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Do you believe in evil?
by Kaereni
March 5
I close my eyes, I see, I dream, I live. But, it's not my life.
I'm in somebodies body I'm there; but I can't be. I here, I AM
HERE I have to be so that I can write what I see. A room/cavern
all black, a black altar center red candles burning dark, dark,
fear, oppressive atmosphere so thick you can feel it. A blood
red with gold edging cloth covers the altar like a runner. There
is also gold fringe I can't make out the writing but feels?
Latin. Feel fear. Someone knows that I'm here. Someone, he. Oh
God not again, I thought that I left this behind. There is a
young woman shackled to the altar she has over the shoulder
length brown hair, fair skin color. She is fighting, fighting,
she wants free, feel . . . feel . . . fear . . . enter her.
I'll help you. Why have you tied me up? Let me loose. Cold . .
. it's cold. I can't get free, oh God help me. Silent figures
in dark brown or black robes approach around me without a sound.
I can't hear a sound, any foot steps, no breathing. Nothing.
s... ut I can hear my voice, please let me out! Crying, crying,.
Oh God let me free I'll do anything. Oh God please. One of
them has a goat head, a rams head. This is like a bad 60's Satan
movie. But it's real, it's not a mask! My God it's real! Brown
/ black fur, pale eyes, unblinking eyes, you can get lost in
those eyes. A dagger, stone chipped or flaked a grayish brown
stone shiny. Oh my God am I to be killed? Is that all my life
is to be for? Thrust, a whisper of pain, slight burning feeling.
All looking at me, weaker, fog coming in, why faint laughter.
I'm warm, I'm sorry, I couldn't help you, she's dead. They cut
her heart out. This can't be real, I couldn't help her. So
young, so helpless. Oh God, ram head turning toward me he knows
I'm here. Saying, glad you could join us for a little party,
care for some pate', it's fresh. No exits, I can't run, blank
mind must be blank, BLANK . . . BLANK . . . girl . . . blood
. . . despair. Whatever happened to the old man . . . my
master, my teacher. blank . . . blank. Clear all, get up ,get
coffee or something, I feel him, trying to pull me back. I knew
her didn't I. Calm, calm. Talk but don't go back. What do you
want? It's time to collect. Collect what? The girl, why did you
kill her for, she was not involved in this. You killed her by
being inside of her. It's all your fault. Who was she? WHO? YOU
WILL NOT TAKE ME WITHOUT A FIGHT! Anyway who would remain if you
took me? Who made the deal. I cant remember making a deal. I'm
not even sure that I got involved while in Maryland? Did I make
it up or did I forget? WHO WAS THAT YOUNG GIRL? You bastard. Oh
God! I still see her, feel her, am her, will she ever go away?
Richard feel me . . . Richard feel me . . . Pamela, Warren,
the time has come, Johnnie come, Carla come to me. It's time.
. . it's time . . . I feel it coming! Come to me, join me,
join me, come, give me your powers, come, I feel you coming to
me. Join with me. The battle is at hand and I'm missing some.
We will have to work harder. Sharon, can you hear me? Carrie can
you feel me, come, help, I need help! Yes . . . I miss you to
. . . It's been a long time. Back, back into the room, white
candles. LET there be WHITE candles. Feel the power flow, the
candles appear. The room/cave is now lit in a harsh arc light
she's is still dead, can we bring her back? Concentrate, harder
. . . harder . . . try it's not working. Despair. Laftrert you
bastard, prepare to end it right here! It is time. A voice
"anger will destroy you." I hear, master? He has her heart, Its
still beating, she is still alive. I'm being forced into her
body, too strong for me. Too soon, I fucked up. DAMN! I feel it,
the pain, red haze, he is dropping his robe. You wouldn't dare.
Oh God, don't do that. Please don't, he is mounting me. His
breath is like rotting garbage, member the size of a fucking
baseball bat. Pain . . . OH PAIN . . . please stop! Pain .
. . You bastard I will kill you the second I get a chance I
. . . Fucker! Stop, please stop, pain, it feels like I'm being
shot in the gut on every thrust. Why? Why? Oh God please make
it stop. Oh God, he's planted his seed in me. I feel it seeking
lodging in me not to be gotten rid of. I've lost. Master where
were you? Help! I am dying, despair, sorrow, loss. I feel the
tears. Do you Richard, Pamela, Warren, Sharon, Carrie, Johnnie?
Lost . . . All alone. He has planted a part of himself into me.
No telling what evil will come from this. Who was she? Me?
Carolyn? Someone else? Deep pain. The core lost. I LOST! I've
failed. Oh shit. I wish I was dead. Curling up into a little
ball. I am scared to be alone. Hang tough we will come through
this together or not at all. I still feel it inside me, eating
at me I still see her. Now I know why I needed to write tonight
so that this could come to pass. Damn I will get even. I swear
on my mothers' grave you will pay even if I must follow the dark
path. YOU WILL PAY! I swear by the Gods, vengeance is mine. Let
it be written. I feel a fire burning red-hot inside me. I'll be
back for you.
March 6
It has been one day since the death. I feel deep sorrow like a
part of my life has been severed. I keep having deep burning
feeling in my chest like those, I felt while in the woman. I
think that I am dying and I'm scared. I close my eyes and relive
the whole thing, it's like a bad acid trip that keeps coming
back. I swear that I WILL TAKE YOU DOWN! If I go then I'm going
to take you with me. Who was she? I feel as if I'm losing my
mind. The image and intense feelings keep replaying in my mind.
I can't find a way to break away from it. I am at a loss to find
what to do. Oh, God what has happened to me? Why is this
happening to me? What can I do to change this course of events?
Tonight I will try to start following a path that I have not
followed for a long time. If I do this then I will be doomed.
But, if I wait and do nothing I believe that I will DIE! The
pain is so intense that you, the reader can't believe it. It
will be my intention to write all of this down as things happen
if possible. God help me.
March 7
The images in my mind have subsided to a series of stop motion
photographs. The vision of seeing the dagger plunging into my
chest is still as real as it was when it happened. I'm still
scared of being alone. Still, getting those feelings of great
despair, loss, and pain. Was able to gain some power last night
from nature? This power in of an ambiguous nature and does not
affect my mind either way. But, I do not think that I will be
able to continue on this path. A thought has crossed my mind
concerning this document. If someone were to read this then they
would either think that the writer has a good (sick) imagination
or that the writer is crackers (crisp on the outside, light and
airy on the inside). But neither of the two is true. I have yet
to have found a way to prove that IT happened. It is possible
that I am now losing my mind. But, I did have it when this
narrative started. Fear!
March 8
I am finding myself much moodier and prone to tears. I am tired.
The imagines are still with me and coming back with a vengeance
stronger and stronger. I find myself not caring or rather not
able to get excited about anything. I also find that if I don't
get the fuck out of here I will surely lose my mind. What is
left of it at least? I'm gaining in power by each day drawing
to me coming to me. I have found three lady bugs in the most
unlikely places around me they seem to be attracted to me. Is
this a figment of the earthen power that I was able to find? You
must understand that it is below freezing outside and has been
for the last week. Where are the lady bugs coming from and how
are they finding me? I must stand up under the fear, such
intense fear like none that I have ever known. Fear and Despair.
I must fight it. I will fight it. I issued a challenge last
night. Thank God it was not answered. For if it was then I would
have lost again I must try to learn to control my anger. That
I think is my fatal flaw. I still feel the dagger. Will it ever
go away? I'm sorry! Oh God ,I so sorry for that young woman. I
have done some evil things in my life, but nothing can compare
to the feeling that I am going through because of her. If what
HE said was true about my presence being inside her is what
killed her, then I am at blame and that is the hardest thing to
bear with. You see, I never expected to lose. I thought I would
win; I mean that I knew that it would be a fight, but, I would
win and didn't. Not by a long shot. That is crushing. I wish I
could talk to the old man. I have been tying to contact him but
he has not answered except for that voice during the battle; and
even then I think that it was an echo of something he once said.
The cave keeps coming back and replaying over and over but I
can't change the outcome and now I know what will happen.
March 9
We have been remembering my earlier life but not as my own,
rather as someone else's. It's like watching a movie, and I see
myself in them but as a separate person watching from the
outside not from the inside. That is the most bazaar thing that
has come from this. I think that this thing is caused through
the dying of the woman. I am reliving my childhood memory and
seeing them from the outside. I feel a great need to talk to
someone. But who? I still feel the dagger in my chest. I
wonder if that feeling will ever go away. On closing my eyes and
see the glint of the dagger as it falls and strikes me in the
chest. I don't think that I have slept since this happened to
me. Laftrert, I will come back and take you down. I must find
someone to talk to. I still feel her fear, abject terror, and
despair. Who was the young woman? I feel as if I'm being
ripped apart inside. Fear..
March 28
There is a dark bird passing overhead. I feel it, hear it,
and smell it carrion odor of death. Why? What more is there to
lose within me? What more can you take from me? The death,
still haunts me, I close my eyes and live it feel it, even after
so long. When will it ever end. Is it my death Laftrert, you
seek? The feeling of horror keeps coming back the smell, the
feeling as the knife enters my chest, the burning. I get the
feeling that I am being forced into a course of action that I'm'
not sure that I should or rather want to take. But, be that it
may, I have to find a way to lose this feeling of horror. I
fear that the path I follow will end up with me taking my own
life just to escape. That is the crux of the problem, I see my
death. The lost of my mind, what is left of it, is not far no.
I want to say good bye, need to say good bye, fear saying it.
This diary was found beside the body The official ruling,
death due to natural causes. But, owing to the above document
it makes you wonder. Even after 15 years on the force I have
never found anything like this before. If you could have seen
the look on her face it would have sent shivers down your spine.
To use a phrase that she used "abject terror" was etched into
her face.