My First Time
"Kelly's Diary: Excerpt #2"
Season Three: Episode Thirteen
(Lifetime No: episode 28)
part two of three
Copyright © 2008
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Summary: In the ALL NEW 13th episode of Season Three of 'My First Time', we pick up where left off in 'Excerpt #1', with our two 13 year old best friends (Kelly and Amy) discovering more and more about sex and life. Including kissing girls, which both began to enjoy greatly. While still trying to figure out life itself, which as both realize is the biggest mystery of them all.
Original Airdate: Wednesday, February 18, 2009 @ 9:00 p.m.
(following an ALL NEW 'Jessie and Katie (in Friends and Lovers)')
Story Codes: ff, teen, oral
This excerpt continued from...Kelly's Diary Excerpt #1
"So why haven't you kissed?" she asked, like she was telepathic or something. This was one of her more irritating talents, because she could always tell when I was thinking something that would embarrass me if I said it out loud, and then she'd ask me about it. I wished I knew how she did it so I could practice it on other people, but she claims she's not doing anything. I think she lies a lot about things like that. It would be just my luck to make friends with the only alien human crossbreed in Texas and when I figure it out for sure I'll be abducted and they'll do all sorts of horrible things to me and then let me go and then I'll be like this tabloid queen like Whip-Me Streiber and I'll die of shame entirely. And Amy will go to school the next day and sucker someone else into doing things like this.
"I dunno," I said, which was always a good answer, but it only postponed the inevitable this time, because she got this look in her eye which I already recognized as being like, I know you're hiding something in there and I'm going to find out what it is. It was depressing sometimes, either it was her powers talking to her or I had this great big sign on my forehead which spelled out anything I was thinking of. Luckily Amy was the only one in town who could read it. You would think my parents could but I'd spent most of my life trying to make sure that they never could except when I was hinting about presents, but it didn't work then either.
She finally got it out of me, that I was scared. I stuck my face in a pillow so I couldn't hear her laughing at me like I knew she was going to. She tapped me on the shoulder for a long time, and I ignored her for a long time, but finally I lost patience and stuck my head out.
She was looking at me like laughing was the absolute last thing on her mind. "Me too," she said in this little voice.
"What? YOU? You can't be scared! I mean, you talked me into going up on the roof at SCHOOL, for God's sake, you can't be scared..."
"It's different!" she said back, like I was totally stupid, which sort of reassured me, I mean, Amy looking human and scared and vulnerable and things was a little too scary a shift to deal with. I mean, this was the girl that got into a yelling match with an English teacher about how spelling was so bogus on account of the way French and English had interbred like hillbillies which was about the time the assistant principal stepped in and gave her like a week of detention.
So I asked, "How?"
She sighed, and flopped back down on the bed. "I dunno, it's just, guys, you know, like they used to try to beat me up and take my lunch and stuff, and now they want to go out with me or whatever except they are still like completely totally children, you know?" I did know. Brats. I wondered when they were going to grow up, although certain leftist Commie feminists on the Comedy Channel insisted that they never would, they'd just get jobs. Some of them. So I told her all this, and she nodded for a second.
Then she got sad, and sighed again, and told me, "But what am I going to do if I never find one that grows up?"
I shrugged. "Be a corporate executive or something and fire them a lot?" That made her laugh. She wanted to go into business, I think because she could mess with more people's heads that way if she was like a vice president or something, but I was sort of biased, having my head messed with so much. "No, really," I added, trying to be nice and supportive and all that friend-in-need stuff, "you'll find somebody someday, really. What about Brian Gilcrest?" Brian was her latest boyfriend de nom, meaning in name, since at thirteen it was impossible to do any real dating things like get away from relatives or friends or stay out late or drive or anything.
She made a face. "He's just my boyfriend because he asked nice, I don't like him."
Now that was a lie, because I kept seeing her look at him in the halls, so I called her a liar.
"Oh, well, what about Mikey-Mike?" she pointed at me. Argh. I hate it when she turns the tables on me.
"Well," I said lamely, and she started to laugh. So I started to laugh too. It was all so stupid anyway. I told her that, and she nodded.
"I mean," she sat up again, "I mean, we're thirteen, right? Right at the beginning of the prime of life, except for being incarcerated for being born," Amy had the same views on education I did. I might have given her a meme when we met, but it like wasn't my fault. "So what do we need guys for? All they are is a hassle, right? Like when you let Mikey-Mike cheat off your homework," which was sort of a sore spot with me because I was getting a little tired of letting him do it when all I got out of it was a thanks and nothing else, I mean, he wouldn't even stop in the halls to talk to me. "Or when I got Ray that stupid birthday present and I went to all the trouble to mail it to his house and he didn't even say thanks or ANYTHING!"
"Right, they're all completely stupid and forGET 'em!" I raised my fist at that like I was making a speech or something, and she giggled and made a fist of her own and then we like slammed them together like we were metalheads or something.
Then everything got quiet, I guess because I'd said all that needed to be said on that topic and we were both trying to think of something else to talk about.
"I wonder what it's like," she finally mused. I say mused, because it was like she was inspired. At least, that's what it looked like when I looked at her.
"What's like?" I asked.
"Kissing," she said in this tone of voice that was totally unlike the usual boy-are-you-stupid one she used when I demonstrated that my telepathy was way underdeveloped compared to hers.
"I dunno, I guess...." I thought about it. "It's supposed to be a lot of fun..." which was kind of lame but true as far as I knew. Even my parents had been observed doing it when they thought nobody was watching. I guess they didn't want me to get bad ideas like they were normal or something.
"I don't think I'll EVER know," Amy said sadly, and then like turned over on the bed so she was looking off the edge and all I could see was her back. It's a Texas thing, I think they're embarrassed by being The Friendly State so they try to disprove it every chance they get, but it's like reflexive so I didn't blame her for it.
After a couple of minutes, though, I realized that it wasn't just Amy demonstrating she could be as rude as anyone else if she wanted to be, and I knew she wasn't tired yet. So I poked her in the arm. "Hey what?" I asked her.
When she turned back over, I was like completely horrified to see that she was like crying. She sniffled and even before I could reach for a kleenex or say anything she kind of wailed, you know how people talk when they're crying, she said, "I'll never get kissed and nobody'll ever want me and I'll die a virgin and I HATE IT!" She smacked herself in the head with her fist in time with the last clause, which worried me because this was like most unusual behaviour for her.
So I grabbed her fist because I couldn't stand watching her hit herself, and then something happened that was kind of complicated, I don't remember it too well, and then I was like holding her as she cried really hard on me. And I thought, as I was like patting her on the back and stuff, I mean, we'd just seen Sandy do this and then here was Amy doing the same thing maybe half an hour later, so I like wondered if it ran in her family or something. Of course the circumstances were like completely different, but this was like the second time tonight I was surprised by someone crying, and they WERE sisters, so you had to wonder.
I was saying stuff like, "Well, I dunno but I think you're pretty, I mean, all the guys I talk to," which was not like a large number but it was more than one, "think you're pretty and stuff, and I dunno, I think we're just at one of those stages, you know? So it's not a big deal yet, I mean, it's not like we're in high school yet or anything," and so on and so on. She finally stopped really crying, and settled down to this sort of steady moan, that she could keep up for hours if she was anything like me when I got seriously depressed. I did that a lot, but I mean, I WAS living in Texas, and that would depress anyone.
She sniffed, and I got her something to blow her nose with instead of my shirt which was my first fear. We sort of ended up looking at each other, and she looked embarrassed. "Sorry," she finally said, and started staring at her feet again, "I, I mean, it..."
"I know," I told her, and unlike some times when I say that, I really meant it because I really did know. It could be like seriously depressing some days, being thirteen. I hugged her instead of like trying to say anything, and she hugged me back really hard, like she was trying to crush the tears except it was my body instead, but I didn't say anything because she needed me right then and she was my friend. I could breathe in a minute. The moaning sort of slowed down as she squeezed.
Finally, she let go, and I tried to make it not obvious that I was trying to catch up on my breathing, but she didn't seem to notice. She was wiping her eyes and face instead. "Thanks," she sniffed, and I nodded, because, well, she'd done it for me and not made me feel bad about it later, one of the many times I'd gotten depressed about moving.
"I just wish I knew!" she said, really suddenly at me.
"Knew what?"
She kind of sat back and started to leak tears again. "What it was like. Being kissed...."
I wished I could tell her, but like I think I already mentioned, I hadn't been burdened with that particular life experience yet, and on my bad days I thought I might have to go into business like Amy just so I could afford to pay someone who was like not completely grody to like kiss me because that was the only way it was going to happen.
"Well it can't be that hard," someone said, and I almost looked around before I realized it was me saying it. Amy and I both tried to figure out what my mouth was saying.
"You mean like, you kiss me?" Amy asked. She'd gotten it about half a note before I did, of course, like usual.
"Um," I thought about it, and I finally sort of caught up with the thought that was running my mouth. "Oh, I mean, like, what I was thinking was, like, um, maybe we could, um, you know, like try it on each other, and then we'd um, like, have an idea or something about what it would be like." I was incredibly nervous about this. Sometimes when I find ideas like this one lying around in my head they are like the worst things in the world, but sometimes they like work perfectly, and I couldn't ever quite tell which it was going to be until they came out of my mouth and I watched what people said after that. So this was like a really crucial few seconds, because I really didn't want to mess this up and make Amy upset again.
"What?" which wasn't a good sign, but it wasn't a bad one either. So I tried explaining it again, and crossed my fingers where she couldn't see it. Maybe this was what Amy felt like when the aliens talked to her or whatever it was.
Her face was like kind of confused, where the tears hadn't completely smeared her makeup all over them. She looked a lot worse than most people did in the movies when they cried. She almost looked as bad as I do. Not quite, of course. "You mean, like you and me?" she asked.
"Well, duh, I mean, do you see anyone else in here?" I asked her back, because I was getting a little irritated, because it was like hello, have a clue or two already, and she just wasn't getting it, and I still couldn't tell if this was a good idea or a bad one and she wasn't making the stress any easier.
"Well, I mean, I mean," she repeated herself, and then gave up and threw herself back down on the bed, but facing me this time. "I dunno, I mean..."
I shrugged and flopped down next to her. "it was just an idea," I told her.
"Well, I mean," she still looked confused, "but would you like tell anyone? I mean, like if I did?"
"No!" I was not, despite the opinions of every single person who had ever tried to teach me math of any sort, stupid. "God, no, don't be dumb, Amy!"
She went into her thinking pose except it was sort of sideways, so I let her think because she could become truly unsociable when she was disturbed when she was in this pose. Maybe it improved her reception or something. Finally she came back to this planet and looked at me and said in this kind of weird high voice, "I guess..."
So I guess it was a good idea in the balance of things, at least in her head, but then I realized I had like no idea how to like actually go about it myself, so it was kind of dumb to be thinking about it, wasn't it? It made me laugh, which made her upset, which made her make me tell her what I was laughing at, which made her laugh too.
"Well, you read all those books," she pointed out to me, as if I was unaware of what they were about.
"Well, um, I think light is better..." She was looking at me when I looked up, and she was really close. "Um. Uh, I guess you wanna try it now or something?" She nodded.
We sort of stared at each other for a while. It wasn't at all like those stares you read about or see in a movie, where it's like you know what's going to happen and it's I dunno, like falling off a cliff or something. It was more like, You first No you first sort of thing.
Finally Amy sighed, because she had like almost no patience, and jabbed forward and gave me a little tiny peck on the lips.
"Oh, brilliant," I told her, which was sort of a non sequitur, I guess, but it sort of captured my feelings of the moment. She laughed, which made me laugh, et cetera.
When we got done, Amy said, "Okay, you try it." Now I'm going to admit something here which is like totally embarrassing, but then what in my life isn't except my English classes. I'd practiced on my hand, a lot. There. I'm not so ashamed I won't write it down; I'm just ashamed enough that I won't admit it out loud under torture. So I thought maybe I had an edge on her, and like she had gone first and it had been completely lame, so I knew I could do better and maybe show her up for once. I hoped.
So I leaned towards her, and just kind of brushed my lips really slowly over hers. I'd read about it once, and it was supposed to be really cool. It was, even if it was Amy.
When I stopped and opened my eyes, the first thing Amy said was, "Why did you have your eyes closed?"
"Because you're supposed to, stupid! Duh!" Which of course also meant that she had her eyes open, which felt kind of like she was cheating somehow.
"Well, but how can you aim if you don't look?" See what I mean about space alienhood? Only someone from another planet would have said aim.
"Well," I said patiently, like I was explaining something to someone from another planet, which like I mentioned was a distinct possibility, "usually you're close enough you can find it by feel."
"Like Rob and Sandy when they were holding each other?" I was glad for her sake that we'd gone to watch the two of them, so she had a clue now. I nodded, and then like completely unexpectedly she slid one arm under my neck and her other one she sort of laid across my waist. After a little bit of time and a large amount of confusion, I determined that I was supposed to do the same thing, so I stuck one of mine over her, and then I sort of had no idea what to do with the other one. "Stick it under me," Amy told me, so I did as she explained that she'd seen Rob and Sandy do this once. Luckily Amy was a skinny underdeveloped girl like myself and was therefore not heavy enough to hurt.
Hugging her felt nice. "What, my turn?" she asked, so I nodded, so she did the same thing I had done, except a little harder. Or firmer. Or something. She pushed more than I had, so it was like our lips squished more, which sounds gross when I say it like that, but it wasn't at the time. I sneaked a peek, and she had her eyes closed this time. "You peeked!" she accused me when she stopped.
"How do you know unless you were peeking yourself! Besides, I had to make sure you're doing it right this time," I told her.
She stuck out her tongue and made a rude noise, so I made one back at her, so she made one back at me, and we buzzed at each other for a while, until Amy stopped and said, "It's your turn anyway."
So I gave her one last buzz, and then moved my head closer to her, but I stopped when she like tried to pull us together. When she finished, I had actually moved several inches, and we were pretty jammed together. She felt pretty warm, which was nice because the evaporating sweat was beginning to make me kind of cold, which reminded me for an instant about taking a shower, but this was sort of more interesting.
Anyway, it was like she had tried to outdo me or something, so I decided I was going to like show her what I could do, because after all I'd done all this research and practice and stuff and this was one time I wasn't going to let her get the Drumstick on this one. Metaphorically speaking, I guess.
So after I stopped moving, I wet my lips a little, because I read that dry lips were like gross, and then I planted one on Amy that Rob would have paid money to give to Sandy, I mean, I gave it the works with regards to lip action. I even opened my mouth which I had heard also sort of added to enjoyment, though I didn't stick my tongue in because I thought that was sort of gross, swapping spit, I mean, I'd heard for years about not sharing silverware and plates and cups and cans and blah blah blah and so it was like conditioning. Though the idea was inherently gross all by itself.
I did it to her for like this amazingly long time, which sort of showed me that yes you could breathe through your nose and if it was reasonably clear then you wouldn't have any problems breathing, which I had wondered about. Amy was like getting into it too, and you could sort of hear both of us breathing sort of noisily, or at least you could if you were that close which I happened to be, and she was like learning on the job or something, because if I did something then she'd try and copy it a few seconds later.
After a while, I ran out of variations, and also ended up like really frustrated about Amy being there while realizing at the same time that if she wasn't there I wouldn't have much to be frustrated about. I know it was a paradox but it was extremely irritating anyway. Plus my leg was going to be even stickier. So when I ran out of stuff to do, I pulled loose.
We were both sort of breathing heavy, and she looked kind of amazed, like Gosh gee whiz I didn't know Kelly was this cool at all. Or maybe I'm deluding myself, but that was what it looked like to me. She sort of whispered, "Wow," which sort of made me more confident of what she was thinking, ie that I knew more than her about this one thing. It was sort of a vindicating experience. Once was all I needed.
We sort of caught our respective breath, and then Amy leaned close, and I closed my eyes, thinking, Well, this ought to be interesting. And it was, really, because like I said she'd learned on the job so to speak, and she was doing a lot of the same stuff I'd done to her like moving her lips around sort of like she was chewing something with her mouth open except she wasn't chewing, which sounds gross but like a lot of this stuff isn't when you're actually doing it. And she did other things which I guess would make sense if you know what kissing is and won't make any if you don't, so if you're reading this and have no idea, go find somebody to experiment with and then you'll know. I'll wait.
What I was kind of startled to find out, though, was that what I thought was Amy squirming around was sort of Amy squirming around but was more like Amy rubbing her legs together, which I mentioned way back I had also found to be an enjoyable pastime. Except I'd never done it where anyone could tell, I hoped. When I figured out what she was doing, I sort of stopped kissing back, which she could tell, which information I also filed away for later use. "What?" she asked.
"Um, nothing," I lied, because I didn't want to embarrass her for two reasons, one she was my friend, and two if I did and she stopped then we would have stopped and I was having fun. So to keep her from asking questions, I kissed her back again.
Or I would have, except she moved, so I ended up kissing her chin instead, which was immensely surprising because the feel is completely different. But, like I said, I did not want to end up second best to Amy this time, so I acted like that was the plan all along, and sort of dragged my lips up to hers, which was sort of like her second kiss except more. Tilting my head to the side as I did this made it like more enjoyable for me at least, and Amy wasn't complaining. In fact, Amy sort of said something like "Nnnnn," when I did this, which sort of made me think for a second, which I also found it was possible to do when kissing. This whole thing was turning out to be this tremendous learning experience.
I mean, this was all very exciting and fun and all, but for that reason I wanted to go do something else in the bathroom all by myself, but at the same time I didn't want to stop either. Amy however came up with one of her solutions and just stuck a leg of hers in between mine, which felt fairly comfortable and at the same time sort of added like a whole new dimension to kissing, especially when it made me say, "Nnnnn," like she had. I guess I didn't have to worry about embarrassing her, except if she tried to embarrass me about funny noises, well, she'd done it first.
When she sort of moved her leg in and out, which was a blatant imitation of something I don't think I have to name, do I, it was so much of something that I just sort of jerked back in surprise and just nervous tension. Or maybe reflexes had something to do with it.
"Oh God I'm-" she started to freak and like also started to pull her leg out, but I was sort of wishing I'd stayed still, well, I was cursing myself that I hadn't, and so I clamped my legs on hers so she couldn't pull it out, and pushed up against her, which was not such a good idea because it jammed several billion of my hormonally abused nerve endings into several billion of hers, and furthermore my nipples were standing out like I'd never seen them except the time the hot water heater broke and I found out about it in the shower, in January in Cincinatti. Well, I mean, I couldn't see them now, but I knew what that sort of about to pop feeling was, because I remembered it. And they really hurt when you jammed them into something when they were like that and you jammed them into a shower door or your best friend's chest.
But I managed to keep from screaming in horrid agony, and kissed her some more, so she wouldn't be able to spazz out loud, at least. And, the more I thought about it, or felt about it would be more accurate, the more I liked feeling her up against me, though I wasn't the least bit cold any more. So I used my arm which was over her back and sort of pulled her closer to me, sort of at the lower end, which caused her leg which was in between mine to sort of slide which caused me to feel extremely good for a few seconds. I might even have said, "Nnnnn," again but I wasn't sure if I really said it or if I was just thinking it really hard.
After that, we were like about as close as Siamese twins, and I just was not at all sure what to do next. This was going a little bit weird, I thought, and although I was liking it I had like no idea what was happening, well I mean sort of in a broader sense.
To Be Continued...
Written by
Helen Hayes
Wednesday Night on...
(Spring 2009)
* * 8:00 * *
Slash TV
* * 8:30 * *
Jessie and Katie
* * 9:00 * *
My First Time
* * 9:30 * *
Unsung