My First Time
"She Hates Me"
Season Three: Episode Two
(Lifetime No: episode 17)
"Season Premiere"
Copyright © 2008
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Summary: In the ALL NEW 2nd episode of Season Three of 'My First Time', we step into a world that many live every day of their lives, being too scared to admit you're gay for fear of losing the love of someone you cherish. This is Shelby Montgomery's epic deliemma. The cherished person in this case is her best friend Passion Stewart, a person who lives up to that name in that she's passioniate about hating gazys and lesbians. While unknowingly hurting her best friend over and over to the point that Shelby can't take it anymore and breaks off the long-time friendship in a fit of intense anger. But everything is not as it seems at first.
Original Airdate: Tuesday, October 28, 2008 @ 8:00 p.m.
(followed by an ALL NEW 'Bad Girl')
Story Codes: ff, oral
Shelly Montgomery is gay. That's what's causing all of this. Do you know how bad it hurts to know that the most important person in the world to you will hate you and no doubt stop being your friend if you revealed who you really were? I hope not and hope you never have to be in this horrible place. Cause it almost makes you think about ending it all, honestly it feels that bad. I'm talking about someone you cherish with every breath you take, every step you take and would willingly give your life for theirs if it came down to it. That person in my life is my best friend, Passion Stewart. What a name, cause she is passionate, about a number of things too. Art, she adores spending hours painting and taking pictures, mostly of me I've noticed, I've posed for her a hundred times or more. But she has this dark side that just makes me so mad I scream at her to just shut up. That dark side is her rage against gays and lesbians, why she picks that topic is beyond me but she does. I've grown so sick of hearing her rant and rave about it, that now I just get up and leave the room to stop myself from saying something.
Now understand when I say cherish, I mean as a friend, not in love with. I think, I'm so confused right now. I want her to be OK with me being gay and to love me for it, even if she doesn't agree. But it's never ever gonna happen, cause she's sure changed and the more time passes the more angry she gets. I wish someone could tell me what makes people like this. So hate filled and to have a rage against someone you don't even know, oh wait I forget, it's because you are trying to save me right? FUCK YOU. You can't get me heaven, I know that. Anyway, back to my story.
I keep praying at night that Passion will some day wake up and realize how much her hatred hurts innocent people. Like her best friend. And the thing that gets me to wondering is she only started this about a year ago. See, what I think started all of this, was a trip we took with another friend of mine (Hayden Canyon), it was one of those church retreats and I know what you're thinking, but it was way different than those psycho's trying to brainwash small children into 'an army for god'. The pastor or preacher (Mike Kennedy), not sure which, is a really sweet, and handsome guy whose about 25 or 30. He openly encourages you to love the way you want. Not gay or straight, just love he says. And the kids who were there, so cool and funny and just normal. Mike was the first person I told about me being gay and you know what he said? Word for word, "God is still gonna love you, he made you this way so I'm pretty sure he's got plans for you. Don't give up on loving him because of some hypocrites on TV. They aren't real Christians anyway."
I would so marry that man, if I wasn't gay. Still I bet he could make me straight if he wanted too. Anyway, Passion started acting weird after that trip and her rage against anything even suggestive of being gay just kept growing. She would just look for a reason to go off. But sometimes, on rare occasions, she would be literally be shut up by some moving display of love. Like in Lost and Delirious, when the girl Piper's in love with won't dance with her at the formal, Passion starts crying and saying how mean that was. I'm like, hello? Can the real Passion Stewart come out? I'm almost at times convinced she hates herself because she's having feelings like she could be and it scares the living hell out of her, highly unlikely I know. And that little L&D moment is not the only time she's acted...normal?
Let me explain, see one night (about two months ago) me and her snuck up to the lake and went skinny dipping. First time I've seen her naked in years and damn girl has a body that makes you wanna pretend to be gay just so you can touch it. A lot fantasies spun off that night. That was the night I caught her staring at me repeatedly. Not that I minded, cause I didn't. She also saw my smoothie for the first time. What stands out about this night was the moment when she pushed me off the pier into the lake and pulls me under with her. Coming back up I was in her arms and she just smiled, scared out of her mind, I could see that look in her eyes.
"You hitting on me?" I asked as we floated against one another. Our bodies pressed together.
"If I did what would you do?" She asked and yes she said that. I was literally froze in the moment and that pause cost me the chance to find out what was on the other side of the comment. Cause moments later, she got scared and pulled away and swam off. Not laughing, just swam all by herself for the longest time. I wish I had had the guts to say something like, "Try it and find out."
Well that brings us to the current night and again Passion is sitting on my floor at the foot of the bed, watching TV. When, like she didn't know this, the L Word comes on Showtime. She immediately goes into her bitching and name calling. Using the F word (the one that ends in OT) as the basis for her attacks and I got up and stormed out of the bedroom and slammed the bathroom loudly. I cried for the longest time before she realized I was gone. I looked into the mirror and saw tears falling as my heart literally broke, it felt that way at least.
"See, I'm gay" I said into the mirror as tears streamed down my face as I pictured Passion's gorgeous ocean blue eyes turning a reddish fire and being filled with hate and unleashing her venom directly on me and then storming off and never talking to me again. "Too bad you can't see past your hatred to love me as much as I do you."
"Excuse me?" She asked from the other side of the bathroom door as I jumped and my heart stopped almost as I feared she had been listening to me the whole time. "Who do you love? Tommy Sykes, the big dick on the football team, huh Shelly?"
"Fuck you Pash" I said as she squealed with laughter from the other side of the door. "Just go away and let me use it."
"OK, the fags are back on, I'll turn it up" She said as my rage finally overcome me and I screamed, "STOP USING THAT GOD DAMN WORD."
"Huh?" She asked as she opened the door and looked at me with tears streaming down my face and my heart breaking into a million pieces as she came near me and I pushed her away and to the floor in a complete rage now.
"FUCK YOU" I screamed as she scrambled to her feet and was obviously confused.
"What did I do?"
"You and that word, fag or faggot, I hate that" I said as I held on to the sink and tried to regain control of my emotions. "Every time we hang out it's fuck those fags and..."
"It's disgusting, their taking over the world" She said as I glared at her.
"Why don't you open your FUCKIN eyes and see what kinda hell they must be going through just so they can have a little peace" I said in a barely controlled rage. "You and your christian right, Pat Robertson BULLSHIT. I can't listen to it anymore."
"Why are you in such a rage over this?" She asked. "Not like you're one of them."
"God knows if I was, you'd be gone and never come back" I said as I pushed by her and out of the bathroom and ran back to my room as she followed after me. Throwing myself on my bed and wishing this whole scene would just end.
"I never said that" She said softly from the door. "You assumed it."
"How many fuckin times have you ranted about them HUH?" I asked as I looked up from the bed. "The L Word on Showtime, fags, South of Nowhere, fags, hell you even believe the teletubbies are gay."
"Whatever" She said as she sat down in the chair by my bed. "What is the big deal? I'll stop saying it if it bugs you so much."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO you won't" I screamed as I beat on the pillows. "You say that shit every few days and as soon as I calm down you start again. SHUT UP YOU FUCKIN BITCH."
"Jesus Shelly calm down" She said as she moved onto the bed and tried to touched my face as I smacked her hand away.
"Fuck you" I said in a rage.
"Look, I can't help the way I feel" She said, "I was raised that way, my dad hates them a lot worse than I do."
"I could care less what your dickless father likes" I growled. "You're the one I love."
"Love?" She asked and I have no idea why but in that moment I saw a hurt look come to her eyes and then some hope appeared as she looked at me. I had no idea at the time what exactly that look meant, but I would find out later.
"Yeh, I love you, OK" I said as I dried my tears. "But I don't think we can be friends anymore."
"Why?" She asked in shock and hurt.
"You are driving me to suicide with this bullshit" I said, "Ever think about the fact that I might know some people who are gay?"
"I'm sorry if I feel it's wrong for men to pack each others fudge" She spat, "And oh my god, two girls now that is gross."
"Shut up" I growled as I wanted at that moment to smack her brains out in frustration. Rolling off my bed and moving to beside my desk.
"Well it is" She said, "It's in the bible you know."
"Get out" I said in a calm voice, "I mean it, get out and don't come back."
"Yeah right" She said with a smirk. "Like you would actually throw me out."
"GET OUT" I screamed as I pounded on my desk. "I HATE YOU AS MUCH AS YOU HATE ME."
"I never said I hated you" She said as I realized it had basically just been revealed that I was indeed gay. "I was talking about fags."
"FUCK YOU HOMOPHOBE" I screamed as I lost it and hurled an ash tray at her head. Watching her move and look back at me in complete shock and fear. "YOU WANNA HATE SOMEONE YOU STUPID BITCH. THEN HATE ME, CAUSE I'M FUCKIN GAY."
"You?" She asked, stunned to silence as she looked at me.
"Yes, me" I said as I couldn't take those eyes on me anymore and I turned and leaned against the wall and cried. I don't know how long I stood there, but the room drew silent as my tears streamed down my face. I was hoping she had left, since no sound had been made, I thought it was a good possibility. Maybe then I could have a good cry in peace and know this whole ordeal was finally over and I could sleep for a little while and escape this horrible cruel world for a few hours at least. That's always been my safety valve, sleeping. It helps me cope most of the time. I wiped my tears away and turned to see her still standing there looking at me, still in shock. "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm positive, I like girls OK?" I asked. "Can you please just go, I so can't listen to anymore of your bullshit tonight, or I'm gonna kill myself."
"No, you won't either" She said as she came to meet me in the center of the room.
"Why do you care?" I asked, "You hate me, remember? I'm a fuckin fag, like you love to say."
"Because I never knew that" She said as she touched my hand gently and for some reason I didn't pull away. "I just had no idea."
"Just go, please Pash?" I asked with pleading eyes, "I wanna go to bed and just cry, god why are you being so cruel?"
"Shut up and let me say something" She said before I smacked her in a fit of anger.
"GO HOME" I screamed as I stalked her and she backed away, tears in her eyes for some reason and practically crawled out of the room as I slammed the door and shook with a rage like I had never felt as I beat my fists on the door and wanted to scream as loud as I could but nothing came out but tears as I felt my heart hurting and for a moment I thought I was having a panic attack. I held my chest and made it to my bed and laid down, feeling slightly light headed and before I knew it I was asleep.
I woke just as daylight broke. Thinking how much my life was gonna change now, my best friend was out of my life and that still hurt but I knew I'd get over it eventually. The worst part would be her revenge, I thought, that being her blabbing to every one at school about it. Not that that really made it any worse. Most of the kids at school are somewhat excepting of gays and lesbians, even the football team. Some had even took the nod from the TV series, 'Once and Again' and started a group called, 'The Gay-Straight Alliance', mostly just the outcasts were members but I thought in that moment as I lay in bed that I could possibly change that. After all I was one of the popular kids, well sorta, and that may change after this, but to hell with the homophobes. I took a deep breath and tried to feel better, but then it hit me, Passion was my world, my rock and I couldn't hardly imagine life without her. I started to cry again, trying to force myself not to care what some homophobic hater thought. But damn it, the pain is worse than anything I've ever felt in my life. I've had broken bones that would make this feel good and I just wished the whole thing had never happened now. God, what a swing of emotions to have. I was wondering if I could even make it through one day without her by my side. You know it's bad, when a depression means you're feeling better. That's how I felt after an hour or so of crying. I forced myself out of bed and sat down at my computer and clicked it on.
"Might as well delete her from my Yahoogle" I said as I laughed and shook my head as I remembered Passion calling it that one day and me cracking up so hard, I spit pop on her shirt. I couldn't imagine my life without that beautiful smile and caring hug. She was...ohmigod, that was it, that's why I was in such pain. It wasn't that I was losing my best friend, I was...in love with her? No, that's silly, I mean I love her, I've told her that. But this wasn't love. It couldn't be honestly. I mean I've known her for like 5 or 6 years and she's always been just a friend. Shaking my head and trying to get that thought out of my mind, I opened my messenger and logged on. Only to be greeted by a message that stopped my heart almost completely.
"This homophobe is in love with you" I read and got light headed for a moment as I saw it was from 'DynastyGirl87', that was Passion's account. I couldn't believe what she was saying, I looked to see it was sent at 9:37 p.m. the previous night. That was literally about 5 minutes after I had thrown her out of my room and life. How could she have gotten that fast and sent it? I sat there stunned and suddenly I didn't know what to feel, happiness? sadness? joy? fear?
"I gotta talk to her" I said as I rushed to the window and saw that the light in her bedroom was off. Thinking she must not be up yet. I grabbed my jeans and jumped into them literally, or rather I tried to as I went tumbling to the bed in a fit of laughter as I finally got them on and scrambled to get my shoes on in the corner and then fumbled with the door knob and sprinted out into the hall, well about a foot before I went tumbling like a load of bricks to the floor. "OUCH."
"What? What happened" I heard as I looked back and saw Passion laying on the floor by my door and looking as if she had just woke up. Her cell phone was laying just above her head as she looked up and saw me and smiled.
"What are you doing here?" I asked as she rolled over and fear came to her eyes as she scooted away.
"Just give me two seconds to explain without hitting me again, please?" She pleaded as I got up.
"It's OK, Pash, I won't hit you" I said as I offered her my hand. But she was obviously gun shy as she rose on her own and I saw the damage I had done the night before. A bruise ran down the whole side of her face, marking my handiwork. I reached for her face and she backed away in fear again. "I swear I won't hit you again, I'm sorry."
"I don't trust you no more" She said as she stood against the window. "I just wanna say one thing and then I'll leave."
"I'm sorry for hitting you" I said, "I wasn't trying to hurt you."
"Not like I didn't deserve it" She said softly as she noticed my computer was on and the message from her was on the screen. "Did you see that?"
"Yeh, another joke?" I asked as she covered her face and started to cry.
"Nooo it's not" She said. "You broke my heart last night."
"How do you think I feel, knowing the person I love most in this world hates me now" I said as I fought back tears.
"God are you thick?" She asked as she pointed to the screen. "It's says and I quote, 'This homophobe is in love with you'."
"I read that" I said as she again backed away from me as I stood. "Passion, please stop, I said I was sorry for hitting you."
"OK" She said as she let me finally touch her. She tensed as I touched her cheek and I knew instantly. I couldn't live without her.
"I am sooo sorry for hitting you" I said as she relaxed and let me move closer as I hugged her. "I'll never do it again."
"I guess" She said. "I meant what I said."
"What?" I asked as I looked at her again.
"On messenger" She said with hope and hurt in her eyes.
"Stop being like that" I said as I tried to pull away as she hugged me. "It's cruel."
"I love you" She growled in my face, "I'm stupid and couldn't handle it until you smacked some sense into me and the thought of losing you scared the hell out of me."
"Huh?" I asked in shock as she did the one thing I honestly never thought would ever happen between us, she leaned in slowly and kissed my lips. Ohmigod what a kiss, so simple and sweet. She held it for a moment as I froze in shock and as the numbness wore off and I was about to kiss her back she pulled away. "OK, so I don't know how you feel, but all that stuff I said, was me being angry at myself for being this way. Not anger at you."
"Shut up" I said as I touched her cheek and this time I kissed her. Feeling a flood of emotions and I willed her to kiss me back and my heart raced when she clutched her fingers into my shirt and her lips fell in time with mine. I pulled her tighter to my body as I felt her give in and start to trust me again. One of my hands moved and touched her cheek as she licked my upper lip and asked for me to join hers with mine, which I did as we kissed softly and I started to massage mine against hers. The pain of the last several months draining from my body as I held the girl I knew I was now in love with in my arms and felt her kiss me like someone she was desperate to love. She offered not one ounce of resistance as she wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into her now as we fell back into the window and traded tongues softly and slowly. I was getting lost in the pleasure of the moment and in her. Just I like I had wanted for so long, but had just never let myself feel. We slowed in what I thought felt natural and parted for a moment, before she kissed me again, so soft and gentle it made me wanna scream for joy. "Do you always kiss girls like that?"
"Shut up" She said as we laughed. "God I am so in love in you."
"I didn't realize till just now" I said as she smiled and I stopped her from kissing me for a moment, with two fingers on her lips, "But I'm in love too."
"With who?" She asked as I laughed and couldn't believe she hadn't figured it out.
"You" I said as her jaw dropped in shock and slowly a smile formed on her face as she let me touch her face gently. "I can't live without you."
"Say that again?" She asked.
"I'm in love with you too" I said as she smiled and rubbed her bruised cheek and said, "I am sooo sorry for hitting you. I'll never forgive myself."
"Yeh you will" She said as she wiped away my tears, "I forgive you, I know it was something I sorta had coming."
"No this is not your fault" I said, "I hit you..."
"I forgive you" She said, "OK?"
"OK" I said as she kissed my cheek and said, "I love you too. Forgive me?"
"Like I have a choice" I said as she laughed and hugged me.
"Everything I said, I apologize for" She said as I simply nodded and kissed her again softly on the lips. "Wanna fool around?"
"Say What?" I asked as she laughed and gave me her trademark 'knowing' smile and pointed towards the bed with her eyes. "Noooo."
"Why not?" She asked as she began to stalk me as I backed away and knew she was trying to get a rise out of me but this time I wasn't biting or so I thought. "You're not that gay huh Shel?"
"I am too gay" I said as she started laughing, me blushing as I sat down on the end of the bed and covered my face with my hands in embarrassment. I could kill her. But too soon, she appeared on her knees in front of me and gently pulled my hands away and kissed me sooo perfectly it made me wanna scream. "WOW!"
"I'll go first if you let me" She said, and I knew then that she was serious. With her stroking my thighs and me wearing jeans it was mind-numbing the effect she was having on me. "But you can say no it's cool."
"I dunno what to say" I commented as she boldly reached up and snapped the button holding my jeans closed and grinned at me. I lost all rational train of thought at that moment as I let her do whatever she wanted with no resistance...well at first. My jeans (and panties) slipped down with her assistance to my mid-thighs. I quickly covered 'IT' with my hands to stop her from seeing me like that.
"What's wrong?" Passion asked as she leaned down and kissed the back of my hands. "I've seen it before Shel and it's beautiful. Come on you know I won't do anything you don't already fantasize about it."
"OK" I said as I moved my hands away and she smiled as she saw it. The look in her eyes telling me she loved it. She quickly stripped my jeans down and adjusted my butt so my pussy was now on the very end of the bed, thighs spread as I leaned back a bit on my hands. Then, to my utter shock and disbelieve, she lowered her head and licked my pussy for the first time. Oh lord that was so good I would have begged for more. But she didn't make me as she had me lay back on the bed and as I looked down she exposed my clit and licked it softly in the most gentle way possible. What followed over the next few moments was a constant stream of pleasure filling my body to the point of making me jerk in pure delight it felt so wonderful. She licked my clit over and over till she brought me close and then began to slide her tongue in and out until she brought me close again. My feet still trapped inside my jeans or I would have long ago wrapped my thighs around her head. They were now quivering non-stop as I whimpered and reached down and guided her to where I wanted her to go and prayed that's the way she'd finally make me cum. She slipped her tongue into my pussy once again and slowly fucked in and out right on the underside a few times and that was all it took. MMMMMMMMMM. My body shook from head to toe from that first mind blowing orgasm and from the numerous ones that followed that day.
I am so in love with her and in love with the pleasure she gives me. And I know she feels the same way.
FYI, she has a smoothie too and....MMMMMMMM, get the picture?
And what's even better is with me and her now members of the school's gay/straight alliance we are now the face of the movement. Encouraging many members of the school's cheer leading squad to even come and join us. Life is good right now. She doesn't hate me anymore I know that. Muahz. Luv ya, see ya.
Written by
Mr. TVM
Tuesday Night on...
(Fall 2008)
* * 8:00 * *
My First Time
* * 8:30 * *
Bad Girl
* * 9:00 * *
Can't Fight the Moonlight
* * 9:30 * *
When Cyber Meets
Real Life