After a few days of contemplation, Admiral Anticrime arranged a meeting with Chief Speef. He strode confidently into the chief’s office and shut the door behind him.
“Admiral Anticrime! It’s always a pleasure to meet with you, but I’m honestly surprised to see you. The lovely Ivana hasn’t yet landed the catch we were fishing for yet, and I know you’d be the first person to know if she had…”
“Yes, Leif. That’s what I figured, but I’m actually here to talk about something else.”
“Really? What’s that?”
“I was wondering if I could have use of one of your officers for a separate, but related, project I’m working on right now.”
“Would you mind please telling me what you have in mind?”
The superhero looked at the floor while he put together the right words he wanted to say. Finally, after taking a deep breath, he said, “You know how my instincts have been coming into question lately?”
The chief scowled but said, “Yeah,” with a combination of reluctance and uncertainty.
“Well, I’d like to borrow one of your officers to test out my instincts.”
“To … test out your instincts?”
The hero smiled and nodded slowly.
“Do you mind if I ask what you mean by that?”
“That’s the thing. I don’t want to get you into too much trouble, considering the current … climate. I’m worried that if I tell you too much, then you could get into trouble for supporting me.”
“So you’re asking to keep me in the dark on this one? For … plausible deniability reasons?”
“Do you mind?”
“Is there any chance that I’ll find out what this is about after it’s all over?”
“Of course! Even if it doesn’t lead to any arrests.”
“I suppose I can let you do that.”
“Great! I appreciate it. Who can you offer up?”
“How about Officer Blarney? Or is he too close to the rest of the investigation?”
“I think he’ll do quite nicely, actually.”
Officer Barney Blarney, after meeting with Chief Leif Speef and Admiral Anticrime, announced to the rest of the police department, that he would be taking a short administrative leave of absence for personal reasons, an excuse that no one in the precinct questioned and which was not noticed by anyone in the press because, as a cop, his rank didn’t really warrant media scrutiny.
The following day, he assumed the role of private investigator and kept a close eye on the actions of Councilman Rudy Doody, most notably when he was not at work. Using a car he had borrowed from a friend, he camped out in front of the lawmaker’s home and kept an eye out for the people who came and left the house. To the extent that he could see in the windows, he made a note of that as well.
About an hour after the councilman returned home from work, a modest car pulled into the driveway. As two women dressed in moderately revealing outfits walked from the car to the front door, Officer Blarney scrambled for his camera and took pictures of the two women. One of the visitors had a key to the front door so the two women let themselves in.
Within a matter of minutes, three silhouettes appeared behind the shades of a window on the second floor. It didn’t take much for the officer to recognize that the two new guests were about to become a part of a threesome with someone else in the house, presumably the councilman himself.
Since this appeared to confirm the superhero’s suspicions about something going on with the councilman, Barney picked up his cell phone and called Admiral Anticrime.
Within five minutes, Admiral Anticrime had arrived next to Officer Blarney’s car. “Excellent work, detective! Could you please debrief me?”
“Well, sir, um… Two women let themselves into Councilman Doody’s home and, well, I suspect they’re both … er … they’re, uh… having … sex with him right now but I can’t be sure.”
“Who’re the women?”
“Not sure but I got these pictures…” The cop fumbled for his camera and showed the hero the pictures he had taken.
The hero’s eyes widened. “That’s … Vicky Veenyveedy!”
“I’m sorry, sir, but who?”
“The ex-secretary of Mayor Minor. That’s certainly something … interesting. She left the Mayor’s service right after Levi’s weather machine was destroyed. She said she had a better offer. It’s definitely interesting that she’d still be involved in … government affairs, huh?”
“That’s interesting, anyway. Any idea who the other woman is?”
“No, unfortunately not. You said they let themselves in. Did you catch which one had the key?”
“Yes. It was the one you didn’t recognize.”
“Now that’s certainly interesting. I’ll be right back.”
He turned on his jet-pack and floated up to the window behind which the three people were last seen. Donning his X-Ray goggles, he looked in and confirmed that the two women were clearly having their way way with a very naked and very aroused Councilman. He tried to get a close look at the people involved in the miniature orgy of lust and noted that all three had distant expressions on their faces, as though they were emotionally detached from the activities they were engaged in.
The hero reached up to his glasses and used the fitted camera to snap a couple of pictures of the goings on inside the house.
Once he landed back down on the ground, he phoned the police chief. “Chief! Anticrime here. Yes. If I sent you a picture, could you please identify the people in it? I suspect you might know who’s in this picture. That’s right. Uh huh. Yes.” He pressed a button on his glasses and said. “I’m sending it to you right now. Yup. Let me know when you get it.”
Officer Blarney started to speak but Admiral Anticrime placed his finger to his lips to wordlessly silence his companion.
“Yup. That’s Rudy Doody. And yup, that’s Vicky. Any idea who…” The hero began to chuckle. “I am completely unsurprised by that. I knew you’d recognize her. I’ll be coming back to the precinct with Barney in a few minutes. Yup. We’ve got something really interesting here.”
The hero hung up the phone and got in the passenger’s seat. “Let’s roll.”
“Who was that other woman?”
“She’s the one the chief chased to Melanie Felony’s house the night Levi was exonerated.”
“Oh, my. That is interesting, isn’t it?”
“And it’s by and large what I suspected we’d see.” He began to mumble, “I guess I haven’t lost my touch after all.”
After nearly a week of visiting the Crisco Disco, Ivana Getchyaoff finally saw a handsome man approaching her later that evening. She felt a slight flutter in her breath and a twinge between her legs.
“Hi. Do you have any evil in you?” he spoke with a deep, smooth, soothing voice.
“Would you like some?”
She giggled. “What do you mean by that?”
With a chuckle, he smiled broadly. “My name’s Evil. Levi Evil.”
“Ivana.” She shook his hand. The moment he took her hand in his own, she let out a gasp. There was something intoxicating about his very demeanor and she had to shake her head just to keep from getting lost in his eyes. “Ivana Getchyaoff. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
“Wait’ll you see the pleasure I’ll show you later…”
“I can’t wait.” She paused for a beat and added, “I’ve seen your name in the news. Didn’t you create a weather machine? And you created a summertime heatwave, right?”
Levi laughed. “Oh, I can create heat everywhere I go.”
Ivana wiped her brow. “Yes. Yes you can…” She slowed down her breathing. “So, can I buy you a drink?” She paused for a moment then decided that she didn’t want to wait for him to respond. “Or maybe we could find some place more private and do what comes naturally.”
Levi began to stroke her hair. “Why don’t we just find some place more private?”
“Your place or mine?”
“Let’s go to my place.”
“I’m game,” she began to giggle.
“I like the way you think,” he said as he stood up. She took hold of his elbow as the two of them walked out of the bar.
Admiral Anticrime happened to be in Chief Speef’s office discussing the results of Officer Blarney’s stakeout of Councilman Rudy Doody’s home, when they heard the sounds of someone coming on to Ivana Getchyaoff at the bar, through the monitor they had placed on her.
“She’s good. If I didn’t know better, I’d say she really wanted to screw him,” remarked the superhero.
“I was thinking the same thing. I really hope he didn’t do something to her to make her forget her mission.”
“Even if she does, I’ve got to say that the sound quality coming through the wire in her bra is really good.” Admiral Anticrime glanced at the monitor that showed Ivana’s exact location through the global positioning satellite chip in her bra. “She’s on the move!”
“They’re going to his place, right?”
“I wonder who’s driving…”
The sound of a motorcycle engine revving answered that question before the chief had the chance to speculate.
“I think I’m going to go wait for those two little lovebirds at Levi’s lair. Talk to me about probable cause. There’s no laws against picking up people at a bar, but…”
Ivana’s voice came through the monitor. “I’ve got to say, if your machine made it as hot as I’m feeling right now, I’d say you got off easy.”
“I’d say you’re going to get off tonight, my dear,” the villain responded. “But yes. I was worried that my reputation as an evil villain might’ve been damaged a little bit but it was a small price to pay. Don’t worry. Not long after I bring you to your knees, I’ll bring the whole city to its knees. Well, it won’t just be me bringing the city to its knees. It’ll be me and my cousin, really.”
The chief chuckled. “I’d say we’ve got probable cause now. But remember: he’s a relatively small fish compared with Melanie Felony.”
“Right. I’ve got an idea as to how to get her next…”
“Will you clue me in on what you’re going to do?”
“Let’s just say that we need to get Buddy Bloody involved after all.”
“You’ll see!” called out Admiral Anticrime as he flew off into the night.
Admiral Anticrime tracked Levi Evil and Ivana Getchyaoff along the route to Levi’s lair. As he had a jet pack to fly across Metroburgh, he arrived at the lair first.
He donned his X-ray goggles and saw Levi’s henchman, Smedley, wandering around inside. Smedley seemed to be tidying up the place but otherwise didn’t seem to have much to do. Fortunately, Smedley seemed to be sticking to the first floor and was in his own little world. All the hero needed to do, was gain access somewhere on the second floor, preferably making as little noise as possible, and he could show up undetected.
He flew around the upper floor and found a window that was slightly open. He opened the screen and the window, before carefully floating inside and then towards Levi’s bedroom.
When he found the villain’s bedroom, he noticed a small jar on the nightstand. He picked it up, opened it, and smelled it, recognizing that the contents were remarkably bland. The only noteworthy feature of this jar was the fact that it was about half empty.
His hand brushed the side of the nightstand as he was returning the jar to its rightful place when he saw a small handwritten note. He picked it up and read it. “Dear Melanie. Creme is amazing. I might run out soon. Any chance you can send me more? Signed, Levi.”
“This is just too easy,” whispered Admiral Anticrime into the air. He stowed the jar and the letter in his pocket but realized he needed to disappear when he heard the villain and Ivana coming through the front door.
Admiral Anticrime quickly flew out the window through which he entered. The hero decided to remain close by in case Ivana needed assistance in getting out.
While he hovered outside of the window, Admiral Anticrime radioed back to Chief Speef. “I got the stuff that improved his looks. What’re you hearing?”
“I can’t tell exactly but she’s doing a great job. Sounds like she’s really trying to seduce him. If I didn’t know better...”
“Well, they’re here and I’m right outside, so I can extract her before he tries anything funny if need be.”
“Good. You can never tell when a guy like Levi might get violent, especially if he’s being led on this much.”
Admiral Anticrime put on his X-ray goggles. “Hang on. I think they’re coming up to his bedroom.” He moved closer to the wall and listened to the activity.
Ivana giggled. “I’m usually … not this forward with the guys I date but you… Well… There’s just something …” she took a deep breath and added “Cool about you.” She took off her jacket.
“I have that effect on a lot of women,” said Levi with a calmness that was almost disconcerting.
Ivana started to unbutton her blouse and added, “I believe that.”
“So why don’t you just let out the animal inside of you? Go wild.”
Admiral Anticrime watched the activity going on inside this room with an increasing incredulity. He whispered into his communicator, “She’s taking her clothes off now. What do you think, Leif? Should I intervene?”
“What’s Levi doing?”
“Just watching her, actually. Maybe he’s unbuttoned a button or two from his shirt. Yeah, he’s just starting to unbutton his shirt. And she’s down to her bra now. If she takes that off, there’s no telling how strong the signal will be.”
“I’m sure she’s not going to—“
“She is! She just reached around behind her back to unclasp it.”
Within a moment, her bra had cascaded to the floor, revealing two large, pert, and very stiff nipples. She asked the villain, “Do you like what you see?”
“Did you hear that all right, Chief?”
“It’s a little softer but it’s still coming through pretty clear. I take it she took it off?”
Before Admiral Anticrime could answer, she leapt forward like a tiger and landed on the bed.
“What was that noise?” asked Chief Speef.
“She just pounced on him. She’s unbuttoning his shirt now. I think I should intervene.”
“Yeah. Something’s gone wrong. I’m not sure what he did to her or anything, but…”
Ivana fondled Levi’s crotch. “Ooooh. I like what I’m feeling in there. Can I have a look?” She was starting to unfasten his belt when Admiral Anticrime flew in through the window.
“Admiral Anticrime!” cried out Levi.
“The game’s up, Levi. Nice job, Ivana.”
“But! I haven’t even started to do anything yet,” she pouted.
“Get your …” the hero paused. Something was dreadfully wrong and he knew it. “Ivana?”
Levi sat up on his arms. “How does he know your name?”
“I have no idea!” protested the girl. “I just know that I’m really horny and want to fuck. Or is that against the law now, Admiral Anticrime?”
“Of course not. It’s just … I don’t think you’re in your right mind right now.”
“Then let me fuck this man. Or would you like to join in too?”
Levi immediately said, “No!”
“I’m tired of this conversation. I hate to do this to you, Ivana, but I’ve got no choice.”
He raised his sleeve and a small dart flew straight into Ivana’s neck. She collapsed on top of Levi, who was pinned to the bed. A second dart hit Levi squarely and he joined Ivana, fast asleep.
Admiral Anticrime collected their clothes and carried the two sleeping people back to a holding cell in the precinct. He gave specific instructions to the officer on duty that he didn’t mind it if the two of them started to have sex when they woke up, but no one else was allowed into that cell. And, just as a precaution, all female officers should be kept away from Levi Evil.
After Ivana satisfied herself on Levi’s man-meat, she left the cell. Within a short while, Levi’s appearance had reverted to his usual, less-than-perfect visage.
Ivana gave her report and explained that there was something about his appearance that just made her lose control. Admiral Anticrime glanced at the jar of cream and said “Let’s get a sample of this to the lab for analysis.”
Officer Blarney took the jar to the lab. Chief Speef, Admiral Anticrime, and Ivana Getchyaoff walked down to the holding cells to visit Levi Evil.
“Your cousin’s pretty good with her chemistry set, isn’t she?” said the chief.
Levi was visibly frightened but didn’t say anything.
“You’re going away for a long time,” said Ivana. “You don’t want to be holding the bag for both your crimes and your cousin’s, do you?”
“No! I’ll tell you anything. Just please. Don’t …”
“We’ll see what kind of a deal we can do, but I need to know everything.” said Admiral Anticrime. “Let’s start at the beginning. Did you create the heatwave?”
“Whose idea was it?”
“Mine. And my cousin, Melanie’s.”
“How come you never made any demands?”
“Melanie was building up an army of slaves first.”
“Oh really? How’d she do that?”
“She had this special ice cream. Someone who ate it, once it went through their system, would become her servant.”
“The day the two of you showed up at city hall, was that to make your demands?”
“Yes. But we already had an in with the mayor’s office.”
“Who was that?”
“The mayor’s assistant. Vicky somethingorother. She works for my cousin now.”
“Yes! That’s it!”
“And that cream you rubbed on your face. It made you handsome, right?”
“Yes. And any woman who saw me would … well, you saw what happened to you.” He pointed to Ivana.
“I’ve heard enough.” Admiral Anticrime turned to the chief. “Let’s go take down Melanie. I’ve got a plan…”
It took two hours to apply the cream to Buddy Bloody’s face, but when he was done, he was as handsome as Levi had been in the height of his carousing ways. Admiral Anticrime dropped him off at Melanie Felony’s doorstep. With Hugh Jim Bissell working late at the mayor’s office, Melanie answered the door herself.
She let out a gasp and said, “Oh! What, um… What can I do you for?”
“May I come … in?” he asked as he saluted Admiral Anticrime for another job well done. And, to boot, Melanie surrendered—by all definitions of the word—without a struggle.