Chapter 4
That night Rocky felt strange ringing the doorbell of the house he had built and paid for, but these were strange times. Carrie opened the door after about thirty seconds and gave him an inquisitive look.
"Why did you ring the doorbell, Rocky; you live here."
Rocky just shrugged and walked through the door. Not hugging and kissing Carrie as soon as he walked in was another first for him. Realizing what he had lost was breaking his heart.
"I don't know really, just with everything going on, I thought it appropriate," he replied.
It was her turn to nod.
"Well, it's not necessary, Rocky," she said, her exasperation obvious. "This is where you belong. I want you home; I can't stand being apart from you like this. I want my husband back, I want us back."
"You weren't thinking about your husband or your marriage while your face was planted between your lover's legs."
Carrie recoiled as if he had slapped her, then her eyes flashed angrily.
"That was unnecessary, cruel and crude," she hissed.
He shrugged again, seemingly unconcerned about her feelings, while loathing himself for what he'd said.
"Yes it was, but it was also true. How do you think I felt when I saw the two of you together, the love of my life rolling around on the bed in the throes of passion with someone else? You killed something between us yesterday. How am I supposed to act?"
Carrie glared at him as she fought down her anger. She took a calming breath and put her hand on his arm.
"This isn't like us Baby, arguing as if we were on Jerry Springer. Come in and sit down, let me get you a cup of coffee and we can discuss this like adults."
Carrie spun around and walked into the kitchen. Rocky followed and sat down at the breakfast bar as she fetched him a cup of coffee. Carrie was the talker in their relationship, it came naturally to her, and she had honed her skills through her employment in advertising. Rocky often said that she would have made as good a lawyer as her sister Doris. Carrie added some half and half to his coffee, then set it in front of him. She stood on the other side of the bar and took a sip from a glass of white wine. She set the glass down and looked at him, her expression open and serious.
"I didn't mean to hurt you, Baby, that was the last thing I ever wanted to do. Nothing that happened between Amy and me was any sort of reflection on you. You need to believe that and let it go. I know I'm repeating myself here, but I want you to think again about whether I've neglected you or denied you anything since our talk about me spending too much time with Amy."
Rocky thought for a minute, trying to find a hole in her logic. He suppressed a smile when he hit on an idea.
"So let me see if I have the concept here. What you are saying is that if I have an affair with my friend Maria, it's okay as long as I don't change the way I treat you."
Carrie's eyes narrowed at his declaration.
"No, Rocky, you being with Maria is not even close to being the same. You are already too close to her anyway. She's in love with you; if you slept with her, she'd find a way to make you fall in love with her too. Besides, there is nothing Maria could do for you that I can't and won't do at the drop of a hat, including sharing with you if that's what you want."
Rocky listened to Carrie and carefully considered what she said. She was correct, in that he knew in his heart it wouldn't take much for him to fall in love with Maria. However, the other part about sharing tweaked the germ of an idea.
"Okay, I understand now," he said. "I can't do what you are doing because I might fall in love, but for you that is not a problem. I don't need anyone else because you will fuck me anytime I want, but you can have someone else because I don't have a pussy for you to eat."
Carrie stared at him as if he'd defecated on the floor. When she spoke, he could hear the hurt in her voice.
"I didn't know you could be this hateful, Rocky. The things you are saying make is seem as if I'm shallow and nasty. Is that truly how you feel about me?"
Rocky bit back a bitter reply; this wasn't getting them anywhere, and it wasn't his nature to be petty and spiteful.
"No, of course not. I'm just hurt and angry. I will tell you this, though, suddenly, I am wondering if all I have been is your camouflage for the last six years. Was I the husband you put up with and paraded around while you lived some secret life? I was perfect for you wasn't I, a convenient smokescreen for your family and your work. That, in turn, makes me wonder if you really love me as much as you claim, or if you just love the idea of having a husband."
Carrie was crying by the time he finished talking, tears rolling down her cheeks. She wiped her eyes and sniffed. Some of what he was saying was uncomfortably close to the truth, but she did love him, damn it.
"I am in love with you Rocky, and I love being your wife, how many times do I have to tell you that? You are blowing everything else way out of proportion. You knew I was bi-sexual when you married me, hell, it even excited you. I can't help the way I'm wired, but I love you enough to at least share that with you."
Suddenly, the real issue dawned on Rocky. It wasn't really about Carrie having sex with Amy. Heck, he had been turned on when she described some of her dalliances with other girls when she was in college. If Carrie would have come to him and told him she was attracted to Amy, he may have even welcomed the both of them into his bed. The way he doted on her all the time, giving her whatever she wanted, he might have even permitted Carrie to take Amy as a lover, as long as she told him all about it.
It wasn't about sex at all. It was about betrayal, deception, and most of all it was about lies. If anything, he had always been convinced that Carrie was honest with him, but since she met Amy she'd become the consummate liar.
He finally unleashed his anger on Carrie and it wasn't pretty.
"Carrie, shut up and listen to me for once. You always have the answer don't you? It was just a fling and nothing more. That's the way you see it, isn't it? Poor Rocky's blowing it all out of proportion. I just realized something, my dear wife," he said with a little derision in his voice.
"I haven't been sick at my stomach and tossing and turning in the bed the past few nights because you slept with another woman. I could get over that. Heck, I might even enjoy watching. My heart is breaking because you suddenly became a liar."
"Rocky, that's a cruel thing to say," Carrie interrupted with tears in her eyes.
"It's the truth, Carrie. How many times have you lied to me the past two months? It began at that damned picnic at the lake. Oh, you were so smooth when you told me that the two of you were just riding the jet skis. Carrie, I heard you shut them down. You were gone for over an hour; when you got back Amy wouldn't even look me in the face, but you did and lied to me with a smile on your face."
Rocky saw a look of horror suddenly come to her face.
"Are you going to deny any of this? Carrie, you're still lying!"
"I am not," she protested. "You know about Amy now."
"Not because of you. No, you share with me only what you have to tell, and even then it is always in a manner that shines the best possible light on you. 'Amy is a friend that I slept with a couple of times, that's all there is to it.' That's what you said. We both know that's a lie, Carrie. Just how many times did you fuck her? If you're telling the truth now, just tell me, how many times did you make love to your little lover?"
Carrie was shocked. She couldn't bring herself to answer him, because she knew what he was saying was true. She'd slept with Amy dozens of times.
"You lied to me by acting like you'd broken it off with Amy. I forgave you. I knew you were lying to me that night when I confronted you. It was a big mistake when I didn't press you. I should have come clean myself. Carrie, I taped your conversation with her in the car the day after the picnic at the lake. I listened when she showed you her freshly shaved pussy. I knew, but hoped you would see how it hurt me and would stop on your own. You acted like you were putting me first, but you only became a better liar. You'd still be lying, if you weren't so fucking careless about the two hundred texts messages on your cell phone. Dammit Carrie, couldn't you two go five minutes without communicating. Why should I believe you when you tell me you love me and only me? Yeah, you've been fucking me for the past two months, but you've been much more intimate with your little whore."
Carrie was devastated. For the first time in her life someone had stood up to her. It hurt her deeply. For the first time she began to see how much she'd hurt Rocky.
"Oh God, Rocky, what have I done?" She cried out.
Tears were pouring down her face, and Rocky's love for her overcame his anger. He moved across the room and put his arms around her.
"Can you ever forgive me?" Carrie sobbed.
"It's not a question of whether I can forgive you or not. It's a matter of whether I can ever trust you again. How can I know that you're not lying to me right now, just to get me back? I'm going to have to think about this a long time."
Carrie looked into his eyes and said with all the determination she had, "I'll win back your trust, Rocky. I promise you I will."
Rocky gave her no assurances at that moment, and it hurt her deeply, but what could she expect? Rocky was weary of fighting, so he steered the conversation toward upcoming commitments they had made as a couple. Carrie was relieved when he agreed to go to her parents' anniversary party with her as if nothing had happened. Carrie was also encouraged by the fact that he didn't mention lawyers or divorce while they were talking. The big disappointment for her was when he insisted on going back to the apartment, instead of staying with her. She longed for him to stay more than she'd ever longed for anything before, but for the first time she understood why he couldn't stay. Now her heart was breaking too. Another thing troubled her about him going to the apartment. She was very well aware of the fact that a beautiful woman lived in the same building, and that woman was already in love with her husband. For the first time she really feared she might lose Rocky forever.
When Rocky returned to his apartment, the phone started ringing as soon as he walked in. Curious as to who had this number, he answered it. The caller was Maria.
"Hello Boss, if you aren't doing anything, come over and visit with us. Amanda missed seeing you this afternoon, plus, I just made a key lime pie and a fresh pitcher of iced tea."
Rocky changed his shirt, brushed his teeth and headed over. He went up the outside stairs that ended on a landing outside the kitchen he had added to the upstairs. For the second time that evening, he stood outside a house he owned, waiting for a woman to bid him enter; the irony was not lost on him. Maria opened the door and greeted him with a friendly kiss. There was no tongue involved in the kiss, but Maria's lips were soft and sweet against his. She giggled when she stepped back and saw his confused expression. Amanda was wrapped around his legs by then, so he knelt and hugged her as she kissed him also.
"I guess you know where you can find two women that are always happy to see you," Maria said teasingly.
Rocky stood up and just looked at her. His expression was now one of bemused humor.
"Wow," was all he said.
Maria laughed happily again, and took his hand.
"Come in and sit down, we were just about to have a snack before Amanda takes a bath."
Rocky let her pull him into the little dining area and sat down where she indicated. He watched her as she walked over to the kitchen counter to get him a piece of pie. She looked great, wearing a dark green tartan plaid miniskirt and a scoop neck white sweater. She was bare legged and bare foot; her olive complexion and smooth skin made stockings unnecessary. The white sweater also looked incredible on her, as a canyon of cleavage nestled under the scooped neckline. The three of them sat chatting while they ate, Maria on one side of him and Amanda on the other. When Amanda finished her Oreos and milk, Maria sent Rocky to the living room to watch television.
Rocky was unaware of the effect both Maria and Amanda were having on him. He still loved Carrie with all of his heart, but he didn't believe he could trust her anymore. His heart ached as he remembered her condition when he left, but his head had doubts. Was it just another act? Maria on the other hand was utterly open to him. She was kind, considerate, and above all else honest. Of that he had no doubts. Then there was little Amanda. He adored her. He loved the feeling of family he experienced in Maria's apartment. He was beginning to realize that he and Carrie had never shared something like this. He missed it from his first marriage.
Rocky was fifteen minutes into a home improvement show, when a squeaky clean Amanda climbed into his lap with a copy of Dr. Seuss's 'Green Eggs And Ham'. Rocky was two pages into the book, when Maria curled up on the couch next to him as he read to a fascinated Amanda. The scene was so sweetly domestic, it almost made Rocky cry. Why in the hell couldn't Carrie want something like this?
After finishing the book, Rocky helped Maria tuck Amanda in bed; the little girl was asleep before they could turn off her bedroom light. Rocky stood at the door for a few seconds, looking at the angelically sleeping child, then followed Maria back into the living room.
"Mandy is such a sweet little thing, you should be very proud," he told Maria when they settled onto the couch.
"I am. It amazes me watching her with you. She is usually very shy around men, yet with you she is just the opposite. I love to watch the two of you together; you can't be the tough old grouchy bear when you are near her."
Rocky gave her a chagrinned smile.
"I know, and worse, she knows it too. She has me wrapped around her little finger. Before you came back from cleaning up the bathroom after her bath, she laid out her plans for us when we go to the zoo on Sunday. I have to buy a bag of carrots to feed the giraffes and we are going to Dairy Queen for ice cream afterward."
Maria laughed at him and slid closer so she could kiss his cheek.
"Quit complaining, you know you love it."
Rocky's smile broadened, yes he did indeed love it. He turned his head to tell her that, and her face was right next to his, her eyes shining like large limpid obsidian pools. He could not stop himself from leaning forward slightly and kissing her bee-stung, caramel colored lips. Once again, the kiss was soft and sweet and filled with promise. He broke the kiss and slumped back against the cushions of her couch, mortified that he had done such a thing.
"I'm sorry, Maria, I shouldn't have done that."
She continued to regard him, her eyes sparkling.
"Oh yes, you should have, I've been waiting for you to do that for four years. Heck, I couldn't ever even get you under the mistletoe during our Christmas parties at the office. I purposely put it right over the door, but you never took the hint. And please don't start feeling guilty you did it either. It was just a kiss, you aren't taking advantage of me or betraying your marriage."
Rocky looked at her in awe, she seemed to be able to read his mind. Maria caught his look and gave him another sweet smile.
"Yes, I know how you think Rocky, and I love that you are such an honorable man, now stop over-analyzing what you did and relax."
Rocky did just that, allowing Maria to coax him to take his boots off and stretch out on the couch, his head in her lap. For the first time in almost a week, he was totally relaxed. He fell asleep with her stroking his hair.
Rocky woke up refreshed, but disoriented at five-thirty the next morning. He sat up in confusion until he remembered where he was. He smiled as he folded the afghan that Maria must have covered him with, then he slipped on his boots and quietly let himself out the door.
Back in his apartment, he made a pot of coffee and fired up his laptop. When his laptop finished booting up, he called up the Excel spread sheet that he used to track his and Carrie's finances. The toughest part if it came to a split between them would be untangling their property, and there was too much involved to let some shyster lawyer decide the issue. Also there was the problem of convincing Carrie to take an active role in managing her own money for a change. All Carrie really cared about was her bankcard working anytime she stuck it into an ATM. He spent an additional thirty minutes listing her income and obligations on a separate spreadsheet. He knew for a fact Carrie didn't know what either figure was.
One thing that Carrie wouldn't have to worry about if they split was money. She made well over six figures at Brown and Manfried, and except for her SUV, her obligations were minimal. Rocky had her contributing ten percent of her gross salary into her 401K and she still had plenty of disposable income. He planned on sitting down with her and explaining all of this to her that evening after the party for her parents.
The thought of Carrie's family caused Rocky to sit back and sigh. He was very close to everyone in the Curtis clan, except for Carrie's oldest sister Doris. Actually, Rocky got along fine with Doris, the reason they weren't closer was Carrie's jealousy. Doris was attractive, divorced and made no bones about her attraction to Rocky. Carrie kept Rocky away from Doris as much as possible, after Doris told her that if she had met Rocky first, Carrie would still be a spinster.
Carrie's father, Bill Curtis, was one of the finest men he had ever met, and was Rocky's best friend. The two men enjoyed each other's company and hung out together as often as they could. Carrie's mother was a no-nonsense woman, who still managed to be sweet and gentle. Rocky did not have any family still living, except for his adult children who lived elsewhere, so the Curtis's, for all practical purposes, adopted him.
The thought of fouling up his relationship with the Curtis clan by divorcing Carrie was distressing. Ending his marriage would be tough on more people than just Carrie and him. Carrie must have thought of all the negative consequences herself, yet she still continued the affair. That fact reinforced Rocky's feeling that Carrie must really be in love with Amy, no matter what she told him. Besides that, Rocky just couldn't get over the way Carrie had deceived him. He wasn't sure he could ever trust her again. Rocky sighed, shut down his laptop and headed for the shower.
While he was in the shower, Rocky's thoughts turned from his troubles to the much more pleasant subject of Maria. Maria was an amazing young woman, not only was she a staunch friend, she was also sexy as hell. How had he missed that for the last four years? She and Amanda made him feel better just being around them, but he would have to be careful not to inflict too much of his misery on them.
Rocky was finishing drying off after his shower, when he heard an insistent rapping at the door. He wrapped the towel around his waist and hustled towards the knocking. He smiled in genuine pleasure when he opened the door to find Maria standing on the landing.
"Hey, Maria, I was just thinking about you, come on in while I go dress."
Maria eyed him up and down with an exaggerated leer.
"No need to dress for me, it's about time I had a chance to ogle you for a change," said a grinning Maria.
Rocky blushed to the roots of his hair. He didn't think he had much to ogle. Rocky was five foot eleven and weighed one hundred and eighty-five pounds. He still kept himself in fairly decent shape, but he wasn't the stud he was back when he was a paratrooper. Maria on the other hand, seemed to think he was all that and a box of chocolates. She openly admired his muscular chest with its light smattering of hair and the way it tapered down to his waist.
Rocky invited her in, sat her on the couch, then with as much dignity as he could muster, he went to the bedroom and dressed. He blushed again when she teasingly asked if he needed any help.
When Rocky was dressed and back in the living room, Maria told him why she was there.
"I'm going grocery shopping while Amanda is at my parents'. What would you like for supper tomorrow night after the zoo?"
"You don't need to feed me tomorrow, Maria. I can rustle something up over here."
"Nope, Amanda and I are cooking dinner for you, no arguments, mister."
Rocky conceded and requested spaghetti. Maria laughed when he did that; it was so perfectly Rocky for him to pick Amanda's favorite food.
"You are such a good man, Rocky Simmons, no wonder we are both crazy about you."
Before Rocky could think of anything to say, she jumped up off of the couch and headed for the door. Rocky continued to sit on the couch after she left, his mind swirling. He was slightly ashamed of himself, because for the first time in over six years, he was thinking of someone besides Carrie. He couldn't help but think that his response to Maria wasn't that different than Carrie's response to Amy. The big difference, though, was that he had no intention of acting on his growing feelings for Maria, at least not until things were resolved with Carrie.
Rocky puttered around downstairs in his woodworking shop for the rest of the day, cleaning and organizing the place for the next time he used it. Working in the shop had always been a relaxing and satisfying experience for him, so it was no surprise that during these tumultuous times, he found refuge there. By the time he had to get ready to pick up Carrie, he was feeling calm and centered. He hoped the feeling would last while he was with her the rest of the evening.
Carrie was ready and waiting when Rocky pulled up in front of their house. She met him at the door, not giving him a chance to ring the bell. She looked a bit shell-shocked when he saw her, and his heart went out to her. When he smiled at her she grabbed him and hugged him.
"Oh God, I've missed you so much, and I'm so happy to see you," she gushed as she held on to him for dear life.
Rocky held her for a little while longer and then gently pushed her away from him. Carrie was wearing a pair of designer jeans that were just snug enough to outline her amazing ass, and a Simmons Construction polo shirt with the logo she designed for him over the breast. The shirt was the cranberry hue she favored, and he would have bet a dollar that her underwear was the same color. Her highlighted brown hair was pulled back into a ponytail and the small amount of make up she wore was perfectly applied. Rocky thought she couldn't have looked much different when she was in college.
"You look gorgeous, Carrie, but I've thought that every time I've seen you since we met."
Carrie smiled sweetly at him, moved closer to him, and then kissed him soundly. Desperate to show him how she felt about him, she pushed her tongue past his unresisting lips. She moaned into his mouth when his hand dropped down onto her ass. Rocky broke the kiss reluctantly, wondering where his resolve had suddenly gone.
"We better go, people are waiting on us," he finally said.
Carrie was incredibly happy about what had just happened. She smiled at him adoringly and put her hand in his as they walked out to his truck.
Carrie remained happy the entire party. The event went off without a hitch, and Rocky acted as always, considerate, polite and witty. For her part, Carrie was even more attentive to him than usual. After spending some time in the kitchen with her mother and sister Sarah, she came out of the house with a pitcher of daiquiris. She set the pitcher on a picnic table and sat in Rocky's lap. Then she fastened her lips on his, and gave him the best kiss she knew how to give. When she broke the kiss, the hoots and cheers of her family didn't embarrass her; in fact, the applause seemed to make her happy and proud.
One thing that didn't make Carrie happy that evening was the attention her sister Doris was paying to Rocky. Every time Carrie had to go do something, she'd return to find Doris flirting with her husband. After a few drinks, Doris Curtis Landon Bishop was a consummate and aggressive flirt, and lately, Rocky had been more and more her target. When Rocky didn't act as standoffish as he usually did, Doris upped the ante. Doris was beautiful. She was tall and slender, with a pair of the finest breasts her cosmetic surgeon second ex-husband could install. At the anniversary party, she didn't miss many chances to rub those big casabas all over Rocky. Everyone except Carrie laughed good-naturedly at Doris' antics. Carrie could only grit her teeth and endure it.
Carrie stayed glued to Rocky for the rest of the evening, making sure any female attention he received was from her. Despite his best intentions, all the touching and kissing Carrie was doing was turning Rocky on. Carrie was in full seduction mode and Rocky was a captive audience.
When they left at ten, it was hard to tell which of them was the most aroused. Rocky was beyond protesting when they arrived at their house and Carrie pulled him inside. Kissing frantically, they started tearing off their clothes as soon as the front door closed behind them. By the time they made it to the bedroom, Carrie was down to the cranberry colored thong and Rocky was as naked as a jaybird.
Carrie protested sleepily when Rocky climbed off the bed and started pulling on his trousers, but she didn't pitch a fit about him leaving. Instead, she smiled serenely at his parting words.
"I love you and I miss you, Carrie. I want to work this out, but I can't get past the idea of it happening again down the road. You honestly can't tell me it won't happen again either. How do we fix all that?"
When he bent down to kiss her goodnight, she clung to him fiercely and whispered in his ear.
"I don't know how I'll do it, but I'll think of something. Just don't give up on me — Okay?"