Where do I take this pain of mine?I run but it stays right by my side...So tear me open, pour me outThere's things inside that scream and shoutAnd the pain still hates me---So hold me, until it sleeps.
I'm losing it.
Losing control. Losing myself.
Jeffrey Myers stood at the window of his penthouse suite, staring at the dark tableau of the Jacksonville skyline at night, the soft patter of rain and the occasional strike of thunder and lightning, only adding to the dark mood. The fact of where he was and how he had gotten there wasn't lost on him. Little over two years ago, he would have been far down below, huddled up in some old clothes, sleeping in a cardboard box, just trying to keep the rain off him. He'd come far in the past two years, thanks to that incident, that one moment in time, when his life had changed both for the better and the worst.
This... all of this, came about because of that day. I'd always said I'd give it up in an instant if it would have brought my pals back. But now... now, I don't know. I've changed, inside. I was never like this before. All I wanted was to be left alone, to just live and let live. But now...
Jeffrey drained the glass of wine from his glass... then growling in anger, threw it HARD into the wall, shattering the fine crystal glass into fragments. Immediately, Jessica, clad in her French maid's uniform, ran to the wall, and began cleaning up the shattered glass. She worked quietly, tirelessly, carefully picking up every shard of glass, lest her Master forget and step on a piece later and injure himself.
The sight of her, made Jeffery cringe inside.
I did that to her. I fucked with her mind, and made her into my servant, my slave. I made her into my property. (SIGH) Sure, she is good in bed, and she lives better as my slave than she would have as a bikini model. I care for her, I clothe and feed her, I see to her every possible want and need... and all I ask for in return is her free will.
Is that a fair trade? Would I have done that if given the choice, when I was back on the streets?
"Jesse," he said softly, turning to face his maid. Jessica froze, dropping the refuse into the nearby can and crawling over to Jeffrey, knelt before him, at his feet.
"You summoned me, my Master?" she asked softly, head down.
"Jessica, look at me for a moment." When her head did not raise up to fully meet his gaze, he placed a hand under her chin. "Look at me," he repeated, as she tried desperately to avert her eyes. Finally, after a moment, she looked straight at him.
"I want to ask you something." Jeffrey took a deep breath before continuing. "The past few months, since you've been here with me.... have you been happy?"
Jessica averted her eyes again. "Of course, my Master," she said softly, "you take very good care of me. You treat me well, not harshly. I am well fed, and given anything I ask for... except..." She stopped, covering her mouth, and turned her face away.
"Except?" Jeffrey prompted. "Except what, Jessica? What have I neglected?"
"It... it is nothing Master. Forgive me." She turned, to move back to her cleaning, when Jeffrey clamped a hand down on her shoulder.
"Jessica," he said softly, "I asked you a question. If there is something you need, something I cam give you to truly make you happy here, then tell me!" Jessica bit her lip, as if fighting to keep it in. Jeffery sighed softly. "Okay. As your Master, I COMMAND you to speak the truth. What was it you were about to say? What is it that I have not given you, that you want?"
"My freedom!" she blurted out, startling Jeffrey. "My freedom," she repeated, in a softer voice. "I'm sorry Master. It's... I don't know. You've given me so much, shown me such kindness, and yet... yet I know deep down inside what you did to me. I remember what my life was like before... who I was before. You've taken away my will, forced my submission... but I still know and remember my past. Sometimes... sometimes its hard... and sometimes... I... just want..."
"To be free again," Jeffrey murmured softly, walking back to face the window again. It was pretty much as he'd guessed. His guilt had been warring with his desire for dominance for several weeks now, but hearing the words from her own lips forced him to face the truth. He had taken something from her, something very precious. As much as a part of him relished it, enjoyed and exulted in the feeling he got from commanding her, from having her submit to his will on a daily basis, a stronger part of him, the morally-correct part, chaffed incessantly.
This is different that what I did to my step-mother, Vanessa, and what I did to those guys on the beach. They deserved to have their lives ruined. Jessica... Jesse was just an innocent... a girl I felt attracted to. I saw her, wanted her, and took her. What the hell was I thinking? What am I becoming?
"Master?" Jessica said, timidly, still kneeling. He turned to face her again. "Please. I'm sorry if my words troubled you. You've been very good to me, really! I am thankful just to be allowed to serve you, to give you pleasure in any way you desire... and to allowed to receive your pleasure in return." She said this last with a deep blush, her nipples hardening at the mere thought of her Master's pleasure.
Jeffrey found himself responding as well, the memory of last nights activities fresh on his mind. With an effort, he shook the image from his mind and took Jessica by the hand, and brought her over to the couch. "Jess," he said with regret, "I don't blame you for what you spoke. If anyone should apologize, it's me." He sighed deeply. "It's like that old saying about power. 'Power corrupts, and absolute power, absolutely. I used my power to get back at your friends, to teach them a lesson for the way they treated me, and in the process, I corrupted myself."
"I let it go to my head... and when you turned me down, I got upset. You didn't want to be with me, so I just reached out... and took you." He placed a hand gently to her face and caressed it, lovingly. "I'm just sorry it took me so long to realize how wrong it was to do that. I know I can't make up for it... but as a start, I'll grant you what you have been missing all this time. Your freedom."
Jessica gasped loudly, as she felt something inside her mind TWIST brutally, sending shudders racing through her body. Her eyes closed tightly. One of the cogs in the tightly wound machine that was her slave mind, slipped... slipped again... and then, suddenly, the entire ensemble ground to a halt. Jessica slowly opened her eyes, and shook her head to clear it... and looked up with total clarity at the man before her.
He stood there, saying nothing, just waiting. He wondered idly whether she'd scream, or hit him, whether she'd cry and get hysterical, or whether she'd simply collapse, unable to stand the shock of what happened. Indeed, Jessica stared at him, wide-eyed, for several long minutes, not saying a word, just looking at him with a mixture of shock, anger, fear, humiliation, and something else. She licked dry lips for a moment, as if about to speak, but her mouth refused to work for a while longer. Just when he had though she would never speak, Jessica managed one word.
"Excuse me?" Jeffrey asked, caught off guard. "Well? Well what?"
"Well," she said slowly, getting to her feet. "What now? What happens now? To you. To me. What do you intend to do with me now?"
"Uh, um," he stammered, taken aback. "Well, whatever you want to happen next, Jesse. If you want me to take you home, I will. I'll give you whatever you want to make up for the past five months. Anything. Just name it."
Jessica sighs softly. "There's nothing you could do to make it better. I have no one, no family to contact. After all this time, I'm pretty sure the Bikini Team has gotten someone else to fill my spot. And... and what would I tell everyone if they asked where I was all this time?" She shook her head. "No. I have nowhere to go, and no one to be with. Five months of my life? What can make up for lost time?"
Fuck, Jeffrey thought to himself. I hadn't considered what to do once I'd freed her. Shit! What now?
When Jeffrey didn't answer, Jessica walked over to the window, and glanced out at the storm outside. "You know," she said softly, so softly that Jeffrey wouldn't have heard her had he not been so intent upon her, "it wasn't so bad... being with you, I mean."
Jeffrey walked over to Jessica and placed a hand around her shoulders. "I mean, you treated me well. You could have done anything you wanted to me. You had me completely in your power... yet you treated me as a lover, not just some nameless slut." She finally turned and faced him. "Jeffrey, I... I can't say that I love you... it's too soon to know that. But, well, I'd like to stay with you." She smirked at the surprise on his face. "Not as your slave," she added, "but as an equal, as your girlfriend."
"Um, uh," Jeffrey sputtered, then finally nodded his head. "Uhm, I have no objections to that," he said weakly, smiling. Jessica giggled.
The next few weeks were happy ones for Jeffery and Jessica. Jeffrey showed her the world, taking her to all sorts of exotic locations. They would shop in Italy, and then zoom off to have lunch in France. Jessica felt as if she were a princess from a fairy tale.
The time was special for Jeffrey as well. That dark bubbling desire he had felt growing steadily in him since first obtaining his power had subsided. He had a home now, and money. He had cars, and boats, a private plane, and more wealth that he could possibly spend. Most of all, he had someone to share it with, someone who, despite their somewhat rocky start, was willing to look past his faults and see the man he was inside. Jessica's growing affection for him, more than anything else, gave him a sense of completeness.
What need did he have to use his power on others, to get what he wanted? He already had everything he could ever want.
Such were his thoughts as he walked, with Jessica at his side, down an small alleyway, towards his car. They had taken in a late movie together, a recent premiere, and were both in high spirits, laughing and talking about the feature. He paused after a moment, causing Jessica to stop and turn, in alarm.
"Jeffrey? What is it? What's wrong?" she asked worriedly.
Jeffrey merely smiled. "Nothing. Nothing at all, Jess," he said, walking up to her, and kissing her deeply on the lips, feeling her body melt into his own. "I just realized how much I love you, that's all."
Jessica gasped softly, the comment taking her completely out of the blue. Her eyes misted slightly, and she places a soft slender hand lightly against his cheek.
Unfortunately, any comment she might have made was cut off by the loud raucous shouts made by five rough looking boys, wearing cut-off denim jackets, some wearing bandanas, all with piercings and tattoos. Jeffrey narrowed his eyes, placing a protective arm around Jessica. One look and he knew they were the Vienna Boy's Choir asking for a donation.
"Hey, hey, hey, what do we have here, boys?" a young bandana-wearing man asked, the leader of the group. "Two little lovebirds out for a midnight stroll? Hey boys, ain't that the sweetest thing you ever saw?"
A round of snickering laughter, devoid of any humor, was their reply, as they made their way forward, surrounding the pair on all sides. "We don't want any trouble," Jeffery said, more concerned about Jessica's safety than his own. The dark wellspring inside him began to pulse slightly, like an itchy trigger finger, wanting to strike.
"Looks like trouble found you, homes," another of the boys said, brandishing a slender metal pipe. "You see, this is the Rattlesnake's territory, and no one crosses through our territory without our permission, or without paying us a tribute."
"Jeffrey, please," Jessica said, frightened, clutching his arm, "just give him your wallet, and maybe they'll let us go."
Again, that inner demon inside him rebelled, demanding to be loosed from his cage. What? Simply give these creeps what they want? Give them my money? Hell no! I was living on these same streets myself not to long ago! These guys are nothing more than a bunch of punks, out to cause trouble. Give them my wallet? Hell no!
"Alright!" Jeffrey said, half-growling, as he took out his wallet and tossed it. "There! There's your tribute. A little over a thousand dollars, plus my credit cards. Now, just let us pass."
He took a step forward, only to receive a sharp blow to the back of his neck from the pipe-carrying thug. The boys let out another round of laughter and Jeffrey groaned, and dropped to his knees on the pavement, stunned.
"Jeffrey!" Jessica cried, reaching down for her lover, only to find herself being restrained by two of the thugs. "Let me go! Let me go! We gave you what you wanted!"
"Not quite, baby," the leader said, running a rough, calloused hand across Jessica's beautiful face, making her pull away in anger. "The money was a nice gift, but for the tribute, I think we'll all have a turn fucking you." He reached down, feeling her up despite her desperate struggles. "If you're really good, we might give you and your rich little preppy boyfriend here permission to pass."
"You get your fucking hands off her. NOW!!" Jeffery bellowed, lunging to his feet. He'd had more than enough of this, and without thought, released that dark essence within him, giving his power free reign. One of the boys made the mistake of grabbing for one of Jeffrey's arms. Jeffrey turned on him, gripping his mind in a pincer of pain, sending the startled man to his knees, screaming in pain.
That got the attention of the others. "What the fuck?" the leader said, jerking around. One of the boys held tight to Jessica, and the others converged on Jeffrey, weapons at the ready.
But Jeffrey was prepared. With a simple TWIST, he stepped around the men, moving over to Jessica and her captor, as the rest of the gang members began fighting amongst themselves, stabbing and bashing each other, convinced they were each fighting Jeffrey. The remaining thug, staring wide-eyed at the debacle happening a few feet away, backed off, hands out. "Hey, man," he said, hesitantly, "I don't want none of what you got, alright? Just pick up your wallet and your girl and leave, okay?" Jeffrey merely smiled, and continued walking toward him. "Hey, man, back off!" he yelled, taking out a switchblade. "I said, I don't want any trouble!"
"That's funny," Jeffrey said, as he began 'twisting' and distorting the boy's perceptions, causing a glazed look to flow over his eyes, "that's just what I said. But as you told me, trouble has found YOU, homes."
The police arrived shortly thereafter, called by a passerby, who had heard Jessica's scream. The entire scene was a bizarre one. Five known gang members, beaten to a bloody pulp by each other, in a botched mugging attempt. The fifth one had to literally be restrained, to keep him from carving satanic symbols into his raw bloody chest. With the situation now in hand, Jessica managed a slight smile, and hugged Jeffrey tight.
"Well, it was kind of scary there for a moment," she said softly, for only him to hear, "but deep down, I knew it would be okay. I knew you would take care of me, Jeff."
Jeffrey nodded softly, clutching Jessica to his chest. His temples were pounding, and his heart still raced. That feeling inside him, that lust for control, for dominance, was alive and making its presence known. He'd loosed it to save them, to protect them both from harm, but the more he twisted and distorted those boys' minds, the more he enjoyed it. The more he liked it. Looking down at the girl in his arms, Jeffrey was struck with the thought of how easy it would be to again enslave her to his will, to do a few small, simple 'twists' to her mind... not enough for her to notice, or even be aware of, but enough to slowly bring her back under his total control.
No. NO! I won't. I WON'T do that! Damn, but this thing is addictive... almost as much of a drug itself as that shit those guys gave me that created this power in the first place. But... I love Jessica. I won't hurt her by taking away her free will... not again. You don't purposely hurt someone if you truly love them.
"Jeffrey, what is it?" Jessica asked, peering into his eyes. "I know you too well. You're fausching over something aren't you?" Jeffrey smirked. He knew he couldn't hide anything from her. "Come on. Tell me what is it, Jeff. Please?"
Instead, Jeffrey hugged her even tighter, kissing her deeply. "Just hold me, Jess," he murmured softly in her ear. "Until this thing... this dark need inside me passes. Just hold me, Jessica, until it subsides. Until it sleeps."
Jessica, confused, did that, holding her lover, comforting him as best she could, until his grip on her lessened, and his racing heart slowed. A smile spread across her face then, taking her by surprise. He needs me, she suddenly realized. With all his money, with all his power, he needs ME. Tears threatened to well up in her eyes, but with an effort she fought them back down.
The police were loading the gang members into the back of a police van, cuffing them all to each other. The one in charge, a lieutenant, tapped Jeffrey on the shoulder. "If its not too much trouble, Mr. Myers, I'd ask you and your lady to come downtown with us and give me a statement. We've been trying to get something on these boys for quite a while. If you would be willing to testify, I'm sure we can make sure they all serve some hard time."
Jeffrey nodded, releasing his grip on Jessica, and shook the man's hand. "Of course," he replied. "It'll be a pleasure to see these punks put behind bars."
Suddenly, one of the 'punks' shoved a policeman, hard, grabbing the gun from his holster. "You son of a bitch!" he snarled, aiming for Jeffrey. Several officers moved to intercept the partially cuffed thug, reaching for their own revolvers. Jessica gasped, as she saw, clearly, that no one would be able to stop him in time. Without a single thought to her own safely, she pushed forward, grabbing Jeffrey, trying to pull him out of the way, just as the punk fired.
One of the officers returned fire, hitting the young man in the shoulder, causing him to drop the gun, and cradle his shoulder in pain. The rest of the men rushed him, throwing the boy hard into the pavement, slapping his free hand into the other side of the cuff. All of this, Jeffrey watched, stunned, detached, without emotion. His attention however, was claimed by the fact that Jessica had fallen to the cold hard pavement just seconds before. A flood of red warm blood began to pool around her sprawled form. The lieutenant, who was the closest to them, dropped to his knees, checking Jessica for any signs of life. His eyes as he looked up at Jeffrey confirmed what he already knew.
"Malloy! Andrew! Get an ambulance over here now! And get those goddam punks locked up in that fucking truck!" he yelled, cradling Jessica's head in his lap. He glanced again at Jeffrey, who started straight ahead, as if in shock. He sighed softly, and shook his head, lowering the girl's head gently back to the pavement, and pressed her eyelids closed with his hand.
Jeffrey, however, was not stunned, or in shock. Just the opposite. That final act of senseless violence, against his innocent Jessica, had shattered him. That dark need inside him had been set free once more, to take its revenge, and for once, Jeffrey didn't even attempt to restrain himself. While he stood there, motionless, staring ahead, seemingly in shock, his mind was directing its energy at the five boys being loaded into the police van. With savage glee, he found the sparks of their life deep within them, and squeezed.
"Lieutenant!!" one of the officers yelled out. "One of these guys is going into convulsions! No, make that two... three... hell, all of them! Lieutenant, looks like a bad drug reaction or something!"
The lieutenant frowned, at war with himself over his need to see those gang members serve time in jail, and his deep desire to see them pay for killing that beautiful girl lying at his feet. With serious regret he yelled out, "See if you can do anything for them. That ambulance should be on the way. Try and keep them alive until then." He turned to face Jeffrey, who now seemed to be aware once again.
"Mr. Myers," he said softly, "I'm very sorry about your lady. If there's anything at all I can do... anything at all..."
Jeffrey merely nodded softly. "It's okay, Lieutenant. You and your men just did your best. Besides, it looks like justice will be served anyway, when those scumbags die."
"Yeah, well," the lieutenant said, scratching his head, "I really wanted to see them behind bars. But I think you're right. Maybe it's better this way." He shook Jeffrey's hand again. "Mr. Myers, once again, I'm sorry for your loss."
"Lieutenant, it's too late," one of the officers called out. "It's too late. They're all dead."
Jeffrey nodded again, and walked on towards his car. "And I, Lieutenant," he replied, "am sorry for your loss as well."