Column November 27, 2000
have a feeling that this will be a popular column, because I'm
going to write about breasts. Since I'm going to talk about my
own breasts, it's only fair that I post a picture so you know
what my breasts look like. I can already imagine the E-mails that
I'm going to get, but here it is.
picture is a couple of years old, but they look the same now.
OK, now that you know what my breasts look like, I can write about
them. Like I've always told anybody who's asked, they're big.
Not enormous, but I think they're too big. Not only are my boobs
too big, but my nipples are oversized also.
read my stories, you know that exhibitionism is a turn on for
me. In that regard, having big breasts and nipples is an advantage.
If I want to show off my boobs, then all I have to do is wear
a thin blouse without a bra. After seeing the picture, I think
you can imagine the effect, especially if the top is a little
If I want
to show cleavage, all I have to do is put on a push-up bra. Boom,
instant porn-start cleavage. Until recently, I've had problems
with push-up bras, like the WonderBra and other similar brands.
When I wear one, my boobs fall out of the cups whenever I move.
While the visual effect might work for you, especially if I'm
wearing a top that allows peeks in, it's really uncomfortable.
I sent my husband to buy me a bra (he doesn't mind, he even buys
tampons without any complaints) and he came home with a push-up
bra. At first I was angry. I didn't want to spend the night adjusting
my bra and wondering if I'm showing more than I wanted to. But
after I put it on, it was as comfortable as a normal bra and I
wasn't even close to falling out of it. The only negative to the
bra is that it's padded; my boobs look even bigger than they really
are, so I can't use the bra every day.
boobs is a pain. First off, they make me look fatter than I really
am, especially because of my lack of height. I'm five-feet four-inches
tall, if I'm wearing four-inch heels. I'm not saying that I'm
super thin or have a perfect body, but I'm not THAT fat.
problem with having big boobs is that men tend to stare at them,
even when I'm wearing something that isn't meant to show them
off. Sometimes when I'm talking to somebody, I get the urge to
slap the leering man across the face with my hand and calmly tell
him that he's supposed to look me in the eyes when he talks to
me, not stare at my tits.
is also an adventure with big tits. Even with a tight sports bra,
I feel like I have two huge floppy cantaloupes glued to my chest.
I walk for exercise, and do aerobics at home because I would feel
self-conscious with my boobs bouncing around doing aerobics at
a gym. I know it's silly, I wouldn't be the only woman bouncing
around, but I guess I'm just a silly person. Don't even ask about
running. I tried it once and felt like every guy that saw me was
staring at me. While I do enjoy being looked at sometimes, there's
a time and a place for everything.
medium sized breasts and even small breasts are sexier than big
ones. I wear a 36C or a 36D bra, depending on the brand. If I
had my choice, I would wear a B cup bra, not something that I
can use as a grapefruit catapult. Before I had kids, that's the
bra size I wore; it was perfect. I could put on a sports bra and
do whatever exercising I wanted, I could wear sexy clothes without
looking slutty, but my breasts were big enough that I could show
them off by wearing the right bra and top. They were perky too,
they weren't too big and they didn't bounce around too much. I
loved to go braless, not only for the attention I got from men,
but for the comfort too. The only problem I had was that they
were so perky that it was almost impossible for me to sleep on
my stomach. I don't have that problem anymore. Having four kids
will do that to you.
a poll the other day that said 70% of the women polled were happy
with the size of their breasts. I have no idea whom they polled,
but that number seems way too high. Among my friends and family,
I would say that I can only think of one person that is happy
with the size of her breasts. Everybody else would say that they
have breasts that are either too big or too small.
person that I know that is happy with her boobs is my sister.
She has really perfect breasts and happily wears clothes that
show them off. Even after having a baby, she still has a nearly
perfect body, a tiny waist and a curvy butt and hips that give
her an hourglass figure. She's my sister and I love her with my
entire heart, but she makes me sick. I used to have a very nice
body, but it was never as perfect as hers is now. Yes, I admit
it. I'm jealous.
If I could
go back and be eighteen again, there are some things I might do
differently. For example, I may have been a topless dancer for
a year or so instead of working fifteen-hour days in a hot dry
cleaners. I may have lost my virginity before my wedding night
to somebody other than my husband. I might have made love with
another woman. But the one thing that I definitely would do is
pose nude, completely naked in really sexy poses. I would at least
have found somebody to take the sexy pictures, but if I had a
chance, I would have done it for a magazine. Just the thought
of men staring at my naked body turns me on even now. I'll admit
that I wasn't Playboy material, I was a little too short and too
curvy, but I was more than sexy enough to pose for some of the
other magazines out there. Maybe someday, if I keep losing weight,
I'll put some pictures someplace on my site, but don't hold your