The next day at school Iris found me in the hallway between classes. “Veronica!” She ran to me and grabbed my elbow. “Please, please, please. I need to talk to you!”
I let her take my arm. Around us the passing crowd rushed by. A few jostled me. A girl in red walked directly into Iris. “Block the hall much!”
I slipped to the side and leaned against a locker. Iris held on. “Please.”
Her hair was up in pigtails, but today it was messy and unwashed. Her gray skirt was frumpy, not her usual style of rich fabrics in beautiful colors. Her orange tee shirt had a hole in the shoulder that revealed the strap of her bra.
I looked around for the boy. Did he follow her? If he did, would I see him with second sight? I had seen him on the train.
Iris put her arm around my waist and pressed her chest against me.
“Iris, no!” I pushed her away, but not too hard. Still, she staggered a bit.
She stomped her foot. “You have to talk to me! I can’t take this anymore.” Around her eyes her mascara was streaked. “I love you so much.”
With that, the passing crowd slowed and looked at us. She grabbed my hand. “This is cruel, Veronica!”
“Iris! What the fuck!”
More students slowed. Some stopped completely. I whispered, “Please, don’t make a scene!”
Her eyes got wide. “Just talk to me.”
“Fine.” I grabbed her hand and led her to the restroom.
Inside, two girls lingered, one doing makeup, the other sitting on the counter chatting with the first. When Iris saw them, she halted and cast me a panicked look. The girls, on the other hand, cast brief, dismissive glances back at us.
“Just wait,” I said to Iris. I gave her shoulder a little squeeze.
Soon the girls finished and sauntered out the door. Seconds later the bell rang.
“Okay, Iris, waddaya want to say?”
She swallowed and breathed. She clenched her fists. Then she stepped back and faced me with her chin raised. “I left Larissa. Totally! She’s a big fake. And I’m in love with you.”
“Iris, you shouldn’t — ”
“Wait! I talked to Melanie. She likes me fine, and she says I can help you guys, that I can watch over you while you take her to the spirit world and stuff. Then we can switch and you can do the same for me. She’s totally cool with me. She likes me and wants me there.”
She took a bold step forward and put her hand on my breast. “And you like me too. I can feel it.”
Indeed, she could. I could feel it too. As soon as her hand touched me, I felt my nipples swell and burn.
It was her eyes, so intense, her clumped makeup, her messy hair. That I could drive her to this.
“I know, I’m desperate!” She took another deep breath. “I can’t help it. And I know it’s lame, but I can’t stop thinking about you. Totally. It drives me crazy.”
Her hand was still on my breast, and she seemed to notice that I didn’t mind so much. She sniffled and rubbed her nose with her other hand. Then she wiped that hand on her ugly skirt.
“You like me, just admit it.”
She placed her other hand on my other breast. Her mouth began to draw close.
Should I tell her about Larissa? That Larissa was indeed real, and very powerful, and that I was afraid of her? Where was the boy?
Her lips drew close to mine. At that moment, I saw him.
He floated through the wall, still naked in his silvery boots. On his face was his cruel sneer. He glanced around, seeming to take in the scene: me so close to her, her hands on me, her body pressing, her mouth drawing close.
I turned my face so her kiss landed on my cheek.
“No!” she said. She gripped my chin and squirmed against me. She went for the kiss again. This time she landed it.
Her breath was so hot, her lips so soft. Her little breasts pressed against my breasts, her hips against mine. The boy watched. He raised one finger before him and wagged it back and forth.
Iris wrapped an arm around my neck and forced the kiss. She began to press and wiggle her tongue.
But I was bigger and stronger, and as weak as her kiss made me — the tingles shot through me and made me feel rubbery and wonderful — still, I was the stronger girl. I grabbed her shoulders and forced her away.
“Iris! No! We can’t. You can’t have me. You should go back to Larissa!”
“Veronica!”
She pressed again. But I held her back. Behind her, the boy floated so that his face was visible above hers. He arched his brow quizzically.
“No!” I said.
“It’s killing me!”
She charged full on. I blocked her, stepped aside, shifted my hips. She staggered into the counter. Then she fell to the floor with a smack.
“Fuck!” She began to cry. She tried to get to her knees, but slipped on the damp tile. “Oh, Veronica. No!”
I walked out and left her there.
My next class was with Melanie. I walked in late.
The class was Western Civ. My teacher, Mrs. Yost, turned to me and said, “Veronica, I’m glad you could join us.” I nodded. She scowled. But she didn’t say more. Nor did she give me a detention — she considered me a lost cause, it seemed. I drifted over and took the seat next to Melanie. “Hey, babe.” I shot her a huge smile.
She gave me a dim look. I went on, “You won’t believe what just happened.”
Mrs. Yost cleared her throat. Melanie fixed her eyes ahead. I slumped down into my seat and listened to the boring lecture. While Mrs. Yost droned on, I fiddled with my pen. Everybody else took notes.
After class I followed Melanie out into the hall. “Hey! What’s up?”
She shrugged and kept walking.
“Mel!” I grabbed her arm. “Come on! Tell me.”
She wrenched her arm away.
“Baby?”
Around us, students slowed. Some stopped. I wondered if any were the same as who had watched my earlier scene with Iris. What must they think of me and my romantic life?
I stepped in front of her. “Mel, come on. What’s wrong?”
“I’m tired of waiting. I want to do it today. I don’t care how. I’ve talked to Iris and she’s willing.”
Her eyes were strong, fixed on me. Her chin was high as she stepped forward. “So, it’s now or never. If you say no, I’m gonna go to Ms. Labelle and convince her to take me.”
“Lover’s quarrel!” some big guy with strong arms said.
I ignored him. Melanie went on, “I’d rather do it with you and Iris. She seems really nice, and Larissa did her wrong. And you don’t have to fuck her. She just wants to be around you, to see magic. She’s like me.”
“Melanie…”
Like her? Just wants to see magic?
Was that how she saw this? That her thing for me — and Iris’s — was only that?
But before I could say more, she said, “So decide, and I’ll tell Iris after next period.”
She looked at me and waited. Circled around us, the other students shifted in place.
“Mel, sweetie, I already kinda totally blew Iris off. LIke, I was gonna tell you that.”
She shrugged. “Then call Jessica or Ms. Labelle. Or let’s go on our own. Let me know by the end of the day.”
Before I could say anything, she stomped away and disappeared among the milling crowd.
From behind me, this horrible redhead named Jenny Douglass said, “Wow! Shit day in lezzie-land.”
I didn’t hit her. Instead, I stood fixed in place while my audience slowly drifted away.
My phone buzzed. When I looked, it was a text from Mom: call me right away! I called. She answered. “Veronica! Good, it’s you. Look, I’m back at work today — don’t ask. Anyway, Andrea wants to see you, you know, about the college stuff. Like, this afternoon or tonight. Yeah, it’s kinda weird. But honey, I need this job. Please. Will you come by after school and talk to her?”
I held the phone to my ear while the bell rang and the halls emptied. And I wondered, what would Melanie do today after school? And what would Iris do? And what the hell did Andrea Dawlton want from me, now that she knew who I was, that I was a witch?
“Sure, Mom.”
I guess I would find out soon.
When I entered Andrea’s office, what was once Mr. Hobaugh’s office, she motioned for me to close the door. Which I did. The place looked different now. The polished wood cabinets were gone, replaced by minimalist shelves of blueish glass and steel. The pictures on the wall had changed; images of rich men on horseback playing polo were replaced by abstract art in vibrant colors. She sat behind the desk in her commander’s chair. She wore a gray skirt and white blouse, unbuttoned to show hints of a lacy bra. A suit jacket was tossed onto the mostly bare desk. Next to that was a sleek laptop, a stylish leather handbag, and not much else. She had a compact open and was applying lipstick. Her shoes were curvy blue pumps.
“Hi, Veronica. Come in. Take a seat.” She tossed her compact and lipstick onto the desk and fixed me with her predatory eyes. A cold smile crossed her face.
I sat, but unlike her I did not lounge back or relax. I sat upright with my hands on my knees. “What do you want?”
“Hmm. I think you know what I want” — she held out her hands, palms up — “everything.”
She tilted her shoulders. Then she drummed her fingers on the glass surface of the desk; her long red nails made a sharp clicking sound.
I didn’t say anything. And I wondered, was I in over my head? Should I have called Ms. Labelle?
“I hope,” she said, “that you aren’t going to deny being her.”
For me, excess honesty had never been a particular flaw. But it seemed foolish to deny the obvious.
“Sure. What of it?”
“Ha! What of it is this, my dear” — she leaned forward — “I’m so glad I know who you are, who helped me. Now we can deal on more equal terms, since I can now guess just what it is you want — that is, how I can help you, when you help me.”
“So your goal is to help me?”
“We can do so much for each other.”
Again she leaned back into her chair and got comfortable. I sat upright and tried to relax. But I couldn’t. I tried to meet her gaze. But my eyes fell. I glanced around, at her handbag, her phone, over at the shelves mostly bare, and then out the wide window at the beautiful view of Back Bay. Mr. Hobaugh’s view, I thought to myself. Yes, it should still be his, but for me and my meddling.
“Sweetie,” she said. “This is no longer the kind of company that accepts — how shall I say this — mediocre workers. We don’t tolerate adequate.”
Now I looked at her. She continued, “This is about your mother.”
“You owed me plenty,” I said. “She gets to keep her job.”
“For now. But sweetie, it’s not totally up to me. Yes, you helped me take down Hobaugh, and sure, your little photos gave me the leverage I needed to land this position. But nothing is forever. People change, affairs get revealed, new material comes to light, maybe something against me. See? The game never ends, the plot wraps around the plots before. You want your mom safe, I must stay safe. And in this game, nobody is safe.”
I sighed. “What must I do?”
“For now, nothing. Right now, things are good. But we stay in touch. Okay?”
“Sure. Fine.”
She crossed her leg and rested her hands on her knee. Her gaze drifted up and down my body.
“And your mom will be fine. In the next few days she’s gonna get promoted, get a window office, have the idiots report to her, not the other way around. The dumb, thankless, stupid work will be hers to assign, not do.”
“I think she just wants the job she had.”
She laughed. “Oh, sweetie. Nobody wants the job they have.”
She continued to gaze at me. I fidgeted.
“Are you comfortable, dear?” She arched her brow, but I didn’t answer. “Because I want you comfortable. We have a lot to talk about. I really do want to help you with your future.”
“My future is fine.”
“Hmm. I see. Well then, why don’t you come over here and kiss me.”
Fuck!
I knew it would come to this. I could tell, by so many things: her voice, the way she carried herself, the way her eyes moved over me, like I was a thing to be had, some sweet delicacy set before her on a plate.
“I have a girlfriend,” I said, as if that would stop her.
“Oh, deary, we won’t tell her, see? Come on. Come sit on my lap.” She slid down in the chair so that her lap formed an inviting little nook. Her legs parted slightly. Her skirt rested midway down her thighs.
“It’s not going to happen.”
But, indeed, I wanted it to happen. She was like a magnet. I wanted to give in, to fail. Melanie had been so unfair, with her ultimatums, trying to get me with all these other girls who wanted me. Her! Not jealous! She had no idea how cruel that was.
Through the starched fabric of her lovely blouse, Andrea touched her own breast. “Mmm. Come over, Veronica. You can’t hide how much you want this.”
Which was true. My nipples were stiff, making unmistakable little lumps even through my sweatshirt. And I was squirming, and breathing hard. I was sure she could see that easily.
I was going to fail. I thought, just at that moment, that I wished it had been Iris first. She was so darling — but for Larissa and her demon powers.
But Iris wasn’t here. Nor Larissa. And Andrea was. I rose from my chair and went to her. I had been a good girl far too long.
I rode the subway home with Mom. We were pressed close, standing in the crowded car with the late workaday crowd. We held the steel bars while the train jostled and jerked. She was very quiet.
Did she know? Or guess? Had she done that, the unthinkable, put me in the path of a devouring monster like Andrea, just to keep her job?
No, I couldn’t believe it. I wouldn’t. But still, she seemed somber and far away, as if she knew she had done something, even if not the exact thing, not its full measure.
At one point she took my hand and gave me a long look. But she didn’t smile. Neither did I.
The sex with Andrea had been pretty great, like it should be with a new woman. Our hunger grew and grew. Her body was lovely, delicious, lithe, and wonderful. Her place down low was magnificent, so pink and curvy in all the right ways, like a fine, soft sculpture. She let me at it, but only in small doses, as if she wanted to manage my hunger, to push me until I broke.
It worked. I begged her to let me eat her, to make her come. Only then, when I was near to madness, did she allow me to indulge myself on her. During the other times, leading up to those final intense moments, she played slow games, working at my nipples, soft strokes down my back, kisses on my neck, letting me smell her hair. I gazed into her eyes with hunger. Not love, not the slightest bit of that. I would have consumed her soul, had it presented itself. I’m sure that is how she wanted it.
Then we finished, first me on her, then her on me. One climax each. But each was amazing. Quiet, as fitted fucking in an office with a secretary just outside. Long, so long, like forever. Strong, too strong, I shuddered and pulled her hair. Then we separated, laughing.
“Oh, girl. You are something else. I mean — fuck! That was intense.”
Slowly, I caught my breath.
“Oh, dear, I will call again. Yes! You can be sure of that. You, of all people on this Earth, I will call again.”
I quickly put on my clothes and then staggered from her office, desperately looking forward to her call.
When we got home, Melanie was nowhere to be found. When I asked her mom, she told me, “I thought she was with you.” I called her cell, but she didn’t answer. Then I called Ms. Labelle.
“Hey, Veronica, great to hear from you!”
“Can we talk…?”
“Sure. Of course. Is something wrong? How’s your mom?”
I held the phone to my ear and began to feel everything. I had cheated! On Melanie! And now she was nowhere to be found. And how bad were things going to get with Andrea? I had no control.
At that moment, holding the phone, I felt everything begin to slip away.
“I’ve done some things. And it hasn’t quite worked out.”
“Oh?”
I told her everything that had happened with Andrea. And about Melanie’s ultimatum, and that she was missing.
“Oh, sweetie, it’s not so bad. Not yet. It’ll be fine, we’ll make sure.”
“I hope so.”
“Can you come over?”
I was quiet. Should I? Now?
“Sweetie, no sex — I mean, unless you want that. But please come. We’ll fix this.”
“I don’t even know where Mel is? She’s mad at me. I thought she might be there.”
“She isn’t.”
I sighed.
“Honey,” she said, “do you have one of her hairs?”
Of course I did. Right by my bed was a hair brush she used from time to time. It was easy to separate her brown from my black.
“Yeah. A bunch.”
“Bring them. We’ll see what she’s up to.”
“I can’t spy!”
“Honey, what if she’s in danger?”
I arrived at her apartment forty minutes later. She greeted me with a kiss and a hug, but not too much of either. She led me in and gave me wine. Jessica was there. She too greeted me warmly — slipping in a little pinch on the bottom, followed by a wink. Then she retreated from the room and left Ms. Labelle and me alone. We sat side by side on the couch. “Okay, let’s go over everything about Andrea again.”
I told her everything again, about Andrea. She sat back and seemed to think. Then she began to speak.
“I’ve never met her, it turns out. I could have a number of times, but it never quite worked out. Probably for the best. Us in the same room might have caused sparks to fly” — she glanced at me — “to say the least. Have you figured it out yet, Veronica?”
I hadn’t — at least, maybe I had. I didn’t know what she meant. I shook my head no.
“Really? Well, dear, let’s think this through together. From the first, she seemed to lust for you, even when you were a spirit. Yes?”
I nodded.
“Then when you were face to face, she called you over, a teen girl, in a high-rise office, where you could be interrupted at any time. And you! The most faithful one — and yeah, I get you and Mel are having trouble. But still, you! You gave in, you went to her, you threw yourself into her arms for feverish sex? Yes? That’s what happened?”
Again, I nodded. And I began to guess what she would say next.
“Dear, what sort of woman is drawn to you uncontrollably, and you to her?”
It was obvious. “She’s a witch.”
Ms. Labelle smiled and nodded. “The thought has often occurred to me: with her naked ambition and talent, her beauty — and yeah, from time to time I’ve met women who’ve shared her bed. So, the signs were there. Nothing certain. But now, yeah.”
“But how… she didn’t know second sight, or anything witchy.”
“Honey! She doesn’t know. Nobody has taught her. She is like you were before you found the book.”
“Oh.”
“All she needs is for someone to teach her.”
I imagined that. “No! Not her! She must never be taught magic!”
Ms. Labelle arched her brow. “And why is that?”
“She’s… well… she’s horrible! She’d be terrible if she had that power. Over all of us. We couldn’t control her. I mean, if she can do all this without magic, what would she do with it?”
Ms. Labelle put her hand on my knee and gave me a deep smile — a proud smile, I thought.
“Yes, Veronica. That’s exactly right. Someone like her must never have the power of magic.”
I nodded. But I had already given her a taste. “But she knows about me. She thinks she can control me.”
“Indeed. So what do we do?”
Again, the answer was obvious. “She mustn’t control me. No, she must be our tool. We put a leash on her.”
Ms. Labelle beamed. “Indeed. And, my dear, I’m going to let you think on this a while, to figure out just what leash.”
She stroked my face and kissed me. Then she said, “Now, let’s track down Melanie.” She sat forward and called out, “Jessica, please come here. And bring the candles.”
I found Melanie sucking on Iris’s darling little tits. They were on a bed with violet sheets and piled blankets. The walls of the room were covered with posters from obscure bands with lurid, ugly art. Across the floor were scattered girl’s clothes, lacy and ornate, dresses and skirts in somber colors — with little splashes of crimson and rose.
Iris’s room, obviously.
Each girl wore a skirt. Melanie’s was a little blue pleated thing, Iris’s lacy black. Each wore thigh-high, wooly stockings. Neither wore a top, although Melanie still had on her precious pink bra, the one with a subtle print of little flowers. She looked up with her wide, brown eyes into Iris’s eyes, while kissing and licking a plump, pink nipple. Iris cooed and fingered Melanie’s pigtails.
I froze in place. From near the window, the boy watched.
Before I could speak, he held his finger before his mouth. Melanie spoke instead. “I love your tits. How ’bout I make you come. Then we can cast?”
Melanie cast a brief glance at the table by the bed. There sat my grandma’s spell book and her notes. Next to that was a bell and a ribbon — not my bell and ribbon. They appeared new.
Iris nodded. Then she pinched the hem of her skirt and pulled it up. Her panties were the soft colors of an orchid.
The boy beckoned to me with his hand, come outside. Gradually he retreated through the wall. I followed. Soon we were outside in the chill night air. The window was right there, the warm interior light visible through the gauzy blinds.
“I was ordered to keep Iris away from you,” he said, while peering at the lit glass. “Larissa, it turns out, has not commanded me to keep her from any other girls.”
“What’s going on in there,” I said, “besides the obvious? I mean, what did Mel mean about casting?”
The boy gave me a long, condescending look. And then, just as I had with Andrea, and for the very same reason, the very same surging desire, I figured it out.
“Oh my god!”
The boy chuckled. “Don’t you mean, oh my goddess?”
“Iris! A witch?”
“Yes. Did you not feel it? You are a stupid girl.”
Perhaps. I should have known, figured it out. The desire — both ways.
“But… oh Melanie!”
The boy drifted near my ear. “I’m glad, actually. Finally, for Iris to know. Too long have I watched while this secret stewed beneath the surface, as Larissa clung to her. Sheesh!”
I glanced at him. “Huh?”
He cocked his head and touched his chin. “I loathe girls enough. I’ve never liked your sort — you’re too moist, too bloated with seeping fluids. But witches are the worst. That I was forced to serve a girl was bad enough. That she fell in love with a witch was intolerable.” He crossed his arms. “Now that Iris knows, she will leave Larissa, I hope.”
I blinked and shook. Panic shot through me. Iris a witch! Would Melanie go to her? — I mean, more than she already had. Would I be replaced?
So many feelings coursed through me. I felt like crying. But my spirit had no tears to flow. The boy looked at me with a smug, cringe-inducing smile. Iris and Melanie! No!
But then, what would Larissa do? She would not stand for this. She was the sort to fight.
“You must follow Larissa’s every order, yes?” I asked the boy.
He nodded.
“What if she commands you to… do something horrible?”
He shrugged.
“I have to warn them!”
I began to pass back through the wall. But as I did, he said, “If you interfere, I’ll kill you!”
I spun back to face him. “I don’t care about Iris and Larissa, but she must leave Melanie out of it.”
Again, the boy shrugged. “I’ll do as ordered. And you will stay out of this. Watch if you want, if it pleases your witchy lusts. Or go away!”
He raised his hand, and I felt a pulse of magic power. Fear took me. I shot away from him, up into the sky, above the building, which fell away beneath me. I saw his small form linger by the window. In the soft light he seemed to shimmer and glow as he passed back inside.
I waited there. Iris was a witch. And Melanie was fucking her.
Back at Ms. Labelle’s apartment, I clung to her on the couch and cried for a very long time. During that time, she held me close. She did not speak, other than to say, “It’s okay, sweetie.” She gave me soft touches and small kisses. Jessica was there also. She sat opposite Ms. Labelle, close to me, her fingertips stroking my back. She also gave me small kisses, hers on the neck. They were not passionate, nor sexy, but warm and kind. She hugged me tight with her hands clenched beneath my breasts.
Eventually the crying passed and I could talk again. I told them everything, about Iris, Melanie, and the boy. Ms. Labelle kissed my cheek. She promised me that Melanie loved me: She could see it. The love ran deep. This was just a temporary thing. And Iris! If she was indeed a witch, she would need guidance and training, and protection from Larissa.
Or something. She promised me all the resources of witchcraft would be mine to command, versus the boy, if a deal could not be made with Larissa or the higher powers. She swore.
Could she beat the boy? Were all the resources of witchcraft enough? He was a creature from beyond.
My phone rang. It was Melanie. I fumbled as I pressed the button. I struggled to breathe as I pressed the phone to my ear.
“Veronica! Look, don’t be mad. Please! Please! Look, okay, I’m with Iris, and she’s a witch! We did the ritual of separation and it worked. Please! I love you — but I had to see. Are you there?”
I held the phone quietly. Ms. Labelle and Jessica watched intently.
“Baby?”
“I’m here. What happened?”
“Well, look, this sounds crazy, but I believe her… okay, promise you’ll just believe me!”
I knew what was coming next. Iris had separated. After she did that, she would be able to see in the spirit world. The boy was there. What did they talk about?
“I promise I’ll believe. Tell me what happened.”
“Iris saw a boy in the spirit world! Like, she said he was an angel or a god or something — silver boots, naked, kinda cute. His name is Orres. She said he was Larissa’s servant or something. Veronica! Larissa is real! She can really do it. Like, the spirits would never show themselves when Iris was around ’cause they don’t like witches and stuff. Anyway, they’re real. Really real! I don’t know what to do. Iris is afraid. She doesn’t want to go back to Larissa.”
Ms. Labelle touched my wrist. “What is it?”
“Iris saw the boy,” I whispered while covering the mouthpiece of my phone.
Melanie went on, “Baby! What can we do?”
Ms. Labelle said, “Tell them to come here.”
I did. They said they’d hurry.
Forty minutes later they arrived. Melanie seemed panicked and out of breath, as if she had rushed the whole way. Iris was pale with haunted eyes. I introduced her to Ms. Labelle and Jessica.
Ms. Labelle led Iris to the couch. “Come, sweetie. Tell me everything that you saw.”
Melanie stood near the door. She didn’t come to me. She only gave me a few brief glances. Jessica, who stood between us, gave us each a gentle touch on the arm. Then she walked over and joined Ms. Labelle and Iris on the couch.
“Hey,” I said to Melanie.
“Hi,” she said back. “So, like, Iris is a witch. How ’bout that?” She shrugged and smiled.
Was she going to pretend nothing in particular happened, that she hadn’t cheated?
“When did you figure it out?” I asked.
“Like, I dunno. I wondered, since she was so crazy for you. But when she told me what happened this morning in the bathroom, like that she threw herself at you and couldn’t control it, well, I pretty much knew.”
“I see.”
She looked at me, finally a long, proper look, at my scowling face. “Is something wrong?” she asked.
If I told her that I knew that she had cheated, I would have to tell her that I was spying on her. And maybe I’d have to tell her that I knew about the boy, and about Larissa, and all of that. Also I would have to tell her that I cheated. I couldn’t keep that a secret.
But then, I was a witch. I couldn’t help it. And I wouldn’t do it again — I hoped.
“Veronica…”
Her voice sounded vague and distant. Her face seemed hazy to me just then. The whole place, everything, was muted somehow. Like maybe this all didn’t matter so much. That everything was empty and that being empty was okay.
I looked at the couch and saw that Ms. Labelle had Iris’s top off. Already! She was fast. Melanie shifted her feet. Her shoulders were hunched. She glanced to the couch, then back to me. “Veronica…” She held out her hand.
I stepped back. I heard Iris’s soft moans and Ms. Labelle’s wet kisses. Melanie began to cry.
It was too much, all of it piled onto me, so many things. I fled from the room and slammed the door behind me.
I didn’t want to go far, but I had to get away. I took the elevator down and staggered out onto the cold Boston street. Then I headed south on Washington toward Downtown Crossing. My phone rang. It was Melanie. I clicked the button to cancel the call. Moments later the phone chirped, Melanie again, this time a text: “Please come back.”
I turned off my phone. I just couldn’t deal right now. I needed to think. Was this all over? Had it fallen too far to ever get fixed? What would life be like without her, without my tattered cloth doll — without my dreams? Tears came.
What would my future be without her? I pictured myself frozen to the bone, no feelings, the ice girl. I work as a big shot corporate spy for Andrea Dawlton, she and I sitting in her posh corporate jet, her sultry smile, her hungry eyes, as we climb higher and higher, and as we take more and more. All the while she never realizes that she is also a witch. Then one day she does. She has me killed.
I saw another future: me on the run, Larissa coming for me, blaming me for Iris. Demons follow everywhere. I have nothing but a backpack and what small bits of cash that I can steal. I can rarely form a circle, but here and there I meet a girl who I can trust, and then I cast. I hit small stores, mostly, enough cash to keep going. My life plods on, painful and paranoid, drifting. Is Melanie already dead? Iris? One day the demons catch me at a bus station in Duluth. They kill me in front of panicked onlookers.
The daydreams passed away. I was now on the pedestrian part of Washington Street, shaking and crying. Around me people gathered, a crowd of maybe ten or twelve. One guy said, “Hey, girl, you all right?” He stepped to me, but his words didn’t sound kind. His eyes focused on my breasts.
A lady slipped between him and me. She was a big black lady wearing a thick red coat. Her face was flat and her eyes wide and brown. “Come with me, hon.” She shot the man a hostile look and then led me into a lady’s shoe store, where three other women surrounded me and sat me down.
“Oh sweetie, oh dear,” the black lady said. “Whoever he is, he ain’t worth this!”
The other ladies were slender and wore elegant clothes with sleek lines. One of them, the shopkeeper I guessed, asked, “Can I get you something? Water?”
I shook my head no. “Please. I just need to…”
I needed to cry for a while. The black lady squeezed my hand. I think she understood. “Let’s give her some room, ladies.”
They backed away and let me cry until I was done. Sweet, wonderful ladies.