Chapter 4 – Mistakes and the Lessons They Teach

 

Start of Entry - Orbit 3011, 9^th Moon, 15^th Solar Cycle

 

They say that MAAC training is almost over.  Apparently, we’re in this accelerated course because they’re desperately short on trained pilots.  I don’t know about that.  I’ve been receiving somewhat regular communications from L’Cor.  From everything he’s told be about what actual battle is like as well as the average survival rate of new MAAC pilots, I’m afraid that most of the trainees my unit are just not ready.  I sometimes wake up in a cold sweat  from dreams of Cinda getting swarmed under by Saxx.  Yes, I can probably admit it here.  I’m falling in love with Cinda.  I mean who wouldn’t?  She beautiful, smart, funny and sexy as hell.  Oh yeah, and she’s the first woman I’ve ever had sex with.  Maybe that’s why I feel the way I feel about her, but I sure have never felt this way about anyone.  Well, anyone that’s alive I guess.

 

Ugh, I guess I’ll have to explain that a bit.  See, ever since I was a child, I’ve been addicted to this book.  It’s called, History of Royal Gaya.  It’s chock of full of stories of the time before people on Gaya made that first important step towards the technological age.  Most people call that time the Simple Age while I tend to just think of it as a Simpler World.  The world that I had lived certainly wasn’t simple.  My father died while I was still young.  I barely remember him.  I know for sure that Q’Wen doesn’t while L’Cor probably remembers him the best.  Anyway, he left behind this book; this supposed history of our planet.  Anyone who’s read it knows that it reads more like a fantasy novel than it does a history text.  Anyway, as a kid, I was drawn to the stories of knights, fair maidens and wizards and witches.  Yeah, I know, how can anything to do with magic be a part of our technological world?  Anyway, I digress.  The book chronicles how our planet came to be called Gaya.  Way back then – and other texts have verified this – our world was nothing but a bunch of continents and separate countries that were always constantly at war with each other.  One ruler managed to unite the majority of the countries on her continent and her descendants went on to unite the rest of the world.  By the time the technological age rolled in and connected the continents with unified communications, the world had taken her name, Gaya.  Anywhere you go, you can find representations of her.  I don’t know how accurate they are, but as I kid, I’ve always thought that she was beautiful.  Maybe that was why I was more partial to blondes.

 

Anyway, I’ve been in love with Empress Gaya (or Princess Gaya as she was known before she conquered a continent) ever since I was a little kid.  But that was an infatuation right?  I mean, how could I really love someone who’s been dead for over two thousand orbits?  That meant that these feelings that I’m feeling for Cinda must be real, right?

 

In any case, Cinda was fast becoming a competent MAAC pilot.  She wasn’t quite near my level, but then again, who was?  By now, even the instructors have stopped trying to take me down a notch.  I didn’t let it get to my head though, which was probably why I was fairly well liked.  I remembered the advice that L’Cor had given me.  He told me to never make enemies of those who may one day watch my back.  If they resented or hated me, they may one day decide to watch in a different direction.

 

So, I tried to act as modest as possible and didn’t hold my skill over anybody.  Truly, all I wanted to was to get out to the frontlines as soon as possible.  I wanted to join up with L’Cor and strike back at the monsters that had destroyed my home and killed my mother and stepfather.

 

I’m digressing again.  Anyway, we had just completed a series of complex exercises when Master Sergeant Frekkin ordered us into teams.  He made me a quad leader and told me to pick out three team members.  The first one I picked was Cinda.  She beamed at me with that brilliant smile of hers.  After her, I chose Jonson and Micah.  Jonson was an early supporter of mine and Micah and I both came from same province and there was that bond of similar backgrounds.

 

The teams split up to discuss basic tactics.  I put Cinda on my wing and paired Jonson up with Micah.  Jonson was a fairly good pilot but Micah needed a lot more polish.  Frekkin came over and gave us our mission brief.

 

“Alright Penrag’n.  You and your team are part of Blue Team.”  He pulled out a map card and projected a map and began to make notes.  “Red Team is here.  They are the defenders.  Blue Team has to break into this compound and take Red Team’s flag.  I’ll be in command of Blue Team.  Master Sergeant Sosa is in charge of Red.  I want you to take your quad and knock out this communication relay here.”  He highlighted an area that appeared to be a valley with densely packed trees.  “After you knock that out, the main Blue force will advance and you’ll rendezvous with them at the compound.  Any questions?”

 

My mind was racing furiously.  The mission objectives seemed simple enough.  What other things were they going to throw at us?  “No Sergeant.”

 

“Good man.  Now get your team ready.  You move out in two hours.”

 

After he left, I took the holo map and showed it to the rest of my quad.  “I think we’ve been dealt a bum hand guys.  I’m sorry.”

 

“What’re you sorry for?” asked Cinda.

 

“Look at this valley.  There’s no cover except for trees and there could be who knows how many bad guys up on the rim?  No, I think they’re going to spot us the moment we enter the valley and pick us off from long range.”  By now, we’d been assigned the full complement of available weapons.  The ammunition was underpowered, but it was not unknown for trainees to get hurt in these training exercises.

 

“What do you propose we do?” asked Jonson.

 

I studied the map.  I had a few options and I liked none of them.  “Ok, Frekkin didn’t say anything about how fast we had to knock out the communications relay.  Jonson, you and Micah will enter the valley from different locations.  You’ll both load up with missiles.  You’re job is to keep their attention away from Cinda and I.  Fire your missiles randomly throughout the valley to keep them confused.  Move fast and they might think that this was a full-blown push.  That might even get them to pull some troops from the compound so that when the rest of Blue Team pushes in; there will be fewer of them.  Once Cinda and I take out the relay, get the frak out of the valley.  You should be low on missiles by then.

 

“So we just retreat and leave you guys in there?”  Micah didn’t look happy at the idea.

 

“With any luck, they won’t even know Cinda and I are there until it’s too late.  Any questions?”

 

“Just one, oh fearless leader.”  Cinda was studying the map intently.  I tried not to get distracted by how her neural suit flexed in and out as she breathed.  I was trying very hard not to think of our session last night.  It had been especially hot.  “How are you and I supposed to sneak in?”

 

I pointed to a large river that flowed through the valley.  “How do you feel about a swim?”

 

*

 

The plan went fairly well until Cinda and I were almost to the relay.  She and I were outfitted with Hyper Velocity Cannons and satchel charges.  Not the most balanced of loads but HVCs could be submerged in water without fear of water clogging anything critical up.  I don’t’ understand the technicalities myself, but the HVC was basically a L-wave engine connected to a long magnetic tube.  The L-wave engine energized the magnets in the tube that propelled a large metal slug at hyper velocities.  There was no muzzle flash that could give away our position to any nighttime observers.  The HVC was usually reserved for heavy MAACs that could bear the weight as well as the recoil but I figured that if we fired from the river, the water should help with both the weight and the recoil.  It was the closest thing to a sniper rifle that a MAAC could have.

 

We had just emerged from the river over five hundred yards away from the relay.  I could see the large satellite dish without the need for magnification.  The bright moon overhead provided ample light.  There were no alarms or hostile fire coming our way.  We had gotten in undetected!  At this point, I suffered a moment of uncertainty.  If Cinda and I could have gotten in undetected, could I have snuck in my entire quad?  I knew second guessing myself at this point was dangerous so I rationalized that while Jonson might have been able to make the swim in the river in his MAAC, there was no way that Micah could have.  While Micah was a solid man to have around, he lost his sense of balance as soon as he was encased in tons of dur-alloy armour.

 

Suddenly, the night sky lit up with explosions. Micah and Jonson were making their move!  I looked carefully and saw two distinct flashes.  Dagnag-it!  They were even more visible than I thought they would be!  If I could see them from my vantage point, then the opposition up on the rim of the valley could too!

 

“Cinda, continue on to the mission objective!  I’m going to try to give Micah and Jonson some cover fire.”

 

“Roger that!”

 

Cinda’s MAAC continued towards the relay station.  She unlimbered a satchel charge as she walked.  I took my attention away from her and studied my secondary monitor.  Jonson was doing well.  He was moving around a lot and firing from seemingly random positions.  Micah, on the other hand, was not.  He seemed to be stuck in one position.

 

I keyed my S-wave and ordered, “Micah!  Get your butt in gear!”  I saw a flash from up the side of the valley and marked it with my targeting computer.  I magnified and saw the vague outline of a MAAC.  It had a boxy missile launcher on its right shoulder.  I brought my HVC up and aimed carefully.  I knew the weapons being used in this exercise were underpowered, but a solid slug traveling at six times the speed of sound will still do significant damage.  I aimed for the other MAAC’s waist and pulled the trigger.  The other MAAC recoiled violently and on my secondary monitor, I saw it collapse as the right leg broke away.  The recoil of my weapon’s discharge rocked me on my heels but I fought to stay upright.

 

“Help!  I think I stepped in something.  I’m stuck!”  Micah’s voice came through clearly on the S-wave communicator.

 

“Hold tight!” I ordered.  “Do not fire!”  If he fired any weapon right now, it would be like putting up a signal flare as to where he was.  Without the ability to move, he would be a sitting du’kar.

 

To this day, I’m not sure if either he heard my order too late, or he didn’t hear it at all.  I saw a flash from his position and realized with growing horror that he had just fired a missile.  At the same time, as if by some evil twist of fate, Cinda’s MAAC shuddered from multiple impacts.  The relay station was not unprotected!

 

At that moment, I did something no quad leader should ever do.  I froze with indecision.  Who do I help?  Who do I save?  Looking back now, I know that there never really was a choice.  Cinda was closer and her enemy was clearly in front of me.  Micah was somewhere in the valley and probably had several unseen enemies targeting his position right now.  Cinda was the only one that I was in a position to help.

 

Cinda’s MAAC had fallen face down.  She was still over three hundred yards away from the relay station.  I could see two MAACs in previously concealed positions taking aim at Cinda’s prone MAAC.  I took aim at the closer one and let fly with a metal slug.  This time, due to the distance, I could see first hand, the result of my handiwork.  My ‘slug’ was nothing more than a computer-generated image.  The other MAAC rocked backwards realistically and my own MAAC shuddered from the computer-enhanced recoil.  A moment later, the other enemy MAAC fell spun away as Cinda’s slug hit it high in the right shoulder.  She hadn’t fallen as I had thought!  She was simply taking a prone firing position so that she could fire her HVC properly.

 

I turned to look for Micah and that was when I saw multiple lines of fire meet at his last known position.  “Micah!  Micah!  Respond!  Micah!”  I got no response from Micah so I called out to Jonson.  “Jonson!  Head over to Micah and check him out.”

 

“Roger that!”

 

Jonson must have heard the urgency in my voice because he used his jump jets instead of running.  I saw his MAAC rise up over the valley, a small human shaped object riding of twin plumes of smoke.  I saw it jerk suddenly and then plummet towards the ground.  I keyed my S-wave and yelled, “Jonson!”  When I didn’t get a response, I keyed a private call to Master Sergeant Frekkin.  “Sarge!  Emergency.  Pilot down.  I repeat, pilot down!”

 

“Don’t get your panties in a bunch son.  I got it!”  Frekkin’s drawl was somewhat soothing, but I swore I could hear some tension in his voice.

 

Meanwhile, Cinda got close enough to the relay station to throw a couple of satchel charges.  They stuck to the side of the relay and I hear a chime in my helmet.  “Mission objective complete,” said a feminine voice.

 

Cinda formed up on my right and together, we headed out of the valley.  With our current weapons load, we would be useless in the final assault so we set a course for home base.  Cinda was quiet during the entire trip and I didn’t feel much like talking.  I kept worrying about Micah and Jonson.  I knew that I had screwed up, but I wouldn’t know just how badly until much later.

 

End of Entry

 

Start of Entry - Orbit 3011, 9^th Moon, 20^th Solar Cycle

 

Today, we were dressed in our full dress uniforms as we paraded in the central square.  The band played deep mourning tunes as the drum pounded out a slow marching beat.  File by file, we slow marched past the casket that was draped with the Royal Gayan Armed Forces colours.

 

I marched with my unit and saluted Micah’s casket as we marched past.  It had gone down in the record books as a training accident.  Micah’s MAAC was hit several times by underpowered missiles, but a lucky hit set off the underpowered warheads in his own MAAC.  That many explosions at once was enough to tear Micah’s MAAC apart.  To this day, I still don’t know why Micah had stopped moving.  Was it a servo malfunction or had he stepped in a large hole and couldn’t get out?  In either case, it didn’t matter.  Micah was there on my orders.  He was armed solely with missiles on my orders.  His death was my responsibility.

 

Later, Cinda and I visited Jonson at the hospital.  When his MAAC was hit in midair by a simulated HVC slug, his computer had cut the power to his jump jets and he had broken a leg as he crashed.  It really hurt me to see him hurt because of me and I apologized to him.

 

“Why’re you apologizing?” he asked with a frown.  “It was my mistake for hitting my jump jets like that.  I should’ve stayed closer to the ground and did a ground boost.”

 

“It was my plan, therefore it was my fault that you got hurt and that Micah died.”  I sounded like a sullen little kid and I knew it.

 

“Hey, it was a gutsy plan and we all agreed on it, right?”  Jonsen looked meaningfully at Cinda and eventually, she nodded her head.  She seemed to be deep in thought about something.

 

We sat around and hung out with Jonson for a while longer before heading out to the cafeteria for some food.  We found a quiet corner and sat down with our food and began to eat quietly.  Finally, I couldn’t stand the silence anymore and asked, “Cinda, is everything alright?”

 

She looked up and I could see her eyes were damp.  “Things are not alright.  I’ve realized that I need to do something unpleasant and I’m working up the nerve to do it.”

 

“What’re you talking about?”  Uh oh, I know that look and that tone!

 

“I’ve realized that I’ve been extremely selfish in keeping you all to myself.  It’s time for us to be non-exclusive.”

 

“What do you mean?  Are you breaking up with me?  Please don’t!”  Dagnag-it!  I was sounding like a whiny little kid again!

 

Cinda smiled wistfully.  “How can we break up when we were never really together?  R’Tus, what we had…it was just sex and nothing more.”

 

“How can you say that?  Of course it wasn’t just sex!  Cinda I lo-“

 

She suddenly reached up and touched my lips with her hand.  “Don’t.  Don’t say it!  You don’t love me R’Tus.  You can’t.  You don’t even know anything about me.”

 

“I know a lot,” I protested.  “I know that you love mornings and the colour of the sun as it rises.  I know you have a soft spot for cute animals but you hate the Saxx with a passion.  I know you’ve lost as much as I have because of this stupid war.  I know-“

 

“Shhh,” said Cinda quietly.  “Please don’t make this harder than this is.  Don’t you see R’Tus?  Training is almost over.  There has been dozens of young women making mooneyes at you in this camp.  It’s not fair for me to keep you all to myself.”

 

I shook my head vigorously.  “I don’t care about anyone else.  I just care about you!”

 

“R’Tus please.  When training is over, we’ll be assigned to different units all over the world.  There’s no way we could make a fling into something else in those kinds of conditions.”

 

“It’s because of the exercise isn’t it?  It’s because of my mistakes that got Micah killed and Jonson hurt.”

 

Cinda hesitated and said gently, “Partly, but not for what you think.  At first, I thought it strange that you wanted me on your wing.  After all, Micah was the weakest one in our quad.  He should have been on your wing where you could have looked out for him.”

 

“I didn’t choose Micah because I didn’t think he could have swam in the river in his MAAC.”

 

“But you would have been there to help him.  Besides, that river wasn’t that deep.  We walked our MAACs in chest deep water.  I wouldn’t exactly call that swimming.  Anyway, I’m not second guessing your plan – just your motives.”

 

“Motives?”

 

“What was your real reason for pairing up with me?  Truthfully.”

 

I opened my mouth but didn’t answer right away.  She had me and I knew it.  I just didn’t have the guts to say it because I knew it would only solidify her decision.

 

She didn’t wait for me though.  She stared intently at my face and said, “I thought so.  R’Tus, I’m not a damsel in distress that needs protecting from you.  I’m a soldier in a war against giant alien invaders who’ve killed most of my family.  There’s no way you can keep me safe and there’s not a chance in Hadis that I’ll let you either.”

 

I didn’t respond.  I had nothing to say.  She was right.  She was right about everything.  I guess maybe in the back of my mind, I had made her out to be Princess Gaya, with me the Black Knight.  But Cinda was not a princess and I was not a knight.

 

Cinda gathered her food and stood up.  “I’ll see you around R’Tus.”

 

I stared down into my plate as she walked away.  I had learned a very valuable lesson.  I would never again get involved in any way with anyone under my command.  My relationships to those in my quad must remain strictly professional.  I can never again allow my personal feelings cloud my judgement.

 

After Cinda left, my table seemed to fill quickly with young women from various other units.  As with Cinda, most of them were older than me, but I guess I was getting used to that.  They talked animatedly.  Most of them wanted to know how I did what I did with a MAAC.  I asked truthfully that I didn’t really think it was all that special.  That just seemed to get them even more interested.  By the time I left, I had several invitations for private tutoring sessions and a few blatant recreational sessions.  Dagnag-it!  Women in the military sure were aggressive!

 

In retrospect, I guess they have to be.  Military service draws a certain mind set.  Not only does it draw those with a natural killer instinct, it draws those who truly appreciate what it means to have a lifespan that was shorter than civilians.  In the military, if you saw an opportunity for pleasure, you took it with both hands wide open.  Who knows when you would have another opportunity like that?  Who knows if you would even live to see the next sunrise?

 

I walked back to my barracks feeling a lot more light hearted than I should have been.  After all, didn’t I just get my heart broken?  Did I?  Was I truly in love with Cinda?  I think so.  But then again, I think my heart always did belong to someone else - someone who only lived in my book and my dreams.  In my dreams, Princess Gaya rode upon her drac’en steed while I, the Black Knight, ran tirelessly beside her.

 

End of Entry.