Mr. Thomas produced a tape and tape player out of his desk and gingerly put it the tape inside. He pressed play and at first there was a lot of superfluous sounds as the doctor prepared for the interview: the sound of Anita laying back into the soft leather chair, the click and drag of his pencil and pad of paper and finally his voice. "So, tell me, when and how did these strange event begin to occur?" he asked.
A woman's voice came out of the speaker - soft and tired. Just from the voice Mr. Angles knew that Anita was a beautiful woman - sometimes you can just tell.
She took a deep breath and began to retell the events of the last few days. "It all started the day before we left, at about two in the afternoon on Friday. It was the hottest time of the day. I had taken off from work early and was driving to meet John at his apartment. The noon sun must have been beating down on the streets for nearly two hours and had turned the asphalt soft and gooey. Everywhere I looked heat was rising in columns of fume that ruffled the few dry leaves on the city trees. Traffic was backed up bumper to bumper and I was stuck in it. I remember crawling along with the rest of the cars in my little Volkswagen but the AC was out. So much for buying used cars!"
The doctor scribbled some notes and patiently urged her to continue.
"I had the windows rolled down but it didn't do any good in the stagnant air. Sweat was collecting in little drops on my nose and forehead and my shirt was clinging to my back. You know, it was one of those times when little trickles of sweat spring from your armpits and race down your side..."
The doctor hummed in agreement.
"Well, I was thinking of the camping trip and thumping my steering wheel to the music on the radio and ..."
"What kind of music were you listening to?" the doctor interrupted.
"It was Latin. I don't remember the song.."
"Ok. Continue with your story.." The doctor scribbled some notes into his pad.
"Well, I was trying to figure out if I had brought all the stuff I needed. My backpack was in the back seat. I remember reviewing the list: candles, snacks, wine, chocolate, books of erotic poetry, and other absolute necessities. I wanted to bring all the romantic stuff because I knew that John would have taken care of the more pragmatic items like the tent and mosquito repellent. I remember being very happy to be getting out of the city because everything was so ... I don't know ... urban I guess. There were piles of black garbage bags lying on the sidewalk waiting to get picked up. All the buildings had bars on their lower windows..."
"Were there other people around?"
"Yeah, some kids were playing ball on my left in a fenced-in basketball court. And just up the road there was a group of local boys hanging out on the steps."
"These were the boys in your first dream?"
Anita blushed a little and lowered her voice, "Yeah, they were the ones.."
"Describe them to me. What happened?"
"I was looking at them absentmindedly as the cars inched forward. They were dressed in the current vogue. You know, bright colors with baseball caps turned to the side and long, baggy jeans hanging just off their asses so that their brand-name boxers were plain to see. They must have been around 18 or 19 years old. They were all moving to music coming out of their boom box that was sitting on the steps between them. One of the boys looked at me: you know, one of those long, sweeping 'I'm checking you out' looks. Of course I looked away down the street, but when I glanced back he was still staring! I remember his stupid grin - the corners of his mouth were all turned up and I could see a bright gold tooth. He had a straggly little boyish mustache just off his upper lip."
"What happened next?"
"Well, I looked away again, and sent out my best 'bug off, twerp' vive. I didn't even bother looking back when the cars moved enough to bring me right up next to them. I knew they were probably talking about me but I just fixed my eyes on the cars ahead and pursed my lips. I could hear their music mixing with mine....Then it happened.
I began to feel very dizzy. It was the first of three times, as you know. Everything seemed to slow down - their music and mine mixed into one long, slow motion beat. I turn my head to look at them, but it all felt like I was moving through molasses. I saw them jeering at me. One of them was saying something but his words were coming out too slowly for me to understand. Another one was lewdly flicking his tongue - you know... and another was reaching between his legs and grabbing his groin over his shorts." Anita shuddered as she recalled all of the details.
Mr. Thomas paused the tape and looked at Mr. Angels. "They must have been the first men she saw - her first image - it is not what I would have liked, but of course I had no idea until much later." He pressed play.
"Go on Anita, it's going to be OK." The doctor urged.
Anita paused to choose her words carefully "Suddenly an image flashed through my mind; the first of many. It was there only for a second, but it was there as clear as day. That was the weirdest part. It was like if I was really living it."
"What was it an image of?"
Anita choked back a tear. "I was on my knees in a dark room. The kids from the street were standing all around me in a circle. They were naked and they were all stroking themselves. I could see their smooth teenage skin winking back and forth. I...I had my mouth around one of them; my hand was working another...."
"Please, Anita, be strong. Describe what happened next."
"That was it! That's all that happened the first time. I snapped out of it as suddenly as I had fallen into it. The man in the car behind me was laying on his horn and there was a gap of almost five cars left in front of me. I don't know where the time had gone. The boys were still gesturing at me but everything was back to normal speed. I stepped on the gas and squealed away. My heart was beating wildly all the way down the street. When I finally turned the corner I let out an incredible sigh of relief. I had no idea what had happened to me, but I didn't want to even think about it. I thought it was over. All I wanted to do was hurry to meet John. After that we made ourselves busy trying to find our way out of the city and to the woods."
Mr. Thomas paused the tape again. "When I saw her I was all eyes and ears to see if she was feeling the magical affects of the drug. I could tell that she was worked up - her whole body was radiating heat - and she seemed really happy to see me, but she didn't exactly attack me and rip off my clothes. To tell the truth I was a little disappointed - I thought that maybe the coffee had diluted the effect. I checked in the car, and I saw that she had, indeed, finished the whole thermos - so at least there was that."
He pressed play.
"Anyway, we got to camp - it was a short hike to a nice secluded spot. We got there early and had everything ready just around dusk, so we decided to use the remaining light to play hide-and-go-seek. John was it first. As I crashed through the woods I could hear him counting down playfully. He was singing out the numbers like a kid, '15...14...13...'
I ran wildly through the woods looking for a good spot to hide. I thought about maybe climbing a tree but then reconsidered: there would probably not be enough time and John would then find me hanging with one leg wrapped around a branch while I tried to scramble up. I had to find something better before time ran out. Then, just as I began to panic, I spied a group of big rocks that rose out of the ground. I ran towards them and slipped around the back.
It was a perfect hiding spot. The rocks rose about four feet from the soil and came together to make a sort of mini-cave that I could crouch in. There was just enough room for me to sit crunched into a ball. I sat there now listening to my own breathing and straining her ears for any sound of John. Soon enough I could hear some sticks cracking under his footsteps.
'Anita...? I'm coming to get you, Anita!' he was calling out.
I could feel the granite against my back - it felt cool - my heart skipped as I waited to be discovered. His footsteps came closer and closer. I don't know what it was, but I felt really turned-on; really, really turned on!
'Maybe you are hiding behind those rocks, huh?' he said.
I knew I was toast so I got ready to dash for it. Then, just as I was about to scramble out, the dizzy feeling came back. I fought hard to concentrate, but the world started to spin. Just like in the car, images started to form. They were blurry and distorted at first, but soon they were sharp and clear in my mind. I was back in a dark room, surrounded by teenage boys! It was as if a movie was being run in my head - a porno movie in which I was the star!"
The doctor stopped her at this point to emphasis that she should be really detailed in her description. When her voice returned it was a little shakier, a little less flowery. It was not clear whether she was recalling the memory with fear, disgust, or perhaps a little excitement.
" I was, uh, giving them oral sex. I had one of them in my mouth and then another. I could see all three boys pointing their, uh, cocks at me. They were all glistening wet...."
"Cock?" the doctor interrupted, probably raising an eyebrow.
Anita ignored the interruption and continued with her story. "My hands were stroking two of them, while my mouth bobbed over the one in front of me. I could see the kid's balls knotting up behind his shaft so I switched to the one on my left, sliding my mouth down on it until I hit my hand which was wrapped around the base. Then I switched to the one on my right. I remember sucking my cheeks in to compress around it...
I tried to snap out of it, but I really couldn't. I kept trying to get a hold of myself, but somehow there was nowhere to turn - somehow the images were flowing in and I couldn't stop them!!"
The doctor scribbled some notes on his pad.
"The cocks, um, penises, were crowding in around me. The boys were stroking themselves wildly - then with a sudden rush of lust I opened my mouth just as one of them came. I remember it all - the ropes of cum that splashed against my tongue, the really weird feeling of lust that it invoked in me... Then another came, then the other one. Even though it was just a dream I really felt in my mouth the sperm of three men!
Then, suddenly, John jumped in front of me just as my mouth was closing to swallow.
I remember the huge grin on his face as he screamed, "Ah hah!! I've got you!" and bent down to tag me.
At first I didn't even know where I was. For a few disorienting seconds I still had the image of the boys in my mind as I looked at John. Then he playfully kissed me and I was sure he would taste the other men. It only registered to me later that it was not real. In the meantime John reached down and grabbed my arms lightly to help me get up. As he pulled me up my face moved towards his zipper. Suddenly my mind went swimming again. I don't remember anything clearly after that..."
Mr. Thomas paused the tape. "She doesn't, but I do! I remember it better than anything, because it was the first time that I experienced even a hint of what was to come. I tried to pull her up, but then I felt her hand on my zipper. I tried to joke with her, you know, by saying something like, 'Ooh you naughty girl! Is this your punishment for getting caught?', but she didn't answer. She was totally fixed on getting me out of my pants.
She pulled me towards the rock while her hand snaked into my underwear and pulled it out. It was already getting hard, but as soon as I felt her mouth descended over my entire length - that incredibly delicious warmth - I got hard instantly!
I was grinning like a schoolboy! I rested my hands on the top of the rock and looked around. Below I was getting wonderful head, and all around the birds were chirping and in the thick of the woods the trees rose tall and proud towards the sky. If anyone had walked by it would have look like I was happily humping a pile of waist-high rocks!!
I remember being in total heaven. I tried talking to her again - I said something like, 'God, honey, that feels SO good' or whatever, but the only answer I got was a slurping sound as my girlfriend continued to suck me. She was entranced. The next thing I knew her hands are working down my pants and underwear - she only let me out of her mouth for a second to get my boxers down. Soon her hands were cupping my ass and balls - you know how good that feels. I was euphoric as I felt my dick slip further and further into her mouth, much farther than ever before.
Frankly I was a little surprised that she hadn't already stopped. Usually she would do it only for a minute or two - or give it a quick kiss before rolling on the condom, but this time she was going on much longer than she ever had. I was so sure that she was going to stop at any second that I held my breath in anticipation and tried to concentrate on the last few furtive seconds that remained. But, to my great surprise, after five more minutes she hadn't even showed any signs of slowing down or tiring. In fact she started to pull at my ass with her hands, moving my hips backwards and forwards into her mouth with greater urgency.
She kept moaning into my dick, 'Mmmm, Mmm, Mmm!' as it slipped in and out. I knew the drug was working and I was so happy. Compared to the blowjobs she would give me later, this was amateur, but it was the first really good one ever. It was with all her soul, even though I didn't know at the time that she was really thinking about those kids she had seen on the steps....
I remember getting really worried when I began to tighten up; I knew that any more and I was going to cum. I knew, also, that she really, really hated the idea of a man doing that in her mouth. As she continued to slide me in and out of her mouth with tantalizing deliberateness my mind began to race. My fingers were delicately wound in her hair - and my instinct was to grab her head and jam forward full force - to bring myself off as hard and deep as I could, but I resisted.
You see, Mr. Angles, this is our true instinct - but few of us have ever really followed our natural call to dominate. This is exactly what our organization makes possible. It was the beginning of my enlightenment. I wanted to do it so bad; the temptation was so overwhelming that I could hardly resist. I rode the feeling, my fingers twitching slightly as I guided her head. Then, with gargantuan self-control, I started to pull away. I convinced myself that I wanted to save it for later. I was afraid of disappointing her because usually once I cum it takes me a very long time to be ready again. I felt that I should be able to give her something in return - especially since we were out on a romantic camping trip, and especially since I knew she was on the drug."
Mr. Thomas paused in his story, smiling deeply. Mr. Angles was enraptured.
"I pulled away gently, but guess what? Instead of letting me go she started pumping faster and faster! Suddenly she was drilling it into her mouth, shlirping loudly with every thrust! She acted as if she was actually afraid I was going to take it away from her!
The thought of letting myself cum down her throat turned me on incredibly. I wanted to do it so much, but even then, God-bless me, I considered pulling away. I even began pushing on her head lightly, trying to warn her as she drilled it deeper and deeper into her throat.
Then, all at once, it was too much for me - the sensation, the moaning, the slurping - everything. I pushed her head back stiffly as if to warn her, but her tongue started swirling and swirling around the head and she was pushing forward with all her might against my hand, trying to get it deeper. Well, I thought, 'Fuck it!" and I stopped pushing and started pulling!
I jammed forward into her face and my dick slid in all the way to the bottom. It was indescribable. Her hands immediately wrapped around my ass and clamped me there and then she moaned, 'MMMMMmmmmm!'
My whole body shook as I started cumming - the sperm literally bursting from my dick and into her throat. I felt my body pump out each spurt like out of a hose. The sound of her moaning and gurgling drove me absolutely crazy - without a doubt it was the strongest orgasm that I had ever had. My heart almost melted with pure love as I felt her take deep, heavy swallows!"
Mr. Angles looked pale - the man was breaking into a sweat as he listened to Mr. Thomas's story.
"I held her head there for a full minute - with my member buried in her mouth until every last thrill of the orgasm was over - then I let it slip out. I remember being amazed that she could even breathe considering how deep I had been in her throat. I must have had awe in my eyes when I crouched down to thank her.
Then I saw her face for the first time. Anita was panting breathlessly. Her eyes were half-closed and fluttering spasmodically. I could see the whites of her eyes as the pupils rolled back into her head. She was convulsing slightly. At the time I thought something was wrong. I was petrified because she looked like she was in the middle of a seizure. It didn't even occur to me that she was cumming - I mean I had never seen anyone cum so hard in my life! I really thought something was terribly wrong.
I screamed her name as I shook her by the shoulders. Slowly her face returned to normal. Her eyelids fluttered open and she groaned one last time then she looked at me steadily for a second and screamed in glee, "You caught me!"
At first I was confused but then I realized that she didn't remember a thing! I almost burst out laughing, but I managed to control myself. Then she noticed that I had my pants around my knees...
'Hey - what are you doing with your ding-ding hanging out?' she asked. She never used to say bad words like 'cock' or 'dick' - it was always 'ding-ding' or 'pee-pee.' Ha!"
(Both Mr. Thomas and Mr. Angels had a good laugh at that.)
"Anyway, she didn't remember a thing, but she was quick to figure it all out - I guess the taste of semen must be pretty distinctive. 'Ewh! Did you just..? What the fuck?!" she screamed and wrinkled her nose in the funniest way I have ever seen. Then she shoved me backwards and got up. 'You Fuck! Did you just rape me?! Or drug me or something?!'
Things were going way wrong and I had to think quickly... I felt immeasurably guilty, as you can imagine. It took me a long time to get over that guilt. Getting over guilt was the hardest part of my enlightenment. Once you let go of guilt then you are free to do as you wish. You are truly free. You see, when you really analyze what motivates our actions, or our inaction you will see it is fear. Specifically, fear of consequences - of getting caught or other terrible things. Guilt is just fear in disguise; I felt guilty because I didn't want a similar thing to ever happen to me. Also I was so afraid that if she found out what I had really done then she would stop being my girlfriend - and then I would be alone and that is always scary. It's all very debilitating. But with the organization all that is gone - there is no fear of consequences and therefore no guilt."
Mr. Thomas smiled and leaned back in his thick leather chair.
"But, of course, I hadn't reached that point yet, so I just acted dumb and denied everything. I acted really confused, 'Anita, what? How could I? I mean you just gave me the best head of my life, Are you joking?'
It probably never would have worked, but she must have felt guilty herself for thinking about the teenage boys. What luck!" Mr. Thomas laughed like a kid then he continued his story, "We had the funniest conversation after that.
'I what?' she said, 'Oh my god, John...I don't remember!'
'What do you mean you don't remember? You're joking, right?'
It was really funny. We just stared at each other for a long time and she got a really serious look on her face and said, 'Um, John, maybe you should tell me what happened, exactly...' She was still staring at my wet penis that was hanging limply between my legs!
I pulled up my pants and began to retell the story. 'Well, uh, I found you hiding behind these rocks, and, um, I tagged you and tried to help you up, but then you unzipped my pants and started, you know, going down on me and..."
'And you LET me?!' Her indignation really made me feel guilty. You know how women are - they can really put a guilt trip on you, but I had no choice but to continue to play dumb.
'Well...Yeah! Of course I did... I thought you wanted to. You really don't remember?'
'No! Now just tell me what happened next.'
'Next? Well, you just kept..um..you know...and it felt really good!'
'I bet! I can't believe you! Would you fuck someone that was comatose?'
The conversation went on like that and I felt like a whimpering dog. Not at all like I felt only a few moments before, then finally she looked at me seriously for a moment and asked in a really hurt tone, 'John....did you, you know, finish?'
'Finish!' I thought, 'God, did I finish!' But, of course, all I did was flush crimson and say, 'Yeah..' really meekly.
It was terrible; she shook her head in exhaustion and kept at it, '...in my mouth?'
'You know I don't like that...'
'Yeah, but I thought that you wanted to this time' I whined, 'you were really going crazy down there. I'm so sorry, I really thought...' My euphoric feeling had turned sour - I really felt like a shit - I thought our whole weekend was ruined. I vowed not to take advantage of her again. I vowed to be the best boyfriend that I could be. I had no idea that it was only the beginning!"
"So, what happened? What did you do?" Mr. Angels prompted.
"Nothing! It was amazing - by the time we had walked the 30' from the hiding spot to the tent she had already forgiven me. She was even apologizing for being mad! She said things like, 'It's OK, John, I understand.' and 'John, did it really feel good? Because if it felt really good, then it's OK.' and 'John, I'm glad you did it, because if it really felt good for you then I think it was the right thing to do.'
She knew I felt guilty, and for some reason that made her feel terrible so she kept trying to make me feel better - 'John, don't feel guilty - I - I think I sort of liked it...'
We were preparing dinner - opening cans of tuna, boiling corn, all that stuff and I noticed that she seemed really spaced out. Then I realized that it had only been a few hours since she had taken the drug and it hadn't even peaked yet. I watched her furtively for a long time; it was clear that she was trying to fight back her own desires. There was a hunger in even her most simple actions, a yearning in the way she opened a can, a cavernous longing in the way she breathed. I made it worse for her by 'accidentally' brushing against her. I watched her squirm with secret delight. I pretended to be really busy and serious whenever she made any signals towards me. She tried to kiss me a few times - once she even tried to drag me into the tent with her, but I resisted. She was in turmoil - she couldn't understand the source of her desire or even my lack of desire. She thought it was because I was upset, so I got to listen to her apologize more and more for having been mad at me. Believe me, it is really gratifying for a woman to give you oral sex and then apologize for it afterwards. I sat around with an erection for most of the evening - until finally I told her we were going skinny-dipping in a nearby lake. She practically dragged me all the way there!"