Third Date
Written: March 15, 2002
This one is all buttons for me. I guess that if I were ever pressed into giving a full dissertation on my feelings regarding being a complete submissive, this story would be the starting point. It hits so much for me - total slavery in a loving environment, imprisonment, loving sadism, a woman totally in control of me. So many thresholds that are passed through and locked behind me. About the only thing that would be dicey in my world is the public humiliation. I'm totally against involving vanilla's in D/s activities. But this flirtation and domination in a work environment (to many of us, our second home - first home to a select unlucky few...) - this kind of power exchange is sexy in a fantasy way. I guess that were this to happen to me in real life (an alternate universe where I had never met the vanilla love of my life) that I would be in serious trouble. For one, I would react as absolutely as the male character does. I would buck and rebel a little more, I think, but in the end I would be down there in that basement. And the aspect of marking - that's heady stuff. To allow the one you love and who loves you back, to mark you in a permanent way goes beyond the vanilla equivalent of a wedding ring. In this day and age where piercing and tattoos are common, being marked in a kinky way, either by brand or by pierced genitalia, that's still one step further than decorated vanillas.
This story was picked up by a Femdom site and still stands as the only story I've sold. I'm not sure if I remember the site's address - I wasn't given access to it even though my work was/still featured on it for a subscription fee. So it never got bookmarked and subsequently was lost in my muddled memory.
When I ran this on the newsies, one letter I got made special mention of the passage where the main character says that he would risk permanent disfigurement to avoid being caught with Her panties on. The writer of the letter said he loved it and that he got it completely. For a lot of us, being a submissive or even a dominant is something intensely personal. While it is firmly who we are, we don't particularly like showing that aspect off. To that point in the story, this guy has been marked publicly by his Mistress. But when I finished writing the passage I'm referring to it seemed right. I don't feel guilty about being the way that I am - it took years to exorcise those demons. But I don't want society to define me by that. Does this make sense? D/s is as much a part of me that I would feel similar disappointment if I were just thought of as the short, red-bearded guy. Or the guy who is into weird shit. I don't want my life reduced to that label. I want to be known as a good writer, or a good engineer, or a good "something" that I've worked hard to accomplish. Not as something I was born with. That's why this guy in my story would sacrifice his body to not be known as the guy wearing women's panties. Kind of convoluted, considering how the story ends. But the guy is never really in control of his destiny is he? Not when he succumbs to the whisper of his Beast...
Toran