Now and Then
I'm just am old lesbian, I'm not going to say how old. I have read many accounts of how girls were seduced into a lesbian life, but none of them are how I remember it.
In my case it was in the sixties and on holiday. Girls left school when they were fifteen years old in them days. I was still at school with no end in sight. That makes me about twelve or thirteen years old. I had never had any sexual experience not even masturbation. I had never touched myself except to wash or wipe myself after toilet. It was a terrible sin in them days, nothing like it is today. I was still playing with dolls. I knew nothing about sex at all, let alone lesbianism.
Before that summer I don't remember ever having a sexual thought. I yearned for love and I loved romantic films and stories. I saw my friends get excited about film stars and singers and while I liked their singing or acting it was no more exciting that a good plumber or builder or sportsman. To me they were just men with a talent for the work they did. My friends had pictures of them on their bedroom walls. I felt nothing for any of them. It didn't matter to me how they posed or what they wore.
I had friends of course, both male and female, but they were just that, friends. There was no sense of being different or strange, as you see related in so many stories. I was totally normal. I played games and sport and was in the Girl Guides and before that I was in the Brownies and hated school and loved holidays, in other words, normal.
It was one of those very rare, very hot summers. We were not a wealthy family, but then neither was anyone I knew. My family always went to the same place for two weeks holiday every year and I loved it. It was in Anglesey in North Wales. There was nothing there just miles of farm land and beaches. This year we stayed in a chalet (Shed) on a farm overlooking a beautiful bay and the huge almost deserted beach.
For weeks before the annual summer break I kept count of the days left, or rather the number of nights. I counted the sleeps left until my holiday. I didn't count weekends, only school days counted. For the last fortnight my mother would go through the drawers and examine my clothes from the previous year, looking to find anything that was in good enough condition to be worth letting out so that they would fit me again.
I remember when I had my first bleed, when my mother told me that I was now a woman, I remember worrying that being a woman would mean fewer gifts at Christmas, like when I stopped believing in Father Christmas. That's how children think, in spite of being told that I'm now a woman. I still felt the same. Since I started to bleed each month, which was never properly explained to me, I had put a spurt on in my growth and so nothing still fitted me and nothing had enough 'give in them', as my mother called it, to allow them to be enlarged. Nothing, that is, except my swimming costume, it was elasticised and would stretch. Mother was very upset and complained to my Dad.
She took me to a clothes shop for the very first time ever. I was very excited. Clothes previously were bought at Whitson time only, once a year, simply on the basis of being for girls my age. Everything was plain and functional and had to last the whole year. My, so called, 'Good' clothes had to come off as soon as I got home from school. I didn't think anything of that, because when I went out to play all my friends were also dressed in rags.
The shop had racks and racks of summer dresses, shorts and skirts and summery tops etc. My eyes popped. I thought each one we looked at, was prettier than the last. My mother went to the counter where a sweet looking woman had her sales face on, a fixed smile she put on for dealing with customers, with make up that looked like it had been put on without a mirror. I had no say at all, in what I was to try on. The two dresses, selected by my mother, were pretty enough but made of quality cotton that would last for years, which of course they would have to. I was showed into a changing room. I felt like a lady. It was small but with mirrors on every wall. I tried on the first of the dresses and looked admiringly at myself. When I came out to show my mother she took one look and asked for the next size up. The woman said, "Can I suggest...?" she didn't finish the sentence but made a sign with her hands about her breast.
I was handed a larger dress which was too big for me. When I immerged, standing awkwardly, trying to show how hideously large it was.
Mother said, "Yes, that's right, she will grow into it." My spirits plunged and all interest in new clothes was suddenly gone. Then I saw it. There was a neat pile of cotton knickers not unlike the ones I was wearing, but instead of the expected vests there was a neat pile of bras. My spirits soared again.
Mother handed me one of them, "You better try these as well," she said.
I went back into the dressing room to take off the dress and to try on the bra. Even when I was still in my vest, I could see that my nipples were erect. Having slipped out of the dress, they were now trying to pierce through the white cotton. I slipped out of the vest. My breast were still barely formed but my nipples stood out as if it was cold. I put on the bra and my breast then immediately took its shape and looked to me to be much larger.
I went out into the shop and turned this way and that proudly showing my new breast. I stood tall with my back straight. My mother turned me around unceremoniously and pulled at the elastic, satisfying herself that there was plenty of room for growth. On the counter were shorts, tops, socks and the two dresses, but all I cared about were the bras. They were plain white cotton, but to me they were wonderful. It was the best feeling ever. Only the wealthy had a car in those days and so to have a ride in a car was a great treat. The holiday therefore started for me at the front door sitting in the taxi, enjoying the smell of the leather and hoping that my friends could see me. Eventually the luggage was loaded and we set off. The smooth ride so unlike any bus. The car was fast and the trip was all too short. We were taken to the next stage in the annual treat, the railway station. The train journey was great fun and so was the taxi to the farm. I have told you all this so that you will understand the naive innocent girl I was, uncomplicated and unaware and just excited at be starting her holiday.
We were invited into the farmhouse kitchen, while monies were exchanged. The kitchen was big with a large AGA stove at one end with a large flue going out of the back wall. There was an enormous scrubbed top table. It was huge and would easily seat twelve or more people.
The farmer's wife greeted us warmly and then waved in the direction of the table, to a girl sitting there, "This is Gwen my daughter home from college," she said.
The girl smiled and nodded at my mother who just smiled back.
I went weak at the knees. I was instantly smitten. I had read about love at first sight, but didn't really believe in it and anyway I expected to fall for a boy. But here she was the most stunningly beautiful creature I have ever seen. Things were happening to me that I didn't understand. My heart fluttered, my pulse raced, my groin went hot. I was red faced. I knew this because it throbbed. She was older than me, about sixteen years old. She had dark hair and eyes I could drown in. I just stood there feeling weak and shaking.
She smiled the most beautiful smile and said, "Hi"
I couldn't speak and just shrugged. I thought I would faint and worse, I thought I would pee myself and then I panicked.
The door was still open. I turned and ran out into the yard. I gasped at the air.
Mother came out after me, "What is the matter?" she asked.
"I don't know." It was a lame answer, but the only one I had.
Mother looked annoyed," Stop being a silly girl and pick up a suitcase. Gwen is going to show us to the chalet."
Father and Gwen immerged from the farmhouse. Father took up a suitcase in each hand. I picked up the smallest one that contained mostly my things.
We followed Mother and Gwen down the country lane bordered on each side by high hedges. I was able to look at Gwen as she walked. She was tall and elegant, her skirt swished from side to side hypnotically as she walked. Her hair was long and cascaded over her shoulders. My groin was hot once and again I felt a dribble of pee.
I don't know if I was weakened or if the case was too heavy, but I had to put it down and take a rest. "Do hurry up my girl," Mother ordered impatiently.
Gwen smiled at my Mother, "It's all right," she said. She came back to me, "let my help." She put her hand over mine and helped to support the case. It became very light and floated into the air. I was barely carrying it at all.
"What's you name?" she asked.
"J... Julie," I stuttered.
"Nice to meet you Julie," she smiled again and I dribbled into my knickers again.
We arrived at the chalet. It was in fact a large shed with a veranda at the front and windows at each side of the only door, marking it out from any other shed I have ever seen. Running water was supplied by a rainwater tank situated at one end of the chalet. The toilet was a can with a toilet seat on the top, housed in a small hut about fifty yards away, hopefully down wind. On the positive side though, it was situated in a field that was high on the cliffs overlooking the whole of the bay and the sea. The view was breathtakingly beautiful. Mother was saying to anyone listening, "Look at that view."
I was only interested in looking at Gwen. Her breast were full and round. The dress hugged her stomach and then flared out into a full skirt hiding the rest of her shape. Her tanned legs reached down to the ankle boots she wore. I looked up again from my examination of her, and saw that she was watching me as I was looking her at her up and down. She smiled and turned back to the view. She explained landmarks in the distance to my Mother and Father, but occasionally flashed a glance in my direction. I was aware of my swelling vagina and the heat in my groin. I fought to avoid peeing.
Gwen waved good bye and went off back to the farm. We were busy unpacking the cases. There were only two small bedrooms, one at each end of the shed with a window looking out at the sides. Mine was at the end looking out at the distant toilet hut. There was just a bed, a wardrobe, and a stand with a bowel and a jug of water. The stand had a wire basket, attached to it, just large enough for a bar of soap and had a hook for a towel. They was no soap and no towel. I went back into the living area and before I could speak my Mother handed me a bar of soap and a towel. I packed my things away and undressed to change out of my travel clothes. It was then that I noticed the stain in my knickers. I had been dribbling into them, but the fluid was thicker and slimier than the pee I expected.
I washed and changed into shorts and top, not forgetting the most important part, my bra, and went out and sat on the veranda, using one of the deck chairs provided. I was relaxed taking in the sun when the peace and quiet of the countryside was shattered by the throb of a big diesel engine. Gwen's voice rang out to my Mother who was by now standing next to me. "Would Julie like to join me on the farm?"
Would I? I nearly wet myself, but I called back, "I don't mind."
"Come on then jump on." She was sat on a tractor. They had no cab in those days. She was sat on the only seat with a huge wheel at each elbow and two smaller wheels in front. There was a trailer attached, half full of fence posts, tools and a roll of barbed wire. I climbed on board and sat on the fence posts. She waved at my Mother as we took off back into the narrow lane. She drove with the wind causing her hair to flow behind her. To me she looked like a beautiful ancient warrior.
Once out of earshot of the chalet she stopped. She turned to me and said, "Come on, join me here."
I jumped off the trailer and climbed up onto the tractor. The single seat was designed for a man and was plenty big enough for me to sit between Gwen's legs and for Gwen to still be able to drive. She put her arms around me and gripped the steering wheel. I felt her warmth and a thrill ran through me. She then started the engine and revved it. The vibrations went although me from my groin to every part of me. I knew that my knickers were getting wet but I didn't care. It was the most wonderful feeling ever. She kissed my ear, "Lovely isn't it," she said. I just nodded. She drove the tractor and all the time the vibrations went through my vagina and on through my bladder and then up and around and everywhere.
We reached the field were the half the fencing was flattened. The engine stopped. I jumped down and my legs almost folding under me. Gwen jumped down and held onto me. She turned me and kissed me on the lips. My whole inside ran out into my knickers. She laid me down into the long grass and lay beside me. She continued to kiss me. I felt her hand reach between my legs and then I was filled with love and yearning, and pulses of energy, in me and through me. She kissed my neck and lifted my top and kissed my stomach. All the time her hand caressed my vagina sending me higher and higher into ecstasy. She pushed my bra off my breast and kissed my nipples. I arched my back I wanted her to drain me. My fluids ran freely from me and tears ran down my face.
I offered no resistance as she undressed me and I gazed in awe of her, as she stripped herself naked. I was so much in love that I wanted her desperately. I wanted to devour her. Her magnificent pubic hair put my whispery ones to shame. Her breast were round and pert with their erect nipples all ripe, ready to be consumed. I fell upon them hungrily. Her hand was in, on, and all around my vagina sending me wide. I felt all around her's, it was hot and slippery and yielding. My fingers almost fell into it. We made love like this, twitching, thrusting, wriggling together, gasping and panting, climaxing over and over. Finally we just lay cuddled up together waiting for our hearts to return to a more normal rhythm.
Gwen insisted that I put my top and knickers back on, but remained naked herself. When I protested she explained that if I was tanned without white bits my Mother would know that I had been naked. Were as her parents would understand and in any case they never saw her naked. It made perfect sense. I will never forget the sight of Gwen swinging the mallet as she drove the fence post into the ground totally naked, the sight of her lovely breast swinging back and forth and the even lovelier sight of her bottom wobbling with every stroke. I giggled and masturbated and taunted her until she had to stop work and make love to me again and again.
That was the first day of the most fantastic holiday I had ever had and would ever have. That was the real transition from childhood to womanhood. I learned everything about me and my body from Gwen. She set me up for life. My body went on developing but my desires never changed. I went on to have many lovers and still do, but I will never forget Gwen. In those quiet times alone in my bed I still remember her and when I masturbate it is Gwen that I make love to. That's how it really was for me.
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