Written by Fulgur
Illustrated by Crosschan
Chapter 1
The Market Day
I woke up early.
The sun was shining brightly and the birds were singing. Normally, I
don't
really notice these things, but today they were singing so loudly they
woke
me up. Early, as it might be.
Which is was just as well, because it was a market day today.
My father was a farmer and all-around man of the soil, as he liked to
call
himself. Selling the vegetables at market in Ceris was about the only
means
of getting money we had, which didn't matter much as we didn't actually
need
that much money.
"Garden, fields and beasts, more what would you want?" was what he
usually
said. And I always thought he was right.
As I was going downstairs, I noticed that the door of May's room were
still
closed. She was sixteen and she just started what my parents called
"the
difficult age". I thought she's just a brat.
"Good morning!" I said as I joined my parents at a breakfast.
"Good morning, Zack," answered Mom. Dad just nodded.
"Ready for the market day?"
"Yes, Dad. What are we selling today?"
"Cucumbers. We got a lots of those. And we need to buy a few things for
the
house..." He paused. "Is May still sleeping?"
"Well, I didn't check her room, but I think she is. Why?"
"Go wake her up, please. She should help loading the cart, in any case."
I went upstairs and knocked on May's door. "May? It's breakfast. And we
need
your help afterwards."
No answer.
"May?"
I opened the door and almost fell down in shock.
The room was messy as hell. Clothes everywhere. And May lying in front
of
her mirror, snoring loudly.
I grabbed her and shook. "May! Wake up?"
She opened her eyes and screamed.
"You pervert! How dare you going in my room?"
"What? I haven't noticed! This looks more like a battleground to me!
Better
clean it or..."
"Or what, you sniveling, little... oh..." she stammered.
I turned around. My father, alarmed by her shriek was standing behind
me
and he didn't look happy.
"Clean it up, May. In ten minutes, I'll be back with the big wooden
spoon
of your Mom. If your room will be clean, I will only use my hand."
May's hands flew to her bottom. "No, Dad! I clean it up, I swear! Don't
spank
me!"
"No, May, you will get a spanking in any case. But if you won't
clean
your room, it will be worse. Much worse."
He put a hand on my shoulders. "Come back down," he said. "She needs
some
time to be alone."
"Take out the big wooden spoon," he said to Mom. "I doubt it will be
actually
needed, but I don't want her to think I'm all words."
Mom just nodded.
"She was up all night trying on the clothes," Dad sighed. "What will
she
do in a few more years? I have to put a stop to this."
I said nothing. The idea of bratty May getting her bottom burned
appealed
to me. She was getting away with anything last few months.
"I don't like to do that," said Dad. "But I think I would do her a lot
worse
by not spanking her for this."
"Absolutely," I said. "She's getting way too snotty."
We finished the breakfast in silence.
"You know," said Dad afterwards, "you are growing up to be a fine young
man."
"Might be, Dad."
"It's around the time you should find a nice girl of your own, you
know."
"Ha! This again?"
"What do you mean?"
"Here? This village has, correct me if I'm wrong, only three girls of
the
right age. Sue is engaged to Jimmy from smithy. Angie has her eyes on
the
teacher and Greta is..."
I didn't have to finish the sentence. We both knew Greta. Together with
her
mother, she was a vivid husband-hunter. If I married her, I would end
up
a slave in my own home. People were telling her mother is a witch, but
I
always thought it was quite unfair to the witches in general. Last
year,
when Greta got young Richard drunk and pulled him in the bushes, the
only
thing that saved him from fate worse than death was when he saw her
mother's
eager face hidden in the undergrowth and ready to be a witness to her
daughter's
"shame".
"You know," said Dad, "there are lots of fine girls in the city..."
"Dad, I'm nineteen, OK? I have time! You didn't marry until
twenty-five!"
"I was just saying that it's almost the time..." he paused. "Tell me,
do
you think your sister deserves a spanking?"
"Of course!"
"Girls, Zack, are a peculiar bunch," he continued while he slowly
grabbed
the wooden spoon. "Sometimes they go wild and we just don't know why.
In
that case..."
"You spank them, I know."
Situation wasn't quite that bad. All the girls in the village (with
possible
exception of Greta) were spanked. And usually, the spankings continued
even
after they married, at least for a few years. It was different for boys
-
I got my last spanking at the age of twelve, for something I don't even
remember
anymore, but whenever I got out in the evening, at least one house in
the
village was leaking a sounds of hard crying and even harder slaps. I
liked
it.
"Are you listening to me?"
I blinked. "Sorry, Dad, I dozed off..."
"I was saying that it's an art! You have to spank a girl with care, you
have
to have the grasp. When you finally find a girl, you must know how it's
done!"
"Your point is, Dad?"
"Come with me. Your sister is due a good spanking and I'm going to show
you
how it's done."
I gulped. I didn't expect this, but it sounded very good.
"OK, Dad!"
Before we entered the room, Dad told me: "Don't say anything. Just
look.
Don't make it worse for her, you hear me?"
I nodded.
Dad knocked. "May? It's me. It's time for your spanking, girl. Open the
door,
please."
The door opened. May was already dressed and it looked like she was
crying.
The clothes weren't all over the room, but they still formed heaps at
places.
"May? I told you to clean the room, didn't I?"
"Please, Dad! I just couldn't do it on time! But I tried!"
Dad sighed. "OK, then, May. You will get a good spanking with my hand -
and
ten spanks with the wooden spoon!"
"Daddy!!! Noooo!"
"Or should I make it fifteen spanks?"
"No! Definitely not! Ten is fine!"
Dad gave me the spoon. "Hold it until I will need it."
"Dad? Why is he here for?"
"Well, I heard you calling him a bad name this morning, dear. Besides,
one
day he will have his own family. He should know how to deal with
naughty
girls."
"Daddy! I don't want him to be here!"
"That's not of your concern, May. As I see it, you still don't have
anything
to be ashamed of. Sometimes," he said as he slowly brought a chair to
the
center of the room, "you just have to grit your teeth and bear it."
"Dad!"
He chuckled. "Sorry, I couldn't resist. Now, May, you were a very
naughty
girl, you know that?"
"Yes, Daddy."
"You deserve a good spanking, don't you?"
"Yes... Daddy."
"So come here and get over my knee."
It was quite fascinating. A mere proximity of a spanking turned bratty
May
in a sweet little girl, much more courteous than usually.
She came to Dad's right leg and bent over. He flipped up her skirt and
pulled
down her underpants in a single motion.
"Zack?"
"Yes, Daddy?"
"Come here."
I stood behind my father and looked over his shoulder. May's bare
bottom
was on a display. She kicked her legs a little.
"See?" he said. "I was angry with her this morning, but I'm not
anymore.
And she's not angry with me. Civility, that's a key. She realized what
she
did wrong and she accepted her punishment. She's already a better girl,
you
see. But," he raised his hand high, "this is still necessary, May, I'm
afraid."
*SMACK!*
May yelped. "Ouch!"
*PLESK!* *SPANK!*
"Your goal here, Zack, is to cause her as much discomfort as possible,"
he
explained calmly without missing a beat. "She should feel the effects
for
some time. Note the color of her bottom. It gets redder as you spank
her.
After it's quite red, it's usually the time to stop."
May was hiccupping and sobbing by now, throwing around on Dad's lap.
"Never spank in anger," Dad continued, punctuating each word with a
loud
slap. "And afterwards, you have to comfort her, but right now - be as
astrict
as possible."
May was crying now, her long blonde hair in disarray. "Please, Daddy,
stop
already! Stop!"
Dad added a few more spanks, then stopped and carefully looked on his
work.
"Seems good. OK, Zack, give me the spoon."
May started to squirm once she heard the word. "No! Not the spoon!"
"Ten spanks, was it?" asked Dad, calmly. "Or was it..."
"No! Ten!"
"Your hand," he told me, "is usually effective enough. But you should
be
prepared to use something worse if the need arises..."
He raised the wooden spoon and sent it down with a loud *SLAP!*
"Aaaah! Daddy, no!"
"Getting a wooden spoon on an already spanked bottom is very painful,"
he
commented. "But it has a certain impact..."
Another *SLAP!* and another May's cry.
"Find something you want to use..."
*SLAP!* "Aaaa!"
"...but only use it as a last resort..."
*SLAP!* "Nooo! Pleease, no!"
"...it won't work if you will use it every time..."
*SLAP!* "Aaaaiii'll be good!!!"
"Don't hurry, she should get a plenty of time..."
*SLAP!* "Eeeeeee!"
"...to feel each stroke..."
*SLAP!* "Pleeease!"
"...and you shouldn't hit too hard..."
*SLAP!* "Baaaaah!"
"...since you could really hurt her."
*SLAP!* *SLAP!* "Aiiiiiiii!"
He gave me back the spoon.
"Just a few tips, Zack." He stood May up and her skirt fell down over
her
bare butt. She immediately clutched it.
"Now, May, will you be a good girl?"
"Yes! Yes!"
"Did you learn your lesson?"
"Yes, Daddy!"
"I won't have to repeat this anytime soon, right?"
"No, Dad! Definitely not!"
"That's how it should be." He hugged her. "I'm sorry I had to do this,
but
you really deserved a spanking."
"I know.... Thank you, Daddy."
We left the room.
"She will be mad at me," I noted as we loaded the cart.
"She will cool down before we get back. And talk to her mother. Girls
in
her age need to talk to their mothers a lot."
"Why?"
He shrugged. "No idea, Zack."
Ceris wasn't far away and we got there long before lunch. We got our
usual
spot in the back of market. Near the toilettes. Dad said that it's a
good
place. Sooner or later, he claimed, everyone has to go through here.
Of course he was the one selling. My job was to help customers - and to
watch
out for thieves.
But I couldn't concentrate, as the vision of May getting a spanking was
still
clouding my mind.
If we weren't as close to the toilettes!
The third, middle entrance of the low building was a room for parents
whose
just didn'children needed an attitude adjustment. City was large and
people
just didn't believe in putting things off. A little girl who just came
out
was crying and clutching her bottom while her mother was dabbing at her
tears
with a handkerchief.
What did the girl do? I had no idea. But she sure deserved her visit of
that
place.
I might have spank my girlfriend one day like that, I thought. After I
get
one, I mean.
I looked at the cucumbers just in time to see a hand sneaking away with
the
largest one.
"Hey!" I cried. The culprit jumped.
It was a girl!
She had short brown hair and brown eyes, she looked about sixteen and
she
was (I couldn't help noticing) very pretty.
But she was also a thief and she started to run, with cucumber still in
her
hand.
Right into the arms of watchman alarmed by my cry.
"Oh, that's not very nice from you, Miss," he sneered. "Stealing is
bad,
didn't your mother teach you that?"
She dropped the cucumber. "I'm... I'm sorry... please, let me go..."
She
looked like she will start to cry at any moment. Suddenly I felt sorry
for
her. It was just a cucumber, after all...
"Well, we have a certain procedure we do with naughty girls who steal,"
said
the watchman. "Very unpleasant, I'm afraid, but it gets the message to
all
others who would try the same."
"May I ask what procedure are you talking about?"
This was my father. I was surprised to see a look of sympathy in his
face.
The girl was a thief, but she was young and the man... he looked as he
was
really enjoying himself.
"We take girls like her to the center of the marketplace and they get
to
feel this on their naughty bottoms," he replied with a smirk.
He was holding a short piece of wood, with short leather straps at the
top.
It looked very, very nasty.
"One hundred strokes is, I believe, standard punishment," he said.
"Well,
sorry about the trouble she caused, my good man. Would you like to
watch?
It tends to be... very amusing."
"Last time a girl tried something like this," said my father very
slowly,
"she was only put over a watchman's knee and got a good bare-bottomed
spanking.
I appreciated that. That was proper. But one hundred strokes with this?
That's
a torture, nothing more!"
"I'm sorry you feel like that, but it's a law," shrugged the watchman.
The
girl started to cry.
"Whose law?"
"Law of the Mayor. He said that we must set an example."
"After you beat her, what will happen to her?"
"Why, she will be free to go, of course. We are not complete
barbarians,
sir."
"Free to go? She won't be able to walk a step after you're done with
her!"
"That is her problem. She knew the risks when she tried to steal your
cucumber."
"What cucumber?"
"Excuse me?"
Father looked him in eyes. "I did not see her taking anything. And
neither
did my son."
I wanted to say something, but his look silenced me.
"But she had the cucumber! She dropped it, it's right..."
There was nothing on the ground. Watchmen looked puzzled.
"Since there's no proof she did anything, I suggest you to let her go,"
continued
father.
The watchman sneered again. It wasn't a nice sneer. "I understand. Well
then
- go, you nasty girl! But next time you won't be so lucky! He flicked
his
implement and hit her skirt-clad bottom. She screamed and jumped high.
"That was just a reminder. Next time - you will get a lot more."
And he was gone.
"Dad?" I whispered. "What happened to the cucumber?"
"Somebody stole it," he shrugged. "A real thief, mind you. Not like
this
girl."
"What do you mean?"
"She was here for ten minuntes before she tried to steal that cucumber.
She
was always looking around... She only tried it because she you weren't
watching
the goods."
"Oh. Sorry..."
"Excuse me?"
The girl, eyes down, stepped to our stall.
"I... I'm really sorry. With your cucumber and all."
"You should be," said Dad sternly. "It was a damned fine cucumber if I
say
it myself. You shouldn't steal if you don't know how, missy."
"I... I was hungry."
"Well, you should say so! I'm never one to refuse food to a pretty
young
lady!" thundered Dad.
She actually blushed.
"We are going to have a lunch in a short while and you are welcome to
join
us. But first, we have to get one thing clear."
"Yes?"
"I told that watchman about the girl who tried it before. Do you
remember
what happened to her?
She nodded. "Yes, sir. She was... spanked on her bare bottom?"
"Yes. Now, such a punishment would do no good to a real thief.
Professional,
I mean. Bare-bottomed spanking is a childish punishment and it should
only
be done to a girl who behaves as a child. Wouldn't you agree?"
She nodded. "I did a stupid thing, didn't I?"
"Yes, young lady, you did. What's your name, by the way?"
She blushed again. "Merta, sir."
"Well, Merta, we can't have girls - not even hungry girls - going
through
here and stealing our wares. See these toilettes? Zack here will now
take
you to the spanking room in there and he will spank your bare bottom to
punish
you for the theft. It won't be nice, but it will be much better than
what
the watchman had in store for you. What do you think?"
Tears appeared in Merta's eyes. "I was... silly, sir. I deserve it."
"Good. And after you come back, we are all going to have a lunch
together.
And everything will be forgiven."
"Thank you, sir."
"Well, then, go in. Zack will be there in a short while."
She left for the toilette house, with the slow shuffle of somebody who
doesn't
look forward to getting to her destination. Not at all.
"Me?" I stammered. "Why me?"
"You got the theoretical lesson this morning, didn't you?" shrugged
Daddy.
"It's time for you to get some practice. Be firm, but not too much, I
have
a feeling there's more to this than meets the eye."
"But why me?"
"I have to mind the stall. And it was your absentmindedness that
tempted
her so you are the one to solve it."
"Well anyway, I bet she has run away by now. Why did you send her
first?"
"It's a test, Zack. If she won't be in there when you come, she has no
honor.
A spanking wouldn't do her any good anyways."
"And if she will be there?"
He smiled. "Do you remember that girl I told you about? The one who
tried
to steal and got spanked for it?"
"Yes?"
"I never told you this, but that's how I met your mother."
"Wait a moment, you mean -"
"Fate, my son, has a curious patterns. When I saw her here, taking
courage
to steal a stupid cucumber, I thought 'History is repeating itself'."
"You aren't serious."
He nudged me. "We gave her enough time to run if she wants to. Don't
keep
her waiting any longer."
However excited I was by the spanking room, a wave of nausea came over
me
as I entered. I was here once before, when I was about six and threw a
tantrum
at the stall. It wasn't a pleasant memory.
Merta hasn't run away. She was sitting on a chair, waiting.
My eyes were drawn to the chair in the back of the room.
A man was sitting there, spanking a girl - probably his daughter. She
was
bawling at the top of her lungs, but his hand was relentless. He was
spanking
slowly, but I was sure he already spent a few minutes doing just that.
Apart from him and Merta, there was a girl, looking about eight,
sitting
with her mother.
"Hi!" she said brightly. "You came to spank her?" She indicated Merta.
I didn't know what to say, but Merta nodded. "Yes, he came to spank me."
Girl nodded. "I will get spanked with Momma's hairbrush," she said, to
noone
in particular.
"That must hurt," I remarked.
"Yeah," she sighed. "But Momma says I must get a good spanking because
I
was naughty."
"And you were, young lady," said her Mom sternly.
"Were you naughty too?"
Merta smiled. "Yes."
"So you will get a hairbrush too?"
"I... I hope not..."
"No, she won't," I said. "I don't even have a hairbrush."
"You can borrow mine," offered the Mom. "Ah - I think, Emma, it's our
turn."
The man stopped spanking his daughter, carefully stood her on the
ground,
let her cry for a while and then pulled her panties up and lead her out.
"She threw a tantrum and overturned a cart with apples," said the Mom.
"But
her father was too mild with her. Nothing beats a good hairbrush,
right,
Emma?"
She stood up and went to the chair, hairbrush in her hand. Emma looked
at
her with worries. "Momma, please..."
"Oh, come on, acting brave all the time and then this? You were a
naughty,
naughty little girl, Emma, and naughty little girls get the hairbrush.
Skirt
up, panties down and bend over my lap!"
I sat next to Merta and we watched in shared fascination as Emma's bare
bottom
shined in the air, right before her mother started to apply the
hairbrush.
She reminded me May and the wooden spoon. She started crying almost
instantly
and she was kicking a lot.
"I don't like to do this to you, Emma, but your behaviour was
unforgivable
today!" she was saying as hairbrush was rising and falling. Emma's
panties
flew off and Merta took them and put them on the chair. "Thanks, my
dear,"
said Emma's Mom.
As Emma's spanking continued, Merta looked increasingly more uneasy.
She
clutched my arm.
Finally it was over. Emma hollered and jumped while her mother calmly
put
the hairbrush back. Then she hugged her daughter.
"I hope this will be enough motivation for you to be good from now on!"
she
said.
Emma just nodded.
"Well, Merta, it's time," I said.
She looked scared.
"It will hurt a lot, right?"
"That's a stupid question, Merta. Of course it will hurt." I sighed.
"Look,
I want you to know that I'm not angry with you. It's just that Dad
asked
me to..."
"It's the right thing to do," she said. "He lied because of me. And he
lost
a cucumber. It's just that... when I saw that girl, I realised that I'm
going
to be spanked just like her. I deserve the spanking, I just... just
don't
want to be spanked."
"Well, then - how are you normally spanked?"
Merta looked down. "I... I was never spanked, Zack."
That was impossible! Everyone got spanked as a kid, even boys! "Come
on,
you can't expect me to believe that."
She was silent.
"OK," I told her. "So I will spank you the same way my younger sister
is
spanked. Will that be OK with you?"
She nodded.
I sat in the chair.
"Come here, Merta, and bend over."
She did, but she was trembling. I decided to go easy on her.
I flipped up the skirt and tugged at the panties.
Nothing!
"Er... maybe you could, you know... lift your bottom a little?"
On second attempt, the panties slid down.
I raised my hand.
"Ready, Merta?"
"Ready..."
*SMACK!*
I was surprised how intense the feeling was. She was yelping from the
beginning,
but I tried to give only light spanks. Yet - firm. This was not the
time
to be tender.
As I continued, her bottom developed a pink tint and she started to
kick.
After another while, she was sobbing. Then crying. That was enough, I
thought.
I pulled her panties up and stood her. I wasn't sure if I'm supposed to
hug
her, but she hugged me instead, solving this little dilemma.
"I'm... so sorry you had to spank me, Zack!"
My hand was sore, but strangely enough, I wasn't the least sorry that I
spanked
her. I quite liked it, in fact.
Hold that thought, I said to myself. You shouldn't like it - or you end
as
that watchman did.
"Well?" asked father after we came back. "Did you learn your lesson
about
stealing?"
Merta rubbed her bottom. "Yes, sir. I did."
He nodded. "Good. In that case, we should eat."
He brought the sandwiches. Two of them.
"But what are you going to eat?" asked Merta.
He smiled. "There are always cucumbers."
"Excuse me, young lady," said a slick voice. Merta turned around, and
so
did I.
It was the watchman.
"What are you doing here?" asked father. "We didn't do anything wrong
and
she neither."
He smirked. "Some people are very interested in talking to her."
Merta jumped. "No!" she cried. "I won't go back there! I won't!"
Father looked at her. "Girl," he said, kindly, "why I have this feeling
there's
something important you didn't tell us?"
Merta snatched a piece of chalk he used to write prices on the board.
"What's this?" asked the watchman in contempt.
But Merta already snatched a piece of wood. She drew a triangle. And
three
lines, one from each corner, meeting in the center.
And when the watchman grabbed her hand...
The chalk lines shined. The central point rised up in the air and with
a
silent snap, the three-sided pyramid separated from the wood and hung
in
the air.
It turned slowly. Then, it started to get red.
Merta threw me and father to the ground in the same moment that it
exploded.
He was staggering, blinded and deafened by the blast. But that didn't
prevent
him from shouting: "Get her! Get the girl!"
Merta turned to me.
"I'm sorry it ended like this," she said. "But I'm not coming back
there.
I didn't want to hurt anyone. I really didn't!"
The watchman finally cleared his mind and tried to grab her again.
And my father knocked him out with the piece of wood Merta used for her
pyrotechnics.
"There's no time to lose," he said. "Get out of here, Merta! And you go
with
her! See she gets safely out of the marketplace!"
"What happened?" I cried. "What did she do? Merta, how did you do that
explosion?"
She started to cry. "I don't know! It just... works that way! Every
time
I draw that picture, it does that!"
"It was a tetrahedron," said father. "Ancient symbol of fire. There's
an
old story. Merta, are you a Geomancer?"
"Sir, I don't even know what that means!"
A few more watchmen appeared in the distance. Father grasped the piece
of
wood more firmly.
"Pray that you never find out," he said. "Now go!"
And so we ran.
End of Chapter 1
May's Retrospective Readers' Corner:
Well, hello, all the Geomancer readers!
Fulgur decided to convert all of the previous chapters to the HTML
format
and post them again - and at once! And I was given the
assignment
of putting something on this place - which means I have to remember all
those
spankings once again! Oh, I really hate that...
Anyways, this is the first chapter. It was originally written and
posted
on 25th March 2004 - which will be forever marked as the Geomancer Day
in
Fulgur's calender!
There is one big edit - Fulgur corrected my age from thirteen to
sixteen,
as that's the age I was using in all further chapters. Thank you, you
can
send three years' worth of birthday gifts on Fulgur's email address...
How was Geomancer created? Well, the short answer is that Fulgur is
crazy.
I mean, you all know that he's crazy about spankings, but he's also
crazy
about geometry. He knows all kinds of stuff about polyhedra, polychora
and
such. He can name most of the 92 Johnson solids by heart. He knows
about
things like "Coxeter-Dynkin diagrams", "Finite content hyperbolic
groups",
"Eight-dimensional Gosset polytopes" or "Vertex figures". To most
people,
this seems like an incomprehensible peace of sh... magic. So he
figured,
hey, why not have a geometry-based magic? After all, people use crude
2D
diagrams like pentagrams and hexagrams all the time?
You might ask how did he come up with the diagrams. Well, he
didn't.
(He's far from smart enough to do that!) All
of them are standard graph representation of regular polyhedra. OK, he
made
up the ones for nonregular polyhedra himself - but it's really not
hard.
All you have to do is to understand the subject. And be crazy, of
course.
The funny thing is that the Geomancer idea got somehow crossed with
another
idea bouncing inside Fulgur's crazy mind: And that was the idea for
console-style
RPG involving spankings.
You see, Fulgur is a fan of console RPGs. Not the regular
pen-and-paper
ones, mind you, because he is faaaar too lazy to play them thoroughly
and
he has an attention-span of a mutated fruit fly. Computer thingies can
be
always switched off and on whenever he likes...
So, one of his RPG ideas involved a young man who travels with a group
of
girls - and spanks them. And he wanted to make the spankings a true
part
of the game, not just a gimmick. He was coming up with crazy ideas
about
personality systems, behavioral patterns and the effectivity of
punishments,
but it all boiled down to one thing:
He was too lazy and too unskilled to pull this one off (not mentioning
that
his graphical skills are not even negative - they are imaginary!).
So you have this instead. Hmmm... That might be all for today... Yeeek!
Far too lazy, am I? Attention span of a mutated fruit fly? Far from
smart
enough? Crazy mind?
Well, I mean... you never heard of an artistic licence? Hyperbola?
You
must have heard about it, you are geometry egghead... Uh oh...
Ah... well... what are you doing? Hey, isn't that the wooden spoon from
Chapter
10? Wait! No! Please, no! Waaaaah!!!!!
Uh... May, signing off... Ouch...