DISCLAIMER:  Disclaimer:  I don't own 'em.  All the characters you recognize belong to someone who isn't me and are used without permission purely (!) for a little non-profit personal entertainment.

Codes/rating/warnings:  Buffy/Xander, Oz, Giles, R-ish to NC-17.  You have been warned.
 

Face Value
by Melissa
 

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

At least, that's what my mom says.  It would probably help if I knew what that meant, but I figure asking her is just going to open up a whole can of worms.  It's just something in the way she says it, and the way she looks at me.  It's the same look she gets when she's doing the books for the gallery, like she's adding up stuff and taking away stuff and coming up with a total she's not too sure she likes.

Whatever.

I wanted useful advice, instead I got platitudes.  Sort of sums up my life at the moment, really.

See, ever since I had the dream, I've been wondering -  okay, obsessing - about what it meant.  I've looked in dream books, and in some of Giles' books.  I've even checked out Willow's bookshelves, but none of them were really any use.

Apparently, dreaming about anything that *isn't* sex is actually sex-based, and dreaming about sex itself has nothing at all to do with sex.

Now, I'm no Robert Einstein, but something there smells just a bit like seafood, if you know what I mean.

I want to ask Giles, but I know if I did, he'd drill me until he found out about the dream.  In graphic Technicolor detail.  And no way in hell would I be able to look him in the eye after I told him -

God.  I can barely look him in the eye *now*.  I don't even want to think about saying it.  There's no way I'll be able to say the words.  Besides, I really only know the dirty words, anyway, and I don't want to see the look on his face when he hears them.  No *way*.

And intellectually I know that I should just dismiss it as just the hormonal ramblings of my teenage subconscious and get on with my life, but I keep thinking about it.  It was so real, so *vivid* - and god, did it turn me on.

Seriously.  I woke up so wet it was embarrassing.

It wouldn't be so bad if it'd just been *one* of them.  Xander, Oz, Giles.  I could deal with it on some level if it had been just one - but all of them?  Christ.

Okay.  So, it starts off with me lying naked on a bed, silk sheets and all.  Then Xander's on top of me, kissing my forehead, my cheek, underneath my jaw - and then I realize he's naked, and then he -  you know.  He - well, he puts it in me.

And I like it.  *Liked* it.  God, whatever.

I've only ever let Angel - well, you know.  And it was - oh, god - it was *cold*, y'know, him being a vampire and all.  But Xander felt - warm.  Hot.

Christ.

So he's fucking me, hard, and then I look up and I see Giles is there, and he's watching us, and it should be a turn off, but it's not, and the next thing I know, Xander is rolling us over so I'm on top of him, and Giles is behind me, and he's using his fingers to -

Oh my god.

It's so embarrassing.  I don't even know how to say it.  I mean, it's gross, it's so disgusting, I would *never* want that, not ever, but I liked it when he did it.  God.

He was using his fingers to -  to -

I remember talking to Cordelia once, a long time ago, about this.  Well, not exactly this, but about as close as it gets.  She liked to talk about stuff like this a lot.  I think it was mostly talk, but you could never really tell with Cordelia.

Anyway, she called it finger fucking.  Except his fingers weren't, you know, where you'd normally put them to do that.  They were in my ass, okay, he was finger fucking my ass while I was on top of Xander, and I loved it.

God.

And then it wasn't his fingers that were there, he pulled them out and, you know, put his thing there.  His *cock.*

So I've got them both in me and fucking me and I'm so turned on I can barely think, and Giles suddenly wraps his arm around my neck and tells me to open my eyes.

Oz is standing by the bed, wearing low slung jeans and nothing else, just watching us.  He's cupping himself with his left hand, and rubbing through the denim, real soft, and all I can think is *wow, Oz is right handed but he jerks off with his left hand.*

So he steps up to the bed, and I lean over Xander a little, brace myself on the bed with one hand, and use the other to undo Oz's jeans.  He's not wearing anything underneath, and so I lean forward, and I put, you know, *it*, in my mouth.  Cordelia called it a blow job.  My mom - the one time we had the birds-and-bees conversation - went beet red and called it oral sex.

Whatever.  Anyway, I was licking and sucking, and I could feel Xander in me and Giles in me and Oz in my mouth and it was so amazing, I don't think I've ever been that turned on before, and then -

*Anti*climax.  Ironically enough.  My alarm went off and I woke up hornier than I've ever been before in my life.

Jeez.  Disturbing, much?

And all I can think about now when I see them is how they felt inside of me, and the little sounds they made - Xander has this cute little whimper, just as he's getting ready to lose it, Oz says 'god, oh my god,' over and over in this breathy little voice, and Giles growls.  Yep, *growls*.  Kind of backwards, when you think about it, I guess.

Maybe this is my body's way of telling me it wants some.  I mean, I did, with Angel, but that was only *one* time.

Now, intellectually I know that having sex with another guy is *not* going to result in the same mess as it did with Angel, but somehow it's all gotten messed up in my mind, and every time a guy tries to get close to me, I end up pushing him away.

Maybe I just need to get past that and get some.  Get these images out of my head for good.  Either that or buy a vibrator.

Somehow I have a feeling that the vibrator's going to be by far the easier option.
 
 
 
 

THE END  
 
 
   

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