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Aside from the venerated quadrennial Olympic games themselves, there are several international rowing championships on several continents that are considered "can't miss" yearly events for any serious rowing club with private, university (student) or school-boy (pupil) level competitors. But of those, the Henley Royal Regatta in Great Britain must surely be considered at the top of the heap.
There are dozens of British colleges that field excellent first Eights (VIII) that seems to receive a perennial invitation to that first week of each July event at Henley-on-Thames, St. Peters School was but one of many invited that year. As was customary of all first VIII crew, the St. Peters first VIII featured its finest school top eight oarsmen along with their coxswain (pronounced "cox-in"), for a total of nine young men manning their sleek and new German made Empacher (pronounced, "em-packer") rowing shell, named "Sir Henry Sheffield."
Sir Henry, an impassioned and championship St. Peters rower far back in his time was the grandfather to St. Peters' current Head Master, Kenneth Sheffield ,who in his time as a pupil at St. Peter's had been an avid rower himself, a member of the first VIII, albeit not as a member of the nine. Rather, then pupil Kenneth Sheffield was one of the first VIII "spare pair."
The "spare pair" is a universally recognized rowing phrase that designates the two oarsmen who are the extra two oarsmen that would act as stand-ins should any of a first VIII crew be injured and unable to row on any particular day or race. Though the spare pair must train in exactly the same manner as their eight colleagues, seldom should they ever expect to actually race in a first VIII event as important as Henley.
Recognizing the hard and usually unrequited work that spare pairs accomplish around the globe on behalf of their crews, early on in rowing history, most major rowing event handlers including Henley Royal Regatta officials decided that they would sponsor a special race the day before the actual Regatta begins, called simply the spare pair race, a two man or pairs sweep (one oar per rower) rowing event of 1500 meters in length.
At Henley, any spare pair of oarsmen from any first VIII team already entered at Henley for the championships who wished, could enter the race from any level, no matter if junior (pupil if British, or prep school student if American) or student (university, whether British or American). Hence, it was not uncommon for a less experienced school-boy pair to be matched up against a university level pair of more experienced rowers. Quite frankly, the event was not about winning, but about the spirit of competition and for a chance at a bit of personal glory and satisfaction having done so at such a famous venue.
Of anyone at Henley from St. Peters that year that enjoyed every single crew race no matter the importance, it was Head Master Kenneth Sheffield. Yes, it was his family that had donated that year's quite expensive German made Empacher shell for the use of the first VIII, naming it after grandfather Sheffield and yes, he would be very keen to have his school's first VIII win the Princess Elizabeth Challenge Cup that year, what Head Master would not? But even that was not his favorite race of the week.
Head Master's favorite race was always the spare pair race the day before Henley starts the actual Regatta proper. While he had been a pupil at St. Peters and a spare pair oarsman for the first VIII in his day; then pupil Kenneth Sheffield had himself raced in the spare pair race the day before the Regatta and had never forgotten the thrill. On that bright sunny day at Henley long ago, young Kenneth and his partner, Jack Bolton, actually made the finals of that year's spare pair race that day, but were to be matched up against the spare pair oarsmen from the vaunted Princeton University lightweights from the U.S.A.
Frankly, before the finals even started, Kenneth and Jack knew they had little chance of tracking down those older university men. Nonetheless, they vowed to race their hearts out that day, and did. The Princeton men never let up one moment of effort and by the 1000 meter mark, were barely a nose of the bow ahead of the younger lads; but in the end, the less experienced boys were pretty well done in for the last 500 meters and lost to the older men by a good two full boats lengths.
Afterwards, the Princeton men not only heartily congratulated Kenneth and Jack on a superior effort and hard challenged race, but insisted on exchanging zephyrs (the rower's traditional racing jersey sporting school and level colors) and posing for photos, the four of them together. After that superior show of warm sportsmanship, Head Master had not only carefully kept his Princeton zephyr as a prized school-boy possession, but secretly rooted for the Princeton lightweights at Henley whenever he could.
So what of St. Peters' first VIII spare pair this present year, Marlon Davis and Paul Remington? Henley's was a sea of new young faces and especially for Marlon and Paul, pretty young ladies from both close and far away exotic places. They were not very likely to be called upon to replace any of their mates in the first eight, so that their first and last race as pupils at St. Peters would be the spare pair race on Tuesday, the day before the real Regatta began that week.
Not really paying that much attention to whom the pair would match up against in the knock-down style qualifiers (single elimination for knowledgeable Americans) , Marlon and Paul suddenly realized that they were being admired from not that far away by two very hot looking young ladies of similar age as they stood just outside of the boating tent. Keen on making even more contact with these girls, the two boys strutted towards the ladies in their sleek spandex racing uniforms that spared little to the imagination in terms of hard-earned muscle development and naturally acquired front sided pride.
Nancy and Helen not only visually ogled and admired both boys from afar, they each whispered nearly pornographic interest in what they admired into the boys' ears when the foursome started to chat together. So, would Marlon and Paul be interested in a little private snog each in a small flat very close nearby to the racing venue?
"Well, we have a race in due time, we can't," Paul wisely answered.
"Please, can't we do it after the qualifier?" Marlon nearly begged.
"Oh sorry, we can't after, we're bound to be gone!" Helen smiled with such a leer at each boy's not so slowly expanding packages that all sense of time was thereafter lost.
The boys scurried like first year pupils after a swat on their behinds, following the girls past the boat tent, out of the venue and to the other side of the road to the flat. It seemed possible to "score" with the girls, and then make it back in time for the qualifying race.
Head Master Sheffield was settled back into his Thames riverside viewing seat alongside his wife Jennifer. They were holding hands and awaiting the start of the qualifying heat of the spare pairs qualifying race between his beloved St. Peters spare pair crew and those from long time rival Manchester College. Kenneth and Jennifer had met at university the autumn term just those few summer months after Kenneth's spare pair finals run against the Princeton men and falling in love, married two years later.
The sun bore down on them, but a bonnet for Jennifer and a boating hat for Kenneth spared them anything but a wonderful day of spectating the strong and ready youths venturing out on the Thames racing course that morning. As he always did, Kenneth would fondly reminisce both in his mind and aloud to Jennifer the events at Henley so long ago at that was still so dear to his heart, then silenced himself as the race between St. Peters and the Manchester college spare pair was at hand.
Then, a disaster. Henley racing officials came onto the loud speakers about them, "The qualifying race between St. Peters and Manchester colleges is declared a winner for Manchester, the pair from St. Peters has failed to show!"
Kenneth bolted to his feet! "What on earth?!" and being the good and trusting sportsman that he was, assumed that something dreadful had happened to that year's precious spare pair oarsmen, Davis and Remington, who occupied that special place in his rowing heart and practically ran to the boating tent. But what greeted him there was far from anything dreadful, well, maybe in the boys' eyes. There stood Paul and Marlon, faces blushed with embarrassment and already surrounded by the entire first VIII nine which included the St. Peters Captain of Boats, John Young, all of them scowling disapprovingly at both misbehaved spare oarsmen. Up bounded the Head Master, "What happened!?"
John huffed to Paul and Marlon, "Tell Head Master!"
Looking all the while like first year boys about to get thrashings each, Paul spoke first, "We were … err … detained Sir."
"Detained? What do mean detained?" Head Master said, not jumping to any conclusions, but already a bit suspicious.
Paul looked forlornly at Marlon who winced, "Girls sir, we were with girls."
"Girls? What do you mean by … on my God, don't tell me!?" Head Master said, hands on his hips and a stern, but knowing look on his face.
"A snog Head Master. They offered us a snog and wouldn't wait till after the qualifier. We thought we had time!" Paul said miserably.
A crowd had gathered around them, but curiously, mostly from the Manchester School side and now included the mischievous girls, Helen and Nancy.
Head Master's head fell back a moment, then he shook his head side to side. His precious spare pair race was dashed! All he could do now was look at the very embarrassed pair. What should he say? Or do? Kenneth then sighed. He had been a boy after girls himself in his day. It was a natural thing after all and by the looks of it, the first VIII were probably going to have a private little discipline session of their own for the pairs' letting the team down. So why not have a little fun with it,
"Fine, girls. So, what was your snog scores then?" Kenneth asked. Everyone looked shocked, but especially Paul and Marlon.
"Scores sir?!" Paul asked incredulous and quite alarmed!
"Yes, you heard me. What, you think I don't keep up with the Urban Dictionary's definition of every odd slang word I hear come from your modern mouths back at school? What was your snogging scale? Your score! I know you have one each!"
The boys were all deeply impressed. Head Master Sheffield was indeed a rather young Head Master and known for keeping up with contemporary boys' issues and all, but this?
John Young grinned, albeit a bit sardonically, "Go ahead, tell us and don't lie! We'll know if you're lying!"
Paul and Marlon saw that Helen and Nancy stood nearby. It was impossible to lie now. Paul gulped, "Three and half or so, I guess … Sir."
"Almost a four, Sir, "Marlon said and suddenly Nancy and Helen started to point and laugh in the midst of the entire Manchester first VIII crew including the winner-by-default Manchester college spare pair lads. Wasn't it obvious? Nancy and Helen were female pupils at the co-ed Manchester college and had pulled off the stunt, just for the fun of seeing if they could!
The laughter quieted and Head Master shook his head, "Nearly a four? Three and a half or so? Pathetic, just pathetic. I would have at least hoped for a full honest four or at least a try at a five from older St. Peters lads as yourselves. Just what is this generation coming to anyway?"
The roof caved in and Paul and Marlon had to listen in a state of abject sheepish chagrin as the most raucous laughter poured in on them from all around, both schools absolutely in stomach cramps over the Head Master's commentary. When the laughter subsided, Jack Young looked at Head Master,
"What should we do with them sir? We're all keen for the girls, Sir, but this was a clear violation of team policy, they must be punished!"
"Indeed yes, well, I'm sorry boys, but Young is correct. Accordingly, I'd like to invite both school crews and the two young ladies who managed to distract our boys back into the boat tent and we'll take care of this right away!"
A great cheer went up as Marlon's and Paul's faces blushed and fell, now realizing that they were to be punished in front of a great crowd of onlookers that included Helen and Nancy and everyone followed into the boat tent and gathered around Paul's and Marlon's small pairs shell.
"Mr. Davis, you will remove your rowing slippers (shoes) and hand me one. Then you will both slip down your singlets and bare your backsides, bend over your UN-used rowing shell and present yourselves for a sound slippering!"
All the boys in the tent on both crew blushed and murmured and the girls giggled and whispered to each other as the two handsome rowers bared their muscular well toned backsides to them all, bending far over the inverted shell on its stanchion. Head Master Sheffield then stepped to Paul's side and began an outstanding and vigorous demonstration of slippering prowess, popping poor Paul's naked cheeks at a rapid pace, provoking both fast rubor and clenched teeth on the receiver's face. Many of the boys in the tent winced in empathy and rubbed over their own strong backsides as the girls grinned with delight at the sights.
Then, after Marlon took his turn, Head Master Sheffield bade the boys to regain their modesties and then turned and admonished the balance of his gathered VIII crew,
"There shall be no further shenanigans from my boys for any reason. The next boy who errs shall find himself back in my study at school, a cane whistling 'on the feather' across his bare bottom until it reaches the flag!"
A great roar of appreciative laughter and applause erupted. Head Master grinned with good humor as well and then motioned the girls, Nancy and Helen, over to himself. He whispered in both their ears and they squealed with delight, heartily nodding their agreements.
"Everyone but the girls, Davis and Remington, out of the tent please!"
As the tent quickly emptied, Head Master followed the crowd out and then turned his head back at the last moment. It would appear that his "suggestion" to the girls that they may wish to reward the randy spare pair of oarsmen with snogging scores more than five, but less than seven, was being taken very seriously indeed!
The Urban Dictionary Snogging Scale:
.5 Sticky Eyes
1 Holding Hands
2 Arm Around
3 Goodnight Kiss
4 Kiss lasting over 3 mins. w/out a breath
5 Open Mouth Kissing
6 Tongues
6.5 Ear Snogging
6.75 Neck Nuzzling
7 Upper body fondling: outdoors
8 Upper body fondling: indoors (in bed)
9 Below Waist Activity (b.w.a.)
10 The Full Monty!!
© Copyright PJ Franklin August 10, 2009
Your comments are appreciated. pjfranklinboy2@earthlink.net
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Main Story PageLast updated: August 10, 2009