matter to him that he looked a lot like a Russian dancing bear when doing his victory dance.
This is not to say that Nestor was exactly looking forward to working with Magus and Titus. The idea of being around the two egotistical, partially delusional and oddball characters was rather scary. He found their insistence that extremely attractive women found them irresistible particularly humorous. Having grown up with three older sisters, he knew exactly how women felt about men who looked like Titus and Magus. The words irresistible had never been used by his sisters while describing such men.
Nestor was surprised to learn that his office was not in the same office area with Titus. It was in the office next door. He had looked at the door to Paladin Incorporated thinking that it was just another example of insanity that would plague this job. After being given the combination to the huge vault door that led to his office, Nestor finally was shown to his personal office by the receptionist, Claudia.
Nestor was pleasantly surprised to discover that his work area was quite large and filled with very comfortable furniture. He had a comfortable leather chair with a reading lamp to one side and a small table to the other side. There was a small conference table with four smaller leather chairs around it. Off to the side of the room was a desk of solid wood and a leather desk chair. Two of the walls were lined with empty bookshelves.
Once he had settled into his office, he was given an opportunity to talk a little with his coworkers. He had just sat down in the large comfortable leather chair when the man who had described his job duties entered. He said, "Hello Igor."
"Actually, my name is Phil."
"I had wondered what kind of parents would name their kid Igor," Nestor said.
"I don't think there is anyone eccentric enough to name their kid Igor," Phil said. "Come to think of it, Magus or Titus might do that."
"Eccentric is a good word for describing them," Nestor said. "Magus insists on calling me Hagar."
Phil shrugged his shoulders and said, "You'll get used to it. They are both absolutely brilliant. I enjoy working for Magus. I think you'll enjoy working with Titus."
"Really?" Nestor said.
"No two days are the same around here. I have plenty of time to read. It is a rare occasion when I have to look and act tough," Phil said.
Nestor said, "I'm kind of worried about that look and act tough part of this job. I'm a poet at heart."
"I know what you mean, I'm a historian," Phil said.
Nestor said, "I guess there is about as much demand for historians as there are for literature majors."
"Yeah. Magus really saved my life," Phil said.
"How?" Nestor asked.
"I used to work at the DMV in Chicago," Phil said. A pained look flashed across his face.
"Say no more," Nestor said. Wanting to avoid further discussion of a painful topic, he said, "I'm kind of surprised by the office. I wasn't expecting something so luxurious."
"I know what you mean. Magus doesn't believe in doing anything halfway," Phil said. "Did Claudia point out the coffee maker, mini-refrigerator, and snack bar in the reception area?"
"Yes," Nestor said.
Phil could hear Jake talking with Claudia. He shouted, "Poindexter, come in here and meet Hagar."
Jake walked into the office and said, "Do you work with computers too?"
"No. He's doing my job for Titus," Phil said.
"By the way, my name isn't really Poindexter; it is Jake."
"My name is Nestor."
Phil said, "He'll be moving in with you and Stephen as soon as Willa moves out. That should be any day now."
"Excellent. You'll be able to help me with taking care of Cathy," Jake said.
"Cathy?" Nestor asked.
"You'll like Cathy," Phil said.
"She's our resident nymphomaniac," Jake said.
"You have a resident nymphomania?" Nestor asked.
"Yes. We also have a resident prostitute, but it looks like she'll be moving out soon," Jake answered.
Nestor said, "Resident prostitute. Every house should have one of those."
Jake shrugged his shoulders and said, "It has been kind of tough on me ever since Stephen and Mel got together. Mel doesn't let Stephen help out with Cathy anymore."
"Do you help out with Cathy, Phil?" Nestor asked.
"No. My wife would kill me if I did that," Phil answered.
Jake said, "He's married to our receptionist."
"She's pretty," Nestor said. "You're a lucky man, Phil."
Phil said, "If you like her looks, I know of a woman who looks just like her."
"No. I'm just going to take some time to relax before I jump into the dating scene," Nestor said. "I just quit the DMV."
"It took me years to get over working there," Phil said.
"It is reassuring to know that I'll recover eventually," Nestor said.
Phil looked at his watch and said, "It is time for Stephen to go home."
A short period of time later, Nestor opened the back door of the office building and led Stephen to his car. It was with more than a little pleasure that Stephen looked forward to the ride home. For the first time in ages he hoped that he might reach home without being followed, stopped, or touched. His hopes came crashing to earth when from behind him a female called out, "Oh Stephen."
Nestor turned to seek out the source of the voice. He was shocked to see a very attractive young woman approaching in a seductive walk. She was putting so much effort into it that she might as well have been Salome dancing the dance of seven veils. Her attention was focused entirely on Stephen.
Stephen squeaked and then said, "Protect me, Hagar."
Hagar stepped between Stephen and the woman wondering if he was going to be able to stop her without getting physical. She was totally fixated on Stephen until she ran into Hagar. Looking down at her, he asked, "What do you want?"
The woman looked up at Hagar, her gaze starting at the base of his ribs before moving up to his face. She had to tilt her head back to see his face. She swallowed heavily and answered, "His baby."
Hagar couldn't believe his ears. For most of the interview with Magus, he thought the man had been pulling his leg. He said, "Okay, that can be arranged."
Stephen squawked, "Really?"
"Really?" the woman asked with a tone of excitement in her voice.
Hagar grinned and then said, "Stephen says you must have my baby first."
"What?" Stephen said perking up.
"What?" the woman asked with a tone of disbelief in her voice.
Hagar said, "He says any child of his must have a big brother like me to protect it while growing up."
"Ooh," Stephen said in wonder at this surprising tactic.
"Ooh," the woman said with a tone of shock in her voice.
Hagar said, "I need to warn you that pushing a baby my size through that little birth canal of yours is going to hurt."
"That is going to hurt," Stephen said with sympathy in his voice.
"That is going to hurt," the woman said with horror in her voice. She squeezed her knees together and put her hands over her crotch. It was the same gesture men use when their genitalia are threatened.
Hagar asked, "Is it a deal?"
"Uh?" Stephen said thinking Hagar was moving a little quickly.
"Uh?" the woman said finding that her brain was locking up at the idea of giving a birth to a monster like that.
Hagar said, "I just want you to know that I weighed twenty-three pounds at birth."
Stephen peeked around Hagar to see how she reacted. He asked, "Where did she go?"
"She started running about the time I said twenty-three," Hagar answered.
"I'm impressed," Stephen said.
Shrugging his shoulders, Nestor said, "Every time any of my sisters starts talking about having kids, my dad points to me and says, 'Imagine giving birth to him.' Their enthusiasm for the idea of having kids is immediately diminished. That's my Dad's idea of birth control. It seems to be working. I'm not an uncle yet."
"How many sisters do you have?" Stephen asked.
"Three. They are all older than me. I'm the baby of the family," Nestor said.
"Really," Stephen said.
"My mom gave up on having more kids after giving birth to me," Nestor said.
Stephen said, "I guess that is understandable."
It wasn't long before they reached Stephen's house. On entering the house, the first person they encountered was Cathy. Stephen said, "Nestor, this is Cathy. Cathy this is Nestor. He'll be moving in with us when Willa moves out."
"Really?" Cathy said. She looked him over and said, "You're a big guy."
"Yes," Nestor replied feeling a little like a piece of meat for some unexplainable reason. He wasn't quite sure what to make of the look in her eye.
Cathy was overjoyed to discover that Nestor would be moving in with them. Moving over to where she could grab his arm, she asked, "Would you like to see my bedroom?"
"Why?" Nestor asked suspiciously.
Smiling, Stephen said, "Just go with her. You won't be disappointed."
Nestor returned to the living room an hour later looking very relaxed. By this time, Mel had arrived for her typical evening visit. She never missed an evening knowing that Cathy was around. Stephen performed the introductions. Nestor was surprised when Mel came over and hugged him while saying, "Thank you. Thank you very much."
"For what?" Nestor said.
"For taking care of Cathy," Mel said. She was overjoyed at the idea there would be a second male around to take care of Cathy. She had seen Cathy when she was desperate and didn't trust her to stay away from her boyfriend. Stephen was more trustworthy, but she knew that males were the weaker gender of the species.
Deciding that he would enjoy living there, Nestor said, "I'm happy to be of some help."
Stephen said, "He chased away one of the women who was stalking me."
"That's wonderful," Mel said. The women chasing after Stephen bothered her more than Cathy. At least she knew that Cathy had no intentions beyond scratching an itch. Those other women were after a lot more than that. There had been many ugly episodes in which she had to dissuade one of them from coming onto Stephen.
"He's my Igor. When one of them starts to hassle us, just call out for Hagar. He's really good at chasing them away," Stephen said.
Mel said, "Let me guess. Magus has named you Hagar?"
"Yes," Nestor answered.
"It sounds a little more threatening than Nestor," Stephen explained.
"I guess it does," Mel said wondering how Nestor felt about his new name. Phil didn't seem bothered by his, but he had years in which to get used to it.
"It is okay," Nestor said shrugging his shoulders.
The doorbell rang and Mel said, "I'll get it."
Mel opened the front door and looked at the woman standing there. Amber Pennington said, "Stephen may be the most brilliant man on campus, but he has lousy taste in women. I'm here to correct that. A man of his intelligence shouldn't be burdened with a mousy looking woman who has all of the fashion sense of a scullery maid."
"Amber," Mel said in a low growl.
"Where's Stephen?" Amber asked smiling sweetly.
"He's busy," Mel said.
Amber said, "I'm sure that he'll want to take some time out to talk with me."
Normally by this time, Mel would have slammed the door shut in Amber's face. Instead, she smiled and called out, "Hagar!"
"Hagar?" Amber said looking a little worried.
Nestor stepped up behind Mel and asked, "What's the problem?"
Open mouthed, Amber stared up at Nestor and said, "Oh my God. He's huge."
Enjoying the stunned expression on Amber's face, Mel said, "Someone has deposited some trash on our front porch. Please remove her."
Nestor stepped around Mel and picked up Amber. He tossed her over his shoulder with about the same effort that someone might throw a towel over his shoulder. He walked the short distance to the curb and deposited her in the trash can. He wiped his hands off and then returned to the house. Amber's heart was beating a thousand times a second. She stared at him as he made his way back to the house and closed the door. She looked down at the trashcan and said, "Oh gross."
An hour later, the doorbell rang. Mel opened the door and stared at the woman standing there. In a voice that could freeze hydrogen, she said, "Amber."
"Is Hagar still here?" Amber asked trying to look around Mel.
"Yes," Mel said hoping that would chase off Amber.
"I want him and you're not going to get in my way," Amber said.
Deciding that she would let Hagar handle this, Mel shouted, "Hagar!"
Nestor stepped up behind Mel and asked, "What's the problem?"
"She came back," Mel said stepping out of the way.
Surprising everyone, Amber launched herself at Nestor. Wrapping her arms and legs around him, she said, "Take me."
"What?" Nestor said feeling a little like a clam that is being attacked by a starfish.
"I want you," Amber said. She attacked him with the most passionate kiss that she could put together.
"Amber?" Mel said staring at the woman. Wondering if Nestor was going to survive the kiss, she turned and shouted, "Titus, I think we have a problem."