Chapter 8
On Sunday, Becky and the others were back in town. I should have given them a chance to decompress, but I was too confused, and Becky was the only person I knew that might understand what I was going through, except maybe her master, who seemed to have me read completely, but I was definitely not going there.
I called Becky early Sunday afternoon and asked, "Did you have a nice honeymoon?"
"The best, Mom, the best!" she replied excitedly.
"That's good, honey," I said nervously. "Listen, are you up to meeting with me tonight?"
"Well, we just got back, and I'm a bit wiped out. Is it important?" she asked.
"Umm, I'm not sure," I said, even more nervously.
"I can tell something is wrong, Mom. Is it about me?" she asked.
"No, not at all," I said. "I just had some questions..."
"Do you want to come over for dinner?" she asked.
"Could we go out somewhere, just me and you?" I asked.
"OK, Mom," she said. "Let me just check with Master."
She put me on hold and came back shortly, advising me that her master had given her permission to have dinner with me. We set up a time, and I said good-bye.
I went to Jake and said, "Um, Jake, I just wanted to tell you that I am going out for the evening."
"Where?" he said, sounding disappointed.
"Becky is back, and I'm going to meet her for dinner to talk to her," I told him.
"The minute that she gets back," he observed. "You must be really torn up about this. Maybe we should just stop everything that we are doing."
He seemed quite concerned, but I told him, "That's just it, I don't think I want to stop, I just don't know what is going on. I need to talk to Becky. Maybe she can help."
"OK, dear," he said. "You talk to her, then come back and we'll talk about it."
I met Becky at the restaurant. She looked tan and happy. We greeted each other and ordered our food, then she said, "What's up, Mom?"
Now the ball was in my court, and I didn't know what to do with it. How do you tell your daughter that you are submissive just like she is? What do you say?
"Um, remember how I said that I couldn't understand why you were doing what you were doing?" I asked.
"Uh, huh," she replied.
"Well, I think that I understand you better now," I said.
"Why's that?" she asked.
"I think that I'm becoming like you!" I said, then I broke down crying. She moved her chair next to me and held me until I calmed down.
"Tell me about it," she said in a reasonable tone of voice.
"It's your fault," I started. "Remember how you called me after we all had dinner?"
"You and Dad did it?" she asked with a smile.
"Yes, and I liked it!" I cried. "I liked it a lot. And we did it again, and again. And now, I've agreed to be his sex slave!"
"Like me?" she asked.
"No, not quiet like you," I explained. "Just in bed or wherever we are doing it. Oh God, I can't believe that I am having this conversation with my daughter!"
"Your grown, married daughter, Mother," she said.
"I know, but it's still hard!" I said.
I took a couple of deep breaths and then said, "Let me tell you everything."
And I did. I explained how I enjoyed what Jake did to me. Then I explained about Amy, right up to what she had done last night.
"That manipulative bitch!" she said, but her tone was somewhat approving. "So what can I do for you, Mom?"
"I'm so confused!" I explained. "I feel bad about having these feelings that, on the one hand, I feel are wrong, and on the other hand, make me feel so good. I guess I would be OK with the feelings that I have with your father, but what should I do about Amy? I don't want to stop being friends with her, and I am worried about the thoughts that I am having, but at the same time, I feel good when she orders me around. I am going crazy!"
"First of all, Mom, you are not going crazy," she said soothingly. "I know what you are going through. I had much more incentive to be this way, and I still felt the way that you do. I'm not sure what you should do, but the way that I solved it is by embracing it completely."
"What do you mean by that?" I asked.
"Well, I figured that the best part of being submissive is that as long as I was doing what Master wants, I could not possibly be doing something wrong," she explained. "Becky might have thought that it was wrong to expose my body in public, to have two other women sexily slather my body in sunscreen while a beach full of men and women watched, but if Master told me to do it, then it must be right, so I didn't have to be conflicted at all. On the other hand, I was giving myself to him completely, and you are not really going that far with Dad, so I'm not sure what to say."
She was thoughtfully silent for a few moments, then observed, "It seems to me that what you are doing with Dad is not freaking you out as much as the things that you are doing with Amy, is that true?"
"I guess," I said.
"So in the worst case, you can tell Amy to back off, and continue what you are doing with Dad, right?" she asked.
"I guess," I said reluctantly.
"You don't want to give up what you feel with Amy, do you?" Becky asked with a smile.
"I don't know!" I said mournfully.
"Let's ignore your new relationship with Dad for a moment, then, and concentrate on how Amy makes you feel," she said. "How does she make you feel?"
"Submissive," I said quietly. "But it's weird, because most of our relationship is just the same, except these moments where she takes control!"
"Do you want to change the relationship completely?" she asked.
"I don't know!" I replied. "She's my best friend. I love the friendship we have. I guess I'm worried about changing it irrevocably. What happens if we continue down this route? If it works out, then will this new relationship supersede our old friendship? If it doesn't, will it ruin our friendship forever? How will Dad react? And what about Jim?" I was quiet for a moment, then I continued softly, "Also, I've never been with a woman before. What if I do it wrong? What if I don't like it?"
Becky was thoughtful again. Just then our food came, so we took a break from the conversation and quietly ate our dinners. When we were done, Becky said, "You've asked some very good questions. I can't answer all of them, but I can make some suggestions.
"Nothing that you've said so far would seem to me to be an impossible obstacle. It seems to me that there are three problems here. One, will your friendship survive, two how will your husbands react, and three, will you like being with a woman. Let's take the first problem first.
"I think that your friendship can survive, but not the way that you are going about it. The problem is communications: you have none. You are starting in this whole new relationship, and neither of you know what the other wants to get out of it. That is a sure-fire recipe for disaster, especially in Dominance and Submission. You have to clearly define your boundaries, or at least come up with a way to indicate that you've reached a limit, or you are going to hit a limit, and then someone will be hurt. Either she will be upset because you didn't obey, or you will be upset because she pushed too far.
"So far, you have not gone far enough to hit a limit, but you will. What if she had wanted you to eat her yesterday, would you have?"
I shrugged, unsure of the answer.
"The second issue, your husbands, comes down to the same problem: communications. If you don't know how Dad will react, then you haven't talked about it enough. If there are limits that he wants to place on your actions, then he has to let you know what they are. If you don't discuss it, then you will cross a line that will hurt one or both of you. The same is true with Amy and Jim, and to some extent, Dad and Jim.
"So I think that what you are going to have to do, despite how painful I know it will be, is to sit down, first with Dad, then with Amy, then probably with Dad, Amy and Jim, and clearly define how your relationship will be in the future." I nodded, understanding, yet unsure how I was going to do that.
"An idea that might work between you and Amy so that you can keep your friendship is perhaps using different personas," Becky suggested.
"I don't understand what you mean," I said.
"For instance, when you are good ole Claire, then you are just friends," she explained. "But if she calls you Marie, then you are the sweet submissive."
I thought about that. Marie was my middle name, one that I didn't really use. Would a split personality work?
"It's just a thought," Becky said, sensing my ambivalence. "It may work, it may not, but it's something to discuss with Amy when you are ready. As for the third problem, I may have a solution for that, as well." Becky got an evil looking grin on her face, and I started worrying.
"You said that you are serving Dad now, so you probably want to do things to make him happy, right?" she asked.
"Uh, huh," I said, nervously.
"Well, what is the single most common male fantasy?" she asked.
"I don't know," I said.
"Two women at the same time," she said with a grin. "And from experience I can tell you that, done correctly, the guy just loves it!"
"You want me to get Amy to join me and Dad?" I asked.
"Well, maybe one day, but not yet," she said. "I was thinking of something that would solve a different problem as well. You don't know how you will react with Amy, so what if you get someone else in bed with you and Dad, and you can practice with a girl in a less pressured environment, while Dad can get his jollies as well?"
"Do you mean you?" I asked, scandalized.
"Ooo, you are a kinky bitch!" Becky said with a big laugh. "I don't think either of you is ready for that yet! No, I thought that perhaps I'd lend you Chrissy! She is certainly obedient, so she will do everything that you tell her to, she knows how to treat a woman right. She would be perfect to help both of you through your first time with someone else with virtually no stress on your part. You don't have to worry about satisfying her or how she will feel about it; she will just be thrilled to be following orders."
"I'm not sure that this is a good idea," I said, but in reality, I was very intrigued. I didn't know Chrissy well at all, but I knew what she looked like, and I knew that she would certainly turn Jake on. Plus, I probably wouldn't be as nervous doing things with her, because she wasn't my best friend. However, it might be uncomfortable later, when I saw her in the future, so I was really torn.
Becky sat up straight and signaled for the waitress. "Tonight," she said.
"Tonight what?" I asked.
"Tonight you are going to take Chrissy home with you," she said. "I won't let you overthink this. We are going to drive to my house, and I am going to instruct Chrissy on what she is to do. Then you are going to call Dad and tell him that you are bringing a surprise home for him. If he doesn't go for it, you can always have Chrissy just clean your house while you take care of Dad, but I bet that he will go for it."
"I don't think that I can do it now," I told her. It was just too soon.
"Well, here are your choices," Becky said. "You can go along with me, or I will tell Master the story, and he will order you to do it. Do you think that you would refuse him?"
I thought about it and shuddered. If he told me to do it, I would, I just knew that I would.
"OK," I said quietly.
"Excellent," Becky said, grabbing my hand and squeezing it. "Now let's blow this Popsicle stand and pick up a little slave girl for you!"