Reviews

I know as well as anyone how difficult writing projects are.

This is actually two stories written in three hours using a set of key words. Both are very arty, confusing, and have little sex content. An extra n in the Father Ignatius story. Let’s hope he does not practice what he preaches! I bet someone’s already cracked that one.

Overall both pretty good results competition wise but not so hot on the sex front. Not surprising really given the constraints. Both could be improved with more time and proofing.

Top ten reasons Father Ignatius should have won the first "Write Club" contest:

10. Threat of damnation.



9. Nuns in bondage!



8. No more late nights over single malt.



7. Mrs. Wheeler may find out about the “fishing trip”.



6. Indulgences make for great bribes.



5. Good tickets to the Pope’s next American visit.



4. Gnarled old priests need love too.



3. Fewer Hail Marys at the next confession.



2. He’s damn good with a whip.
   
   And the number one reason Father Ignatius should have won the first Write Club duel...



1. celia are a sub and would have meekly agreed with the finding.

Hats off to Mr Slot and Father Ignatius for a pair of fine stories. And to Dr Spin for his refereeing. I'm really impressed that the writers managed to produce these stories in under three hours. Sometimes it takes me that long just to put down a small sentence. Dr Spin did a fine job of presenting the stories, too, though if I'd been the one doing the judging, Slot's story might have come out on top, say 99 to 94.

- Mat Twassel

PS For those who care about such things, here's the round by round details of my scorecard, using the ten point must system but waiving the three knockdown rule:

1. Plot--Was the plot entertaining, original, well- handled? Inappropriately complex?
   
   Mr Slot's tale was more of a piece; Father Nat meandered here and there, though not much, and the quirkiness of the direction, the asides and side-passages had some entertainment value. Slot's plot was certainly well- handled even if not particularly original. Slot gets the nod by a narrow margin.
   
   
2. Characters--Were the characters well-defined? Engaging? Interesting?
   Odd that Slot's comic book style characters were more interesting and well-defined and better realized than Father Nat's, whose people had a slightly more realistic shaping. The female lead in Nat's piece never quite came into focus, and in many respects the narrator remained a little fuzzy, a fuzziness without allure. The relationships in Slot's story, while not particularly deep, came to life. Plenty of potential in the relationship in Nat's story, but it never fully developed that spark.




3. Language--Was the language interesting and appropriate? Did it contribute to or interfere with the story?
   
   Both writers did well with language. Slot's might have been more impressive in that the word choice and diction and dialogue contributed more directly to the story. Incidentally, Nat's handling of bromeliads struck me as more peculiar than anything else, whereas Slot's street name made me smile. In truth the use of the required words often seemed just a trifle forced in both stories. Now it could be that it seemed so because I knew the words in advance.



4. Flow--(phrase and sentence dynamics) Was the story a smooth read, or were there snags, spots which stopped me or took me out of the story?
   
   Impressively fluid writing by both authors.



5. Pace and Piece--(overall story dynamics, construction, and balance) Did the sentences and sections move in appropriate fashion? Was there rising action? Was the climax satisfying?
   
   A clear victory for Slot in this round. His story might have been easier to tell, true; I give him credit for picking something he could really do justice to in the time frame. Nat's story suffers just slightly from a soft pace, a setup and seduction just a tad slow (not that I have anything against slow seductions), and a culmination which doesn't quite rise to the heights.
   
   
6. Setting--Was the setting interesting? Appropriate?
   
   Slot did a good job with the spare stark investigation room--simple props perfectly placed. Nat's pool came to life, too, especially those water polo goals, although I feel that Nat, had he more time, could have refined a few things, added a few telling details. The sandpaper surface of the diving board, for example, was barely adequate, and opportunity for contrasts there was perhaps overlooked. Overall I call this round even.
   
   
7. Technical--Did format, spelling, punctuation, usage, etc. get in the way of the reading?
   
   Slot had a few small slips, Nat fewer. Both stories are easily read.
   
   
8. Erotics--Did the story turn me on?
   
   The erotic tensions and conflicts were stronger and sharper in Slot's story. By contrast the eroticism in Nat's work seemed a touch dilute. What I really liked in Slot's story was the satisfaction the female detective took in her triumph. And their relationship, though perhaps not profound, was well-illustrated. The sex and sexuality in Nat's tale was of considerably less impact and consequence.
   
   
9. Ending--Was the ending satisfying? Or did I feel let down?
   
   At the time of the reading I thought Slot's ending was much the stronger. Hey, I was rooting for both his characters to triumph. The moment it ended I thought of various twists, other conclusions, and that process enhanced the experience. The ending seemed right. Nat's ending was softer, so soft that now, three days after having read the story, I remember it only vaguely. The images at the end of Slot's piece remain vivid
   
   
10. Life--Did the story achieve a life of its own? Did it take me someplace special? How well did it get off the page and into my head and heart?
    
    Both stories succeed. While I read them I was immersed in the world of the stories. The characters and situations became a part of my life. I would have liked to learn more of the characters in Nat's story, and I would have liked to have gotten a better feel for some of the actions--the diving board sex, especially. I feel Nat's story needs another draft or two. Slot's probably just the smallest touch-up and a final proof.