"Nothing's gonna harm you
Not while I'm around..."
I sat there in the dark, listening to my old Barbra Streisand album, with tears streaming down my cheeks. I bought it in 1985, as soon as it was released, and sang along with it every evening as I held my new-born baby girl in my arms. It seems like only yesterday.
"No one's gonna hurt you
No one's gonna dare..."
My darling daughter, Rose, was now over at her mother's, making final arrangements for her wedding tomorrow. Doesn't the time fly!
Being a father is painful. You watch your daughter being born, and you instantly feel more love for one person than you've ever felt in your life before. You pace the floor at night, gently rocking her to sleep in your arms, singing songs to her that you mean every word of, with all your heart.
"Demons'll charm you with a smile, for a while
But in time, nothing can harm you
Not while I'm around..."
You make huge sacrifices night and day so that she can be given everything she needs. You'd break rocks on a chain gang if it meant she wouldn't have to go without. But the time comes when you must give her up, to some idiot who only met her a year or two ago and who is attracted by her beauty, yet who doesn't really know her. Not like you know her, anyway.
And there's nothing you can do or say to prevent it, because your little girl has now grown up and must seek a life of her own. It's painful, let me tell ya. I walked upstairs and looked at her room. Her suitcases were on the bed, all packed for her honeymoon. Tonight would be her last night at home.
Of course I would still see her from time to time, with her husband no doubt, but it's not the same as watching your little girl grow into the most beautiful woman you've ever seen. It's not the same as the girl you love more than you love your own life, living by your side every day. I sadly crawled into bed. They call it "marriage". It feels more like "death" to me.
I heard the key in the door, then my daughter's high heels coming up the stairs, and her door opening. And then I heard a sound that made me sit bolt upright, and sent electrical tingles up the back of my neck. Crying! My little girl was crying!
I called out "Are you alright darling?"
"Yes, Daddy! I'm alright! Just pre-wedding nerves!"
I said "You're back early!"
She called back "I thought I'd better get an early night, Daddy. It'll be a big day tomorrow."
Her voice seemed strong and confident, so I believed her. Nevertheless, I went to my door. I said "Is there anything your old Dad could help you with?"
"No thanks Daddy! I'm fine. You get some sleep. It'll be a big day for you, too!"
"Okay, honey. If you're sure."
"Yes Daddy. G'night!"
As I drifted off to sleep, I thought over my life with Rose. I don't know why but I began to feel a deep comfort come over me, a feeling that everything would be alright.
"Daddy, are you awake?"
"Mn? Mef wynfn? What?" I said, trying to get the pillow out of my mouth.
It was morning. My daughter had brought in two cups of coffee. When my eyes were able to focus, I could see that she had been up all night. The only times I had ever seen that look around her eyes were on rare occasions when she had been up all night.
I said "What's wrong honey? You've been sitting up all night. And last night you were crying."
She said "Yes, Dad. I need to talk to you about something. It's very important."
I said "Sure, go ahead."
We sipped our coffee as she explained. "I've been thinking, Dad. I've been sitting up on my bed, staring out at the stars, thinking of all the happiest times in my life."
Remember the time I started scraping the paint off the house, just to see it peel, and you came along and I thought you would get mad, but instead you helped me peel it off?
"Ah yes, that was a good time, wasn't it!"
"Yes. And you remember how we used to go fishing together down at the old waterhole?"
"And the time I accidentally broke Mum's precious antique pendant, and Mum was furious, and you stood up for me, saying Rose is worth far more than ten thousand of those things, so don't you make her feel bad?"
"Oh yes, I'd forgotten that!"
"Dad, last night I searched through my memories of all the happiest times in my life..."
"And Dad, you were a part of all of them."
"Wow! Daughter, you just brought an old man from the depths of grief to the heights of happiness. I could even be happy about giving you away today, now."
"Okay, now I'm going to remind you of other things, things that might embarrass you, but I don't want you to stop me, okay?"
My smile dropped. I wasn't sure what she was going to say, but it didn't sound good.
"Dad, remember the time when I got into the bath with you and played with your penis?"
I opened my mouth to speak and she shot me a look that said "Don't interrupt!"
"And the time we ran along the beach in the nude?"
I silently nodded.
"And the time you were giving me a hug from behind and I moved your hands to my breasts? And the times I took off my pajamas and got into bed with you? And the times you got an erection when I hugged you, and I put my hand on it?"
"Honey where are you going with all this?"
"We were always very intimate, weren't we? And sometimes we even came close to having sex together, didn't we?"
"Thank God we didn't. I can't see what purpose..."
"Dad those were the happiest times of all, for me."
"Yes... for me too, honey! But what good..."
"Shut up, Dad, and listen. I'm trying to tell you something. I've been thinking about this guy I'm marrying..."
"I'm just not absolutely certain that he could make me as happy as the happiness I've known in the past."
"Wow, really? This is important."
"And there's something I need to do, to find out, once and for all, before I get married."
"Er....what's that, Rose?"
"Dad, this may come as a bit of a shock to you. I know you're going to like what I say, but hearing me say it will shock you anyway. Ready?"
"I want you to have sex with me, Dad."
My mouth dropped open. I couldn't speak.
"Oh Dad, don't be so shocked! All my life we've been so intimate with each other, we've always been close to having it, and sometimes we almost had it. And I need to know whether I really belong to this guy, or whether the feelings between you and me are stronger. I suspect they are."
"S-sorry honey! It took me by surprise, you know, when you just came out with it like that."
"I just need to know, Dad. I need to know what sex between us is like. Please!"
"You know you want to!"
"Of course, but...uh..."
"Look, Dad! Ever since I knew about sex, I've wondered what it would be like with you. Sometimes I've felt myself yearning for you. And it's been obvious that you wanted it with me too. But neither of us thought it was the right thing to do, so we never went that far."
"And now you've changed your mind?"
"Now the situation is urgent. I'm about to get married today. And I don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering what making love would have been like with you. If we just do it once, no-one will ever know, and I can spend the rest of my life happy, knowing for certain that I married the right guy, okay?"
"God I'm feeling so sexy!" I said.
"Good! So you should be. Your teenage daughter is about to have sex with you on her wedding day. And that will make it the most memorable day of her life. C'mon, haven't you got your pajamas off yet? Here, let me help you."
Rose took off her own nightie and quickly went to my buttons, opening each one easily, one after the other. Then she pushed me over on my back, loosened my pants and pulled them right down.
Then my darling daughter climbed over me, and sat on my penis, pushing it into her warm, wet, vagina. It was an amazing feeling. Why, oh why had I left it until now? The certainty that this was right for us made all of my past inhibitions look ridiculous.
She glided up and down, the slippery friction sending waves of pleasure through my being. I was alive with desire and love for my daughter. I had wasted years of precious time, not fucking her years ago. She sensed I was close to coming, and I could tell that she was too. She paused.
Then she rolled over onto her back, looking at me. She said "Climb on top of me, Daddy!"
I kneeled between her knees, and she guided me towards her vagina. I entered her again, feeling absolute bliss. I thought "At last, darling! We never went this far before, but we're doing it now. You are my world, you give my life meaning, we belong together, now and forever."
A thought passed through my mind, that seemed to be in her voice saying "You are my father, my guide, my partner, and my true love. We will always be together. My life is beautiful because of you."
The urgency of our lovemaking grew stronger. My thrusts downwards became more and more vigorous. Her pelvic movements, tilting upwards to receive each thrust, grew passionate, thrusting up towards me in perfect rhythm together, becoming more and more urgent.
How I loved her! Then her voice wrapped me in its majestic high-pitched femininity, calling out in ecstatic cries of wordless love beyond compare. Her vagina began to contract, the vibrations running down my penis again and again filling me with an urgent tension that has only one way to release.
The sperm burst forth from me with a surge, then overwhelming waves of oneness, and powerful love, father and daughter, father and daughter, father giving, daughter receiving, father giving, daughter, receiving, throbbing, throbbing, pulsating, opening, thrusting, slowing, easing, letting go, letting go, easing, quiet.
We lay in each other's arms, resplendent in the afterglow that only lovers know. She looked up at me with a serious smile. She whispered "I love you". Then she got up and walked to the phone, my sperm beginning to drip down her legs. She rang a number and said into the phone "Hello Mum? It's me. The wedding's off."
I turned to listen. "No I'm not upset. Well, just send them home then. No, I'm fine. There's been something in the back of my mind for a long time now, and I've finally figured out what it is. Sure, give them all their presents back. I'm sorry Mum, I didn't mean to leave it...No, Mum I could not possibly marry that man!
Yes, of course I'm certain. No, I'm not mad at him, I just realised he's not the one for me. Lunch, where? Okay, we'll talk about it then? What? Yes, Mum, I'm absolutely certain. No, Mum I won't change my mind! No.
Oh really? Well, give him a big hug from me, then. Oh, no, Mum, it's still the most important day of my life, but for other reasons. Okay, we'll sort it out then. Okay bye. Bye.
My daughter still went on her honeymoon, but with me. When we got back we moved to another state. Her Mum, my ex-wife, comes to visit, but there's always plenty of warning, and we have a spare bedroom which makes it look like our daughter sleeps separately from me.
I'm still sorry I left it so late, we should have got together when her Mum moved out, if not before. But as they say, it's better late than never.
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