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Characters of the Year
Jody Skyler from NIS: Pieces of Sam
Lise Speer von Manstein
Dr. Evelyn Swan - VBE
How to become a Character of the Year
Copyright 2011 Rachael Ross all rights reserved
Everybody Loves Rachael
A Mostly True Story*
"Three wishes, huh?"
"That's right," the woman said.
She looked sort of like Paris Hilton, except she wasn't drunk and her legs were made out of purple smoke. I wondered if I was drunk, but I'd been browsing old man Nelson's garage sale, not his liquor cabinet. I didn't like drinking anyway, but that weird wine bottle had looked sort of cool, so I'd bought it for a quarter.
Imagine my surprise when a genie popped out.
"Are you gonna like screw them up?" I wondered, because I knew all about genies.
I'd seen the old Twilight Zone where the guy turns into Hitler. And that X-Files episode with the invisible naked kid who gets run over by a truck. Mulder set the genie free at the end of that one, just like in the Disney movie. There was no way I'd ever waste a wish on something like that! But don't think I'm selfish or some kind of evil person, I'm not. I'm just saying I wouldn't set a genie free when I could get something really cool instead.
"Okay," I decided. "First off, I wish I had a purse, a nice one, not too big and not too small, but just right, and it has to be black, because that goes with just about anything, and it never runs out of money, like legal tender, you know, and hundred dollar bills, not anything stupid like one dollar bills, otherwise it'll take a week just to buy a decent Ferrari, and make sure I don't get in trouble for it."
"You mean this purse?" the genie asked, smiling as she held up a black Hermes handbag made out of something ridiculous like...
"Mink?" I narrowed my eyes. "I was thinking leather."
"Well, if you don't want it..."
"I want it," I said, snatching the purse out of hand. "It's awesome!"
She watched as I opened it up and reached inside to find a crisp hundred dollar bill. I put it in my mouth, biting Ben Franklin's head, and stuck my hand inside again. Another one! I compared serial numbers and they weren't the same. Heck, they weren't even close, but they sure looked real.
"I can spend this, right?" I asked. "Like I'm not gonna get accused of robbing a bank or something, am I?"
"You won't ever get in trouble for having too much money," the genie assured me, but I had to think about that for a second.
"Okay," I nodded. "Good, um...My second wish, let's see...Okay, I wish I looked beautiful, like uber-hot, ridiculously gorgeous, except still me, so don't turn me into some other chick, just make me obscenely attractive, like if God was a fifteen-year-old girl, She'd want to look half as good as I do, and make it permanent, too, so I'm not ever going to be ugly, even if I'm really old. Understand?"
"Hmmm...That sounds suspiciously like two wishes to me," the genie said. "You want to be beautiful and you want to live forever?"
"No!" I frowned at her. "Pay attention, I want to be amazingly permanently hyper-hot like a supermodel only a thousand times better and I want to stay that way until I die of old age ninety years from now or whatever. See? Simple, right?"
"Ohhh...So you want to be a kid all your life."
"Hey! I'm fifteen," I reminded her. "And make me the sexiest most beautiful gorgeously attractive completely totally fuckable fifteen-year-old girl that there's ever been or ever will be, Amen!"
"Fuckable?" The genie giggled. "I can do that."
"Did you do it?" I wondered. "Whoa...I've got tits! God! They're sweet! Check it out and my hips and my legs...Look at my legs! How does my ass look? Is it perfect? I wish I could see my face...Where did my braces go? Oh, jeeze. my pussy feels weird. What did you do to me? It's kinda...Empty! I wish you had a cock. Fuck! I need some dick. I wish some hunky guy would come along and...Oh! You almost got me!"
"Almost," she agreed, offering me an apologetic shrug.
I didn't know what my face looked like yet, but if it was half as good as my body...Wow! I sort of wanted to rip my clothes off and check myself out, you know? I couldn't wait to fuck somebody. Anybody. Jesus! My pussy felt like a furnace. My clitoris throbbed and my nipples burned so hot they felt cold. I had to grab my tits and squeeze them through my sweater and bra. They were the perfect size for my hands. Firm, upturned, teenage tits, neither large nor small, but just right, Baby Bear!
"My last wish," I sighed. "Okay, I wish everyone loved me. No matter what I say or what I do, everyone on the planet thinks I'm super cool and they just...love me. Alright?"
"I love you," the genie sighed, fixing me with her golden eyes. "We should be together forever, Darling. I could make you so happy, you'll see. Do you want me to lick your feet?"
"Huh?" I blinked at her. "Back off, bitch! I'm not queer!"
"You just haven't met the right woman," she sighed, pulling me into her smoky arms and then into the bottle!
It took a long time, but eventually I fell in love with her, too. I just wished someone would set her free so I could get out of that stupid bottle, you know? But that only happens in the movies.
* I was fifteen once.