Mel looked up from her notes and said, "Professor Sigmond wants us to write a paper on whether or not Waterloo really represented Napoleon's downfall. What position should I take?"
"There are only three positions you can take. Yes it did or no it didn't or it depends," Stephen answered.
"I want to say that it did, but I think that is too obvious," Mel said.
"What major events before Waterloo occurred might have represented Napoleon's downfall?" Stephen asked.
"Well, there was the Russian campaign. He lost most of his army during the retreat from Moscow," Mel said.
"It sounds to me like he had already failed before Waterloo," Stephen said.
"I think so too. Thanks," Mel said.
The sound of the front door slamming shut echoed through the living room. Cathy stormed into the room and announced, "I had a really really bad day."
"I'm sorry to hear that," Stephen said.
"That's a shame," Mel said despite the fact that she wasn't too fond of Cathy. She was familiar with Cathy's problem and Stephen's role in helping her with that problem. She had heard Cathy's story from him, then she had heard it from Cathy, and finally she had heard it from Jake. One of the things that she appreciated about Stephen was that he was honest with her, but she wasn't thrilled with the subject of that honesty.
Cathy looked over at Mel and said, "Sorry, I didn't know you were here."
"That's okay," Mel said. She had never seen Cathy looking so frantic. She could see that Cathy was on the verge of a breakdown or something.
Cathy asked, "Is Jake here?"
"No," Stephen answered.
"Can I borrow your boyfriend? Jake ran out this morning before he could take care of me. It has been more than twenty-four hours since I've been laid. I'm so horny that I could take on a football team," Cathy said. Noticing the expression on Mel's face, she said, "Hey, if my grabbing him bothers you, I can loan you a strap-on so that you can do me. That might take the edge off until Jake gets here."
"He's not my boyfriend yet," Mel said shuddering at the image Cathy had painted. "And I'm not into strap-ons."
"Can I borrow him?" Cathy asked dancing from one foot to the other.
"I guess so," Mel said. She didn't feel that it was really her place to make demands on Stephen. He hadn't even tried to touch her yet.
Cathy breathed a sigh of relief and said, "Great. Come on Stephen. Let's hit the shower."
"I'm here with Mel. It would be kind of rude for me to leave," Stephen said.
"I need something now!" Cathy said breathing hard. She rubbed her crotch with a hand. "I had a really really bad day."
"You better take care of her," Mel said unable to believe the words coming out of her mouth. She averted her eyes from Cathy not wanting to watch what she was doing.
"Are you sure that you're okay with this, Mel?" Stephen asked.
"Go," Mel said.
"I really apologize for this," Stephen said.
"Now. I need it now," Cathy said. Her voice sounded desperate.
"Go," Mel said. She could imagine Cathy not waiting to get Stephen out of sight before taking the edge off of her need. She didn't want to watch that happen.
Cathy grabbed his arm and dragged him off. She shouted, "Thanks, Mel. I owe you one."
"I don't want to collect one from you," Mel muttered. A minute later she could hear the shower running. She sighed and said, "I would rather collect it from Stephen."
There was a knock on the front door. Knowing that no one else was available, Mel went over to answer it. She opened the door to find the biggest scariest looking guy she had ever seen in her entire life standing there. She swallowed and said, "Hello."
Phil frowned and asked, "Is Stephen, Jake, or Cathy here?"
"Stephen and Cathy are busy at the moment," Mel said.
"I'm Phil."
"Oh. You work with Stephen and Jake, right?"
"Yes," Phil said, "I've got someone with me. I need to get her settled into the extra room."
"Come in," Mel said stepping out of the way. All she needed was for Stephen to get another woman in his life.
Phil picked up a suitcase and entered the house. When Phil stepped past her, she saw the woman who had been standing behind him. The woman's face looked like she had been run over by stampeding horses. She gestured to the woman and said, "Please come in."
The woman meekly followed Phil into the house without saying a word. Phil said, "I'll show you your room and then introduce you to two of your housemates."
"Thank you," the woman said barely moving her mouth. Her words weren't very clear.
Mel returned to the couch thinking about the woman. She was clearly in some pain. It was about three minutes later when Phil and the woman came into the living room. Phil sat on the couch next to Mel while allowing the woman with him to take a chair off to itself. He looked over at Mel's book and asked, "What are you studying?"
"Napoleon. My professor wants me to write an essay on whether or not Waterloo was really the downfall of Napoleon," Mel answered.
Phil snorted and said, "Napoleon was finished as a result of the Russian campaign. A lot of historians don't like to give credit to Russia for destroying Napoleon's army. They feel like it wasn't really a defeat in a battle, but a defeat by terrain and weather. Me, I think that a defeat is a defeat and Napoleon lost big time in Russia."
"That was the direction I was going to go with this paper," Mel said very surprised that the big scary guy actually knew his history.
"Smart. Napoleon was fighting with his second string at Waterloo," Phil said.
"I agree," Mel said.
Phil asked, "Are you a history major?"
"No," Mel said.
"It is so hard finding people who like to discuss history," Phil said. He looked over at the woman and asked, "Do you like to discuss history?"
"No," the woman answered.
"Pity," Phil said. He sat there for a few seconds and then said, "I should probably introduce you two, but I don't know your name."
"I'm Mel."
Phil smiled and said, "Ah, you are Stephen's girlfriend."
Listening to the running shower, Mel said, "Not really. He's upstairs with Cathy right now."
"You know about her condition, don't you?"
"Yes," Mel said.
"He's just protecting her from herself at the moment. His feelings don't run any deeper than wanting to keep her safe. She was almost killed by a guy before Magus set her up in this house," Phil said.
"I heard that," Mel said.
"Stephen really likes you. He talks about you all of the time. He says a lot of very nice things about you," Phil said.
Mel said, "He doesn't do anything about it."
"I don't think you would agree to share him with Cathy," Phil said.
"No, I wouldn't," Mel said.
"He knows that," Phil said, "He feels he has a responsibility to Cathy that predates meeting you. He's not going to abandon a responsibility without making sure that the situation is corrected. At the same time, he's not going to put you in a position where you get hurt. Believe me, when she gets a more permanent solution to her problem, he'll be knocking on your door."
"I know. That's half the reason I'm crazy about him," Mel said.
Looking over at the woman, Phil said, "I forgot the introductions again. Mel this is Willa. Willa this is Mel. Willa, you won't be living with Mel, but she's liable to be over here a lot."
"Nice to meet you Willa," Mel said.
"Nice to meet you Mel," Willa said through clenched teeth. "Sorry about talking this way, but my jaw hurts."
Mel asked, "Is it broken?"
Phil said, "It isn't broken, but it is bruised. We came over here from the hospital."
"I'm glad it isn't broken," Mel said.
"Thank you," Willa said.
Mel listened for a second and then said, "The shower is off. Cathy and Stephen will be down in a minute."
"Good, I'm sure that my wife is waiting impatiently for me at home," Phil said. He glanced down at the history book and said, "If you ever feel like discussing history sometime, Magus and I usually get together Thursday nights to discuss some event of significance. Last week it was the signing of the Magna Carta Libertatum. This week we're going to be discussing Sir Richard Burton's quest for the source of the Nile River."
"Thanks. I'll keep that in mind," Mel said.
"Kama Sutra," Willa said.
"What?" Mel asked.
"Sir Richard Burton wrote the Kama Sutra," Willa said.
"Actually, he didn't write it; he translated it from Sanskrit to English. A lot of people think that he did it while serving in the army in India. Actually, he did it while he was serving as a diplomat in Trieste," Phil said. He sat up a little straighter and said, "His time in India is actually pretty interesting. He used to travel around incognito using the name, Mirza Abdullah. He managed to fool his fellow officers and locals with his disguise."
"That's interesting," Mel said politely.
"No it isn't," Willa said. She was in enough pain that she didn't feel the need to be too polite.
Stephen came down the stairs and immediately noticed Phil and the woman. The woman looked to be in pretty bad shape and there weren't too many explanations as to why Phil was here with her that didn't involve work. He said, "Hello Phil."
"Hello Titus," Phil replied.
Stephen glanced over at Mel and then said, "Igor, can you give me a summary?"
"Crooked vice cop," Phil said.
Mel looked from Phil to Stephen wondering what was up with the Igor and Titus bit. She looked over at the woman to see if she knew what they were talking about. The woman pointed at Phil and said, "He's Igor."
Titus said, "Can I make the obvious assumption?"
"Yes, you can," Igor said.
"What obvious assumption?" Mel asked looking puzzled.
"Indy?" Titus asked.
"Yes," Igor said.
"Injuries?" Titus asked.
"Bruised jawbone and various contusions mostly on her upper body and face," Igor answered.
Willa said, "Don't forget the cigarette burn on my left tit."
"Ugh," Mel said cringing and holding her chest.
"Security?"
"Three shifts of two," Igor answered.
"Excellent," Titus said.
"Bring her to the office in the morning."
"Why?"
"She took your mother's job," Igor said.
"Really?"
"Magus calls her Thursday."
"That's because Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday were already taken and nobody wants to be called Monday," Titus said.
"That's what Magus said."
"Anything else I need to know, Igor?"
"Not at the moment, Stephen."
Relaxing a little, Stephen said, "Do you want to introduce us, Phil?"
Phil said, "Willa, this is Stephen. He will be one of your housemates. Stephen, this is Willa. She'll be staying here until Magus and I clear up her situation."
"Nice to meet you, Willa," Stephen said.
"Nice to meet you, Stephen, or is your name Titus?" Willa asked.
"I'm only Titus when I'm working," Stephen answered.
"You're Titus?" Mel asked looking over at Stephen like he was a complete stranger.
"Only when I'm working," Stephen said.
"You're the Titus of Solutions Incorporated?" Mel asked wanting to make sure that she wasn't jumping to the wrong conclusion.
"Yes," Stephen answered.
Mel said, "I've heard of you."
"You know me," Stephen said rolling his eyes.
Cathy came tripping merrily down the stairs. She saw Phil and said, "Hi Igor."
"Hello Cathy," Phil said.
Cathy leaned over to Mel and said, "I just love calling him Igor."
"I can see why. He does look like an Igor," Mel said. The difference in Cathy from before going upstairs and coming downstairs was like the difference in night and day. She was boiling over with positive energy.
Cathy pointed to Willa and asked, "Who is your friend?"
"This is Willa, she'll be staying here with us until Magus and Igor get her situation straightened out," Stephen said. "Willa, this is Cathy. She lives here."
"Nice to meet you, Cathy."
"Nice to meet you Willa," Cathy said. "What happened to your face?"
"I had a run in with a crooked cop," Willa answered.
"It looks more like you had a run in with a bus," Cathy said.
Phil rose from the couch and said, "I better head home. I'm still a newlywed and my wife gets a little nervous when I don't get home on time."
"I'm sure that Claudia will understand," Stephen said.
"She gets a little nervous when I spend too much time around Cathy," Phil said.
"I can understand that," Cathy said. "I have no idea how many marriages I've screwed up. I do know that it is more than one."
Willa said, "Same here."
Mel looked at Willa wondering what she meant by that. Feeling like it was her turn to contribute something to the conversation, she said, "I've never been married."
Willa looked at Mel and said, "A babe in the woods."
"You can say that again," Cathy said. Gesturing over at Mel, she said, "I think she's still a virgin."
"I am not," Mel said.
"My mistake," Cathy said cheerfully. Cathy looked at Willa and asked, "What do you do for a living?"
"I'm a prostitute," Willa answered.
Mel said, "I don't believe this. My boyfriend is living in a house with a prostitute and a nymphomaniac. I'm stuck in a dorm with a vibrator named Chucky."