Chapter 4 – Ascent

I began to see a lot of Cassie after that. Every morning, we would meet for coffee before heading to our cubicles. Sometimes, other people from our team would meet up with us, but most of the time, we were alone. We would have lunch in the cafeteria everyday, and we always chatted amiably like old friends.

Friends. That was such a strange concept to me. I never really had friends, and here I was becoming closer to another human being. We talked about everything. Cassie opened up about family and her ex-boyfriend, and I opened up about my parents. I told her things that I had told no one else except for Kumiko.

Kumiko. That was another strange thing. Before Cassie and I had started to hang out together, I would think of Kumiko almost constantly throughout the day. These days though, I hardly thought of her at all, especially when I was with Cassie. It made me feel very guilty sometimes, and there would be times when I wouldn’t be able to look Kumiko in her eyes. Was I being unfaithful to Kumiko? Was it possible to be unfaithful to a doll? I knew that Kumiko wasn’t real. I knew that she was just a life sized doll that I had bought off a Japanese website. I knew that my relationship with her, and my treating her as a real person was not exactly healthy. However, that didn’t stop the fact that my feelings for her were very real.

Cassie had this uncanny ability to lift up my spirits. If she was talking to someone else whenever I walked by her cubicle, she never failed to draw me into the conversation. I managed to meet many new people that way. Many of the people whom she introduced me to were surprised to know that I had been working at the company for a couple of years. It became an inside joke between Cassie and I. I was the ‘New Guy’ even though I had been working in the company for a while.

As for me, it was as if a whole new world had opened up to me. People started to recognize who I was, and in turn, I began to recognize individuals as well. There were a lot of very nice people who worked for the company. Where the heck have I been?

It started innocently enough. The Friday night drinks started to turn into Friday night dinners with the gang. The other people on the team were Dana Hartley, Steve Willis, Gary Stein and Lisa Wilson. They were all in their early to mid twenties with Lisa being the youngest. I, I found out, was the oldest of the bunch.

One Friday night, about two months after that first night of drinks, we were having dinner at the Keg restaurant, and we were doing our usual shit shooting about the company in general and our manager Chad Fong in particular.

“Damn it!” exclaimed Dana. “I don’t know how much more of this I can take!”

“I know what you mean,” said Gary. “If Chad comes over to my desk with yet another scope change, I’m gonna friggin slam my keyboard over his head.”

“You’d think that Chad’s never run a project before, the way he keeps changing the scope so many times,” said Steve.

“What do you mean?” asked Lisa. “What does changing the scope have to do with running the project?”

Gary rolled his eyes, but Cassie answered Lisa seriously. “It means, as our manager, he’s supposed to look out for us. Scope changes increases the length of a project because it means we have to go back to a prior step and re-evaluate and re-analyze.”

“Chad keeps changing the scope but not the deadline,” said Dana.

“Oh, I see,” said Lisa.

“In the end, it means more work for all of us,” said Steve.

“Or more work for Nelson over here,” said Cassie with a slight dig in my ribs with her elbow.

“I don’t really mind,” I protested. “It’s not a big deal to me.”

“But it is a big deal,” insisted Cassie vehemently. “Every time Chad plays yes man, it’s you who bears the brunt and he takes all the credit.”

“Yeah I’ve noticed that too,” said Lisa. “Why do you take it Nelson? You’re a hell of a lot smarter than he is.”

There was a chorus of “yeahs” around the table and I looked around at everyone nervously. They had a point, I see that now. But I didn’t know how to respond.

Cassie came to my rescue. “Lay off him guys,” she said seriously. “Dealing with pushy users and demanding customers is what Chad gets paid to do. Nelson just can’t be bothered to deal with people like that.”

I gave Cassie a grateful smile. “Thanks Cassie.” I looked around the table and realized that they didn’t really know what I was like on the inside. “Look, you guys probably don’t realize this, but I’m not that comfortable around people. Until I started hanging around you guys, I was a virtual hermit.”

“We’re trying,” said Cassie with a grin, “and I think we’ve almost gotten rid of the ‘New Guy’ title from you. Cassie laid her hand upon mine as she said this. A round of laughter chorused around the table. When it ended, Cassie still had her hand on mine.

This drew several looks from both Dana and Lisa, and I thought I saw them exchange meaningful looks with Cassie. I know for sure that Steve gave Cassie a thumbs-up sign when he thought I wasn’t looking. What was going on? I was starting to feel a little uncomfortable but I made no move to withdraw my hand.

The evening eventually came to a close and we all paid our portions for the dinner. As we exited the restaurant, Dana turned to Cassie and asked, “Is your car still in the shop?”

“Yeah,” said Cassie. “They still don’t know what’s wrong with it. I’m gonna have to call a cab.” She grimaced as she said this.

“Want me to give you a lift?” asked Steve.

“That’s nice of you to offer Steve, but you live on the other side of town.”

“I can drop you off.”

All heads turned to me, and I don’t know who was the most surprised: them or me. Still, the words were out and I was committed. “You don’t live that far from me after all.”

Cassie looked at me intently and said, “Are you sure?”

I nodded and Cassie and I said our goodbyes to the group and walked towards my car. We got in and we drove in silence for a while.

“This car is really nice,” remarked Cassie. She stretched out her legs and said, “I’ve always wanted to sit in a Bimmer. I couldn’t tell in the dark, but is this a Z3 or a Z4?”

“Z3, I think.”

“You think?”

I shrugged nonchalantly. “I didn’t buy the car. It was my parents’ spare car. It costs a ton to maintain and I’ve been thinking of getting rid of it. I just can’t seem to be bothered by all the fuss it entails though.”

“Well, if you do decide, talk to Gary.”

“Gary?”

“Yeah, his brother is a sales manager at a BMW dealership.”

“Oh, I didn’t know that.”

“There’s a lot about out team that you don’t know.”

“True.”

We drove in companionable silence for several minutes. The radio station that the car radio was tuned to was playing soft rock songs.

“We have a pretty cool team, eh?” said Cassie brightly out of the blue.

“They’re good people,” I agreed. I glanced at her and realized that at twenty-eight, she was only two years younger than me and easily the second oldest person on our team next to me. “They seem rather stressed lately.”

“It’s this project we’re working on. All the scope changes are really killing us and the deadline is looming ever closer. We still don’t even have a working prototype yet.”

“Maybe I should talk to Chad about it.”

“I think you should. He’ll listen to you.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s afraid of you Nelson.”

“Afraid of me? Why?”

Cassie let out an exasperated sigh. “Hello! Earth to Nelson! Don’t you think Chad understands that you pretty much carry this department on your shoulders? If you suddenly left the company, we’d all be sunk – including Chad.”

I shook my head negatively. “No way. I think you’re wrong. I’m not that important.”

“Yes you are!” insisted Cassie.

We pulled onto Cassie’s street and I stopped in front of her house. “When are you going to wake up? You’re important to this department, you’re important to the company and most of all, you’re important to me!”

I looked at her in amazement. Cassie had a fierce expression on her face. She glared at me for several seconds and then her expression melted. She leaned over to me and kissed me on my lips. It was a quick kiss, but it was full on my lips. She opened her door and ran up the path to her house.

I watched dumbfounded as she went into her house. When I saw that she was safely inside, I drove off. I was still in a state of shock. I could still feel Cassie’s lips on my own. It was as if their imprint was burned directly onto me.

When I walked into my house, Kumiko was sitting in her customary seat, but her hand was not waving a greeting. My mind struggled with several revolving thoughts all at once. Wasn’t her hand raised this morning when I left for work? Maybe she’s still not happy about my Friday night outings. We never talked about it, but I had thought that she had come to understand my necessity to interact with other people.

I shook my head like a dog shaking water off its coat. Wait a minute! What am I thinking? Kumiko is a doll! A life sized, realistic doll! Why do I keep thinking of her as if she were real with real emotions? My own emotions for her had stabilized somewhat. Having her in my house, talking to her as if she were real, all had a positive impact on my life. I was no longer quite so shy around people. A part of me will always be grateful to Kumiko for that and I part of me will always love her as well. But was I still in love with her?

I carried her upstairs to the master bedroom and got ready for bed. I changed Kumiko into her pajamas, and then I got into my own pajamas. Tonight was the first night in several months that we were actually wearing clothes to sleep. I turned off the light and lay down beside Kumiko. We didn’t make love that night.

---

On Monday, Cassie greeted me a little shyly. She kept looking at my face for something. I’m not sure, but I think she was trying to see if I was going to treat her any different than the way I have always treated her. I think she was both relieved and disappointed when I greeted her exactly the same way as I have always greeted her.

The week passed quickly because everyone was extremely busy and no one had any time to socialize. On Friday, everyone finally relaxed because we had finally completed a working prototype. That morning, I took everyone’s pieces, joined them together, and compiled the combined code into a single entity. Everyone gathered around my cubicle as I fired up the executable and launched the application that we had written as a team.

There was a small cheer from the group as the logo screen flashed. Gary thumped Lisa on the back because she was the one who had designed the logo and written the code for it. The rest of the application loaded and we tested it out by running bogus numbers and entries into the database. So far, so good. There were no error messages, and no sudden crashes. We had written a good solid application.

Chad suddenly appeared by my cubicle and said, “I hate to break this up, but I just got back from a meeting with the sales team and the client.”

There was a low moan from the group and Chad lifted up his hands in a placating manner. “Now, now, it’s not that bad.” He passed around several identical folders and the groans grew louder as the team took in all the changes that had to be made. “Really folks, it’s just a few link changes, a couple of formulas – “

“And a whole new set of security protocols!”

There was silence as everyone turned shocked gazes at the person who had spoken up. Me.

I looked up from where I had skipped ahead in the documentation and held up the new proposal for everyone to see. “Chad, if we revamp the security protocols, there’s no way we can meet the deadline. We just finished a prototype based upon the last changes and it’s ready for User Acceptance Testing.”

“I talked it out with the clients,” said Chad. His voice was becoming a little bit testy. “It’s not that big a deal. It’s only a few minor changes.”

“A few –“ I felt a warm soft hand on my shoulder. I glanced up and Cassie was giving me a warning look. It calmed me down somewhat, but not enough to drop the issue. “Chad, I need to talk to you right now, in your office.”

Everyone, including Chad, looked shocked. It was a surprise because this was the first time I had ever spoken back to Chad. I led the way into Chad’s office and closed the door when he had taken his seat. Then I really lay into him.

“This is not a simple change and you know it. To change the security protocols, we have to strip everything down right to the basics and rewrite the code from the ground up. That is a month’s work right there for the whole team and the deadline is two weeks from now. We should be in UAT mode right now, not starting over from the beginning!”

Chad tried to calm me down with some more words, but suddenly, all those years of working for him and allowing him to take the credit crashed down upon me. I realized that I really didn’t like Chad, and I really hated the way he took advantage of me. Years of pent up frustration came out as I verbally lashed him. I don’t think I used any explicit language. It’s not my style. But I told him that I, in no uncertain terms, would not continue to work as his personal slave anymore. I told him that if he had half a brain and half a heart, he would have realized that we have already worked our collective asses off for him and his clients, even though they kept changing the requirements on us. His face grew redder and redder as I spoke.

When the eruption came, I don’t know who was more surprised.

“You ungrateful ingrate! I gave you not one but two jobs! Where would you be right now if I hadn’t hired you all those years ago? Still crying about your Mommy and Daddy! I taught you everything you know. Who shielded you from silly assed users? Me! Who pushed you to work harder? Me! Who gave your miserable life purpose when you parents died? Me! You’re nothing without me! Now get out of my office and get to work!”

We glared at each other for a long time. Finally, I said, “I quit!” Then I stalked out of his office and began cleaning up my cubicle. There wasn’t that much to clean. I had no personal decorations and the only thing of mine was a picture of Cassie and I that someone had taken on one of our nights out with the group. I picked it up and looked at the picture for a long time. I realized that the thing I would miss the most about this place was Cassie.

Chad came barreling out of his office. “You can’t quit! You’re still under contract! If you leave now, I’ll make sure the company sues you for breach of contract!”

I stared him down and said in a very quiet voice. “My contract ended a month ago. If you ever bothered to check with HR, you would have known that. Not only have I not been paid in a month, I also only stayed on because I knew the team would need me on this project. They don’t need me now. The application we wrote is solid and it goes above and beyond what the client was asking for.”

I left him sputtering inanely, amid raucous cheers from everyone in the department. I looked for Cassie, but only managed to catch a small glimpse of her. I walked out of the office without another look back. My car was in the parking lot and I got in and drove off.

---

I didn’t go home right away. My mind seemed to be in a sort of fog for the rest of the afternoon. Sometime during the afternoon, I think I stopped by a bar for a drink or two. When I finally pulled into my driveway, it was after 6:00pm. There was another car in my driveway and Cassie was sitting on my front porch.

“Cassie?” I couldn’t believe my eyes. I had thought that I would never see her again.

“Nelson! Where were you! I’ve been trying to call your cell phone all afternoon!”

I pulled out my cell phone and looked dumbly at it. There were twenty-two missed calls on it. “Why?”

Cassie stood up and hugged me tight. “You left too soon! After you left, Dan Green, the Senior VP of Operations called Chad into his office.”

“So?” Where was she going with this?

“Nelson! They canned him! They fired Chad this afternoon! Not only that, they want you to take his place and salvage the project!”

“Me? But I don’t know anything about being a manager!”

Cassie snorted and said, “And you think Chad did? Nelson, he was an absolute loser and everyone knows it!” She shivered because the autumn evening was getting chilly.

I absentmindedly took out my keys and opened my front door. As soon as it opened, I suddenly remembered Kumiko. Oh no!

But it was too late. Cassie gratefully stepped into the house and exclaimed, “Wow! Your house is beautiful!”

I looked around puzzled. Where was Kumiko? She was not in her usual spot on the couch in the living room. I had a brief moment of panic when I thought that someone might have broken in and stolen her. But the security in the house was fine, and when I punched in the code, I was rewarded by an ‘all’s well’ beep.

Cassie was looking at me expectantly. “Are you going to give me the grand tour?”

I didn’t know what to say so I took her hand and showed her around the house. She was impressed and she wasn’t afraid to show it.

“Oh my God! Look at that piano! Do you know how to play?” In the kitchen, she exclaimed, “Look at that island! Wow, the things you could cook in here!” In the family room, she really went nuts, “Look at the size of that plasma TV! Nelson, they must pay you pretty damned good!”

“Actually, everything here was left over from my parents – except the TV of course!”

“Oh my God! Nelson, I’m so sorry! I forgot all about that!”

“That’s ok. Come on, I’ll show you upstairs.”

As we reached the top of the stairs though, I suddenly experienced a flash of panic. Where was Kumiko? I couldn’t let Cassie see her. She would think that I was a complete freak! As we checked out each bedroom though, my anxiety grew. Kumiko was not in any of the bedrooms. If the security was fine, and Kumiko was not in anywhere else in the house, then there was only one place that she could be.

I stopped the impromptu tour just shy of the master bedroom. “What’s wrong Nelson?” asked Cassie.

I nodded in the direction of the master bedroom and said, “That’s the master bedroom. I’m sorry, I can’t take you there.”

“That’s where your parents used to sleep?”

I nodded but couldn’t think of something to say.

Cassie cupped my chin with her hand and said, “That’s sweet Nelson. Leaving your parents’ room untouched all these years.”

I didn’t try to correct her misunderstanding. I didn’t have a chance. She leaned into me and raised her face. Her lips touched mine in a kiss that was at first tentative, but quickly grew in strength and hunger.

We fumbled our way into the bedroom I had used when Kumiko first came. It was still neat and untouched. Cassie’s fingers were busy unbuttoning my shirt. “Do you have a condom?” she asked in a breathy voice.

I shook my head. I never got any condoms because I never needed them with Kumiko.

“That’s ok,” said Cassie throatily. “I’ve got a couple.”

Cassie body was like wildfire in my arms. It was constantly in motion. It was like holding a bundle of soft yet raging fire in my arms. Whether she was busy taking off my clothes or hastily stripping hers off, she never stopped moving.

She finally paused after she shoved my naked body onto the bed. Her hands lovingly caressed my erection and she had a dreamy expression on her face. “God, I’ve been waiting for this moment for such a long time! She lowered her face and her mouth engulfed me.

I arched my back as my senses went into overload. The feelings caused by her mouth and her tongue were simply indescribable. I came with a sudden intense explosion that shocked both of us.

“Wow!” exclaimed Cassie. You must have cleared at least four feet!

I gave her a sheepish grin but said nothing. She rocked back onto her heels and playfully swung my softening member back and forth. “I’ll give you a few minutes to rest and then it’s on to round two!”

I didn’t need to rest though. “Come here!” I grabbed her upper arms and swung her down onto the bed. She let out a playful whoop that turned into soft urgent moans as I worked over her body. She was beautiful. Her body was nowhere near as perfect as Kumiko’s, but it was real flesh and hot blood. Her breasts, though firm, did not retain their shape when she was lying down. However, I found this to be strangely appealing. Her nipples were really sensitive and as I licked and sucked on them, she grasped my head in a vice-like grip. I eventually moved my way down though and she let out a soft regretful sigh. She giggled when I licked her belly button and then purred when I kissed the insides of her thighs.

Though I never did any of this with Kumiko – there never seemed to be a point – I had read a lot of erotic literature, and I had watched a lot of porn movies. My fingers gently spread Cassie open and my first lick made her stiffen as if shocked by an electric prod.

“What? What’re…Nelson you don’t have…oh…don’t stop!”

Something in Cassie’s natural musky scent drove my senses wild. I just couldn’t get enough of her! I gently inserted my index finger into her wet hot tunnel. There was no need for any artificial lubricant. Cassie’s internal muscles squeezed my finger and I carefully added my middle finger into her raging furnace. As I continued to lick, I began to thrust my fingers in and out. There was a soft squishy tissue area just at the tip of my fingers. I curled my fingers upward and suddenly, Cassie screamed! Her body bucked like crazy and her thighs were threatening to squeeze my head flat as she came.

“Where did you learn to do that?” exclaimed Cassie in wonderment.

I shrugged and quipped, “I watch a lot of porn.” I had a silly assed grin on my face and I didn’t care.

“Porn? You smart ass! Come here! I need you now!”

She tugged on my shoulders as I fumbled with the condom packet. Cassie must have been impatient because she snatched it out of my hands and ripped it open. She slipped the condom onto me. She gave me a sexy saucy smile and said, “All preparations complete Captain! Begin the insertion procedure!”

I couldn’t help laughing. I had always thought that sex was supposed be a serious matter between two consenting adults. I never thought that it would be fun or funny.

All traces of laughter left Cassie though was I slowly entered her. Her eyes rolled back and she said in a husky voice, “Oh…so good…”

I started to thrust in and out with long slow strokes. Thanks to Cassie’s earlier oral ministrations, I was nowhere near my peak. Cassie was very vocal. When she told me to go faster, I did as she instructed and was rewarded with a tightening of her internal muscles and an increase of her vocalizations.

She came with a loud scream that reverberated throughout the room. After she had calmed down a bit, she pushed me onto my back and then got on top. “You’re incredible, you know that?”

I didn’t know what to say to that. I had never made love to a real woman before. Everything I was experiencing now was new and exciting.

She leaned forward and then sat down. I slid into her effortlessly, but that didn’t make the experience any less erotic. Then, she leaned forward again so that I could play with her breasts as she moved her pelvis up and down. It didn’t take long for her to reach her peak, and this time, I was right behind her. Our bodies mashed together in manic fury and we shared a single volcanic moment of shared pleasure that seemed to last for an eternity.

As we came down from our plateau, Cassie rolled off me and we cuddled on the bed. After several minutes, Cassie sighed and rolled herself out of my arms. “I’m sorry, but I have to get going. My parents are going to be wondering where I am.”

I knew Cassie had been staying at her parents’ house ever since she had dumped her ex-boyfriend and had stormed out of their apartment. “They don’t know you’re here?”

“They don’t even know I’m seeing anyone,” retorted Cassie. Her expression became vulnerable as she said, “Um, Nelson, you know I really like you…and um…I’m not asking for a commitment or anything…but…I need to know if this meant anything to you.”

I leaned over and kissed Cassie on her cute nose. “Cassie, I’m crazy about you. You pulled me out of my shell and you make me feel more alive than I have ever felt.”

Cassie squealed in delight and kissed me hard. I had to gently push her away because her kiss was beginning to arouse my body once more. She glanced down at my rising reaction and grinned impishly. “Down boy!” She helped me pull off the condom and then placed a kiss on my erection. “Save it for next time big boy!”

We got dressed after that. Our clothes were scattered all around the room and in the hallway. We couldn’t find Cassie’s panties though and she laughingly said that it wouldn’t be the first time she had to go commando.

I waved bye to her as she drove out of my driveway. After she was gone, I went back into the house and made my way upstairs. That was when the guilt hit me. Making love to Cassie had been unplanned and sudden. It was impulsive and passionate and fun. I tentatively opened the door to the master bedroom. Kumiko was sitting in the dark. She was wearing one of her kimonos and her hands were folded in her lap. She was staring at an empty space on the floor in front of her. There was something in her lap, under her hands. I looked closer and realized that it was a pair of panties. They didn’t look familiar. I picked up the panties and then it hit me. These were the panties that Cassie had been wearing! What were they doing in here? Why did Kumiko have them? I carefully looked at Kumiko’s face without looking into her eyes. Her expression didn’t betray any secrets. Had Cassie brought these panties in? Had I?

I sighed. I couldn’t think of an answer. My mind was spinning around in circles. I showered in the main bathroom and climbed into the bed where Cassie and I had just made love. I could still smell her scent. What was I going to do? How could I have betrayed Kumiko like this? Did I still love Kumiko? Do I love Cassie?

Right then, I made a decision. Kumiko was a doll. No matter what kinds of emotions I had projected on to her, it didn’t change the fact that she was a doll. I would forever be grateful to how she had changed my life for the better, but at the end of the day, she was a piece inanimate silicone, plastic and metal alloy made by ingenious Japanese engineers. Cassie was flesh and blood, combined with an active mind and a fiery personality. It wasn’t really much of decision after all. I resolved to pack Kumiko back into her shipping box – which I never ended up recycling – and I would place her reverently in the attic. I would also clean out the attic and surround Kumiko with all the things that had come with her, as well as all the things that I had bought for her. Inanimate doll or not, Kumiko had changed my life and she didn’t deserve to be cast aside just like that.

With my mind made up, I turned off the light and closed my eyes. For the first time since in several months, I slept alone without the feeling of loneliness.