In absorbing the background data from Rocky's thoughts, I found much
that was the result of Carrie telling him things when they finally put
all their cards on the table. The next little bit is Carrie relating to
Rocky the devastating effect his leaving had on her. Even though it was
a week later when she told him these things, Rocky's mind had inserted
them in the proper sequence as he sat on the plane and reminisced.
Carrie Simmons arrived home at five-thirty on the dot. She was humming a little tune as she came in through the garage door. She had enjoyed a marvelous afternoon with Amy, her submissive little lover. Today, she had even introduced Amy to the pleasure of a strap on. Amy, as always, had enjoyed every minute of it but, ironically as things turned out, it was their last time together, because Amy had found a young man that for whom she was rapidly falling. Carrie had been happy for her and secretly relieved that Amy wasn't going to become some lovelorn stalker later on.
Carrie stopped short when she noticed Rocky's cell phone lying on the breakfast bar. She knew he had it with him earlier when she called him, so he must have come home and forgotten it. She next noticed that the phone was sitting atop a piece of paper with a CD jewel case beside it. Carrie saw the piece of paper was a note to her, so she picked it up and started reading.
Carrie,
I love you more than life itself; however, it is obvious you don't feel the same way about me - so I'm out of here. I will contact you later about arrangements I have made. In the meantime, I have some thinking to do, so don't bother me. The CD is a keepsake for you; I hope you and Amy have a nice life.
Rocky
The blood drained out of Carrie's face when she comprehended the magnitude of the short little note. She had to sit down on one of the barstools before she fell to the floor. She read the note a second time, her eyes brimming with tears. This couldn't be happening, he couldn't leave her like this, they loved each other too much, and their marriage was too good to let a simple little fling end it. She could not make her mind accept the fact that Rocky had left her... left without even giving her a chance to say a word.
For a moment, I felt for Carrie as Rocky's thoughts revealed her pain upon reading the note, but then I realized she still didn't understand the magnitude of what she'd done. What she called "a simple little fling" was really a mountain of deception. One of the things that has amazed me from the multiple connections I've experienced over the past few years is the uncanny ability people have to deceive themselves. Carrie was utterly blind to the extent of her betrayal. She still had no idea how her actions would make Rocky feel. I'm not sure she really cared.
As she sat there in stunned disbelief, she picked up the jewel case. What did his cryptic comment about the CD have to do with anything? She guessed the only way to find out was to see what was on it. Carrie picked up the CD and hurried into the study. She fired up their home computer and inserted the CD in the drive when the machine was booted up. The only file on the CD was a PowerPoint presentation entitled "Carrie." She double clicked the icon, then watched in horrid fascination as the slides scrolled by.
The first few slides were short sexy little notes; she was reading the third one when it dawned on her that they were copies of the playful text messages she and Amy had been sharing. The slides after the text messages weren't as difficult to figure out, as the nude photos she and Amy had exchanged jumped out at her. Rocky must have gotten the photos and messages off her cell phone. She cursed her stupidity for not deleting this stuff. The slides switched back to text, the next one was another note from Rocky.
"I forgave you once, my soon-to-be ex-wife, but not this time. It is obvious that I'm not equipped to compete with Amy, so I'm not going to keep trying."
The slide slowly faded into another picture, this one a dim but recognizable shot of her and Amy together in bed. Carrie gasped and sat back stunned, as three more photos marched across the screen. The pictures of her and Amy together sure put an end to her plan of claiming it was all an innocent flirtation. When the slide show ended, Carrie popped out the CD and sat in front of the computer, trying to think.
She took a deep ragged breath and hurled the CD across the room. This was not going to happen, no way was she going to lose her husband, her marriage, or her perfect life over something so inconsequential. Rocky was overreacting and letting his macho pride blow everything out of proportion, but she could fix this, all she needed was a chance to talk to him. Yeah, that was the ticket; she'd give him some time to cool off, then talk to him.
Carrie went back to the kitchen and retrieved her cell phone. She dialed Amy's number and sat down on a barstool. When Amy answered and they exchanged hellos, Carrie told her exactly what was happening. Amy was understandably upset and started crying immediately. Carrie shushed her and told her what had to happen for the foreseeable future.
Carrie went to bed that night upset and sad. She was upset at Rocky for acting so irrationally, and she was sad that he wasn't there for her. One thing Carrie didn't feel was guilt. Why should she feel guilty when she gave her husband her love and all the sex he could ever want? She had been the perfect wife for him and she would be as long as he lived, what more could he possibly want? Amy was a special friend and had never been a threat to their marriage. She had made that perfectly clear to Amy, and as soon as she tracked Rocky down, she would make sure he knew it also. The part of Rocky's note that concerned her most was the mention of a divorce. Well, he could forget about anything like that happening, because no way in hell would she give him a divorce.
As Rocky sadly remembered these things, I was utterly amazed at the unmitigated gall of Carrie Simmons. I loathed her for her selfish petty little life. Once again, I let Rocky's thoughts and emotions sweep through me. He still loved her... in spite of her selfishness... he still loved her. The marriage may not survive, but I was incredibly impressed with this man.
Rocky had a place to go when he left home. That place was a one-bedroom apartment above the detached three-car garage of the house he had converted to his offices. The garage now housed his woodworking shop and equipment storage room. The apartment had been occupied by a few of his workmen over the years, but was currently empty. It was four-thirty in the afternoon by the time he dragged his final bag up the stairs to the apartment. While the air conditioner was laboring to cool off the apartment, Rocky decided he'd go buy some groceries and stock the fridge. When he opened the door to leave, Maria and Amanda were coming up the stairs.
"What's going on Boss?" Maria asked, her concern evident.
"I left Carrie; looks like we'll be neighbors for a while," he replied.
Amanda squirmed by her mother, clambered up the last few steps, and held up her hands so Rocky could pick her up. Rocky knelt down, gathered the girl into his arms and stood back up. Amanda giggled and kissed his cheek. When Maria reached the landing at the top of the stairs, she hugged Rocky also. Maria stepped back from the hug and laid her hand on his cheek.
"Where are you going right now?" she asked, worried that he might be headed for a bar.
"I need to stock up on some groceries."
Maria decided that Rocky didn't need to be alone.
"Great, that's where Amanda and I were headed," she fibbed. "You can ride with us."
Rocky was spared from having to answer questions during the short ride to the supermarket, because Amanda jabbered the entire trip. Amanda was excited that Rocky was now their neighbor, and had all sorts of plans for him. They would go to the zoo, she said, and see the giraffes because they were her favorites. In addition, she wanted to go to see the Nutcracker and have a tea party and about a million other things. Maria tried to apologize and quiet Amanda down, but Rocky chuckled and said the little chatterbox was the best possible medicine for him. He turned in his seat and solemnly promised her that he would take her to the zoo on Sunday. A beatifically smiling Amanda positioned herself between Rocky and Maria and held each of their hands as they walked into the supermarket.
I couldn't help but focus on the domestic scene that unfolded in front of me. I could tell it was something Rocky really desired, yet his wife would have none of it. He gave up such notions of having children back in his life... he gave it up because of his deep love for Carrie. The more I thought about Carrie the angrier I got at her... but the more Rocky's emotions flooded my consciousness... the more I felt his deep sense of loss.
Once back at the house, Maria invited Rocky to join them for dinner, but he declined. He had some thinking to do, and he needed to be alone to do it. Rocky hadn't made any plans past leaving the house. He didn't really know what he wanted to do; he just knew he couldn't stand to be around Carrie right now. He didn't love Carrie a whit less than he had before catching her with Amy, but the images of the two women thrashing around on the bed were locked in his mind. Could he ever find a way to trust her again? He didn't know.
He figured he had just sped up the process by leaving first, given the way Carrie and Amy were so obviously into each other. He was driving himself crazy, trying to figure out what could have caused Carrie's love for him to die so suddenly.
Carrie had a hard time sleeping that night; she hated not having Rocky to snuggle up against. At five in the morning, she finally gave up trying to sleep; she pulled herself out of bed and headed down to the kitchen. She set up the coffee maker, fixed herself a bowl of Special K and sat down at the breakfast bar, feeling monumentally lonely and sorry for herself. She wasn't hungry at all, and toyed with her cereal while she thought about Rocky. Carrie Simmons was a determined and focused woman when she wanted something, and the thing she most wanted in her life was in danger of slipping away from her. She wasn't about to let that happen. She would fix this, no matter what it took.
She poured the remnants of the cereal into the sink, threw the bowl and spoon in the dishwasher and poured herself a cup of coffee. Carrying the coffee up to her bedroom, she finally decided on what she needed to do. Carrie showered, carefully applied her make up and then put on one of Rocky's favorite outfits. At ten minutes until seven, she pulled up in front of his office thinking she'd wait for him until he came to work.
She didn't know about the apartment over the garage, so she was surprised to see his truck already parked in the driveway. Figuring he couldn't sleep either and had come to work early, she walked up the sidewalk and tried to open the front door. The door was locked, and when she peeked into the side window, she saw the office was dark. Curious, she walked over to Rocky's truck and felt the hood. The engine was cold.
Carrie was standing there with her hand on the hood of his truck when Rocky came down the stairs from the apartment. He was not happy to see her.
"What are you doing here, Carrie? I asked you to leave me alone until I contacted you."
"I brought you your cell phone because I figured you'd need it for work. Is that why you left me, so you could move in with your little Cuban girlfriend?"
I was dumbfounded by the hypocrisy of her accusation. Did this woman have no conscience left?
Rocky's eyebrows arched up in surprise, at both what she said and the vehemence in her voice.
"You know better than that, Carrie, I'm staying in the apartment over the garage. I left so you could be with your little blonde girlfriend."
Carrie took her hand off his truck and put it on his arm.
"So you're not sleeping with her?"
"Of course not, Carrie, Maria is like a daughter to me. You are the one in love with someone else, not I," he reminded her irritatedly.
It was Carrie's turn to look surprised.
"I'm not in love with anyone but you, Rocky, Amy is just a friend. Yesterday would have probably been our last time anyway, because she met a guy she likes a lot. Come home, Baby, I need you and I can't live without you."
Rocky stared at her in disbelief.
"How can you say you love me and be cheating on me at the same time?"
Carrie suppressed a smile as Rocky's voice became louder. The discussion was finally moving in the direction she wanted it to go, and Rocky was no longer acting so coldly detached. That cold, silent, expressionless Rocky scared her and everyone else to death. She stepped a little closer to him and squeezed his arm gently.
"Lower your voice, Baby, this is a private conversation. First off, yes, I love you, and only you; second, I wasn't cheating on you. I wasn't having an affair and giving someone what was yours. Amy is a friend that I slept with a couple of times, that's all there is to it. When you told me it bothered you that I was seeing too much of her, I stopped that immediately and paid even more attention to you. Did you feel the least bit deprived before you discovered us?"
Rocky was still agog at her line of reasoning, yet could only shake his head negatively. Carrie was watching him closely as she talked to him, trying to gauge how things were going. His acknowledgement of her point encouraged her. She smiled the smile she reserved only for him.
"That's right, because you weren't deprived. I love only you, Rocky, and I will love only you as long as I live."
"I heard you tell Amy you loved her; what about that?"
Carrie looked at him for a few seconds; it annoyed the hell out of her that he had been snooping into her business. That discussion was for another time, however.
"I say the same things to my sisters, Baby, and say it the same way. Yes, I love Amy as a friend, but I'm not in love with her."
Rocky started to reference all the racy text messages and the exchange of nude pictures to remind Carrie that Amy wasn't like a sister to her and this wasn't just a little fling. He'd already figured out that they'd never stopped seeing each other and had probably made love dozens of times over the past two months. He thought better of it, realizing how manipulative Carrie could be. She knew how to put a spin on everything she said. Her lying deception continued. He knew he would need some ammunition for later. So, he said nothing.
Carrie leaned against him in that way she always did; she drew strength from his closeness. Despite everything, he relished the feel of her; his hand automatically went around her waist and rested on the swell of her perfect ass.
I couldn't believe it. This strong man seemed to be putty in her manipulative hands. I wanted to scream out to him, but as I explored his feelings... yes, he still loved her.
"Please come home tonight, Baby. We still need to talk, but I have to get to work."
"I'll drop by, but I probably won't stay."
Carrie was confident that if she got him back to the house, she could get him to stay.
"If that's what you want, fine, just come by and talk to me, that's all I ask."
Carrie kissed him on the cheek, handed him his cell phone, and walked back to her car. Rocky stood and watched her walk away. She opened the door of her car and gave him a little wave. As she drove off, Rocky sighed, shook his head and headed to his office. For all his worldly experience, Carrie's behavior was still as baffling to him as ancient Sanskrit.
Rocky was sitting in front of his computer, calling up the day's schedule, when Maria knocked on his doorframe, and swayed into his office. She had a mug of coffee in one hand and a toasted bagel in the other. When he saw her, he smiled. Somehow, her presence calmed him. She was wearing a black silk robe with peacocks embroidered on the front. When she moved, her pendulous breasts made the peacocks look as if they were alive. Had he been in any other frame of mind he would have appreciated her sexy beauty more, but not today. Often he'd admired the form of his pretty office manager, but he would never touch. He cared for her too much, and his heart belonged to Carrie.
"I figured you could use some breakfast," she said.
Rocky watched her as she walked over to his desk.
"You might as well slap me now and get it over with," he said. She arched one eyebrow quizzically. He answered her unspoken question. "This morning Carrie asked me if I'd moved in with you and if you were my girlfriend. I can't believe she said that. I told her I thought of you as a daughter, but you're more than a daughter to me. Maria, you're a good friend."
She gave him a grin and set down the coffee and bagel. She bent over and lightly kissed him on the cheek.
"Then I am finally getting through to you. I don't want you to be my dad; I already have one of those."
Rocky didn't quite know what to make of her comment, but neither did he have the energy to figure it out. He was too busy trying to decipher the things coming out of Carrie's mouth.
Maria straightened up and put her hand on his shoulder.
"Now what's this all about, Rocky? I saw Carrie here this morning, why did you leave her?"
He sat back in his chair and sighed. He needed to tell someone what was eating at him, but wasn't sure Maria was the right person to burden with his problems. Then again, Maria was loyal and smart. Nothing he said to her would go any further and, who knows, she might just have some insight he was lacking.
"I caught Carrie having an affair," he stated simply.
Maria nodded; she knew it had to have been something like that, given how blindly in love Rocky was.
"Was it with another woman?" she asked.
Rocky flinched when she blurted that out. Jesus, was he the only one who didn't know?
"What made you say that?" he asked.
Maria could tell by his reaction that she had been correct. She shrugged and squeezed his shoulder.
"Rocky, I'm bisexual too. Carrie and I have danced around the issue for years. If it weren't for you, she could have had me in bed in a minute. Besides, I couldn't imagine her finding a man that could do more for her, not after some of the things she told me about you. That woman loves you totally."
Rocky's mouth fell open in shock. His morning had been one surprise after another. He had no idea that Maria was bi-sexual and was attracted to Carrie. At least she was a good friend and didn't act on those desires. He gathered his thoughts and sighed loudly.
"Jesus, I must be the most unobservant asshole in the world. A part of me wishes it had been a man. I could at least get some satisfaction kicking his ass. What confuses the hell out of me is that Carrie doesn't see anything wrong with what she did. She says she loves me and only me, as if that makes everything okay. She is actually hurt that I left her over something she considers trivial."
"Listen Rocky, I know this all seems personal to you, but to Carrie it has nothing to do with you. She just wants to have her cake and eat it too. I'm not saying that makes it right. It's just the way Carrie thinks," Maria said.
Maria was nonplussed when Rocky started laughing, until her unintentional double entendre registered in her brain. She blushed a rosy red.
"Sorry Boss, bad choice of words."
"Yeah, you should have said wants her pie and eat it too," he deadpanned.
Maria couldn't stifle the giggle that bubbled past her lips. It was good that he still had his sense of humor.
"I need to wake Amanda up and feed her, then dress for work, but I'm here for you if you need me, Rocky."
Rocky stood up and hugged her. He was amazed how good she felt in his arms. He kissed her forehead and held her for a few moments longer. Maria sighed and nestled herself against his chest. He was still pondering her frank admission of being bisexual and her attraction to Carrie also. He was agog that he was so dense.
Rocky looked up as Maria came into his office to collect Amanda for her half-day preschool. Amanda and he were sitting at his conference table, both of them busily drawing. She stood in the doorway for a few seconds, watching them. Rocky gave her a boyish, embarrassed grin at being caught coloring with a four year old. His only defense was that he was crazy about Amanda and Maria knew it.
Once again, I was struck by how comfortable Rocky felt in this
domestic scene. Secretly, I hoped he would dump Carrie and fall in love
with Maria. It was evident to me, even receiving my information
filtered through Rocky's not so clear perspective, that Maria was in
love with him.